Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Atsushi listen…”

Whenever Atsushi heard these words, he knew very well he had messed up once again. It was a repeating pattern in his life.

“I like your work, I truly do, but you this…?” His boss slid the draft of his article over to him as if encouraging him to read it over once more rather than come up on his own what was wrong with it.

“What exactly is the problem, Sir?” Atsushi really struggled to find the problem with the article about how the new zoo was embezzling funds as well as endangering animals it was supposed to protect.

“You see these articles just aren’t exciting! The readers want to read about something nice, not about some rich man getting richer. I want mystique, I want drama, I want something exciting Atsushi. Not the boring reality.”

Atsushi looked at his boss who moved over to the window to look out to the grey streets. “Your writing is wonderful, just your topics my dear... They aren’t exactly what I want.”

Shibusawa didn’t turn to look at him and Atsushi knew he had disappointed once more. He had always wanted to work for the newspapers but ever since Shibusawa gave a young orphan a chance, which Atsushi was of course eternally grateful for, he has done nothing but let the man down.

“I understand.”

“Do you? This is the third time.”

Atsushi shuddered at the harshness of the words. As if the other had noticed he turned, and his gaze softened just a little upon seeing the jittery and stressed mess in the chair who began to curl into himself.

“Atsushi listen, I want you to succeed, I really do. Why don’t you go out today, wander the streets, and see if you find something more interesting than the banality of problems.”

Still nervous Atsushi nodded, grabbed his drafted article, and bowed before leaving the office.

He was a mess, knees jittery, shoulders slouching, hands coming to hide his shame-hidden face. He felt like the biggest disappointment one could be. Just why could he never do what was asked?

He quickly made his way over to his tiny desk, stuffed his belongings inside his messenger back, and then sprinted down the stairs of the Draconia office. The streets of the city were a bleak and lifeless grey as always, passersby shuffled on by through the streets, each one determined to make it to their destination.

Taking a deep breath Atsushi just joined the flow, while his mind raced like crazy. A story that would make Shibusawa happy, would make the readers interested, would get them hooked. Shibusawa had once said, after his second failed article, he should just follow his interests and write adjacent to those, but Atsushi barely even knew what he himself liked.

He liked the simple life. Eating some decent food, no matter if it's cheap, having a nice bed to come home to, and justice of course, which is why he had mainly written about the happenings in the city that deserved attention in Atsushis eyes, but Shibusawa never liked those. Saying they weren't that kind of paper establishment that relies on drama and crime to flourish but instead should provide comfort.

So, he now wandered the streets aimlessly. Violet and honey-colored eyes drifting everywhere. The shops of the streets with their pretty signs and windows all looked inviting. Should he become something like a restaurant reviewer? Tell the people where you can get the cheapest but best-tasting food? No, that'd be ridiculous.

He liked pretty much all food and no special knowledge in any high-class food, so he had no idea what to even say.

For a product reviewer, he had no references, and he was pretty sure Lucy would kill him if he infringed on her thing.

The march continued, as did the empty thought carousel in his mind. No idea sounded good, nothing would stick, and nothing came to his mind that would save his ass from getting fired if he delivered a subpar article one more time.

The grey clouds above the grey city only darkened and Atsushi cursed as he remembered his umbrella was at home, we would get soaked if it would rain. How wonderful. But he couldn’t focus on that, instead, he followed the slowly thinning herd of people further and further, to a point where he wasn’t sure anymore if he had ever been in these parts of town. There were a few shops here, he had never heard of, but it began to look more and more like the music district. Filled with clubs where the finest singers would perform for audiences in dimly lit rooms, cigar smoke filling the air, while the only lights were on the singers and their sparkly dresses on the stage.

As Atsushi further wanted to think about these clubs, he felt cold droplets hit his face, the downpour would start just a few seconds later. The streets emptied fast, people disappearing into homes, shops, or bars at the speed of sound until Atsushi felt almost alone on the street.

He frantically looked around and sought out shelter underneath the awnings adoring the streets the best he could as his legs carried him further. Atsushi considered to simply sit out the rain in a nearby club, but the bouncers kept turning him away.

“Not dressed like that, paper boy.”

“You're already soaking, we got a fine carpet, get lost.”

“Not with that attitude.”

Atsushi longed to scream, his life was a mess, nothing but a horrible misfortune after misfortune. He passed another club which seemed to have no bouncer.

According to the light-up sign above the door he was in front of the Black Lizard, another music club it seemed.

Well, anything is better than continuing to get soaked with rainwater, so Atsushi quickly stepped in and was welcomed by the music vibrating off the walls, a gentle dim light coming from behind red curtains, and the smoke of cigars and alcohol.

Putting his coat up on the rack, and with a tight grip on his bag strap, Atsushi entered through the curtain. The club was moderately filled; business-looking men gathered on round tables with long white cloth and candles on them. The bar only seated a man and no one else, so Atsushi beelined over, not wanting to take up a whole table just by himself.

The barkeeper, an older man with a beard and monocle shot him a look as Atsushi got seated on the stool but kept on polishing the glass he was holding.

“What can I get you Sir?” He asked and Atsushi's head snapped from the illuminated stage to the barkeeper.

“Oh eh… Just water please.” Atsushi hadn’t drank before, most had been a bourbon Shibusawa forced on him when he got employed and he wasn’t too fond of the taste back then.

The barkeeper raised an eyebrow but fulfilled his request regardless of course. The crystalline glass was quickly placed in front of him adorned with a lemon slice on the rim. Atsushi felt like that was already way to fancy for someone like him, someone who had nothing and would return to the earth as nothing with the way his life was going.

Quickly digging for his wallet Atsushi pulled out a few notes, wanting to hand them over, when the barkeeper put his hand up in a refusing manner.

“It’s a tab. You pay at the end of the night. And also, this one-” He motioned to the glass of water, “Is on the house. You seem down on your luck, so please, take it.”

Atsushi felt stunned at the kindness. “Oh I… Thank you very much Sir. I appreciate it.”

The man nodded and picked up a new glass to polish. “Don’t mention it, a good barkeeper knows his customers well. Now, enjoy the music.”

And that Atsushi did. His gaze wandered back to the stage where a young blonde woman was singing her heart out about a man not returning her love. She had a pretty voice and she looked pretty in the dark blue frilly Charleston dress and the cutesy headband with feathers.

Atsushi found himself enjoying the songs she sang. They were still upbeat despite the words she spoke about this mysterious man, her feet happily skipped along, and her dance got Atsushi moving his head too.

But before long she spoke into the mic, announcing her end: “Now, I'm sure you're already sick of me-” Atsushi could relate to her words of humorous self-deprecation, but couldn’t imagine anyone here could dislike the performance she put on, “So now our beloved Rashomon will take over. Please welcome him with a warm applause!” She said and stepped aside, hands clapping to welcome the newcomer entering through the curtains.

And through those red curtains stepped a man Atsushi could only describe as ethereal. Pale skin, sharp features, and steely eyes, that barely acknowledged anyone in this room as he stepped to the mic. He had a haughty aura, but Atsushi couldn’t help but be drawn to it, find it alluring almost and not annoying like he normally would. The man's gaze wandered over the room once, looking over the audience before he gave the band a sign and they began playing again, slower songs this time while the man simply nodded his head along, black hair with two longer white-tipped strands gently bobbing.

The woman who sang before him meanwhile made her way to the bar and seated herself next to Atsushi, asking for a cocktail, which the barkeeper quickly got to.

But Atsushi barely paid any mind to that. Instead, he was transfixed on the beautiful man on stage who gently began to sing the first notes.

“Old Man Sunshine, listen, you, Never tell me dreams come true, Just try it, and I′ll start a riot.”

Oh, dear God above, that voice. It had Atsushi weak at the first syllable. It sounded so sweet, rich like honey as he sang, drawing out the words in the most beautiful way.

“They′re writing songs of love, But Not For Me, A lucky star's above, But Not For Me.” He continued to sing so sweetly, fully unaware of the effect he had on the audience, drawing them into his performance with such ease it felt almost unfair.

A sigh escaped the woman next to Atsushi.

“Higuchi.” The barkeeper warned and she immediately locked eyes with him.

“What am I supposed to do? It’s not my fault his performance is this…magical!” She answered and Atsushi could easily tell she was very much into her fellow performer. 

Not like he cared, oh no no, anyone could find the young man on stage pretty. The black suit, the white under shirt, long black suit pants, it all fit perfectly up to the black fancy tie. A stunning man, truly.

Nervously Atsushi shook his head, he should not be thinking about this. And yet his eyes and mind were transfixed to the man who sang out his heart on stage.

“With love to lead the way, I found more clouds of grey, Than any Russian play could guarantee.” The voice was so soothing, gentle, hitting the notes in perfection, unwavering. In all his life that Atsushi had listened to music nothing has captured his heart quite like this.

He didn’t even overly perform, he simply stood there, hands on the microphone and sang.
“I was a fool to fall, and get that way, Hi ho! Alas! And also Lack a day!”

Atsushi simply enjoyed listening to the man. He got slowly lost in the voice, the music, the atmosphere. Like his mind was finally at ease, had found a home as strange as it sounded.

He only vaguely was aware of the Higuchi woman and the barkeeper’s conversation, who’s name apparently was Hirotsu, right beside him and the sensation of the water he took occasional sips off.

That’s how he spend his night, glued to the seat, eyes fixed on the black-haired beauty on stage, hand fiddling with his long empty glass.

Only when the barkeeper motioned for his glass back was Atsushi back in the present. With an awkward smile, he passed the glass over and the ethereal beauty on stage took a bow before slipping back behind the curtains.

Atsushi felt a tad disappointed almost. Unlike Higuchi who by now was giggling due the alcohol in her bloodstream, the man didn’t take seat at the bar.

“We will be closing soon. And he never partakes in the chatter post-performance.” The barkeeper said as he washed Atsushis glass, tossing the lemon into the trash. With a burning blush as he had been caught Atsushi quickly rose his hands as to defend himself from the truthful accusation; “I-I didn’t hope he would I… Forget I ever have been here. Thanks for everything though.”

And with quick steps he made his way across the room, gathered his jacket and with even faster steps he made his way home into his shoddy apartment. It was a singular room with a tiny kitchenette, a bed and a desk with his typewriter for work.

