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Hansol doesn’t really remember how it started. They were just talking to his sister a while back prior to finding himself on the couch with Seungkwan straddling his lap, making out with him.
He moves his lips on Seungkwan’s with fervour. Hansol uses his tongue to prod inside Seungkwan’s mouth, tasting every nook as if he’s trying to memorize them. Hansol’s grip on Seungkwan’s hips tightened and his throat felt parched as heat coiled in his abdomen.
For a while, Hansol nibbled on Seungkwan’s lower lip before his mouth dropped down to the latter’s neck with an open-mouthed kiss, sucking on the soft and supple skin with unmasked zeal. If it was only up to him, Hansol would claim Seungkwan in more ways than one and take him apart as he makes the latter his, but he rein in his desire, not wanting to scare the man on top of him.
He forced himself to pull away, completely stopping from staking a claim, and just carded his dishevelled hair using his fingers. He glances at Seungkwan, catching the look of longing that immediately faded when their eyes met. Instead, the older of the two smiled like usual and got off of his lap.
Hansol could taste something bitter in his mouth, but he shrugs it off as usual and stands up from his seat. The impulse to smoke is stronger than ever, enough not to care about the disdain Seungkwan shows every time the latter sees him taking a cigarette out.
“Hey, Boo. I’m going out for a smoke first. Just message me if you need something.” Hansol stated monotonously. He watches as a frown makes its way on Seungkwan’s face.
“When are you going to stop smoking? I told you it’s not good for you.” Seungkwan commented with a sigh.
“Just from time to time.” Whenever I feel like blurting out those three words. He doesn’t say.
“You should stop. I mean it, Sol.” Seungkwan said in a serious voice.
“Mhm.” He replies noncommittally with a shrug of his shoulders. Hansol doesn’t really have the mind to listen to Seungkwan right now. He’s having an internal crisis at this moment; he’s trying to distract himself. “I’ll be back in an hour or two.” Hansol adds before walking off, his calm expression instantly falling when he’s sure his back is completely facing Seungkwan.
It’s not helping that Hansol is in this kind of setup with Seungkwan; acting as if they belong to each other, but there’s nothing really going on between them except the occasional make outs they have. He doesn’t know where to put himself in the older one’s life because Seungkwan hasn’t really talked about it and maybe Hansol is a coward because he doesn’t have it in him to ask.
All of these started a month ago. Seungkwan has been clingier for some reason. Frankly, Hansol is used to it since they have been roommates from the time they entered the university and they’ve been friends for almost three years (they’re in their third year now), but it felt so different starting a month ago. Seungkwan became more affectionate and for lack of a better word, touchy.
On one random night, Seungkwan kissed him on the lips in his sleepy haze. Initially, Hansol thought that Seungkwan would only shrug it off the next day, yet not only did the latter not forget about it, he was also given a morning kiss after. Since that day, Seungkwan randomly pulls him in for a kiss or just plainly showing affection by holding his hand, intertwining their fingers. It’s fucked up to settle for less, but Hansol was willing to take any affection coming from Seungkwan. He was that smitten.
Hansol can sometimes sense his control slipping. It was excruciating to hold himself back from laying his feelings out in the open and he is aware that he could only conceal it for so long. He can’t even blame anyone more than himself for this. He lets Seungkwan do what he wants whenever. He couldn’t find it in himself to say no to the latter, bringing them to their situation now.
“You’re fucking pathetic, Hansol.” Hansol mutters under his breath, carding his hair with his fingers again. He doesn’t even bother to fix himself. He probably looked unkempt right now, but he doesn’t really care.
Hansol entered the lift once its door opened and pressed the button going to the ground floor of their apartment building.
Not a minute later, he reached the lobby and saw the landlady in the front lawn, sweeping the dried leaves on the ground. The old woman turns around, smiling kindly at him. Hansol was not the type of person who easily gives away his smiles, so he just politely nodded at the lady.
“Going somewhere, Hansol?” Mrs. Jung asks. If this was another person, Hansol would’ve ignored them, but their landlady has been very kind throughout the years that they were renting one of her apartment units. He likes her. She’s similar to his mom who’s in another country for business at the moment, very motherly and kind.
“I’m just going to take some fresh air, Mrs. Jung.” He replies politely.
“Alright. Be careful on the road, young one.” The old woman reminded him and went back to what she was doing.
“Will do, Ma’am.” Hansol responded before walking off.
The deafening roar of his motorcycle was a sound that always helped calm Hansol. He was speeding through the not-so-busy streets to cool down, just letting the cold breeze, as the sun sets, hit his face and body. He didn’t even bother to bring his jacket with him; he wanted the chilly air to wake him up and stop himself from snapping.
Not long after, he arrives at his destination—a diner, which is a little far from their university and apartment. He discovered this place when he needed to sort out his feelings after first realizing he had fallen in love with Boo Seungkwan. They serve affordable, good food and the vicinity is a free to smoke area.
“You’re here again, Hansol? We’re actually closing early today to drink here.” The owner-slash-turned friend, Junhui, greeted when the latter noticed him.
“He’s probably heartbroken again.” Minghao, one of the servers, commented with a snicker.
Hansol ignored them, grabbing the laminated menu on his way to the empty seats. He plops down heavily on the wooden chair, causing a loud thud on the floor.
“For fuck’s sake, don’t break my diner, Hansol. It will cost me a fortune to renovate.” Junhui says with a sigh.
