Chapter Text
The world was saved.
Nick was missing an arm, his kid hated him, and his wife (shit, ex-wife) was missing a few fingers and was currently being tended by Sparrow.
But the world was saved.
By love, of all things. The love of a bunch of kids.
Something that had apparently been impossible for him and the others.
The world was saved, but Lark was staring at him from across the room. They’d blipped back into DADDIES headquarters after leaving Heaven. Nick wasn’t sure how, and he didn’t care. All he cared about was getting out of here as fast as possible.
Away from Lark. Away from his other…
He stopped himself; they weren’t his friends anymore. They hadn’t been for a long time.
But Lark, stubborn as ever approached him, “Nick, can we talk?”
“I don’t want to talk,” Nick snapped, pushing past Lark.
Yes, once upon a time Lark had been stronger and sturdier than Nick, but now Nick was grown. He’d trained - fought - every day in Hell. He was no pushover, he never would be again. And he would not be out-matched again.
“We have to,” Lark hissed, running to step in front of Nick.
“No we don’t. Just because the world is safe doesn’t mean we’re back to being on good terms.”
“That’s why we need to talk, let me explain, you hot-headed fuck!”
Nick stopped, and Lark stared back at him for a long silent moment. They stood across from each other: a one-armed demon with a grudge and a beaten and battered quarter-elf with something to prove.
Nick raised his chin, daring Lark to choose his first words.
He didn’t start out strong, “It wasn’t what you thought.”
Unbelievable.
Nick immediately broke eye contact and moved to step around Lark, who only matched the step, keeping himself firmly planted in front of Nick’s path.
Nick heard his hair start to crackle as little sparks lit up, “Lark, move.”
“Not until you listen.”
“I don’t want to listen to anything you have to say!”
“I didn't come up with that ambush!”
Nick scoffed. Yeah, right. As if Lark wasn’t always one wrong move away from betraying all of them if it meant fixing some invisible problem he faced or created.
Nick didn’t even want to know who Lark was going to blame, but he asked anyway, “Well who did?”
Lark bared his teeth as he growled out his defense: “TERRY!”
“...What?”
That was…not what Nick had expected him to say. Yes, Nick had seen the vision in Hell when Terry reminded him that he’d taken his arm - but, the whole thing being Terry’s idea alone? Was Lark serious? There’s no way Lark would agree with Terry on that.
Lark’s eyes flashed with hurt, “Fuck, Nick, I can't believe you thought I would ever do that.”
Nick shook his head; he wasn’t in the wrong here. After everything he’d seen, after the way Lark had stared at him coldly - that look had been burned into his memory for 15 years.
“Well you came up with Code Purple.”
“So because I found a way to protect us you think that I would sacrifice you in the process? Did you really have so little trust in me? You were one of us! I just thought if you only had to worry about living in one world maybe you wouldn't have to make those kinds of sacrifices. I saw the toll it took on you. You think I didn't notice whenever you texted Cass a lie or how tired you got after only a few days on Earth? How you were being ripped apart? Fuck, Nick, I was trying to help you. But your stupid, stubborn ass - your goody-two-shoes Jodie copy-cat shit made it impossible to talk to you!”
Nick had no idea how Lark had room for so many words, but he breathlessly continued his rant, “Jesus fucking christ, Nick! Terry pulled his ‘holier than thou’ shit and convinced us that it was the only way to keep all of us happy. And as he said, you were a threat because you’d ‘gone rogue’ - you knew about Code Purple. We couldn’t let you walk around with that information…”
Lark’s voice broke as he whispered, “It was never supposed to happen that way.”
Nick rolled his eyes, but blinked back tears, “How the fuck was it supposed to happen then?”
“We were just supposed to scare you. If you were scared or injured you’d go to Hell, we’d follow - talk to Jodie. Talk to you. Figure something out.”
“As if Jodie would listen to you when you’d injured me? You had crossbows pointed at me! What in the fuck were you thinking?”
Lark raised his hands, then curled them into fists. Lark looked like he wanted to strangle Nick but was using every ounce of self-control to hold back, “Jesus, you’re impossible. Why do you think we had crossbows, Nick? Terry wanted something that would scare you, give us an advantage with distance - especially if you flew - but wouldn’t kill you. Don’t you think we know how to kill a demon? We never wanted to hurt you.”
“Why did you have all those notes on demons, Lark?” Nick hissed, crossing his arms, “Why did you lead me on? What, you just wanted to keep bedding the enemy to keep me unsuspecting?”
Lark blinked and lowered his hands, “I was trying to help, I had those notes so I could know what to avoid telling Terry.”
“And?”
“And what?” Lark snipped, tone bitter.
“And why did you keep using me?” Nick’s voice wavered, and he fought to keep that pathetic sappy side of himself down. The part that still loved Lark. The part that wanted Lark to tell him it was all a misunderstanding and a mistake and that he was sorry and to crawl on his knees back to Nicky while begging for forgiveness.
Nicky would forgive him.
But Nick had to stay strong.
He wasn’t some love-sick teen or 20 year old anymore.
