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Percy leaned back on his hands at the beach, glancing at Rachel as she sketched.
They hadn’t left camp; after Gaea, neither were ready for that quite yet.
Rachel looked up and gave him a smile.
Percy smiled in return and looked up at the sunny sky.
He liked these quiet moments with Rachel, where she didn't say much, where they could just be, sometimes doing separate things, sometimes chatting with no real barriers.
More than anything, that was helping him with dealing with the trauma of what had happened.
Percy frowned and sat up straighter, drawing his knees into his chest so he could rest his chin on them as he thought about how he couldn't do this with Annabeth, his girlfriend.
He couldn't even talk to her about Tartarus without her changing the subject or getting mad at him.
Sure, she was traumatized too, but Percy wished they could talk about it like they used to talk about quests. Not that that was ever easy, but at least she was more receptive to talking about it then.
Which brought Percy back to Rachel. Who always listened with patience, and when she pointed things out he missed, she never made him feel stupid for missing it.
Rachel was so much easier to be around than some other girls he knew.
The only other girl that came close was Hazel, but she was younger and still learning, and Percy still felt responsible for her.
Clarisse? Yeah, they had a weird sort of friendship, but stuff like actually talking? Yeah, no.
Piper? Percy was pretty sure she hated him based on her comments, so he stayed away from her. And desperately tried not to think about what Annabeth must have said about him to make her dislike him so much.
Reyna? She was a bit too intense sometimes for Percy's liking, and he always felt like he had to measure up as a leader and in power around her, even if he did count her as a friend.
And he wasn't really friends with any other girls.
So that just left Rachel, who was the ideal hanging out partner. She had no expectations. She was predictable. Percy never felt like he had to sidestep landmines around her.
They'd even discussed their one kiss and agreed that as nice as it was, they were better off as friends, especially as Rachel had been working on figuring things out and realized sometime between the kiss and their talk that she was both aromantic and asexual, and so, relationships weren't really on the table, even without the Oracle.
Percy couldn't imagine having that kind of serious talk with any other girls he knew. He liked that they were clearly communicating, that he knew exactly what was up.
He frowned. Shouldn't he have that with his own girlfriend at least?
"Rachel? Should I break up with Annabeth?" he asked suddenly.
She looked up, visibly startled. "What makes you ask that?"
"To start, it takes too much work to hang out with her. I mean, yeah, relationships are supposed to take work, but being around my mom doesn't feel like work, and right now doesn't feel like work."
Rachel stared at him and sat up. "Yeah, any kind of relationship is supposed to take work," she said quietly. "Work at communicating clearly, at making sure the other person gets what they need, and one person shouldn't be doing all the work... if it's too exhausting, it's not worth it."
Percy nodded. "Other reasons... I know it's just how she is but I don't like being treated with violence. That was Gabe's thing... I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship with violence. No matter how friendly or whatever it's supposed to be."
"Totally fair, that kind of friendly hitting should be something you want, not something forced on you. Especially not with the kind of experience you've had so far."
Percy nodded. "I can't even talk to Annabeth about Tartarus. We used to kind of talk about quests but she refuses to talk about it. And Piper seems to really dislike me, maybe even hate me and... she's supposed to be Annabeth's best friend. So what has Annabeth told her that makes her feel that way? It can’t be good."
Rachel nodded. "You do what's right for you, Perce. It's not up for me to tell you what you want."
Percy groaned. "You know I don't always know what I want, or what I need. My brain is stupid."
Rachel flicked some sand at him.
"Hey!"
"Remember, you're not allowed to call yourself stupid. It's a trigger when others say it, so you better not be making yourself feel worse."
"Fine."
"And anyway. You think differently, you've got trauma from having an abusive stepfather. Then all the trauma from the quests, and it's only gotten worse. You're used to putting others first one way or another. Of course you struggle with knowing. But you'll never figure it out if I tell you everything you want. And when it comes to your dating life, you really have to do that on your own."
Percy groaned. "I don't want sex. That's about all I know that I haven't said yet, I think... I never understood people's obsession with how people look, calling them 'hot' and all the sex talk..."
"You think you might be asexual?"
"Maybe. I've been thinking about it since you first brought it up,” he admitted.
"Well, as long as you're happy, you can have a relationship like that."
"I guess... I'm just not sure that's the sort of relationship Annabeth will want once she's feeling better. We've kind of been avoiding each other. She's dealing with being scared of me, and I'm just not sure what's going to set her off anymore. And... I see her, and I want to talk about it, but she won't let me and I annoy her by wanting to talk about it so... I think... I think I was in denial. I mean, I knew you were easier to be around before we fought Kronos. But I loved her and everyone says that kind of treatment is normal but... she keeps reminding me of Gabe sometimes and she doesn't talk to me, she just gets angry when I can't read her mind... she calls me Seaweed Brain, she should know I'm slow on the uptake, that there's no way I can read her mind... and yet that's what she expects from me. That's too much to expect, right? I'm not crazy?"
Rachel hugged him.
Percy didn't realize how tense he had gotten until he melted into her embrace.
"You're not crazy, Perce. Your feelings are yours. If you're not comfortable, there's four options: Figure out how to make yourself comfortable, ask Annabeth to do something different, find a middle ground between the first two, or break up. And it sounds like you're wanting to break up."
Percy bit his lip. "Yeah, I think that's what I want. Everyone thinks we're so good together though, there's going to be fallout and... and... I'm not sure I'm prepared for that so soon after Tartarus..."
"Forget the drama and the idiots. How people react will show you who they are, and if they do deserve your loyalty."
Percy blinked, then nodded. "You're right. If... if they turn on me, then they can't really be my friends because they should know me better than that... Still don't want to deal with it."
Rachel nodded. "I wouldn't either, but it's either deal with it, or stay with Annabeth and be miserable for longer."
"...hopefully short-term fallout it is."
Rachel smiled. "And you can always talk to me, okay? Especially about being asexual, it's really hard to navigate that sometimes."
"Sex is everywhere," Percy complained. "Everyone thinks it's funny that I avoid those conversations but like. I'm not interested. Why do I have to hear about it?"
"Because they're immature idiots who don't understand that no one should have to sit through conversations that make them uncomfortable, regardless of the topic."
"Good point. This is why you're so easy to talk to. You get me and you're patient, and you're my best friend after Grover."
"Aw, you're my best friend too."
They stayed there hugging each other for a while, Rachel just happy to be there for her friend. She had been listening to Percy for years, and knew that he was unhappy with how things were. She was just waiting for him to figure it out for himself.
Percy just continued thinking about how lucky he was to have a friend like Rachel, who just understood him in a way no one else their age seemed to.