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Lights flashing, music blaring, bodies dancing- that’s when I bumped into her. I spun around to complain - since after hundreds of years of being ran into, complaining is the only thing keeping me sane - but when I actually turned, I couldn’t believe what I saw. Or, in a way, didn't see.
An invisible woman.
Like an actual one, not one I just made up to try and seem popular.
I've always been able to see invisible things, namely myself because I don't know any other invisible people, but it works on invisibility potions too. There's always this weird look to the lighting compared to the visible, and this slight translucentness too. All this to say I immediately recognized that she was just like me, but a hot woman.
It was hard to tell with the flashing colorful lights of the party, the added visual warble of invisibility not helping, but she was cute. Her wavy, light brown hair was just above shoulder length and her face was dotted with freckles. She had sharp features, along with a nice blue dress that seemed to be invisible on her, with a pearl necklace and pair of glasses that naturally were completely visible to anyone.
The invisible marvel took a step closer to me, this big coy smile on her face, and her hand starting to outstretch. Without much thought, courtesy of the ‘adult only punch’, I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the other side of me, holding her hand in the air to prompt a spin. A prompt that she actually took.
It's amazing, nobody ever has been this great of a dance partner with me. Well, besides an inanimate scarecrow that I spent waaay too much time with, but I like to pretend that never happened.
As she was getting out of the spin I pulled her into a dip.
Her smile grew as she chuckled. “A bit forward, don't you think?”
I pulled her out of the dip, but she didn't let go of my hand. “I can be backwards if that's what you want, but that tends to not be a very good thing.”
“No, I like it~” This time, she's the one who pulled me into a spin. “I'm Crystal by the way.” To continue the mirror, she made me dip into her arms too.
Blood was rushing to my face, I can't remember the last time I was this close to another person, let alone a woman. Even tipsy on punch, I didn’t expect it to go this well. My glasses were crooked from the spin, and I'm sure my face had the stupidest smile. Oh devil I probably look like such a dork. Actually being able to be seen can be such a double-edge sword. “I-I’m Griffin.”
It felt like I was in the dip for eternity, so I stumbled out of it myself without waiting for her to undo it herself. I laugh nervously, it’s a really bad habit of mine that I can’t get rid of for the life of me. “Maaybe a five year old’s birthday party a few hours after said five year old was kidnapped, almost killed, and probably traumatized isn’t the best place to get to know each other better.”
“If you put it like that, yeah no kidding. But hey, do you have a phone?”
“Of course I do, what do I look like, a fossil?”
Crystal smiled and pulled a sharpie from her pocket. She held my hand as she opened it. “Mind if I give you my number? I’ve never met anybody else invisible, I have so many questions. And sooo many complaints that nobody else gets. Like come on, visible people are just so insensitive.”
“Not at all, go for it. Today’s for my nephew, but every other day of the year I have literally nothing better to do besides complain about visible people. I don’t have a life.” Why did I say that?
She laughed and started to write down a number. At least she thought I was joking. Thank you to my ever-constant sarcastic sounding voice for once. “Sounds great. I just came here to see if a ‘Dracula Party' is as good as they all say, but wish your nephew a Happy Birthday for me. I know there's nothing five year olds love more than getting birthday wishes from complete strangers.” Sounds like she's sarcastic too. What a match made in Hell we are.
Immediately after she let go of my hand I looked at the number she wrote. It looked real at least. It also looked like a French area code, which explains why I've never seen her before. I have nothing against long distance, especially since the advent of modern technology. I mean, Murray lives all the way in Egypt and we still made our friendship work even without cell phones, so would a relationship be all that different?
Then again, I've only had like five whole dates before in my hundreds of years of life, and I think that might be showing.
With one more smile exchange I put her number into my phone and texted her so we’d have each other’s contact. Before I could say anything else, spot lights started shining on the big cake, and Count Control-Freak would kill me if I didn't drop everything to go watch his grandson blow out a candle. “I gotta go, but see ya around~”
“I never thought I’d find someone who can actually say that and mean it. I’ll see ya too~”
We parted ways, but not for long. Today was Dennis’s day, but tomorrow I can actually try to get my invisible girlfriend to stop being imaginary.
I stood in the Hotel’s lobby, staring at the revolving doors. Any minute now Crystal would walk through that door - and it was exhilarating~ I haven't physically seen her since Dennis’s birthday a little over two months ago, but via text, call, facetime, and all that jazz we’ve had more dates together than I’ve had with all my previous partners combined. I mean, that’s supposed to sound impressive, but it probably just makes my previous dating life look even more pathetic. Oh well.
