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The sound of the fire was the only thing that she tried to focus on, the cuffs on her hand pinching into her skin as she shifted her weight, her eyes still trained on the dancing flames. The heat washed over her face in comforting waves, fighting against the cold dread that was seeping through her bones. In spite of everything, she found a peculiar serenity in watching the fire crackle and spit. Taking a deep breath she sat up on the bedroll flexing her hands, her eyes going down to the cuffs.
Atlas grade gravity bolas handcuffs they were known as, a standard issue for felon transport. Was that what she was? A felon? It made her scoff, she could easily break free from these restraints if she wished. She flexed her hands again feeling her body shiver a black smoke fizzling off her skin before she stopped.
She had no reason to. Her eyes went to everyone who slept around the fire, Ren and Nora sleeping on one bedroll and a blanket over them. Qrow sitting against a tree, Weiss and Yang huddled close together, their breaths synchronized in a comforting lullaby of sleep. Jaune was asleep as well, his arm thrown over his face to shield it from the firelight. And Blake… her back was to the redhead. She couldn’t tell if the woman was asleep or awake, her natural stillness always held a sense of mystery, even after all these years. She found herself studying the silhouette of Blake’s shoulders, the way her slight form seemed to curl in on itself.
Quickly she tore her eyes away shaking her head. She had these cuffs on… to make them all feel safe. She dropped her gaze back to her bound hands, the fire's orange light dancing across the smooth metallic surface of the cuffs. The irony wasn't lost on her. She, who had once helped protect these people, was now deemed a threat to them.
All because of what Salem did to her. Turned her into a… monster.
Her mind involuntarily drifted back to that fateful day when Salem with her dark magic and twisted desires had changed her. She remembered the searing pain, the feeling of her skin burning as if it were being consumed by a thousand suns. The nightmarish laughter of Salem echoing inside her head as she writhed in agony. The ebony smoke, thick and suffocating, curling off her skin. The transformation had been excruciating, both physically and emotionally.
She was no longer the person they knew. She wasn’t the Ruby Rose they once knew… that person was gone, replaced by a darker more dangerous person they could never trust. Her memories were partially faded of them all, but she remembered enough of them, what she meant to everyone who slept around this fire.
They told her to help her remember. All of them were friends… teammates… family. That was the heartbreaking part. Friends… teammates… family. Over and over she repeated it in the lonely recesses of her mind, the words a gentle lullaby amidst the roaring cacophony of her thoughts. She studied her bound hands once again, contemplating the choices that brought her here, to this pivotal point in her life.
Her eyes went to each of them.
Friend… friend… friend… Uncle… friend… sister…
she stopped on Blake’s back again… lover. She felt a sharp pang in her heart as that word echoed in her mind. They didn’t say anything about it, but those memories she often did remember were quick snapshots. That’s what she was to Blake… and she toyed with the faunus with chide remarks knowing full well the knives she set in the woman’s heart.
Oh… how she hated herself for it. Every remark or snide comment that came out of her mouth she just wanted to slap herself for, to shield Blake from the piercing sting. But her mouth moved quicker than her heart could intervene, the words tumbling out before she had time to stop them, a defense mechanism she had cultivated since the change.
Blake never retaliated, she only took it in silence… stoic… resilient. It hurt Ruby more than her own transformation ever did. She knew the pain she was causing and yet, found herself unable to stop the onslaught of sharp words.
It wasn’t just towards Blake, but it was always her… her eyes always went to the faunus before any other. The faunus with her golden eyes and raven locks that always seemed so perfect no matter what disaster they survived that day.
Her thoughts were split into two voices… her new persona and the old one. Part of her mind begged to kill them all in their sleep, to end the torment of their disapproval, their fear. A darker echo whispered promises of freedom, once they were out of the picture. It was a siren's song that tested her newfound resolve at every turn, threatening to crack open the dam of dark desires Salem had implanted in her mind.
But the other voice - the feeble whispers of Ruby Rose pleaded with her, begged her to cling to the sliver of humanity she still possessed. To break free from the chains of darkness that bound her and embrace the light again, even if it meant enduring this silent torment for an eternity. That feeble voice still remembered what love felt like, what kindness was, what it meant to care for someone else more than oneself.
