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He knows he’s being utterly reckless. But the thought of Eddie, bedridden, hooked up to machinery keeping him alive, makes his skin itch and his blood turn sour. Everyone’s distracted, it goes against their very instinct to first assess the situation from afar before trying to save their patient. But what else can they do? They can’t climb up. They can’t be protected up here.
Yet, Buck stares at them as they all gather around the monitor. Hen can’t go, she’s got kids, a wife. Bobby too, Athena wouldn’t be the same without him. And Chimney… Buck could never do that to Maddie. Never.
Who does Buck have?
He answers by rushing back to the truck, grabbing the tourniquet and rope, and before anyone can say anything to stop him, he’s climbing up the ladder.
“Buck!” comes Bobby’s voice over the radio. “No one cleared you to go up there.”
Buck doesn’t stop climbing, but Bobby’s insistent over the radio forces him to pause.
“I’ve got this, Cap. I brought a tourniquet, and Hen and Chim can walk me through anything else that I need to do.”
There’s no reply after that. He doesn’t stop climbing, sometimes he feels as if he’s being watched, like his every move is being tracked, and maybe it’s just his paranoia, but there’s an instinct screaming within him that this is all going to go wrong. That he needs to run, that he needs to get to cover.
He shoves that instinct as far down as it will go.
Buck gets to the top the crane and carefully but swiftly as he can, he approaches Cliff, keeping his face as calm as he can.
Cliff is crying out in pain, but his speech isn’t slurred which Buck takes as a good sign. Buck placates him, speaking gentle but firm words as he radios and begins to strap the tourniquet above the wound.
“Alright, this is going to hurt,” he warns, and he pulls the strap as tight as it will go.
Now the next step. Taking the grinder out from his bag, he begins to cut the cable, reminding Cliff to remain still as he goes.
When the helicopter arrives, backboard in tow, Buck begins the process of getting him onto it, careful to keep them both balanced, neither of them are hooked up to anything after all.
The hair on the back of his neck raises, just as the first shot is fired. He barely hears it, but he does feel when the bullet grazes against the side of his shoulder, cutting through his flesh. Buck recoils, but he can’t go very far, not if he wants to topple off the crane and fall to his death.
“What was that!” Cliff cries out. Buck crouches and finishes buckling the final strap. He’s not strapped in yet, but there’s no time.
He looks up and signals at the awaiting firefighter above. “Go!” he screams, signalling with his arm. “Go!”
Then comes the next shot comes, and this time it’s aimed at the helicopter.
“GO!”
Cliff begins to rise, and Buck holds the board steady until he’s raising above him, to safety.
Now it’s just Buck that remains. He rushes towards one of the steel beams and tries to hide behind it.
“Buck, what’s going on?” demands Bobby over the radio.
“It’s the shooter!” Buck yells and another bullet impacts with metal, on the exact beam he’s taking cover.
“Stay where you are, we’re coming to you.”
“No!” Buck yells. “Don’t be stupid. You need to find him.”
“You’re too exposed out there, Buck. There’s no time.”
“No one climbs up. I mean it. Find him,” Buck grounds out. He doesn’t have the authority to make such a demand, but he can’t let anyone from the team climb up here, neither can he let a cop. They’ll get picked off one after the other trying to get up here, he just knows it. The only way he can get down is if they find him first. That’s the only way.
“Alright, Buck. Just stay there and relax, they’re looking for him,” says Bobby, his voice calm, but he can hear the terror beneath it all.
Buck sighs with relief. He knows he’s not completely safe behind this beam, but he should have remained more vigilant, remembered that not every part of him is protected.
The bullet strikes him so suddenly, that if he hadn’t been crouching, he might have stumbled forward. He cries out, and grabs onto the beam before he does something even more stupid like falling off the damn crane.
His radio must have been on still because Bobby’s instantly reacting. “Buck, what’s going on?”
The pain makes his head feel so fuzzy. At first, he doesn’t know what’s going on. But when the adrenaline begins to pump through his veins and dull the pain, he knows exactly what just occurred.
“Cap… Cap I…” He presses his hand to the back of his shoulder and his hand comes back even more crimson. Blood glistening on the already dried blood on his gloves.
“Buck?” comes a voice, desperation tinged into every syllable.
Buck hisses through the pain as he sits down properly, pressing his knees to his chest leaning only slightly forward so he can have better leverage to press his hand against the back of his shoulder. With his other hand, he struggles to get out the extra bandages he’d shoved into his pocket, and he wads it up clumsily before pressing it against his shoulder. Then, slowly he leans back so that he can use the beam to keep the bandage wedged between him and the wound.