“Jun is right. You should grow some balls and just confess to Seungkwan.” Another server, Seokmin, vocalized with a shake of his head.
“I think he’s just using me to pass time.” Hansol tells them as if he’s just talking about the weather.
“How bothersome. If you only had an iota of courage to confess, you wouldn’t even be here.” Minghao stated while still wiping one of the tables clean.
Aside from Seungkwan and his friends from college, these three had become his friends. Hansol clicked with them despite the huge difference in their personalities for some reason. This became the place he hangs around whenever he feels like he’s going to burst and tell Seungkwan everything. He found comfort from these people who were once strangers to him.
“If it was that easy, I would have done so. However, he’s all-over me one minute and distant the next second. I don’t understand his intention.” Hansol sighs, frowning.
“You’re the one making it complicated, Dude. Maybe set it straight with him so that you can move on if it doesn’t work out.” Seokmin clicked his tongue before going into the kitchen.
Call him stupid, but Hansol doesn’t want it to not work out. He wants Seungkwan to be his and he’ll do everything to make that happen, albeit slowly. However, he didn’t voice that out. His friends will probably frown at him for how he thinks.
“Alright, alright. Stop talking about Seungkwan here, Seungkwan there. Finish up with the tables Minghao and Seokmin, then we should all have a drink.” Junhui intervenes, stopping Hansol from saying anything further.
Hansol was casually sitting on the pavement fumbles for something in his pocket, already feeling a little tipsy from all the shots handed to him by the three still drinking inside the closed diner. He retrieves the pack of cigarette and lighter he always has on him. He pulls out a stick and puts it in between his slightly parted lips before igniting the butt with fire. Hansol inhales the smoke, causing his surrounding to spin a little and the nauseating feeling that he’s grown used to hits him. He exhales, letting the fumes out before holding the cig between his index and middle finger.
His phone started ringing in his other pocket for the 11th time tonight, so he looks at the caller; it’s Seungkwan again . He swiftly slides his finger to the red button, casually ending the call once more. He’s sure that Seungkwan’s calling because it’s been more than the two hours he promised, yet he doesn’t have the heart to talk to the other man right now. He’s being an asshole—he was aware. It’s probably going to cause them another fight, yet his mind wants a little respite from thinking about anything. He just continuously consumes the cigarette he lit and let the cold wind wrap around his body.
The wind chime hanging outside the diner jingles, creating a tinkling sound. He then hears the door opening, causing him to glance at it and saw Seokmin coming out of the diner, looking flushed, yet still looking lucid and steadily walking towards him. Hansol looks back in front of him and into the void of the night. There aren’t many people passig by at this time, so the surrounding was quieter.
After a few seconds, he felt Seokmin’s presence, taking a seat on the pavement, beside him. Hansol felt Seokmin’s hand gently patting him on the shoulder as if trying to give him comfort. He sighs, removing the latter’s hand in a way that wasn’t offensive.
“Why did you come out here?” Hansol deadpanned, turning to the older guy and arched an eyebrow.
“I’m fucking tired of Minghao shoving his tongue into Junhui’s mouth when he gets drunk. I don’t even understand why they’re still not together when it’s so obvious how much they’re into each other.” Seokmin answered with exasperation, yet he can hear the trace of fondness from his tone.
“What the fuck? Really? I thought they were dating even back when I was still a stranger to you guys, that’s why I never question their actions.” He asks, baffled at the revelation.
“Nah. Minghao is my best friend. I’ve known him almost all my life. He’s scared of what comes next if he reciprocate Junhui’s feelings.” Seokmin replies, face turning serious. “That’s why he keeps on telling you to grow some balls. He doesn’t want you to be like him—constantly living in fear of what comes after rather than taking a risk and live in the moment.” The latter added with a sigh.
Hansol frowns at that. He doesn’t like being compared even if Minghao is his friend. He is clear with what he wants, but he was just taking it slow. Sooner or later, Seungkwan will end up with him anyways.
“My decisions will be different from Minghao.” Hansol insisted with a resolute tone. “I’m not afraid of taking a risk for Seungkwan, but I just don’t want to scare him. I’m just being cautious and going with his flow.” He added. He sounded like he was convincing himself more than he was convincing Seokmin.
Before his friend could respond, a speeding car stopped just in front of the diner and the headlights flashed at them as if they were caught redhanded. Hansol feels an irritation bubbling in his chest, but the door opened and Seokmin briskly stood up.
“Baby? How come you’re here?” His friend asked with confusion, yet he could see the enthusiasm from the other’s stance as he approached the man.
“To fetch you, of course. You told me you were gonna drink and I couldn’t let you commute. What if someone kidnaps you?” The doe-eyed man answered softly.
“You’re overthinking, Baby.” Seokmin chuckles before turning to him again. “Anyway, this is my friend, Chwe Hansol. Hansol, this is my boyfriend, Hong Jisoo.” The latter added.
Hansol politely nodded and gave the other man a small smile. It was his first time meeting his friend’s partner. To be fair, he didn’t know that Seokmin was already in a committed relationship in spite of their two year friendship.
On the other hand, Jisoo, Seokmin’s boyfriend, just rolled his eyes at him. Instead of taking offense, Hansol shrugged his shoulders and said, “I guess your boyfriend isn’t happy about meeting me, Seokmin.”
Seokmin chuckled and shook his head. All the while, Jisoo is still glaring at him as if he’s an enemy. His friend crouched down a little and whispered something to the other, causing Jisoo’s face to soften. He averts his eyes, not wanting to witness other people being lovey-dovey in front of him.
