Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

— Reader’s POV —

I don’t think I’ve ever run so fast before in my life… The adrenaline flooding through my veins, pushing my heart to its absolute limit as my feet pounded against the dirt floor, practically soaring through the trees as I bobbed and weaved, avoiding sticky ferns and sharp bushes as branches whizzed above my head. My eyes were blurry with tears as the wind assaulted my vision, forcing me to narrow my gaze as I tried to keep pushing on, swinging my arms and pumping my legs, trying to ignore the pain radiating through my body. My head throbbed with each sharp pulse that came from the base of my neck, making me want to scream and cry out, but with gritted teeth and a frazzled mind, I forced myself to just… Keep running. 

What have I done? What have I done?? What have I done, what have I–  

The words repeated nonstop in my mind as I pushed myself forward, in one direction away from the clearing, as fast as I could. I couldn’t even think of how lost I might be getting, or where I might be going, with such guilt and fear hounding my thoughts and flooding my body with adrenaline - the need to simply keep running away from what I’d done to Jack…

When my senses had finally returned to me, I was horrified with myself, and with how Jack looked. Dark blood matted his hair, his mask askew on his face, allowing me to almost see his cheekbones while he rested face down in the dirt. I didn’t dare lift him and take the mask off... Terror had nearly frozen me in place when I realized how badly I had struck him, and my distressed, chaotic emotions were already in too much of a panic to risk seeing something I’d rather not… Or, seeing more of something I’d rather not. I was running on autopilot and faulty logic when I lifted Jack’s body – carefully returning his mask to his face first, of course – and then carried him to the clearing. Thankfully we weren’t too far, because he felt like he weighed a ton… My noodle-like limbs barely managed to drag him back, and in my haze…

I grabbed the ropes. They were still sturdy enough that I thought they might hold him in place for a while once he awoke, so I tied him… I tied him to the tree. Back against it, his arms pressed against the firm bark to his sides, with as tight a knot as I could muster – granted, it was the same knot I used to tie my shoes, so… I knew it wouldn’t hold him for long. The ropes were sturdy enough to hold the dummies up, but they had still been exposed to the elements for who knows how long! And with Jack recovering outside of that basement, he definitely had more strength than I knew… He could tear them apart in an instant once he put his mind to it, but… All I knew is that when Jack finally woke back up, he’d be pissed at me beyond belief, and I… I just didn’t want him to hurt me even more…

Panting with every breath as I stood there afterward, my throat bobbing and agitating that growing dark bruise around the skin of my neck, I noticed his mask slipping… The plastic, or whatever it was made of, was cracked and broken in just the right spot to start splitting and falling apart. It made my stomach twist again, thinking about how hard I swung the rock down upon him… I felt like throwing up as the pieces slid down his face, matted brown tufts of his hair falling flat against his skin as the deep navy centerpiece fell apart. I had been bent over, hands on my knees as I attempted to catch my breath, when I watched it hit the ground. My mind was already the functional equivalent of TV static, but as my eyes slowly traced upwards, I felt like someone switched it off entirely.

Base instincts kept me in place as I saw Jack’s face in full for the first time… That unnatural skin tone of his was doing the heavy lifting for sure, because the rest of his face looked… Pretty average… His jaw curved into a smooth, flat chin, and his nose, although slightly angular, ran a similarly smooth line down the center of his face. Soft eyelashes and stern brows… If there wasn’t blood on his lips, coating the dark grey of his skin, I would almost think he was a normal man. Then, he’d be maybe 50% less terrifying than he was still.

His eyelids looked abnormally flat though, the way they sagged over his sockets still made my body shiver now, as I ran at full speed, remembering each detail. Thank god I was too scared to step forward, thank every god in the world he didn’t wake up then and there and open his eyes… I knew what was probably beneath them – or, what wasn’t beneath them.

I felt like throwing up again…

And then I had started running, tears forming in the corners of my eyes as I simply turned on my heel and began booking it as fast as I could away from the clearing, away from Jack. Away from the inhuman, cruel, evil, sadistic monster that had pinned me to a tree over a misunderstanding… Perhaps I was also running away from the fact that I felt so horrible doing that to him now, perhaps I was just scared he’d jump awake and rip me apart, but no matter what thoughts ran through my mind, I pumped my legs faster and faster to get away from him.

Jack was a monster through and through, and I made a mistake thinking otherwise, even for a little bit. If I could convince myself of that, maybe I could keep running forever. I was the victim here, I was the one who was chained to a bed that wasn’t mine, held prisoner by a cannibalistic serial killer, never knowing when he’d turn his hungry gaze upon my flesh. Little kindnesses, or being troubled himself, didn’t change the fact that he hurt me with no remorse.

Even if “hurt people, hurt people,” it didn’t mean I should spare him my sympathy when he nearly choked me until I was unconscious.