Luckily it had stopped raining when he left the club or else he surely would have been leaving puddles across the room as he went to put away his jacket and shoes.

Atsushi’s gaze briefly lingered on his kitchen before he shook his head. He wasn’t particularly hungry. He didn’t need anything, and it was already… His gaze wandered to the watch on his wrist, eleven pm. He absolutely wasn’t going to eat.

With a deep sigh he quickly pulled out his pajamas and changed into them while the day played in revue in his head. The singer was still on his mind… Rashomon as Higuchi had announced him, surely a stage name. And yet enticing, beautiful, thought provoking.

With his work bag just tossed lazily onto the ground he climbed into bed, hoping that sleep will catch him soon and he will stop thinking about the black and white clad man.

But minutes passed. Then some more. They turned into hours and when Atsushi cracked open an eye to check the time in the dim moonlight it was 2 am. And he hadn’t slept nor stopped thinking for a second.

The voice that sang so many beautiful songs was stuck in his mind. As was the owner of said voice. The music still vibrated in his bones, the words bounced around his head. And his fingers itched. He had words. So many words. And they needed out.

With a groan Atsushi flipped the covers off his body and put on the lamp on his desk. With another groan he set up his typewriter and stared at the paper for a second before his fingers moved on his own.

Clack Clack Clack

Word for word he went over his experience in the Black Lizards Club, describing Rashomon in grand detail and how his voice was a once in a lifetime experience. He felt silly almost for this all, how he was saying the barkeepers service was unrivaled all while the atmosphere made one feel at home and the sweet voices of the performers vibrated off the walls, leaving one yearning long after having left.

Only when he finally had the final line written did exhaustion flood his body. Happy with the words typed he finished the papers and put them aside and made his way back to bed.

“You look like shit.”

“Thanks Lucy.” Atsushi yawned and his coworker simply shot him an amused glance.

“Long night? Don’t tell me you went and drank yourself comatose because you got into trouble again.”

With a sigh, Atsushi set aside his sorting job and looked at Lucy annoyed.

“No. I just… I don’t know. This is all a mess. I need to have a good article soon or else he will fire me for sure.”

“Don’t know about that. I just think you might lose your writing job but I’m sure you will love the post office sorting job. Or he will let you do the errands we normally give to the kids! You already dress appropriately for it after all.” Lucy giggled and Atsushi looked down on himself. Yeah, he truly looked like a stereotypical news boy he supposes. Still, no excuse for his best friend to make fun of him.

“Stop pouting at me. You just gotta find something you’re passionate about and turn it into an article, that’s what I did and I’m living my best life, darling.”

Lucy sure was. Being invited to see and test the newest fashion and write reviews for any company asking for her sure was a nice job, Atsushi was envious almost. Though he mainly contributed that to his constant unsuccessful attempts at satisfying Shibusawa.

Nevertheless, he was here and staring at his typewriter. Coffee mug to the left, his papers he had written in manic frenzy last night on the right hidden away in a folder. Why he had even taken them, he was unsure, but it felt more embarrassing even to leave them at home. What if someone broke in and found them? Then what? With a sigh he refocused and typed the article down Shibusawa had asked of him, one about the most recent sports festival.

Yet his workflow was interrupted once more by an errand boy knocking on the door to the humble office.

“I could use some help with the packages for the office.” He announced with a nervous smile, but Atsushi was already up on his feet, ready to follow down to the streets to lend a quick helping hand.

Atsushi had always been like that, someone helpful, someone who didn’t shy away from helping people. It’s how he got this job after all. Shibusawa had been carrying important business papers around when he got in a scuffle and Atsushi, like the fool he was, had even run into the streets to catch the papers beginning to drift away with the wind.

When Shibusawa then insisted to somehow repay Atsushi and found out the young man aspired to be a writer of some sorts, he offered Atsushi the reporter spot in his paper Draconia without much hesitation. And Atsushi would be eternally grateful for that as no one else would hire a young man with no proper education and no job experience.

Atsushi shook his head as he carefully put the final crate down in the storage and bid goodbye to the delivery man.

With a faint smile he returned to the office and his desk, ready to finish this damn article but his face paled as he noticed something missing.

“Lucy?”

“Mhm?” Lazily she looked up from her typewriter and met Atsushi’s panicked expression.

“Where is the folder?”

With a sigh and an eyeroll she asked for clarification; “What folder?”

“The folder! The one I had here all this morning… I-”

Atsushi quickly got on his knees to look under the desk. But on the blue linoleum floor was nothing more than the dirty his shoes had carried into the office.

“Oh, the one from your desk? Shibusawa came in to collect your report and took it with him.”

A loud thud echoed through the office and silver hair was carded through as Atsushi peeked his head back up, face painted in clear horror.

“He took it?! I…Oh my God… I need to-”

With frantic movements Atsushi got up and with quick steps he made his way to Shibusawa’s office, barging in without knocking, something he will chastise himself for later.

“Shibusawa, Sir I-” The older man simply raised the hand he wasn’t holding the papers with and continued to read over the lines.

“Atsushi… Just the employee I wanted to see. Sit down.” The tone was hard to read to Atsushi had no idea if he would be finally fired or if he could still somehow talk his way out of this. Maybe promise to lick his shoes clean would save his job? No, that’s too degrading, even for him…

“I was going to see if you finished the sports festival article but instead, I found this…” Hands balled into fists that rested on Atsushi’s knees, with a head hung low he waited with bated breath.

“This is amazing! I knew you had it in you, kid.”

In the blink of an eye, Atsushi looked up only to see the whitehaired man smile genuinely at the words written before him.

“This performance… It seems to come to live through your words, your passion for this singer shines through and I’m invested.” Atsushi cocked his head in confusion, his face must display that as it earned him a chuckle from his boss.

“I love this article Atsushi, it’s what I have waited for by you. And I want to publish it. Tomorrow.”

Atsushi blinked, once, twice. Then when he slowly felt like he had regained control over his muscles, he pinched his thigh but no, he was awake, this was no dream.

“I…Thank you Mister Shibusawa Sir, I… I’m speechless.”

“I can tell, but you did well, finally.” Shibusawa sat down across from Atsushi, resting his head on his folded hands. “Are you ready to see your first article published?”

It was a celebratory day. With the first printed version of today’s Draconia in his bag, Atsushi entered the Black Lizard again. After all this establishment was the reason he was so successful, and he longed to hear that wonderful man sing again so he made a return.

Today it seemed fuller than last time, which Atsushi mainly attributed to coming earlier on a non-rainy day.

Like last time he took a seat at the bar again and his gaze flickered to the stage where the blonde woman was singing once more. Her soothing voice was gently singing about love and Atsushi watched her for a second before his attention was demanded by the barkeeper Hirotsu.

“I see you make a return to our humble establishment.” He said and Atsushi felt flattered to be recognized.

“Oh yeah, I… I guess the music simply charmed me.” He laughed nervously and Hirotsu closed his eyes and nodded.

“Does the fine Sir wish for a drink?”

Atsushi still felt ridiculous being addressed so formally. He truly felt like a nobody, who wasn’t worth at all of such a thing but who was he to tell him off.

“Do you have a…Card or something?” Atsushi asked and Hirotsu was quick in sliding him a fancy looking menu with a plethora of drinks listed. Most of the drinks Atsushi had never heard of. Fine cocktails, wine, some light snacks, cigars and very simple soft drinks.

Feeling overwhelmed Atsushi opted for the first beer that sounded vaguely familiar. If Hirotsu had noticed Atsushi being overwhelmed with the card, he didn’t say anything has he got Atsushi the golden drink.

“You asked to forget you have been here and yet you returned. May an old geezer know why?”

Of course he had to be called out on something, cursed be his luck.

“I guess I simply was a bit… out of it that day. It was nothing against this place, I promise.”

Hirotsu chuckled and grabbed a glass to wash it.

While he did so, Higuchi, the blonde performer finished her performance and stepped off the stage to briefly chat with patrons who welcomed her with warm applause. But just like last time she eventually made her way to the bar to ask for the same cocktail.

She and Hirotsu chatted, Atsushi vaguely listened, most names they threw around were entirely unfamiliar to him, but since he came alone and nothing else was keeping his wandering mind busy right now, he eavesdropped in on their conversation.

Yet that didn’t last long as the lights dimmed, welcoming the man that had Atsushi get sweaty palms. The black-haired, pale man with the alluring aura walked confidently on stage, gave the band a sign before doing a little announcement.

“Welcome to the Black Lizard, tonight you were already indulged in the voice of my colleague Higuchi…” He paused so the masses could applaud Higuchi again who briefly stood up and bowed to her audience, before all attention went back to him. Rashomon.

“And now it shall be my turn. Please enjoy.”

He felt a lot stiffer giving these announcements, but Atsushi found even his normal speaking voice pretty and alluring. He was unfairly pretty and beautiful, just how utterly unfair. This man must have hundreds of admires. For just a second Atsushi felt envy bubble up in him and he quickly shook his head, squashing the emotion like a bug under his boot.

Once Rashomon opened his mouth to draw out a long note, Atsushi felt captivated again. Just about everything drew him into the performance this man gave. The voice, the looks, the aura, everything.

Quickly Atsushi got out his notepad to scribble down thoughts he had. On the ambience, the crowed stunned in silence when Rashomon demanded their attention, Higuchi’s gentle performance that sets it all up, Hirotsu’s service and how kind he was and his attention to detail.

He wrote note for note until two tiny pages had been filled. From there he only took more notes when something in the performance shifted or if he had a good idea for an opener. He would make another great article. He was sure of it.

Time passed, and before long Rashomon disappeared behind the red curtains again out of sight. Closing time was coming and so Atsushi gladly let Hirotsu take the second empty beer glass of the night that he then paid for.

The goodbye was quick as were his steps when he returned home. This could be a nice routine.

Going to the Black Lizard and writing about this fabled place.

He finally felt like he belonged a little.

---

Akutagawa sat in front of the vanity he shared with his sister. Dark eyes stared back at him as he stared with a frown. Although he had no reason to be unhappy. His life was going well.

He had a secure job as a singer, something he felt passionate about, his sister was happy, their club was doing better than ever, with more and more people coming each day…

And yet he felt empty, only when he was on stage did the feeling subside, did it mellow out until it was bearable.

