Work Text:
The wind was a quiet whisper blowing in Shen Wei’s hair. The fresh smell of the mountain air, the cool water that permeated the place and the lush green trees above reached the senses, alluding to an untouched world. It was a memory, and nothing beyond. Or that was what he believed for a moment.
A vivid memory immortalized by his hands in one of his paintings, of a place among many he had been to with Kunlun when he was really young. Now it was made of paper, elegant brushstrokes and ink that never faded, as the perfection of the artist's lasting memory.
The day Shen Wei had placed that painting on the wall of the living room, Zhao Yunlan had spent some time just observing it. In ten years, he still hadn’t seen all the paintings Shen Wei still had out of all the paintings he had painted over millennia. Many of his landscapes, fishes, birds, and flowers had been lost over time. The only paintings that Shen Wei had cared for with the same devotion he had cared for the person who had inspired them were those depicting Kunlun.
For days, Zhao Yunlan would return to where that specific landscape was and spend some time observing it. Shen Wei wondered what was wrong with that painting, but did not voice his questions. Eventually, his husband would say something about it. It wasn't as if Zhao Yunlan knew how to remain silent for long.
But as he paused once more in front of the painting, there was a certain nostalgia tinged with resignation in his gaze. "The last time we passed this waterfall, I already knew that I would not see my little beauty become a great beauty..." That melancholy, however, was not what Shen Wei was expecting.
That same day, he decided to remove the painting from the wall. If it made Zhao Yunlan sad, then it had no reason to be there. If Shen Wei were still the same as before, the painting would have been torn to shreds. Instead, he simply sat down on the armchair and began rolling the painting back up. His long braid fell over his shoulder as he bent down slightly to handle the piece carefully.
He was almost finished when his husband came back into the living room from the garden, where he had been spending time trying not to use his powers, dirt on his handprints all over his apron. "Xiao Wei, I was thinking- Eh, what are you doing?"
Shen Wei stopped his task and raised his face to pay attention to his husband, being distracted for a moment by how the raccoon's nest that was often his hair now had strands falling into his eyes, it had been a while since Zhao Yunlan had trimmed his hair, and Shen Wei had been too distracted playing with the longer locks to ask why.
"I- Ah, Yunlan, maybe a painting with birds would look better on that wall..."
Zhao Yunlan pursed his lips. “I like the waterfall.”
Shen Wei lowered his gaze and fidgeted with the corners of the painting. "Why do you like it if it makes you sad?"
"Is that why you're removing this from the wall?"
"No..."
"Baobei," it didn't sound like a scolding, but Shen Wei knew better than to try to hide things when his husband used that tone of voice.
"Yes,” he admitted. Not that it made any sense that Zhao Yunlan would still want the painting there even if it upset him. Shen Wei didn't mind choosing another existing one or painting something new for them.
“Oh, baobei,” he sounded completely different now, gentle, as was his usual tone at home, walking over to where Shen Wei sat, crouching down in front of him. “I didn’t mean to make you feel as if I don’t like the painting. You’ve portrayed many memories of those times with ink and longing, and I can’t help but have feelings about what we’ve experienced together. It’s not a bad thing. I just looked at the painting and thought out loud, because I always think about it, about what it would have been like if I had had the chance to see you become my great beauty back then.”
Shen Wei reached out to brush away some strands of hair that were falling into his husband’s eyes, suddenly thinking about what he would never see again either. “I no longer lament what was lost from that time. I have you now.”
“Hm,” Zhao Yunlan nodded. “But if there was something you could see once more, with the eyes you have today, what would it be?”
"You," Shen Wei replied without even pausing to think.
“But I’m right here- Oh.” Zhao Yunlan watched the tips of his husband's ears turn bright red, that would never stop being adorable. A smirk grew in his lips. "So you wanted to see me like that ..."
It took Shen Wei a moment to process the standard shamelessness in what the other had just said. He turned his flushed face away. “It’s not for that reason!”
Zhao Yunlan tried not to laugh, but he invariably failed in this task, and ended up losing his balance and falling on his butt. "Aiyo... Xiao Wei, your husband has some tricks up his sleeve. If you wanted to see me dragging my robes around, you could have just told me."
"I didn't want you to think that I don't like the way you are now. I just-" Shen Wei thought for a while about how to explain the feeling, it wasn't something that tormented him, he had been at peace for a long time. But little thoughts would sometimes wander through his mind about it, they would come and go so easily. "We were always together, but at the same time, you were unreachable to me in some way. Just as you didn't see me grow up, I didn't hold you completely at that time... so I don't have that one memory to paint, that of being in your arms in the world we lived together before..."
"I think I can fix that," Zhao Yunlan stated.
"Huh?"
"Well, not exactly, it's not like I can go back in time or even if I want to, but there is something I think I can do, if you want."
Shen Wei followed him with his eyes as he got up from the floor and arranged his apron over his body.
He should have known that it was best to ask as many questions as possible before letting Zhao Yunlan take action on something, but curiosity quickly got the better of him. “Can you? What is it?”