“We’ll get the two inside and go home, Hansol. You should go back to your dorm too. It’s late and Seungkwan’s probably worrying about you.” Seokmin advised. “A little unsolicited advise, but I still think I should let you know. Be upfront with how you feel about him or you’re going to really regret it if someone else beats you to asking him out formally.” His friend added, pulling his boyfriend into the diner.
Hansol huffed in exasperation. He exhausted the almost finished cig by tapping the butt of the stick a few times on the ground. Once it’s worn out, he stood up from the pavement and went to the nearby trashcan, throwing the leftover cigarette. He then dusted off his pants until he was sure there’s no granules of dirt sticking anymore.
Without bidding anymore goodbyes, he approaches his parked motorcycle and grabs his helmet hanging on the hand clutch, putting it onto his head. He pulls out the key from his pocket and inserts it into the ignition switch, starting the vehicle. He raises one of his legs, putting it over the motorcycle’s until he was properly straddling it before driving off.
Hansol was just standing outside their dorm unit for a good few minutes before deciding to insert the key, twisting the knob as it unlocks. He pushes the door open and immediately caught sight of Seungkwan sitting on the sofa, scrolling aimlessly through his phone. On top of the coffee table were untouched, sealed food and realized that the latter was probably waiting to eat with him,
A sense of guilt hits Hansol. He closes the door behind him, locking it in the process prior to approaching Seungkwan, who just glanced at him expressionlessly. His heart softened. He could never truly get mad at Seungkwan even if sometimes it’s already hurting him.
“Why haven’t you eaten?” Hansol started even though he knows the answer. He just wanted to start a conversation and to ease the tension between them.
Seungkwan turns to him with a frown, putting his cellphone down on his thigh.
“I called. I was going to ask if you could come back and eat with me, but you didn’t answer.” Seungkwan stated.
“I’m sorry. I was drinking with my friends earlier.” He casually utters, contemplating about what to say next. “You know you didn’t have to wait for me.” Hansol reasons, wetting his dry lips with his tongue.
“I just want to eat with you, Sol.” The older man talks in a low voice. “I’ll heat the food up. You should shower first, though. You reek of alcohol and smoke.” The latter added, leaving no room for arguments.
Hansol nodded, instantly agreeing to what Seungkwan wants even though he’s not hungry. He just wanted to avoid a fight and not make Seungkwan angrier. He’s really bad at saying no to the older guy.
He casually dries his hair using his bath towel as he goes out of the bathroom with his sleepwear on. Hansol immediately caught sight of Seungkwan sitting by their dining table since their dorm is generally small. Once he was done using his towel, he carelessly hangs it on his shoulder and pulled the vacant chair to take a seat.
“You didn’t blow dry your hair again.” Seungkwan nags, clicking his tongue.
“Didn’t want to make you wait longer.” Hansol shrugs his shoulders. He grabs his spoon prepared by Seungkwan and scooped a portion of their viand. Instead of placing it in his plate, Hansol sets it into Seungkwan’s first. He got used to serving the other man whenever they ate together. It became a habit that was hard to break and he quite likes serving the latter. It feels intimate.
“You know I can serve myself, right?” He glances at Seungkwan and recognise the fond look that the latter usually gives him whenever he does something nice.
“It’s fine. I just like doing this.” Hansol responded indifferently. He continued to put food in Seungkwan’s plate and when he deemed it enough for the latter, that was the only time he put food in his own plate.
It became silent for a while. They consumed each of their food quietly. Seungkwan usually tells him random stories and he listens attentively, even giving his insights sometimes. However, Hansol was sure that they were both avoiding a fight to breakout between them. He doesn’t want to be the one breaking this pseudo-peace they have even if it means not knowing what the hell the kiss they shared earlier meant to Seungkwan.
Maybe Minghao was right about him not having balls to confess, but he was actually more afraid of what he could do if he finds out Seungkwan can’t reciprocate his feelings. It sounds crazy. He’s really insane. He is aware how deep his feelings are and he wasn’t the type to easily let go. He wants Seungkwan and what’s bad about it is he knows he’ll do anything within his capabilities to get him.
“Hansol!” He snapped out from his thoughts when he hears Seungkwan exclaiming his name. He looks at the older guy and saw the man frowning again. “You’re distracted. Do you have a problem that you do not wish to tell me?” The latter questions. It was clear that Seungkwan was unhappy, but he could also feel that the other guy was trying to stay calm.
“There’s nothing to tell. I’m fine and just a little tired.” Hansol replied, schooling his expression. “Were you saying something earlier?” He asked, shifting the topic back to Seungkwan.
“Oh. Right.” Seungkwan says, sighing exasperatedly. “I was telling you about one of our upperclassmen, Son Hyunwoo. Shownu Hyung.” The latter added after a short pause.
One of Hansol’s brows arched at the mention of another man and asked, “What about him? Was he bothering you?”
“No. That’s not it.” Seungkwan denies before smiling bashfully. “He asked me out on a date tomorrow.” The older man continued, which caused Hansol to tighten his grip around his utensils then a sharp intake of breathe.
“How did you respond?” Hansol asked even though an inkling feeling was already present.
“I agreed, of course! That’s Shownu Hyung!” Seungkwan responded, looking giddy about the whole thing.
Hansol grows quiet from the answer. His heart dropped and he suddenly feels sick like something about what he just heard was nauseating. Then what did those kiss we shared mean? He badly wanted to ask, but he refrains from speaking up. Hansol puts down the utensils and hastily stands up from his seat, almost staggering back from the force. Seungkwan looks at him with wide eyes, but he ignores him.
