Archive of Our Own ^beta

Shu only joins the baseball team because Uki asks him too. Well, to be more precise, it’s because Uki asked (for exactly what reasons still elude him, but he doesn’t really want to ask, plausible deniability and all that) and because the baseball team is the perfect place to make friends both in and out of the team. Petra tried to convince him to give swimming a shot, but it was too much of a solo sport, even if there were plenty of chances to chitchat on the sidelines. 

Besides, the players welcomed  him, even after he revealed exactly how little experience he truly has. They even let him touch the dirt from their last time in koshien a couple years back, clapping him heartily on the back before proudly declaring they’d shape him up into a player that can be a part of their next one no matter what.

He could list out the reasons one by one: Uki’s insistence, his desire to make friends, the unofficial dissolution of the AV club, but what really matters in the end is that he has truly come to enjoy it. Loves being a part of the team, taking their wins and losses in stride. Grins at the thought of being part of it all. 

“You’re all just so… nice,” he says, waving his hands vaguely like it’ll explain it all. “This is all so nice.”

“Nice?” Luca laughed, a smile tugging errantly at his lips. He nods his head like he gets what that means, for whatever that's worth. “Are you saying that you’re not?”

“You never know,” Shu steals a sip from his bottle. “What if I’m from some rival school who promised me a spot on their first string team if I can sabotage your team this year?”

“Are you?”

Beneath the budding trees, he can see their teammates mingling around the garlands and balloons they lay out that morning. Someone cajoles their captain into posing for a photo before throwing an orange into his outstretched hands, doubled over in laughter as he catches it but moves forward, effectively ruining the photo.

It makes a nice spot from their spot, sitting not so primly on the new spring grass. A year passed by before he even knew it.

“I could be,” Shu argues. 

“But you’re not,” Luca finishes. “That’s what really matters anyway!”

The sunset begins to form in front of them, an orange swipe painted behind the crest of the hill. The vegetal smell is vaguely comforting in a way, baked into pleasant and painful memories alike.

“Are you going to miss them?” Shu asks, waving at the people below. One of them catches his eye and waves back, supercharged.

“Oh yeah, absolutely,” Luca huffs out a little half laugh that turns into a sigh. “Gonna miss them like hell. But that’s just proof of all the great times we had, you know?”

Leave it to Luca to spin graduation into a positive light. Even though he knew it was coming, Shu still got a little choked up when it was finally time to send the seniors off. 

He remembers the first time he saw Luca over a year ago, really saw him and all the effort hidden behind that velour of nonchalance. It was about a month or two after joining the team, a time when he was still juggling his club activities and normal schedule, when he stumbled upon Luca running drills on his own in the gym at a much later hour than he reasonably had to be. It was like a performance of sorts, performed to what should have been an audience of none, sweat rolling down his neck as he weaved around in a gentle circuit. It struck him then, profoundly. 

He was someone working hard for his dreams, someone who deserved to reach them, and someone that he’d be proud to stand beside along the way.

“I guess that’ll be us soon,” he hums, letting the thought roll around in his head. It feels a little surreal. “Is there anything you want to do before we graduate? Things you dream of?”

Luca barks out a laugh like it’s so incredibly obvious, like he wears a neon sign emblazoned with all his dreams right on his chest and somehow Shu has missed it the whole time.

“That’s easy!” Luca grins, puffing out his chest. “I want to go to koshien and I want to fall in love!”

Luca has the kind of laugh that makes you want to join along, so he does, easily. He says the most charming, most ridiculous things without fail every single day.

“Fall in love? That one might be more impossible than us qualifying next year.”

“I’ll just have to practise a lot then!” Luca perks up beside him, poised to blast away his doubts with sheer force of will. “Got to pull my weight, after all.”

“You can’t just practise falling in love,” Shu advises, picking some fluff out of his hair. It's some kind of plant seed or husk, clinging to the ends of Luca's messy hair.

Luca bursts up when he’s done, scrambling to his feet to make his case in front of him. His jacket lays forgotten on the grass, cradling their bounty of oranges. Their manager supposedly picked them up because they’re shaped like baseballs, which could really apply to almost any kind of fruit.

Uki said they were probably just on sale and that he wouldn’t know what to get for a bunch of hungry, crying athletes either.

“Sure you can! You just have to, like, I dunno, go on dates and stuff. Hold hands. Be cute. Pro level stuff. Don’t you want to do that some day?”

Luca flushes a little as he says the words ‘hold hands’ and that gesture alone betrays any speck of confidence he may seem to have.

“Don’t think it works like that,” Shu insists, grabbing one of their oranges. “Luca, hand.”

Luca thrusts out a hand on command, whining a little when Shu unceremoniously drops the peels into it. He simply smiles when Luca puts them on his head in protest, placing half of the fruit into his freshly emptied palm.

“Let’s work hard together then,” Luca declares, chewing slowly. He grabs the peel off Shu’s head when he’s done, offering his free hand for Shu to grab onto.

“For koshien?” Shu asks, standing up and brushing the dirt off his clothes.

“For both!”

“Both?” Shu repeats, staring at Luca like he’s trying to physically piece him apart to understand all of his weird constituent bits. “What could– Huh? What do you mean?”

Luca hums a bit, like he hadn’t really thought about it much himself. “Like dating, I guess? Just to see what it’s like. No strings attached or anything, just like how we do soft batting drills just to go through the motions. C’mon Shu! Let’s do it for our dreams!”

Maybe he’s just in a sentimental mood, watching their seniors hug and take silly polaroids together below them, but the idea that he trusts him enough to ask, even if accidentally, warms his heart a little. The premise is, quite frankly, exactly the brand of ridiculous that he can imagine for something coming straight from Luca’s mouth. Luca looks like the kind of person that might fumble and fall in love repeatedly whenever he sees a pretty face, but that couldn’t be further from the truth with his tender yet unwavering heart. 

And while Shu finds girls pretty, likes them well enough even, it’s not like he’s ever felt like doing anything with those feelings. Hell, even Luca is plenty pretty, standing there with his outstretched arms and a smile that could cripple the sun. 

That’s not the point. 

