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“It is enough, Lisa. I love you, and I think you still love me. We just have to figure out how our lives fit together. So, would you please stay?”
Lisa stood there, honestly shocked that Jack had finally said what she’d wanted to hear for so long. He’d also said something she’d been trying to figure out for the last seven years, how their lives fit together, and at one point, years ago, she thought they were on that path, figuring out how their lives fit together, but over the last year or so, that pathway had changed, and she hadn’t been able to pinpoint where things had gone horribly wrong. This trip, like so many they’d been on, had been a disaster, but they’d gutted it out, and Jack had finally revealed why he’d pushed her away. She had so many thoughts going through her head, and she didn’t even know where to start.
“I saw 10 years down the road and didn’t like it. I didn’t like the idea of me being in a bed and you spoon feeding me mashed potatoes.”
Jack was trying to spare her from some life he’d envisioned because of his age, trying to push her away, trying to keep her from feeling obligated to be with him, but he was just being plain stupid.
Prior to this, she’d spent months and months trying to put her finger on that final straw. She’d through he really didn’t want to be with her anymore, that after more than seven years together, they’d hit that wall, that he’d closed off and had pushed aside any notion of moving beyond his past with Lyndy. She’d never tried to replace Lyndy and had often encouraged Jack to talk about her, to share his life memories with Lisa, and he had at times. She knew hot topics like his really old truck were sticking points regarding Lyndy. They’d had to navigate through that, and at one point, when he’d first come to France, she thought they’d crossed that bridge, as she’d brought up so long ago. Jack had come for her, and she believed they were moving forward, toward something more. Then, she’d had more doubts about their future when he’d told her how much he hated France and even when he’d kept from her his desire to be a foster parent for Georgie. So much had gone on suggesting that Jack didn’t see a future for them. Continually, though, they’d worked through things until she was just done, and suggested they take a break. That hadn’t lasted long because of his heart attack, and of course, she had still loved him then. She thought there was hope after his heart attack when he’d told her he wanted her to come to Arizona, but then, they’d had their final blow up regarding his not needing her to take care of him. She’d left, and she’d spent the last three months trying to come to terms with the idea that going forward, her life would not include Jack. Truthfully, she’d not come to terms with that at all; the idea killed her because as stubborn and as set in his ways as he was, Lisa had been absolutely 100% in love with Jack for years and had wanted a future with him. She’d come back to sell Fairfield and close out a chapter she didn’t want to let go, but her hand had been forced. It hurt too much to hope for anything else now. Jack had been clear about his not wanting her around, or so it had seemed. Now, though, standing on the side of the road, she was speechless, not sure where to even start.
She looked to the ground and looked up, Jack’s pleading look still studying her, waiting for any response, well, waiting for a positive response. She could see the hurt in his eyes, but he’d hurt her too, a lot.
“Hey, are you guys okay?” Lisa and Jack snapped their heads to the side to see Amy leaning her head out the window of the truck. Lisa wanted to curse the timing, and with all of this, she hadn’t even thought about the fact that Ty and Amy, their saviors today, were following them back home. A side-eye at Jack confirmed he had the same thoughts as she did about their timing, but she couldn’t blame Ty and Amy for being concerned.
“We’re fine,” Lisa finally found her voice and nodded, glancing to Jack. He had an almost lost look on his face, and she wasn’t sure what he might say to Amy if prompted, so she continued quickly. “Ahh,” she gestured to her phone, which as she was going to point to her own hand, realized Jack still had her phone in his hand, “I asked Jack to stop because I finally had a phone signal and was trying to call to accept that offer on Fairfield.”
She could feel Jack now looking at her, glancing down to her phone in his hand, but she didn’t want to look at him right now; she focused on Amy, there, looking between the two of them, and she could see the slight frown Amy quickly tried to school at the mention of selling Fairfield.
“Okay, wow, umm, I’m surprised you have any service out here. Ty and I have been constantly checking for service and nothing at all,” Amy looked at them again.
Lisa nodded to them, and she was about to speak, but she saw Jack glance at her phone, checking on that phone service. She was trying to keep her eyes on Amy, but out of the corner of her eye, she saw him purse his lips and nod, glancing back to Amy.
“No service right now,” he said glancing to Lisa.
“I suppose then I’ll have to wait until we get back to town,” Lisa said with a glance again to Jack, this time meeting his gaze. She felt his eyes staring right through her into her soul this time. “Just hope things work out.”
