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He wakes up again in the early hours of the morning, his body shaking and his vision blurry as he breaks into a cold sweat. His breathing hitches a few times as he tries to control himself, his hand grips the shirt in front of his heart, an attempt to calm himself perhaps.
He gets out of bed and staggers to the door, he opens it with difficulty and leans on the wall in the hallway to be able to walk. He can't identify what he's doing when he opens another door and stumbles inside.
"Dami?" A voice asks, but he doesn't recognize it, "are you okay, sweetie? You look scared." The voice speaks again, so softly it hurts. He doesn't deserve this softness. Then he cries.
He doesn't deserve all the love he gets. He doesn't deserve the comforting hugs or the gentle compliments. He doesn't deserve forgiveness from the one who's holding his face so gently right now. He's a monster. A trained assassin.
"Chérie, regarde-moi.” Tim says combing his brother's soft hair "what's going on, huh? What's bothering you?”
"I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I swear." Damian said between sobs. "I don't understand, what didn't you want? Why are you apologizing, love?”
The boy tried to move away, taking the gentle hands away from him "I don't deserve your love, I hurt you." That hurt so much to say, but it hurt even more to hear it.
"Oh Dami, you are my little brother, of course you deserve my love." Tim pulled him into his lap and hugged him "you're an amazing child and deserve all the love in the world, Damian.”
Damian didn't understand how someone like Tim, who saw what a horror Damian was, could say he loved him. "But, I- I tried to kill you! Twice!”
Tim blew on his forehead "I know, but it's okay now my little child. I think you're getting sick, your body is warming up for a possible fever." His brother ran his hand down his back in a comforting touch.
How could he care that he was getting sick now? Why does he care? "That's not important! I can handle a fever…”
"Of course it's important, I don't want you to get sick." Tim wrapped him in his arms and lifted him, taking him to the bed "do you want to tell me the reason for this matter now?”
Damian didn't respond at all, he buried his face in his brother's chest and just drowned in tears and choked sobs filled with repressed sadness.
Tim gave Damian a few minutes to calm down before he started talking, his fingers playing with his little brother's soft hair. "I always wanted a little brother, you know? I always felt kind of alone before you arrived.”
Damian raised his face to look into his eyes, he seemed to not know what to say to him. "Why? You have Jason and Richard and Father and Alfred and…”
"But none of them are you." Tim cut him off before he could continue "when I still lived with my parents they used to leave me and it wasn't very nice. I always wanted a little brother, I even asked my parents for one, but my dad said it was nonsense.”
Damian still didn't say anything, but he was clearly confused by the conversation. "The point is: I'm happy that this 'dream' of mine has come true. I love you so much, Damian. I know my words won't have any effect on you right now, but I want you to know that I'm very proud of you, of what you're becoming. Yes, we had disagreements at first, but now it's okay and I don't blame you for anything you did. You're just a traumatized ten year old, Damian.”
"You love me?”
"Yes, my love. With all my heart, I love you." Tim placed Damian lying next to him and covered him with the blanket "you are the best little brother I could have, Dami. To some you may even seem to hate us, but we all know that's not true, you may not realize it yourself, but you are the most empathetic of us." He tucks Damian in and lies down too, pulling him into a hug.
"I love you, akhi" Damian murmured, snuggling into his brother "do you still feel alone sometimes?”
"Yes, but nothing compared to before, and if I feel that way I have people who help me with it, I have you, I have Jason, I have Dick, I have Bruce, I have Alfred. I have a family now, and so do you. It's okay to not feel okay, you're a human, humans are never one hundred percent well.”
Damian seemed to say something, but Tim couldn't understand. "Well you better go back to sleep, you have school in the morning, but I won't let you go if you wake up with a fever" Damian groaned, not liking the suggestion at all "but what if I have another nightmare?" Tim smiled and kissed the little boy's temple "then I'll be here to take care of you.”
Tim hummed a song as he brushed Damian's black locks with his fingers, lulling the little boy to sleep. In that moment, Damian felt as if he was untouchable, completely safe and comfortable in the darkness of the room and in his brother's arms, a feeling he had rarely felt in his short life.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away”
It wasn't long before Damian melted into his arms, sleeping peacefully.
"Good night, my sunshine.”