The point is that Shu has always believed that love will come whenever it does and that there’s no need to force it, especially when there are so many more important things to worry about in life. And people like Luca, all brilliance and bravado and barely smothered vivacity, are not going to fall in love with slightly fey, gangly type of boys named Shu Yamino whose analytical skills have only ever won them a couple games here and there no matter how many rose-tinted scenarios they find themselves in. They are just friends that can help each other without turning it into some grand production, so it’ll be fine no matter what happens.

That’s why it’s easy to agree to be his practice partner.

There’s no real reason to refuse anyway. If he says no, he knows it’ll make Luca sulk no matter how much he always pretends like he won’t and isn’t. The team usually calls upon him to coax him out of it whenever he gets into one of his moods, but this time it’ll be his fault so he won’t want to do it and then no one will fix it so they’ll just keep begging and pleading all while Luca’s pleading for a different reason and it’s all really not worth getting so worked up about anyway. 

One date here and there? Sure, game on. He can find a way to manage at least that much, or at least hold out until Luca gets tired of it all and asks him to do something else instead. Like more drills.

-

Unfortunately, Shu underestimated just how impossible it is to talk Luca down from something he’s genuinely excited about. He doesn’t really have the heart to either, steeling himself for the painful process of hashing out the little details that feel like they shouldn’t really matter.

“Have you ever been on a date before?”

“No. Have you?”

“Should we–” Shu isn’t quite sure how to phrase this without sounding downright mean or horribly insecure, taking a moment to recall the last time he went far enough out of town for it to feel like a real trip. “Should we pick somewhere a bit further away? In case we run into someone we know.”

“Are you really that embarrassed to be seen with me? We do stuff together all the time anyway.”

Luca tosses the ball back and almost misses, hitting him almost too square in the chest. It’s a bit off mark, but he simply smiles before crouching, readying himself for Shu’s ensuing volley. He envies it a little sometimes, that nonchalance. There’s a lightness to his words, simply floating and bobbing through the air until they eventually reach your ears.

It’s not like he’s particularly tightly wound, but there’s a lot of stuff tumbling around inside his head sometimes, even if he doesn’t let it bleed out that often. He likes to be prepared for everything so all of those nerves and thoughts, they’re just a consequence of living.

“I just don’t know how to explain it if someone asks,” Shu tosses it back, watching the ball arc softly through the air. “I don’t like lying, but I don’t think they’ll understand the truth either.”

He knows they won’t, already receiving his fair share of well-meaning critiques when he talked about it with his other friends. They kept telling him things about how he could help Luca without involving himself so deeply, things that didn’t really matter when he knew that it would all work out fine anyway. They both knew what they were getting into with this, walking through the motions just to be ready for some eventuality where it’s real and it does matter.

Shu knows himself well and knows especially well that it’ll take a lot more than artificial rom-com scenarios to truly dent their friendship. 

“We don’t have to explain it then,” Luca shrugs. “5 o’clock still good with you?”

And just like that, with all of the pomp and circumstance befitting something a lot less important than their first pretend date as pretend lovers, everything is decided. 

To Shu’s credit, despite his uncertainties on what he needs to do, he refuses to back down from any challenge. To do so would be horribly rude, after all. It’s bad manners for a fake partner to bail before they can spend a single fake minute on their fake date, running off before they can drink milkshakes or whatever it is you’re supposed to do when you're young and nervous and crazy in love.

That night, Shu resolves himself to learn so he can do it right. It’s the least he can do, knowing that both of them are going in completely blind.

-

In retrospect, he should have tried a little harder to convince Luca to let him call his other friends for help on figuring out what the heck you’re supposed to do on a date. 

He begged and pleaded in the lead-up to their first official practice date, asking here and there during their gaming nights and on the walk home from school. Luca was adamant about it though. If they’re going to go on a date, then they’re going to plan it all themselves because it’s cheating if they get someone else to do it for them. It’s bad practice, even. Completely counterintuitive to the entire notion.

Unfortunately, that meant that all of his ideas for the perfect date were going to come from whatever he’s heard other people do in movies or on tv. 

Luca turns up, three minutes early, outside some fancy café that neither of them are particularly jazzed about carrying nothing but a bunch of bananas. 

“For you,” Luca says with a bow, presenting them with a little flourish. 

Was he supposed to bring something too? Sure, it’s just a practice date, but he supposes it is still a date and it would have been nice to have done so. Will it be awkward if he’s carrying something but Luca’s hands are empty? Would it have been worse if they both had their hands full, running around all day with flowers and fruit in their arms? Is he going to be disappointed that Shu didn’t think to do the same? Is he ruining their practice already?

“Thank you?” Shu says tentatively, accepting it with both hands to be extra polite. What’s the right thing to say when your date gives you a bunch of fruit before even saying hello?

Luca simply beams, sparkling without a trace of resentment. “They reminded me of you,” he says simply, knocking his own body into his side once the transfer is complete.

It’s sweet in an innocent way, but also a heavier burden than he probably anticipated. What if they get crushed as soon as he puts them into his bag? Will they kick them out for bringing outside food?

Shu curses the café idea a little, caught holding the door for wave after wave of exiting patrons as Luca keeps glancing back and forth between his spot at the door and the digital menus. He's always been a little too susceptible to the trappings of politesse, but he figured that he should be a proper date, starting by holding the door open for Luca (and a seemingly endless stream of other people) to walk through.

It was his mistake to suggest this place in the first place, launching off of all of those rom-coms where the two leads have a cute meeting by chance in a coffee shop and one of them buys a drink for a more casual, low stakes way to get to know each other and what’s so cute or romantic about spilling a drink on someone and getting them all wet in the first place? The café is fine, clearly to the taste of its rather larger group of patrons, but it’s not really a great place for them and their preferences. 

“Do you know what you want?” Luca asks, voice raised to be audible over the music flooding from the speakers. It’s some kind of wannabe smooth jazz mixed with bits of city pop.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Shu replies, handing the barista his card. 

Luca deflates a little at the sight, his own card plucked out of his wallet just moments after, and promises to cover it next time.

As soon as they get their drinks, Shu motions to the door and Luca seemingly gratefully follows him out, propping the door open with his foot just long enough for him to slip out. If anyone asks, it's because he doesn't want the staff to chew them out for the bananas, and not at all because he could feel them both suffocating in what should have been the perfect romantic practice date spot.