But even so, my chest tightened, swarming thoughts about how I had bludgeoned him, how my throat ached, and how scared, or angry Jack might be when he woke up, all buzzing in my mind. My feelings had turned into a fuzzy, muddled mess, and my eyes became wetter and wetter as I pumped my burning legs, tears flying away in the breeze before I stumbled over a root and went tumbling to the ground in a heaving pile. Turning onto my back and gasping, my arms came to wrap around my torso, squeezing me in a tight, trembling hug as more of my body throbbed with pain, dirt covering the front of my clothes.

Laying there now, forced to stop and let my emotions catch up to me, I sobbed harder than I thought possible. I had shed so many tears since Jack kidnapped me, but the weight of this situation now felt crushing, my chest constricting violently as I tried to suck in a breath of air, all of it forced back out into a hiccuping cry. Desperation… Hopelessness… Jack and I weren’t so different when we broke down, were we, huh? It felt like a void sucking me in as I backed myself against a tree… Having a rational thought felt like a pipe dream, but as I squeezed my eyes shut I felt some survival system in me kicking in, trying to get me to regulate my breathing so that I didn’t pass out or throw up from crying so hard. 

“Calm down,” it told me, “you need to calm down. Nobody is coming to comfort you, [Name], you have to get it together.” They were harsh words, but they were true, and after a few more minutes of huffing cries and hiccuping breaths, I felt my tears start to dry against my cheeks. Lifting a shaky hand to wipe away the few tears that remained, and pull back the hair that had begun sticking to me, my hand trailed down to my throat before I pulled back with a hiss at the way it stung, like a wasp had found me a perfect target. But when I looked at my fingers, expecting to see sweat and curse the aching bruise pressed into my skin, the deep scarlet drops coloring my pointer and middle finger made me choke instead.

Without blind running to distract me, my thoughts had crept up on me like an animal with weakened prey, and maybe it was that, combined with the blood, that made my adrenaline fueled determination collapse beneath me. Running forever…? [Name]... You have no idea where the hell you are! You don’t have any ‘friends’ who would take you in, or any relatives, that you know of – you don’t know anybody! I was right when I thought it earlier… Nobody is coming to comfort me, or save me, or anything like that… The only person I had ever had in my life was Buddy, and he… He tried to kill me.

“Why… Why, why me…?” I cried out weakly, feeling my eyes blossom with fresh tears as I wiped the blood on my shorts, clutching my knees to my chest. I don’t know what I’d done to deserve this life… It was all so unfair… I had heard the phrase “well, life is unfair!” Said to children in shows and movies for so long, but they usually wound up having some happy ending, where everything was made fair for everyone, but for me… Even if I made it out of here, who would believe anything I said? I HAD killed Buddy, I had no other choice, but even if I could convince them of that, telling them a cannibal had kidnapped me and kept me as his prisoner…? And HE was the one who desecrated the corpse? That was impossible. They’d be doubtful, suspicious, and I couldn’t even blame them for it… There was nothing that could help me, nothing could turn back the clock and make this better…

I could never life a normal life again.

My muscles went slack and I was almost grateful now for the numbness that thought spread through me. It was better than the violent, blurry mess of wires my thoughts were a second before. Resignation… There was no running, there was no miraculous escape I could make… I was stuck with Jack… I understood the path I walked down to sympathize with him now… It was only a hop, skip, and a jump away from understanding that he had been in this same situation before, and a small leap to understand that we were in this together. Humans need to be entertained, to bond, find company in any situation… That’s why that one guy made friends with a volleyball in that movie, wasn’t it? He was crazy, and alone… Jack was just a volleyball that could talk, and understand this horrible, terrifying isolation.

I wiped my face off in my dirty palms, feeling slick with sweat, and tears, and blood all at once… And also resigned. Almost accepting. It was horrible, but if this was the path I was stuck on… The corners of my mouth twitched up as I reluctantly got to my feet, turning to face the path I had just run through. It started off as a chuckle, until it turned into dry, pathetic laughter, manic and destructive, I couldn’t help laughing and laughing as I trekked back down the path. Squeezing my torso tight with my arms, I ambled slowly through the shifting trees and sharp bushes, ignoring the music of the birds and the scurrying of animals…

Hearing stories of women in abusive relationships, I’d always question why they didn’t just run away somewhere else, anywhere else! But I think I finally get it now… Jack had made himself my only option. I didn’t know where I was, I had no resources, no friends or family… Nobody who would believe what I’d been through. Nothing but him. As I approached a familiar path, my laughter finally died with my dim thoughts, my smile bittersweet on my face… I felt the light in my once shining [E/C] eyes start to burn out.