With a sigh he slouched forwards and wondered if he will ever feel like he belongs.

“Ryuu! I’m back!” His sister, blessed be her, called from the front door as she gently closed it.

In her arms she carried the groceries she went out to get, but she seemed excited about something.

“Did they have the figs?”

“Unfortunately, no, but I found something much better!” They said and placed the paper bags down in the kitchen before sauntering to her brother in the main living era.

“Have you ever heard of a paper named Draconia?” She asked and her brother scowled. What kind of question was that?

“Draconia?” Akutagawa sounded out and Gin nodded, their black hair swaying with the motion.

“Yes! It’s a paper mainly focused on entertainment and Tachihara told me to buy the latest one because…” She trailed off and flipped through the pages, dark eyes, similar to Akutagawas own scanning the pages before seemingly finding what she had looked for.

With a smile they placed it in front of the older one and Akutagawa followed the elegant finger to an article titled ‘Black Lizard’s secret star’.

Akutagawa scanned through the passage, catching his stage name a couple of times, so he quickly gripped onto the paper, bringing it closer and actually reading the article.

‘A must listen for every music enjoyer’,

‘Rashomon captivates and commands his audience’,

‘Although recently with his love songs he falls short’,

‘He doesn’t sound earnest when singing those’

He had enough. Reading these made him feel something that became hard to decipher. A mix between shame, panic, anger and something unexplainable.

“This isn’t even the first review by this guy, Tachihara said it’s like his fifth or something.” Gin said from the kitchen, unaware of the storm brewing in her brother.

She only noticed when the front door slammed shut and his trench coat was missing from the hanger.

They sighed in defeat. “Oh Ryuu…”

With angry steps Akutagawa made his way through the streets. Right hand balled into a fist, while his left was crunching the paper he had taken with him.

His dark long trench coat billowed behind him as he made his way through the passersby, only occasionally stopping to check the street signs that he was in fact taking the correct route.

He was, because soon the Draconia office appeared on his left and he was quick in taking the steps up to the offices. Oh, he will tear apart whoever dares to insult his capabilities like this! He could do everything. He didn’t need some asshole reporter reviewing him, throwing him pity by praising him and then insulting his talent all the while.

Up the stairs Akutagawa took a moment to regain his breath, but ignored the continuous burning of his lungs when he slammed the office door open with a scowl painted on his face.

In said office were only two people currently. A redhead woman and a white-haired guy. The guy’s eyes widened upon seeing Akutagawa and so he knew who he searched for.

“You!” Akutagawa started, finger pointed at the young man who seemingly tried shrinking into his chair.

“How fucking dare you!”

“Huh?” Oh, everything about this guy was irritating.

“How dare you come to our establishment, praise my oh so captivating voice and then say I lack the talent for ‘I don’t want to set the world on fire’!”

His chest heaved, thanks to the excessive powerwalk here and his screaming but Akutagawa was far from done. He towered over the guy who had dared to insult him and kept poking his chest as he continued his barrage.

“We do not need pity from you! We do not need some extra patrons just because you felt generous of reviewing us only to turn your nose up and directly insult me.”

The guy just blinked, oh how irritating he was, how Akutagawa wanted to do nothing more than punch his stupid face.

“Say something to your defense reporter scum.”

“Itsnotpity.” The other mumbled and Akutagawa angrily asked to speak clearer, clearly not up for this silly game. The guy cleared his throat before trying again.

“Its not pity. I came because I genuinely enjoyed your performance and not just yours but the whole club and I-”

“Enough.”

God had really decided to test him with this fool. He was barely even worth it.

“Refrain from reviewing me ever again, or else.” Akutagawa growled with the evilest glare he could muster and turned to leave. He still caught from the corner of his eye the redheaded woman smiling, but he paid no mind and left just as quickly as he had entered, content with his attempt of getting this man away. It should suffice. Should keep him away if he values his life.

Around half an hour later and with a much clearer head he returns to the shared apartment with his sibling who gave him a stern look as he hung up his coat.

“You went and had a talk with him huh?”

“Yes.”

“And judging that you slammed the door on the way out and how quickly you’re back I’d guess it was a typical ‘Ryuunosuke tries to get his way by being a prickly princess and screaming at people?’.”

Akutagawa hated how well Gin knew him. He supposes it was only natural that way, she was the only person in his life he trusted blindly, they had been together for as long as they could think, and she was a lot better at the emotional side of their siblingship than him.

It had always been like that. It was comforting.

“Ryuu…” She sighed, and Akutagawa hated how disappointed they sounded. “You can’t hackle every reporter who vaguely talks about you.”

“He insulted me Gin! I practiced ‘I don’t want to set the world on fire’ for weeks. Weeks. Only for this asshole to say my performance wasn’t genuine?”

Gin guided her brother into the main living era and had him sit down on the lounge chair.

“But he is right. It’s a love song. Love songs have never been your forte, Ryuu. ‘But not for me’ fits you so well because you actually feel what you sing. The same doesn’t apply when you try love songs. That’s why we give those to Higuchi.”

Akutagawa rolled his eyes and promptly earned himself a light smack to the back of the head.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, just because I’m right.” Gin mumbled sternly as they sat on the couch opposite.

“That guy genuinely liked your performance and he saw you for who you are beneath the persona and now you scared him off. You should start thinking before you act sometime.”

Akutagawa hated the pang in his chest, hated the way that his sister was disappointed in him and how it affected him. He cared little about other people’s opinions, but Gins was always the most important to him. After all she was the reason, he started singing and she had always been his biggest fan and supporter ever since they were little.

Trying to brush memories of a past he didn’t want to remember away, he did what he could do best, avoidance.

“What did we plan for dinner tonight?”

Gins look told him clearly, she wasn’t fooled by his sad attempt, but they let it slide regardless, for which Akutagawa silently thanked her.

“I was gonna make some meat with vegetables.”

---

True to the threats made against him, the silver haired man stayed away from the Black Lizard.

Akutagawa couldn’t spot him in the audience, and he actually made the effort to also ask Hirotsu about it, who confirmed that he hadn’t shown his face again.

He should be pleased about it, really. Revel in the fact the guy had half a brain to take his words serious, but Gin made a rebellious point of buying new publishing’s of the Draconia and reading the reviews out aloud while he was also present.

Oh, she was cruel, but not like he could hate her for it. She was his sister, someone he would forgive no matter what they did.

It didn’t mean it didn’t sting hearing this guy praise other singers, people Akutagawa considered far below his talent.

“He writes the performance in the House of Rats was disappointing. I wonder just who’s voice he compares everyone too.” Gin had teased one night while over dinner and Akutagawa felt like spitting out the rice he was chewing on.

“What does it matter to you Gin?”

She raised a hand to giggle softly behind it.

“Oh nothing. Nothing.”

Being siblings, Akutagawa knew Gins nothing means something, though he had trouble figuring out just what exactly they were getting at with his pesky newsboy.

Only like two weeks later did Akutagawa ponder more on it again.

It was when Hirotsu once again critiqued his rendition of ‘Dream a little dream of me’. Another love song that was then given to Higuchi. And while Akutagawa didn’t mind his colleague mastering the performance he was left to wonder, just why he couldn’t do it like that and how of all people that young newsboy called him out on it so easily.

Was he some kind of hidden music freak? Someone with a perfect hearing?

Akutagawa hated the way this boy now somehow made himself a home in his brain without him wanting to. Whenever doubt of his capabilities creeped into his person, his mind supplied him with the image of that silver haired guy.

With a grown he tossed and turned in his bed again, begging the universe to stop tormenting him.

But he wasn’t granted mercy, never has, never will. And unfortunately, slowly his mind could only think of one solution to his misery…

---

Atsushi was happy. Happier than normally.

His reviews of the cities small town music clubs were even more popular than anticipated and so it didn’t sting as much he couldn’t return to the Black Lizard.

Even if most performances he watched could never measure up to Rashomon, who’s voice was still ringing in his ears some lonely nights but he would stick to the warning he was given.

As of now, he wandered the streets near the club he was exiled from.

The signs with its blinding lights reflected beautifully in the puddles from the rain earlier and it felt strangely reminiscent of the night he first entered the Black Lizards which was originally just to seek shelter from a heavy rain after a horrible day of work. A night he had never been more thankful for but also cursed with the same breath as it lead to the exile.

Like automatism, his legs carried him across the street and near the club to stand there and stare at the sign that read ‘Black Lizard’ with a Lizard next to the lights spelling the name.

“Hey kid.” The voice was familiar despite only hearing it twice.

In the alley next to the club Atsushi spotted Hirotsu on a smoke break. “Oh, hello again I… I was about to leave anyways, sorry to trouble you.” Atsushi would never stop over apologizing. Lucy joked more than once she would write ‘Atsushi Nakajima – Sorry for dying’ on his tombstone.

“No need. You’re expected actually.”

Atsushi made a questioning sound as he stepped into the alley and walked to Hirotsu to gauge if this was a hallucination or some cruel joke.

“Expected? Me?” Atsushi pointed a finger at himself, cocking his head slightly as he withstood Hirotsu’s gaze.

The older man fixed his monocle and stepped out his cigar before answering; “Yes. Follow me please.”

A million questions and just as many horror scenarios raced through his head as he followed the older man through the backdoor back into the place he had been warned about to never return to.

The narrow corridor lead through a small kitchenette where Atsushi spotted a guy with ginger hair cooking something. Atsushi guessed it was probably one of the appetizers advertised in the clubs’ menus and paid no further mind.

He was further lead past the velvet divider on the other side of the room, the VIP area.

“I…Excuse me there surely must be a mistake I-” Hirotsu turned around to silence Atsushi effectively with a gaze and stepped aside to gesture to a séparée where Atsushi without any more words quickly took place. While he waited with the best view of the stage, he’s ever had with the slightly elevated position of the VIP area, he picked at the fine cloth the table is covered in, inspected the white leather seat cushions of the rounded bench and switched between watching Higuchi on stage and inspecting the flame of the candle in the middle of the round table.

He was so in trance watching the orange dancing flame that he was only snapped out of it when a glass filled with whiskey was put in front of him and another opposite to him.