Looking down at her hands she could feel the sting of her eyes, nothing came out but it stung nonetheless. The phantom tears she could no longer shed, another casualty of the transformation.
There was a rustling sound across the fire making her glance up quickly. She watched as Blake sat up unaware of her gaze. The woman’s hair fell down slightly over her face, but her golden eyes gleamed in the soft firelight. She looked around at their companions, perhaps checking if they were truly asleep, before her gaze fell on Ruby. Her eyes locked with Blake's for a brief second before the other woman quickly looked away. The silence stretched out between them, becoming an almost tangible thing. Ruby could practically feel Blake's discomfort and guilt; it was a heavy weight that sat uncomfortably between them.
Blake got up then, moving quietly so as not to disturb the others. She approached Ruby slowly before squatting down next to her.
“Do you need water?”
The faunus asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Ruby studied the woman's face for a few heartbeats before flashing a brief smirk. "What? No 'how are you feeling?' or 'do you need to talk?'"
Blake responded with a faint frown, "Ruby, I..."
"You know what, forget it," Ruby interrupted, her voice laced with bitterness, "Yes, I need water."
Blake nodded, picking up the near-empty canteen lying beside Ruby. She moved to refill it from the large water skin and handed it back to the woman. Ruby stared at the container in Blake's outstretched hand as if it were something dangerous. Then she accepted it slowly, their hands brushing for a fleeting second. The contact was like an electric shock, leaving a tingling sensation behind that neither of them commented on.
They sat in silence for a while longer after that, the tension between them as thick as molasses, suffocating and sticky… thick as- Ruby felt her grip on the canteen tighten as an unexpected, unbidden memory surging through her like a bolt of lightning. She took the canteen up to her lips and took a long drink, hoping to drown out the thoughts that screamed in her mind. Each gulp felt as though it echoed in the silent night, the noise foreign and intrusive against the peaceful crackling of the fire. As she lowered the canteen, her gaze fell unconsciously on Blake again.
Blake who had not taken her eyes off of the redhead shifted in her spot. "I wish it could be different," Blake murmured softly, her voice barely above a whisper.
The redhead scoffed pushing the cap back into the canteen and tossing it aside, “We both know that’s impossible.” Her voice was harsher than she intended, betraying the bitterness and anger buried deep within her.
Blake flinched slightly, but held Ruby's gaze. "Maybe…" She started hesitantly, "Maybe we can find a way… to reverse…"
“Reverse?” Ruby interrupted, her voice shrill with a mix of desperate hope and mocking disbelief. “Can you undo death? Can you bring the sun back up once it has set?”
“Ruby...” Blake’s eyes were pleading - full of pain, sorrow, and something else that Ruby couldn’t or didn’t want to understand.
“You know, there is one thing you can do Blake.” The faunus stared at her worriedly, as Ruby’s red eyes bore into hers with an intensity that sent a shiver down her spine.
"And what would that be?" Blake asked, her voice barely above a whisper, her heart pounding in her chest.
Ruby paused for a few seconds before responding, her own heart heavy with sorrow and regret. The redhead’s eyes went down quickly to the woman’s weapon on her side before going back up. “Kill me.”
Blake's breath hitched at the words, her heart contracting as if it had been pierced by one of her own arrows. Her mind reeled, replaying the words as though she had misheard them. But Ruby's gaze stayed trained on her, a steely resolve in those red eyes that were both familiar and alien.
“You all fear me, Blake." Ruby's voice was barely a whisper now, her gaze unblinking and fierce. "You fear I’ll lose control, become that monster Salem wanted me to be. You fear what happens when I can’t fight it anymore.”
Blake’s mouth opened as if to object but quickly shut again. She couldn't deny it, the fear was there in the back of her mind, chilling her bones every time she thought about it. But fear was not the only emotion that stirred within her. Anger burned bright and hot as well, anger at Salem for changing Ruby into this... this creature that was so unlike the woman she knew.
