Chapter Text
Lux, Lux, lovely Lux!
Lux was such a good listener! So attentive! So patient! So interested! She was SOOOOO much better to share stories with than the grouchy grumps back at home.
Hmph! With those pesky Piltie pricks, Jinx had hardly been able get a word in edgewise without hearing:
"Jinx, don't blow up that big, stupid building!"
"Jinx, stop trying to kidnap my big, stupid girlfriend!"
"Jinx, if you keep attacking this big, stupid city, I'll have to catch you with my big, stupid hands and toss you into a big, stupid jail!"
What ever happened to, "how was your day, Jinx?" How come they never greeted her with a cheerful, "what a lovely bomb you've made, Jinx!" Mean, mean Pilties! Mean Big Sis! Mean Tophat! Those uptowners always pretended to be the most polite people in Runeterra, but none of them ever wanted to listen to her!
Lux, on the other hand...
"It must've been hard to keep up on jobs with your older siblings. You're incredibly resilient!"
"You taught yourself to build chemical machinery? I swear, you must have one of the smartest minds in our generation."
"Have you robbed any other places I might've heard of? The Ecliptic Vaults? That's the most secure bank in Piltover, isn't it? Amazing... There's no place you can't break into, is there?"
Just the thought of Lux's praise made Jinx feel so giddy! In fact, Jinx was so tickled by this positive attention that she felt like doing a backflip off the top of a palace watchtower! Preferably, such a backflip would end with her being caught in Lux's strong, capable arms. And then Jinx could tell Lux more stories while she was carried back to Lux's place!
Seriously, who needed a real girlfriend when fake ones were so great!
Unfortunately, backflipping off of a watchtower and into Lux's arms would have to wait until later. Mainly because Lux wasn't here right now, but also because Jinx was in the middle of her third palace raid. In fact, Jinx ought to be focusing on said palace raid instead of sunbathing on the roof of the watchtower and daydreaming about her shiny, starry-eyed, sword-swinging play-partner.
There would be time to think of more stories to tell Lux later. Now, it was FOCUS TIME!
Rolling her neck and shoulders to get her head back into the game, Jinx peered over the edge of the roof and into the square below.
She was perched above an old courtyard paved in tiles of smooth, pale stone. On the opposite side of the square, a massive, metal door was set under an archway built against a thick wall. The door was guarded by four knights in shining armor, and they had full visibility of the tidy yard before them.
This towering door was the only "official" entryway to the secure section of the palace. If Jinx couldn't enter here, Plan B was to try one of the windows to the royal family's quarters. Plan B would be tricky - those windows were monitored by silverwing raptors! However, Plan B as still preferable to Plan C, which involved some questionable plumbing on an old, stinky section of the palace grounds.
The last two times she'd broken in, Jinx had hitched a ride in a lunch cart to pass the guards at this door. Today, however, they'd swapped the old, cloth-covered carts for bare carts which exposed their contents. This was a security improvement which Jinx herself had suggested, and it was cool to see her ideas being used! Jinx appreciated that the prince was updating security based on her input and keeping this game of thievery fresh for her!
Jinx tapped one hand against her knee, reassessing her options for getting through the door. After some consideration, she focused on the archway above the door. It was behind the guards, out of their sight. The top of the archway offered a ledge wide enough that, if Jinx laid flat, no one entering the square would see her. She could hop up there, wait for someone else to be let in, then smoothly swing herself through the above-eye-level heights of the tall, open doorway!
Of course, the prerequisite for this plan was that Jinx had to reach the archway without being seen.
Hmmm...
A pair of massive, conveniently-placed gargoyles sat back-to-back at one corner of the courtyard's boundary wall. Jinx could hide comfortably between the gargoyles' outstretched wings, wait for the guards' focus to falter, then sprint along the wall and jump onto the archway. Jinx would have to be mindful of being spotted as she moved, but she wouldn't have to worry about being quiet since there were crowds of chatty palace staff on the opposite side of the walls.
Alrighty! That was Plan A!
Step 1: Climb from the watchtower to the gargoyles.
Step 2: Run from the gargoyles to the archway.
Step 3: Swing inside next time the doors opened.
A sweet, seamless set of steps to spirit her onto secure grounds!
Jinx observed the guards. Three of them had their sights trained low over the courtyard, but the fourth seemed conspicuously on edge. She scanned up and down, left and right, over and over and over...
... Wait...
... Wasn't that one of the trainees from we-hate-mages class? The one who'd been sad about afflicted troops never being trusted to enter secure areas?
Well, the trainee was technically still outside of the secure area, but she was right at the door! Good for her! And she'd even taken Jinx's advice about keeping her eyes peeled!
Jinx would have to put a good word in with the bigwigs after this. A tricky guard made Jinx's game much more fun! She'd have to time her movements in plain sight veeeeery carefully!