— Jack’s POV —

Jack’s head had never throbbed as violently as it did now, pulsing with such agony that it made him groan and hiss after moving it only slightly… He felt like an egg that had been cracked open at the top, unbearably warm and slick with sweat, or… Something else that made his hair stick to him and lay flat against his head… He’d have stayed there and taken longer to stir awake if the ache didn’t compound with every minute he sat still, making his mind a little concerned now that something actually happened to him – especially since he… Couldn’t exactly remember falling asleep…? Or… Much of anything really, his mind was clouded and fuzzy with pain. His eyelids slowly peeled open as he tried to move his arms, wanting to reach up and touch his head to feel for any injuries, but the sight he saw before him only made him confused, giving him pause as his empty sockets tried to take in where he was…

A brilliant leafy canopy above him, sunbeams filtering through the leaves and broad branches, lighting up the clearing around him. White dummies with slash marks laying spread out on the ground, some covered with small fabric patches sewed into their skin, and the rest of the area covered in a sparse layer of grass and small white or yellow flowers. It was a beautiful image, almost, but in the moment, with no memory, and the realization that he couldn’t move his body, Jack found himself completely terrified. He struggled to move his arms, or any of his body, the pain in his head be damned, but looking down he finally saw the ropes wrapped snugly around his chest, pinning him tightly to the tree. There was no way he had the strength to get out of this… No way…

“No… No, no no–” He muttered, a growl edging into his tone as he began struggling regardless, the ropes positioned just right to bind his shoulders and elbows to the tree, leaving his nails clawing at the ground as he kicked at the dirt beneath him. He couldn’t even turn his chest, leaving him panting as he tried to lean forward and pull away, but the ropes seemed to only grow more taut as he did so, panic growing rapidly in his mind, his heartbeat picking up speed the more he fought to get free.

He grasped at his memories, trying to find anything to explain why he was here now, and what all this was, but with his mind still throbbing with pain, all he found in his fearful state was… 

Buddy…

“NO–” He cried out now, tossing his head back and hitting it on the bark, “NO– No, NO! Let me GO! You CAN’T DO THIS to me!!” He heard a flight of birds take off in the tree, startling him further, his next breath catching in his throat as his eyeless sockets scoured the clearing, looking for something, ANYTHING to help him get free, or make sense of this! For a moment he thought the rope was giving way as he threw himself forward, but it must’ve been a mistake… The next time he tried his chest tightened horribly, and he found his back right against the nasty bark instead. He was gasping now, hyperventilating as his hands gripped the grass and roots beneath him. “PLEASE– PLEASE…. Wha- WHAT if…” The corners of his sockets felt wet, “What if it RAINS? You– You CAN’T… I’m-” He choked on his next words, finding a lump in his throat that made all thought and reason abandon him.

“I’m NOT an animal –! Please…” Black ooze formed tears on his cheek now, dripping down slowly and leaving dark, oily trails on his skin as he hung his head… He could cry and scream out here, and nobody would hear him, he knew it… Even if Buddy was watching him somehow, he wouldn’t set Jack free until this punishment, or game, or whatever, was finished… So he resigned himself to it, how could he not…? But panicked confusion still made his mind race, his thoughts whining like a beligerant child.

Hadn’t he been behaving like the man wanted…?? He hadn’t bitten him at all recently, as much as Jack had wanted to, and he hadn’t shouted and cursed at him, and- and–! Jack ate his meals gratefully, and said thank you, even if it was only so he wasn’t punished like this, but so then… Why? Hadn’t Jack been a good boy…? He was doing his best… He promises, he swears on it, if he needs to be better, if he needs to beg to be taken back inside… He’ll do it, he’ll be good… He’ll be more than good…

“Please…” He croaked, chin nearly resting on his chest now, ash-brown hair falling over his face with a familiar smell accompanying it… Why would anyone do this to him…? He whimpered, his sobbing tears becoming a silent stream of black ooze dripping off his cheeks, his chest tightening and relaxing as he would cry, and then stop, before starting back up again. In the silence of this horrible cycle, he realized the answer to his question… Nothing would change this, and there was no reason for the things Buddy was doing to him. He’s simply a sick man, a sadistic, cruel person, a monster of such proportions that Jack scarcely believed they existed outside of his group of killer friends, and yet… Here he was. Buddy treated him as less than a toy… He was more like a lab rat he could torture to sate some horrid curiosity inside him.

This was just another test… He’d probably leave Jack out here all day and all night, probably even longer than that if he had to guess… He’d leave Jack for any predators to find – not that there could be one worse than himself, at least the wolves would put him out of his misery though. With such thoughtful realizations, perhaps Jack would think to steel his resolve, but… No. No there was no fighting this. This was his life for now, and he had to accept it, he… Had to resign himself to it. 

He didn’t dare try anymore, but he was sure he couldn’t break these ropes, not with his strength as it was now. He had been in that basement for so long, Jack was surprised he could feel his fingers now… Even worse was how much pain his right one was in… Did Buddy break his fingers maybe…? All this time and effort… Buddy was simply trying to break Jack down, and now he only wished Buddy could see that his job was done already… He could see that Jack was ready to behave for him.

There was a light sound of movement ahead of him, the sound of grass and twigs crunching beneath footsteps – strangely light for Buddy’s size, but perhaps it was his failed attempt to sneak up on Jack? Whatever he was doing, Jack, with all the resilience he could muster, didn’t dare to look up. Buddy had already taken his mask and shattered it on the ground before him, destroying his one safe haven, and now without it… His emotions were impossible to hide, he knew his despair, the hopelessness he felt in his core would be written all over his face with black-streaked tears… He didn’t want to see how much delight it brought the man, how he would smile with his disgusting, crooked teeth, and the torturous gleam in his eyes as he looked down at Jack. He knew the pleasure Buddy would get from it, and even though it would be inevitable that the man would coo his name, and force him to look up, Jack would refuse to play into his games so fast at least. 