“It would be better for all of us… If I just didn’t exist anymore. Salem wouldn’t have me as an advantage anymore and you would all be safe." Ruby continued, her voice growing colder with each word. “And
you
. You wouldn’t have to look at me anymore… with that… disgust, with that fear.” The final word was delivered quietly, packed with all the hurt and anguish Ruby felt every time she caught Blake's wary gaze.
The faunus sat there quietly, her ears twitching as they flattened closer to her head listening to the woman speak. Her words hit her like a physical blow.
"You think I want this?" She asked quietly, her voice just barely audible over the crackling fire and the chirping of the distant night insects. "You think I enjoy being… this? That I want to put all of you through this?" Her voice hitched on the last word as she gestured vaguely at herself.
Blake didn't reply immediately, she shifted in her spot getting up and for a moment… Ruby felt like something had stabbed her in her chest. She wanted to tell the woman she was sorry… tell her everything was going to be okay even though she knew it wasn't. She ached to reach out and comfort her, but something held her back, some vague terror that she would burn on contact.
But Blake didn’t turn around, she didn’t walk away, instead she stepped back over to Ruby squatting down in front of her again, closer this time. “What are you doi-” She was cut off as the woman leaned forward pulling her into a hug, her arms wrapping around Ruby's stiff body. Blake could feel Ruby's sharp intake of breath at the unexpected contact, but she didn't pull away.
"I don't fear you," Blake whispered into Ruby's ear, her voice shaky but firm. "I fear losing you."
“You are stupid.” Ruby retorted, her voice choked and raw. Her hands still tied together clutched onto the woman’s shirt… how easy it would be to kill her right now - to act on the monstrous impulse that Salem's spell had cursed her with. But Ruby didn't move despite the twitch of her hands.
"Stupid or not," Blake responded, her voice steady and soft against the fragile silence between them. "I won't give you up without a fight."
Ruby swallowed hard, her throat constricting around the words she wanted to say. She remained stilled in Blake's arms, the presence of the other woman seeping into her senses, numbing the monstrous impulses for a while.
"I don't want you to fight for me," Ruby whispered, her voice frayed with a desperation that was painful to hear.
Blake tightened her grip around Ruby, as if anchoring the woman to this moment, to herself. “You don't have a choice in that,” Blake replied.
“Really?” Ruby whispered her hands going up pushing the faunus away before they went to the woman’s neck. Blake's breath hitched as Ruby's hands encircled her neck, her heart pounding in her chest. Adrenaline coursed through her veins as she watched Ruby's face, looking for any sign that she was about to strike.
"I have a choice," Ruby murmured, her voice barely audible, her fingers tightening slightly on Blake's throat, but without malice. "I could end this now. End you."
Blake stared up at Ruby, fear flickering in her golden eyes. She knew the threat was real. She knew what Ruby had become, what she was capable of. Yet the fear was mixed with something else: defiance.
"Then do it," she dared, her gaze unwavering. “If that brings you comfort…”
Ruby's grip tightened for a fraction of a second, the words echoing around them. Her red eyes darted wildly, oscillating between rage, fear and regret. The silence as the fire crackled, casting eerie shadows on their faces. It seemed like an eternity before Ruby let out her breath she had been holding and relaxed her grip, her hands falling into her lap.
“Why are you like this? Why do you trust me so much?" Ruby's voice was barely a whisper, filled with confusion and frustration. Her gaze was downcast, the firelight casting long shadows on her face that only further accentuated her deep-set sorrow.
Blake let out a long sigh, her gaze never wavering from Ruby. Her mind was spinning, trying to find the right words to explain her feelings. “It was you… long ago you taught me to trust, to hope. You showed me a world where people can change, can be redeemed. You saved me from myself, from my own darkness." She paused, collecting her thoughts. “And despite your insistent demand that I fear you, despise you even, I won’t. What Salem did to you doesn't change who you are. You're still Ruby, and I won't abandon you."
Ruby looked up at Blake then, her red eyes wide with bewilderment and a flicker of something else – hope, perhaps? "You really are stupid," she mumbled, though there was no malice in her voice.
