Work Text:
It happened as Merlin had always dreaded it would: in the blink of an eye, when there was no time to think, no time to do anything other than use magic.
He and Gwaine had been separated from the rest of the patrol by a fairly large branch of an already large group of marauders that had been chasing them. They had seemed to come from nowhere, silence in one heartbeat, an onslaught of men with swords in the next. Their goal had seemed to be to separate Arthur’s group into as many smaller groups as possible, hunt them down, and kill them, most likely to rob them. Why these bandits never seemed to learn that the knights of Camelot were a terrible target for such an activity, Merlin could never figure out.
They would make it out of this. They had to.
As the group cornered Merlin and Gwaine in a ravine, Gwaine in front, valiantly fighting the men off and keeping them separated from what he thought was a helpless Merlin, one of the brigands landed a slicing blow to Gwaine’s elbow—the one place his armour didn’t cover. The blade swept cleanly through Gwaine’s gambeson, drawing gushing red blood from his arm. This didn’t stop Gwaine, but it slowed him down enough for the bandit to kick him onto his back, and he landed on hard rocks, whose moss covering would not be enough to soften the blow.
Before the bandit could make another move, Merlin used his magic to rain stones down on the entire group, first at the man who had his sword raised over Gwaine’s dazed form, knocking him to the side, then crushing the rest of them underneath an avalanche that could not have come from nature.
As Merlin felt the burn leave his eyes and he lowered his hand, he looked down to Gwaine at his feet, who was staring wide-eyed up at Merlin, his chest heaving beneath his armour, his arm bleeding onto the stones beneath him.
Trying to pretend nothing else had happened, Merlin rushed to Gwaine’s side and clasped his hands around his injured elbow, squeezing to stave the blood as he hurried to retrieve bandages from his pack.
“Merlin, what was that?” Gwaine asked.
“Shh, you’re losing a lot of blood.”
“Merlin, what did you do?”
“Don’t worry about it, Gwaine, I need to stop the bleeding.” Quickly, he wrapped the elbow in bandages, the white cloth stained red in an instant. How had the bandit’s sword cut so deep? Just barely managing to keep his hands steady, Merlin used a small knife from his pack to cut away the cloth of the gambeson to allow him to bandage the elbow properly.
“That wasn’t a natural avalanche. You did that. I saw you.”
“Gwaine, please.”
“You used magic.”
Merlin’s face burned as he tried to focus on tying the bandage into place. “You hit your head. You’re delirious.”
“No. No, I saw you. I saw your eyes.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” The elbow taken care of, Merlin hooked his arms under Gwaine’s and dragged him away from the rocks to an area of soft dirt, placing his pack underneath Gwaine’s head as a pillow. He felt Gwaine’s scalp for injuries. There was no blood, but Gwaine winced when Merlin’s fingers brushed over the back of his head, where he had landed on the rock. “Just lie down for a while. The others will come for us.”
“Merlin...” Gwaine started softly as Merlin settled into a sitting position beside his reclining figure. “You saved my life. We’d both be dead right now if it weren’t for you.”
Merlin stared straight ahead at the pile of rocks that now blocked the ravine, dead bandits underneath. “It wasn’t me.”
“Merlin. Don’t lie to me.”
Merlin’s head snapped to Gwaine. They locked eyes, each searching the other’s face for any hint of hostility. Merlin knew his face must have been showing some, but Gwaine’s was completely absent of any. He felt his face soften and he looked down.
“It’s okay, Merlin.”
He looked back up, still silent.
“I won’t tell.”
He stared some more.
“I wouldn’t see anything happen to you for this. What you did was good.”
Merlin’s lips parted, his breathing increased, his heart racing, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of Gwaine, lying there helpless, barely having escaped being killed, all because of Merlin. And Gwaine knew it.
Merlin had been known like this before. By Lancelot. Lancelot had been Merlin’s best friend. He was everything Merlin could ever have asked for and more and he missed him every day. Gwaine was a true friend as well, but Merlin could never trust him with his secret, just as he could never trust anyone with his secret. Lancelot had found out when they had only known each other a few days. There had been no betrayal there, no secrecy, but Merlin had been more careful since then and had managed to escape suspicion.