“I’m sorry,” Shu says softly, checking the street before they cross. “That was terrible.”

All the outdoor tables were either full, without any chairs, or covered in some unknown liquid that neither wanted to hang around in, so they decided to take their adventure to the park instead.

“Aw, unpog!” Luca suddenly laments, running his free hand through his hair. “I forgot my croissant at the coffee place.”

“We can go back,” Shu offers, glancing at the plethora of occupied benches. The first couple places they tried were all full too.

“It’s okay, Shu. I ate a bit before I left!”

When they finally settle in a somewhat shady spot beneath a rather large tree, Shu breaks off one of the bananas for him, offering it like a truce.

“But Shuuuu,” Luca whines, grabbing onto his shoulders to give them a little shake. “That's supposed to be your gift, not mine.”

“Yeah, well, now I’m giving it back to you. Uno reverse, baby.”

He’s not sure if his stubbornness or hunger gives out first, but Luca happily takes it and chomps into it, discarding the peels into a neat pile for later. It’s nice, especially now that they have some peace and quiet to relax in, but it doesn't feel like he's been a very good partner. 

“Luca, ask me a question or something. Ask me why I started playing baseball.”

“But I know why you started playing baseball,” Luca protests, tossing some grass his way.

He does. It was one of the first things they talked about the first time they were paired up for practice. Luca always had a knack for making conversation feel safe and easy, picking topics like that which wouldn't be hard to discuss through little snippets when they had time to spare.

“Just do it,” Shu insists, waiting for the question to come. You’re supposed to get to know each other on dates, right? He should prepare him for that.

“Fine,” he eventually relents with a sigh, putting on a bit of a voice. “Oh Shubert Yamino, why did you ever decide to play a sport like the most based of balls, also known as baseball? Is it because you’re incredibly based?”

“My friend asked me to, and I thought it would be fun.”

“Ah, I see,” Luca paused, mouth quirking up a little as he feigned surprise. “So it’s not because you really love to base some balls.”

“What does that even mean? It’s not funny if you laugh at your own joke.”

“Why not? You laughed too, so it was clearly a great one!”

Shu sighed, gathering up their cups and things to throw them safely away. In his absence, Luca flopped over onto the grass, lazily drawing shapes in the clouds with his finger, the very picture of casualness and serenity. 

“Why are you…” Shu trails off a little, pausing at the way Luca looks up at him through his eyelashes like there are stars swimming in his eyes. “Why aren’t you more serious about this?”

“I am being serious though,” Luca responds, but he’s still smiling just the same as before.

“I thought we were practising,” Shu says, then continues, rushing to explain what he means. “I mean, isn’t practice about getting good at something? Preparing for everything so that you can respond as perfectly as possible? Didn’t you– I mean, didn’t you ask me to do this so we can test things together?”

Part of him, a crazy little part of his brain, is thinking about the little blips in their plans today and how much better they were: the way they ran circles around each other to compete for who would be more gentlemanly and stand next to the traffic; the face Luca made when he jumped up to try to get him a pristine leaf from the trees and had to swerve away from a bush on the way down, done for no reason at all except for Shu’s sheer enjoyment of pressing them inside his dictionaries; the shriek he gave out when they switched drinks for a second, surprised at the wildly different flavour. 

It doesn’t matter what he liked because this is all for Luca in the end anyway, not for him, and that’s just the way he shows love. Doing little favours for people, so long as he has the power to grant them.

He needs to focus and be serious and go through the motions because this isn't about him.

Luca pauses, hand fiddling with the edge of his shirt, and takes a moment to squint up at him, exhaling quickly. A dejected Luca, sure that’s one thing, a sight that’ll twist your stomach a little, but the sight of Luca, slightly solemn and soothing because of him stings worse than a punch to the gut.

“Luca, I–”

“No, no, it’s okay, Shu,” Luca cuts him off so gently, using one hand to softly pat his ankle. “Sure, practice is about improving, but it’s also about having fun, right? I just think, for things like this, that the fun part is more important. That’s why I asked you.”

It’s something that he forgets sometimes, the sheer delight that can come with doing something you care about, even if you’re doing it because you need to. It’s easier to separate things into the broad categories of improvement and everything else. 

“We can just focus on having fun and worry about all the complicated stuff later,” Luca goes on to say, still smiling, still looking at him without a shred of judgement or disappointment.

“Okay,” he finally replies, bending down so he can lay beside him. Luca offers his arm as a pillow, but Shu just shrugs it off, unbothered by the grass tickling his neck. “I doubt we’ll find anything to worry about anyway. It’s not like dating is a dangerous sport or anything.”

Luca huffs out a laugh beside him and, knowing how he is, Shu waits the two or three seconds it’ll take before Luca inevitably shares his thoughts with him.

“You know how fishing is, like, the most dangerous job? If dating was one of those too, then we could be fish daters or something– no, fish matchmakers, and then we’d probably be the coolest, most capable people in the world.”

“Who’s to say that we aren’t already?”

“Shu Yamino, I like the way you think!”

The world, it seems, unlike Luca, is not a very big fan of Shu Yamino on this day, probably doing some colossal planetary version of a smirk as the sky opens up in a flurry of raindrops and proceeds to drop them all on top of their grinning faces. At least all his prep was good for something, Shu grimaces, rummaging around his bag as Luca rolled further under the tree.

The good news: Shu finds his umbrella, tucked between his sweater, the rest of the bananas, and a notebook. He even brought the larger one, just in case they needed to set up a traditionally romantic moment beneath the same umbrella since he was almost certain Luka would be too excited to remember his.

The bad news: The vendors shutter their gates at the sight of the storm, effectively ending their plans of checking out the market and eating some snacks outdoors once they finish their drinks.

The worse news: There’s a reason why he left this umbrella in the back of his closet. It half opens when they try it, broken spokes keeping part of the canopy from completely unfurling until the whole thing just collapses under the weight of the rain.

It is a long, wet walk to the bus stop, or at least it certainly feels that way, racing under bowing trees that shed buckets of water onto their waterlogged bodies.