I’ve learned that Crystal’s an artist - she adores painting and even painted me something. It’s a picture of me, which, for obvious reasons, is the only visible representation of what I look like. I liked it so much I immediately got a digital copy of it printed out and put in my wallet. Is it narcissistic to keep a picture of myself in my wallet and none of the other paintings she’s sent me? Yes, but-... I don’t really have a good excuse. Regardless, her art is amazing! The colors and shapes are well used, and she obviously pours her soul into her work. I, on the other hand, can barely draw a stick figure.
And she's a fantastic make up artist. Apparently, before humans and monsters co-existing was all the possible, she used to put on make up to the point where she seemed like a completely visible human and nobody batted an eye. To the point where she’s had a human job and everything for the past 100 years. I would be shocked that humans never questioned why she always wore loads of makeup and never seemed to age, but I know about systemic sexism as much as the next guy, and am well aware they essentially expect human women to somehow actually do that.
She’s also super smart. Crystal got a monsterate degree in psychology, which would look great next to my monsterate in Chemistry. We’ve talked for hours and hours about such fun things like the ethics of lab rats or the most effective ways to lobotomise people. Those conversations definitely sounded more like a morally questionable college debate class trying their hardest to get an A rather than an actual date, but man were those dates great. In fact most of our dates on paper wouldn't sound like dates, but I'm not complaining. My friends would be bored to tears If I ever tried to talk to them about anything I talk to Crystal about.
We both know French too, so sometimes we talk to each other in the language of love. With an immortal lifespan, yet no substantial life to live, I’ve learned to be fluent in like nine different languages, eleven if you count ASL and LSR, and I’m glad to finally actually be able to use at least one of the languages I learned.
I also figured out that Crystal honestly couldn’t care less about novels like ‘The Time Machine’ or ‘The War of the Worlds’, but she listens to me ramble about them anyway. And she doesn’t tell me to shut up like everyone else does.
Most important though, I learned that I’m finally not alone. You don’t know how amazing it is to know that there’s a single other person on this big rock that understands what it feels like to constantly be poked and bumped, or constantly looked over, treated like you're literally nonexistent, or any of the constant nonsense I have to deal with that nobody else in my life takes seriously.
We’re just perfect for each other~
And now she’s back in Transylvania for a whole week, and staying in Drac’s hotel too. Perhaps for even longer if I play my cards right.
I was so busy watching the door I didn’t even notice three monsters approaching me.
“Griffin, there you are~” Frank cooed. The sudden voice definitely startled me, like a lot, but it’s not like they could see that, so I pretended like I’m a totally brave and cool guy. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you!”
Murray smiled. “Yeah, we need a fourth for our team. They’re starting a monster bowling competition downstairs, and Drac’s too busy planning the Spikefish wedding to help us destroy the competition.”
“If you play with us, I promise we won’t razz you for using the balls from the children’s section again,” Wayne added.
That actually did sound kind of fun, but spending time with them instead of my girlfriend is a hard pass. “As much as I love bare handedly knocking over pins and pretending that my ball totally did it, I can’t. Crystal’s coming to Transylvania today~”
I watched all three of my friends’ faces fall in utter disappointment.
“You know, it’s a lot less insulting if you just say you're not interested,” Wayne mumbled.
“Is she the one from “““Canada””” or the one from “““the Philippines?”””” Frank asked mockingly. I know he’s trying to call me a liar, but the way he says that it sounds kinda like he genuinely doesn’t know that those are real country names.
I smile big enough for my glasses to show it. I could insist that Crystal’s really real, but not directly addressing the passive aggression and instead responding with even more passive aggression is more exciting. “France, actually.”
“Come on man, bowling will be fun. “Crystal” can even watch you play and cheer you on if you want,” Murray said.
Shrugging, I went back to staring at the door. “I mean, I’ll ask her, but if she wants to do literally anything else you guys are on your own. It’s not up to me what Crystal does or doesn’t want to do.”
Wayne crossed his arms, rolling his eyes. “You can really be the worst sometimes…”
“Uh huh, I know.”
They were about to leave, probably to go find Blobby I would assume, when just in a nick of time the door started spirally open and through it came exactly who I was waiting for. “Griffin!~” She exclaimed. She let go of her luggage and started heading towards me, arms outstretched for a hug.
I did the same, but towards her. “Heyy, Crystal! We were just talking about you~”
Mine and her arms locked, making this our first ever non-virtual hug. I probably should have been more preoccupied with finally being with my girlfriend in person after months, but I just couldn’t help imagining the looks of sheer shock and bafflement my friends must have had on their faces.
Once we got out of the hug, I wasn’t surprised at all to see their three jaws practically on the floor. I gestured to them one at a time. “This is Wayne, Frank, and Murray - the friends I told you about.”
“Woow, great to finally have faces to go with the names.” She obviously knew what they looked like, I’ve sent her pictures. Not to mention, they’re some of the most popular monsters in the world. I can’t believe how casually sarcastic she is, it’s so amazing.
