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Chichuck is far from good at showing his affection, especially if it’s physical. It’s always been that way, unable to show his emotions properly, Chilchuck found himself barricading himself away from them. Regrettably, it caused a strain within his family. That was his biggest remorse, something he doubts he could fix now and could only hope to not repeat.
When he started dating Laios, that was the first thing he wanted to improve on. Always trying to meet the man’s needs. Laios always needed some kind of validation, and oftentimes, when Chilchuck lacked the words to show how much he cared, he could only prove it with these kinds of gestures he used to hate. Luckily for him, that's Laios’ thing.
Over time, he’d learnt to become more comfortable with physical touch. Unfortunately, when it comes to meeting both their demands, it's a bit hard to put it in practice. Laios loves to be held and coddled, while he prefers to be the one doing the holding.
The man is practically twice as tall as Chilchuck and it's already a hassle. Chilchuck can't even begin to imagine how things would be if he wasn't considered tall for half-foot standards. He can hardly wrap his arms around the man’s torso to pull him into a hug. His only options are either to go for a leg, which he will not accept to settle for, or force Laios to bend down to hold him around the neck. Although they’ve been able to get around these issues, it's still a struggle.
The biggest offender of this would be cuddling. When the idea was first brought up, they had no idea how they could make it work to suit their preferences. Then, Chilchuck thought of something. He wasn't sure if it'd work, but if it did then surely this would satisfy the things they’d both been seeking, whether it was the physical connection Laios craved or the reassurance that came from knowing he was good enough that Chilchuck yearned for. If it didn’t work out, then at least he could quell his curiosity, he always wondered how great of a weighted blanket Laios could make.
“C’mere Laios.” he patted on the bed next to him. In an instant, the man hopped on, making a mess of the bedding as he crawled closer to Chilchuck. He always obeyed without question, or even thinking to question what he’d been asked to do. Laios cocked an eyebrow, unsure of what to do now.
Chilchuck placed two pillows against the bed’s headboard to support his back and head as he leaned back. Then, he beckoned to Laios, who leaned in, face nudging at his hand. As Chilchuck had come to learn, the man demanded as much affection as one could possibly ask for. Even so, he’d never seen him be this affectionate, at least with others.
Finally finding a comfortable position to lay back, Chilchuck brought his two hands to hold at Laios’ face, slowly guiding him to lay his head on his chest. Understanding his idea, Laios awkwardly tried shifting around so that his body would drape over Chilchuck’s without moving his head, clearly refusing to pull away from the touch. Sometimes he thought about the idea that Laios may have been refused love in the past. He wasn't especially touchy with others, but with Chilchuck it felt like he could never get enough. He would often try to drag things on, refusing to let go. He knew how Laios looked up to him in one way or another – seeking Chilchuck’s validation.
He wondered if this was something that’d been deeply rooted within him, a result from his childhood. He wondered if this was something Laios could ever move on from. Chilchuck couldn’t help but think about the what if he’d treated the ones who mattered the most to him like Laios had been.
Heart heavy, he furrowed his brows attempting to stop the unavoidable. Removing one of his hands from Laios’ face to rub at his eyes, he felt the man shift around. In this position, he could look Chilchuck straight in the eyes and of course, that's what he did. Laios pressed most of his head’s weight onto Chilchuck’s chest, the fat of his cheek mostly squashed under the pressure gave him a small pout. There was some comfort brought from the closeness.
He felt crushed, not because of his weight, but because of the look – although unintentional – Laios gave him and also because of the realisation he had. It all made his own heartbeat more apparent to him. Under the light pressure of Laios’ head, he could feel it beating against his ribs.
Laios brought a hand up to his face, tenderly brushing his thumb under his eyes to collect the tears that had formed. For a while, neither of them moved, aside from the occasional rapid heaves coming from Chilchuck that made his chest rise rapidly. The whole time, Laios kept his thumb right below his temple, as if he knew more tears were coming.
And when they didn't, only then did he dare move his hand to finally speak “You alright, Chil?” Chilchuck could see the worry in his face with the way his eyes darted around and the way he licked his lips awaiting an answer. He knew Laios struggled with reacting in these kinds of situations, or how he wanted Chilchuck’s approval, to know he’d done right by not interfering.
“I'm fine.” Chilchuck mumbled, brushing Laios’ hair with his fingers.
“Anything I can do to help?” Laios raised his head, supporting himself up with his forearm. He knew how avoidant with these kinds of things Chilchuck could be, and how weak he could be to his gaze.
“No, just,” He sighed, not quite yet having the words yet, a bitter taste still lingered in his mouth “Just lay back down, you make a surprisingly comfortable weight.” He shifted the topic, hoping to ease his feelings.
“Sure thing,” Laios laughed. “You’re surprisingly warm yourself. You know, I used to not understand why Izutsumi would always sleep in your bed, but I can see why now.”
“I’d pick you over her any day, she holds me like I’m some kind of stuffed toy.” Chilchuck groaned. He kept on stroking the man’s hair as he closed his eyes, there was something comforting about the way things were currently. Neither of them had to say anything to show their endearment, he knew how much Laios cared about him, he really did. That meant Chilchuck didn’t have to face his fears just yet, but when he did, there’d be someone to help him all the way through.