“I’m just not very good at dating, I guess,” Shu admitted, leaping towards the bus shelter. What use is all this planning that neither of them enjoy if it doesn’t even help them anyway.

“Me neither.” Luca softly brushed the rain off his forehead, handing him the remnants of their broken umbrella. “But that’s why we’re practising.”

When Luca looks at him so simply, simple words and simple fire glistening in his eyes, it makes the world feel a lot simpler and easier to manage. His fingers skitter after the raindrops that drip down his bangs, wringing them out with a quick squeeze.

“Can we have a rain check then? Same time next week?”

“Of course!” Luca calls out as he boards, ignoring the way the driver turns his head to stare at the source of noise. He even ran along the sidewalk for a bit to wave at him through the window before dashing back to the shelter as the bus turned out to the bigger intersection.

On their next date, Shu brings Luca the flowers this time, just to see his reaction, and he’s even more excited than he could have anticipated. Discarding all his notions of what they do and do not have to be and do, he finds that he enjoys this one a lot more. 

In fact, if all dates are like that, then maybe he can begin to understand why Luca wants to fall in love so desperately. Love shaped like this could be worth dreaming about.

-

Baseball gets easier when he realises that practice can just be about having fun sometimes, too.

Shu begins celebrating the runs that he does get, instead of lamenting the ones that he doesn’t. It becomes more about the crazy things they try, instead of the silly things they flub. It’s not like he’s a pessimist, but it's like a new instinct has been reignited in him, a thought that he can't pack away now that he’s spent so much time tracing its gilded edges.

His back is already burning and hands continue to slap against it and everyone is cheering and it feels amazing, feels like all the smiles are permeating into his fiery soul and soaking into his skin.

Nothing has changed. Well, maybe they really are getting better and better with the extra gruelling rounds of training, but fundamentally, even though nothing has changed, every day feels like a new victory.

Shu breathes out, running over to Luca who’s standing there just waiting for him, and enjoys the way their hands meet with a resounding clap. 

-

The dates get better and better as time goes on too, or maybe they simply just get easier to deal with. It’s a bit disingenuous to imply that he simply deals with them, rather than wholeheartedly enjoying it, but it’s simply a testament to how committed he is to the idea of having fun that it doesn't really matter. 

Saturdays become Shu-and-Luca days instead of just study, game, do whatever comes to mind (which is probably nothing) days, penned neatly in his calendar with a little drawing of a lion in a neat little column down the rest of the year.

If they stop the charade before the end of the year, then maybe he’ll see how many different ways he can cross them out. More likely though, he’ll probably rope Luca into spending time together, just this time without the premise of going on another date.

He doesn’t know exactly how to tell Luca how much he likes it without sounding too mushy and serious, resorting to sending him little memes and pictures of things that remind him of their time together and though he’s not sure if he really understands, Luca usually sends him something similar in return and that’s good enough too. 

Something something your chest is so big because it needs to fit your enormous heart. It all sounds a little stilted and weird coming from him, so he doesn’t even bother trying.

A photostrip, the chipped figurine from a gachapon machine, and a pretty greenish rock all sit neatly on his desk now, crammed beside a pot of paper flowers. Bounties from previous excursions and outings.

This week, their adventure takes the form of a huge puzzle that they’ve brought home from the library, left abandoned on the table after they barely assembled the edges. It just got a little too tedious trying to rifle through all those cardboard pieces to guess the difference between the cornflower, periwinkle, and robin’s egg blue shards that make up the rippling lake.

He told Luca that they should have started with something easier, a famous painting or something with more drastic contrast, but he simply grabbed his hands and insisted that they would be able to finish it easily because they’re just that good and stubborn and unwilling to give up because of a couple hundred fragments of water.

Luca insisted that they were just taking a short break, because he refuses to give up over such a trivial challenge. He chews on his popsicle in happy silence, which was nice in its own way. Sometimes they needed a little silence too, moments to rest after long days and even longer weeks.

There are plenty of ways to express themselves without words anyway, like how Luca always drapes a blanket around his shoulders when he opens the windows on the off chance that he gets cold.

Memories spill into him, steadily and softly like a rolling wave. Their matching cups in the cupboard. Staring contests held in dusky lighting. Singing songs in the comfort of his bedroom and praying the noise doesn’t carry through the walls to the neighbours. Flowers, allergies, and dreams of living in a quaint little cottage somewhere bright and soft.

“You have a nice voice,” Luca breaks the silence, gnawing a little at the leftover stick still dangling from his lips.

“Oh? What’s this all of a sudden?”

“I was just thinking,” he shrugs, getting up to wash the juice off his hands. “Figured I should tell you since you might like to know, that’s all.”

There are these moments too, candid little crumbs jostled between the volley of jokes they toss at each other. Luca takes Shu’s trash when he gets up, returning with two glasses of water and a pitcher to share.

Shu drinks it down steadily, not because he wants to, but because it feels like the right thing to do.

“Shall we finish the puzzle then?”

-

Luca is responsible enough to be timely, or at the very least to warn him ahead of time if he wouldn’t be. As he emerges from the field, his phone is alight with a few new texts, but none are what he’s looking for. One from Elira, asking about the newest problem set and his free time that weekend, another from Ike about club duties and registration. 

Nothing from Luca, who was supposed to meet him half an hour ago.

Having ruled out the usual possibilities, there’s only place he might still be at this hour. Last time he was behind the school, caught up in the end of a workout, but even the gym is pretty devoid of any life.

Shu knocks softly on the club door and waits a few beats before letting himself in, just in case he was wrong and someone was using it for less wholesome reasons. The lights are still on at least, which is a good sign that someone was still inside.

“Luca? You here?”

Luca didn’t respond, not even when he reached out to put a tentative hand on him. His jacket lay slightly crushed beneath his head, limbs wildly splayed out on the floor. He seemed to have learned from their last unfortunate incident with laying down on a couple folding chairs, at the very least.

“Luca? C’mon, it’s time to get up now.”

What would work better, his face or his shoulder? After a little debate, Shu decided to gently shake his shoulder, leaning back a bit in case Luca suddenly jumps up and bashes straight into his head.