It took a few seconds of blank staring before anyone said anything. Eventually Murray broke the silence. “Uuh, Grif? Can we talk to you a second? Alone?”
“Well that’s gotta be the worst way to introduce yourself to someone new,” I said.
“It’s fine, Honey. You guys can talk for a bit and I’ll go check in and unpack. I’ll text you when I’m done, kay?”
I did a small salute in agreement. “You’ve got it.” With that, she left to grab her bag and check into her room.
I turned to my friends as if I didn’t know exactly what was going through all their minds at the moment. “So, you wanted to talk?”
“What the actual heaven, Griffin, she was real!?!” Murray exclaimed.
“Why did you never tell us!?” Frank questioned.
“I did tell you guys. Multiple times.”
“Why did you never prove that she was real!?” Frank asked.
“Because you guys were the ones accusing me of lying, and the burden of proof falls on the prosecution. Who am I to disobey the rules of the US legal system just because I live in Transylvania and am not a lawyer in the slightest.”
Wayne sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyment. “Let me get something straight: you willingly say lame nonsense like that and still somehow got an actual girlfriend?”
“Yeah, I’m as baffled as you are about that.”
“How long have you two been, you know?” Murray asked.
They really ignored everything I told them about Crystal, huh? Guess that's what happens when your a boy crying wolf. “We met at Dennis’s birthday and started officially dating like two weeks later after talking a bit.”
“Wait, but that was months ago,” Wayne said.
“Uh huh. And I’ve been telling you guys about Crystal for months. I don’t see the issue here.”
Frank’s eyes shone in a sudden realization. “Hold on-” He stepped towards me in excitement. “Did you guys Zing!?”
“Zing?...” I honestly never thought about that. Did we zing?
We were definitely interested in each other at first sight, but that’s just because we were both the first invisible person the other ever saw, right? Or maybe it was a zing. How am I supposed to know what a zing feels like if I’ve never had one before? But then again, everybody else I know can say immediately and confidently if they felt a zing, and it infamously only happens once so it's not like they had any prior experience either.
But if it’s not a zing, am I just wasting my time? This is by far the longest I’ve ever dated someone, what if we end up dating for years and years then I see my actual zing, do we just break up? Act like this whole relationship didn’t happen?
If I didn’t zing with Crystal, who could I possibly ever zing with? I’m 350 years old, and she’s the first person that I feel like I could just sit and talk to for hours and hours. Is there really somebody else on this planet that can make me feel the same?
My eyes flicker between my three friends. All three of them zinged with someone, Drac too, hell even Mavis. Sure, Murray and Drac’s zings are… you know… but that doesn’t change the fact that they’ve zinged, and I’m the only one of us that hasn’t. And yes, I’m also on the younger side of all of us, but still.
She has to be my zing, there’s no doubt about it. Right? Right!? If she’s not, then I’m just wasting my time and will never actually find my actual zing for as long as I immortally live, and that cannot be the case. We totally zinged, I can feel it in my bones. No doubt about it.
“Of course we zinged. I told you guys that months ago too, and you just ignored me.” Gaslighting, my favorite.
The other two began matching Frank’s excitement. It was suddenly a cacophony of “No way, you actually zinged?!” “That’s amazing!” “Oh my devil, congratulations!” “I’m so sorry I doubted you!” “Do you guys have any plans for kids?” “When do you think the wedding will be?” “Can I be best man?”
I couldn’t help but have this growing feeling of my guts twisting as they asked more and more questions. The more they talked about me and Crystal’s future, the worse it felt. “Bzrt-” I made a fake notification noise, then pulled out my phone. “Oh, look at that Crystal is texting me. Gotta go, I need some just me and my zing time, zinging it up, without anyone else, totally cool and fun and awesome and romantic, have fun bowling, don’t look for us, bye!” I ran to the elevator before they could question me further. Gosh, I’m so smooth.
I don’t know why I’m acting so weird. I just need to stop worrying so much about all that zing business and enjoy my time with my very real very awesome very perfect girlfriend.
The TV was playing some animated movie about these humans in arabia and they’re watching fireworks. I don’t know, it autoplayed after Shark Tale. Which, for the record, we were both watching 100% ironically. It was my first time watching it, but Crystal was right, it was so fun to tear into the uncanny Will Smith fish and his self-caused plights.
It was a fun day of touring the hotel, secretly messing with the bowling competition contestants, I introduced her to the undead version of her favorite neurologist, and so much more. It was amazing. Now, it was getting early, so we went back to her hotel room. We cuddled after the movie, talking about just about anything.
I could tell how tired she was by now, but I wasn’t tired at all. Looks like centuries of having a totally messed up sleep schedule actually affects things sometimes.
