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Part 1 of The Golden Oni AU
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2024-07-19
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2024-12-14
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12/?
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We have the past to bury Harumi!

Chapter 12: Awakening

Notes:

Yay! Okay, so update, don’t expect anything from me in the next coming week because finals are coming up and I really need to focus. On the flip side, right after that is winter break which means I’ll have all the time I want to write! Hope you all enjoy reading and here’s your reminder to study if you need to! ❤️

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The heat of the volcano had been suffocating, even for him. It didn’t help that the entire time the only thing he could think of was saving Lloyd.

Garmadon was furious when he found out that the serpentine had captured his son and so had made a temporary alliance with his brother and the ninja to get him back. So that meant that while they were trying to stop Pythor from getting the fang blades, he could focus on saving his son. Their family always had the worst luck when it came to snakes.

Anyway, the volcano. Garmadon had actually done his job, no thanks to that Fire ninja that was so convinced he would be the green ninja. That idiot used the Sword of Fire, in a VOLCANO?! Wu must really have been scraping the bottom if this was the best he had.

He pulled the cage holding his son up and over the edge as the red ninja rushed past him. Lloyd desperately hung on to the bars as the bottom had been completely melted by the lava. The two made eye contact for the first time in years. “Dad!” Lloyd yelped as his feet hit the ground and he immediately was swept up in his fathers arms.

“Lloyd!” He said back. He held on tightly to his son. The little boy didn’t hesitate to hug back.

“This place is gonna blow!” One of the ninjas, he was pretty sure it was the master of earth, yelled, “We have to get out of here!”

No one had to tell him twice. Garmadon quickly scooped up Lloyd and began running towards the entrance where the samurai and his brother were already waiting, the other ninja also on their way. Well, not all of them.

“Kai! Come on!” The samurai shouted as the red ninja was trying to pull the Sword of Fire from the wall to free the fang blade. Pythor was nowhere to be seen.

“Hold on! I almost have it!” He yelled back. Lloyd began to struggle in Garmadon’s grip. He set him down and the boy ran to where the other ninja were watching Kai.

The ice ninja turned to the others. “We don’t have much time, we need to get out,” he told them.

“But we can’t just leave Kai!” The blue one responded, sounding panicked. The volcano shook violently.

“He can figure it out himself! We need to go!” Garmadon hissed, he might survive the eruption(key word being might) but he’d rather not gamble his and his son’s lives for a silly blade. The earth ninja looked conflicted but finally put his hands on the other two’s shoulders.

“He’s right, Kai can figure something out,” another large shake. The sounds of cracking rocks filled the air. The ninja made their way over to the exit and Garmadon looked at Lloyd who had not taken his eyes off Kai.

“Lloyd-“ he reached out. Lloyd turned and looked at him. His big eyes were desperately trying to blink away tears. Another shake, more cracks. Garmadon took a step forward. Kai pulled the Sword of Fire from the wall, sending the blade flying. A web of cracks spread around the outlook Lloyd was standing on. He tried to call out for his son again but was stopped as hands grabbed his arms. The rock fell. Taking Lloyd with it.

He was pulled back. He was screaming. He just got his son back. A rock fell over the entrance, leaving Kai and Lloyd with no escape.

Something flickered to life inside of him. He sucked in a breath. He felt… heavy. Which was weird. Why was it weird? Oh, he hadn’t felt like this in a long time. Breathing felt like labor, since when was breathing hard? Since he died. He hadn’t needed to breathe in years. He should feel like this unless… unless he was alive. Which he should be.

Wait… who was he? His brain felt scrambled. He blinked open his eyes. The world was blurry, extremely blurry. His senses start to hit him again like trucks. He smelled smoke, ash, and burnt wood. Not a good sign, his brain told him. He heard the distant sound of sirens, also not good. Finally his vision cleared.

The sky. It was night time, the dark sky speckled with thousands of bright stars, the moon high in the sky. The air around him was chilly, but he was sure he’d felt colder before. He was lying on his back, he now realized. The floor beneath him was cool like stone. He turned his head slowly to the side and looked at what must have been the remains of a building that had been terribly burnt, that explained the smell.

He carefully picked himself up and found himself leaning against a small stone structure in the middle of the area he was in. Other than the sounds in the distance, the area was completely silent. It made him uneasy.