Merlin had betrayed his friends and now one of them was finding out. Gwaine had every right to be angry, not to want to ever speak to Merlin again, and yet—
“Are you sure?” Merlin heard his hoarse voice say. “I’m a criminal. A traitor.”
“Merlin—”Gwaine raised his right, uninjured arm, placing his gloved hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “It’s okay. I trust you.”
“Why?”
“Well, you see... I have a secret of my own.”
Merlin’s breath caught in his chest. Could it be? Did Gwaine have magic too? Was he about to reveal they had so much more in common than Merlin already believed?
The leather around Gwaine’s hand was warm as it slid from Merlin’s shoulder to his neck, Gwaine’s fingers sliding under Merlin’s neckerchief as they curled around the back, pulling Merlin in for a kiss.
A sharp exhale through Merlin’s nose, his hands planting on the ground to either of Gwaine’s sides, Merlin’s eyes shocking open, then fluttering closed, and then he was kissing Gwaine, a soft touch of their lips, Gwaine’s beard just tickling Merlin’s face, and Gwaine pulled him in close, almost too close for comfort, considering Gwaine’s injuries, but it ended up being the most comforting touch Merlin had felt in a long time, and warmth pooled in his body at Gwaine’s tender caresses.
Merlin didn’t know how long it lasted, but it wasn’t long enough. The shock of going from a treasonous sorcerer to the object of Gwaine’s affections in such a short amount of time was almost too much for his mind to process. He could do nothing but laugh. “Was that your secret?”
“Yes,” Gwaine laughed, his breath a warm breeze on Merlin’s lips.
“Well, what do you know, I have the same secret.” He lowered his lips back to Gwaine’s. This time, there was no hesitation in it, just warm affection, Gwaine’s hand gripping Merlin’s neck, Merlin’s fingers digging into the soil beneath them. Gwaine opened his mouth to Merlin, pleasantly surprising him with his tongue and the ardour with which it pushed into Merlin’s mouth.
It wasn’t much longer before Gwaine relaxed, his mouth going slack and his hand slipping from Merlin’s neck.
Merlin pulled back, thinking Gwaine was getting tired, but saw that it was more than that. His eyes were closed, his breathing slow and shallow.
“Gwaine! Gwaine, no, don’t fall asleep.” Merlin held Gwaine’s head in his hands, gently slapping his cheek to wake him. “Gwaine!”
Gwaine’s eyes blinked open, but remained hazy. “Merlin?”
“Gwaine, tell me how you feel. Do you feel sleepy? Disoriented? Confused? Light-headed?” Merlin placed his hand on Gwaine’s head to feel his temperature.
“I feel... like I’ve been hit in the head.”
“Is that what’s causing your loss of consciousness or is it the blood loss?”
“I... I don’t know.” He closed his eyes again.
“Gwaine!” Merlin felt for Gwaine’s pulse in his neck. Weak. Spreading his hands out across Gwaine’s chest, he used his magic to feel inside Gwaine’s body for the problem. It wasn't something he often had occasion to do, so he couldn’t be sure what he was feeling for, but there was a sense of emptiness there. Concentrating on that feeling, he unfurled his magic into Gwaine, into his blood, his veins, his entire body, then pulled at the streams of life down in the earth and the plant life that surrounded them, combating the emptiness until it entangled itself with him and Gwaine and they shared one body, the two of them and the nature around them, until balance was restored and Gwaine gasped awake.
Merlin sat back and waited for a response.
Gwaine sat up. “Merlin!”
“Gwaine! Are you alright?”
He held his hand to his head and slumped back down, Merlin rushing forward to gently lay his head down on his pack.
“Be careful.”
“I’m always careful.”
“Sure, that’s why you almost died in my arms.”
“Hey, being careful can only take you so far.”
“How do you feel?”
Gwaine took a deep breath. “Better. What did you do?”
“I healed you. At least, I think I did.” Merlin unwrapped the bandages from Gwaine’s elbow to check his cut. It had stopped bleeding and was shallower now, but still not healed.
“Would you look at that?” A look of amused affection crossed Gwaine’s face.
