Work Text:
“Where are the maknaez and Minghao?” Seungcheol asked Jeonghan when the leader got out of the shower.
The group managed to have a week off after a busy schedule, so the group decided to rent a house for the week and move to an area further away from the city so they could relax away from the chaos for this week. It was a really comfortable and big house, so they got happy when they finally got there after three hours driving. Some members went straight on playing games, others were in the living room, laid on the floor or watching television, but the leader couldn't find the youngests anywhere to ask them if they wanted some snacks.
“They are in the garden, Coups.” Jeonghan said, his eyes on the cell phone. “They found balloons somewhere. I guess they are making a water balloon battle or whatever.”
Seungcheol nodded before making his way to the garden, smiling at the scene. It was surprising that Minghao accepted the water balloon battle, and even more surprising that they had painting on their hands, and Seungcheol could see some of Minghao's paintings on the floor, which means they were using his paintings to mess with each other.
Cutes.
The leader didn't bother to say anything. They would tell if they were hungry, so the leader just went inside the house to take some towels and let them in the garden’s door so they could dry when they decided to go inside the house again.
None of the four youngests noticed Seungcheol leaving the towels and going inside the house again, too distracted with the game to notice it.
Minghao laughed loudly when Vernon throwed Chan a balloon with water, and Seungkwan put his hands covered with purple painting on the maknae’s face.
“Ya! Why me?!” Chan screamed, grimacing with the taste of the painting on his mouth. “Minghao hyung is alone!”
“Minghao hyung is really fine where he is!” Minghao answered, and started running when the three maknaes started following him, the Chinese seeming to be the new target.
“Come here, hyung!” Seungkwan called when he and Chan went to the paintings again, their hands now red.
“Oh, no, I’m fine!” Minghao answered laughing, and he kept running around the garden before he felt his battery dying, the boy stopping running, panting, bending over with his hands on his knees.
Minghao had a playful smile on his face, but his smile died when he felt hands covering his eyes from behind.
Minghao hates having his eyes covered.
And all the members knew it.
None of the three maknaez seemed to notice his face that went from a fun smile to panic, the three of them were still laughing and he could feel hands on his body, probably Chan and Seungkwan getting red paint on his clothes and arms, but he didn't thought about that as he fastly slapped the hand on his eyes, desperate to get free.
And when he finally did, it was like his world fell, and the day wasn't fun anymore, but the red painting on his body was bringing him back memories from the worst day of his life.
The three maknaez seemed confused with Minghao’s reaction for a while, and when Vernon finally understood when Minghao’s hands and body started shaking, the American widened his eyes.
“Hyung, I’m sorry. I forgot it. I’m sorry!”
Seungkwan and Chan seemed to understand after hearing Vernon asking sorry, and both of them also seemed to be in panic as Vernon tried to touch Minghao, just for the boy to scream loudly and pull Vernon away from him, desperate.
“What is happening?” Jeonghan asked when he heard the first painful scream getting out of Minghao’s mouth, and for a moment he thought he had fell while playing or anything, but the moment he saw the red paint on Seungkwan’s hands and Minghao's arms, it was like a key turned in his head.
It was almost a forgotten piece of information. Minghao has been in therapy since three years ago and the last time he got triggered by his trauma was four years ago, but they never stopped being extremely careful around Minghao, being careful to never obscure his vision or scare him.
Hansol, Seungkwan and Chan seemed to be in panic while every time they tried to touch Minghao to calm him down, the Chinese boy screamed.
“Go get Seungcheol.” Jeonghan said firmly to the maknaes as he stand in front of Minghao. “Hao, baby. It's Jeonghan hyung. You are safe here…” The oldest tried while touching Minghao’s face, but the youngest just sobbed, his eyes tightly closed like he was afraid to open it.
“No! Don't touch me! Don't touch me!” Minghao screamed loudly, trying to get out of Jeonghan's hand just to feel his legs limp, falling with his knees on the ground. Jeonghan grimaced with the noise that it made, kneeling in front of him. The other members slowly got out of the house, Seungcheol fastly running to them.
“Baby, open your eyes. It's just Jeonghan hyung. We won't hurt you. You are fine.” Jeonghan tried again, and Minghao denied firmly while hiding his face in his hands. His sobs were loud and it sounded painful to the members listening to it, they were all sad with how far Minghao's mind seemed to be from them.