Still… His chest tightened as he let out a small cry - it was all so… Hopeless at this point… Why hide his despair at this point…? Not that it would appeal to Buddy’s empathy anyhow, Jack knew at this point that his captor was a soulless, cruel man…

The footfalls had quieted only moments after Jack heard them, and were… Silent for longer than Jack expected… Perhaps Buddy was recording him…? His stomach twisted, and he struggled to pull inward, more hair falling in his face as he sniffled and choked out a small sob, his body crawling with disgust at the feeling of being watched now. And yet… The silence continued still, until those small steps came closer, and Jack could just about see a long, dark shadow in his peripheral.

“... Jack…?” The voice was a hoarse croak, followed by a sharp clearing of the throat that made his whole being still. It was a lighter tone, not the gruff, cold maturity of Buddy at all! It sounded like music to his ears compared to that man , and it stirred memories inside of him that gave him the boldness to tilt his head up, towards the person who spoke. What he saw made his ribcage, and in fact almost his whole body relax. That [S/C] skin, the [H/L] [H/C] hair plastered to their face, framing their red and puffy [E/C] eyes… Pools of darkened color staring at him in disbelief and… Fear…? His eyesockets drifted down, noting their dirty clothes, bloody nails, and… The handprint around their throat.

It… Was [Name].

The memories came to him as his gaze drifted back up to their face, eyebrows furrowing… Buddy was long, LONG dead by now, probably cremated or something, that’s how dead he was! And… Jack had kidnapped [Name], Buddy’s ‘kid’ of some relation, and… Jack’s personal savior, his… Angel. Oh god, wait, then… The dummies! Goddamn it, the dummies– he had taken them out here to sew the dummies back together, because he felt bad about the chain! And his… Outburst… All he had wanted to do was make it up to them, and have some company so he wouldn’t feel so alone… [Name] was his the kind soul that had saved him from Buddy’s basement, the ‘pet’ he wanted to keep, but… That bruise… He had done it again, hadn’t he?

Jack flew off the handle, and hurt [Name]. He couldn’t remember the exact scenario, his mind was still fuzzy from the pain – and with all he knew, it was likely that [Name] had defended themself against him somehow – but he couldn’t believe himself. All he wanted to do was make it up to them, and… Instead he acted like the monster he truly is.

“I’m…” Jack took in a gasping, shaky breath, noting how [Name] seemed to step back as he looked in their direction, “I’m sorry… I’m so- so… Sorry…” His expression was empty, despair and resignation mixed into one voidless state inside of him. He wanted to be better than Buddy, he wanted to treat [Name] with some decency, and respect, things HE never got from his own captor… But all he’s done the past few days, and even the past week, is hurt them instead. Isolated with a monster… [Name] had every right to loathe him.

“I’m sorry…” A small, sticky clump of black tears streaked down his face as his head fell forward, knowing his apologies meant little more than the dirt beneath their feet.

— Reader’s POV —

When I arrived back at the clearing, I expected Jack to have already broken free – I thought he’d charge at me and actually choke me until I passed out this time… I thought he’d do worse than that, really. I didn’t expect him to be a pathetic, sniveling mess, the same as me. The first thing I felt was confusion, locked in a state of almost… Awe at how he had broken down, just because of a few ropes I lamely tied around him – I could’ve sworn he’d be strong enough to break them in a snap! Even I thought I could break them if I tried hard enough… But… No. The sight was almost something to behold. No wonder I fell into patterns of sympathy and pity for him, he was a wreck the moment I stepped into the clearing, and… The way he curled up into a ball when I didn’t even say anything? I couldn’t believe my eyes. In fact, I was almost disgusted, with him AND with myself!

This is the man who ruined my life? Who ate my guardian, took me from my home, and nearly choked me into unconsciousness against a tree?? It was pathetic to hear him sniffling like a child… And for a moment the power really did go to my head, seeing him brought down to the same pits of despair he stuck me in…? I wanted to stay there and relish in the bit of satisfaction it brought me that he was struggling and crying because of me, enjoy the few moments where I had power over Jack instead of the other way around, and yet… I just felt… bad. That’s why I felt disgusted with myself.

Even though I had resigned myself to this, feeling pity for Jack, some bit of genuine empathy, made my stomach twist. I mean… I had clearly triggered some kind of episode in him, so it’s no wonder he didn’t try and break the ropes – he probably even thought I was Buddy, or something like that, and… That’s not at all what I had wanted to happen. The power felt okay, but… I had only done this for my safety, not to hurt Jack like this… It made me hate myself to feel such sympathy for him, but as I told myself before… Humans need company, even if that company is a monster – and Jack was still, undeniably, a monster. Even if he was crying and apologizing to me with what seemed like fervent sincerity.

