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Buck hated being a fire marshall. He absolutely hated it. Not because it was mostly a desk job, but because it caused him so much pain. He made it a few weeks, actually meeting his old team at a few places that were responding to the false alarms that were being tested. After he’d run into that sleazy lawyer, he went back, filed his report and met his supervisor, tendering his resignation effective immediately. He couldn’t physically do the job, not while on blood thinners. Sitting still, staying so … sedentary, was causing him more harm than good.
“I don’t think I’m following.” Buck said, frowning when he was in the office.
“You were cleared to return weeks ago, Buckley.” his boss, Mr. Harrison, stated calmly. “The LAFD cleared you. I have no idea why you haven’t been cleared with the station other than Captain’s discretion. I don’t have an answer for you. All I can do is suggest a transfer so you can get back out on a truck and do what you’re best at; saving lives. You’re a good marshall, don’t get me wrong, but this isn’t for you. Here.” Buck accepted a card handed to him. It was for Captain Cooper, with Captain Mehta’s number on the reverse side. “Call them. Request a transfer. I know that’s not what you want, but it’s the only way for you to get back out there sooner than later.”
“I’ll … give it a look. Thanks.” Buck tipped the card at him and went back to the loft and stripped down to just a tank top and gym shorts. He wasn’t gonna work out, that was not his plan. He’d called the LAFD HR office on the way back and they confirmed that he was cleared for work. Which meant Bobby or someone, or all of them, were holding him back from returning to work full time.
“Hello?” Buck put his bottle down quickly as his call connected with the voice he’d only spoken with in brief moments when their calls crossed.
“Captain Mehta, hi, this is, uh, Firefighter Buckely.”
“Buckely. Good to hear from you. What can I do for you?”
“I heard you were offering a transfer opportunity?”
“I am. You ready to get back to work?”
“Yeah, I got all my recertifications done a few weeks ago.” Buck nodded, though the man couldn’t see him through the phone.
“Oh, I already know. The academy was pretty pissed you managed to shatter the old records you held and then some.” He chuckled. “Tell you what, show up on Monday, ready to hit it hard, and I’ll do all the necessary paperwork for your transfer before then.”
“You really want me at your station?” Buck asked skeptically.
“Buckley, you’re the best that has come out in a few years. Any station would benefit from your presence. We’re down some heavy rescue guys, so we could really use your expertise and experience. We’ve got contingencies that are set in place because of the blood thinners, but I don’t see it being a hindrance. Want time to think it over?”
“No, no, I’m good. I’ll be there Monday morning.”
“Eight sharp, Buckley.” Mehta stated. “See you then.”
“Fuck.” Buck groaned, once the line had disconnected. “Just … fucking perfect.” Buck laughed humorlessly. He was … heartbroken, really. Of all the things for Bobby to do after all he’d been through, stonewalling him returning to work was … horrible. And it made Buck’s heart hurt. He drank probably half the bottle before turning on music loud and just letting the songs wash over his inebriated mind. He hummed along to some of them. Honestly, May had really good taste in petty songs. He hoped he could remember to thank her for the playlist in the morning.
It was still pretty early in the evening, so he probably shouldn’t have drank so much so early, but he wanted to get drunk and just … let go. He ate some pizza that he had in the freezer, and just … spent time listening to music and not thinking. Until his phone started ringing incessantly. It just kept going and going. Feeling annoyed, he finally turned the music down a little and answered.
“What?” Buck grumbled, holding onto the counter to stay steady as he swayed with the effects of the alcohol.
“Buck are you … are you drunk?” Bobby asked, sounding concerned.
“Yup.” Buck agreed. “Doesn’t take much at the moment. Did you need something, Captain Nash?”
“Hey, no need to be so hostile, Buck.” Hen called through. Huh. They must be doing a group call. He probably should have looked at that first.
“Plenty of need, Paramedic Wilson.” Buck argued. “See, I found out something interesting today.”
“Buck, we don’t need any of your random facts.” Chim cut in.
“Fine then.” Buck shrugged and hung up on them. He wasn’t surprised that the group chat called through again. “Yes?”
“Did you hang up on us?” Chim asked incredulously.
“I did.” Buck agreed.
“You never hang up on people.” Hen said, a frown evident in her voice.
“Enough people tell you that they don’t want to hear something you have to say, you learn to take the hint.” Buck argued.
“Fine, I give.” Chim huffed in annoyance, but he wasn’t the one who deserved to be annoyed. “What did you learn today, Buck?”
“I LEARNED that LAFD cleared me to return to work three weeks ago. That the department has already submitted their clearance, along with my medical records, three. Weeks. Ago.” Buck enunciated, which was not easy to do while feeling the effects of the alcohol. He hated that his voice cracked.
“That can’t be right.” Hen said, sounding confused.
“Care to illuminate the rest of the group, Cap?” Buck asked nonchalantly.
“I didn’t want you getting hurt again, Buck.” Bobby said firmly. “You aren’t ready.”