Upon seeing who took the seat in his view Atsushi felt like panic throwing up, as it was none other than of course Rashomon. 

He was still dressed in a white button shirt with a black west and tie, his sleeves opened and rolled up as he sat down and exuded pure confidence.

“I- Im sorry, I know you told me to not return, and I didn’t but I-”

“Shut up.”

Atsushi did as told and squirmed under the harsh gaze the man fixed him with as he took a sip from his own glass of whiskey.

It was silent between them. Rashomon didn’t speak or talk on why he was here and asked to see Atsushi while the music continued to play. Atsushi himself wasn’t going to start rambling again, not wanting to be told to shut up once more and instead opted to watch Higuchi who danced with one of the sax player on stage.

“What’s your background in music?”

He had almost overheard the question, but his eyes quickly darted back to Rashomon who was looking at him with an unreadable expression.

“Background in music?” He asked and felt stupid the second the singer looked a little more annoyed.

“Did you go to a music school? Are you a performer yourself? Or how come you started reviewing this cities clubs and performances?”

Atsushi blinked a couple of times before he took a sip from his whiskey.

“I’m afraid there’s a misunderstanding.” He laughed as the bitter taste lasted on his tongue. “I have no expertise in music. None.”

Atsushi swore he could hear the next tirade of insults coming his way as he watched Rashomon’s expression go from shocked, to annoyed to enraged.

“None? Then how… why are you reviewing music and performance specifically?” Okay he wasn’t as angry as in the office, that was a good start, right? Atsushi prayed it was.

“It was a coincidence. I heard you sing here the first time I was here and when I got home, I wrote my first article that night in… I don’t know some weird manic frenzy and my boss liked it, so he asked to publish it. After that I wrote more about this place here and once you asked me to stop coming, I was invited to see other people perform.”

The singer leaned on the table, stared at Atsushi with those grey eyes and seemed to ponder on those words.

“So you have no expertise, no knowledge, nothing and yet… Yet you picked out my biggest problem at an instant.”

Atsushi searched in his brain what it was that he could have critiqued until he remembered his side comment about the singer sounding less sincere when singing romance songs.

“Oh that.”

“Yes, oh that.” Rashomon repeated annoyed and emptied his whiskey glass before placing it gently back down. His lanky fingers circled over the glass rim until he spoke up again, slashing through the settling silence.

“What’s your name.”

“Nakajima Atsushi.” Atsushi replied and watched as Rashomon nodded slowly, closing his eyes as he hesitated.

“Akutagawa Ryuunosuke.”

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Akutagawa.” Atsushi replied to the given name and Akutagawa looked at him again.

“If it’s a pleasure we will see…”

Applause erupted through the room as Higuchi finished her song and Akutagawa and Atsushi were quick to join in. But as it settled down and before Atsushi could bring up any new topic to keep the man talking, Akutagawa already got up, wordlessly.

Atsushi watched after him as he leisurely made his way to the stage to step on it and introduce himself. Enticed, Atsushi watched with bated breath, his heart hammering like crazy, and he felt happy to be indulged in Akutagawa’s voice again.

For just a moment, before Akutagawa started his song, Atsushi could swear they locked eyes across the room.

And it left him breathless.

---

From there on it became a slow routine.

To spend his day working, making sure he remained in Shibusawa’s good graces and if he didn’t feel to exhausted, he returned to the Black Lizard.

Hirotsu greeted him each time and bit by bit he learned of the other usual crowd. Higuchi said hello to him once when he took his usual seat at the bar one night he came in later and Akutagawa was already on stage performing.

Some nights Akutagawa would not return behind the curtain the second his performance was over. Sometimes we would take seat at the bar with one seat empty between them and drink a single drink in silence.

Even rarer, occasionally he would ask if Atsushi had seen any interesting other performances, which Atsushi would enthusiastically answer. It was always him talking about the most recent club he had visited before appealing to the divas ego by saying something along the lines of; “but your rendition of that song was miles better.”

Akutagawa tried hiding it, but Atsushi could spot the small smile Akutagawa would try to hide as he sipped his whiskey.

Atsushi figured him out with ease, even if they didn’t talk as much.

Though that would come to change one fateful evening.

It was a rainy one, as always and Atsushi cursed the damn permanent rain that lingered on this forsaken city as he put his umbrella in a holder by the door.

As per usual he entered the big room, enticed and relaxed by the atmosphere at an instant but when he locked eyes with Hirotsu at the bar he gestured with his head to the VIP area. Atsushi paused in his steps for a second before changing his route and moving around the tables filled with other patrons to enter the booth.

As expected, Akutagawa was seated there, just like when they first talked here. On the round table were two drinks placed. Akutagawa’s whiskey and an orange drink in a cocktail glass. It looked beautifully served, as expected of Hirotsu.

“What is that?” Atsushi asked as he took his seat, setting his bag next to him on the leather booth.

Akutagawa looked less dressed up today. He was still in a white button up shirt and a black west but no tie and his hair was a little messier than normally.

“It’s a sidecar. I figured it might be your taste. I have mainly seen you sip water or the cheap beer we have at the bar. Try it.”

Atsushi inspected it before taking a sip, letting the taste slowly settle on his tongue. Akutagawa meanwhile watched him as he moved his wrist, making the last bit of whiskey in his glass swirl.

“It’s lemon juice with Cognac and Cointreau, as well as some sugar. That’s what Hirotsu said at least, I’m not too well versed in his knowledge of drinks.”

Atsushi nodded while he came to the realization he liked the drink, happily taking another sip, before answering the man in front of him; “I like it. Thank you for ordering it for me. Aren’t you going to perform today?”

“It’s my evening off.”

Unsure why the sentence caught him so off guard, he cleared his throat looking to the stage where currently just the band was performing. It was a nice upbeat song that had people in the audience nodded along to.

“What occupies your weasel brain?”

Offended Atsushi returned his gaze to Akutagawa who looked so nonchalantly it had Atsushi furrow his brows.

“Firstly, I do not have a weasel brain, second, I was just wondering... If it’s your day off… Why are you here? Spending it with me.”

“Am I forbidden from doing so?” Akutagawa leaned back, draping one arm on the booth’s backrest. It was unfair how effortlessly confident he looked in everything he did while keeping such a neutral face. Atsushi was sure he could never look that cool.

“Of course not, I’m not your mother. I just wouldn’t... Consider us friends nor would I think that of all the people you know you would want to sit here and drink with me.”

Akutagawa raised a thin eyebrow. “Of all the people I know? What do you know of my private life?”

“Nothing, which is exactly what I mean but… I guess I would have guessed you’d rather have Higuchi here?”

An unfamiliar sound ringed in Atsushi’s ears and it took him embarrassingly long to understand it was Akutagawa’s laugh. It was short lived, and he stifled it quickly behind his hand, but he had heard it, and people close by did as well, looking over.

What a strange sight it must have been. The club’s diva and some random not important news reporter. That’s how Atsushi saw them at least. He was truly out of place, he was unsure how he even got into this whole thing but glad, nonetheless.

When Akutagawa was seemingly done making fun of him, he finally replied; “Higuchi is a coworker. I’d rather talk to the man who unintentionally made himself home in my thoughts.”

In a sense, it was a wonderful feeling to know Akutagawa thought of him, that he wasn’t as unaffected as Atsushi thought he’d be.

“Well… How about this…”

Enticed by Atsushi’s finger drawing a circle on the table in nervousness Akutagawa leaned on the table, as if they were about to share secrets. Maybe in a sense they were.

“We take turns asking questions about the other. Limited to one question per turn and its answered honestly. Sound like a deal?” Atsushi proposed with a playful tone and glimmer in his bicolored eyes. He hoped Akutagawa would agree because he too was dying to know so much more about the mysterious man.

Akutagawa’s grey eyes remained fixed on him as seemed to ponder on the proposition.

“Very well.” He finally said, “We shall do that then. Who will get to ask the first question?”

From his pockets Atsushi pulled a coin and presented it to Akutagawa.

“Let fate decide. Your choice?”

“Heads.” Akutagawa replied and Atsushi nodded at him before tossing it in the air.

The tiny piece of metal spun in the air, and it felt like a big moment when in reality in just a second Atsushi caught it to slap on his arm and present the result of the toss.

Tails.

Akutagawa closed his eyes and nodded, leaving Atsushi to scramble to pick out the first question.

“How old are you?” Maybe a boring question, not one worthy of this game, but Atsushi was going to start slow and work up more interesting ones bit by bit.

“I’m twenty-one. And you?”

Atsushi took a sip of his sidecar before replying; “I’m nineteen.”

Atsushi pondered for a moment before he thought of something more interesting; “For how long have you been singing?”

Akutagawa leaned back again, playing with the whiskey glass in his hand and his eyes were fixed on the ceiling of the séparée as he was in thought.

“I think… Almost a decade. My past is a blurry mess and years blend together, especially the ones of my youth.”

Absentmindedly Atsushi nodded, feeling the claws of dread also scratch at his heart. He could relate to Akutagawa’s words… More than the other might think.

“Is writing for that sorry excuse of a lifestyle magazine your dream job?”

Ouch, Akutagawa had a knack for hitting Atsushi dead center in his issues.

“I’m happy with my job but no, it’s not my dream job.” He said, brushing the longer strand of his hair behind his ear.

“Then what is?”

“Ah Ah!” Atsushi wagged a finger at Akutagawa who immediately cringed. ”One question per turn, you must wait. In turn… Do you have family?”

Akutagawa looked over the room but before Atsushi could turn to follow his gaze, he had already closed his eyes and nods.

“A sibling.”

In turn now Atsushi nods.

“Now, what is your dream job?”

“Promise to not laugh, okay? Its… I would like to write books. Children’s books specifically.” Atsushi murmured and if not for the stunted expression on Akutagawa’s face he might have guessed the other didn’t even hear. Akutagawa blinked a couple times, seemingly processing the words as if Atsushi had thrown something outlandish at him.

“Children’s books? Now how come?”

Atsushi ignored the self-imposed rules as he answered, “I grew up in an orphanage. And our library while limited was my favorite place. In there I could dream of a better life, and it was mostly thanks to all the books I read. I’m pretty sure I read every single book we had at least three times.”