He glanced down and had to double take at his own body. He had four arms. Four arms covered in almost pitch black skin that had clawed hands at the end of each. He felt wrong. This body was familiar but… but wrong. Why was that? He distantly thought of a snake.

He had to clutch his head with a growl. Father help him, why did it hurt? The thought came naturally. Father? Who was his father? He couldn’t pull a name from his jumbled thoughts. Then another person's voice split through his thoughts.

“Father!” It wasn’t his own. He spun his head around, looking for the person who had spoken, but found no one. It was… a memory. A memory of someone… important to him… he thinks.

He remembers being a woman’s side. He remembers being scared to hold a little bundle, it was fragile, he reminded himself, he was fragile. He remembers a baby crying. The distant clash of gold. And then nothing. A long period where he couldn’t pull anything from his head, couldn’t pull anything about the boy. Then he remembered the heat. The boy, he was much bigger now, wrapped his arms around him. And then the snake. The thought of it made him want to scream. The hum of gold in his hands. The desperation as he dug through rumble and rocks. Only to find nothing. The boy, HIS boy, was gone. He remembers the rage. His hate towards someone, he can’t remember exactly why. And then his brain scattered again, and no more memories surfaced.

He had to catch his breath.

He remembered the pain of losing his son.

The voice called out to him again. “Your son calls you!” It told him. His son was alive. Lloyd was alive!

With new found strength he pulled himself but to his feet, brushing his wild hair from his eyes. He had to go find his son.

What’s my name? He thought, would Lloyd even recognize him?

“Lord Garmadon,” his mind supplied, “You are Lord Garmadon.”

The Bounty, for one of the first times since the ninja began living on it, was completely silent.

Garmadon hadn’t said a word since they boarded the ship. He didn’t even look at them. He couldn’t pull his gaze away from the volcano. It seemed like the rest of the ninja were at a loss as to what to do as well. The samurai seemed to be just on the edge of breaking and all the ninja looked like 20 years had been taken off their life spans. He would say the same for Wu, except that his brother always looked like that.

None of the ninja tried to approach the evil lord where he stood with a tight grip on the railing. “Why did you pull me away, I could’ve gotten him out of there,” he said, suddenly breaking the silence. Wu stood next to him, he wasn’t sure when he had gotten there.

“They aren’t dead,” said Wu, “Fate had much more planned-“

“WOULD YOU SHUT UP ABOUT FATE?!” Garmadon cut him off as he slammed his fists into the railing, denting it a bit. “My son is either dead or dying and all you can say is… what? That fate has other plans?” He growled, glaring at his brother who had not moved. “How am I supposed to put my trust in fate, the same fate that forced me away from him in the first place?! You don’t understand,” He trailed off as he looked back towards the volcano, his gaze distant.

That’s when the volcano erupted.

Garmadon sucked in a breath, tears pricking his eyes as he watched the spew of lava.

“Wait… do you guys see that?” The earth ninja said from behind him. His heart jumped. A glowing orb floating quickly away from the volcano and towards the flying ship. No way…

“It’s Kai! He got his true potential!” The blue ninja yelled.

The orb touched down on the deck and fell away, revealing a glowing red ninja, Lloyd hugged tightly to him. Kai blinked his eyes open and looked at the others gathered around them before softening his hold on Lloyd. “Guys?” He looked down at Lloyd, who was now looking at him in shock. He stopped glowing and let out a small laugh before promptly collapsing, thankfully being caught by the ice ninja.

The other ninja crowded around him as they excitedly congratulated him and asked what happened, Garmadon could care less. He quickly made his way to Lloyd and took no time checking him for burns or scrapes.

“Are you alright? Do you hurt anywhere?” He asked hurriedly as he checked, Lloyd just stared at him for a while with no response.

Then the child smiled and wrapped his arms around Garmadon, who had gotten on his knees to be on level with him. Garmadon sighed jokingly and hugged back. “Dad…” Lloyd finally spoke, “Why do you have four arms?”

Garmadon was caught a bit off guard but laughed. “It’s a long story,” he told him. He looked up and caught the fire ninja's gaze. Garmadon nodded, telling the ninja that he was grateful for saving his son, the ninja just smiled in response.

“I’m really tired,” Lloyd said, stealing Garmadon’s attention back to him.