“No!” Minghao screamed again when Jeonghan tried to take his hands out of his face so he could breathe better. “Hyung, hyung, let me go, please. Hyung, let me go.” His voice sounded desperate. “Let me go. Let me go. Don't hurt me. Let me go. Please.” Minghao sounded like he was in a trance, like he was back to the day that everything happened, begging to be free.
“Hao, no one here will hurt you.” The leader said. “No one will hurt you. You are not in China right now. You are in South Korea, with your group members. You are safe, right?” Seungcheol tried to instruct him back to reality like Minghao's therapist suggested before.
Minghao just kept denying and the members didn't even know if he was listening to them, but it was clear how he was falling into panic more and more as the seconds went by.
In his head, he wasn't there anymore, having fun with his members on a day off.
No.
He was back to when he was fourteen and his house got invaded. To when he had his eyes covered and his body held so firmly that he got bruises for weeks. To when he could just scream his guts out for help, but no one could hear them. To when his eyes got uncovered and he was forced to see his father's almost dead body lying on the floor and the blood that had splashed on his own clothes. To when he heard those men having fun as he cried and screamed in panic. To when he threw up when he felt the hands on his body and got physically and mentally tortured until someone finally heard him and called the cops.
Minghao’s hands went from his face to his hair, desperately pulling it like he was trying to take the panic out of his body, trying to take the memories out of his head.
The Chinese opened his eyes fastly and scared when both his wrists got held in a firm grip.
“Sorry, Hao. I can't let you hurt yourself.” Seungcheol said with a pitiful voice. He knew how it would make Minghao panic even more, but he also knew how Minghao could unconsciously severely hurt himself in panic attacks like this.
Minghao denied again, struggling hard to free his wrists as painful screams and sobs tore from his throat, the boy feeling more and more trapped.
Jeonghan looked at the situation in desperation.
They saw him having panic attacks because of small triggers before and that's why they try to avoid all of them, but none of them looked so bad like that one. He thinks he never heard Minghao screaming so loud and seeming that desperate.
Jeonghan got back to reality when he felt his leg getting kicked, but didn't try to say anything when he noticed that it was Minghao still struggling to get free from Seungcheol’s grip.
“Minghao, my love, you are safe. You are with hyungs now. You need to calm down.” Jeonghan tried touching Minghao’s face, caressing his cheeks lovable, and when the youngest seemed to be choking on tears, both hyungs thought the boy was going to vomit, but he just sobbed more, falling more and more into panic as he seemed to be losing his strengths even to fight against Seungcheol, his moves having no strength now.
How did it scale so much and so fast?
Jeonghan made his last try when he hugged Minghao tightly, not giving any chance for the youngest to walk away as he pressed Minghao’s head against his chest, caressing his head while Seungcheol still had the firm grip on his wrists.
Jeonghan’s hug always was a comfort and rest for Minghao, but now it just made him cry and scream louder against Jeonghan's clothes, struggling to be free.
“Hyung! Don't! Stop! Stop! Please, please, please, I beg you! Stop!” His screams broke Jeonghan’s heart, but he didn't stop. “Stop! Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!”
Seungcheol looked at the members.
They all were watching the situation, but Junhui and Soonyoung didn't let any of them come any closer to no suffocate the member in panic.
“Someone get my bag.” Seungcheol said loudly, and Joshua didn't hesitate before running inside the house again.
Seungcheol looked at Minghao pitifully. His situation was getting worse and it was clear that, alone, he couldn't get out of his panic situation.
Minghao was a complete mess with desperation and panic. He was still screaming and at some point his screamings went from Korean to Chinese, and even though they couldn't understand, Junhui’s sad expression was enough to make it clear that he was in a flashback. It was clear that he couldn't tell the difference between the members and his aggressors from years ago for now. He couldn't tell what was his mind playing a psychotic joke with him, and what was reality.
Joshua came back and kneeled down by Seungcheol's side, opening his bag.
“Take the remedy bag.” Joshua made what the leader asked for, and Seungcheol took a deep breath. It was never a good idea to sedate a member, especially when the member couldn't consent for it, but Minghao was struggling to breathe and his situation could get critical in the next seconds if they don't sedate him. Joshua threw all the medicines on the ground so they could find the one he was looking for faster, and Seungcheol pointed to the medicine with his head. “Put six drops in his mouth.”