“I’m not feeling well. I’ll be going first.” Hansol utters expressionlessly. He grabs his plate and poured out the remaining content in the trash before putting the ware in the sink with a loud thud. “Just leave them in the sink when you’re done. I’ll wash the dishes tomorrow once I feel better.” He says over his shoulders perfunctorily, walking off towards their shared bedroom and slamming the door shut.
Hansol swiftly walks to their bunk bed and climbs up to the top, turning his back on the door. He just feels a little bit of himself crumbling down. He put his energy into preventing himself from lashing out at Seungkwan and thinking of ways he could stop the date. Even if he was angry, there’s no way in hell that he’ll really let Seungkwan go on a date with another man. Not when he can do something about it.
Almost an hour passed before he heard the door of their shared room opening. Hansol didn’t turn around and remained in his position. He doesn’t have it in him to talk to Seungkwan. He just feels betrayed and outraged altogether. He closed his eyes and steadied his breathing, pretending to be already sleeping.
“Sol? Are you still awake?” He hears Seungkwan asking in a soft, careful voice. However, Hansol remained unmoved and continued to pretend. “Looks like you are. I guess we can just talk about it tomorrow instead.” He catches the other saying.
Hansol, albeit curious, did nothing to stop Seungkwan from moving away. He just laid there quietly, still contemplating what he should do to stop the date tomorrow. He can’t rest knowing there’s someone who can really take Seungkwan away from him.
He can now bitterly agree to Seokmin’s words from earlier. Hansol regrets not staking a claim on Seungkwan sooner.
Hansol wakes up with a head pounding in pain. A scowl immediately made its way on his face, still feeling shit after an almost sleepless night.
He climbs down from the top bunk and sees that Seungkwan isn’t there anymore. He carded his hair with his fingers, gently untangling the strands, realizing that they’re getting longer and he needs a haircut soon.
Hansol finally went out of the room and even then, Seungkwan was nowhere to be seen. He could feel the irritation getting stronger.
He then spotted something on their dining table. A brown paper bag, obviously a takeout food. Hansol huffed petulantly. It’s not like I can’t buy my own breakfast. He doesn’t have business in making me more confused about what he really wants from me.
Hansol sighs and goes straight to the bathroom, deciding to take his bath first before thinking about anything else. It doesn’t help that his head is still throbbing.
He locks the door behind him and strips out of his clothes, hanging them on their bathroom hooks. He steps under the shower before twisting the handle to turn it on. He lets the droplets of warm water cascade down to his whole body. It was kind of refreshing, especially helpful to his headache that finally eased up a little.
As he starts to clean his body, he thinks about where Seungkwan is right now. Just the thought of the latter having fun with his date is enough to make Hansol angrier. He wasn’t one to just sit back and wait for someone to take what’s supposed to be his. Seungkwan is his. He was here first and no one should ever come in between them.
Hansol could feel the jealousy consuming him despite trying so hard to stay sane until he speaks with Seungkwan. He could taste something bitter in his mouth as his thoughts wander to Seungkwan being sweet and attentive to another person. He scoffs.
With nimble and speedy movements, he finishes taking a bath. He pulls another clean towel from the cabinet since he dropped the previous one somewhere last night, and he starts to pat himself dry. He wrapped the cloth around his torso, making sure it was tight enough not to slip off.
Hansol exits the bathroom with a scowl on his face. His usual calm demeanor was nowhere to be found, even his movements were rough and grim. Anyone who sees him would probably distance themselves or go the other way from how dark his aura is.
He’s aware that he should calm himself down, but there were so many thoughts running inside his head that everything was agitating.
Hansol lets out a heavy sigh and gets ready for the day.
His second class’ lecturer just dismissed them when he saw Seungkwan and another man passing by the window. Hansol’s frown deepened as he swiftly put his things back in his bag and descended the stairs from the higher tables with quick strides until he reached the door, leaving the lecture hall without looking back.
“Hansol!” He hears Chan calling out, but he ignored his best friend and went after the two.
Hansol lost sight of them, causing him to grit his teeth in frustration. With frantic steps, he turned left just so he could start looking for Seungkwan. He runs down the stairs, trying to catch sight of the latter, but to no avail.
By the time he reached the exit toward their university's soccer field, he was already panting from running too much. His legs felt like being pricked with needles and his heart was beating rapidly.
Hansol takes his time to catch his breath before looking ahead in the field. Finally, his eyes looked at the familiar figure standing in the field—Seungkwan was talking to their upperclassman, Shownu, with a bright smile. His blood boiled in jealousy, yet he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down.
He struts forward, approaching them with emotions hidden beneath his calm facade. Although his steps stutter when Seungkwan turns and beams at him. Hansol’s anger immediately melts at the sight. He realizes that he can never really directly get mad at Seungkwan because he admits that he’s a coward for letting another man get in the picture before he can even be brave enough.
Almost three years of hiding his deep-rooted feelings, yet never once did it occur to him that one day he may lose Seungkwan to another person for good. He got too lax.
“You’re not allowed to date Boo.” Hansol says and he watches as Shownu smiles, but does not say anything.
“Hansol! What are you saying!?” Seungkwan asked in exasperation. He glanced at the latter and saw him blushing.
“I was here first, so you can back the fuck off.” He coldly utters. Call him impulsive, but just the sight of this guy pisses him off.