“Today was great honey,” she mumbled, sounding only half awake.
My arm wrapped around hers until our fingers interlocked. “Not as great as you are~”
Crystal smiled. “I love you.”
That took me by surprise. She loves me? Like actually? I know we’ve been dating for a while now, but is this going too fast? Or if she’s my zing, is it not going fast enough?
My arm unwrapped from hers. It’s weird, the last time someone told me that they loved me I was 16. Seeing how I’m over twenty times that age now, it just sounds odd. And it was my parents who told me it, so not a great thing to be comparing my girlfriend to. Plus they were killed like a day later, so definitely not what I should be thinking about any way I slice it.
She loves me. Like actually factually loves me. Unless she's just saying random things while half awake.
No, we zinged, we're supposed to love each other. We kinda have to. That’s what’s great about having a zing- they’re always there for you, no matter what stupid thing you do or say or how pathetic you really are. And you're always there for them too. Always put before anything else. Two monsters, together forever and ever - literally. It sounds a bit terrifying put like that, but the alternative is so much worse.
“I love you too.” I haven't said that to anyone since my parents either. I need to stop thinking about them, I don’t want Zombie Freud to psychically hear it somehow and start to psychoanalyze me or something. “Hey, wanna watch another movie?” Actually talking to someone and doing something makes me stop overthinking everything.
I picked up the remote right as the magic carpet made the two animated characters kiss. The music swelled. Crazy huh. Regardless I started flicking through the channels to find a better movie to mercilessly pick apart.
“Mm… Tomorrow…” she really did sound barely conscious.
I laugh slightly and turn the TV off. “Right, probably for the best. I’ll go back to my room now.”
She gave me an energy-devoid thumbs up, so I jumped off her bed.
Reaching for the door, I hesitate, and look back at her. “Um… Do you want a kiss goodnight?”
“Whatever you want hun.”
I stare at her a second, then leave without doing anything. God, why’d I do that? Lucky me, I have something to think about obsessively instead of sleeping.
But it doesn’t matter - she loves me. We’re in love. If I were in that animated movie the music would be swelling like crazy.
Yet it was dead silent as I walked through the hall to my room.
“So, how was your date? I want all the details!” Frank said.
Murray winked at me. “Well, maybe not all the details~” Gross.
Crystal was talking to her friends over the phone right now, so I got dragged into talking to mine. Drac not withstanding - he’s still wedding planning. Mavis and Johnny too.
“But seriously, this was your first time meeting her in person after like months, right?” Wayne asked. I nodded. “Then yesterday was your first time actually hugging, kissing, and- well you know what. How was that?”
“It was cool. Not to brag, but we did it-a three times last night~” I held up three fingers, as invisible as they are, and rolled the r in three and everything.
“Geez man, really?” Murray asked.
I nodded. I love lying through my teeth like a 350 year old virgin. What a totally normal hobby for me to have. Although it's not exactly a lie, we hugged three times, it's not my fault that they have dirty minds.
“What rooms are you two staying in again?” Wayne asked. “I need to tell Drac to burn those sheets next chance he gets”
I rolled my eyes. “Ha ha, very funny.”
“But seriously, isn’t it amazing~” Frank cooed. He looked off in the distance. “I remember my first time hugging Eunice. It was so wonderful~ It felt like I had literal butterflies in my stomach, like thousands of them, and I never wanted to let her go.” Yikes, that was a bit different from my first hug with Crystal. Butterflies sounds sweeter than ‘thinking about how mortified my friends are now that they know I'm not lying’
“Yeah. Being with a zing is really something else. There’s fireworks~” Murray added. He rarely talks about his zing, for understandable reasons, but still. They’re all so invested in my love life all of a sudden, they used to rarely ever talk about romance with me. Granted, that might have been because all I could add to the conversation was made up nonsense about a nonexistent girlfriend.
Wayne nodded in agreement.
I laughed nervously - I still hate when I do that. “Hahaha, yeahh. It’s like you’ve never felt happiness before in your life until you met your zing.”
“That’s kind of a depressing way to put it, but sure,” Wayne agreed.
It is depressing, isn’t it? Crystal's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Does that mean she’s amazing, or the rest of my life was just that terrible?
Murray tried to nudge me, but he missed and just nudged the air, which didn’t phase him at all; he's used to it by now. “Yo Grif, have you taken her to the roof yet?”
“No, not yet.”
“Oh, you should go now, I think sunset is coming up soon,” Frank added.
Ever since people found out Johnny took Mavis to see the sunrise on the hotel roof, and that she finally confessed it was a zing from the same roof, there’s been a superstition that the roof buzzes with romantic energy. Now Drac has it so you have to reserve a timeslot to go to the spot where monster-human relation history was made.
