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The All-Encompassing Guide To Giving Your Stage Manager An Aneurysm

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Feb 10th

 

“Today,” said Cellbit. “We are gathered to celebrate the most wonderful of tech members. Truly the best of us.” 

 

Everyone in the audience nodded.  

 

“She was hard-working, loyal, and never missed a cue. Yes, she had some faults, but don’t we all?”

 

The crowd murmured in agreement. Someone in the back began to cry.

 

“Now, she has to leave us, but she will never leave our hearts. Carla, tonight, we celebrate everything you have done for our team in your 14 years at the Quesadilla International School of the Arts. We wish you well, and a pleasant journey to wherever the good soundboards go.” 

 

The crowd applauded politely. Cellbit waited for them to stop before continuing. “Now, Mike would like to say a few words. Mike?”

 

Mike, dressed in a two-piece suit, walked onstage as Cellbit walked off. He sat down next to Roier as Mike began a beautiful, heartfelt elegy. 

 

“Man, he’s really getting into it,” Roier commented.

 

 Cellbit chuckled. “Eh, he’s been running that machine for some time now. He’s attached.”

 

Roier shook his head. “Still, this has to be the strangest way to end the most successful musical this school has ever seen. A funeral? To a machine?”

 

“Well, no better way than how I’m going to end it.”

 

“How?”

 

Cellbit mock-yawns and leans back into his seat. “With a nap. Maybe for 12 hours.”

 

Roier laughs and gently elbows Cellbit in the side.  “You deserve it. Opening night to closing night, you were flawless.”

 

Cellbit hums in acknowledgement. “So was the team.”

 

“Yeah, true. But you do need a shoutout for all the work you did.” 

 

“I mean-“

 

“Cellbit.” Roier grabbed both of his hands. “You put so much love into this musical. Thanks to your help, we overcame every obstacle that stood in our way. It wasn’t easy. You stepped out of your comfort zone. And I’m proud of you for that.” 

 

Cellbit turned red. “Thanks.”

 

Roier shakes his head with a smile. “We need to work on your ability to accept a compliment.” He then places a kiss on Cellbit’s nose. “I love you.”

 

Cellbit brings his hands to enclose Roier’s. “I love you too.” 

 

“Hey!” Mike clapped his hands loudly, scaring the couple. “Does this fucking crowd have no respect for the deceased?” The crowd is silent, someone coughs, and Cellbit is practically a tomato. Mike huffs. “Thank you. Can I continue?”

 

No one responds, so Mike continues where he left off. Roier notices Cellbit’s blush and giggles. “What, embarrassed?”

Cellbit leaned back in his seat. “Nope, just, uh, enjoying the ceremony. Nothing more. Definitely not enjoying time with my boyfriend.”

 

Roier plops his head on Cellbit’s shoulder. “Liar.”

 

And here, in the middle of a funeral, he finally feels at rest. Finally.

 

Everything is fine.


*BAGI*

You: wait why were you at the nurse’s office

Bagi: uuuh

long story short,

i’ve got a few new scars?

You: ok wait i need the context