The whole scene made my emotions flip-flop back and forth, from disgust and anger, to a deep, painful empathy… My breakdown into utter despair and resignation seemed now like some depressive fit as I listened to Jack, hearing his helplessness in each muttered word. He and I were painfully similar right now, and I hated how I felt such pity for him… But, if I was going to throw my own pity party, there’s no reason he couldn’t commiserate with me I suppose. We’re stuck here, together… For better and for worse.

“Jack… Just calm down,” I slowly ambled over to him, wonky steps over each pebble and dummy as I approached the tree and kneeled down to untie the ropes. “You’re fine… Nothing’s-... Nothing’s wrong,” I stuttered my words there, knowing things were still FAR from okay as I let the ropes fall slack and stood back up, but… If it got him to stop crying… I just wanted to go back home at this point, dummies be damned. I expected him to get up as soon as the ropes fell away, ready to shuffle home and ignore me for a whole day or more, but all he did was bring his knees to his chest and hug himself into some ball. I couldn’t help frowning now.

“Ss… Sorry… I’m…” I never thought I’d hear him apologize this much, and although at first it was a surprise that made my hateful, despair-filled walls relent, now it just… Made me kind of uncomfortable. Same with his hollowed-out eyes – I knew that moniker of his was going to be literal in the end! – at first they made me kind of sick, and a little afraid I won’t lie, but seeing them for the first time while he’s crying just made things weird… “I get it, I’m sorry too,” my reason for apologizing was definitely weaker than Jack’s was, but the words came out regardless, my arms crossed in an awkward huff hoping this would be done soon, “I only did it to be safe, I thought you would just break through the ropes, not… This.” I paused, staring down at him, still waiting for him to pop up, but… There he stayed, sniffling again.

“Jack, c’mon…” I reached down now, resting my hand on his shoulder before flinching back when he yelped and pulled away. You have GOT to be kidding me … This was just getting kind of sad… I sighed, putting one of my arms slowly around his shoulder, with my other hand resting on his arm. “Let’s just go home,” I insisted, making some progress this time with getting him to slowly uncurl and stand up, nodding his head feebly. He was acting like a kicked puppy…

The moment he got to his feet he instantly started leaning on me for support, and seeing as he was taller, and weighed likely quite a bit more than me, it was a struggle to start walking – not to mention even find the path we took to get here. Once I made out that sparse dirt path, we were set, but I still had to take much slower, stumbling steps along it, seeing as it was made for a single person to walk on their own, and not with some hulking crybaby leaning against your shoulder! What made it even worse was the squishing, and squelching noises I heard now, that I hadn’t noticed before while tying him up… 

There were organs in his hoodie pocket… I had to stop myself from dry retching several times, comforting myself with the idea of a very, VERY long shower once we got back to the cabin – even if all I wanted to do right now was toss Jack off me and tell him to walk with his own two feet… This pity party was really starting to suck if I was the one who had to carry Jack around… At least the walk was quiet, for… The most part.

“Why… Why did I… What happened?” Jack’s voice was a rumble in his chest, and I felt it vibrate against my back as we walked, surprising me with how deep it was all of a sudden. The question itself made me squirm with discomfort as well… He couldn’t remember? You have GOT to be kidding me… I knew hitting him on the head would have some consequences, but I thought they would be good consequences, like the type where he just takes a nap for a bit! Not… The kind where he forgets the events that led up to me bashing his skull in.

I sighed, adjusting his weight against my shoulder.

“After you left the clearing to go… Do your thing, I knocked over my sewing kit and some of the fabric patches flew away. I didn’t want to lose this blue one, so I ran after it,” I started, my voice carrying through the forest, which now felt a lot less loving than it had maybe an hour or two ago. “You came back while I was gone though, and I guess… You thought I was running away or something, so you… Attacked me,” my voice went quiet at the last couple words, the pain that throbbed from the base of my throat every time I spoke punctuating the sentence for me. I felt that resignation creep in again, the strength I was using to hold up Jack faltering for a moment until I readjusted and kept walking.

“I’m… I’m sor–”
“I kicked you in the nuts and knocked you out for good measure,” I broke off his apology, feeling his head against my shoulder made goosebumps rise on my skin, and I hoped at least telling him how I got my payback would break up his gloominess – especially since I didn’t want him to sink even further against me, at that point I’d just be dragging him to the cabin.

“We’re about even, for now,” I muttered, feeling myself almost smile at my own snarkiness, but Jack stayed quiet for a beat longer than normal.

“... I’m sorry… I really am…”

“Ugh…” I grunted, rolling my eyes in irritation, “Stop apologizing, you sound pathetic, Jack.”

“Oh…” He seemed a little surprised, and for a moment I hoped that was the end of it, but, “Sorry…” 

“Uuugghhh!” I groaned now, shifting his weight against me once more, and focusing instead on this walk. If he wasn’t so depressed I’d almost think he did that on purpose as a joke, but it didn’t seem like Jack really knew how to fuck with people like that anyways. Still, I almost laughed at the ridiculousness of all of this! Where did that heart-eating monster go? The one who pinned me to my bed and scared the hell out of me, just for a good time?? Who teased me with the idea of his ‘friends’ coming over, probably just to keep me in line?? Apparently, he was too busy being a crybaby or something to walk on his own, leaving us in uncomfortable silence the whole trek back to the house… This shower was going to be heavenly.