I didn’t even think about taking Crystal there, but it really is beautiful. Just us in the open air, it’d be kinda like that movie with the magic carpet I only half watched. A neat perk of being the hotel owner’s best friend, and said hotel owner is too distracted to care about the blatant rule breaking, is that I can just do things without a reservation. What are the staff gonna do, tell me no? They would never. Maybe it’d be a perfect place to actually kiss her.
Yesterday, the failed kiss goodnight was an embarrassment, but it was probably destiny that made me just kinda awkwardly walk away. Of course my first kiss wasn’t going to be with a half asleep partner after watching a human made creepy CGI fish movie of all things. No, it had to be perfect. A kiss in newly dusk moonlight right after watching the sun set on a summer day. A scene so perfect, romance authors would steal imagery from it for ages.
The thought made me feel honestly a bit nervous. I don’t know why. I guess that’s just the butterflies they mentioned.
Suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder that made me literally jump. Not only was I lost in thought and distracted, but being touched with such intent like that was kind of naturally terrifying in general. I don’t know how long it’ll be until I get used to that.
But just as I thought, the shoulder tapper was Crystal. She smiled at my jumpy reaction. “Woah, looks like someone’s real happy to see me~”
“Hah, of course I am. Sorry guys, gotta go.” Without even giving my friend’s a chance to respond, I take Crystal’s hand and start running away with her. A perfect scene was waiting for us, and the window of sunsetting perfection was fading by the second.
She happily ran beside me. “Ooo, where are we going?”
“You’ll see~”
After a brief talk with a zombie staff member, and slipping him a 20 for good measure, I was able to get a last second go ahead for getting onto the roof right as the sun was so close to the horizon line.
A cool breeze blew as the two of us watched the sky melt in shades of red and orange. The clouds were drifting over us, glowing in an array of colors courtesy of the sun. Our glasses both reflected the scene before us, wo did the shifting water all around us. It was perfect, which meant our first big romantic act will be too.
“Wow… It’s beautiful~” She cooed.
“Not as beautiful as you. Speaking of, I know you were half asleep, but do you remember last night?”
“When we said I love you to each other? Of course I do, I wasn’t that tired. I meant everything I said you know.” She took a step closer and held my hand. “Or do you mean afterwards when you asked for a kiss and then just up and left?”
I could feel my face warm, but try to ignore it. I shouldn’t feel like that just because I skipped out on a kiss, I was just waiting for right here, right now. “The second one. I ‘up and left’ because I decided that if we did it, it had to be perfect.”
“Ah.” She took another step closer. Her face was so close to mine. Why did we have to be so close to the same height? I could feel my heart beating faster and my face getting warmer. I wanted to step away from her, but didn’t. Funny how my anticipation felt so much like dread. “Perfect as in standing in the light of a setting sun, so far above the rest world?”
“Y-yeah.”
“That does sound perfect.”
It was now or never. I can’t back out now, that’d be the lamest thing ever. Even a zing would be so disappointed in the display she’d somehow unzing. Desperately wanting to run away was natural, right? You just have to take a deep breath and go for it. Which I did.
We both moved our heads closer until our lips locked.
My heart was racing, it was like I could barely breathe. I didn’t know when they say ‘she’ll take your breath away’ would be so literal and lung burning. My stomach was squeezing and turning inside out - I felt so nauseous. This is still the butterflies, right? Wasps feels more like it, but whatever. My ears were ringing and my whole body was burning. Just like if a firework got shot at me, this is normal. This is what love’s supposed to feel like. It was so painful, but just temporarily, euphoria will come any second now. They never say how overwhelming love feels suspiciously similar to overwhelming guilt.
Physically, I expected the act to somehow feel different than it does when I kiss my hand and call that Emily, but it felt the same. Equally as flat and numb. But that’s how it’s supposed to feel. Kissing your love is like kissing air, that’s what they say, right? It has to be!
We pulled away from each other. Her expression was so blank as she tilted her head at me. “Was that your first kiss?”
“No, I-I’ve had, like hundreds.” The breathlessness and wasps and fire were getting worse. I know I’m a liar, but it doesn’t matter, she loves me. I’m in love.
Crystal smiled slightly at me, then looked at the shillings of the roof. What was she thinking? It has to be the same thing as me. Soul mates have like a psychic link or something. She must feel as overwhelmingly in painfully pure and utter love as I do! “Griffin, if this is the direction our relationship is going, there’s something I need to say to you. Promise you’ll hear me out?”