Joshua just nodded, and when he held Minghao's nape to take his head out of Jeonghan’s chest, he opened his eyes again, and Joshua could feel his heart breaking with the fear clear on Minghao's eyes.
“Love, I need you to open your mouth.” Minghao widened his eyes and denied firmly, stopping his screams as he closed his mouth tightly. Seungcheol held his wrists stronger when he went back to struggling to get free. “I won't hurt you. That will help you. Please.” Minghao just denied again, but this time he couldn't scream anymore, afraid about what Joshua would do if he opened his mouth.
Joshua sighed, and the second he held Minghao's chin to force his mouth to open, Minghao's eyes rolled back and his body fell completely limp against Jeonghan's arm, the 95 line could just watch Minghao collapse before passing out.
Seungcheol stopped holding his wrists and Jeonghan softened his grip against the youngest's body, and all of them stayed in silence for what seemed to be an eternity before the leader said something.
“Let's take him inside the house.”
Mingyu was fast to run to them and carefully holding Minghao's body, who was completely limp in a state that made Mingyu worried, but he ignored his worries to bring Minghao to the room.
Taking a better look now, Mingyu felt desperate for Minghao’s situation. His wrists were bruised in purple about the way he was struggling to stop Seungcheol from holding him, his eyes were a little swollen from the way he cried desperately and his face was totally wet and red, his lips and body shaking from his sleep.
It didn't took longer for Mingyu to start listening to loud voices downstairs, but Mingyu didn't bother to understand what was happening before Junhui and Jihoon got in the room.
Both of them don't even bothered to say anything, but Junhui started to put a ointment in Minghao's wrists, slightly massaging, and Jihoon took place in cleaning his face and the red painting for his arms, so Mingyu walked away to take some different clothes for Minghao, not wanting him to panic again when he wake up and see the red painting on his clothes.
When Junhui and Jihoon finished, Mingyu was really careful in changing his clothes, and the three of them sighed worrieds when Minghao didn't even move with the three of them touching his body.
Mingyu left a kiss on his forehead before them three left the room, closing the door, and when they were in the stairs, they could understand more what was the loud voice Mingyu heard before.
“Seriously, what was in your mind?!” Seungcheol almost screamed to the maknaez, the three sat on the sofa with their heads down. Mingyu is almost sure they were crying. “We all know his triggers. We all try to avoid them but today you simply decide to ignore the risk and trigger him for no reason into a panic attack when we are too far from the city to bring him to a goddamn hospital?! Could you not see how horrible he was?! Can you imagine how his mind will be when he wakes up?!”
“Hyung…”
“No, Hansol. You shut up.” Seungcheol spoke fastly, and none of them had the courage to stop the leader. “Fuck, I want to kill you three right now! And you should be praying that Minghao will want to see you when he wakes up because in his place I would never trust any of you again! I would never want to see any of you again! Can you not realize how fucked up it is?!”
“Okay, that's enough, Cheollie.” Jeonghan said. “I’m sure they are rethinking their actions now.” Yoon sent a cold look at the three maknaez before speaking again. “Today was a tough day so let's all take a shower, eat something and calm our nerves so we can take care of Minghao when he wakes up.”
The members' silence agreed, them all going to different parts of the house as they left the maknaez alone in the living room with Jeonghan.
“Jeonghan hyung.” Seungkwan called tearfully, and Jeonghan had to be really strong to keep his posture and not simply hug them and then it was okay.
“Not ‘Jeonghan hyung’. You three go take a shower. We don't want to let red paint through the house and trigger another panic attack on him. After that we can talk.”
The youngests just nodded before sadly going to their room to get new clothes.
That's definitely not how they imagined the end of their day.
🫀
It has passed nine hours and the members were seriously considering bringing Minghao to an Hospital before deciding to give him one more hour.
His breath seemed to be okay now, his heartbeat frequency seemed to be normal and the only thing wrong was that he didn't seem to move since Mingyu laid him on the bed, and didn't move or make any sound every time a member entered the room to check on him.
It was past two in the morning but none of the members could sleep. The maknaez were looking like they were about to cry again, the hyung line was looking at them like they could kill them at any moment and all the members were too worried about Minghao, but decided to not stay in his room to give him more space.
Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Junhui and Jihoon were in the kitchen to eat some snacks when they heard what seemed to be something falling on the corridor.