“Chwe Hansol! Who the hell do you think you are to decide for me!? You’re not my boyfriend!” Seungkwan speaks angrily, causing him to turn to the other guy. It was like someone splashed cold water on him and helped him clear his clouded mind.
“Right.” He replies expressionlessly, removing Seungkwan’s hand that was gripping him on the arm. “Those kisses didn’t mean anything and I was just there to pass your time. Thanks for making it clear.” He smirks. He saw Seungkwan’s horrified expression before turning his back on them, but he didn’t dwell on it.
He walked back to where he came from and saw Lee Chan standing by the building’s door. His best friend probably heard everything, but he doesn’t mind. It’s not like he’ll hide it from him.
“What was that?” Chan asked when he reached him.
“A wake up call.” Hansol chuckles lifelessly.
What was I even doing charging here? Get into a fight? Force Seungkwan to be with me? He doesn’t even look at me the same way. How pathetic. He thought with his chest feeling like it’s going to explode.
“Let’s go, Dude. Maybe Seungkwan just said that out of anger.” Chan says with worry in his voice. However, the younger one didn’t ask more about what happened, which Hansol is thankful for. He doesn’t even know how to tell his best friend everything at the moment.
“Mhm.” He responded with despondency.
Even if it’s the case, does it really matter? Hansol mused inside his head.
Hansol didn’t come home to their dorm for days. It was only today that he decided to get his things and move out. He thought about it for days and came to the conclusion that he can’t live with Seungkwan anymore.
He sees Mrs. Jung in the front yard. She’s sweeping the dry, fallen leaves on the ground again. Hansol clears his throat and greets, “Good morning, Mrs. Jung.”
“There you are, Hansol. I haven’t seen you for days.” Mrs. Jung says. “Seungkwan has been asking if you already came back. Did you two have a fight?” The old lady asks.
“Something like that, Ma’am.” He answers honestly.
“Young people nowadays.” Mrs. Jung clicks her tongue in disapproval. “You two should talk about your problems instead of running away. You've been together for some years and you shouldn’t let a fight ruin your relationship.” The latter added, which made Hansol arch a brow in surprise.
All this time, she thought we were a couple? He thought.
“Yes, Ma’am.” It was the only response he could think of.
“Alright, alright. Go make up with your boyfriend, young one.” The old lady says with a dismissing hand.
Hansol hurriedly went inside the building, pressing the lift’s button and waited. It took a few seconds for it to open and he quickly entered the elevator, pressing their floor button.
He sighs in relief. Hansol thought Mrs. Jung would lecture him for a long time. Fortunately, she just said a few words and let him go.
After a brief wait, he reaches their floor and Hansol exits the elevator. He tries to steady his breathing knowing that he’ll have to face Seungkwan after a few days of not seeing each other. The latter was probably worried about him after not telling the older man his whereabouts and just disappeared following their not-so-fight.
He pulls out the key from his pocket, inserting it to the knob before twisting it and pushing the door open. The dorm was quiet and Seungkwan wasn’t by the sofa to watch some random drama airing at this time of the day.
Hansol carelessly removes his shoes just as the bedroom door opens, revealing a haggard-looking Seungkwan. He feels a pang in his heart, but he soon averts his eyes as he crouches down to grab his shoes and put them inside the cabinet.
“Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you to come back, Sol.” Seungkwan was the first one to break the tensed silence between them.
Hansol ignores him, going past the other guy and into their shared room. He went directly to his side of the cabinet and pulled out his suitcase.
“What are you doing? Where are you going? Why are you not talking to me, Hansol!?” He heard Seungkwan’s frantic voice before a hand touched his shoulder. He flinched from the familiar warmth of Seungkwan’s touch, but he forced down the itch to just turn around and embrace the latter.
Hansol removes the hand on his shoulder and turns around to face Seungkwan with a cold smile. He saw the dark bags under Seungkwan’s eyes, but he didn’t give them attention. He just want to quickly finish what he has to do here and leave. It’s just hurting him more to see the person he wants to be with to be this near yet so unreachable.
“Do I have to report everything I do to you?” Hansol asks before he could even stop himself. “I’ll inform Mrs. Jung, but I’m leaving. Don’t worry, I’ll still pay for this month’s lease.” He added after a short pause.
“You’re not leaving! You can’t!” Seungkwan yells, eyes tearing up. “Are we going to be like this from now on? Act like strangers?” The older of the two asked, trying to get a hold of his hand, but Hansol moves back.
“Then, what else do you want from me, Seungkwan!? You made it clear that I’m nothing to you! What else should we talk about when you’ve said it yourself? I’m not your boyfriend!” Hansol yells back, feeling the anger and hurt coming back. “I can’t stay friends with you anymore.” He added, heaving a sigh. He badly wanted to smoke, but he still respects Seungkwan so he just cards his fingers through his hair and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.
“That’s it? You’re really going to pretend that I’m not part of your life?” He hears the older man ask.
“I got hurt! Do you want me to pretend that everything’s fine when we both know it isn’t? Do I always have to put you first before my own feelings?” Hansol almost screamed, sounding extremely angry. “I’m not your boytoy, Seungkwan!” He utters in a harsh voice.
“What the hell are you saying!? When did I ever treat you like a boytoy, Sol? You’re the first one to leave every time we finish making out! You always walkout on me!” Seungkwan hollers back with tears streaming down his face. He could feel his walls crumbling down at the sight. He couldn’t stay mad at this person. Not when they were okay and even now that they’re screaming at each other’s face.