I shook my head as a smile grew on my face. We’re so in sync and in love, I know exactly where this is going. The searing pain was getting worse, but she was going to do the one thing that would solve it. What a genius she is, but I’m an even bigger one, Sherlock Holmesing it and solving the case before it ever even reached my desk. They don’t call me the smartest monster around for nothing. I mean, they don’t call me the smartest monster around, period, but they should, because I am. “You don’t have to say anything, I already know.”
“You do?”
“Mhm!” I fell down on one knee, the sun falling behind me, and looked up at her. “I know I don’t have a ring, this is all so sudden, but will you marry me?”
Crystal stared at me. What was that emotion- bewilderment? Confusion? No matter what she didn’t seem as prepared as I imagined. “Woah, don’t you think it’s way too early for that?”
“Who cares - we’re zings! If we’re destined for each other, we can go as fast as we want~ Let's buy a house and have beautiful, smart, invisible kids together!”
“What?”
I got up from the floor and held her hands. I still felt like I was going to puke but the second she says yes then all these swarming romantic feelings will release and stop hurting so much. “A zing is this thing that monsters have when they lock eyes for the first time. It’s like-”
“I know what a zing is,” she interrupted. Her hands pulled away from mine. Cold shadows started surrounding us as the sun fell faster. “And Griffin, we didn’t zing.” Why would she say that? What was she doing?
“Yes we did, I know we did, we’re just too perfect for each other to have not to! It only happens once so maybe you just-”
She cut me off again. She usually listens to me, that’s like one of my favorite things about her. Why is everything crumbling apart, proposals are supposed to strengthen things! “Griffin! We. didn’t. Zing.”
“How do you know?”
“Because,” she sighed, “because I’ve already zinged with someone else.”
Everything froze. From rapid speeds to a standstill within milliseconds. The clouds, the breeze, all of it stopped moving. The sun was below the horizon line by now, making the bright reds and oranges of the sky dull into cold and dark blues. I’m sure my smile fell by this point but I couldn’t feel it, I couldn’t feel anything.
It was so, so quiet. I don’t remember it always being this quiet.
“W-what?” I must have misheard her or something.
“About 150 years ago, I met this girl, Jade, and we zinged. She was a human, I was a monster, it was the 1860s, and I don’t even have a fraction of the societal power that Dracula’s daughter has, so needless to say our zing was incredibly taboo from all sides. As humans do, she got old and passed away, and I moved on like she wanted me to, but I will never forget what a zing feels like. I genuinely do love you, but it’s not a zing. Rushing to get married won’t change that.”
I blinked. All I could do was replay what she just said over and over again in my mind. “... w-when were you going to tell me?”
“Literally three minutes ago, but you proposed before I could.”
“... But… but we… w-we…” I don't even know what I was trying to say. If she zinged before, that not only means that I didn't zing, but it also means literally everyone I know besides the literal children zinged long before I ever could. Everyone’s got this whole love thing figured out - everyone but me.
I guess I’ll just never zing in my life. Ever. I'm going to die alone. Makes sense, I've always been alone, no matter how many people are around, so why would the universe ever decide to change that? Everyone else overlooks and forgets about me, so why wouldn't the non-existent zing gods?
I looked at the floor, then at her. “Did you lie about anything else?...”
“I never lied.” She was just so calm and patient, while I'm just so not. “I was just waiting for a good moment to bring it up. No offense, but I assumed you'd probably panic a bit when I told you.” Who knew my spiraling mental health was that predictable.
“How can you say you love me then?”
“People can fall in love outside of their zing. You said you loved me too, and you didn't zing either.”
“I only said it because I thought we zinged.”
“... You what?” Fuck, I shouldn't of said that.
“That came out wrong, I-I just… you said it first and…”
“Did you actually love me? Do you just love the idea of having a girlfriend instead?” the way she asked that didn't sound pointed or angry, just genuinely curious.
I have to have loved her, she’s the only person I’ve been on more than two dates with, the only person I ever genuinely felt comfortable opening up to about invisible issues, she makes me feel seen. But do I love her, or do I just love attention? I don’t think normal people feel this nauseous after kissing people they love. Did I really just love the idea that she’d never leave me? If that’s the case that’d be so pathetic. “I’m so sorry…” Why did I say that, that's the worst response I could have given to those questions!
“Yeah, I know. It's okay.”
I held my hand out to her. It was shaking, but I ignored that. “We can still make it work, right?”
She didn’t take my hand. “I think we should just be friends. For both our sakes.”
“No, wait!” I got off of my one knee. “Don’t break up with me, we can just pretend today didn’t happen and everything will be great and go back to normal. Please?”
“You can’t just ignore things you don’t like thinking about.”
“No, I can. And I can do it amazingly. At least most of the time.”
“I meant you shouldn’t. Do you even like doing intimate things with me?”
“...I…” My tongue was too tied by that question to answer.
