Work Text:
Tony loved coffee. He loved mochas in the winters and iced coffee in the summer. Lattes in the fall and the seasonal specials during the holidays. Hell, he didn’t even wrinkle his nose at the shitty free coffee in lobbies. Coffee was coffee.
The thing was, caffeine made him hyper . Now, this wasn’t inherently a problem, per se. His productivity was phenomenal when he drank it, and while his slightly bouncy demeanor was slightly off-putting to others, his friends were used to it. Plus, R&D were like him in that way so they didn’t even mind. And that was all he really cared about anyway. When he was in college, he may even have milked it a bit. He’d made DUM-E and the rest of his bots that way, since his tendency to fixate on random projects paired beautifully with his little coffee condition.
The only side effect that was slightly negative was the rambling. Specifically, he talked to himself. In his defense, he had lived alone for most of his life. His friends weren’t exactly always around either. Rhodey—who was overseas majority of the time, fucking army (“Airforce, Tony. Say it with me… Air Force.”)—, Happy—who he really only saw when he left the house—, and Pepper—who had loads of work because Tony hated paperwork—. All of whom, Tony adored and didn’t really see for either extended periods or for only short periods of time. And so, his rambling habit led to him just becoming used to holding conversations with himself. He justified it by saying he was talking to JARVIS, which was really only true half the time.
But he didn’t really mind it. Talking aloud actually allowed him to cement his ideas and it often led to breakthroughs. That had always been true, even back in college—where Tony hadn’t really noticed his talking aloud habit because Rhodey had always been there to go back and forth with him. Eventually, JARVIS just started recording him when he rambled because he’d often forget the beginning part of what he was saying and needed a reminder.
So Tony loved coffee. He loved the taste, the way it woke him up, and he didn’t even mind the side effects of caffeine, even if it meant he couldn’t drink much outside the safety of his own place (or the R&D Labs) lest he wanted to cause another international accident. (The less said about his Berlin meeting, the better.)
Then, the Avengers moved in.
It hadn’t really been at the forefront of his mind when had invited them to stay. He fretted more over what they thought of him—like Steve already hating him, and Natasha’s assessment of him. Maybe it was unwise to invite such people into his home, but they saved the world together! They fought in battle and prevailed as a unit. There was no way they could just go their separate ways and never see each other again.
So Tony—after designing separate floors for all of them and overseeing the building—gave them their tours, then settled back in his lab to give them space. He was certain that each of them would stick to their own space, and have minimal contact with the others at first. It only made sense considering who they all were: a man out of time super soldier, two spy assassins, a God from another planet, and a scientist with some hulking anger issues.
That was the reason Tony ventured up to the newly stocked common area kitchen for some more coffee—since he ran out and replenishing his own stash was forgotten in the wake of the team’s anticipated needs.
“What was I even doing in place of buying more coffee?” He whined to himself, “Nothing is more important than coffee ! Past me definitely needed to get a… a…” He wrinkled his nose, placing the mug under the coffee machine, as he searched for a word, “—Past me’s priorities! Those were all fucked up, fucked up I tell you!” He exclaimed as he grabbed his beans of choice from the cabinets and leaned back down to address the coffee machine. “Am I right?”
The question was timed perfectly to the prompting beep of the coffee machine, and Tony nodded vigorously, “I know! Like what was I even thinking? I mean, we could definitely figure that out, for science, of course. That was… what like Wednesday? Thursday? Time is… stupid . It doesn’t exist,” He sniffed haughtily as he poured in water, and flipped the lid down, “I think we were finalizing Cap’s room and discussing…” He drew out the word, gazing his gaze to the ceiling, and then remembered with a start.
“Oh! So the ethics—ethics? Probably not the right word but whatever—of like… ok so Cap’s gotta get used to like this new century right? But comfort! People like comfort, you know? There was, like, this phycological experiment with monkeys to prove it. I think. Maybe. Anyways, I said we should have 40s inspired furniture. And it was logical because the whole 40s aspect would equal comfort, because it’s close to what Rogers’ used to know, but inspired meant new century!” He paused to make jazz hands.
As grabbed the creamer, he continued, “So it’s meant to subconsciously ease him into the future via room decor. Unlike SHIELD’s little plan of surrounding him with the past to the point he’s only surrounded by his grief. And then Rhodey’s all like, ‘Isn’t that kinda super-villainy, though?’ And I—” Tony inhaled, “Well—besides the fact that, technically , that would mean that SHIELD’s thing was also kinda super-villainy—I mean, maybe? Like I never intended to manipulate him, and isn’t that what’s important? Intention? What’s the definition of manipulation anyway? Whatever, so then we started talking about, like, the spectrum of manipulation because like—there had to be some good intended manipulation? Although that wouldn’t technically be called manipulation because duh, synonyms and connotation. Then, Rhodey drew us back to super-villainy and that obviously meant I was out there, living my best life in the grocery store aisles, planning world domination.”
He paused, “It was just a thought experiment, I wouldn’t actually do it because that’s a pain in the ass and I hate politics. But, apparently , some lady told an employee that we—actually it was really only me because I was the one in the store, Rhodey was on the phone with me. He was safe from scolding, bastard—were scaring her and we had to leave the store because we were disturbing the peace. And hey, why is disturbing the peace even a crime anyway? We don’t have any peace, there was nothing to disturb! I call foul.” The coffee machine sang a little tune, indicating the coffee was done, and Tony scooped up his drink, “And yeah, I guess that was why I didn’t get more coffee.” He shrugged.
As he walked out, he muttered, “Maybe I should stop calling Rhodey when I go out,” and headed to the elevator to retreat to his lab again.
He hadn’t noticed Clint and Natasha island near the dining area, listening in on every bit of his rambling.