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Jesse couldn’t bring himself to leave his room anymore. Everytime he stepped out of his room, Genji’s shadows danced in the halls. His ghost sulked by with a frown. His footsteps echoed through the corridors. His screams found Jesse in his nightmares, as he begged to be set free from Gabe and Jack’s grasp.
The guilt was nauseating. It gnawed at Jesse’s soul until he was trembling on the floor. He had forgotten what it felt like to be happy. He forgot what it was like to exist without feeling like a failure.
So he took to writing letters. When the world became too loud, he found a pen and a graphite pencil, and etched every aching thought onto the paper. He allowed his mind to spill out before him, sharing every thought with the boy he longed to have again before sealing it up and marking it to be sent to Genji. The letters hit the mailbox basin without a sound, and Jesse felt better for a fleeting minute.
My darling,
Life is too empty without you. I miss you a lot, sugar. I miss the grumpy scowl you always gave me, especially when I bugged you too early in the morning. You’re a real ass sometimes, you know that, Shimada?
I don’t care. I could never bring myself to. You’re too damn cute.
Yours forever,
Jess
Sugar,
Do you remember when we stumbled into each other one day, in the bathroom? I had just gotten out of the shower, I was in just my towel, and Lord did those cheeks of yours get pink. You know I saw you keep looking me up and down. You ain’t very sly for a ninja. I thought ninjas were supposed to be slick.
I shoulda kissed you that day. I should’ve flirted with you instead of pretending I couldn’t see you looking at me. Lord, there’s a lot of things I should’ve done different.
I shouldn’t of let them take you. I thought they were gonna help, but I don’t know now. I fucked up, and I’m sorry.
I hope you can bring yourself to forgive me someday.
Yours forever,
Jess
My darling,
They all look at me as if I’m about to break and shatter. They give me these eyes– they’re all cautious and worried about me.
I get it now. How angry you were. How upset you were. I get it. It’s miserable. They act like they can’t talk to me or I’ll fall apart before them.
I should’ve been better.
Yours forever,
Jess
My darling,
Someday we’re gonna live on that ranch together.
It don’t seem like it now, but we have to. We’re going to.
We’ll move out there together, and I’ll get us some cows and chickens together. We’ll tend to them during the day and spend all night together. We’ll sleep under the stars. I’ll show you all the canyons and ridges that I loved as a kid. I’ll teach you how to ride a horse. I’ll give you anything you could ever want, sugar, I promise you.
Maybe someday we’ll get married, maybe have some kids. A girl and a boy. And they won’t ever know what life in Overwatch is like. It’ll be just us and our little family, I promise you.
Yours forever,
Jess
Sugar,
I never told you, but I think I fell in love with you that day. That day we first met.
Angie told me there was some new guy and I just wanted to be friendly, but then you opened that door and goddamn.
I don’t think I was ever the same after that.
I think my life started when I looked at you for the first time.
Yours forever,
Jess
Sugar,
Please. Please give me a sign. Write back. Fuck, send a picture. Tell me you’re okay. Tell me you’re still out there for me. Tell me you want me. Tell me you love me. I’ll wait for you forever, I swear, but give me a sign.
I can’t take it anymore. It hurts too much.
Yours forever,
Jess
But no matter how long he waited, or how often he begged for a reply, Jesse never got a letter back in the mail.
☆ ─── 𐚁 ─── ☆
“I’m leavin’ Overwatch.”
Gabe looked up from where he sat slumped on the sofa. His eyebrows raised up, delivering his shock. “You okay, kiddo?”
Jesse narrowed his eyes. This wasn’t right. Gabe was calm– too calm for someone who was learning of someone’s departure. He’d seen the Commander flip out over much smaller shit than this. “Why ain’t you upset at me?” Jesse asked, his voice edged with his anger. “Why ain’t you tellin’ me I gotta stay, or sayin’ I’m bein’ a stupid kid for leavin’? Why– why don’t you want me to stay?”
Jesse cringed as his words became soaked with something worse than anger– sadness. He squeezed his hands into tight fists at his sides. Gabe inhaled slowly through his nose, and released it in a long exhale.
“It’s not a sin to be a stupid kid,” Gabe said softly. He looked up at Jesse, his eyes filled with sorrow. He swallowed, his eyes darting around as he mulled over his next words in his mind. “If you think you should leave, then that’s your decision. I can’t keep you here, nor am I going to.”
Jesse scoffed, kicking his foot into the couch. Gabe didn’t so much as flinch, and that only pissed Jesse off more. “Yeah, I’m fuckin’ goin’,” Jesse snapped. “I can’t take this shit anymore. The way y’all been treatin’ me since Genji left. That ain’t right. Y’all been actin’ like I’m some glass thing that’ll break if you look at me wrong.” His lips curled down into a low snarl, and he turned around to leave. “Can’t fuckin’ take it…”
“I’ll miss you, kiddo.”
Gabe’s words made Jesse’s heart crack. He paused in his footsteps, and tossed one look back at Gabe. The older man sat quietly on the couch, his hands folded together. His lips were pressed in a thin line and he looked… sad. He’d never seen Gabe sad like that before.
Jesse took his head and continued to walk out of the living room. He let the great big doors to HQ slam shut behind him.
─── ⋆ ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ ⋆ ───
“Genji?” Tekhartha looked up from the pile of the letters that sat on his desk. He was in charge of all information that passed in and out of the monastery. In recent weeks, an influx of letters from the young ninja had been arriving.
Genji opened his eyes, snapped out of his meditation. He stood up from his cross-legged position near Tekhartha’s desk. “Yes, Master?”
“Do you know a Jesse McCree?”
Jesse’s face darkened, and he looked down at his feet. It was as if Tekhartha was suddenly witnessing all of their progress seeping into the floor below the ninja. “Yes… we served on Blackwatch together. Why?”
“No reason,” Tekhartha said as he picked up the pile of letters. He ripped them in half eloquently, before sending them right into the bin. It wasn’t right, yes, he knew that. But he couldn’t have something like this affecting Genji when he was just beginning to heal. “Trying to understand more of your past, that’s all.” He tilted his head to Genji. “Come, Master Shimada. Let’s have tea.”