“I would expect so, you’ve had a long few days, nephew,” Wu said, he had at some point moved next to Garmadon again, “Here brother, I’ll help you take him to his room.”

With Wu leading the way, the three(Lloyd easily being carried in Garmadon’s arms) started below deck to where Lloyd had been sleeping before being taken by the serpentine. In normal circumstances, Garmadon probably would have apologized for yelling at Wu, but he found no want to do that. Almost like his own brain didn’t want to. A simple reminder of the venom.

Garmadon’s grip tightened on Lloyd, who had very quickly fallen asleep. He was so big, the last time Garmadon had seen him he was still just a baby. He missed so much. He hadn’t wanted to, he’d been doing so good at fighting off the venom up to that point! Something broke in him that night. He didn’t have an explanation for it. Because of that he hadn’t seen his son in just over 10 years.

Lloyd had his eyes. Bright and ruby red. He had other things as well, small things that you might notice if you were looking closely. He had fangs and his ears were just a bit too pointy to be normal. Things Garmadon had when he was younger. Lloyd looked so much like him. Too much like him.

Wu left them once they reached Lloyd’s room and the son and father went inside. Garmadon softly placed Lloyd on the bed, trying not to wake him. Once he did, he gave a soft sigh and sat on the floor with his back against the bed.

“What am I going to do…” he muttered to himself absentmindedly.

He couldn’t stay here. The prophecy needed to be complete. But he didn’t want to leave Lloyd again. He’d already missed too much. Lloyd wouldn’t be safe with him, if he left. He didn’t want Lloyd to grow up like that.

“Are you gonna leave again?” Lloyd’s small whisper startled him just a bit.

“What?”

“Please don’t leave me again.”

Garmadon glanced back at his son who had turned to lay facing him. His gaze was soft as he slowly moved to sit on the bed. “Do you know why I do what I do?” Garmadon asked.

Lloyd’s eyebrows furrowed. “Uncle Wu told me something about a snake,” he said quietly.

Garmadon nodded. “I was bitten by the Great Devourer, the very same snake that Pythor wants to release on Ninjago now,” he explained, “Its venom makes me… do things… things a good person would never dream of doing.” He sighed heavily. “Be honest with me Lloyd, are you happy here? With the ninja?”

Lloyd looked startled. “Well… I-“

“It’s okay if you are,” Garmadon reassured him, “I’m glad that my brother and his students took care of you.” After a bit of silence, Lloyd nodded. He had a complex look on his face, he didn’t want to upset Garmadon.

“I want to stay with you,” his son told him. Garmadon smiled before his face quickly fell into a look that was pained.

“Lloyd… Do you want to be evil?” He asked. The boy was quiet.

“I have to be… don’t I? That’s what they always said at Darkley’s,” Garmadon’s fist tightened. He had to hold in his anger in front of Lloyd.

“No, you don’t,” says Garmadon, “It’s for you to decide, not me or the ninja or anyone else. I didn’t get to choose, and it tore me from the very people I cared about most.” Garmadon thought of his father. They had been… distant when the First Spinjitzu Master died. He didn’t get to say goodbye.

The two were silent.

“Then… I think… I’d like to be good,” Lloyd whispered, “Like Nya and the ninja.”

Garmadon smiled. He brought a hand up to Lloyd’s cheek and the two made eye contact. “You’re going to be amazing,” he said. His son, his light, smiled back.

Harumi retired to their room not that long after.

She was so ready to lay down and forget any of this ever happened. Forget about Lloyd and the Sons of Garmadon. Everyone else seemed about ready to do the same. Nya and Jay were already there, seeming to have fallen asleep comforting each other.

She laid in her bed, ninja gi still on, as she stared at the ceiling. She couldn’t sleep(who could have seen that coming) and honestly just didn’t want to think anymore. Every bit of her body hurt, especially her leg which Zane had taken a look at and confirmed that it was mostly healed(Thanks to her powers).

That was the scene when the ship intercom buzzed on, startling all three people.

“Guys,” it was Cole’s voice, he sounded shaken, “Something’s happened, get to the bridge as fast as you can.” Harumi was up almost immediately. Jay and Nya helped each other find their feet and before long the three headed to the bridge where they found everyone else waiting for them.

Misako was holding baby Wu now and was trying to keep him asleep. Cole was shaking, Kai, who also looked freaked, was trying to support him. Zane was muttering something to Pixal as she drove the ship.