"Perhaps," Blake allowed, a small smile playing on her lips. “Will you hurt me if I were to do something?”
Ruby looked at her, a frown wrinkling her forehead. "Depends on what you plan on doing." Her voice was cautious, the remnants of their previous tension still lingering around them.
Blake didn't respond verbally, instead she reached out again, her hands cupping both of the woman’s cheeks gently. Ruby flinched slightly at the touch, her body tensing up again but she didn't pull away. The woman’s thumb ran along the curve of the redhead’s cheek while the other went up tracing the scar over her left eye before dropping down to caress her lips.
"This is what I want to do," she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. She shifted in her spot leaning forward before Ruby could protest, capturing her lips in a soft yet urgent kiss. It wasn't demanding, but a plea, a silent vow.
Ruby sat frozen for a moment, her mind spiraling. She couldn't remember the last time she felt a touch so gentle and kind. After what seemed like an eternity, Ruby responded to the kiss, leaning into it with a desperation that mirrored Blake's own. Her hands were shaking as she reached up to clasp onto Blake’s shirt.
When they pulled away, it was only because they needed to breathe. Their eyes locked, each one searching the other's face for signs of regret or fear.
But there were none.
"Blake...," Ruby whispered, her voice shaky and filled with emotions. "I can't... I don't deserve..."
"You do," Blake interrupted, pressing a finger to Ruby's lips softly. "You deserve love and happiness just as much as anyone else, Ruby. Salem doesn't get to decide that."
"But I...," Ruby started again, but Blake shook her head firmly.
"No buts, Ruby," Blake said, her voice strong and unwavering despite the tremor in her hands. "We are who we choose to be, not what others make us."
For a long moment, they simply stared at each other in silence. The fire crackled between them, casting flickering shadows on their faces. The hands that were gripping onto the faunus’ shirt tightened pulling her closer again, their noses brushing against each other lightly. Ruby's eyes flickered down to Blake's mouth before darting back up to meet her gaze, a silent question in her eyes.
Blake read the question and answered it with a nod. She tilted meeting the woman for another kiss, this one deeper, more laden with the emotions that had welled up within them. It was slow and tender, an admission of the remorse, fear and longing each felt for the other. It was a kiss that spoke of a thousand unspoken words, of promises and hopes for a future that seemed so distant yet so tantalizingly close.
The redhead went to pull her hands up but they were locked in with the cuffs still. The ropes biting into her skin started to serve as a painful reminder of the reality they were trapped in. Blake felt Ruby tensed and pulled back, following Ruby's gaze to her bound hands.
"Let me," she said softly, reaching for the cuffs' lock. Ruby pulled her hands away shaking her head.
“No.” She whispered trying to scoot herself away from Blake. Her face hardened into an expression of determination, and for a moment, a cold distance entered her gaze. Again, the physical tension returned, Ruby’s body stiffening as she prepared for an imagined fight.
"Ruby," Blake began, her voice gentle in the heavy silence. But Ruby held up her hand stopping her from saying anything more.
“No," Ruby repeated, yet a new emotion had crept into her voice, softening the hardness of her words — it was fear. “Just leave me be.”
There was a shuffling behind them making Blake look over her shoulder seeing Qrow sitting up from his spot by the tree. The faunus looked over to Ruby again who had turned slightly her knees brought closer to her chest. Blake opened her mouth to protest, but was stopped by the sight of Ruby shaking her head again, her body shaking.
She let out a sigh getting up from her spot before she made her way over to her bedroll. Laying down she rested her hands on her stomach looking up at the night sky that was painted with a million stars. The celestial bodies shone brightly, so serene, so peaceful, a stark contrast to the turmoil she felt within her. Silent tears streamed down her face as she stared into the endless expanse of the universe. She could hear Qrow mumbling to Ruby behind her, his voice low and soothing as he tried to talk her down from whatever ledge she found herself on.
Blake laid there, listening in on their whispered conversation. She tried to ignore the ache in her chest that came with every shaky breath that Ruby took, she brought her arm up shielding her eyes.