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As the glow of the television illuminated Kel's bedroom, Sunny quietly watched him and Basil play another round of Kel's favorite game, Mario-kart 64. He and his four friends were having a sleepover at Hero and Kel's place, a sleepover that would most likely be their last one in a long while. Sunny didn't have much time left in Faraway before his new moving date was reached-- even after it had been postponed because of his eye, it still seemed to arrive so quickly. But he wanted to do one more thing before he had to move away. He needed to get something off his chest once more, but he hadn't found the right time to do so.
He needed to tell Aubrey about the scribbled out photos.
His friends were all enjoying themselves during this moment however, and he didn’t want to ruin it. Kel seemingly lost against Basil once more, and the two laughed. Basil rubbed it in Kel's face.
They were happy. It made Sunny's gut turn aimlessly.
Kel seemed to remember something they all needed to do during this sleepover, something they'd planned beforehand as a fun activity to keep themselves busy. Kel mentioned cinnamon rolls, and how he wanted to make them in the kitchen downstairs.
Basil tagged along, and Hero followed shortly afterwards. He didn't want Kel to make a mess in the kitchen, something his brother had an unwilling tendency to do. The three began to walk towards the wooden bedroom door, however Hero then hesitated before he left. He asked if Sunny wanted to tag along, but the boy declined. He was too tired for whatever commotion might go on down there, and there's been a little too much on his mind tonight as well.
The tall boy asked Aubrey, however she refused as well. She said something about not wanting to get her new jacket covered in flour or dough-- especially if Kel blows up the kitchen, or something of the sort. She seemed to be keeping herself busy by drawing something, but the black haired boy wasn't sure what.
The three others left, shutting the door and leaving Sunny alone with the pink haired girl. Just great.
He had to tell her. He had to. She couldn't live the rest of her life believing Basil was the one who ruined it all, and Basil couldn't live the rest of his life taking the blame for what Sunny had done. He felt so guilty about it all. He just wanted to curl up and get away from the world, zone out like he often did, but Sunny knew it all had to be faced.
He prepared what to say, and how to handle it all. He'd handled the hard part back at the hospital, he could tell her this. Right? Just breathe. Talk to her, you coward.
The boy silently sighed and turned towards her.
"Hey, uhm...Aubrey? I need to talk to you about something. If you aren't busy." He continued preparing himself for the rush of words and emotions that would soon follow after the truth was spilled. Aubrey turned her attention towards the scrawny boy, she seemed concerned.
"You're scaring me a little...but go on. What's up?"
She shut her sketching notebook and looked at him, already being flooded with worries and memories of what happened at the hospital. Nonetheless, Sunny persisted. "It's about Basil this time." Aubrey's eyebrows raised in a slight surprise, not expecting the boy to mention Basil. The boy continued. "I..."
"I was the one who blacked out the photos. It wasn't Basil."
Aubrey stared at the boy for a moment, trying to process the truth.
"What?"
Her expression turned cold as Sunny's words began to eat into her thoughts. "You...why? Are you serious?"
Aubrey paused once more. She could only take in so much. However, her shock was slowly giving way to frustration, to anger. "Are you trying to tell me...Basil took the blame? He COVERED for you? How could you say something like this so suddenly??" Her volume raised.
Sunny looked back at Aubrey, guilt beginning to eat away at him once more. He expected her to be awestruck, to be confused, to be hurt. And yet somehow, even after he'd prepared for this, it all still seemed to ache in his heart. Seeing her cold, pained expression stabbed daggers into his soul, and reminded the black haired boy that things would never truly return to how they were before. From the recital day and beyond, Sunny's mistakes piled up like toy blocks. And now, they were all crashing down on him, and he couldn't keep running. All he could do was pick things up, one by one, even if it hurt. He was terrible for blacking out the photos, the small remaining pieces of their memories, Sunny knew this. He knew this, and yet it still hurt.
"I'm so sorry. Please, I never meant to. I was…disoriented. And I wasn’t thinking. I barely even knew it happened. I loved those photos, but I think I just.." Sunny trailed on, trying to explain himself as best he could. He didn't want to use excuses, but the boy knew it would be best to at least tell her what his misshapen intentions were.
Muffled noises from the kitchen were the only things that seemed to fill the dead silence in between their talking. His friends downstairs were so happy, it oddly made him feel even worse about it all. Nevertheless, he continued. "I was scared. I was in so much denial after everything happened, and I was scared that seeing her face would remind me. Seeing anyone, for that matter.” Memories rushed back as he talked, of what had happened in those many years of isolation, and on the night he ruined their photos. He remembered using a black sharpie to erase the identities of those he cherished, and feeling an empty sinking feeling in his gut afterwards. A feeling he was too familiar with. A feeling of repression, of denial. At the time, it almost felt fulfilling. Sunny loathed himself for having felt this way, even after years had gone by.
The pink haired teen shot back at Sunny, her voice echoing with pain and frustration. “THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD LIE ABOUT WHAT YOU DID. You…how could you?" The pale boy jumped back as her voice raised, drowning out the noise of kitchenware and the muffled chatter downstairs. This was it, this was his price for sealing his lips all four years.
“I…I know. I didn’t know Basil covered for me until you explained things at the tree stump. I didn’t know anyone knew. I- I’m so sorry, Aubrey..." Sunny tried his hardest not to cry. He couldn't seem like the victim here, it would make all of it even worse. He couldn't let his emotions take hold of him tonight, not like they did on that dreaded recital day. God, why could he never keep himself under control?
Tears welled up in Aubrey’s eyes as well, as she seemed to be trying to process all of this. She was hurting, rethinking all of her actions from when she believed Basil was to blame.