“What happened?” Harumi asked, Kai looked at her with wide eyes before glancing at Cole.

“Lord Garmadon is back.”

The world froze around her.

“What…?”

“He was spotted on his way to the police station, they just confirmed that he arrived and wanted to know where Lloyd was,” Zane explained, walking over to them, “We are 99% sure he’s on his way to Kryptarium as we speak.”

“Harumi,” Kai said, letting go of Cole, “are you-“

“I’m fine,” she cut him off. Now was not the time. “Pixal?”

“On route to Kryptarium prison,” the samurai responded as she finished putting in the coordinates.

The group all looked at Harumi, waiting for their next instructions. She took a deep breath. It didn’t help.

It had been easy to get the information out of the officers. He hadn’t even had to use his powers.

Lord Garmadon moved quickly as he approached the prison where they were keeping his son. How dare they keep him there. How dare they try and keep them apart. Garmadon had promised he wouldn’t leave Lloyd, he intended to keep it.

His memory was still foggy. He remembered most things about Lloyd, most everything else was still pretty fuzzy. He remembered some things like his own name, his father and brother, a few minor things he didn’t really understand about snakes and stuff like that. He still didn’t quite remember how he’d died in the first place, in fact almost nothing from the span of time after losing Lloyd was coming to him. It was weird, but so was this whole situation. His main goal right now was to get to his son.

Breaking into the prison was actually surprisingly easy. This place clearly had not been made to keep an oni out. Idiots.

Something about his powers felt strange. He knew he had them and could easily call upon them, but the power itself felt different in some way. He also felt weaker, like something was stopping him from using his full power. He could deal with that later.

The prison was dark as he walked into the main cell block, unfortunately that didn’t mean that it was quiet. He heard whispers of surprise and hatred and other such things as he glanced into each cell.

How long had it been? Would he recognize Lloyd? Would Lloyd recognize him? He pushed those thoughts away. He would always recognize his son.

Finally he spotted him.

He knew instantly when he felt the familiar presence of another oni wash over him. Lloyd’s back was turned to the cell bars, his blonde hair was paler than it had been in Garmadon’s memories. He was definitely older. A lot older.

“Son?” Garmadon asked as he approached, reaching a hand out to the bars.

Lloyd whipped around and stared at the other oni with wide red eyes. Familiar, red eyes, Garmadon thought with relief. The boy’s face softened in an instant. “…dad?” He whispered as he turned and slowly stood up.

“Lloyd!” Garmadon reached out and cupped his son’s cheek with one of his hands. Lloyd leaned into the touch as the realization began to actually take hold of him. He’d done it. He’d done it! He let out a few shaky laughs as his eyes swam with tears.

Garmadon wasted no time ripping open the cell bars and embracing his son, who happily complied. “I’m so happy you’re back!” Lloyd laughed, Garmadon could tell he was crying.

“I heard you calling me, there was nothing else I could have done,” Garmadon told him. He heard a sob and Lloyd’s grip on him tightened. After a moment, Garmadon pulled away just a bit to look Lloyd in the eyes.

He was different. He had horns going from gold at the base to black at the top and his face was smeared with black with sprinkles of gold. He looked so much like Garmadon did when he was younger, if he was remembering correctly. “What happened?” He whispered, “How long has it been?”

Lloyd’s expression soured immediately. “It was the ninja! They-they messed with your head! They changed you, and then let you die!” He spat, “That was roughly two years ago.” Two years? He’d been dead for two years? Ninja? A thought flickered in his head, five colors. Black, white, blue, red, and green. He felt sick when he thought of the color green. His head was spinning around it, trying to decide if he loathed it or if he cared for it.

“Wait- the ninja!” Lloyd suddenly looked a bit panicked, “If you’re here then there’s no doubt they’ll be on their way soon!” His son's panic cleared his mind a bit. Green. Green was his enemy. Green was a virus.

“Then we’ll go,” Garmadon said, pulling Lloyd out of the cell, “We’ll leave and go somewhere those ninja won't find us!” Lloyd allowed himself to be pulled along until he said the last part.

“No… I- I have to get rid of her,” Lloyd said.

“Who?”