“We’ve got to go,” he lies. “Captain said last one to leave has to clean up all the gear.”

“I’m up! I’m up!” Luca screams, hands bursting up in a rush. Shu steadies one in his grasp while he waits for Luca to regain his bearings.

“Huh? Shu? Why’re you here?”

“You didn’t answer my texts,” Shu answers, chancing a glance at the door. He does not want it to sound like an accusation, but Luca’s face falls immediately nonetheless.

“Sorry,” he murmurs, eyes skirting towards the drawn windows. “I’ve just had a lot to think about lately.”

“Do you ever–” Luca begins, clearing his throat and marinating in the words some more. “Do you ever worry about it? Next year?”

“What’s there to worry about? The team’s doing great and you’ve been hitting better than ever.”

A smile does not burst onto Luca’s face, despite the well-earned praise. Instead, he just hums a little, rubbing slowly at his eyes. While he could usually chalk it up to a sleepy, slow-to-react Luca, the fact that he slept like this in the first place makes it all feel a little more serious.

“Yeah, I guess so,” he eventually replies.

“Do you want to talk about it? We can do some practice or something so you have something to do with your hands.”

It’s supposed to be a lifeline. He knows that Luca likes moving while he processes things.

He watched as Luca thought it over, chewing slightly on his lip. He watched him stand up straighter and periodically clench and unclench his right fist and truly begin to compose himself, dredging up what little bravado he can.

“No, Shu, it’s okay. It’s already getting late and you should get some rest instead of spending all this time looking after me. Aren’t you busy?” Luca shoved his jacket into his bag and latched the top once it was mostly inside, dashing over to get the key. “Aren’t you studying for entrance exams? I don’t– I want us to be happy when we’re spending time together, not wasting it dealing with my stupid baggage.”

Shu just wordlessly takes the key from his hand, locking the door behind them as he grabs his wrist and guides him over to the field. He also knows that Luca is so incredibly selfless sometimes.

Luca is still handsome, even as he slightly frowns, confused and protesting. 

“Ready? Let’s start,” Shu shouts out, running a bit further back from him. “Let’s catch up! If you don’t want to answer anything, then you can just pretend like you can’t hear me over the wind!”

They play until the city lights supplant the afternoon’s light. They play and they play and play until finally, finally, a grin peeks out of Luca’s face like the rising moon.

There is victory to be found like this, watching the joy spread out until it’s practically leaping out of his amethyst eyes. He makes a bad toss and watches as Luca sprints to catch it, beaming at him when he reaches it anyway.

-

That night, Luca finally texts him back in an eruption of sorry’s and thank you for today's and POG YOU! He updates him little by little, starting with a picture of the cat that skulks around the park near his house. Then, after a little break in the flood, he shyly asks if they can call instead since it’s easier to talk without his hands.

“Shuuuuuuu!” Luca practically shouts, voice coming out slightly tinny as his phone speaker struggles to keep up.

Luca rambles on about his day, about the parts that they didn’t get to share together and his perspective on the ones they did. He remembers the first time they did this, a conversation so long that he fell asleep still on the line all caught up in tangled story after story until Luca’s laughter blanketed him as much as his covers.

“Can you believe he said that, Shu? I’m like the meanest, most evil person I know!”

“Yeah,” he replies with a soft smile. “You are.”

There’s a soft rustling on the other end as Shu waits, eager to let Luca indulge in his fill of conversation. It might make him feel better after whatever tough days he’s been weathering.

“You’re not taking me with you to the bathroom again, are you?” Shu laughs, teasing.

“No!” Luca quickly pipes up. “That was one time, okay! I just forgot to mute and well, you know. Stuff happened.”

Shu shrugs off his sweater, draping it against his chair before changing his mind and folding it up instead so it doesn’t wrinkle. He hums a little to fill the space.

“Just lost in thought again?”

“Yeah, a little,” Luca replies, voice suddenly a little quieter than before. “It’s just– What if we win? What if we do get to go to koshien next year?”

Shu furrows his eyebrows a little, confused. “Then we win and party like rockstars? I thought you wanted to. That’s why we started all of this.”

If Luca was here, maybe he’d laugh at the way Shu gestures with his hand in a bigger and bigger motion, trying in vain to capture the shape of all the things they’ve wrapped themselves up in.

“I do,” Luca promises, repeating it softer to himself. “I do. It’s just– I just– I think it would be sad if the best, most notable thing that ever happened to me happened right now. What if the most important thing I ever did was go to koshien as a third year? What if I spend the whole rest of my life knowing that this is the one thing I ever did and nothing will ever compare.”

It’s a fair worry, he thinks. There’s something to be said about how utterly terrifying it can feel to be so close to something you have always wanted with all of your heart, blind to what could possibly follow it. About how it feels to be scared and excited while you make progress. There is a lot to be said, in fact. Many things. Too many to ever begin to vocalise.

“I get it,” he says, unsure how to express it in words. “It’s like you want it, but it’s scary when something you always thought was just a dream is suddenly a lot more real than before.”

“Exactly.”

Luca, still rummaging around doing god knows what on the other end, seems to finally have begun to calm down. There’s a soft clink of glass against wood in the background, hopefully water but probably not.

“If we make it,” Shu begins to say, shaking his head, “When we make it, we’re going to be so freaking happy that it’ll blow our minds. I’m going to run up to you and you’re going to catch me as we spin around and around and around until everyone’s telling us to stop and we feel sick. We’re going to be so happy and you will always be more than that moment, but you will always be a part of it.”

“Oh yeah?” Luca laughs, voice a little choked up. “Why aren't you the one carrying me?”

“We both know it won't work out that way,” Shu replies, his own laugh joining the chorus. “You’re going to be happy, okay? And you’re gonna check one dream off your checklist and we’ll find a new one to put right under it.”

Shu basks in the warmth of the moment, this crazy hypothetical eventual reality that they’re going to force into fruition. These last couple years may not have been the one, but the next one certainly will be.

“You really think so?”

“Course I do,” he murmurs. “Besides, there’s always that other dream, isn't there? You can always look forward to that one.”

-

“Shu!” Luca waves him over as soon as he spots him.