Atsushi fiddled with his hands, something he often did when nervous. He wonders if that information changed anything about the way Akutagawa saw him. What did he see in the first place? When Atsushi looked at the singer he just seemed in thought, like he was thinking about something similar with a darkened expression on his face.

“I… Understand how it is to grow up without parents.”

The atmosphere changed and it hung heavy around them, almost suffocating. Atsushi wondered just how much Akutagawa could relate to his own sad movie worthy life. What else did they share? What else did that singer hide behind a carefully crafted stage persona that oozed confidence and kept people at bay with a mean face?

“So, it’s only been you and your sibling?” Atsushi asked in return and Akutagawa nodded his eyes scanning the room again. It was subtle but told Atsushi immediately that Akutagawa’s sibling was also in this club as both times when brought up the singer had surveyed the room.

Maybe in a different life he would have made a decent detective…

Unsure once more what to do with his hands he wanted to take another sip of his sidecar only to realize the glass didn’t hold any more of the golden liquid. Akutagawa too took notice and subtly tapped his pointer finger on the table.

They remained silent until surprisingly Hirotsu came to their table to serve the drinks they had once more and take Atsushi’s empty glass. He waited a second for Akutagawa to down the rest of his whiskey before leaving once more.

“How much do these cost by the way? I don’t have too much on me I-”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

Akutagawa cocked his head and seemed a little caught off guard that Atsushi even asked for the price.

“I invited you and therefore these go on me. Not like I pay much for them anyways…”

For a second the question of just how much money Akutagawa made as a performer flashed into his thoughts but he put the thought just as quickly away. He wasn’t interested in the hypothetical riches of the man.

“Do you have a favorite song to perform?”

A sly smile appeared on Akutagawa’s face as he calmly stated; “You just asked me a question remember? So it’s my turn to ask.”

Atsushi couldn’t help but stare with a mouth agape at the other. The audacity this man had.

“I asked for the price of my drink, that isn’t part of this game!”

“A question is a question Nakajima.”

“Excuse me? You keep asking questions when it’s not your turn and I was even so kind to answer two in a row, so you owe me one!”

Akutagawa chuckled as Atsushi stared him down with a fierce expression, determined to not let this slide.

“Well, it’s not my fault if you answered regardless.”

The whitehaired huffed and chugged a good bit of his drink, the alcohol in his veins bolstering his sassy side he normally didn’t display out of fear to anger people.

“You’re just lucky you’re pretty and I don’t wanna get kicked out for picking a fight so I’ll let it slide, asshole.”

Atsushi enjoyed the shocked face Akutagawa made before he realized what he had just blurted out and almost choked on his drink.

“Forget what I... What I said.” He choked out between coughs and hoped no one had heard this embarrassing slip of his mind. Currently he was unsure if his face burned from the alcohol or his embarrassment, or maybe it was a combination.

To his own peace of mind Akutagawa just ignored what had been said and fiddled just with his whiskey again.

No other question would be asked that evening. Instead, they just sat there in silence, the gentle music filling the room as did the chatter and clinking of glasses as they finished their drinks.

Not even when Atsushi left roughly half an hour later did, they exchange words. Just a nod in understanding was shared before Atsushi gathered his belongings and made his way home, the evening replaying in his mind each time his mind wasn’t occupied.

Atsushi didn’t see Akutagawa for a whole week after that.

He was unfortunately kept busy with work as Shibusawa had sent him and Lucy a state over to review an upcoming big time show there. While Lucy was gathering her information on the costume designs, set pieces and exclusive information from the actors, Atsushi was mainly interviewing the director and was given the special privilege of listening to some snippets of the music featured.

To his surprise the director was very friendly with him, sliding him more info he could ever ask for and without the effort of subtle manipulation, a skill Shibusawa had proudly taught him. And while the weekend was off, he felt drained when he finished writing and therefore didn’t feel like walking down to the Black Lizard club.

It was a Wednesday when he returned and was immediately greeted kindly by Hirotsu at the bar.

“I’m happy to see you return Nakajima, Sir.”

“Atsushi is just fine.” Atsushi replied, feeling strange with being addressed so highly by the barkeeper.

“Of course. You were missed in your absence.” Hirotsu stated and the corners of his mouth curled just a little into a lazy smile as he polished another glass.

This caught Atsushi’s attention and Hirotsu was kind enough to elaborate; “Akutagawa was looking for you.”

An unexplainable feeling settled into his body and spread from his chest. He couldn’t place at all what it was, was he glad? Was he nervous? Was he weirded out?

Shaking his head just a little to regain composure he was about to ask about the singer, when Hirotsu interrupted him to call out to a young man behind him.

“Gin? Would you let Akutagawa know his newsboy is here?”

The young man named Gin had longer black hair, tied neatly together in a ponytail with some strains left out. He also wore a mask similar to the ones Atsushi had seen a couple of times in the hospitals and alike. Gin just nodded before he disappeared into the backrooms of the clubs where Atsushi had been lead through when Hirotsu dragged him back in a few weeks prior.

“What drink would you like tonight, Atsushi? A sidecar again?”

“Surprise me.” Atsushi responded as he considered the question. “I wanna try something new.”

With a nod Hirotsu put aside the polished glass and began to look at his selection of different alcohol on the shelves. Atsushi remained there, wondering what the bottles would end up creating for him, only to then be tapped on the shoulder.

As he expected Akutagawa had come and stood there, still in his more dressed up look, so it wasn’t one of his days off.

“So, the reporter returns.” He said, a slight edge of snark and teasing in his voice as he looked at Atsushi.

“Indeed. It’s been a busy week.” Atsushi replies with a chuckle and watches as Akutagawa signals something to Hirotsu only to then follow the singer to the VIP area again.

Like a routine they sat like always and soon Gin bought them their drinks and left without another word.

“I have noticed you were busy. After all filling half the paper with a lengthy detailed review of the play you visited surely mustn’t have been an easy task for a fool like you who accidentally stumbled into this world.”

“Maybe I should have stayed home if all you do is insult me about my work when I come here.”

“Try it. You wouldn’t last.” Akutagawa stated with such confidence as he leaned on the table, glass in one hand and a sly smile painted on his lips. He looked stunning and Atsushi felt grateful for getting to witness it.

Atsushi laughed in response to the statement. Akutagawa was right, of course he was.

“Will you now answer my question from last week?” Atsushi asked and took a sip of the glass he was presented with tonight. It was a pinkish drink this time around. It tasted rather different to the one from last time. It was refreshing with the bitter taste of a different type of alcohol this time.

“It’s a Bay Breeze.” Akutagawa pointed at the glass Atsushi held. “It’s made with vodka, cranberry juice and Grape juice I believe…”

Atsushi smiled, thankful for the little excurse in the world of alcohol and yet Akutagawa was avoiding the question again, that asshole.

“Will you?” Atsushi tried again and finally got a sigh out of the singer, signaling he won.

“Fine you fool. My favorite song is the one you heard me sing and wrote your first review about.”

Atsushi remembers it so well still. After it was the first time, he had heard Akutagawa sing and it often replayed in his mind.

“My my. You’re really not cut out for the love motive huh?”

“Why would I be?” Akutagawa huffed, leaning back, arms crossed. “Love is a fool’s game. One I pride myself in not participating in.”

“Wait.” Atsushi held up his hand and blinked at the huffing singer across from him. “You have never been in a relationship? Never been in love?”

“Don’t tell me you have been…” Atsushi was unsure why Akutagawa mustered him so oddly with his eyes and just why he could decipher what the other was thinking as he did but answered honestly regardless.

“Of course I have. But it didn’t work out. We loved each other but it just didn’t stick. We are still very good friends though.”

In his mind images from his time with Lucy flashed before his eyes. It wasn’t long but it was still a nice time, to feel loved and appreciated. Neither felt angry when they mutually broke it off.

“Tell me more.” Akutagawa demanded and Atsushi obliged.

“My coworker Lucy and I have met after I moved orphanage. It was just a teenage romance, and while it was nice while it lasted, we both knew at one point we weren’t made forever. She realized she isn’t that much into… men…”

Akutagawa’s blank face made Atsushi squirm in his seat, as he hated being unable to get a grasp on what the other was thinking.

“Then why date at all? Why subject yourself to these stupid feelings? Subject yourself to the unavoidable heartbreak because no relationships that aren’t family are made forever. Friendships are fickle, romantic relationships even more so… What is the point?”

Atsushi pondered the question, the flicker of candlelight casting shadows on his face as he tried to find the right words. He could see Akutagawa's guarded eyes, the tension in his posture, and felt a pang of sympathy.

"Maybe you're right," Atsushi began slowly, "maybe most relationships aren't made to last forever. But it's not just about the end. It's about the experiences, the moments of happiness, the feeling of being understood and accepted, even if only for a little while."

Akutagawa scoffed, but there was a hint of curiosity in his eyes. "So, you think it's worth it? Even knowing it will end in pain?"

Atsushi nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. "Yes, I do. Because those moments of connection, of truly being seen by someone else, they're rare and precious. They make life richer, more meaningful."

For a moment, Akutagawa looked as if he might argue, but then his expression softened, just a fraction. "I suppose," he muttered, almost to himself, "I've never thought about it that way."

Atsushi leaned forward, his eyes earnest. "Akutagawa, have you ever allowed yourself to be close to someone? Really close?"

There was a long silence. Akutagawa's gaze drifted to the flickering flames, his mind clearly turning over old memories, old wounds. "No," he finally admitted, his voice barely a whisper. "I've always kept my distance. It's...safer that way."

"Safer, maybe," Atsushi agreed, "but also lonelier."

Akutagawa's eyes snapped back to Atsushi's, a flash of something vulnerable and raw in them. "And what if I don't know how to be anything but alone?"

Atsushi's heart ached for him, and in that moment, he wished he could bridge the gap between them, ease the singer's fears. "It's not something you have to figure out all at once," he said gently. "It starts with small steps, with letting someone in, even just a little bit. You'd be surprised how much warmth it can bring."

Akutagawa's gaze softened, the hard edges of his demeanor melting ever so slightly. "And what about you, Atsushi? What do you get out of all this... openness?"

Atsushi chuckled softly, a sound that seemed to lighten the room. "I get to feel alive. I get to experience the full spectrum of what it means to be human. The joy, the sorrow, the love, and even the heartbreak. It's all part of the journey."