“Well, we were just worried about you, wanted to make sure you weren’t having any issues with the truck since it had run out of gas and all back there,” Amy explained.
“Amy, you and Ty go on,” Jack waved. “We’re going to have to stop for some food and more fuel. No reason for you two to be held up by us.”
They watched Amy glance to Ty, and she turned back to the two of them, “Okay, just be careful. We might stop ourselves closer to or even in Hudson. It’s been a long day, but I’m sure the two of you are starving.”
“Thank you for checking on us and for coming to our rescue today,” Lisa nodded to her with a small smile. “Really, you two,” she nodded again.
“Just glad things weren’t any worse,” Amy said with a small smile and met Lisa’s gaze, “and that you two are hopefully okay.”
Lisa tried to keep a neutral expression at Amy’s inference there and just nodded to her.
“You worked wonders with Cinders. I cannot thank you enough.”
“You’re welcome. Please keep me posted on him. Some just belong together.”
“Okay, we’ll be off then,” Ty called to them through the truck. “If you need anything more, well,” he shrugged, “I’d say call, but service is terrible as we have all figured out. Once we get to the main road, we’re not getting off it, so we should be in front of you until Hudson.”
“You two be careful,” Jack turned to their truck, whereas he’d been facing Lisa to this point. “Get home before dark,” he tapped Amy’s door, and they waved as they drove off. Lisa really didn’t want to stand on the side of this logging road , especially with the cold temperatures and continue this discussion here, the first brutally honest discussion they’d had in awhile, so when Jack turned back toward her, she hooked her hand over her shoulder and gestured back to the truck. The two often didn’t need to vocalize words, and this was another example of that. Jack nodded, but before he walked to his door, he took just a few steps toward her, palming her phone and reaching to hand it back to her.
“Hard to make a call when your phone isn’t even powered on,” he said, his eyes locking on hers. It quickly reminded her of another time he’d caught her in a lie, a very, very long time ago, the first trip to the fishing cabin.
“There’s just nothing I like more than to do a little fly fishing.”
In this moment right here and now, with his eyes locked on hers as he called her bluff, she chose to answer as he’d done to her that long, long ago.
“I can see that,” she said, her expression neutral as she accepted her phone, her eyes still on his. She’d considered this a ‘white lie’ with Jack, something to achieve the greater good, just as it had done all those years ago. That trip to the fishing cabin was one of her very favorite memories, and here now, Jack had finally told her he still loved her and wanted her to stay. She just needed to decide if that was going to be enough for her, for them.
She felt a jolt go through her body when his hand rested in hers just for that moment as she gripped her phone, and she wanted to just tell him right then how much she missed that, his touch, even if ever so brief and light. She clutched her phone, still looking at Jack, and he just nodded at her.
“Had to see about any final offer,” she waved her phone, her eyes locking his, and both understanding the meaning beyond real estate.
“Suppose I deserved that, you what, calling me out in your roundabout way,” he said, standing there looking down into her eyes. I should have told you that a long time ago because from the moment I set eyes on you back in Hudson, I’ve wanted to tell you to stay. I just couldn’t get out of my own way to do so. I do love you, and I know you, you want some time to think through all of this, so let’s get off the side of this road and head home.”
Lisa pursed her lips and nodded in agreement, delicately putting her hand on his arm before the two went their separate ways to the truck, “I apologize for that,” she nodded her head in one direction toward where he’d just been standing and rolled her eyes, “for trying to force your hand to say something, anything. We’ve been at this now for over 24 hours, and I felt like we were still dancing around some issues even though we’d addressed others. I couldn’t see another way to get all cards on the table, you know,” she paused and locked eyes on his, “so I can weigh all my options.”
He nodded and then gestured toward the truck, gently putting his hand on her back as he walked her to her door and helped her into the truck. She saw him sigh as he walked over to his door and got back in. Before he started the truck, he glanced at her.
“I am assuming you really do have an offer on Fairfield?”
She nodded, looking over to him, “That is true, yes, or at least I did yesterday. With no service, I have no way to know where that stands, where anything stands.”
“Well,” he rolled his head, “I hope you are clear now at least where I stand, and I hope it is enough, Lise, that I love you and want us to figure out how our lives fit together. I acknowledge we can’t keep going in circles, down the same roads.”