Sweat runs in rivulets down his bare neck, soaked up by a wet towel that he tosses aside with a grin. Next time they do extra training together, he’s definitely going to postpone it till some time nearer to sunset. They both swore to avoid training indoors after a couple wannabe pop-up balls had very near misses with the windows but on days like this, horrifically hot for so many reasons under the unrelenting sun, he wishes they had enough plausible deniability to do it anyway.

“Oh, I, um, ponytail,” Shu finally gets out. “It’s nice.”

It’s a bit of a surprise. Luca rarely ties it up, preferring a hat over something that’ll slip steadily downwards as they run around the field. He’s always heard that heat comes out of your scalp first, though, so the effectiveness remains relatively unknown.

It suits him.

“Yeah, it’s been hot as fuck lately! Yuck. Need to keep the hair out of my face so I don’t melt!” Luca sometimes feels like summer personified, especially in moments like this. “Want me to do yours too?”

“Sure,” he agrees, turning around to give Luca better access. His hands really are warm as they thread through his hair, but blessedly not too sticky or damp.

“Done! Can’t let you turn into a puddle over there.”

Shu can feel the elastic tugging his head slightly as he spins around, striking a victorious pose. Luca eagerly claps along, playing the part of the attentive audience member for their imaginary fashion show.

“So what? Don’t you think I’d make a handsome puddle?”

“Maybe,” Luca laughs, pretending to examine him closely for any melting pieces. He pulls away with a nod, apparently satisfied that he's still intact. “I kinda like you more like this though.”

“Me too,” Shu agrees, occupying his mouth by drinking some water lest he say something embarrassing about how much he likes Luca too. "It would be too hard to play without any hands."

The sun shines at full force for the rest of the day, but it does nothing to deter Luca’s seemingly endless supply of energy. 

He sometimes wonders if Luca’s face ever gets tired of smiling. Maybe it’s just natural to him, something that’ll inevitably transition into smile lines as he ages and they won’t be ugly because they’re just another part of what makes him so quintessentially himself. Beautiful.

-

They used to only see each other on days without practice, excavating free days without any prior commitments from increasingly packed schedules so they could focus on relaxing together without anything else hanging between them. Recently, however, Luca’s had a penchant for just knocking on his door, for just grabbing his hand and tugging it towards a little mini adventure to satisfy their itch for a little bit more.

The spontaneity is nice too, he realises, running around still sleepy and soaked in dreams.

Luca’s also stopped trying to find excuses to justify his visits, so Shu’s stopped looking for them. There’s no reason why they can’t just go out for the sake of stomping around the loose stones and overgrown grass.

“Ready?”

Shu nods vaguely, taking a moment to take a jacket off one of the hooks before cramming his feet into his dinged up shoes.

Today they’re going to get sweets, he decides, because Luca’s been talking about missing the festival’s little booths and stalls and the nearest one isn’t for another month at least. It’s not really the same, but it’s as close as they can realistically manage without doing anything drastic.

“Do you wanna go to the arcade on Saturday?”

Luca gives him a crooked grin in response, all his teeth on full display. “You’re so on! I play a mean game of Pump It Up. They even called me the champion of under.”

“What’s under?” Shu asks, waiting for the inevitable.

“Under balls,” Luca finishes, looking a little disappointed.

“Why the long face?”

“You were supposed to say it.” Luca’s pout slightly muddles the words. He occupies himself by kicking a pebble along with them.

“Say what?” Shu goes for it, feigning ignorance. He’s certain that Luca can find it in him to forgive him. “Ligma?”

“Nooo,” he laments, drawing out the vowels. “You were supposed to say under where!”

Shu manages to keep a straight face for approximately 10 seconds before immediately breaking into a wide grin and Luca, realising just what he's tricked him into, groans as he flops his arms over Shu’s shoulders, leaning on him as they trudge up the hill and down the street.

Any lingering disappointment quickly vanishes as the storefront finally pops up in their field of vision. Luca hums as he grabs mochi for the two of them, on sale since the day’s going to end soon, and happily fishes out his wallet.

They bring their treats outside, though Luca holds his share captive until Shu agrees to go to the festival with him next month for real, which is ridiculous because he was always planning on going with him anyway. 

“You know, I was thinking about sending something to your house instead. Since I knew waiting for it would be hard.”

Luca perks up at his words, turning his head to look his way. “Oh! That’s why Vox asked what my favourite food was, wasn't it? I thought it was a little weird, but it was nice too.”

“Yeah,” Shu said quietly, almost embarrassed at how transparent he was. “I couldn’t figure out how to get it to you and we had all these plans anyway, so I figured this was the next best thing.”

Luca smiles and rubs a finger on the back of his hand for a second or two in thanks, mouth too busy to say it out in words. He looks at their hands, both slightly cracked and calloused from the drier weather, and decides to start bringing lotion to school. He drags his gaze off somewhere else, pausing at the way that the leaves half flutter in the breeze, before coming back to rest on Luca’s form.

Somewhere, a little far off, too far to see in the darkness, there’s the sound of a dripping gutter, and he hopes that it’s not a sign of rain.

“Hey, Luca, you've got a little something right there,” he gestures vaguely at his own cheek, watching Luca paw at his own face in confusion.

“Hold still. I’ll get it,” he says, voice pitched a little high. Luca turns his face his way and shrieks a little as Shu takes the opportunity to smear some kinako onto his cheek. “Oops. Guess I missed.”

It's only fair to receive his own share of the fun, so he hardly protests as Luca swipes a little on the bridge of his nose in revenge. He offers some of his mochi to Luca as a truce, and the promise of food easily distracts him from escalating their little fight. 

There’s a lot of pollution in the city, too much to even pretend like they can see constellations that neither know enough about. No, knowing them, they’d probably make up their own even if they could see all the stars, delighting in whenever the other nods like they’ve been telling the truth the whole time. 

Still, he supposed, looking at the way the yellowing lamps from the sweets shop dyed Luca in a soft golden glow, that sights like this were probably just as good. 

It's a sight that'll be embedded in his brain for weeks to come, the lights, Luca’s slightly sticky-sweet hands reaching out to him, the sound of laughter that he wishes he could wrap up in a little glass bottle. 