“I’m not, or you’re not?” Buck laughed. “I set fucking records when I recertified. Yeah, I had an embolism, yeah, I’m on blood thinners, yeah, it’s an overall shit deal. But I survived a fucking tsunami. I have been trying to move on for months now, and no one is letting me. I can’t see Chris, because Eddie is too fucking worried about triggering bad memories from that damned day. I can’t see any of you because you all have your own fucking families that I’m not a part of when you aren’t at work. My girlfriend left me like a week after I was released from the hospital from the bombing. But don’t worry. I won’t be your problem anymore. Might as well take me out of this group thing.”
“Buck, we’re calling to talk about that, ok? Why are you requesting a transfer?” Bobby pressed, but Buck was so … done.
“Are you going to let me work? Go out on calls?” Buck waited while the line remained silent. “Didn’t think so. I am cleared, and I need to work or I’m gonna fucking lose the roof over my head. So yeah, I’m transferring. I hate it, probably more than you all, because I know I got on your nerves with how much I talked. But I’m not ending up homeless because of not being allowed to work because someone else is fucking scared. Hell, I’m scared. But I’m good at what I do. So if you all are done yelling at me, I’m gonna go and finish my pity party.”
“Why are you having a pity party?” Eddie’s voice finally asked, and Buck couldn’t help laughing again, even through the tears that leaked out.
“What’s today’s date?” Buck finally asked, listening for a while. “Anyone, what’s today?”
“Thursday?” Chim asked cautiously.
“September first?” Hen offered.
“What does the date have to do with anything?” Eddie asked, sounding annoyed, but Buck didn’t care.
“Not a thing.” Buck whispered, ending the call. He’d gotten lucky and found a small gift bag on his door handle when he got off work. Carla must have dropped it off for Chris, because Chris never forgot his birthday, even if he couldn’t come by himself. Chris, who liked to joke about his birthday being the day that Hogwarts started. Who had planned a whole-ass trip with him about what they could do for Buck’s birthday when Chris was older and they could convince Eddie to let them go to London and see all the Harry Potter sights.
“What?” Buck asked in annoyance when his phone rang again. “Have you not-”
“Happy birthday.” Bobby said, a tremor in his voice. Buck looked down and realized it was just Bobby calling, not the group. “I’m sorry, Buck. I had planned to have you over for dinner, Athena was cooking, and I was going to talk to you about everything then. I still want to talk, I do. But I’m not gonna make you do it today, not right now. Can I come by tomorrow and maybe take you out for breakfast?”
“Sure, Bobby.” Buck said quietly, clearing his throat a little. “I’d … I’d like that.”
“Ok, kid. We’ll talk tomorrow, so … so don’t get too carried away tonight, alright?”
“I won’t.” Buck sniffled. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Bye, Buck.” Bobby hung up and Buck just put his face in his hands.
Buck drank a little more, going more slowly. He didn’t want to get too trashed and be unable to enjoy breakfast with Bobby. Even if he was still a little pissed at him. He got a text from Athena saying she was sorry he wasn’t going to be coming to dinner but that she’d send the leftovers with Bobby in the morning. He frowned when he saw Eddie’s phone calling, not sure what he wanted now.
“Hello?” Buck answered tiredly. He’d moved to just laying on the floor of his bedroom while the music played more quietly.
“Did you get it?” Chris asked excitedly, and Buck couldn’t help smiling.
“I did.” Buck chuckled. “It’s really great, buddy. Thank you for remembering.”
“Of course I remembered.” Chris said, sounding like he was rolling his eyes. “Sorry I couldn’t be there.”
“It’s fine. How was school today?”
“It was alright. It’s still early in the year, so nothing too crazy.” Chris sighed. “I hate not being able to see you today.”
“I know, Superman, me too.” Buck sighed.
“Chris?” Buck rolled his eyes as he heard Eddie through the line. “What?” Chris asked testily, and Buck snorted, he was definitely nearing that fun preteen stage. “Who’re you on the phone with?” Eddie asked, sounding sternly parental. “I’m talking to Buck, dad. I had to make sure he got my birthday present.”
“Which I did.” Buck interjected, knowing Chris usually talked to him on speaker.
“Birthday present.” Eddie said flatly.
“Oh my god, dad!” Chris exclaimed angrily. “Don’t tell me you forgot Buck’s birthday?!”
“It’s ok, Christopher.” Buck said, trying to get his attention back, but it was a lost cause.
“I can’t believe you! What kind of person forgets their best friend’s birthday? I-” Buck snorted when he realized the phone hung up. Either Chris accidentally hung up in his irritation with his dad, or Eddie hung it up.
Either way, Buck groaned and got up to brush his teeth and crash so he could be somewhat rested when Bobby showed up. He felt a little bad at being so harsh with everyone, because that wasn’t his normal demeanor. But … he was doing good in therapy. Learning that he could accept apologies, without having to actually forgive the person who hurt him. He could accept their apology and walk away. Forgiveness wasn’t necessary. Which … was a whole-ass revelation that he was still working on. He could let himself move on whether he forgave someone or whether they apologized or not. Holding onto things only weighed him down. But he was learning to let go.
And that was going to be put to the test when Bobby showed up to pick him up for breakfast, passing over leftovers and a small present that was neatly wrapped. It was a picture of most of his shift from the 118 at Bobby’s house before the embolism messed the evening up. Instead of focusing on that, though, he just focused on Bobby. And he hoped the breakfast went alright and that they could still be close, even if they weren’t working together.
Only time would tell.