Lark seemed to curl in on himself as he shook his head, his voice was soft as a feather as he spoke, “I never used you, Nick. I really lo-” he stopped himself, mouth clamping shut.
Nick felt a stab in his heart as he took in the fact that even now, even after everything, Lark still couldn’t say that word.
‘Love’.
Nick stared at the ground, “People don’t do that to people they love, Lark.”
So quiet it was almost a whisper, “I stabbed Henry…” Nick’s eyes flicked back up to Lark. Lark sighed, “I- I stabbed him out of anger, but also because I thought it would be for the best. And I betrayed you, the only person I’ve ever…because Terry convinced me it needed to be done. Me and Grant held out for as long as we could, but Sparrow and Terry…they wanted to save their families, save themselves. They thought it was the best way to handle it, since you were so against it in the first place. I tried to stop them-”
Lark stopped, and Nick quirked a brow.
What now?
Lark shook his head, “Fuck it, it all sounds like excuses. It’s not - it’s an explanation. I’m sorry, Nick. I should’ve told you.”
Nick gasped in surprise “What?”
Lark shrugged, looking around helplessly before his huge brown eyes landed back on Nick, “I’m sorry. I knew and I didn’t tell you, and I betrayed you and you deserved better.”
“You lied to me. Right to my face, Lark, how am I ever supposed to trust you again?”
“You shouldn’t, I know I wouldn’t if I were you.” Lark wrapped his arms around himself and suddenly they were 16 again. Lark was a scared kid, and Nick was doing his best to understand. Lark was opening up to him, and they were never enemies and they might have a future together if that’s what they chose.
Nick should be angry. He was angry; angry at Lark and the others but angry at himself too. Why was this stupid pity party working on him? Lark always did this: pulled some serious shit and then came back with a half-assed apology and expected everything to be forgiven.
A tiny voice whispered to him though, “But he said it wasn’t his idea. You were wrong.”
No. No, he couldn’t talk his way out of this one. Or rather, Nicky couldn’t listen to that little voice in his head that told him to forgive; told him to go back to Lark.
But Lark looked awful.
He looked like he hadn’t spent a single moment of the past 15 years caring for himself at all. He had bags under his eyes and his hair was tangled and knotted. His clothing - although filled out quite nicely, was tattered and dirty and Nick wondered when the last time Lark changed his wardrobe was.
Did Lark do this to himself on purpose? Lark had the nasty habit of falling into disrepair when he wanted to punish himself for his behavior. Which only resulted in a vicious cycle of self destruction because the disrepair made Lark feel even guiltier.
Nicky sighed, “I don’t forgive you, but-” oh fuck, why did Lark’s eyes have to light up like that when he said that word? “I think with time. Maybe we could…revisit this.”
Lark’s eyes dimmed again, but he nodded slowly, “Okay, so, what then?”
Nick shrugged, “I don’t know. I’ve never been betrayed by my family before and then had one of them try to reconnect like nothing happened in 15 years.”
Lark visibly recoiled, “Yeah, I guess that’s deserved.”
Yes it was.
But Nick was also just being mean.
Some stupid pointless slight in an effort to make Lark feel an ounce of the pain Nick felt. But…maybe he did feel that pain. How much did he struggle trying to fight his own brother to defend Nick? How did he look Terry in the eye and try to defend Nick’s bubble while denying any logical arguments Terry was making? Was their own friendship on the brink of ruin because of Nick?
Of course Lark had chosen them - chosen Sparrow.
He couldn’t risk losing them; not when he was so used to losing Nick over and over and still finding him again.
Maybe Lark hadn’t thought there was a risk at all.
But here Nick was, making excuses, again.
It was instinct at this point, even still.
And you could only fight instinct so much.
“Truce?” Nick offered, holding out his hand.
Lark’s eyes widened, glancing at the hand extended to him. Nick was about to pull it back, deciding it was a bad idea when Lark latched on.
Like he always did.
“Truce.”
“I won’t kill you, I won’t hate you. And one day, maybe I’ll see you again.”
“I hope so,” Lark murmured, wide eyes boring into Nick’s very soul.
Nick let go of Lark’s hand, shoving it into his pocket, “I’ll…see you then.”
“Bye, Nicky.”
Nicky.
Fuck.
He had to go, or he would lose all this progress right here and now. A wavering portal to Hell opened, and Nick barely had time to step through before tears ran down his face.
Stupid Lark.
How dare he drag him right back into all these feelings even all these years later? Nick knew that one day would come sooner than he thought, but he would try to keep himself accountable. He couldn’t just go running back to Lark; not after all the shit he’d been through. And he wouldn’t let Lark have the satisfaction of an easy forgiveness. Lark would have to work for it. Work for him.
If he truly meant it, Nick would know.
It wouldn’t be an easy path for either of them, but if this is what they wanted, then they would find a way - no matter how many times they hurt each other. Because the kind of love Nick had for Lark lasted 15 years even after Lark had broken them.
Nick knew it wasn’t healthy, and it wasn’t right; but it was the only thing he knew. And while he knew he shouldn’t cling to it, what was another broken piece in his shattered glass puzzle?
One day…one day they might be fine - and Nick had to believe that.