Junhui was the one who went to the corridor while the others were making something for them to eat, thinking it was just one member who dropped something on the floor, but he had a surprise when he got to the corridor and what he saw was Minghao leaned against the wall. The way his eyes were just a little open and his body seemed still limp made Junhui think that he just woke up and tried to look for the members without giving time to his mind and body to assimilate what happened - and Junhui had to ignore the feeling of worry on his chest with the thought that Minghao went downstairs alone.
“Xiaoba, gegè will touch you.” Junhui said to not scare him as he helped Minghao to get up.
“I tried to… To look for someone but I feel my legs… Weak…” His voice sounded hoarse, and Junhui smiled sadly.
“You just woke up, Xiaoba. Do you want to go to the kitchen? There are some members there.” Minghao just nodded, holding on to the wall to support his weight. “Gegè will help you.”
Minghao could just nod again, his mind and vision still blurred and his body limp, so he didn't try to move when Junhui held his body, but crossed his legs and arms on Junhui’s waist and neck, resting his head on his shoulder.
Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Jihoon took a few seconds to notice his presence, but once they did, the three of them stopped what they were doing, getting closer to him but still keeping some distance to not scare or suffocate him.
“Eisa.” Jeonghan called as he approached, and when Minghao didn't answer, Jeonghan looked at Junhui worried.
“He is still confused, he just woke up.” Junhui sat down, keeping Minghao in his arms. “Someone give some water to him.”
Jihoon fastly did what he was asked, and Minghao finally took his head out of Junhui’s shoulder to look at them when Jihoon helped him to drink water.
“How are you feeling, Hao?” Seungcheol asked while caressing his hair.
“Not well.” Minghao smiled sadly. He always feels his body and mind tired after a panic attack, and it is even worse now after such a big panic attack. His mind was still in the flashbacks, in all the pain, and it was confusing for him to deal.
“You will feel better soon, baby.” Jihoon said. “Are you hungry?”
“Seasick…” Minghao said quietly.
“Last time you ate something it was twelve hours ago, Xiaoba.” Junhui tried. “We can do something light and you eat how much you feel like your stomach can handle. Would it work?”
“Twelve hours?” Junhui nodded. “What time is time?”
“Two in the morning.” Minghao seemed surprised with the information, and then he just nodded about eating something light.
Junhui translated the conversation, and Seungcheol and Jihoon fastly went to cook something while Jeonghan sat on the chair in front of Junhui, Minghao having his back to Jeonghan with his head on Junhui's shoulder.
“Eisa, don't go back to sleep.”
“I’m tired.” Jeonghan nodded, caressing his back.
“Just wait until you eat something, and then you can sleep for how long you want, baby.”
Minghao don't even had time to answer before his name was called:
“Oh! Minghao hyung!” Chan said surprised and tearful as he just wanted to take some water before he saw his hyung sitting in Junhui’s lap. Minghao opened his eyes and looked at the kitchen’s door, unable to recognise the voice until his vision got less blurred and he could recognise the maknae, who was standing on the door but didn't move any closer since Jeonghan signaled for him to stay still. “Hyung…”
“Chan, Minghao is still confused. Maybe it's better if you talk to him later.” Seungcheol said, and Chan nodded, and wanted to say something else but after what he did, he just accepted that it was better if he didn't talk with the Chinese now, so he quickly took his water before getting out of the kitchen.
“Is the maknaez mad with me?” Minghao asked sadly once Chan left the kitchen, and the four in the kitchen looked at him confused.
“Why would they be mad at you?” Seungcheol asked as he was cutting some vegetables.
“Because… We were having fun and a joke made me… Collapse… I ruined everyone’s day.”
“No, don't say that.” Jihoon was fast to say. “They made a disrespectful joke. We all know about what triggers you have and they ignore it. It's not your fault.”
“But we were having fun… It wasn't intentional, they didn't mean to trigger me…”
“They didn't mean to but they did, so in any case you have the right to be mad at you but they don't.” Junhui caressed his hair. “We didn't allow Chan to come because we don't want you to get stressed and overloaded when you just woke up, but if you want to we can call the maknaez here. They were waiting for you to wake up to ask sorry.”
“Gegè.”
“Hm?” Minghao got his head out of Junhui's shoulder, and Junhui rested his hands on Minghao's waist as Jeonghan caressed his back to comfort him.
