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Just One of Those Days

Summary:

Kaz wakes up to a depressive episode. His friends worry about him.

Notes:

I wrote this last night to fend off my own depression. Enjoy!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Kaz sighed. It didn’t take him very long, feeling the weight of his existence closing in on him, to know that it was one of those days. He tried to go back to sleep and escape into unconsciousness rather than have to live through what he knew was going to be the one of the longest days of his life. Unfortunately the sleep never came, and Kaz was left to rot on his bed, alone, and bored. He didn’t have to be alone, though. Hell, he probably shouldn’t have been in that state. Staring at the ceiling with a certain apathy and numbness he’d grown accustomed to over the years, Kaz weighed his options. While he hated to admit it, he technically wasn’t in the right mind at the moment, and he knew sometimes it helped to have others there with him. Despite this, he felt resigned to just laying there, not moving a muscle.

Everything took too much energy, and his body felt heavy, and he couldn’t seem to care about anything in the world. His mind was foggy, which for him was one of the worst possible feelings, but again, he couldn’t bring himself to care. He sighed, and continued his staring contest with the ceiling from his bed. He was getting quite good these days.

Time passed by meaninglessly, too slow yet gone in a flash, and at some point his phone buzzed. Only doing as much as shifting his gaze over to where his phone laid on the bedside table, he remained still. Then it buzzed again… and again. Taking a moment to steel himself, he slowly sat up enough to lean against the headboard and grabbed his phone. The texts were from Jesper, and as Kaz scrolled down, the messages seemed to grow more and more concerned. They eventually ended with something along the lines of, “Kaz, why aren’t you answering me? Are you ok?”  

The truth was that he wasn’t okay, not in the slightest, but instead of telling his friend that, he shut his phone off and rolled over to suffocate face-down in his pillows. Yup, one of those days.

He realized he must’ve fallen asleep at some point, because he found himself waking up groggily to the sound of someone knocking on the front door. Whatever, they’ll go away soon enough, he figured. Unfortunately for him, the person did not seem satisfied with the sentiment. In fact, they had started calling his name at some point, and it sounded almost urgent. The voice felt familiar as it rang in his ears, but Kaz was too busy laying face-down like a dead man on his bed. He felt tears in his eyes, but didn’t feel sad at all. Just one of those days.

Kaz couldn’t remember how long the person had been there, but eventually the door knob shook with the familiar sound of locks being picked. Who would be breaking in at a time like this? To be honest, he didn’t really feel much worry or concern. He simply turned his head from the pillows to face the front door, which was visible through his already open bedroom door. Did I leave it open last night? he wondered, at the back of his muddled mind.

Eventually, there was a satisfying click! and the front door gave way to the potential assailant. Keeping his bored eyes trained on the movement, he realized he knew the person who had just broken into his apartment: Inej.
  
Making sure to close the door after stepping inside, she quickly searched the rooms with her eyes. “Kaz! Thank the Saints,” she exclaimed, having spotted him in the bedroom. As she weightlessly made her way to him, she added, "We were worried about you."

Kaz just hummed in response, his tired gaze following her. Inej towered over him from where she stood next to the bed and sighed, hands on her hips. "One of those days, huh?" she asked, studying his face.

Kaz looked exhausted, despite the fact that he'd been laying in bed since he'd woken up. The others knew he got like this sometimes, but he never asked for aid or support. After the first couple of times the Crows tried to convince him to accept their help, they learned to just leave him alone at times like these. He usually at least responded to a few of their messages, though, so no one would worry.

He hadn't done that today.

Instead of answering the girl who had just broken into his apartment to check on him, Kaz moved to face his pillows once more. He felt his meaningless tears form once again, and didn't want to release the dam by talking. He hoped Inej would understand.

Inej always understood. "Alright," she murmured, and looked around the room. "I assume you've been laying here all day, so I'm gonna go get you some water." While her voice was gentle, she left no room for argument. Kaz didn't move, doomed to accept his fate of being cared for by his friend. While he didn't see or hear Inej leave, he felt it. She must have gone to the kitchen for a glass.

Not long afterwards, Inej returned with a glass of water in hand, the scent of food wafting in with her. "Kaz, I'm making you dinner today," she said, setting the glass onto the bedside table near him. "I haven't eaten yet either, so you're stuck with me for a bit longer." Kaz decided to at least put in a little effort for her, so he released an arm from his pile of blankets and gave her a thumbs up. Inej smiled at that. "Great, now that we're all in agreement, how about you get up for a while? We can watch TV," she suggested.

Kaz turned his head over to face her, his expression not one of excitement at the idea of leaving his bed.

"Kaz, you know you'll feel better if you get up for a bit," Inej told him. It was true, he did know that, but it didn't make the idea any more enticing. Now that he thought about it, though, his body did feel a bit stiff from barely moving for hours on end.

"Fine," he rasped, realizing at that moment it probably was a good idea to drink that water. He hadn't spoken all day, and his throat was so dry it felt like he'd coughed up a tumbleweed.

Inej seemed satisfied with that, and left him for the kitchen once again. Kaz took his time getting out of bed, stretching in the process. His bed leg felt especially stiff, so he tried to shake it off a bit. By the time he reached his living room and collapsed on the couch, Inej had finished cooking. She brought in two bowls of cabbage and eggs, and handed one to Kaz. She set her own bowl on the coffee table in front of the couch, and turned the TV on.

"Got any preference?" Inej asked, still facing the TV.

"No," Kaz replied, truly indifferent to their choice of entertainment. He pushed his food around with a fork, not feeling especially hungry. Inej turned back to look at him.

"Great, then we're watching The Lives of Saints," she replied, smiling, although Kaz knew it was only a half-joke. He snickered, despite himself. Inej shrugged and, true to her words, pulled up the classic children's(?) show depicting the lives and martyrdoms of Saints in oddly gory detail. She sat down on the other end of the couch, and began eating her dinner.

Hours went by, the show never ending, and eventually even Kaz had finished his food. It was dark out, the lights were off, and Inej seemed to have fallen asleep. Kaz quietly took their bowls back to the kitchen and returned to his spot on the couch, setting his cane aside. "Thanks," he whispered, watching Inej gently.

She smiled.

Notes:

This is based off of my own experiences with depression. Everyone is different.

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