“It’s still not healed. But you’ll recover. I need to change the bandages.” He threw away the dark soaked cloths. “Here.” Merlin cradled Gwaine’s head in his hands, moved the pack from under it, and set his head in his lap. Then he took clean bandages from the pack and bent over Gwaine to wrap his elbow with them. He looked down to see Gwaine smiling up at him. “How do you feel now?”
“Better.”
“You’ll be alright. You just need to rest until they find us. And they will find us.” He ran his fingers through Gwaine’s hair.
“Couldn’t you get us out of here?”
Merlin looked up at the top of the ravine. It wasn’t that deep and the rocks weren’t too sharp. It may have even been climbable. “Maybe. But you need to rest. And don’t fall asleep because you might not wake up.”
“Just from this?”
“I’ve seen it happen before with head injuries.”
“You are the expert.”
“Are you feeling okay though?”
“A lot better, Merlin.”
Merlin continued to pet Gwaine’s hair. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?”
“Sorry I didn’t save you in time.”
“You did save me though.”
“I could have done it sooner and then you wouldn’t have almost died.”
“But I didn’t die, so as far as I’m concerned, you saved me.”
“I’m glad.” Merlin bent down and placed a kiss on Gwaine’s forehead.
Gwaine reached his hand up to Merlin’s neck again and pulled him closer so that their lips were touching. Merlin was very unused to this but thought that he could become accustomed to it. It would be easy with Gwaine. Gwaine deepened the kiss and Merlin cradled his head in his hands, shifted underneath him to get a more comfortable angle, Gwaine’s fingers on Merlin’s neck soft through the leather of his glove. Merlin placed his hand on Gwaine’s and slowly lifted the glove from his hand so that Gwaine’s hand was bare against Merlin’s neck, warm and tender, and it sent waves of comfort through Merlin’s body.
Merlin pulled back.
“Is something wrong?” Gwaine asked.
“I just feel a little strange about it. I know I’m not but I feel like I’m taking advantage of you. You’re my patient now and I shouldn’t be doing this with my patient.”
“It’s okay, Merlin, I’m not just a patient.”
“I know, you’re also a knight.”
“Is that a problem?”
“I don’t know. What will Arthur think about it?”
“It’s okay, Merlin, you couldn’t possibly take advantage of me. I would never let you.”
Merlin smiled. “And I would never let you.”
“So what’s wrong?”
Merlin hesitated. “I don’t know.”
“I see. Is it because you don’t like me?”
“No! It’s not that at all. I do like you. This is all just so sudden. I feel like I have been lying to you but I didn’t need to.”
“You did need to though. I get it. You did it to protect yourself and me. If I knew, what would I have to do? Why would you think I would do anything other than tell Arthur because I am his knight and I did swear fealty to him. But I was your friend first. Why would I not trust you?”
“I don’t know. I’ve always had to hide and I just—” An unexpected swell of emotion strangled Merlin’s throat. “Lancelot knew and he was the same way and I miss him so much.”
Gwaine reached up and held Merlin’s face in his hand. “I had no idea. I know you two were close. I know you took his death really hard. We all did, but it was especially hard for you. I’m sorry. Do you have anyone else?”
“Gaius.”
“Oh that makes sense. Anyone else?”
“My mother.”
“But she’s not here.”
“Yeah.”
“So you had Lancelot and Gaius.”
“Yeah.” Merlin was on the verge of tears now.
“And now you only have Gaius,” Gwaine said in a soft voice. “Merlin, I’m so sorry.” His thumb glided over Merlin’s cheek. “You have me now.” His tone was tentative and hopeful, almost a question.
Merlin bent and laid a passionate kiss on Gwaine’s lips, gently holding his head so as not to cause him any pain. He could feel the relief in Gwaine’s kiss, the way he relaxed beneath Merlin’s hands as they sifted through Gwaine’s hair and wandered down his chest. Even through the armour, there was a sense of letting go, everything that had ever held them back from each other leaving in that instant.
Their noses brushed together as Merlin pulled back, Gwaine’s taste lingering on his tongue. “I’ve wanted to have you for a long time.” Merlin’s whispered confession was like dew between them.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I couldn’t.”