“Buckley, answer!” this time it’s Hen.
“I’m okay,” Buck croaks out. “I just… got shot.”
“Where?” cries Chim.
“Back of the left shoulder. Doesn’t appear to have gone straight through. I’ve got pressure on the wound…” Buck doesn’t know how to finish the rest of the sentence. Because with what medical training he has, he knows that he’s bleeding too much. Something vital must have been nicked. He doesn’t have much time left.
“Buck, something else is wrong. What’s wrong?” It’s Hen again and a small smile lifts the corner of Buck’s lips. Hen always knows when something is wrong.
“Have you found him yet?” Buck croaks out instead.
“They haven’t. But Athena’s hot on his trail. Just hold in there,” says Bobby.
“If I don’t—” Buck begins to say, but instantly he’s cut off.
“Don’t you even start, Evan Buckley. You are coming down from there, alive,” says Hen, nothing but determination in her tone.
“You can’t be sure of that,” Buck says.
“Oh,” Hen says with a laugh. “I am sure. Just hold on, Buck. Hold on so I can get you all fixed up.”
Buck sighs and he rests his head on the beam, staring up into the blue sky above. What a beautiful day it is. He wishes Eddie could be here, staring up at the sky with him.
God, he misses him.
“Buck. Buck?”
Buck hums, in reply, unable to muster the energy for words.
“Buck, you need to stay awake.”
Does he really need to be? If he sleeps, then the pain now pounding from every inch of left side will stop. He can rest and wake up safe and happy. Maybe even by Eddie’s side.
“Don’t make me call Eddie,” comes Bobby’s voice. The mentioning of Eddie causes Buck’s eyes to fly open and he looks down at his radio as if he’ll be met with Bobby’s face.
“No, he needs to rest!”
“Then you stay awake, or I’ll call him and tell him what an idiot you’re being. Climbing up there, getting your arse exposed. Whose going to tell him if you don’t make it? Whose going to break his heart, Evan Buckley?”
A whine of pain escapes Buck’s lip, pain originating from both his shoulder and his soul.
“He’ll be okay…eventually,” Buck manages to say slightly breathlessly. It’s getting harder to breathe for some reason. The sensation is familiar, too similar to what he’d felt before his pulmonary embolism. Like something’s building within his chest and trying to force its way out. “Cap… Could you tell him for me?”
“Tell him what?”
“Tell him I loved him.”
There’s a moment of silence, before Bobby’s voice is replying shakily, “You’re going to tell him that yourself.”
Buck wishes he could, he does more than anything. But how can when he can feel his chest beginning to rattle with each breath? When he can feel the blood beginning to soak the entirety of his back? He’s bleeding out. There’s no other reality but this.
He doesn’t have the energy to speak anymore. All he can do now is try and keep his eyes open, staring up into that brilliant sea of blue, watching the few clouds float by, witnesses to all.
“We’re coming. Buck hold on, we’re coming,” says Bobby, his voice travelling through the whipping wind. Buck’s eyelids grow too heavy, and he tries, he truly does try, to lift them again.
But the effort is too much.
He awakens as hands are clinging to him and pulling him away from behind the beam, and onto the gangway. But the moment is brief, and the darkness submerges him under once more.
When he awakens again, this time it’s to beeping that’s far too familiar. He groans blinks away the heaviness from his eyes. There’s the sound of shuffling feet, and when his vision is clearer, Buck sees whose waiting by his side.
“Eddie?” Buck groans. Oh… did he truly die then? If Eddie is here, then this must be heaven.
“Slowly now, you only got out of surgery a couple of hours ago.”
Surgery? Since when do you need surgery in heaven?
“Where am I?” Buck manages to croak out, and he clears his throat, but it does nothing to clear the sandpaper feeling from his throat.
“Here, have some water.” Eddie winces, but he stands and gently presses a Styrofoam cup against his lip. Buck opens up and gulps down the water slowly.
“Am I dead?” Buck asks more clearly this time.
Eddie’s eyes widen, and then there’s tears brimming at his waterline. Oh, Buck hadn’t meant to make him cry.
“No, no you bastard. You’re not dead. But.” Eddie laughs wetly. “You sure did try.”
“I’m sorry,” Buck says quickly. He doesn’t want Eddie to cry. That’s the last thing he wants.