It was a struggle to get the door open with him there, and I was tempted to just toss his arm at the knob and force him to get the hint, but luckily I managed to get in and close it behind me without his help. I never thought I’d walk into this place so confidently, and especially not with Jack slung over my shoulder, but here I was… Practically MASTER of this weird cabin now! Especially since the moment I tried to push Jack off my shoulder, his legs started giving out and I had to scramble to pull him back against me with a huff, his body heat causing me to work up a sweat – not to mention he smelled like dirt, and blood, and… Squelchy organs… Eugh…

“Do I seriously have to walk you to your room?” I muttered a bit spitefully, but with nothing in response, I simply groaned and started heading to the stairs. At this point, I would have preferred dragging Jack up by his arms, seeing as he tripped over every step and I had to heft him up each one! My arms were burning from exertion by the time we got to the top, and I was thankful more than ever now that his door was so close. Another moment to fumble with the knob, and I had the door kicked open, revealing much more of his room than I got to see before, and… I was kind of jealous not gonna lie.

He had some super nice blackout curtains over his window, a tall bookshelf right next to it on the far wall. To our left was a thin pair of doors, slats of wood showing the barest hint of clothing inside, with a simple dresser next to it, a wide mirror stretched out above on the wall. The top of the dresser was decorated with regular boy-stuff clutter – deodorant, some dirty clothes, a comb and a hairbrush both, along with… A spare mask! Good… At least Jack won’t get upset with me later for breaking his other one then. What bare space there was on the wall was decorated with some posters of some punk or rock bands – or both, I couldn’t tell, either way, he had plenty of stuff covering his wall showcasing his many interests - music, and shows - and what seemed to be blurry polaroids and postcards decorating the edges of his dresser mirror. Sheesh… Jack HAS been living here for a while, huh?

Taking a few short steps closer to his messy bed – his nightstand in a similar state of disarray to his dresser – I let him fall onto his bed, the blankets still in a haphazard state from this morning. His whole room was just… A complete mess, same as him. The moment his back hit the bed, all he did was lay there, legs half off the mattress with his arms sprawled out beside him, staring blankly at the ceiling…

Pathetic… Utterly pathetic…

My shoulders sagged forward and I let out a sigh, unwilling to watch him like this anymore. I turned my eyes to his bookshelf instead, noting the thick textbooks and technical journals he had there, the types of books he definitely didn’t bring to me for some light reading, but also of which could perhaps be very useful to me right now... Striding over, I skimmed the titles and content of a few, before finding one that fit EXACTLY what I was looking for. I tucked it under my arm as I headed for the door now, shutting it swiftly behind me with a firm click, glad to be done with watching Jack rot in his bed… It felt like I was definitely a step above a prisoner at this point, at least for now, while Jack was acting like this … And being on somewhat even ground made those wishy-washy feelings of pity and empathy swim in my head even more… 

Sigh… I need a shower.

— * —

“Ow… Ow- hss– Fuck… Ouch–!!” I bit my tongue as I dabbed the damp cotton ball against my skin in small, swift strokes, my distorted reflection on the metal of the first aid kit mocking me. I pulled back the small ball of pain, watching my blood soak into it, staining the white fluffy ball a deep crimson, telling me it was time to toss this one into the pile in the trash. Flinging it into the small bin beside the toilet, I pulled out another one and soaked it with some peroxide, the same as the others, and began patting down the back of my throat – my reflection may have been distorted, but at least the first aid kit was helping me see the spots I missed, since Jack had, for some reason, removed the bathroom mirror.

Really though, of all the places Jack could have CHOSEN to hurt me, he just had to choose my neck, huh? It was still pretty sensitive from last time, and now… I didn’t think this bruise as going away for a while… It was already turning a sickly purple, blue and green staining around the edges as I patted at the spots where fresh blood still dripped down my skin. Jack had been a lot rougher this time, and each light dab from the cotton ball just made me want to put my fist through the wall it stung so bad!

By the time I finished with the cotton balls I just felt sort of nauseous, and as I lifted the gauze to wrap around my throat, I found the memory of Jack’s assault playing through my head on repeat… The fear and resignation… Two emotions that seem to rule my life now. Along with the breathless sensation of pain when my back hit the tree, his nails in my skin, his palm digging into my throat… His hands in general, they just seemed like they were made to hurt…

I lifted the gauze and began gingerly wrapping it around my throat, trying to balance having it snug against my skin, while also not choking me, made even harder with how even the lightest pressure against the bruise made my throat ache – which in turn made my head throb with pain… I was going to have the worst headache once I finished here, I just knew it… My back was still hurting as well, the bark scraping against it likely left a few thin scabs for all I knew. All I wanted to do at this point was lay in bed and go to sleep, especially now that I’d had my shower, but I still had something to do…

Finally, after a few moments of wrapping, unwrapping, and then re-wrapping, I got the gauze fitted snug against my throat in a manner that wouldn’t constrict my breathing, or make my throat ache constantly, but also wouldn’t unravel entirely! I mean, it still hurt, obviously, but… I suspected it would just be like that for a while… I can’t imagine how bad my muscles are going to hurt when I wake up tomorrow, after the workout Jack gave me…

Picking up the first aid kit, I now saw my frazzled reflection with a bit more clarity. Still stretched and squashed at awkward angles from the curve of the metal, but there I was… My hair was sticking out at odd angles, and my skin was much paler than when I left this morning… This morning…? God, that felt like years ago now. It’s been one hell of a day… I let out a bitter chuckle at my own messy reflection before tucking away the kit back under the sink, and striding to my room afterward to finally crack open that book I stole from Jack.