“Her!” He spat, venom leaking into his voice, “That Green Ninja! The one that messed with your head! I refuse to let her get away with what she did to you!” Garmadon didn’t remember a time where his son’s eyes had been filled with such hate.

“So what do you suggest we do?” He asked.

Lloyd thought for a moment before looking up at him with a sinister smile. “I know her, she can’t resist falling into a trap.”

Pixal had been right, not long after the report from the police in Ninjago City, they’d gotten confirmation that Garmadon had broken into Kryptarium prison and broke out Lloyd along with lots of other inmates, including the Sons of Garmadon. Harumi had barely spoken after they got that report.

She had a plan, the others wouldn’t like it.

Their team had seen a large number of self sacrifices throughout the years and after the second time they started making deals with each other that no one would do it again. Anyone who did was have to deal with a long winded lecture from everyone on the bounty. Not that all that stopped them much of the time. She knew what this plan would mean, not that she intended on dying but she knew that the others would NOT be happy.

But she had to do this.

Lloyd was angry because of her. If she could defeat him without the others then they wouldn’t have to fight the oni that had once been their friend(again, her mind added mentally, the difference was that they knew this time).

And… Garmadon…

She pushed that thought away. Lloyd told her he wanted to kill her himself, why would he give up the opportunity to do it now?

“I have to go alone,” the words slipped out, rendering the whole room quiet. Every breath felt heavy. She raised her eyes to the ninja, who were all staring at her.

“Wha- Are you crazy?!” Jay sputtered, eyes wide.

Zane’s eyebrows furrowed. “That would be illogical-“ he said with confusion.

“No one’s going alone,” Cole cut him off. It wasn’t often that the black ninja used his ‘leader voice.’

Harumi just stared back at them, completely silent. Then she lowered her head and they slowly got back to planning. Her head was still spinning and planning. They would let her, but she had to.

“Hey Nya?”

The water ninja turned to look at Harumi as she entered the bridge, which was now empty save for the two of them.

“Cole says he might have figured something out and wants us to meet down stairs in the sleeping cabin,” Harumi told her. Her voice was a bit quieter than normal, she hated lying, but Nya would hopefully assume that was because of the situation.

Nya’s face fell at the reminder of their current mission,(just proof to Harumi’s cause) and she nodded grimly. The two made their way below deck. Neither of them said anything as they made their way down to where the others were waiting. Harumi’s hand twitched nervously. She hoped Nya didn’t see it.

The others all looked up as the two girls walked in. Both Misako and Wu were noticeably missing as the two had been dropped off at Dareth’s secret apartment in case things went bad. All of them looked shaken and tired. Harumi pushed away the thought that she probably looked just as bad, if not worse. This wasn’t about her. She stood by the door, uncertainty flickering in her, as Nya stepped farther into the room.

Kai was the first one to speak. “So? What’s the plan?” He was looking at Nya. Harumi pushed down the doubt and took a step back into the hall.

Nya looked confused. “Plan? I thought Cole had a plan,” she said, looking at the earth ninja.

Cole stiffened a bit as her gaze turned to him. “Me? Harumi said you told us to meet you here!” He responded. That when it seemed to click for her siblings what exactly was happening.

They turned to watch as the door snapped closed and was locked with a click. Harumi watched them from the other side as Nya slammed against the door. “Rumi! I know what you’re doing! Stop!” She cried. Harumi didn’t respond, just stared back at her with a frown.

“I’m sorry Nya, but don’t worry, I’ll figure everything out,” she promised before sliding away from the door and quickly walking back up. She ignored the shouts of her teammates as she disappeared. She didn’t expect that door to keep them forever, but it should take them long enough for her to get off the ship. Not much they could do after that.

Good thing she knew how to summon her own car. She was off the ship and driving towards Kryptarium in no time.

Her grip on the steering wheel was tight, her eyes focused on the road although at the same time her mind drifted. This was better, for all of them.

She flinched when Kai’s voice came through the radio.

“Harumi!” He yelled. She didn’t respond. “Harumi, I know you can hear me! Please! We can figure something out! Don’t do this!”

She glanced down at the radio. Maybe he was right, maybe she should go back to the Bounty and figure out a better plan…

Her hand crushed into the radio, destroying it as sparks of green energy flew through the car. Kai’s voice was distorted and then cut. Her breathing was heavy. She couldn’t go back. She had to do this. She wouldn’t lose her family again.