“I understand. You can talk to me now. About anything.”
Merlin smiled. “Thanks, Gwaine.”
Merlin and Gwaine spent the next few hours talking about Merlin’s magic and the things he had gotten up to either with Gaius or Lancelot, alone, and some things that Gwaine had been present for that he hadn’t realised were caused by Merlin’s magic, Gwaine listening intently, laughing at all the correct parts, unlike Gaius, who could sometimes be too serious. The relief Merlin felt at being able to tell someone about all this was unbelievable, a physical unspooling of the strain he had kept so tight in his heart. And Gwaine’s gaze up at him was so welcoming, so comforting for those long hours that the time passed at lightning speed. It was an amazing thing.
As Merlin was telling Gwaine about princess Elena, Gwaine’s eyes began to slip closed once more.
“Oh no, Gwaine!” Merlin exclaimed, slapping him upside the head.
Nothing.
“Gwaine!” Merlin shouted, scooting out from underneath him, moving the pack back into place. “Gwaine, please wake up!”
Gwaine’s eyes fluttered, but did not open.
“Gwaine, please.” Desperate, Merlin placed his hands on Gwaine’s shoulders, felt into him with his magic. Once more, he could feel Gwaine’s consciousness slipping away somewhere unknown. Merlin pressed his forehead to Gwaine’s and then kissed him, not knowing what else to do.
It was several minutes before Gwaine started kissing back. Merlin pulled away.
“Merlin?” Gwaine asked in a confused, muffled voice.
“Yes, yes, it’s me.” He ran his fingers through Gwaine’s hair, to make him feel alive.
“Merlin, I don’t think I’m okay.”
“Don’t say that. You’re going to be okay.” Merlin gripped Gwaine’s hand in both of his, crouching next to him, feeling small and helpless.
“Merlin... I feel sleepy.”
“Gwaine.” Desperate, Merlin held Gwaine’s hand to his mouth, not kissing it, just holding on for dear life, feeling into him with his magic as tears spilled from his eyes, willing his friend to live. He didn’t know what he was feeling but he was sure he felt Gwaine’s consciousness slipping. Using all he had within him, his love, all his memories, his affection for and his bond with this man, he felt deep into Gwaine’s mind. It was murky work digging through his damaged, stone-struck head, but eventually Merlin felt a light, a warm, comforting, glowing light and he grabbed a hold of it, thrusting it to the surface.
Gwaine’s eyes flew open. “Merlin?”
Merlin’s smile was one of relief. “Yes.”
“Was that you I just felt?”
“Yes. Yes, it was me. How do you feel?”
“I’m in pain.”
“Oh Gwaine.” Merlin lowered his hand to Gwaine’s injured elbow, held it, and let his magic into it. Slowly, a gold light spread from his fingers into Gwaine’s body.
Gwaine gasped, then held Merlin’s gaze. By the familiar burning and slight haze in his eyes, Merlin knew they were glowing and that was what had transfixed Gwaine. “How does that feel?”
Gwaine’s mouth was open in surprise and it took him a moment to respond. “Good. What are you doing?”
“I’m easing your pain.” Merlin’s voice came out strangled.
“How?”
Merlin swallowed.
“Come here.” Gwaine put his arm around Merlin’s shoulders, an unassuming gesture, but one that conveyed his message perfectly, and Merlin lowered himself in a slow, soft motion, until he was lying beside Gwaine, in his arm, still grasping the other arm, sharing his pain to keep him alive.
Gwaine’s fingers in Merlin’s hair spread warmth and a feeling of love throughout him, which in turn made his magic stronger and more capable of relieving Gwaine’s pain.
They lay there until dark, not sleeping, but not doing much else, the scattered gleam of Merlin’s magic just lighting the bottom of the ravine.
Some time later, there came the sound of footsteps at the top of the ravine and Merlin let his shine dim and sat up, alert. Then Percival’s head popped out over the edge of the ravine and when he saw them, he smiled that huge Percival smile.
Merlin and Gwaine laughed in relief, then Percival was joined by Elyan and Leon and finally Arthur. Smiles were shared all around and Merlin was reminded he still had friends.
They were safe.