“Griffin, I can’t be in a romantic relationship with someone who I know will never genuinely want to do anything romantic. I can be in a platonic one though.” She needs to stop making good points. “I'd still love you… just platonically.” How is that even supposed to work?
My vision started blurring, so I blinked rapidly and tried to swallow away the lump in my throat. I can't start crying in front of her, that would be terrible. Unlike most people, she’d actually see it. She’d see what a mess I am. “What are you talking about? I love romance. I proposed and tried to have kids and everything! I’m too romantic, that’s the problem.”
Crystal sighed. “You already admitted that you only said ‘I love you’ because you felt like you had to. Why wouldn’t your proposal be for the same reason?”
“Well, I can learn to be more romantic then. I’ll get used to it. You can fix me-”
“Griffin-” She held my hand. Nobody can ever do that without fumbling. Nobody will ever be this perfect again but it's all falling apart. “Relationships shouldn’t be a chore for either of us. You don’t need ‘fixing’, but even if you did, you can’t make that my responsibility. I’m not your therapist, and you're not my romance puppet. Okay?”
“Well yeah but-”
“That should be the end of the sentence.” She let go of me again. The air felt so cold and hollow without something in my hand. I end up holding my own hand to make it stop shaking, but it's not the same. “Listen, I know you probably have a lot to process right now. I can be with you if you want or I can leave you to think things through on your own, it's up to you, but either way, at most we're just going to be friends.”
“No, I-” I cut myself off, my hands holding each other tighter. This arguing I keep doing is just making everything worse.
If I were to actually look at the person I'm talking to I'd probably notice that she's much redder than she should be, very manually breathing, and blinking way more than normal too. If I were smart I'd realize that she was the one who genuinely loves me - even if she's the one doing the break up it's probably even worse for her. I was the one lying and emotionally cheating on her with a concept. If I weren't a terrible person I'd be doing something about that.
Yet she's the one not panicking on the roof of a hotel. She's so patient and mature, why am I not? Instead I'm stupid and selfish and literally insane. What I'd give to be normal, then we could be together happily and I wouldn't be messing everything up.
I hate how she can see me, everything is simpler when I'm invisible, when they can't see me they can't call me out on my lies and watch me lose control of everything. If she couldn't see me she couldn't have been tricked into falling in love in the first place. I hate everything! Why can't I just be nonexistent like an invisible man is supposed to be?
“Yeah, I think some time apart might be what we both need… I'll go back to my room. I-I'm sorry I ruined your vacation to Transylvania.” My voice was way calmer than my thoughts. It's a good thing we're ending it now before she actually figures out how crazy I am. What a messed up guy I am. This was inevitable, the real question is how did I not shatter our relationship sooner.
“Hey, don't be, you didn't ruin it. I'll still be around for the next four days, so text me if you need me, alright?”
“Yeah, okay. And vice versa too, I won't be busy, so if you ever need me just ask. A-as a… friend…”
She nodded. “I will. Thank you Griffin, for everything.”
“Really, don't mention it… do you want one last hug, for closure sake?”
“Yeah, I'd love that.”
And so we did. I was hoping that something would click and finally this hug will spark something and make me actually fall in love. It was literally now or never.
But I still didn't feel anything.
All I could think of as we hugged was how am I going to explain this to my friends? They thought we zinged. You can't just break up with a zing. They'll either think I'm a pathetic liar, which I am but I don't want them to know that, or I could pathetically lie more and never let them know the truth. What's one more thing to keep me up daily that I take to my nonexistent grave.
We get out of the hug and she smiles at me melancholically. “Goodbye… see you around?” She asked.
Least I could do was return the favor with a forced smile. “Yeah, see ya around Crystal.”
With that we both turned around and went our separate ways. The second I got back to my hotel room, I took my foggy glasses off and fell onto the bed, burying my face in the pillow. Something nice about the hotel is that it's built with noise isolation in mind, so I could scream into my ever dampening pillow for hours and nobody but the shrunken head would be none the wiser.
If you would have asked me months ago, or even weeks ago, I would have never in a million years guessed that this is how my relationship with Crystal would turn out. What a crazy life. Can’t say I love it much at all.
With a deep breath, I force down any hesitation and knock on the wooden door in front of me.
“Who is it?”
“Griffin.”
Silence.
It’s been four days since the break up, today was supposed to be mine and Crystal’s last day together before the whole… everything… happened. A part of me was terrified, but that part of me is always so annoying.
Sure, I more or less single handedly stupidly ruined everything, but despite how I act sometimes, I’m not a child. I’m an adult, and that means having to actually honestly face an obstacle head on for once instead of just trying to lie, deny, connive, and weasel my way around it. Even if it sucks.
Suddenly the door opened, breaking the silence. Crystal stood in the doorway, staring at me. She was all dressed up, with pearls and everything, it looked like she was going somewhere. “Oh, sorry, is it a bad time?”