Sometimes, in moments like this, it’s hard to believe that he ever needed the practice to begin with. It all seems to come so easily.

“Careful, if you stare at me too long, then I might just kiss you,” Luca says, dissolving into a fit of full-body giggles. It’s all one long never-ending series of jokes with them.

“Chuuu,” Shu croaks out, barely delivering the punchline through his own laughter.

On days like this, from the hours of noon to approximately 4am, before the sun dares to show its face, it all feels just a smidge more real, the epitome of all this hard-earned and hard-won practice.

He takes it as a sign that their charade is paying off, since he’s felt leagues more at ease with the concepts of love and dating after they started all of this.

Should the day ever come when Luca dives like a comet in the sea, then maybe he would follow suit, ever the binary star.

-

Training camp is always one of the best parts of the school year, the chance to talk to friends and rivals without all of the bone-deep exhaustion that follows a well-fought game. The best day to really get a feel for everything is probably Monday, since people often like to practise and party hard on Saturday when they first arrive and spend the rest of the weekend just recovering and drawing up new strategies based on what they’ve seen so far.

He knows that Luca likes to medicate himself by having lots of fun with lots of new people, thrives on the thought of it all, so it’s not surprising to hear that he’s going to skip out on team dinner after their first scrimmage. That side of him, the part that loves to simply exist and to love and to laugh, has never been a problem. It’s a boon, honestly, something that makes him so buoyant and beautiful.

Shu’s guilty of much of the same, spending a little more time than usual flitting around various groups of people in little microdoses to get his own fill. If anyone notices that he stays a little longer than normal, then they’re kind enough to turn a blind eye. Besides, he does want to be here too, it just feels a little unintentionally performative when part of his attention is glued to the thought of Luca.

It’s not his fault or anything either, not a flaw that needs correcting. It’s just that it would be nice to hear it directly from him too.

Luca still, after morning practice, after a shared lunch and debrief session spent poking each other’s sides while the captain was lecturing them all, after a veritable day’s worth of time together, has yet to say a thing to him about it. Whether he simply forgot or just assumed it didn’t matter, he isn’t sure, but it annoys him all the same, so he breaks off from the group during cooldown, eager to deal with the agitation somehow.

It’s a bit of a selfish thing to feel because he knows that he doesn’t own Luca’s time or attention just because they sometimes pretend like he does. That’s not the real problem, not really though, since the least he could have done was respect his time and tell him that he was going to be busy that night.

Shu’s a simple guy, simply throwing himself a little harder into running than usual to burn off some of the excess energy lest it fester into something sour. Luca vaguely waves at him when he sees him but makes no other moves and the disappointment lingers in the air.

He supposes, then, that he can try to push things along a little.

“I heard from the others that you’re skipping out on dinner tonight.”

Luca simply rolls his eyes in response, voice a little clipped. “I’m allowed to have a life outside of baseball,” he finally says, tossing his equipment into the pile. It lands with a hefty clunk.

“Okay,” Shu replies, unlacing his cleats. It’s not worth the argument. Clearly he’s not going to get anything out of him. 

He forgot that subtlety isn’t exactly one of Luca’s strong suits. He was always so achingly direct and if there was something he felt like saying, then he probably already would have a long time ago.

“Okay? Okay? What the fuck, Shu. What’s up with you today? You’ve been weirdly distant all day long.”

He responds with something vaguely plausible and noncommittal: assignments, stress, exams, a tougher training regimen, some weird pain in his wrist that he meant to get checked out a couple weeks ago. Luca, for his part, just clicks his tongue and looks thoroughly unimpressed, but doesn’t needle him for more information like he expected. His annoyance chases all hints of concern off his face.

“It’s nothing,” Shu grits out. He’s looking at his ear instead of his eyes to keep up appearances, unwilling to do even that much. “I just don’t think you should blow off training like that.”

“And what? Am I supposed to drop everything just because you ask me to? You don’t even like baseball,” he accuses, punctuating the phrase by shoving his locker door into the wall. He tries to pass it off like it’s casual, like it’s just another instance of him forgetting his own strength, but they both know that it’s not. “You just like that it makes you feel useful, that’s why you’re always running off to help the volleyball team set up their monitors and stuff.”

It’s not worth arguing the technicalities of what he does and does not like when he gets like this. He should just hash things out with him on some day when they’re both free and act like it.

“So what? They asked me and I said yes. I’m just trying to be responsible.”

Luca ignores the question, taking no steps to disguise any of the motley mix of hurt, anger, and petulance lingering on his tongue. He huffs a bit when he hears the word ‘responsible,’ connecting it to god knows who and what.

“Yeah, well I asked you for plenty of things too. I wanted to practise with you today and you totally blew me off!”

What right does he have to demand things of him? Though he supposes that goes both ways, he realises, thinking about the way he's been acting.

“Luca, I–” Shu sighs, neatly dropping his uniform in his bag for later. He takes a second to compose himself, to begin thinking about how he can possibly explain how he feels without having this conversation right now when they're both too worked up to do it well. “Do you really love baseball that much?”

This gets Luca more offended than anything else, it seems, because he’s quick to fire back in turn. “What would you even know? Do you? Do you even love anything?”

“I don’t know. I’m not the one who begged his teammate into playing pretend just because he couldn’t have the real thing,” Shu remarks, relishing in the way the words cut his tongue as they exit. He is shocked, honestly, the shock settling in before any anger. Luca has always known how insecure he was about it, how much of an imposter he felt like for joining the team when he never cared about baseball before high school, and it burns to hear it used so easily against him.

He didn’t know people could look like that, all small and sallow and full of knives. Luca trembles slightly, form a bit hazy through the curtain of his drooping bangs, but the sheer idea of it is striking enough.

It’s almost enough to make him take it all back.

“Maybe you should think long and hard about what I might love then," Shu says, putting a pin in their conversation. "Or don’t. You can let me know your answer when we go back home.”

Shu has never really paid much attention to just how much their bodies gravitate towards each other, a little lean onto buckled shoulders or wandering fingers claiming territory on each other’s bodies. Sometimes Luca will play with his hair, straightening his clothes and tucking in the errant tags because he’s always itching to do something with his hands. Sometimes there’s a whole entire summer inside his chest just blooming beneath his fingertips.

