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Anders hasn't been well lately. He stares off into space and Scorpius catches him crying silently when he thinks they aren't looking. Something is wrong and seems more wrong than the normal type of bad days when Anders isn't well. It's like something heavy hangs onto Anders’ shoulders and is determined to drag him down.
Scorpius doesn't like it. Hell, it scares the shit out of them, but what can they do? They're just one person trying to save one of the men they love from complete mental collapse after he committed an act of terrorism that will haunt him for the rest of his life. That's just too much for them to handle on their own. Even with Fenris by their side, it's too much.
It all comes to a head one day and Scorpius can't be sure what the final straw is, if there even is one. Maybe things just got to be too much and the metaphorical demons in Anders' head took control. Maybe there just isn’t enough for him to hold onto anymore. Maybe maybe maybe. There are a million maybes and none of them matter.
Fenris is the one to find him. Out cold and unresponsive, his mana drained and his skin pale. Fenris comes back to the cottage early after hunting is made too difficult by a sudden downpour. He isn't supposed to be home for another few hours, at least; if he'd come home at the proper time, Anders would be gone.
Scorpius doesn't come home until they're supposed to, spending the day at the market, selling potions and herbs for as much as anyone is willing to pay for them. It's necessary these days. Where they'd once had a fortune, they now only have enough to get by, if that.
When they get home, they know something is wrong. The air is too still and there's a feeling of dread that hits them as soon as they step one foot across the threshold. Something is terribly, terribly wrong.
“Anders?” They call, setting down their bag. “Fenris?”
Fenris appears in the doorway of the bedroom, putting a finger to his lips. He glances back inside for a moment before approaching Scorpius quickly.
“Something happened,” he says in a hushed voice.
“What?” Scorpius’ heartbeat quickens in their chest. “What happened? What's going on?”
Fenris swallows and looks towards the bedroom. “Anders has tried to take his own life.”
It's like the world itself shatters into pieces. The reality Scorpius had once known breaks and spins, its pieces littering the floor for them to cut themself upon. Everything is suddenly wrong with the universe; even the act of breathing finds the air misplaced in their lungs.
“What?” They barely get the word out, head spinning with the news just dropped into their lap.
“He was unsuccessful,” Fenris is quick to assure. “I returned early from my hunt and was able to locate some healing potions, but…” He trails off, at a loss for words.
Scorpius understands what he means. If Anders tried once, it's possible he'll try again. The fact that he tried at all means he’s doing worse than either of them thought.
Fuck, they could have lost him. If the rain hadn’t hit or Fenris had stayed out to hunt anyway, Anders would be gone.
“I need to see him,” Scorpius says.
Fenris nods once and stands aside to let them through. They rush into the room to see Anders, but they can only make out the lump of blankets where Anders lays. They step forward slowly, not wanting to disturb the man if he's resting.
“Anders?” They say softly.
They get a grunt in return, confirmation that Anders is alive and can hear them, but little else.
They approach the bed and sit on the edge. “Fenris told me what happened,” they say.
No response.
“I didn't know it was that bad.”
No response.
“I'm sorry I wasn't here for you.”
No response.
Scorpius sighs and rubs a hand over their face as they fight back tears. They don't want to make this all about them and their feelings when Anders needs them to be strong. “I can't lose you, Anders,” they say. “Haven't I lost enough?”
That gets them a response.
“It isn't you.” Anders doesn't move from beneath the blankets. “Please don't– it's not your fault.”
“I know.” And Scorpius does know. It's not their fault, but it isn't Anders’ either. Nor is it Justice's, no matter what Anders once believed. These moods of his are a part of him — as terrifying as that is — and they're something he will have to learn to navigate without resorting to extremes.
But extremes are what Anders does best. He'd yelled in Knight-Commander Meredith's face when challenged, he'd blown up the Kirkwall Chantry when compromise didn't show itself, and now this. Scorpius doesn't know what goes on in Anders’ head, but they imagine it's a rather extreme place to live.
“What do you need from me?” They ask.
There's a long moment where Scorpius doesn't think Anders will answer. Then,
“Stay with me?”
“Oh, honey.” Scorpius crawls further into the bed, not bothering to kick off their mud-stained boots. “My biggest wish is to hold you close and never let you go.”
They pull the lump of blankets that is Anders close to their chest and hold him. They bury their face in the blankets around his back and allow themself to cry, clinging to the man they love.
They'll get through this, but it'll be a challenge. Scorpius hopes it's one they can overcome.