“Because you always act like nothing happened. I’m always walking on eggshells around you. You never tell me what you want, so how do you expect me to stay when I don’t even know what I am to you? What do you even want from me!?” Hansol responds, trying to be calm as much as possible. Despite being high on his emotions, he doesn’t want to hurt Seungkwan. More than ever, he just want to be understood.
“I was waiting for you to confess, but you never did! I couldn’t even get a reaction from you, Sol. You’re always acting calm and collected. I don’t know what’s going inside your mind and it was driving me insane!” The other guy tries to justify.
“Was that why you’re hurting me?” Hansol chuckles in ridicule. “Did you agree to go on a date with Shownu to get back at me? All because you want me to confess?” He added in a low voice.
“That’s not it, Sol I don’t mean it like that.” Seungkwan says with his tone almost pleading.
“You know what, Boo? Just stop playing with me.” He says, sighing dejectedly. “I beg you to leave me alone if you don’t have feelings for me. I don’t want to end up resenting you.” Hansol continued with a calm, distant voice. He turns his back at the older man.
“I said that it’s not like that! Why aren’t you listening to me!?” Seungkwan yells angrily behind him.
Frustrated, Hansol turns around again with furrowed eyebrows. He smirks and cornered Seungkwan at the door of their room, saying, “Tell me. What else do you want from me?”
“I love you, Hansol. I want to be with you.” Seungkwan answers softly, looking him in the eyes. He could feel the sincerity, yet Hansol scoffed. Despite his heart leaping in joy, he wants Seungkwan to know it wasn’t that easy to convince him and he’s not that forgiving.
“Love? Me?” Hansol chuckles, his lips touching Seungkwan’s ear. “Do you really love me or are you just scared to lose your boytoy? You even went on a date with another man.” He taunts before moving away.
“How could you think like that!?” Seungkwan exclaims in frustration. “When you saw us the few days ago, I was already telling Shownu Hyung that I can’t go on a date with another guy when I’m already in love with you. How can I make you believe me, Sol?” There were still tears pooling in the older man’s eyes that the latter tries to blink away.
He could feel something tickling his heart as he stares back at Seungkwan, who was looking at him with an unabashed anticipation. The latter looks desparate right now. Hansol’s resolve already softened, yet he wants to know how much Seungkwan is willing to do to make him believe.
“Prove me that you’re mine, Seungkwan. You can’t just be all talk. Make me believe.” Hansol utters in provocation.
“W-What do you want me to do?” Seungkwan asks, looking unsure.
“Don’t ask me. What can you offer to make me trust your words again, Boo?” He asks with a shrug of his shoulders and smirks when he catches the other guy looking at him with unbridled desire with his face turning red from shame.
Hansol found himself naked waist down while sitting on the bed after provoking the older man. On the other hand, Seungkwan is kneeling on the cold, hard floor, bobbing his head on Hansol’s cock.
“Ah, fuck.” He groans when he feels the tip of his cock hitting the back of Seungkwan’s throat. One of his hands snake up to Seungkwan hair, tightly gripping a handful of strands, then he pulls on them as he starts fucking his mouth.
Hansol looks down at Seungkwan. He catches the latter looking at him with tears falling from his eyes and drooling from the corners of his lips as his mouth is filled with Hansol’s length, thrusting in and out.
“You look so fucked out, Boo.” He utters in a low voice. “Is this how you want to prove you love me? Acting like a fucking whore? Just taking what I give you, huh?” Hansol chuckles in amusement. His little Boo is so pretty even when he’s all disheveled and flustered right.
Seungkwan moans below him when Hansol’s other free hand encircles around his neck. He smiles with a bit of smugness. He started moving his hips with quick, sharp movements, thoroughly fucking Seungkwan’s mouth as he chokes him with just enough force.
“I wish I can take a picture of you like this.” Hansol voiced out to which Seungkwan shakes his head, declining. “However, I’m a selfish man, Baby. I don’t wanna risk other people seeing you like this. This is a sight that I should be the only one who can have a view of. Do you understand?” He added, tightening his grip around Seungkwan’s neck. Only when the latter nodded did he ease his grasp.
Hansol then continued his ministrations. He fucks Seungkwan’s mouth like it was made only for that. His movements were rough, so he could see the older man’s lips turning red and swollen from the force. Instead of stopping, Hansol feels himself getting more turned on at the sight.
Heat coiled in the pit of his abdomen. He could feel himself nearing his climax, so he lets go of Seungkwan’s neck and caught sight of his handprint left on the latter’s skin. Hansol started to rapidly fuck the older man’s mouth without stopping and used it like his personal fleslight.
“You’re so beautiful, Baby.” Hansol complimented in a gruff voice. Seungkwan moaned around his cock, causing him to throw his head back as the pleasure surged and he could feel his climax coming within reach. After a few more thrust, he spills inside Seungkwan’s mouth.
Hansol pulls out even though he wasn’t done cumming, so the semen spurted on Seungkwan face, painting his skin with white liquid. He feels smug seeing the latter like this, but he didn’t show it outwardly and instead, he pulls off his shirt and used it to wipe off the cum on Seungkwan’s face. However, before he could Seungkwan to spit out the remaining cum on his mouth, the older man swallowed it while staring at him. He felt his cock coming to life at the sight again.
“My throat hurts, Sol…” Seungkwan softly whines.