Showtime! Let's show these knights how sneaky sumprats can be!
Jinx scooted to the edge of the roof. Leaning forward, she watched as the alert guard's gaze swept up, up, up over the wall, then down, down...
Jinx sprung down from the roof so swiftly that the watchtower's occupants wouldn't catch more than a blur. Her hands and toes caught the divots in the stonework. She raced down as deftly as a lizard on steroids, but even so, she'd barely leaped from the wall to the gargoyles by the time her watchful guard looked back up again.
Whew! She'd made it!
... The funny thing was, the hidden space between the gargoyles wasn't as empty as Jinx had expected.
SHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIING!
Jinx heard the blade before she saw it. Ducking on instinct, she barely missed the long knife that sliced over her head. Then, she had to sway aside to miss a second knife that threatened to expose her intestines.
Drawing her handgun, Jinx aimed at her foe's face as the foe simultaneously raised a knife to block the shot.
Gazes locked, weapons raised, both of them froze in their battle-ready poses.
... Huh.
Jinx had been excited at the possibility of a hidden guard waiting to surprise her, but this chick didn't look like a guard. She could've only been a few years older than Jinx, and she wore a close-fitting, all-black outfit that looked ideal for sneaking around in. In contrast, her red hair was vivid and loose, spilling over her shoulders. She also had a tattoo of flowing black lines running down one side of her waist, which Jinx thought was neat, although she preferred colored tats. However, the foe's most distinguishing feature was an old scar slicing down over one of her eyes.
"You're not a guard," said the two-knived scar lady, swiftly looking Jinx up and down. The controlled flick of her eyes against her otherwise unchanged face seemed so slight and careful that it could've been choreographed. This, Jinx realized, was someone who'd practiced making her movements subtle. Interesting! "You don't even look Demacian," scar-lady added.
Jinx grinned. Yeah, the punky plainclothes she'd brought from Zaun made it clear that she was no local, but she wasn't the only outsider! "You don't look like a townie either, Stabby," she pointed out. "Shame! Hidden guards would've been a really fun twist!" Lowering her gaze to her foe's knives, Jinx inspected the serrated edges with interest. Hadn't she seen a similar style of blades on one of her adventures? "Noxian blades, right? You could spill some serious gut-sacks with those bad boys! Can I hold 'em?"
Rudely ignoring Jinx's question, Stabby the Stranger kept firm hands on her knives and asked, "Why are you here? Are your motivations political? Or are you just a thief who prefers high-profile targets?"
Jinx frowned. This no-fun Noxian wasn't going to let Jinx hold her cool knives, was she? "What's it to you?" she groused. "Writing an article on hot criminals? You must be a hell of a reporter, carrying big ole' blades like those. Gettin' your story even if you have to make one yourself, huh?"
The stranger let out a short laugh. Well, at least she had a sense of humor! "My mission is private." Stabby's posture eased just enough that her closest blade was no longer inches from Jinx's face.
Jinx let her own posture follow, lowering her gun to Stabby's chin.
"This palace is no target for novice," Stabby continued. Her tone was dismissive. "Leave, and don't get spotted on your way out. If you're caught here when I'm done, you won't like what you're accused of."
A novice? Now, that was something Jinx hadn't been called since she was a kiddie!
"Novice my ass!" Jinx scoffed. "I'm the best thief in Runeterra! In fact..." She jerked her thumb toward the guards. "I just broke into this joint last week!"
"... Is that so?"
"Yup!" Twirling her gun once in her hand, Jinx straightened her back proudly. "I know this place inside, outside, and underside! All the sides! I know 'em, I've broken into 'em, I've robbed 'em! And today, I'm gonna do it again!"
Stabby held Jinx's gaze, her careful expression unchanging. Jinx stared right back with her most confident, I'm-an-expert grin.
The chick wasn't letting it show, but Jinx knew she had to be impressed! Who wouldn't be wowed by the biggest, baddest burglar ever birthed standin' right in front of them?
... Well, Big Sis had never exactly seemed impressed. Just ticked off. But Lux said that Jinx was awesome, and tons of people in Demacia agreed! This Noxian probably wasn't poisoned by putrid Piltie posh-brained-ness, so she'd have to agree that Jinx was cool!
The pair's stare-down lasted so long that Jinx was sure that gears were turning in Stabby's skull. Something very small changed in her expression. Was she... Amused?
"If you know your way around the guard so well..." Stabby gestured toward the square. In a surprisingly diplomatic tone, she invited, "Go ahead. Lead the way."
Ha! Perfect! Now, Jinx could prove her skills to...
... Hold on...
... Would Prince Jarvan be upset if Jinx let a knife-wielding rando into the palace?