It is only when he’s actively stopping himself from getting any closer that he realises just how heavily ingrained it is. Luca calls out his name once more and, ignoring the instinctual urge to turn back, he continues swiftly out the door, bag tossed haphazardly over his shoulder.

“Stupid emotions,” Shu grumbled, starting his lonely journey back home.

He hates it, hates arguing with Luca, but worst of all hates the ugly, terrible person that anger twists him into sometimes. It’s something he’s worked so hard to deal with without exploding, since he just doesn’t see a point to being angry at all, and yet somehow the unprincipled, terrible, cutting version of Shu Yamino rears its ugly head.

On the way back, he stops by the convenience store and can do nothing but stare dumbly at the second drink he grabbed on instinct, water like steel weighing down his hands. It’s not like he can blame Luca though, can’t blame him, can’t blame this harebrained dating scheme they cooked up, can’t even blame himself. Ever since they first became friends, they were always doing stuff like that, buying drinks and taking care of each other.

He was young and he was wrong. Everything can stay exactly the same and it’ll still find a way to go wrong.

Shu spends the night curled up in his blankets, Saturday tossed carelessly down the drain. He looks out and sees a hint of the stars before screwing his eyes shut, throwing himself back onto his pillows. 

The fact that sleep comes quickly, rushing into his weary frame, is only the smallest of comforts.

-

Things get a little better in the upcoming days, putting personal things aside as they focus on really working together for the sake of the team. A little spat isn’t going to make them suddenly forget about their dreams.

The next day, Shu silently offers him a pack of mango candy as a bit of a truce, the hint of an apology, and although Luca eventually takes it, he does not stay to take their lunch break together. They continue their drills apart, talking only when strictly necessary, and splitting off as soon as the team is dismissed for the night.

In some ways it’s better that way and the days pass exponentially faster without something to look forward to, as if reminding him that there’s only so much time left in the year for frivolous little games of catch. 

Luca pops in for a second with extra blankets and a few snacks, since he has always had an unfortunate tendency for being susceptible to the cold, and leaves them on the floor without a word. He leaves as fast as he came, and Shu does not see any hint of him for the rest of the night.

-

A few days' time and a lot of running do a lot to help clear the mind. By the time school runs around again and the high from scrimmages has worn off, he’s had plenty of time to think about exactly what’s been going on. There are plenty of ways to go about it, though, so Shu resolves to wait and see.

“Shu?” A familiar voice came out as he passed by the gates. “Do you want more time or can we…?”

“Come here,” Shu replies without hesitation, beckoning him over with a sigh. “I was hoping to see you today.”

Whatever remaining tension melts off Luca’s back as he dashes over, slotting himself right beside Shu as they start to walk. Luca’s house comes up sooner than his own, but sometimes he likes to come the whole way regardless.

It’s a bit of a relief too, a hallmark sign that maybe he didn’t screw everything up and there will always be these easy days to fall back on. Their first day back was filled with too many stilted, half-stuttered phrases for his liking. Luca seems so full of words that they threaten to spill over, so when he indicates that he wants so speak, Shu does nothing but let him.

“It was a Saturday, our day,” is what he starts with, plucking some coins from his wallet. Luca picks out two cans of tea, offering Shu the second one since it’s a little warmer. “I should have told you that I had something planned. I just got caught up in the energy and completely blanked on the day, but that’s my fault–”

“It wasn’t,” Shu places a gentle hand on his shoulder, effectively cutting him off. “I wanted you to tell me, but you always go to those mixers when we go to training camps. We both know that. It’s not your fault that I got upset over nothing instead of just talking about it.”

“Yeah, well,” Luca shrugs, peeking down at his eyes. “I shouldn’t have lashed out just because I thought you were… I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“You should have a chance to do what makes you happy,” Shu argues, stubborn. 

Luca smiles like a sparkler, practically ambushing him with the softness of it all. His eyes are so young and carefree and exactly as clear as he hopes they stay for the rest of their lives. He is just so much more open now, confidence and closeness like kindling and fuel.

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. What makes me happy.”

“Good. You deserve that, you know. Happiness.”

“What if,” Luca begins quietly, finally tossing his can into the recycling bin around the corner. He worries for a minute that this is another rehashing of their conversation so long ago, reassurance resting on his lips should he need to use it. “What if I want you to be there? In my version of happiness.”

Maybe it would be easier if he didn’t have to look Luca in the eyes for this, but he does because he is brave and proper and Luca, of all people, deserves a brave and proper response. “Then I’ll definitely be there.”

“You really want to? Even though I’m irresponsible and never out of energy and, and, and I don’t know. I’m just so much.” 

“I wasn't trying to say you're irresponsible,” Shu murmurs, running a finger across his forehead to smooth out the wrinkles. "You're never too much for me."

They kiss. He’s not sure who starts it, but they kiss. 

They kiss and it feels like they’ve earned it, even if they haven’t. It’s like one of those kisses in those novels they’re supposed to deconstruct in literature class and sure, maybe all he knows about kissing comes from those exact novels and this exact moment, but their combined lack of experience doesn’t really matter anymore. It feels like a tv show kind of kiss, something proper and deserved after five freaking seasons and a movie even though they’ve done nothing to actually deserve it.

He’s pretty sure the universe doesn’t go out of its way to reward pretenders, yet here they are.

“Is this really okay?” Shu asks around a laugh, waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

His arms are still wrapped around Luca in an awkward little side hug, unwilling to let him completely pull away. 

“Well, why not?” Luca practically nuzzles into his side. “Who says we can't just be friends who just happen to be dating too?”

“Haven’t we been doing that already?”

“Yeah, well, it turns out that I liked it a lot.”

Shu catches himself grinning, hands clutching Luca’s reddened cheeks as they meet once more. HIs vision is shrouded in light and in Luca, as if the entire universe was rendered to this one little point, and above all, it feels a lot like victory.

“I think I’ll like it even more now that it’s real,” Shu says, entwining their hands together before running home hooting and hollering.

They part reluctantly, Luca’s shoes dragging along the concrete with complete sincerity, but they eventually part nonetheless, excited to do it all over again the very next day.