She began to speak, lowering her voice a little as everything began to sink in, to settle in her thoughts. “I just…this is a lot to take in, Sunny. I feel like so much more of an asshole now, knowing all of those years I spent picking on Basil weren’t even for a real reason.”
Sunny paused. “I’m so sorry.”
That was it, that was all the boy could muster up. Absolutely pitiful. A guilt-ridden, empty apology. A word he'd grown entirely too familiar with during his lifetime. It makes sense, considering how many cherished things he's managed to ruin. How many people's lives he's torn apart.
Another moment of dead silence passed afterwards, the two being filled with so many differing thoughts that wanted so desperately to escape. Kel laughed downstairs, and afterwards Hero yelled something about the cinnamon roll dough. The three were happy. They had no idea what conversation was going on just a floor above them.
As Sunny's thoughts spiraled, he tried to gather what to say next. He felt so incredibly selfish for keeping this in for so long, for secluding himself away. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, you all are already trying to move on from…everything. But you deserved to know.” He wanted to recognize the terrible timing of this entire situation. Only a mere few weeks ago he'd told everyone about how he was responsible for Mari's death, and now, somehow, there was still more. More actions he'd done that painted him as an inhumane monster.
Aubrey let out a sigh, and fully gathered her thoughts and her rushing emotions. She took a few breaths, calming herself down and preparing what to say next.
"I…I already forgave Basil for messing up the photos. And you were…dealing with a lot. So, so much. I- I think I can forgive you too. Just…I wish you would’ve told me earlier."
Sunny was incredibly surprised that she was giving him this kind of understanding, this kind of tranquility. He didn't deserve it in the slightest, every part of him knew that. And yet, even so, it seemed to help out, just a little.
So, to respond, he merely agreed with Aubrey's last remark, accepting the fact that he shouldn't have hidden from all of this. "I know. I ran from it all, and that was…a terrible decision."
'Terrible decision' was an understatement, he thought.
"Yeah. It was. But…you were young. We all were. Handling grief isn’t really something you expect to do at that age."
Ouch. Aubrey's words dug into his soul, he was hearing the kinds of things he'd never expected to hear from her-- much less after something like this. He knew he was young, and even though it couldn't stop him from fully blaming himself over and over again, it made him feel better hearing that from an outside voice. Someone who wasn't in his own mind. Because she was right, he was only twelve, and it was hard to manage grief at that age. Sunny stared off into the distance. He tried so terribly hard not to cry, however tears began to quickly well up in his eyes. Once again, he couldn't keep his own emotions in check. His shoulders shook, and his guilt weighed down on him. Sunny began to quietly cry, hugging his knees up to his face.
He buried his head in his knees, and Aubrey slowly scooted closer to him, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. She had gotten calmer now. "You’ve dealt with enough already. I forgive you for all of it, I-I promise. Both this and what you mentioned at the hospital. I might not fully get it, but I'll try my best to." She paused, then continued. "Just because you did something bad, that doesn’t make you an inherently bad person. I promise, I forgive you, Sunny."
The pale boy took deep breaths to calm himself down, then wiped his tears with his hands. All of Aubrey's words seemed to resonate within him, helping him out one by one. Even so, he felt so incredibly bad for putting her through all of this, and somehow acting like the victim afterwards. He needed to apologize once more for that. "O-okay. Alright. Thank you. And, I’m sorry for…that. All of that." He let out a sigh as he cleaned himself up.
Aubrey lightly hugged him, wanting to show she still cared for him. This came as a shock to the black haired boy, his shoulders slightly tensed up and he wore a surprised expression as she drew him into this embrace. However, he hugged her back after a few seconds, grateful for it all. To show this gratitude, Sunny simply let out a small remark. "Thank you, Aubrey." His voice still slightly shook, it was worn and emotional from everything that had just happened.
Aubrey nodded as a way of acknowledging this, before letting the embrace go and giving herself a second to think. Eventually, an idea seemed to spread itself across her face, a smile coming along with it. "You wanna play some Mario-kart, to get our minds off it a little? I’ll kick your ass at it.”
Sunny slightly smiled, blinking back tears. As he grabbed a controller, ready to take on whatever skill level had to offer, Sunny replayed what they'd just gone through in his mind, incredibly surprised at how mild all of it was. Sure, this truth wasn't nearly as bad as what he'd told everyone back at the hospital, but it still meant so much, especially to Aubrey. Aubrey, who held those pictures dear, who took care to clean and wipe down every last one of them after she found Basil's photo album completely ruined. Aubrey, who's already dealt with enough. So, so much. It all left Sunny dazed, but knowing she'd still be here for him was, in its own way, comforting. He knew this was selfish. But right now, merely for tonight, he didn't give the creeping inner crevasses of his mind the satisfaction of taking hold of his thoughts. For now, he wanted to enjoy what time he had left here.
After he picked up the controller and got himself settled, the pale boy gave Aubrey a response. “You’re on. But when I played against Kel a few days ago, I totally won. That also could just be because…he’s kel.” Sunny internally laughed at this remark, noting how much of a loveable dumbass his good friend Kel could be. How much he uses that to give others comfort. Sunny's close friends were so incredibly selfless. Things felt so right, he thought.
Aubrey laughed at his remark as well, adjusting her passed-down bow. She'd gotten it as a gift from Mari. As her little brother, Sunny knew this. She wore it when she wanted to tie her hair back, usually when she was focused on something. “Definitely the latter. I’ll give you real competition, you nerd.” She said this with a confident smirk, jokingly teasing her childhood friend.
Sunny nodded with the same lighthearted confidence, and the two enjoyed their time together as close friends. They laughed.
The hard part had passed, and Sunny got to just enjoy this moment.
.
.
.
Everything was finally okay.
Fin