“Recalculating,” they both heard, and if Jack’s eyes could have jumped out of his head, they would have. He started looking around like he was looking for a stowaway, and Lisa burst out laughing. Jack snapped his gaze back to her, and she had her hand at her mouth, trying to contain her laughter.
“Did you pick up that stupid thing after I threw it?”
She nodded and sat forward, reaching down into her purse where she pulled it out, a few scratches now on it and gestured toward him, “I’m sorry, but it is a very high-tech and expensive GPS. While you and Ty were finishing with the gas, I might have gone in search of it, thankfully remembering the general area where you and the GPS had your last stand.”
He lunged for it, and she started to squeal and laugh, holding it away from his grip at the door.
“That thing is total garbage,” he told her as he wildly gestured. “Lise, it couldn’t even get us to Montana. It’s the reason we got lost, its inability to accurately understand highways.”
“I know, I know,” she put her hand toward him to almost ward off another attack at the GPS.” She made a sad face at him and batted her eyes, “I am sorry about the GPS, really, I mean, that it was still on. I thought I turned it off, but I had no plan to make you listen to it again.”
“You thought you turned it off,” he grumbled, “probably that stupid machine again, won’t even turn off when you try. You can have it,” he waved at her, “but please,” he turned his head and met her gaze, “please, for my sanity and if you care anything about me at all, please turn that junk off. I’ll be just fine getting us back home.”
She looked to him, dropping her head with an almost remorseful look, Jack still looking at her, and she powered off the device. Without warning, she put her window down and while still looking at Jack, she chucked it over her shoulder out the window.
“Some things aren’t worth a fight,” she said with a nod and a small smile at him.
Jack nodded back, a slight smile visible under his mustache, put the truck in gear, and they started driving again. The truck was quiet, both were exhausted from the ordeal. It wasn’t just the night outside, but also the emotional toll all of this had taken on both of them.
Finally, he broke the silence, “What were you going to do if I hadn’t come after you and taken that phone?”
She was still looking ahead out the window, but she had a small smile on her lips as she glanced toward him, almost surprised he was still looking at her and not the road. She tried to school her features when she saw he was still watching her.
“I hadn’t thought through all of that,” she explained with a shrug. “I suppose I would have claimed to have poor service again.”
He nodded at her explanation, and the two settled into silence again.
Eventually, she looked over at him and gestured with her hand, “You really thought you were trying to save me from a life of taking care of you?”
He let out a sigh; she heard it, and he glanced at her with a frown now on his face, “I thought you deserved better.”
She shook her head and looked to the ceiling, letting out her own long sigh. That had floored her, the reason behind the final blowup. Sure, it was honorable, but Lisa couldn’t believe after seven years, Jack really felt that pushing Lisa away due to something he thought, some honorable deed he believed he was doing, was the answer. She had loved him. She DID love him, but yes, she continued to shake her head as she thought, was it going to be enough? Could they move forward from this, and what did that future look like?
She caught Jack eyeing her as he continually checked the road and then glanced toward her.
“Are you okay?” Jack finally asked and gestured, “You are sitting there just nodding your head. I can’t tell if you are having some internal struggle or nodding off.”
She pursed her lips and glanced to him completely unaware she was sitting there nodding her head, “I’ll stop with my internal struggle.” Their eyes locked for several seconds before Jack had to turn his attention back to the road. Less than a minute later, as they drove around a bend in the road, Jack gestured at the window.
“Finally, the main road,” he sighed a huge sigh of relief. Lisa did too.
“I remember we had passed a gas station not far from this turnoff, and I could really use a bathroom,” she glanced to him with a pleading look. That moment, that comment, took her back to another tense conversation where she’d told him the same, that she needed a bathroom. It had been that cattle drive years ago, as well, where he’d been all over her case about that new saddle she’d bought him, embarrassed with its special arthritic padding, claiming he didn’t need to be treated like some invalid, and even when she’d tried hinting at spending some alone time with him, he’d taken it as her suggesting he needed to go to bed early because of his age. He really must have been more focused on their ages than he’d ever let on. It clicked with Lisa that he really had been seeing himself as a burden on her all these years, that their age was a factor, and to her, it never had been or could be. She wanted to tell him she didn’t care if they had 10 minutes or 10 years, that all she’d ever wanted was to be with him. Going forward, though, was the question-could they move forward? How many times could they continually circle back to these same problems? Would they finally be able to move beyond this mess with more and more out in the open?
