Work Text:
TITLE: Brucy the battipus!?!?
Featured characters: Heinz Doofenschirmz, Batman
Writers: Benkybot, actualizedCaricature, astralAnomaly, Jesse
Heinz Doofensmirtz worked tirelessly on his new waterslide-inator, setting the last of the cogs into place, nervously checking his watch. It would usually be about this time that his old arch-nemesis Perry the Platypus would lunge from the shadows with a well timed kick, knocking his wrench from his hand, before falling into his well placed trap, and yet, not so much as a strong breeze could be felt against his cheek. Was he late? Is he out sick??
Oh well, said Doofenschmirtz, sighing, seems like it was going to be a boring day afterall. He readied his inator at city hall, ready to embarrass his goody twoshoes brother once and for all, when suddenly a shadowy figure lunged out of the darkness, but it wasn't Perry, it was something much, MUCH bigger. Doofenschmirtz screamed as the dark boot hurled its way towards his face
The boot made contact with his face and Doofenshmirtz fell to the ground in extreme pain. Right after the dark figure leapt at the waterslide-inator and expertly disassembled it with a few kicks in precise spots. Doofenshmirtz was still quite dazed from the extremely violent kick he received but he managed to speak up.
"Umm, excuse me, who are you and why is Perry not here at this time? He's the one who usually shows up to foil my evil plans and we have a very good thing going between us. I simply don't have any room for a new nemesis."
"...I'm Batman.", the tall, dark figure answered.
"Yeah that doesn't really answer my question - ah, fuck, that hurts. Oh hey, I can swear again! The network must not be watching right now."
"I'm here to stop your evil schemes. It's nothing personal."
"Look, I get that, you gotta do your job except it's not your job, its Perry the Platypus's job! Where is he? Did they get their wires crossed at OWCA?"
"OWCA?" The vigilante questioned.
"You're not with them?" Doof questioned. "Well, that makes sense, they don't hire humans after all. Look, can't you just go?"
"No can do. I have a duty to protect this city."
"Augh this is giving me a headache - actually I think my face is broken. You didn't need to do that, man."
"Well, you seem pretty out of commission already". Batman said, before wordlessly approaching the Inator.
"Hey what are you-"
Before Heinz could finish his sentence, Batman kicked the machine hard. He threw a bat gadget at it that made it explode.
"Nooooo my machine D:" Heinz whined.
Suddenly, someone burst through the door. It was... Perry the platypus!
"RRRRRRRRrrrrrrr"
"PERRY! There you are, this strange man in spandex just came in and kicked me in the face and also blew up my Inator. You're the only one that's supposed to do that so this is was a rather rude surprise for me. Do you know anything about this?"
"Is that a platypus? And you are talking to it?" Batman questioned as he stared at the broken door and platypus who is glaring right back at him. Heinz was his arch nemesis and he would not allow anyone else to barge in like this.
"Its not just any platypus, its Perry the platypus, really if you are going to attack me at least do your research. And also his pronouns are he/him so respect that." the put off scientist answered.
Before Batman could process that mess Perry pulled the attention back to himself as he held the control of one of Doofs Giant-Explosion-Inators and aimed it at Arkham Assylum, firing the shot and releasing all the
Fanfic created with #FranticFanfic.