Chapter Text
Bobby wakes up sore. Not like a rowing kind of sore either. The kind of sore that follows a good pounding pardon his cruel language. He’s on his stomach and the closest of the person next to him suggests that he had been pressed against the wall of his bed the other person between him and the door. The tenderness in his ass tells him that he has bottomed last night too.
That is not a totally new thing for him. When he does indulge in this he usually bottoms. There’s nothing better than the feeling of being stretched out and the white pleasure that comes when you forget everything but that other man inside of you…so it’s not totally surprising that he has bottomed out here.
What is surprising is that he has stayed the night.
He drags open his eyes to see a crack on his wall…oh…this is his room.
Right well Bobby will just have to take that back. It’s not surprising he’s stayed the night, what is surprising is that the other person has stayed the night. Actually forget surprising now his brain is switching itself back on what he realises is that it’s downright dangerous.
And he should know better.
Actually he does know better. By the Grace of God he has his own room but that doesn’t mean that the eight boys he shares this bunkhouse with are oblivious, granted Joe has Joyce, Jim has Amelia and Shorty seems to have a new girl every week but the truth is that anyone of them could have seen him sneak this man in.
Coupled with the dry taste on his tongue and the pounding in his head Bobby has to conclude that he was either very, very drunk or exceptionally stupid…or perhaps both.
Either way this has to stop now. To be a homosexual in a back ally is one thing. To take a man home to his crew’s house is quite another. It’s like asking to be blackmailed.
He sits up and winces as the pain travels up his spine. There are fingertip marks on his hips and he turns to ask just what the hell this other mystery man seems to think he is doing but then he stops dead.
It’s…Don.
Don.
Don Hulme.
Donald Bruce Hulme.
His stroke…
The object of his affections.
Actually to fuck with that the love of his life.
Naked.
In his bed.
Asleep.
Jesus Christ Bobby thinks he might be having a stroke. Either that or a hallucination. He knows he’s a pining mess but…he tries to rack his brain and he pauses thinking hard despite the pounding in his head.
He does remember something about a bar, drinking and then sitting in the corner with Don trying to get the quieter man to talk more. Sometimes it worked with Don, sometimes when it was just him and Bobby he would sit and talk for hours about his classes his home, Berlin…all of it. It was usually when other people joined that it became a bit more difficult to pry out information from him. Bobby had known that and last night he had not tried to point Don towards any girls like a good friend should, last night he had soaked up his attention and the information that the other man had provided like a sponge.
He doesn’t quite remember how it got them both back here but he lies back down on the bed staring at the cracked light in his room and has to concede that he has royally put his foot in it somewhere. That or he has missed something glaringly obvious. He had assumed that Don didn’t like boys the way Bobby did but clearly he liked Bobby enough to take him to bed and pound into him like he pounded his oars through the lake on their practice sessions.
Perfect he thinks viciously. The one time he gets the man that he wanted in his arms, in his bed, in his body, the one man that he will want for the rest of his life and he doesn’t bloody remember it.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
Bobby swallows and then he stiffens. His movements have alerted Don to the fact that he is here and he stiffens. He doesn’t know what kind of reaction he will be getting but he knows well enough to know that it is probably not good. He doesn’t dare hope that Don will be glad that he has woken up naked in Bobby’s bed. Life in his opinion is not that kind nor does It dole out gifts such as this…at least not to him…always the undeserving but not to him.
He sighs and takes in a breath as Don scraps a hand down his face groaning. This is the last few seconds he gets of this before his world turns to ash and crumbles and he is GOING TO ENJOY IT.
He takes a look at miles of exposed chest as Don shifts the sheet riding downwards to show a perfect v-shaped contour with his hips. Bobby has to look away at that point because he is sure that that’s going to be wanking material for months right now and he sighs as Don turns those big eyes to his.
He knows that this is where the fantasy ends. That the dream in which Don turns to him smiles and drags him in for a kiss is just that…a dream…a fantasy wrapped around an I Love You that is never going to be given to him…not now…not freely…not ever.
But that doesn’t stop him from hoping, from wanting, from dreaming.
But the reality is that this is where the dream dies.
He closes his eyes and waits until he can feel those big eyes on his face waiting and then he forces them open.
“Hey”
“Hello” Don says quietly. “Did we…er…did we…”
“It doesn’t have to mean anything” he squeaks out and at any other given time in the world Bobby would care that his voice went back to being high pitched. Honestly it was like his balls had gone back up him or something and Don raises one eyebrow looks down the length of his body and then swallows hard.