“Put the painting back on the wall while I take off my apron and clean myself up,” was all Zhao Yunlan replied before disappearing into the house.
When he returned to the living room, the painting was on the wall and Shen Wei was standing in front of it, fidgeting with the tip of his braid. He had gotten into the habit of doing this whenever he was expectant, since it had become increasingly frequent that he didn't keep any sort of mask over his true appearance when he was at home.
As soon as he approached Shen Wei, he took one of his hands, turning to observe the painting once more. "What do you remember most about this place? About the last time we were there."
"I remember we climbed up on a rock closest to the waterfall, and I asked why we always came back there if you had all the rivers and mountains… It was a very simple place and we had already seen magnificent landscapes as we wandered around.”
"Simple... It's true. Of all the mountains and rivers I had, I liked that waterfall the most. Of all the other people in the world, I liked you the most. I wasn't great at expressing my feelings back then, so I took time and only told you at the end.” Without giving Shen Wei time to react, he covered his eyes with his free hand. “Here, close your eyes.”
The fresh and cool air hit Shen Wei as he proceeded as Zhao Yunlan requested. He felt the braid come undone and the loose strands fluttering in the wind around him, ruffling the robes he hadn't been wearing a moment ago. A distant scent of pine mingled with the aroma of the trees above, from where he could hear the chirping of birds.
Aside from nature, there was only stillness all around. The urban and modern sounds were all gone.
When Shen Wei felt that Zhao Yunlan's hands were no longer on him, he opened his eyes to be greeted by the sight of water falling from many meters above, and now the sound of it finally filled everything and was louder than anything else there.
The water running down the rocks was like tears on the carved face of the god he loved. The formless thought he had had millennia ago now made sense to him.
The pure, crystal-clear waters beneath the rock he stood on reflected the glow of the small patch of world above them. For a moment, Shen Wei was distracted by his own figure in the rippling water, the person he was now, millennia after this place had ceased to exist. He was caught by the green reflection in the water right next to him and didn't dare to lift his face immediately.
Breathing slowly, he closed his eyes for a moment longer. If the image had to fade before he could look at it, at least the reflection in the water would remain in his memory.
As his eyes opened, he was graced with the sight of that which had been lost long ago. Kunlun's green robes fluttering around his slender body were exactly as Shen Wei remembered. The long hair adorned only with a ribbon framed the elegant and imposing figure that looked ahead, the same feeling of him being part of everything but unattainable like nothing else was.
Loved in Shen Wei's heart, but never in his touch until the end came and they were torn from each other in a single kiss that would linger on the lips of the one left alone behind.
A gust of wind blew Kunlun's hair even harder, and he lost all composure as he fought with the strands.
"Baobei, how did I live with all this hair?!" It was almost a desperate plea and had Shen Wei laughing as he reached out to his husband and helped him brush his hair out of his face, wrapping his arms around his neck to hold the strands back.
"Your hair was beautiful... it's beautiful... Huh, if this is an illusion, I should notice the difference with reality, right?"
Zhao Yunlan wrapped his arms around Shen Wei's waist, bringing him closer until he could nuzzle his face and make him chuckle. All of that felt absolutely real.
"The bubbles in the sea. That was horrible, but I thought about how it worked for a long time until I understood. This is like those bubbles, it's not real, but we feel like it is. So you can see me like that…” He raised one of his hands to cup Shen Wei's face, admiring him a little more. “And I can see my little beauty that has become a great beauty..."
Shen Wei allowed himself to linger in appreciation of his husband, so completely who he had been, and yet so much more who he was now. The person who had surprised Shen Wei. If Shen San hadn’t already been proof enough to him that he could fall in love with the same person over and over again, Zhao Yunlan was like branding that truth with fire.
He leaned in, placing a kiss on the lips of the one he could touch without restrictions, love without fear, have without pain.
"I don't want to come back here more than this once..."
"Is it too bad?"
The sound of the waterfall ahead was almost louder than the soft conversation between lovers, and the wind tangled their robes and swayed the fabrics around their bodies, playing with their shapes.
"No. It's wonderful. But I already have everything I wanted, to be in your arms like this... While you see me the way you wish you had,” Shen Wei explained and then took Zhao Yunlan to look at their reflections in the glistening water. “We both change and I like who we are in our time. Your little beauty loved his unattainable god, but your great beauty loves the husband he has now.”
Zhao Yunlan had a brief peaceful moment watching the reflections and the landscape around before starting to fight his flowing hair again, in a tangle of strands and limbs. "Well, great. Because I'm definitely not going to let my hair grow this long, no way."
‘This long’ clicked something in Shen Wei's mind. "Are you by any chance letting your hair grow long?"
As Shen Wei helped Zhao Yunlan brush the hair away from his face again and gently stroked the strands back, arranging it diligently once more until he was hugging his husband's neck like before, strands between his fingers and the clear satisfaction on his face, it made Zhao Yunlan think that perhaps it wasn't so bad, just a little.
"By chance, yeah, maybe, who knows..."
…