“We only just started, Baby. Are you saying you want to stop now?” He says, combing Seungkwan’s hair using his fingers. The latter instantly shakes his head to refuse his question. “Come on, then. Stand up and strip for me.” He continued, patting the older man on the head.
Seungkwan quietly complies, yet Hansol could see him blushing and acting shyly. He couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped his lips, feeling endeared by just the sight of Seungkwan. Everything they were fighting about earlier was long forgotten by him and he only wants to have a taste of his little Boo.
“Are you laughing at me because I’m not that attractive?” Seungkwan asks with a pout and he could feel the latter turning tensed.
Hansol arches an eyebrow and pulls Seungkwan closer, saying, “You think my cock will be this hard if I don’t find you attractive, hmm? If I wasn’t scared of hurting you, I would’ve bent you down and fucked you without properly prepping you, Boo. You’re the prettiest and sexiest to my eyes, you hear me?”
“What a flowery mouth.” Seungkwan utters, pulling away from him. Hansol chuckles as he resume watching the older man strip his clothes until he was butt naked. His eyes darkened at the sight and he could feel himself salivating at how beautiful Seungkwan is.
“I finally got the chance to see you naked. You’re making my fantasies come true, Baby.” Hansol says, making Seungkwan hit him on the shoulder. “Do you have a lube?” He then asked after remembering.
Seungkwan nodded, pointing at the first drawer of their nightstand. Hansol stands up and pulls the drawer open, grabbing the obviously used bottle of lube. His eyebrows furrowed, feeling jealousy surging again.
“Where did you use this? It’s almost half-empty, Seungkwan.” Hansol asks in a cold voice, turning to the older man with a glare.
“You’re getting jealous for no reason again!” Seungkwan reproaches with a huff. “I use it to finger myself whenever I think of you, especially when you leave me hanging after our makeout session. I imagine you going all the way and fucking me hard until I’m limping.” The latter added, voice getting smaller and his face turning redder from each word.
Hansol’s jealousy was easily gone as soon as it came after hearing Seungkwan’s words. Now, he’s feeling very pleased from the confession. It was such an ego booster for Hansol.
“Alright, I believe you.” He says, acting all calm about it. “On your fours, face down and ass up, Boo.” Hansol added, tapping Seungkwan on the butt cheek.
Seungkwan immediately obliges and positioned himself on the bed. Hansol sat on the side, where he can comfortably reach Seungkwan. He lathers his hand with an ample amount of the lube before pouring it generously on Seungkwan’s still puckered hole. He then experimented with one finger, circling the rim with the tip of his digit before pushing in.
He hears a whimper coming from Seungkwan, so he didn’t push further and asked, “Does it hurt?”
“No. Go on, Sol.” Seungkwan replied. He hums in agreement and thrusted his finger in with one swift move. The older man gasped, but the latter didn’t make him stop, so he continued. He slowly move his finger in and out of Seungkwan’s ass, trying to get the latter used to the intrusion.
“You’re so tight, Baby.” He groans, feeling his finger being gripped by Seungkwan’s tight hole.
“Come on, Sollie. I want more, please…Ah!” Seungkwan whimpers as he pushes another finger in. He moves them slowly for a while before picking up his face, causing the older man to moan. He could feel Seungkwan’s hole tightening around his fingers, making him smirk. It was a new experience, yet Hansol knows he’s going to crave this kind of intimacy more from now on.
Hansol adds another finger. There’s already three digits in total, yet he could surmise that Seungkwan would still be tight around his cock later. The latter was smaller in frame and while Hansol doesn’t have the body of a gym rat, his still bigger than Seungkwan in physique. Aside from that, his girth and length was obviously going to stretch his little Boo later on.
He continuously fingers Seungkwan with three digits, even adding more lube just to make sure that his little Boo won’t get hurt once he really penetrate him with the real thing. Seungkwan was making all the lewd sounds that can make their neighbors embarrassed. Hansol realizes that Seungkwan is loud in bed. He doesn’t care about the sounds he’s making because he’s just feeling the pleasure with his body. Hansol understood that Seungkwan completely lets go of himself in bed.
Once he was sure he can penetrate with ease, Hansol pulls his fingers out and wiped them on the sheets. He stands up, pulling one of their study table chairs and sat down.
“Come on, Boo. Stand up and squat on me a little.” Hansol commands. Seungkwan swiftly complied, so he manoeuvres the latter’s body and made sure the older man’s ass is closer to his cock. They were now facing the wall-mounted full-body mirror they installed inside the room and he could see Seungkwan’s flushed expression from their reflection.
“Can you ride me, Baby?” Hansol asks softly as he wraps one arm around Seungkwan’s torso. The older man nodded. “Good because I want you to watch as I fuck you.” He whispers in Seungkwan’s ear. Using his free hand, Hansol guided his dick into Seungkwan’s entrance until the tip was inside before completely bottoming out by pulling Seungkwan down to his cock. A scream rips out of the older man. Hansol lets him. In fact, he wanted the neighbors to know that he was staking claim on Seungkwan at the moment.
He didn’t move, letting Seungkwan adjust to his size. He knows he wasn’t the biggest, but he’s definitely not small. Hansol is satisfied with himself and he knows he’s more than enough to pleasure Seungkwan.
“Does it still hurt?” Hansol asks.
“You dare ask, Fucker!? I want to limp, but not in pain!” Seungkwan yells with tears streaming from his eyes, reaching out to his hair from behind and pulling at a handful of strands. It was a bit painful, but Hansol just laughed and caressed Seungkwan’s ass cheeks to somehow alleviate the pain.