“Maybe if you allow yourself to love too you can then finally perform all those songs you say you aren’t made for…”

Akutagawa just sat there, his gaze fixed on the candle on the table, its flame dancing around as if mocking him almost.

“Maybe.”

Both took a sip from their respective drinks and when Atsushi looked at the singer again, he saw the pale face with some faint blush on his cheeks.

“How do I know when I like someone… romantically…”

Atsushi restrained himself from laughing aloud, even if it was hard. It wasn’t that he wanted to mock Akutagawa but the irony of Akutagawa asking this question Atsushi himself had uttered years ago… They were so alike. 

“You just will.”

Akutagawa stared at him as if he had grown two heads, but Atsushi paid it no mind as he finished his drink. He had said his piece and truth be told, he was sure he was not qualified for this type of advice considering his last relationship was his only one and also didn’t persist all that long.

“Your advice is horrible. Good thing you are content with not voicing it in your articles.”

“You would still read them, even if I did.”

Considering how Akutagawa immediately responded to the retort by quickly drinking his whiskey while letting his gaze wander across the other patrons told Atsushi he had won that round. He had grown to sass Akutagawa back if the other came for him. It was a game the silver haired had found great pleasure in.

“Consider yourself lucky I have to work otherwise this would not be over.” Akutagawa finally sighed and finished the drink before getting up and adjusting his clothes. The sleeves were adjusted, he dusted off his chest and checked his watch as if he didn’t already look marvelous and flawless.

With a nod to Atsushi, he started to make his way to the stage and Atsushi sank into the cushions of the booth to enjoy another beautiful performance by the man who had somehow mad himself a home in his mind with ease.

These meetings continued. Each time Atsushi would get introduced to a new drink that Hirotsu mixed up for him with practiced ease and bit by bit the club felt like a home.

So much so even that when Atsushi was awarded an unofficial price by Shibusawa for his beloved reviews of the musical scene the Black Lizards had come to celebrate him without him asking.

He only discovered them when his office floor, filled to the brim with admires of his work and Shibusawa’s business friends he spotted the troupe amongst the crowd.

It was also that day he discovered that Gin was actually a girl and Akutagawa’s sister as well, as she came dressed in a stunning black and white fashion dress that Lucy immediately asked her where she got it.

It was a pleasant evening, one filled with chatter and way too many words of praise for his articles by the second family he had only realized he had found in a music club.

When he was getting to know Tachihara, the clubs part time cook and also semi bouncer, with their conversation about how to best throw people out was interrupted by Akutagawa sliding him a letter.

“Read it later. Gin and I will now take our leave. Enjoy the evening, Nakajima.” He whispered in Atsushi’s ear, a hand resting briefly on his shoulder as he leaned in and just as quickly as it appeared he was also gone again, and Atsushi could only helplessly watch him and Gin leave the party while goosebumps spread all across his skin.

“You really did a number on him.” Tachihara commented as he watched the siblings leave and Atsushi had to shake his head before he found his ability to speak again.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

The redhead chuckled as he lightly punched Atsushi’s arm.

“He changed his selection of songs recently and you’re the only person he talks to semi friendly. I have known him for years at this point and he still doesn’t use my name. Though that might be for different reasons I suppose-”

Atsushi involuntarily stopped listening as his mind drifted back to the black-haired. His heartbeat quite fast while the letter on the inside of his jacket felt like it was burning through his clothes and he itched to read it. But he would restrain.

Only later that night when he finally stepped back into his own apartment did he sit down on his bed to open the letter and read its content.

“Nakajima.

In celebration of your recent success and recognition of that I would like to formally invite you to dinner at my residence. I hope this Saturday at eight is doable for you, if not please let me know so I won’t waste the food at least. I expect you to dress up at least a little. Please do not come dressed like a paper boy.

Congratulations on your success, again.

 R. Akutagawa”

Atsushi rolled his eyes at the formalities, but he supposes this was Akutagawa after all, so it did fit him. Still, knowing Akutagawa wanted to meet with him for dinner over his success made him feel giddy and lightheaded. It felt honoring to be recognized by the man who had played a part in getting him into this position in the first place.

Saturday couldn’t come fast enough.

And it didn’t. The few days leading up to it were a drag as Atsushi got buried in work while also being struck with a bunch of bad news. Like his apartment complex getting hit with a rat infestation which robbed him of the last few nerves he was operating on.

To his luck Lucy allowed him to stay at her place on Friday so he could at least still properly shower, get dressed and make himself presentable for his dinner with Akutagawa.

He sat at Lucys vanity while she was busy making his hair look ‘presentable’ as she had said, which apparently included braiding his longer hair strand and pinning it up with some hair pins. But he did have to admit it looked very pretty and so did the suit Lucy picked out.

A brown dress shirt with a suit west over it, a leather bolero and suit pants. He looked stunning if he did say so himself, which wasn’t something he’d say easily.

“I’d say I can’t fix you up more than this. I did the best with what I was given.” Lucy lamented over dramatically as she put down the left-over hair pins and sighed deeply. Atsushi knew of course she was just messing with him and fishing for compliments.

“Oh, you did an amazing job, this world regrets that you don’t have your own fashion business yet.”

Lucy blushed almost as red as her hair form the compliment and stuttered a halfhearted insult; “It doesn’t you idiot. Also now go, from what I gathered he probably isn’t above cutting you up if you show up late and I have plans for the night.” Lucy shooed him away from the vanity to take the seat for herself and getting to work. Atsushi gathered his bag and chuckled, she did have a good read on Akutagawa.

“He really isn’t. Uh, if you go out how will we handle the key thing, will you leave one outside for me or…?”

Atsushi blinked in surprise when Lucy turned to him with a flabbergasted expression.

“You… Plan on coming back? Oh my God, Sushi. I don’t think you will come back and if you do manage to mess this up then please have that realization back in your rat invested apartment and cry to those.”

Atsushi remained in place, staring at Lucy trying to piece together what she was getting it, but before such realization could come, Lucy had enough of him already and began shoving him out of the door.

“Bye bye, have fun, if I’m wrong, you’re of course welcomed back, but I’m never wrong, so please just go, I’ll see you Sunday evening.”

The door was quickly shut so Atsushi just nodded to himself before starting his walk towards the address that was included in the letter he was given.

While in a better area than Atsushi’s apartment Akutagawa didn’t live too far away in a not so bad area. Once again he briefly wondered how much money Akutagawa earned with his voice but it didn’t matter all that much to Atsushi.

With nervousness flooding his system he entered the apartment complex and was greeted by the more up class art-deco style of the lobby. Entering an elevator, he couldn’t help but be amazed. His own home only had stairs. He pressed waited patiently as he rose higher until he arrives at the correct floor and only needed to look for the apartment number he of course had engraved in his brain.

Apartment 21B, and it wasn’t that hard to find since the numbers were on the doors and stood out thanks to their golden look.

Nervously Atsushi knocked and waited, balancing from his heels to the tip of his toes and fiddling with his hands as he waited and listened for noises from the apartment. Faintly he heard some cursing, some cluttering and then steps approaching the door.

He was greeted with a stunning sight. Akutagawa, still a bit messy from obviously working the kitchen, apron still on and a slight frown that changed to a surprised face once he regsistered it was Atsushi who stared at him.

“You’re awfully early.” Akutagawa stated and Atsushi shook his head.

“I’m actually punctual for once. It just seems you lost track of time.”

Akutagawa turned his wrist to look at his watch and it was indeed 8 sharp. With a sigh he stepped aside and let Atsushi in before quickly making his way back in the kitchen.

“I apologize for the mess and not being ready on time. Tachihara insisted this would be doable in the timeframe I gave him, but it seems his estimate was for a more experienced cook.” Akutagawa mumbled as Atsushi followed after him.

Of course he inspected the apartment on his way. It was obvious the Akutagawa siblings lived together, be it the multiple pair of shoes and jackets by the entrance or the pictures of them hung at the wall. Atsushi only had briefly time to look at them but the few he saw were mainly of Gin.

“Go take a seat in the living room already, I’ll be there shortly.”

Atsushi nodded and left Akutagawa to go back to cursing at something while he could now investigate the living room for more info about the man that owned it.

Of course, it held more pictures that Atsushi had to take a look at. His eye was caught by one that showed a younger pair of siblings with Hirotsu standing behind them. Gin wore a pretty white dress while Akutagawa wore a suit.

The other few pictures were once more Gin focused but Akutagawa was still in some of them. It detailed a slow story of the Black Lizard club very subtly and it had Atsushi smile.

His attention was caught when Akutagawa entered the room to serve two plates to the set dinner table.

Sitting down already Atsushi looked at the serving of steak, vegetables and duchess potatoes and his mouth watered but he waited patiently for his friend to return. When he did, he did without the apron and smudges of food on his face.

As per usual Akutagawa was dressed in a dress shirt and suit pants, looking effortlessly stylish as always. He brought a bottle of wine to the table, filling their glasses before also finally taking a seat.

“Now, thank you for coming, Nakajima.”

“Thank you for the invite and well… this delicious looking food.” Atsushi replied and his eyes dropped from Akutagawa to the mouthwatering food before forcefully looking up at Akutagawa again.

“I hope it’s to your liking. I… I gave it my best.” He smiled and gestured for them to start eating.

The first bite Atsushi took had him almost pass out. He couldn’t remember the last time he had something this good. Or if he ever even did. The meat was well seasoned and cooked to perfection, the duchess potatoes were soft and delicious and together with the vegetables it was simply heavenly.

“Oh my God, Akutagawa this is… This is so good.” He spoke with a mouth half full, and Akutagawa chuckled despite obviously not liking Atsushi devouring the fine dining like a starving animal.

“I can see you like it. Just make sure to eat whatever is left on your face.”

Being made aware of his bad manners, Atsushi cleared his throat and made an effort to seem more dignified, even if he still cleared his plate much, much, faster than the man who had invited him.

“I like what you did with your hair. It looks… pretty.” Akutagawa complimented him and subconsciously Atsushi moved his hand to touch the braided part.

“Oh, thank you… Lucy did it. I’m glad you like it.”

The black-haired smiled and they continued their dinner silently.