Eddie wipes away his tears and that’s when Buck realises the sling holding up his arm, and that… wait, shouldn’t Eddie be resting?!
“What are you doing here, you need to be in bed!” Buck exclaims, and he goes to sit up, but aborts the movement when his shoulder quickly rejects the idea.
“Relax, I can move around, I just have to be careful.”
“Eddie, if you don’t get into bed, I’ll force you there,” Buck says as seriously as he can, even though there’s a smile beginning to lift up his lips.
“Oh?” There’s now a glimmer of humour and relief shining in Eddie’s eyes. “Will you?”
Buck shouldn’t try to sit up just to prove himself, but he fists his hands and digs his knuckles into the mattress, and in a quick but very painful movement, he gets himself sitting up.
“Buck!” Eddie chastises but he winces as he too moves too quickly.
“Look at you two, you just can’t help it can you?” It’s Athena that’s interrupting them, and she shakes her head fondly at the both of them. “I thought the deal was, Mr Diaz, that you’re allowed to sit with Buck if you don’t push yourself.”
“He started it,” Eddie grumbles.
“I believe you were the one that got me started,” Buck says in his defence.
Athena just shakes her head again and she sits in the other chair by Buck’s bed. “How you feeling, Buckley?”
“Like I’m being pumped full of drugs and slightly sore, but other than that, I’m okay.”
Athena nods, and her eyes suddenly turn very serious. “You’re to never pull another stunt like that again, you hear me?”
Buck gulps and nods his head stiffly. “Yeah, uh… won’t happen again.”
Athena seems to accept this, and her expression softens. “You’re scared us all half to death. I hope you know that.”
“It wasn’t my intention,” Buck pleads quietly.
“We know. But…” Athena sighs and she leans forward, gripping Buck’s hand. “I don’t think you realise just how many people you will hurt beyond repair if you go. Bobby…” She takes in a deep breath, as if to centre herself. “Bobby can’t lose another kid, Buck.”
Buck swallows the tears threatening to fall, and he nods his head. “I’m sorry.”
Athena pats his hand and pulls away. “No sorrys, just promises to think more about the people you’ll be leaving behind, the next time you decide to be hero.”
Buck gives her a half-hearted smile. “I think I can promise that.”
Athena nods and clears her throat, getting up from the chair. “Well, I’ll let you boys talk. I can probably fend them off for another ten minutes.” She gives Eddie a look that Buck can’t decipher. “So, better hurry up.”
The door closes softly behind Athena, and Buck gives Eddie a confused expression. “What was that about?”
Eddie clears his throat and looks to Buck. “I got an idea of what down today. How you climbed up there against orders. You got the victim out, and then refused for anyone to come up and get you. Not until the shooter was accounted for.”
Buck nods. “If they climbed up, they just would’ve been shot too. I couldn’t let that happen.”
“You were dying!” Eddie cries out.
Buck looks up at the roof, and sighs. “I… I know. But I couldn’t let anyone else die for me. Or because of me.”
“Why do you do that?” Eddie asks quietly.
Buck turns his head to him. “Do what?”
“Why do you think you’re expendable?”
Buck opens his mouth to reply, but comes short of an answer. Eddie’s eyes darken with anger and he stands up, not even a moment of pain shadowing his expression.
“You think that if you died, people would be sad but eventually move on? Well, you’re wrong. You’re so fucking wrong, Evan.”
Eddie leans forward and gets so close to Buck’s face that he can feel his breath against his lips. “I wouldn’t be able to move on. You hear me? I would be there for Chris, but that’s it. That’s all I would be able to give.”
“Eddie,” Buck whispers.
“So please,” Eddie murmurs, quietly and desperately. “Don’t ever think that we’ll all be okay if you’re gone. That your sacrifice would be easily forgiven and forgotten.”
Eddie’s eyes search his, flickering back and forth. Bucks breathless.
“Please,” Eddie pleads one last time.
Maybe it’s the drugs, maybe it’s the adrenaline. Or maybe it’s because Buck nearly died and what else does he have to lose at this point? He leans forward those last few inches and presses his lips softly against Eddie’s. He doesn’t move, he wants Eddie to make the next choice.
Eddie sighs and then his lips are moving against Buck’s. Buck relaxes instantly, all the tension leaving his muscles and he moves with Eddie, deepening the kiss.
Buck is the first to break away. “I’ll always come back,” he says quietly. “Always for you.”
Eddie smiles and brushes his lips against Buck’s. “I’m holding you to that, Evan Buckley.”