“Sorry, Baby. Start moving if you’re ready, alright?” He utters, but his tone wasn’t really apologetic.
“You’re so insufferable, Chwe Hansol.” Seungkwan says, pinching him on the thigh, yet also caressing the part where he’s pinched.
Seungkwan started to move quite slowly on top of him. He could feel the latter’s ass clenching around him, causing him to grown from pleasure. Seungkwan feels fucking amazing around him—tight and warm. He looks over the older man’s shoulder and towards their reflection in the mirror. It was fascinating to see them connected down there, and how attractive Seungkwan looks with his lips parted and eyes closed, quietly moaning from the building pleasure.
Not being able to withstand it anymore, Hansol took a hold of Seungkwan’s waist and started to thrust his hips with rapid, sharp movements. He groans when Seungkwan suddenly clenches around him. One of his hands travelled upwards and encircled around the older man’s neck again. He looks at their reflection as he puts pressure on Seungkwan’s neck using his hand while he’s still fucking him roughly, and he immediately saw more tears coming out of the latter’s eyes. He’s getting more aroused at the sight, feeling like he discovered a kink.
“You look so fucking beautiful and unreal, Baby.” Hansol says in a husky voice as he continuously impel himself into Seungkwan’s ass, earning him a loud whine. “Ah, fuck. You feel so good around me.” He groans.
“S-Sol, please…Ah! Ah! Ah!” Seungkwan whines on top of him, reaching him from the back and gripping his hair tightly.
“What do you want, huh?” He whispers into Seungkwan’s ear, wrapping his arm tighter around the latter’s waist and rams into him with more force. Aside from the combined noises they’re letting out, the loud slapping of their skins with each other and the wet squelching of Seungkwan’s walls are the only sounds that could be heard inside their shared room. It was really lewd and arousing.
“I w-want to cum…” Seungkwan trails off, obviously losing his ability to think clearly.
Even Hansol was trying hard to be lucid, yet the pleasure was causing his mind to be clouded from lust. He loves the feeling of Seungkwan against him. It’s as if they were molded to fit each other. He really loves Seungkwan and he’s just so fucking glad he has him now. They could fix other things after this, but for now, he’s having a taste of what’s his.
“You can cum.” He whispers again after gaining some of his sanity with how pliant and tight Seungkwan is around him. Hansol feels like melting.
As heat coiled at the pit of his abdomen, it wasn’t surprising that after a few more thrust, he felt himself cumming for the second time and at this point, he spilled inside Seungkwan. The older man whimpers on top of him and Hansol watches from their reflection how Seungkwan spurted his cum on air with the semen dropping on their floor.
Seungkwan went limp against him as they both catch their breathe. Hansol embraces Seungkwan with both his arms and kissed the other man on the nape before nipping on the skin.
“You’re mine now, Boo. You’ll have to deal with how possessive I am.” Hansol whisper in the other man’s ear.
“I know. You’re now my boyfriend and you can’t backout now, Sol.” Seungkwan responded with a chuckle. “Bring me to bed. I feel so sticky and tired. I haven’t really had a good sleep since you went away.” His little boyfriend added, tapping him on the cheek.
Hansol stands up with Seungkwan in his arms. He deposits the latter on the bed, face down before walking towards the suitcase lying on the floor and putting it back inside the cabinet. After that, he grabs a clean face towel and goes out of the room naked. He goes to the bathroom and seizing a small basin, filling it with warm water.
When he deems the water enough, he goes back to their room and started wiping Seungkwan’s body from head down to his toe. He even used his fingers to clear Seungkwan’s ass from semen.
“Do you feel better?” Hansol asks after.
“Yeah. Join me in bed, please.” Seungkwan says with a pillow muffling his voice.
“Alright, I’ll just put this back in the bathroom and wash my hands.” He agrees, patting Seungkwan on the butt.
“I love you.” Seungkwan says, turning to face him and even giving him a lazy smile.
“Mhm.” Hansol replies, chuckling. “I love you too, sleepyhead.” He adds, feeling giddy.
Seungkwan finally closed his eyes and started to snore softly. Hansol smiles widely for the first time that day.
It was new day after he made up with Seungkwan and they just finished getting ready for their morning class today. Hansol was just waiting for Seungkwan by the door because the latter forgot something in their room.
After a few seconds, Seungkwan came back out, approaching him. Hansol smiles at his boyfriend, who in turn, winks at him playfully. He chuckles, his chest brimming with fondness for the other guy.
“Faster or else we might be late, Baby.” Hansol says. Seungkwan obliged and wore his shoes with speed. “Are you sure you didn’t forget anything?” He asked for the nth time.
“None this time. We can really go.” His little Boo answered, beaming at him. The latter hooked their arms together, so Hansol finally opens the door just as the unit next to them opens too.
It was their neighbor and their upperclassman, Yoon Jeonghan. The older man glares at them when he spotted them. Seungkwan’s grip tightened on his arm, causing Hansol to move Seungkwan behind him.
“Tone down your sex, okay!? The walls are thin! You disturbed my study session yesterday.” Jeonghan says with huff. “If you want a soundproof unit, I can recommend the condo where my boyfriend lives. It’s near the university too. Here. You can inquire.” The latter added with a sigh before handing them a calling card. Hansol accepted the piece of paper and Jeonghan immediately walks away with a wave of his hand.
Seungkwan and Hansol looked at each other before bursting into laughters. Looks like we’ll be moving soon too.