For one moment he thinks that he sees something dark and twisted and desperate in those eyes, something in the bright gaze going dark and he opens his mouth to speak but then nothing comes out. Don however takes advantage of his supreme cowardice to speak.
“Doesn’t have to mean anything?”
“No I…er…I don’t want to lose our friendship”
“Oh” Don says flatly and then. “Your never going to lose me Bobby. Don’t worry about that. I’ll be here by your side for as long as you want me to be here”
OH GOD!
Don has really, REALLY got to stop saying stuff like that, Bobby’s heart is already on the blink as it is and he knows that he will not be able to survive another blow. Already he feels like he is on the verge of breaking. Don takes a breath and then.
“I had fun last night thought”
Bobby turns to look at him.
“Eh…thank you?” he says and he could curse himself because he knows it comes out as question. To be honest when the pain of this crumbling down is over and he can analyse this to death he knows that he will find comfort in the fact that Don liked using his body.
Maybe he doesn’t want Bobby…but he wants his body.
And that’s when the idea hits him…it hits him so much that he finds that he is staggered by the force of it. It’s a terrible idea, it’s a disaster for him, it will rip him into pieces again and again and eventually when it ends he is not going to be able to survive it, this will take all out of him he knows but Bobby is a greedy, greedy man and so greed and foolishness and a hope that he doesn’t think he deserves compels him to say what comes out of his mouth next.
“We can keep doing it if you want?”
Don who had been staring at the ceiling jaw so tight it could break glass turns to look at him and then he sits up, the back of his hair is all mused and Bobby hates how his eyes are drawn to it. He feels so terribly exposed but the truth is that he will drink in what is being shown before him like it’s his last meal before the execution begins. He’s still waiting for the axe to fall if he is being honest. But Don is looking at him as if he’s offering him…something and then he looks away and scraps a hand over his face before he turns back to Bobby his expression guarded in a way that it has never been with him before.
“What do you mean?”
What does he mean? Yes that is a wonderful question isn’t it? What do you mean Robert?
He swallows and gathers his courage. He’d much rather be gathering his blankets to protect himself but that would rather defeat the purpose now wouldn’t it.
“I mean…I mean…I mean that we can keep doing this if you wanted too…I mean…we can…we can keep doing this, taking the edge of, friends being friends you know. I enjoyed last night too Don I thought it was the best…the best that I have had in a long time, I would like to keep doing it if you wanted and…and we can be careful, it doesn’t have to mean anything either”
He nods his head as if that is going to help and then he drops his gaze downwards to his lap to stare at his hands and waits for Don to explode.
Because that’s what’s going to happen isn’t it? Don is going to react in disgust, will push away the covers and storm out or perhaps leave him with a broken jaw on the way, he’ll march to Ulbrickson’s office, to the boys and tell them all what he’s been offering and what he is and then the rowing team is gone, he knows he will lose his friends, his place in school…hell he'll be lucky not to be arrested and spat at on the streets and it’s all because he was stupid enough to voice his—
But a hand is on his chin, a long pianist finger reaching out to take his chin in his and lifting it so that they see each other eye to eye. Don’s gaze is silent and his eyes are dark and then.
“Is this really what you want from me? Just casual sex whenever the mood takes your fancy?”
No! No it’s not what he wants from Don…he wants…what he wants from Don is more than that, it’s potent and deadly and dangerous and it’s all consuming and he thinks that he might drown in it and die willingly. He wants the house and the piano in the corner and the lie that there are two bedrooms because they are bachelors committed to finding someone but don’t you know how crazy rent is Mrs So-And-So? He wants to crawl into those arms after a shitty day at work…he wants…
He wants it all.
What Joe and Joyce have, what Jim is trying to get with Amelia, hell the Coach has it! Why can’t he?
But he’s not brave enough to put all of those thoughts and feelings into words. Not brave enough to push for more than what he thinks he might be given…if he can please Don with his body then Don can have his body forevermore. When he is eighty and old then Don Humle can still have his body. Everything that is his is Don’s.
He just knows that Don doesn’t want it.
And he’s fine with that he really is.
He nods.
Don sucks in a breath and then nods.
“Alright” he says as if he’s come to a decision.
“Alright” he says again as if he’s telling that to himself and then he nods again and smiles.
He bends and kisses Bobby’s cheek.
Bobby tries very hard not to melt.
Casual sex with Don Hulme.
What the hell was he thinking?