Work Text:
It was supposed to be a perfectly normal afternoon. Blitzø himself, and perhaps neither any other of the I.M.P. workers, didn’t expect anything remarkable to happen. The office became a bit more busy since the whole case with these two crazy scientists, but it seemed that today was one of these particular days when not much was happening.
Blitzø was honestly satisfied – this morning he finished off and closed some old cases with M&M, then around 12 he had lunch, booked two new clients in, though both required some beforehand planning for the job, so the imp happily declared that they would care for it later on and be done in a week maximum. After drinking his second coffee, Blitzø with the utmost delight bombed all of the paper work he had to do onto Moxxie and closed himself in the office, forbidding everyone from interrupting him. Just before finally closing the door, he obviously took a second to ruffle Loona’s hair and smirk, quickly locking the entrance afterwards. Loona groaned at him for doing so and screamed that he now guaranteed himself definitely being interrupted, but Blitzø didn’t particularly care, now too preoccupied with playing with his horse figures.
He kept that up for some time, but the lazy day quickly got to him and as there were no sounds of any new clients coming in – only occasional Millie’s giggles and Moxxie’s bitching about the paper work – Blitzø felt his eyes getting heavier and heavier by the second. He put his feet up on the table and leaned further onto his chair, yawning and closing his eyes with a smile on his face. A little nap never hurt nobody and by the way, he was the boss here so anyone objecting could kiss his ass.
Blitzø didn’t know how much time had passed before the irritating alarm sound coming from his phone stirred him up, but he most certainly wasn’t pleased to be woken up after said time, whatever it was. He clicked his teeth and cursed, yawning again before picking up the mobile to actually answer the call.
Well, at least it wasn’t Stolas, since he didn’t heard the fitting screams of suffering souls he set up for whenever this horny owl was calling him. Blitzø wasn’t really in the mood to have to deal with his underfucked ass, given his rather uneventful day.
Not that he was in the mood to deal with anyone else, but well. At least it wasn’t Stolas again.
“What do you-“ he started, before quickly being cut off by a snippy female voice on the other side of the call.
“Is this Blitzø, the Immediate Murder Professionals’ imp chairman?” it asked quickly, almost sounding disinterested. Blitzø blinked in surprise, not understanding how a, as he suspected, client got his private phone number, but also pleased to hear his name pronounced correctly.
“Right here and there,” the imp answered, suddenly not that annoyed that he was woken up. “And you are…?”
The voice scoffed at Blitzø, but provided an answer immediately after that and before Blitzø had time to get irritated again.
“My exact identity is of no interest to you for now. I have called with an aim. I need a certain person dead. As soon as possible.” The woman pronounced the words with precision and some feeling of grace, but also the deep hatred to the certain someone that she wanted to apparently kill.
“Hold on, lady,” Blitzø cut her off, sitting up straight in his chair again. If he was to do business, he better be a professional. Even when the client didn’t see him. “How did you get my number?”
“It was given to me by the Hellhound receptionist, after I have demanded I speak to the chairman.”
Oh, Loona. Of course. Blitzø could’ve probably predicted it, since his daughter did threaten to ruin his peace of mind. And he probably deserved it too, since he ruined her perfect hairstyle first. Well.
With one issue explained and out of the way, Blitzø decided to focus on the actual business now. It did kind of flatter him that the client he was talking to now wanted to only speak with him. Maybe that was some big deal, an Overlord or something, that they could milk a lot of money from.
“Ohh, okay lady! Well, I don’t mind that at all, I am actually glad to inform you that I am the most reliable person in this company and the one who can assure you that the job will be done fucking well!” He exclaimed, proud of himself. The woman on the other side remained silent for a few seconds too long after his declaration, so Blitzø cleared his throat and tried one more time. “Okay, yeah right, so who do you need offed?”
“My husband.” The woman stated coldly. Yikes, some family business then.
“Mhm, okaaay,” Blitzø said, scribbling down the info in a notebook. “Okay, and what’d he do to you, lady?”
“He cheated on me.”
“Alrighty,” Blitzø ignored the disapproving growl at his choice of words from the client. “And what is the location of our aim? We’re talking country, city, preferably some more info like workplace, home address… And if it’s in some of those cold ass countries of Earth, we charge more because the work condition are shit there and-“
The woman cut off Blitzø’s ramble, “The location of the aim is the Pride Ring.”
Eh, how were people so damn stupid, Blitzø wondered. Their ads everywhere specifically said that they only worked on Earth. It was plastered all over their website. Blitzø sighed, actually kind of disappointed that he had to turn down this offer. It seemed like a rather big deal.
“Woman, listen, we do not take any cases in Hell, we only kill the ones above and-“
“I am willing to pay you a lot.”
Blitzø sighed again. Why couldn’t these dumb Karens take no for an answer?
“Again, we do not fucking kill anybody already down he-“
“Will 15 000 suffice?” The woman spat out casually. “20? More? We can negotiate. I do not care for the price, I just want this imp-sucking disgrace dead.” Blitzø heard a sound of something breaking at her side of the call.
He closed his mouth and gulped, not finding any words in his mind with which he could possibly answer. 15 000? That was more than twice the money they ever got for a case and the fact that this woman was willing to pay them even more- Well, Blitzø’s gut feeling that this was a rich bitch client was not wrong and oh, did it make him feel proud.