In those mind-numbingly painful moments in those woods, when I had reached my all time low, I had resigned myself to this life, and the fact that Jack is an irredeemable monster… Cruel, and sadistic, and nothing but evil after all he’s done to me, and countless other people… And yet, here I am, reading the damn DSM-5 and feeling twisted up about having sympathy for the guy, again… If he didn’t care about how cruel he was, then why should I? More like, why do I, but I had already accepted the answer to that question… What made it harder for me was his sobbing apologies, and horrific breakdowns… It made me… Question myself, sadly. So here I sat, thumbing through a professional psych book, and trying to find answers. To understand the monster causing me so, so much pain.

Some of it sounded like complete otherworldly jargon to me, with so many technical terms that they obfuscated the meaning half the time, and I had DEFINITELY not studied in any psychology classes… The type you probably should have already taken before reading this, even if I understood that it was a chapter on “anxiety” or something.

Part of me questioned why Jack even had this book, but the idea that he would read something like this for fun made me shudder… Anyone who reads medical, or psych books, for ‘fun’, has something wrong with them… Well, that maybe wasn’t the only thing wrong with Jack, but it was on the list now.

Regardless, I kept thumbing through the pages, jumping from chapter to chapter to try and find the right words to describe what Jack was going through… And maybe learn something about myself too, I mean, if you read a large enough paragraph, you’re bound to find something you relate to eventually. Once I understood a few more of the terms, it was… Begrudgingly… Almost fun to read through the descriptions of certain conditions. Actually, the book was so intriguing, I eventually had to turn on my lamp, since I hadn’t noticed the sun dipping so low, until I could barely read the words in front of me. 

Curled up in the blankets, still scanning through another passage, I let out a yawn and felt myself slowly giving into the idea that I could just read some more of this tomorrow, and hopefully find what I’m looking for then . As I flipped a page however, the start to a new chapter, I found myself locked in at once. My blurry eyes focused on the words immediately, and I had never felt so awake, I even sat up a little straighter and hunched over the pages as I flipped through. I struggled here and there to understand the specific terms and weirder jargon, but once I had read through the chapter, I was certain enough to call it finally…

Jack had PTSD.

Maybe that would be foolish to say, oh [Name]! You kidder! Jack is barely even human, PTSD is such a human thing! Not to mention, diagnosing someone with something so serious is a BIG taboo! But firstly, the guy is human shaped enough, and secondly… His symptoms and behaviors align too perfectly to just brush off the possibility, not to mention… With the shape I found him in, chained to the wall in Buddy’s dim basement, I… Can’t deny there had to be things that happened down there that I don’t know anything about, that were probably more horrific than how Jack has treated me so far… At least he had trusted me enough to take the shackle off my ankle during the day – and apparently the night now, since he wasn’t coming out of his room anytime soon it seemed.

My mental image of Buddy as my sweet, loving guardian had soured long ago, but if Jack had PTSD… I couldn’t imagine Buddy doing something worse than Jack this afternoon, or even worse than when Jack… Ate him… But– The symptoms made too much sense! His outburst this morning at the chain, his reaction when he awoke tied to the tree… Traumatic flashbacks for sure, he definitely thought I was Buddy or something, and that the tree was some kind of… Punishment…? 

God… Buddy, what did you do to him…?

He wasn’t even mad at me when I appeared, he was just confused, and… Resigned, almost sort of scared. He was so, so sorry… My chest became a little tight all of a sudden… Buddy broke him somehow, and now I’m left with the mess of pieces he left Jack in…

The insomnia I’m not sure of, but the nightmares are a definite possibility after his state this morning… Going down the list, the mix of technical words and words I could understand slowly came together into a list I could make more sense of. Agitation, irritation, or hostile behavior? Check, check, and check, I barely even needed to think about that one, which meant mistrust had to be right on the money as well. Jack was practically marking things off on this page like a to-do list or something. Guilt or loneliness? Isolation? Yeah, those I were… Less sure of. Me and him didn’t talk much, and he didn’t seem to have visitors, but 1. His lifestyle didn’t seem very “friendship forward” anyways, and 2. Our situation isn’t the type where he and I are very inclined to spend time together. If anything… Him taking me out today seems to go against that, but… Guilt

I’d need to really get inside his head to figure that one out fully, so… We’ll call that one a maybe. There were so many other listed terms, my eyes went blurry combing through the paragraphs over and over, until I practically had them all memorized. Sleepiness was starting to settle back in now that I had found my answers, I was even starting to lean back against my pillow, fading in and out of consciousness with the book threatening to fall on my face, but at the edge of sleep, I remembered something that I hadn’t thought about in so long… Or, in about a week at least.