“There it is,” Jack nodded, and Lisa looked out the window. Civilization, or at least an attempt at it. It was a small gas station with a restaurant attached, perfect for what they needed right now. A good hot shower would be the icing on the cake, but that would have to wait until they’d both gotten back home. She turned toward him as he continued to speak, “Let’s do this,” he suggested. “I’ll gas up the truck if you want to use the bathroom and freshen up because I know that has to be driving you crazy. We can meet inside and get something hot to eat. I’m starving, and I know you have to be too. Cinders should be fine if I park the truck toward the back, and we can check on him after we eat.”
She gave a single nod, “Not going to argue that freshening up sounds heavenly. I could definitely eat, and a cup of coffee sounds almost too good to be true.”
Jack pulled in and dropped her off at the door, as the gas pumps were around to the back of the building. Lisa groaned at the sight of herself in the mirror. Camping overnight had been interesting, but she had really appreciated Jack going above and beyond to create a basic shelter. The night would have been exponentially worse had they not had some shelter from the storm, and both had stayed dry and decently warm throughout the night. The fact that neither had awakened when Cinders had broken free and taken off, told her that for the first time in a long time, she’d slept soundly simply because Jack was right there. She wasn’t sure how to tell him that with everything they were trying to sort through, but it was true, and maybe, just maybe he felt the same way because he hadn’t awakened either. Camping hadn’t been completely awful because he’d been right by her side throughout and had made her feel safe, just as he always did. She tried to comb through her hair using her fingers, even making a face when she somehow picked a leaf out of her hair. She washed her face, laughing at the idea of any makeup right now, not that after all these years Jack hadn’t seen her plenty of times without any makeup, and when she felt as put together as she could be under the circumstances, she went in search of Jack and food, finding him already at the table. She frowned as she walked up, not realizing she’d been in the bathroom so long.
“Sorry I took so long,” she told him as she sat down. He’d already ordered coffee for both of them, and the steaming cup sitting at her place setting smelled wonderful to her right now.
He shook his head while still looking at the small menu, “No problem. I’d say for a Girl Guide, you did very well overnight. Didn’t hear a single complaint.” Jack eyed her over his glasses, and she held back a grin as she picked up her own menu, eyeing him with a nod. Studying it, she realized she was much hungrier than she had thought. Everything looked good, but her stomach was in knots, so nothing necessarily sounded good to her.
“Special, when I walked in, was listed as meatloaf,” he told her, putting down his menu and taking off his glasses. I guess I’ll try that. Hopefully, it’s hot and there’s plenty of it since it’s a special. Guess I can always douse it in gravy if it’s too dry.”
She nodded in agreement, putting her menu down as well, “That sounds like the best option, although I’m usually not one to gamble on local meatloaf.”
He sipped at his coffee, raising his eyes to her as he did, “Haven’t had good meatloaf since just after my heart attack.”
She held back a smile, nodding instead at the compliment. He was speaking of her meatloaf, one of his favorite meals. The first time she’d ever made it, he’d commented that he was surprised someone with her social status enjoyed such a basic meal. Over the years, she’d surprised him a lot with her down-to-earth habits. Sure, she appreciated plenty of finer things, but she was happy with simplicity and a home-cooked meal any day. As for that meatloaf he liked, she’d made it after he’d come home from the hospital and had been happy then to see him with a good appetite. Her thought was interrupted when the waitress walked up to the table.
“Ready to order?”
Jack gestured at Lisa, and she pointed to him while she ordered, “Special for both of us, the meatloaf, yes?” She looked to Jack, and he nodded in agreement.
“Comes with green beans and either a baked potato or mashed potatoes,” she told them.
Lisa’s eyes rose, and she locked eyes on Jack as she answered with her voice much higher, “Oh, mashed potatoes for both. We have been talking about mashed potatoes all day.” She watched Jack put his elbow on the table and drop his head toward his closed fists to mask any reaction. When the waitress left, she tilted her head at him.
“Eating those will never be the same, will it?” Jack asked, eyeing her, holding back a smirk.
“No, it will not,” she nodded, looking to her cup of coffee and raising it to her mouth as she held back her own. “At least now, with all cards on the table, finally,” she glanced to him and then back to her coffee, “I can truly weigh all of my options, and we’ll see where that takes us.”