But on the other hand, they couldn’t, shouldn’t, take up any jobs here, in Hell. It was too dangerous and, well, just not the whole business plan Blitzø had. And if he accepted one client, there could possibly be soon hundreds of clients demanding assassinating some other demons for them, and Blitzø couldn’t do it. But then again. 15 000? 20 000? You don’t say no to such money.
“I-“ The imp started, knowing that he had to answer somehow but still struggling to find the right words. “Listen, lady, it’s not that simple, okay?” He said, hoping that this not upfront rejection would calm the woman for at least some time. “For now I can only say that we may potentially be interested, but we need more info and- Actually, who is this you wanna kill so bad anyway? Must be a big deal if you’re willing to spend this damn much-“
The voice sounded just as unimpressed as earlier.
“Prince Stolas.”
“And depending on the danger of the situation, the price may- WAIT WHAT-“ Blitzø continued his ramble until the weight of the name he heard settled in and he finally understood what was happening.
The client, a wife as she previously stated, wanted her husband dead for cheating on her. She was a very rich individual, it seemed, so rich in fact that she did not even flinch while spitting five digit prices. The husband was Prince Stolas, which meant that Blitzø was now talking to the one and only Stella Goetia, whose party he crushed just about four months ago.
Fuck his life.
“Didn’t you hear?” Stella scoffed again, either not minding explaining her situation to a “random” person or just wanting to bitch about her apparent suffering, Blitzø wasn’t sure. “This waste of space for a husband dared to cheat on me. Me! I will not face any more of the shame that this excuse of a man brings into our marriage and this world, not anymore. I want him gone. Now!”
“I-“
“Imp, how much money do you want to be paid? I said, I do not care for the price. Just say the number and I will pay it. If you can get it over with in two days, I may even pay you more, for the quick notice. Nevertheless, the result that I except is-“
Blitzø took the phone away from his ear and put it onto the table with a shaking hand. When did that happen? Well, that was not the thing he worried most about now. He could still hear some muffled Stella’s complaining and demands from the mobile away from him, but he didn’t care for that, not now.
He stood up and walked away from the desk, towards the mirror, noticing that not only his hands were shaking, but his legs were too. He was practically shaking as a whole, too shocked and simultaneously terrified by the phone call that he didn’t know what else to do, than just hug himself and pretend that it all didn’t happen.
But oh, it did. Because Stolas’s apparently insane wife had just called I.M.P., literal assassins, to demand an assassination on her husband. The husband who cheated on her with the very same person she called, though probably this fact was unbeknownst to her. And the cheating that had her so enraged was also the fuel that contributed to I.M.P. even being able to exist. Blitzø shook his head in desperation, the irony and absurdity of this situation not quite yet settling in.
Moreover, what even did it all mean? Did Stella really intend to murder Stolas? If yes, what would it mean to Blitzø? No Stolas probably meant no book with the fancy name, and he couldn’t have that. But what guarantee he had that if he just told this bitch no, she would give up and leave Stolas alone? None – well, it was rather safe to assume that Blitzø had the guarantee that Stella would find someone else who wouldn’t hesitate to do the job then. Was Stolas in danger? It seemed so – Blitzø didn’t know who would refuse such money. He wouldn’t, if it wasn’t for his business’s safety.
But was it for his business’s safety or for Stolas’s safety? Would Blitzø feel bad about the price dying? What if he managed to somehow keep the fancy book, to hide it before anyone came looking for it? He wouldn’t have to fuck Stolas senseless only for the sake of making a living but- Did Stolas deserve such a fate? Death by assassination by some crazy woman, his wife of all people? And well, Blitzø wasn’t stupid – it felt rather safe to assume that this cunt wasn’t particularly nice and easy on Stolas before, if her first reaction to being cheated on was planning death upon her husband. And wasn’t arranged marriages also like, a typical thing for all of the aristocracy or something? Blitzø didn’t know, didn’t care, if it was the case for Stolas, but-
No, he couldn’t do this job. He couldn’t kill Stolas, that was never the question in the first place. Perhaps it was more about what to do about Stella and about her vicious intentions. But that was for later. Now, Blitzø had to first silent her and inform her than she could go fuck herself, because he would never, ever agree to assassinating the prince, and-
Blitzø turned around to find his phone quiet now. So Stella must have hung up sometime after no answers from his side.
Well, that made sense, he guessed. Though, he did feel bad that he couldn’t straight forward scream at Stolas’s wife now and just get some of that anger out of himself. It would help him, but one couldn’t have everything, he presumed.
Blitzø sighed and sat down in his chair, rubbing his forehead with two fingers. This whole situation was giving him a headache slowly. What was he to do now? He wasn’t sure if he should inform Stolas or maybe try to somehow eliminate Stella, just in case. But then again, maybe Stolas dying would actually be to his advantage-
No, he couldn’t have it. He had decided that he would never kill Stolas, but just letting him die felt… wrong as well. Blitzø knew that he wouldn’t be able to forget about the phone call for the longest time now. Just hearing how vile and full of hatred this woman was, willing to just kill her husband and being able to speak about it with so little care and tact… It made him want to combust.
Something just told Blitzø that this was how she was usually acting and he didn’t like it. Stolas may be a rich and pompous prince, but he didn’t deserve being abused because he finally decided to change something in his miserable life.
Blitzø slammed his fist into the desk angrily and picked up his phone, dialling Stolas’s number immediately. He knew that there was a long conversation awaiting him.