I tossed the book aside on my nightstand suddenly, and slowly crept out of my bedroom and down the hallway, taking cautious steps with each creaky floorboard as I passed by Jack’s room, the door still shut tight, just as I left it… I don’t think he’s stepped a foot out of his room since we got back - or at the very least, I haven’t heard his door open at all... Looking down from the top of the stairs, I saw my laptop there on the coffee table, just where Jack left it… What used to be one of my most precious possessions, was now laying there, unused since Jack tried to get in so long ago. I seriously felt like a kid sneaking down to try and catch Santa, or more appropriately, open my gifts before Christmas, but… The laptop is mine anyways, and Jack doesn’t seem like he’s in the mood to care about something so stupid right now, there’s not even any WiFi here, so there’s no danger to me being online whatsoever! So, with swift steps, I hustled down to the living room and sat myself on the couch, pulling the laptop onto my awaiting thighs, the machine so familiar, and yet foreign all at once.

Just in case though, I turned my back to lay against one of the armrests so I could face the staircase, on the off chance Jack finally came out of his room now and caught me doing this… I could at least close everything as quick as possible. Now I felt like a teen trying to look at porn or something… Eugh…

The blue-light glow was startling with how unfamiliar it was after so long… I had basically been living like an off-the-grid hermit since Jack took me here, with nothing but books, naps, and the serenity of nature to occupy my time… On one hand it was… Actually kind of peaceful, but on the other, it did make me feel like I was going somewhat insane… Maybe being so disconnected from technology would feel better if I hadn’t been kidnapped? Meh… Regardless, the artificial light made me feel like I was reclaiming a small bit of myself, and that was… Nice… But my hands still shook as they traced over the keyboard, finger gliding across the touchpad to the button labeled “Switch User.”

It brought me to a simple blue screen that had some strange pattern on it, a default obviously, with two profiles on it. Mine, and Buddy’s.

My finger hesitated as it slid over to his profile, the cursor trembling as I stalled there, biting my lip before I pressed down and opened the log-in screen. Buddy had shared the password with me a while ago, not that it was the type of thing that would have been hard to guess anyways, but I hoped silently that I got it wrong as the little circle spun and spun after I put it in… 

Nope… He didn’t change it.

I felt beyond anxious, or sick when Buddy’s wallpaper loaded in. I still can’t believe Buddy let me have my hair like that when I was a kid… I was so young in this one, smiling from ear to ear, with Buddy leaning over my shoulder as he took the picture, a similar smile on his face. My eyes felt a bit watery, and the whole display made my stomach flip… I couldn’t decide if I wanted to throw up or cry seeing this picture after so long, and after such a painful day… But I settled on neither, just tucking it away into the back of my mind, and fighting to keep it together as I opened the files app, blocking most of his wallpaper thankfully.

The computer was primarily mine, I put my stickers on it, I called it my precious, so on, but Buddy still had an account on it. On account of the fact that his old desktop computer crapped out on him a couple years ago and stopped accepting flash drives, or SD cards. He had tossed the thing a year later, but ever since, whenever he needed to upload any pictures or videos from his camera, he had to use my laptop for it. Sometimes it was just so he could print them, other times to empty some space in his camera’s storage, but mostly it was “to keep our memories safe, for the future!” As he would say. I remember the way his lips would curve, so joyful at the prospect of making some slideshow when I was ‘all grown up’ to replay our ‘greatest hits’ or something. It was all so bittersweet now… And nauseating.

I had to focus though… I don’t know how much time I have to do this, or whether Jack is asleep or not, so it’s better to work as fast as possible – not to mention, I didn’t want to have to stare at all these memories for longer than I had to, but… I just had to know. He’d been… Using my laptop even while Jack was down there, I know it, sometimes I’d wake up and the laptop would be askew, or in a completely different spot, but I simply never questioned it, assuming he had just… Needed it to check his emails, or upload old pictures while I was asleep. Now I feared what I’d find buried in these folders.

Opening his files, I was surprised at the weird system he had… It was organized chaos scrolling through a bunch of photos, and documents, and different folders labeled for events or years… Some pictures I knew would belong in certain folders, were simply there, unsorted, in different categories like “Documents” or “Downloads”, like he had given up while organizing all the hundreds of pictures he took. My search seemed fruitless as I dragged the cursor through pages and pages of pictures and downloaded files, slightly disappointed that there was nothing out of the ordinary here, but moreso grateful Buddy had at least not hidden things from me in here too… Until I found one buried at the bottom of the “Pictures” category.

Its name, in all caps, was simply “JACK.” 

The single picture it showed as a preview, tucked in the file icon, was a dark blur, the only thing I could make out? That deep, navy blue mask I knew so well at this point, angled at the camera, black ooze dripping from the eye sockets… I found it.