“So, you invited me to this really nice dinner just to congratulate me on an insignificant price Shibusawa made up?” Atsushi finally questioned as he watched Akutagawa finish his plate. He patiently waited for an answer that Akutagawa eventually gave him.

“That is not the sole reason…”

Instead of immediately inquiring more information he waited. Akutagawa would surely soon indulge him in his knowledge for information.

“Do you remember when I asked how I would know if I liked someone romantically?” Akutagawa asked as he got up and made his way to a gramophone and put the needle on the record.

“Of course.” Atsushi gave his answer, and he felt his heart beat like he had just ran a marathon.

“Well Gin always says I best express myself while singing, so I hope you will understand…”

With bated breath Atsushi watched as Akutagawa steeled himself and opened his mouth to begin the song; “"Romance is a game for fools" I used to say A game I thought I'd never play "Romance is a game for fools" I said and grinned”

No matter how many times Atsushi had listened to Akutagawa’s performances he still got goosebumps each time he got to hear him sing. It enticed him, hypnotized him, drew him in like nothing else.

“Then you passed by” Akutagawa turned his head and fixed Atsushi in his seat who suddenly felt squeamish and breathless.

“And here am I Throwing caution to the wind” With quick steps Akutagawa crossed the room back to Atsushi and offered him his hand in an invitation to dance. Atsushi blinked once, then twice, before taking the pale hand and letting Akutagawa lead as he continued the song.

“Fools rush in where angels fear to tread And so I come to you, my love, my heart above my head. Though I see the danger there If there's a chance for me, then I don't care”

In those grey eyes that lingered on him Atsushi could clearly see Akutagawa meant everything he sang, and he was unsure if he was currently able to form a single thought that made any sense.

His own hands, one held by Akutagawa, the other on the black-haired shoulder felt sweaty just considering what Akutagawa was confessing here to. The hand placed on his waist squeezed Atsushi briefly before the younger one was spun gently.

“Fools rush in where wise men never go But wise men never fall in love, so how are they to know?”

As Atsushi finished twirling, he came chest to chest with Akutagawa who held him close, hand placed firmly between Atsushi’s shoulders as he sang; “When we met, I felt my life begin So open up your heart and let this fool rush in”

As the piano in the background continued from the gramophone, Atsushi surged and gave Akutagawa his answer by moving his hand from Akutagawa’s shoulder up to his jaw, cupping it, before closing the distance between them.

The kiss was gentle, sweet and slow, oh so slow. A trial of sorts, a test to see if they were indeed on the same page on this.

And when Atsushi withdrew after only a few seconds he looked at Akutagawa, hoping he truly didn’t misread this. And of course he didn’t. He knew for sure when Akutagawa kissed him again.

And again.

And again.

It became addicting to feel the others lips, like a drug neither couldn’t get enough off.

Their lips moved in a rhythm of newfound harmony, a silent conversation where words failed to capture the depth of their emotions. Akutagawa’s hands, once so tentative, now held Atsushi with a confident tenderness that spoke volumes. The singer's fingers brushed against Atsushi’s neck, eliciting a shiver that ran down his spine, while Atsushi's hands roamed gently over Akutagawa’s back, feeling the warmth beneath the fabric of his shirt.

As the music from the gramophone filled the room, their kisses grew bolder, exploring the uncharted territory of each other’s desires. It was as if the melody guided them, their hearts beating in time with the piano's notes. The song had long ended, but its essence lingered, wrapping around them like a tender embrace.

Finally, they pulled away, their foreheads resting against each other, breaths mingling in the intimate space between them. Atsushi’s eyes fluttered open, meeting Akutagawa’s intense gaze. There was a vulnerability there, a silent question hanging in the air.

"Akutagawa," Atsushi whispered, his voice trembling with the weight of his emotions. “I…We…”

“Don’t talk. Let us just enjoy this.” Akutagawa sighed  and squeezed the reporter tightly.

Atsushi nodded in response and even without a song, they continued their slow dance. Continued to bask in each other’s presence, stole more kisses and pretended the outside world doesn’t exist.

More wine was consumed, Atsushi stole a few more leftover duchess potatoes and eventually after they talked like they usually did at these later hours in the Black Lizard, they shared a bed.

It was a strange feeling for Atsushi to wake up in a strange bed, with a warm presence behind him that hugged him close. But his brain quickly made him remember the last evening and so he just laid there, caressing the arm that was loosely wrapped around his waist whilst watching the sun rise higher outside. Oh, how lucky he truly was, he had trouble grasping it just yet.

He had kissed the best performer on this whole world, got a private show which was used to serenade him… Oh he felt so blessed.

When the presence behind him began to stir Atsushi couldn’t help but smile and yet anxiety settled into his stomach, because of course he had to think about the possibility of Akutagawa suddenly calling this all a mistake and not wanting this…him anymore.

But as gentle kisses were pressed against his back, bit by bit those feelings washed away. And he felt silly for even having thought this.

“Good morning.” Atsushi murmured as he turned on his back. Akutagawa grumbled as he placed his head on Atsushi’s chest. Without even thinking about it, Atsushi began threading his finger into Akutagawa’s black hair, caressing him gently as he let the singer slowly wake up.

Minutes passed in silence as they continued this, as if it was all routine already.

“Morning, Atsushi.”

The hand threading through black hair halted and Akutagawa turned to look at the stunned Atsushi.

“You never called me by my first name.” Atsushi voiced out slowly and it earned him a grin by Akutagawa.

“Theres a first for everything I suppose. Well, now it’s only fair if you call me by mine too.” He smiled and pushed himself up to press a gentle kiss to Atsushi’s lips.

“Okay Ryuu.” Atsushi agreed once Akutagawa withdrew, and he hesitated for a second before smiling gently and chuckling.

“It feels weird hearing you say that.” He lamented as he settled back on Atsushi’s chest and got comfortable once more. “But I like it. Like I like you, Atsushi.”

“I like you too, Ryuu.”

Their relationship came as a surprise to no one apparently… Much to the surprise of Atsushi.

The Black Lizards were all saying something along the lines of “finally, congrats!”    “You guys are so adorable.”     “About time.”

And Lucy was much the same, complementing Atsushi for not fucking it up. For which she earned a halfhearted glare across their desks but then again, they were never really mad at each other, especially not when that same night Atsushi invited her out to the Black Lizard to see his lover, which still felt like a surreal term to use for Akutagawa, perform a song.

Lucy seemingly also grew to like Akutagawa’s performances considering Atsushi spotted her coming in a few times after that.

It was a slow Sunday evening when Lucy and Atsushi sat in the VIP booth while Akutagawa was on stage performing a song obviously dedicated to the silver haired.

“Blue moon, you saw me standing alone, Without a dream in my heart, Without a love of my own”

“Sushi, so you know how I have been seeing someone recently?” Lucy spoke up softly and Atsushi teared his gaze away from the black-haired singer on stage to full divide his attention to his friend.

“Yes of course… Ehh Louisa was her name, right?”

Lucy nodded, her finger tapping on her cocktail glass.

“So, Louisa works for a guy, she’s like his right hand you know. And that guy is Francis Fitzgerald.” Lucy elaborated, and Atsushi urged her to continue not really catching on where his friend was trying to go with this.

“Blue moon, you knew just what I was there for. You heard me saying a prayer for, Someone I really could care for.”

“Well Fitzgerald is the owner of a publishing company and currently is looking to expand into the children’s book section. And I mentioned to her that you’d love to write one… And well… She would like to see what you can do.”

Atsushi choked on his drink, almost spitting it out while hammering on his chest. Without a moment’s hesitation Lucy moved to also pat on his back and help him regain his breath. Her wrist eventually was caught by Atsushi who stared at her like she had grown two heads.

“You did what? Lucy I-… I’m not… Lucy!”

The redhead cocked her head and sat down next to him, eyebrows furrowed. “Sushi this has been your dream ever since I met you. I know you have the capability to make a wonderful book and you finally have the opportunity to make your dream real.”

Lacking the words to refute Atsushi resorted to unintelligent noises and wild hand gestures. To his demise this was still Lucy he was talking to, his friend of many years who would still understand his gibberish.

“You are capable of it. You just need your finished manuscript, give that one to Louisa and then we will see. Take a chance you idiot. It worked out last time, didn’t it?” She humored and gestured to Akutagawa on stage singing his heart out.

“ And then there suddenly appeared before me, the only one my arms will hold, I heard somebody whisper, "Please adore me", And when I looked, the moon had turned to gold.”

“Okay what’s the matter with you, you’re never so antsy normally while writing.” Akutagawa asked as he leaned on the desk Atsushi had set up his typewriter on. He had half moved in into Akutagawa’s apartment at this point, so it was fairly normal for Atsushi to write while Akutagawa practiced singing.

The silver haired responded by letting his head bang on the table, hands clawing at his head.

“I’m…I’m working on something.”

“I can see that you fool. What is it? Don’t tell me you found someone better than me and now wanna review him while I sing for you.” Akutagawa humored and sat down on the corner of the desk, his hand coming to soothingly pet his lover.

“Of course not. Theres no one better than you, you know that.” Atsushi’s voice came out muffled as he still refused to lift his head off the table. “Lucy just… She knows someone who wants to see the manuscript for my kids book but this... this isn’t good enough. I’m not made for this.”

Akutagawa’s eyes stared at Atsushi, then his typewriter, then back to Atsushi and then the typewriter again. Quickly he ripped the paper out of the machine, getting up because he knew Atsushi would fight him on this.

And as expected Atsushi sprung up from his chair, it fell to the floor with a loud thud, as he tried fighting Akutagawa to give the page back.

“Ryuu, I swear to God, give it back!”

But his attempts were futile as Akutagawa kept him at distance with one arm while skimming the stolen page for its content.

Even just from the little excerpt it was clear Atsushi was writing about him, hiding Akutagawa behind a beautiful black feathered mockingbird. While Atsushi took the form of a white tiger.

It was cute, well written too so he was too stunned to see himself be described so kindly and lovingly and to be the topic Atsushi writes about and the younger one managed to snatch his page back.

“You dick, you weren’t supposed to read this!” He growled, hiding the page behind himself but losing all urge to argue when he saw Akutagawa’s stunned face.

“Ryuu?”

“You’re writing about us.”