There were no more interruptions in her journey.

Her car slid to a stop in front of the cold stone walls of Kryptarium Prison. She got out and stared at the imposing walls for a minute. She could do this. She had to do this, she reminded herself.

The doors opened for her. They were expecting her. The darkness was cold and wrapped around her as she stepped forward.

It was quiet. Deafeningly quiet. Harumi’s footsteps cracked against the walls and echoed down the hall. The walls fell away around her, she couldn’t see much in the darkness but she knew she must be in the main cells.

The lights sparked on suddenly, blinding Harumi for just a moment. She blinked a few times before her eyes adjusted. She spun around a few times, trying to find anyone who might have been hiding in the darkness. All the cells were empty.

“I know you're here!” She screamed as she looked around, trying to find him, “Stop hiding and face me!” She took a few deep breaths, and then she heard the sound of heavy footsteps behind her.

Her hands crackled with energy as she whipped around and then froze.

Someone was standing just in the shadows of the hall she had come from. The figure was tall, too tall to be Lloyd. Its eyes showed purple, a very similar color to Lloyd’s. But it wasn’t Lloyd. She could tell that almost immediately. The energy was… wrong. It was so familiar but there was too much of it. It felt like… like…

The figure stepped out, and Lord Garmadon glared down at her. She caught her breath and her eyes widened. He looked a lot like he did before she’d cleaned him of the venom that had consumed him, but he was much taller and more clearly oni.

While she was lost in thought, his fists clenched and he rocketed forward with a punch aimed at her. She blinked and broke out of her thoughts as she raised her hands and energy crackled out to form a kind of shield. The oni broke through the shield without needing to stop and hit her, sending her flying back. She smacked against the large pillar in the middle of the room and fell to her knees. She picked herself up with a grimace, all of a sudden her arms were hurting again.

She shook her head and gathered her power to attack as she shot several balls of energy at Garmadon who dodged two and was hit by the third. He hissed but didn’t seem that injured.

He flew at her again, the same way he had last time, but this time she was ready. She grabbed his arm as he got close and channeled her energy into it, sending it sparking up his arm. He hissed and pulled away only to grab her with his other arm, this time by the neck.

She smashed her into the concrete pillar again, his grip still tight and his hand glowing with oni power. It felt like he was burning her throat. She cried out and grabbed at the arm holding her, trying to combat his power with her own. Her own energy cracked along Garmadon’s arm and was spreading, although this time it seemed much weaker.

She looked up at Garmadon as the burning feeling around her throat only got worse. “This is the one that was sent to stop me? You are the green ninja? Pathetic,” he growled. Tears stung Harumi’s eyes as she heard his voice, a voice she’d been wanting to hear for years.

“D-da…dad…” she tried to croak out as his grip around her tightened and hers weakened.

“Don’t you dare call me that!” He hissed, eyes flaring as he pushed her more into the wall, “I know what you are, and what you’ve done! The world will be a safer place for my family once I rid it of you!”

Her eyes widened and she tried to say something else when he seemed to grow tired of her trying to speak. He pulled her close, “I have no daughter,” he said, before throwing her full speed into the wall to their left and sending her flying.

The first wall felt like she’d been bludgeoned several times over with a brick. The second made her head feel like it had been cracked open. The third was when she started to wonder how hard he’d thrown her. She stopped counting after the fifth. When the night air finally hit her and she fell to the ground her whole body felt like it had been put through a meat grinder. She could barely keep her eyes open as she stared up. She couldn’t move and breathing felt like a chore.

She knew she was going to die. She felt something kind of like this before, when the Overlord had tried to drain her golden power, except this time it was much worse. She distantly felt the blood, she wasn’t sure where it was coming from.

She looked up, and saw the stars. She never realized how pretty they really were. She didn’t even notice when her eyes flickered shut.

..
.

Notes:

GARMADON’S HERE!!!!
Wow, I really liked writing all the flashbacks in this chapter! I love these two with so much of my heart! There’s also so many head cannons flying around in this chapter as well lol. I’ve hidden a The Adventure Zone ref somewhere in this chapter! Bonus points if you can find it!
I hope you all enjoyed, I’ll hopefully be seeing you after finals! ❤️

Notes:

This is actually so bad I’m sorry to anyone who will or has read this 😭

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