“Are any of the members mad at me? We were supposed to be having fun for those days, and I really thought I was making some progress in therapy… We thought I was making some progress… I’m so sorry for disappointing you…”
“You made progress in therapy, Hao.” Seungcheol said, getting closer to him as he let Jihoon finish cooking the meal. “Do you remember when your first panic attack in front of us happened? That you got triggered by Seok? And you spent three weeks afraid of any of us before opening up to Jun and telling what happened to you? Even after those three weeks you got fearful close to us and it took a long time for you to feel comfortable again because of how confused your mind got with the situation. Now you just woke up and you feel comfortable enough to be on Jun’s lap and let us touch you.”
“But I…”
“It's not your fault.” Jeonghan was fast to say. “It's not your fault. Any of this. Never blame yourself for having a panic attack. It's not something that you can control.” Minghao nodded tiredly.
“I feel exhausted.”
“It's okay, Xiaoba. It was a tough day. Eat something and I or any other member can help you to take a shower and sleep.”
Minghao could just agree again, and accepted Jihoon’s help to eat when the meal was ready. Honestly, Minghao hasn't felt like himself since he woke up, and he doesn't feel like he could control his own body, so he was grateful that Junhui was holding him and Jihoon was helping him to eat.
The news that Minghao was awake seemed to be shared really fast, because Minghao wasn't even in the half of his meal and all the members were there, even the maknae line, even though any of them said anything, just giving him a sad and guilty look.
“Do you want more?” Jihoon asked when Minghao finished eating, and the youngest denied.
“Let's take a shower, then. Do you think you can do it alone?” Minghao thought for a few seconds, and nodded hesitantly to Seungcheol. “Maybe one of us could stay in the bathroom with you, just in case something happens or you feel weak.”
“Sounds good.”
Wonwoo was the one who helped the boy to take a shower, just sat in the bathroom and being close when Minghao asked for help with putting his clothes on again after the shower or drying his hair. It was clear how all the hyungs were doing their best to make him feel comfortable and safe, and it was clear by the way that the maknaez were shy that someone scolded them really badly.
Wonwoo helped Minghao dry his hair, put on his clothes, brush his teeths, do some bandage on his hurt wrists, go upstairs and get on the bed comfortably, and it was just when he was turning on the air conditioner that they heard a knock on the door.
“Hyung. Can I come in?” They heard Seungkwan, and Wonwoo looked at Minghao.
The boy was ready to go to sleep, but seemed to be awake the moment he heard the voice as he nodded to Wonwoo to let him open the door.
“Good night, baby. Call us if you need anything. I love you.” Wonwoo left a kiss on Minghao's hair before going to the door. “Don't say anything stupid.” He whispered to the maknaes with a firm voice before getting out of the room.
The maknaes got in the room shyly, Chan being the last one as he closed the door behind him.
“Hyung, how are you feeling?” Vernon asked and Minghao sat in the bed.
“A little better.” The Chinese tried to smile, but it probably wasn't the most convincing one because Seungkwan started crying before the three of them knelt on the floor and bowed. “No, no, it's okay, you don't need to do that.” Minghao tried, but the maknaez ignored.
“I’m so sorry, hyung. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Chan repeated.
“We didn't mean to trigger you. I’m really sorry. We would never hurt you. We… Oh, my God, I will completely understand if you are upset with us but I’m really sorry. I’m sorry, hyung. We all know your triggers and yet we were careless. I’m so sorry, Hao. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“I hope you forgive us someday. I’m sorry!” Seungkwan finished Vernon’s speech.
“I’m not upset. It's okay!” Minghao said fastly.. “I know it wasn't on purpose. That's fine. It was silly. It's okay!”
“It wasn't silly. It was serious. I’m sorry.” The maknae said.
“I know but it's fine! Get up, please. I’m fine. It's okay.”
When the maknaez did what Minghao told them, they could notice that the Chinese had some tears on his face, so Seungkwan just hugged him tightly, being followed by Chan and Vernon right after.
“I’m sorry, hyung.” Seungkwan whispered as caressing his hair.
Minghao just nodded silently. Honestly, it was an exhausting day that he would like to forget, even when he knew today would be in his nightmares for a long time now, so he just let himself get hugged by the three youngests on the bed until his mind slowly turned off and his eyes closed, relax against Seungkwan's arms.
Seungcheol found the four youngests of the group sleeping in each other's arms in Minghao's bed the next morning, and suddenly he couldn't feel mad with the maknaez anymore, contenting themselves with taking a few photos and sending them to the group chat before closing the door and letting them sleep.