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Embers: Black & Red

Summary:

Lily's friends would never really understand it if she tried to explain it to them. But in the common room, in the middle of the night, someone gets it. And that's nice, even if he is best friends with that arrogant toe-rag James Potter.

Notes:

tw: verbal abuse/comparison, estranged relationships

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Lily frowned at the letter. It wasn’t like she wanted to attend her sister’s engagement party. Of course, that didn’t mean she wanted to be uninvited. Especially not like this.

She glared at the words on the paper, and contemplated tearing it up. She really wanted to, she just couldn’t quite bring herself to do it. Or she could chuck it in the fire. That would be so satisfying. To watch it burn like that.

But her hands made no motion to do either.

“Come here often, Red?” someone asked. Lily whirled around to face the sound.

“Leave me alone, Black.”

The boy held his hands up, defensively. “It was an honest question.”

“Do I come to the common room often?” Lily repeated.

“The common room and the common room fireplace in the middle of the night are two entirely different locations,” he explained. Lily raised a doubtful eyebrow. “Mentally, at least.” Black walked over to her, without his usual waltz, Lily noticed.

“I said leave me alone.”

Black shrugged. “Sorry, Red. I’m afraid you don’t have a monopoly on the fireplace. Although, out of interest, what brings you here?”

Lily tried to cover the letter with her hand, not that Black was looking at it. “Just...thinking. About family stuff.”

“Speaking of things you don’t have a monopoly on,” he muttered, pulling a letter from his pocket, and turning it over in his hand.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lily asked.

Black shrugged. “I’ve got problems, too, that's all. Just trying to...make conversation.”

“Who said anything about problems?” Lily snapped defensively.

“People don’t think about things in the middle of the night when everything’s going well,” Black observed.

Of course, he was entirely right about this. “Yeah, I guess you have a point.”

Black held his letter out to her. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” he offered, smirking.

“What?” Lily asked, aghast. She nearly reached for it, too, the way one instinctively reaches for something offered to them.

Black pulled it away, quickly. “I was joking.” His tone was guarded.

“Sorry.”

Black shrugged, an air of faux-casualness about him. “It’s whatever.”

They sat for a while in uncomfortable silence. “You can tell me if you want to,” Black offered.

Lily looked at him. “Why would I?”

“Because I’m asking,” he said, “and no one else knows that there’s anything to ask about.”

He was right. He was usually an idiot, but right now he was right.

“My sister just…she uninvited me from her engagement party.”

Sirius sucked in a breath. “Yikes.”

“It’s not a big deal, really, cause there’s no way I’d have been able to make it back for the party. But then I’m kinda thinking, like…” she trailed off.

“Why bother uninviting you, then,” Sirius finished.

“Exactly.”

“Were you two always, like…?”

“No.” Because Lily knew what he was asking. “No, we used to be really close before…before Severus.” She didn’t go into detail. Sev was still a sore topic among the Gryffindors in her year. “And magic. And Hogwarts.”

“Ah,” Sirius said. “She’s jealous.”

“I think so, sometimes,” Lily said. “But then there are times I think she just…she really might genuinely hate it all. Might hate me.” She wiped a tear off her cheek. Merlin, why was she crying in front of Sirius Black?

“Look, I know I don’t know you that well, but from what I do know, it’s…it’s her loss. You’re like, really smart. And you’re kind, to people that aren’t James,” Sirius had a small smile as she said it, so she figured it was okay to laugh. He seemed pleased when she did. “And you’re brave.”

“Says who?” Lily asked.

Sirius shrugged. “You’re in Gryffindor. Gryffindor…is the best house.” He sounded very emphatic. Lily had the odd feeling that Sirius was reminding himself of this fact. “No matter what anyone says,” he muttered. Lily didn’t know if she was supposed to hear that.

“Black?”

“Yeah.”

“Um, you can tell me if you want to,” she offered. “I’m asking.”

“What, this?” he asked, holding up his envelope. It was still sealed–in wax, even. “I don’t even know what it says. I just open them here, instead of at breakfast, with everyone around—I mean, because it saves time. Just burn them right away, y’know?”

He broke the seal, and read the letter. Lily watched his face change, and fill with more disappointment as he read on. “Yeah, it’s…it’s about OWLs. Just like, I better have done well. Did I study enough? And I should be more like Reg.” Sirius shrugged. “My brother,” he added, as an afterthought, as if he’d just remembered Lily was there.

Lily vaguely remembered that Sirius had a brother in Slytherin. He was on the outskirts of Sev and Mulciber’s crew, and didn’t tend to get involved in what they got up to. Whether that was a credit to him, or if it was simply because of age, Lily didn’t know.

“Are you two close?” Lily asked.

Sirius shrugged. “I dunno. We don’t talk at school, really. Sometimes there are good moments at home, but mostly…mostly nothing ever happens between us. We don’t fight, but we’re not…no, we’re not close.”

Lily didn’t have an answer prepared, but after a pause, Sirius just continued.

“I mean, we used to be, of course, cause you can’t grow up in our house without becoming close. But now…now it’s just nothing.” Lily nodded in agreement. That was exactly how things were with her and Petunia. There were occasionally flights, but mostly it was the absence of what it had been. “Whatever,” Sirius said, flicking the letter into the fireplace. “Reg’s annoying, anyways.”

Lily held her letter tighter in her hand, feeling the edges crinkle. “Yeah, Petunia’s…she's so bossy all the time.”. She crumpled the rest of the note, and threw it in before she could take it back. She watched it corrode itself into a pile of ash.

“Black?” She said after a while. He looked up. “Um, if you're ever looking for…someone to annoy you, then…you know where to find me.”

Sirius smiled. “Brilliant. And y’know, Red, if you ever need someone to boss you around…”

Lily nodded. “Will do.”

Notes:

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