She shook her head. “No, it’s fine. What’s up?”
“I wanted to tell you I really am sorry. You were right, about everything really. If you still want to be very-non-romantic friends with each other, I’d like to do that too.
Her green eyes shined as she looked deeply into mine. After a second, she smiled. “Yeah, I’d love that.”
“Cool~” Honestly this went way better than I thought it would. I prepared for the literal worst. Who would have ever guessed that days of overthinking would have gone to absolute waste? “So, now that we’re friends, do you wanna hang out with me and the guys?”
“No thanks. I mean, they seem great but, no offense, from everything I’ve heard your friends sound like 40 year old frat bros and I’d just rather not.”
I chuckled slightly at that. “Yeahhh, none taken, that’s exactly what they are.” It was shockingly easy to slip back into the causal tone that we had before the break up. It was like nothing even changed, besides that we don’t call each other boyfriend and girlfriend anymore, and I don’t have all these expectations anymore.
She started walking out of the hotel room, adjusting her pearl necklace. WIth a nod, she motioned me to come with her, so I did.
It’s funny, she’s wearing this bright yellow dress covered with intricate flower patterns that looked amazing, but the whole thing was a material that she was turning invisible by wearing. It’s not like she knew I was coming over, so Crystal likes dressing so extravagantly just for herself. She smiled at me. “Hey, I think I actually got to know your friend’s wives. Wanda, Eunice, and Lucy right?”
“Lucy? The spikefish monster? No, Murray would never. But yeah, the other two are Wayne and Frank’s wives.”
“Well, if we’re not hanging out with your guys, you can hang out with me and the girls~”
Dang. How can I say ‘I’d rather play in traffic’ without coming off rude? Not that I don’t like my friends’ wives, it’s just that spending time with them one on one would be so weird. And also, I lied, it is that I don’t like my friend’s wife - Eunice specifically.
“Yeah, no. Your new friends are kinda…”
“The female versions of 40 year old frat bros? I know, I was just messing with ya~” of course she was. “But maybe the eight of us can all hang out together sometime though, have the two halves cancel each other out.”
I nodded. “Yeah, that sounds fun. Oh, but first, I kinda sorta told my friends that we zinged, sooooo…”
“So you want me to help you tell them the truth?”
“Well, about that…”
Her magic glasses sloped down as she gave me a twisted grin. “You want me to help you pull off an over-elaborate barely believable lie that confuses them so much they just decide it’s best to never bring any of this up again?”
She’s so beautiful when she smiles like that. Even as messed up as my brain is, at least I can still know that. “Hah, you know me too well~”
“Fine, I’ll help you with that just this once.”
So that’s what we did. Together we came up with this great plan to easily explain why I clearly said Crystal and I zinged when we very much didn’t. Obviously, my totally real invisible ex-girlfriend Emily practiced mimicking my voice. Then she came here all the way from Canada to use that impression to tell my friends that I zinged as a petty revenge tactic that doubled as a jealousy ploy to try and win me back.
Crystal and I then came up with this huge performance to sell the story. I’d be explaining the situation to my friends when Crystal comes in not wearing her glasses, but holding a wine bottle or something so my friends can clearly see that Emily is ‘real’. I’ll voice Emily with an easy voice throwing trick and make us start fighting. Crystal drops the bottle as me and ‘Emily’ start to ‘fight’. While I flail around like someone trying to escape a crazy ex, Crystal goes off and gets her glasses, so she, now playing herself, can come and help me fight off ‘Emily’. There’s this awesome stunt we started choreographing where we’d both take off our glass and hold them out with one hand, and then use our free hands to interact with visible objects as if we’re Emily, so the ‘three’ of us can be in the same room at the same time. It’d end with the two of us standing triumphant while Emily runs away vowing revenge. It’ll be the most extraordinary battle that the guys ever saw, despite it being only like 5% visible.
What a simple plan. And a perfect one too.
As we pulled off a flawless practice run, Crystal gave me that beautiful grin again. “Let’s go melt some boys’ minds.”
I return the grin. “Yeah, let’s~”
I should really stop over thinking things, love isn’t that complicated. While the two of us skip off like gremlins, eager to enact our plan, I couldn’t help but think maybe this is somehow what love is.
Like, it’s different from what everyone says, there’s no music swells or fireworks or anything, it’s just this little, quiet, invisible thing. It doesn’t even need something as small as hand holding, all you need to do is look at them and think ‘man, my life would be a lot worse if you weren’t in it’. I mean, by that definition, that’d mean that I love Drac, Murray, Frank, Wayne, and all of them too, which I guess isn’t wrong. Not that I'd ever tell any of them that though.