“Well yeah. It gave me great motivation. And it was a story I could easily envision.” Atsushi mumbled, his face heating up, because he was embarrassed Akutagawa had seen that. Had seen his silly attempt at a cheesy children’s book.

“That’s… I feel really honored, Atsushi. And it’s amazing. Really it is.”

Awkwardly Atsushi walked back to his desk and pretended his heart didn’t beat like crazy from those sweet words. Thin pale arms immediately came to hug him while Akutagawa rested his head on Atsushi’s shoulder and hummed.

“It’s going to be great. You’re overthinking this way too much as always.”

“But what if they don’t want me? Don’t want the best I can deliver?” Atsushi sighed, his eyes fixed on his typewriter. A soft kiss was pressed against his temple and Akutagawa continued to dote on him by brushing his hair behind his ear.

“If they don’t want this, then they are obviously illiterate idiots who are undeserving of your talent. Similarly to Shibusawa but I digress.”

“Hey, Ryuu, I thought I told you what I think about badmouthing my boss?”

“You did, but I also remember you calling him a cultureless lobotomite after he turned down your article about the car manufacturer covering his tracks from tax evasion.”

“To be fair though, you insisted on me trying three new drinks that night you ass. I was clearly drunk!”

Akutagawa shrugged, a smile on his lips.

“Let’s not dwell on the pass, at least the unimportant one… Let us dance Atsushi. Indulge me.”

The gentle tone in which Akutagawa asked made it impossible for Atsushi to decline so he followed Akutagawa’s plea, placing the gramophone needle at the start of the record again before starting to dance softly and slowly with Akutagawa.

Atsushi rested his head on the others shoulder, eyes closed as he simply let the other guide him to the rhythm and sang the song Atsushi loved to hear the most.

“And then there suddenly appeared before me, The only one my arms will ever hold.” To underline his point Akutagawa squished Atsushi tight before continuing; “I heard somebody whisper, "Please adore me", And when I looked, the moon had turned to gold.”

It was soothing, Akutagawa managed to put him at ease with so little effort it was almost a little scary at times and yet Atsushi would never have it any different.

“Please promise me you will turn in your manuscript, Atsushi.”

Atsushi could hear Akutagawa’s heartbeat despite the music and nodded lazily.

“Fine. I would hate to face both you and Lucy if I don’t.”

The breathless chuckle that followed made Atsushi smile as they continued to dance around the apartment to the song Akutagawa associated so much with them.

Atsushi had never felt as sick as in the moment he was currently trapped in.

Sitting in front an elaborate fancy desk with the person behind it reading through his manuscript. Louisa, the woman Lucy dated, stood beside her boss Fitzgerald with a gentle smile and giving subtle thumbs up to Atsushi, as if that would calm his frizzling mind.

Akutagawa waited outside, having come with him as support and my extension also Gin who would keep her brother company while they waited.

“Interesting… Really interesting.” Fitzgerald commented quietly as he turned another page.

He had left various comments already, but they only consisted of adjectives, so Atsushi had no grasp what the man was actually thinking.

It felt like decades had passed until the blond man finally turned in his chair, laid the papers down on his desk and looked at Atsushi, who in response gulped. Would he now be chased out of the office and receive an official ban from ever writing again?

“Well Mister Nakojama-”

“Nakajima Sir.” Louisa interjected.

“That’s what I said, isn’t it? Well, anyways, I’m interested in this. It’s cute, child friendly and I think with some art from Herman it will be a bestseller in no time, right Louisa?”

“Indeed Sir.”

Atsushi was just blinking in response unable to decipher the words “no” “get out of my office” “Don’t ever write again” in that sentence.

“Wait… You want to actually publish it?”

“That’s what I said isn’t it Namajako-”

“Nakajima, Sir.”

“Nakajeana, I would be delighted to publish this. Your choice of words and the metaphors in this are excellent. You’re a talented writer. And I’m sure if Poe gets his hands on you, we will make you a bestselling author in no time.”

Atsushi felt stunned. He… he made it. And even more so… was Fitzgerald offering to pick him up fulltime?

“Mister Fitzgerald, Sir, do you insinuate right now to… employ me?”

Fitzgerald laughed wholeheartedly, his hand slamming on the desk even. “Oh I like you, humble little guy aren’t we? Of course. A talent like yours should be fostered and not be held back by dooming you to stick to only reviews in the back of a lifestyle magazine.”

Atsushi felt unable to breath, unable to speak, unable to do anything but stare at Fitzgerald with mouth agape.

“Now let’s talk business, Nekojema.”

Akutagawa tapped his foot impatiently against the pavement outside the fancy office that belonged to the Guild. He checked his watch for the hundredth time, earning a scolding from Gin.

“Stop being so impatient. The longer he’s in there the better. It means they don’t kick him out immediately.”

“But it could also mean they ridicule him for longer too if they don’t like what they read.”

“Don’t be foolish.” She scoffed and flicked her brother’s nose when the big doors opened, and Atsushi stepped out.

Within a second he got swarmed by the siblings who stared at the silver haired expectantly. But without saying anything just yet Atsushi only hugged Akutagawa tightly.

“I have a new job.” He eventually managed to state and without hesitation Gin joined the hug. Having a family had never felt this wonderful and Atsushi was more than grateful.

“This asks for a celebration. I’ll let Hirotsu know, and we will have a nice dinner in the club tonight!” Gin proudly proclaimed and started making plans while Atsushi enjoyed his hug with Akutagawa just a little longer, letting the stress finally melt away.

Time passed, and Atsushi’s transition from the Draconia to the Guild was more than smooth. He was surprised that Shibusawa didn’t hold much of an ill will towards him, though he supposes that was maybe thanks to the envelope Louisa handed him when they came to get Atsushi’s stuff from the office.

Working at the Guild was pretty nice actually. He got to meet Herman who did the illustrations for his children book and Poe, Fitzgerald’s top author. Though he was a crippling shy man and more well versed in horror and mystery he became Atsushi’s mentor in the world of book writing.

It felt nice, to feel like you’re finally where you belong. And coming home to Akutagawa or taking a detour to see him in the Black Lizards after work. From there it truly didn’t take long until Atsushi moved in.

So instead of two now they were sometimes four people when Gin brought Tachihara over (much to the dismay of her brother) but overall, it was a wonderful time.

It was a weekend that Akutagawa for once had off when Atsushi nervously climbed into their shared bed. Akutagawa was still reading a book by Poe that he wanted to try to see who Atsushi was working with, but he put it aside when he noticed Atsushi staring at him.

“What is it?” he asked, waiting for whatever Atsushi wanted to say. They knew each other’s mannerisms way too well by now.

“Well, I have a gift for you actually.” Atsushi mumbled as he twisted to grab the wrapped gift from his nightstand. He passed it along to Akutagawa and watched the man gauge it carefully. With deft fingers he opened it, discovering a book underneath the wrapping paper.

‘The beast beneath the moonlight; The Mockingbird’

“Fitzgerald said we might make a few more books so Beast Beneath the moonlight might become a series.” Atsushi explained and watched with a gentle smile as Akutagawa opened the book and read the inscription:

‘To my mockingbird; Thank you for pushing me to write this. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you… for just being you. I love you.’

Akutagawa traced the words with his finger before he briefly turned to Atsushi and smiled. Akutagawa then turned the page and began reading the story and watched the stunning illustrations that accompanied it.

“It’s beautiful, Atsushi. You did so well.”

Atsushi moved to press a chaste kiss to his lover’s lips and then pressed their foreheads together. “I had a wonderful inspiration, my little mockingbird.”

“Don’t you dare call me that again.” Akutagawa threatened and yet quickly stole another kiss.

“Fine, as you wish. Since I was busy getting these first few prints ready and missed your shows… Would you sing for me? I missed your voice, Ryuu.”

Akutagawa would of course indulge Atsushi. He couldn’t deny him this simple wish. And if Atsushi fell asleep cuddled up to Akutagawa while the other softly sang, then it was a secret shared between them.

What Atsushi didn’t expect was what came just a month after his book was officially published. Like Fitzgerald had predicted the book was a smash hit, becoming a new bestseller in no time and when Atsushi got to see just how many kids adored his work, he felt richer than any man hoarding gold ever could. Though of course he was also happy with the money he made from the sales.

He had personally made his way around some orphanages, gifting the books to them and giving a reading session from time to time and sometimes Akutagawa would even accompany him and gaze ta him lovingly from the back of the room.

So, what came from all this success?

A celebration in the Black Lizards club that even the mayor attended together with the press to congratulate Atsushi on his accomplishments in the literary world. To his luck Fitzgerald was glad to step in the spotlight and speak to all the reporters on his behalf.

The time passed by, alcohol was served by Hirotsu and Fitzgerald obviously had a little too much when he climbed the stage to do the announcement for Akutagawa instead of Higuchi and ended with a wholehearted ‘YEEHAW’ of all things.

In the VIP booth Atsushi had taken seat together with Gin, Tachihara, Lucy, Louisa, poe and Fitzgerald once the man had finally been dragged off the stage so Akutagawa could perform.

Just like practiced routine he stepped out from behind the red velvet curtain, dressed in a stunning suit and took his place in the spotlight. He closed his eyes for a moment, then looked up to instantly lock eyes with Atsushi.

“This evening, we celebrate the man who changed my view on so many things. We talked many late nights and bit by bit he started showing me what it means to live. And for him specifically… I want to perform the song that always reminds me of him.” With that he finished his announcement and the band started playing.

In the booth everyone got cozy, cuddling to their partners or simply enjoying the soft sounds of the band and nodding along.

For Atsushi… He couldn’t take his eyes off Akutagawa. No matter how many times he heard him, how many times they kissed, no matter how much time they spend together… He could still with ease monopolize Atsushi’s attention. And the newly turned author didn’t mind at all.  Akutagawa could have anything from him, and he would always gladly give.

They were each other’s inspirations, each other’s motivator, each other’s greatest treasure.

And neither would ever have it any other way. The future looked golden. No longer seemed scary or bleak. For once Atsushi was excited to see what tomorrow brings, which new song Akutagawa would sing to him, which new idea for a book he would get. And with all that in mind he laid his hand on his folded arms on the table and mesmerized watched Akutagawa sing his heart out, that now solely beat for him. 

“Blue moon
Now I'm no longer alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own”