Work Text:
DOCTOR:
-ress that, and then you hold it up to your mouth like this, say whatever you want, blah blah blah oi Doctor-
DONNA:
Okay, that’s enough-
DOCTOR:
-and then you let off the button, hit send, I can hear whatever you said.
DONNA:
And you said these are from…
DOCTOR:
Not too far in your future, actually! Neat little things. And sorta fun. Faster than a text.
DONNA:
Long as you don’t go blathering on, monologuing into that thing.
DOCTOR:
Well, when have either of us ever done that?
DONNA:
‘Course not. Still don’t totally see the point-
DOCTOR:
Faster than a text, Donna! I might have a lot of info to convey to you. This way I can get it all out in one go. It’s sort of like… like an answering machine. Or email, but for voice. Or, well, I guess texts for voice are more literally and precisely what it is-
DONNA:
[UNIMPRESSED.] Right
DOCTOR:
Those are all things you have already, right? Emails and answering machines-
DONNA:
Yes, Doctor!
DOCTOR:
And, hey, look, when this gets invented, you’ll already know how to use it. Think of how impressed your kids will be.
DONNA:
Not very.
DOCTOR:
Probably not. Anywa-
[CUT]
DONNA:
-sting, testing, 1, 2, 3.
[CUT]
DONNA:
Are you going? Okay. Ugh, Doctor, I should have known when you handed me this thing that you were planning on poncing off, leaving me scrambling. I mean, why show me a way to [IN A MOCKING IMPRESSION OF THE DOCTOR] communicate lots of info, very quickly, faster than a text, Donna! if you weren’t planning on scooting off to God knows where. Really, I should know better at this point.
Anyway, all clear down here still. I mean, still a spooky abandoned space station, but it’s just how you left it. Hope you’re not getting into any terrible danger out there without me! You’re lucky I don’t know how to pilot your precious space ship, we’d see how you like being left to wander for a change.
[CUT]
DOCTOR:
Okay, yes, I’ll be honest with you, Donna, I did, perhaps, have some… pre-meditated ulterior motives in showing you how to use these. Not that I knew I was going to run off!! Just… developing some self-sufficiency! …You know, I can already tell you won’t like the way that that sounds, you’re plenty self-sufficient- ugh, whatever!
Glad things are quiet. The upper deck is quiet, too. Suspiciously quiet! Makes you wonder where everybody went off to. But I’ve yet to be, ah, chased or swallowed or locked away by anything. Which is good news! Despite what you may accuse me of, I’m never hoping for such things to happen.
Now what I want, Donna, is to find a way to get through that door in that room that you and the TARDIS are in. The suspicious looking one. You know how it is, sometimes a door has a look about it. So, I will report back.
[CUT]
DOCTOR:
[Sounding distressed and out of breath. There are sci-fi-ish sound effects in the background - pipes hissing, roars, etc.]
Okay, update!! Still not swallowed or locked away, but I am being, ah, lightly chased. Two out of three ain’t bad, so they say.
Update on the door. Here is how you open it: Twist the knob on the bottom about 85 degrees counter-clockwise, then the middle knob the same but in the other direction. Then the keypad on the left side of the door - not the right, the left, very important - and the combination is two seven seven seven eight five oh six six one nine eight five oh three four five one one three five pound pound pound pound pound two eight eighty six. Which, ah, they need to be running classes on security in this place because I could have guessed that, never use a birthday for a code, what are they thinking. So then after the code, knock three times, then rotate both knobs so they’re facing up again - bottom one first! - then the other keypad, this code is two two two two two two two two two two two, that’s two eleven times. And, hah, and then it should open. Leave it open, I’ll be right there!
This is the use-case of this thing, Donna, how else could I convey all this info while being lightly chased-
[CUT]
DOCTOR:
Hello, Donna! Hope this goes through correctly, you know how text messages sent from inside the TARDIS are - and that’s without the added complexity of an audio component-
TARDIS repairs are coming along swimmingly. [LOUD ELECTRICAL NOISE.] Another use case- messaging you one-handed. [LOUD ELECTRICAL NOISE.] I should have known better, Donna, it seems like every suspiciously abandoned space station we find ourselves on has some sort of spooky scary thing. One that doesn’t even want to talk it out. Because I’m sure if we did we would be able to find lots of common ground, but no, always the chasing and swallowing. Luckily, the TARDIS can survive a little swallowing, can’t you girl.
Donna, I would apologize for putting your life in danger yet again, but since it’s unlikely that this behavior will change any time soon, I’ll spare you. Both of us came out unscathed, so I consider this last trip a raging success.
[CUT]
DONNA:
Doctor, I’ll have you know, many people take issue with my life being in danger any amount. …But I did enjoy the trip, minus the parts where I was left alone and bored, so oh well.
If you would like to make it up to me, I haven’t been able to get out to the shops. Crazy week, you don’t even know the half of it… anyways, I’m out of eggs and milk, and when I went to make myself some toast this morning, the bread had mold on it. Oh, and I could use some vegetables, maybe some broccoli? Do time lords have to worry about getting their greens? Do you even know what all these things are? …And the normal, 2008 version of these things! If you show up on my doorstep with 25th century space milk, or, what, gleeble-glorp eggs, or what have you, Doctor, that won’t cut it.
[CUT]
DOCTOR:
Gleeble-glorps do not lay eggs, Donna, and if they did they’d be impractically large. But yes, I’ll have all that when I come by next. And I do know what broccoli is, thank you.