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Earth. That's where he was. He'd been on Earth for three days. He'd been living in Jackie's flat while he was meant to be packing it up. He couldn't bring himself to actually pack anything up. Everything was full of memories. He didn't want to leave the flat though. Once he left, and turned his back on the flat, he wouldn't come back.
He wouldn't be able to come back. Eventually everything would be gone, it was better if he moved it all out. He'd rather it be him instead of UNIT or the council. The Tardis was sat outside where he'd park it with Rose. He'd never get to park there again. Not with Rose anyway. His memories played out like ghosts around him. He'd have to move it up into the flat to get everything out. Jackie didn't like him parking in the flat, though he'd tried it once or twice.
He didn't want to pack anything away. Not as he settled on the sofa and pictured him and Rose being forced by Jackie to watch one of her soaps. He stared into the cup of tea he'd made and just remembered. He didn't want to forget it.
He sort of wanted to stop the pain though. Once everything was packed up and gone, he could forget. Surely he could forget after that. Right?
Of course he couldn't.
He'd packed up everything in the flat two days ago, but instead of getting in the Tardis and flying off, he'd pulled the sofa back out and settled onto that when he wasn't out drinking. Drinking wasn't exactly a healthy coping mechanism, but it was something. And something was more than nothing.
Besides he wasn't human, and the only alcohol on 21st century Earth was well 21st century Earth alcohol, mostly. His point was there wasn't exactly enough truly strong alcohol on Earth for it to be a problem for him, and he'd stop when he left.
He just liked the bars. He could see Rose in the shadows if he didn't think hard enough. He could pretend she was there with him. Any glimpse of blonde hair sent his hearts hoping, and his mind reeling.
"Mate I have to cut you off, you've been every night this week. Go home," the bartender said. He sighed but nodded. He left the pub and wandered down the street and into a different one. He'd been in there every night too. He'd been down to almost every pub in the area through out the week.
Every pub he entered, for a split second, he'd think Rose was there. Just waiting to be found. He wasn't sure if he could take it much longer. Being on Earth, with Rose's memory around every corner.
He'd never even gotten to say goodbye.
When he returned to the emptied out flat he dragged the sofa back into the Tardis and started working. There had to be a way he could get to the other universe. He didn't even need to bring Rose and Jackie back, they had Pete, he could just restart his life there with them. It would hurt when they grew old, but he could manage it.
There wasn't a way through.
Just a tiny crack that would allow maybe a call. But he'd need an energy source for it.
What was one sun compared to Rose Tyler? The sun would burn out eventually. This way, at least, he got to say goodbye. That was much more important than the sun.
Saying goodbye didn't help. Maybe he'd been stupid to think it would, but it didn't. Donna was the only reason he was still alive, and he wasn't sure if it was worth it.
He hadn't felt like that since the time-war, which admittedly for him hadn't been all that long ago. Rose had drawn him out of it, she'd offered him comfort and companionship, and love. She'd given him love, and he'd lost her.
She haunted him. She was everywhere he looked. He'd never be free of her, and he knew that.
He didn't want to be free of her. He deserved the haunting memory of Rose Tyler. He just wished he didn't see her in everything.
He was truly haunted by her.
She was around every corner. Every planet he went to, every time period, every where he went something made him think of Rose. Something made him remember her.
The Doctor was never going to forget Rose. He knew it, and he accepted it. He just wished it wasn't so painful.