A voice that sounded delightfully similar to Lux's whispered in Jinx's ears, "Yes, Jinx. I think he'd be quite miffed."
Jinx bit her lip and scrunched her nose. Yeah, I guess he'd have a right to be pissed. How about YOU? Would you be mad if I let a sketchy stabby lady into the palace?
"Why, yes, thank you for asking. I'd be very cross with you, and I might even refuse to take you swordfighting for a whole week."
Damn. Conscience-Lux was probably right. Alright. I guess I'll tell Stabby that I'm not allowed to let her in.
"Wonderful! You're such a a good girl."
Jinx shivered unexpectedly. Huh... Where had that come from?
"Not losing your nerve, are you?" prompted Stabby, drawing Jinx back out of her chatty mind.
Jinx scuffed a toe against the stone wall top. "Alright," she said slowly. "Um... Yeah. So. About that."
"Yes?"
"... My girlfriend doesn't want me to play with you."
Stabby raised an eyebrow.
"I mean," Jinx ploughed on, "she doesn't know you specifically, and she doesn't usually say things about the people I hang out with - well, except for that time she said she didn't want me hanging around her crusty uncle - but I reeeeeally feel like you're the type of gal she wouldn't want me around. Y'know, since you're lugging around those big ole' stabby-sticks and all. Kind of makes it looks like you're here to kill somebody."
Both of Stabby's eyebrows were raised now. Jinx took a breath.
"And, yeah, killin' people is fun! I've been there! But being involved in killin' the people in this palace would make me look bad, which would make my gal look bad, and then she might be mad at me and not want to hang out with me anymore! Which would be a HUGE shame, 'cause she's a great listener, and fun to play swords with, and a really good kisser. Like, a FANTASTIC kisser. Now, I never got much of a formal education growing up, but she did, and I'd bet a thousand cogs that she got an A-plus-plus-plus in kissing class! Do schools have kissing classes? I only ever took mage-hating class, and I got an F on the quiz they had us take at the end, but the crusty uncle said he'd raise it to a D and pass me as long as I never dirtied the halls of his training compound ever again, so I - actually, forget that. Not important. Never mind. All I'm trying to to say is, I've got a hot gal waiting for me back at home, and if you kill a guy on my watch, she might never ever ever ever kiss me, ever again!"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..." Stabby let out a long, heavy sigh. Her brow twitched slightly, betraying the most emotion she'd shown since Jinx had laid eyes on her. "That was some speech."
"Uh..." Had it been too much speech? The thought of Lux made Jinx want to talk on and on and on, but perhaps she'd wandered somewhat from the point she was trying to communicate. "We're cool, right?" she asked Stabby. "About me not helping you get in?"
"It's fine," Stabby said. Jinx thought that she was being a very good sport until she added, "but it would've been much easier to kill you if you'd turned your back on me to watch the guards. Now, I'll have to fight you."
Jinx blinked. A scowl broke over her face as Stabby's words processed in her brain. "Oh," she grumbled, "so I say I can't hang out with you, and that's worth spillin' my guts over? Real mature, Stabby!" Then, tipping her head to the side, she added, "Or are you just sooooo jealous of my super cool, great-at-kissing girlfriend that you won't let me go home to enjoy a long, happy life full of savory, sensual smooches?"
"Not at all," Stabby replied calmly, "although I'm sure your girlfriend is wonderful. The real reason I'm going to kill you is because..." The corner of her lip quirked up into a half-grin. "I'm Katarina du Couteau, the best assassin in Noxus. And you..." she paused for a moment, creating a dramatic affect that Jinx couldn't help but admire. "... are an enemy of Noxus, Jinx of Zaun."
Jinx's fingers twitched at her sides. A crow cawed in the distance.
Well, that was a name that no one around here was supposed to know.
"... Jinx?" Jinx tipped her head to the side, putting on a befuddled expression. "Huh. Where'd you hear a name like that?"
"In Noxus, where you committed several crimes three months ago," Katarina replied.
Propping a hand on one hip, Jinx tilted her head the opposite way. "Did I?"
"You broke into the Immortal Bastion."
"Are you sure you've got the right gal?"
"Once inside, you painted your name all over the walls, along with several screaming monkeys."
"Uh..." Yikes. She had done that, hadn't she? "Well, that could've been anyone."
"When the bastion's guards confronted you," Katarina soldiered on, "you laughed in their faces, shouted 'You've been Jinxed!' and blew a massive hole into a two-meter-thick stone wall. Five guards died from the resulting rockfall. Survivors got quite a good look at you before you disappeared in a cloud of pink smoke." Katarina stared at her drily. "It was like you wanted to be seen."
"..." Jinx let out a long, exasperated sigh, rolling her eyes dramatically. "Alright, alright! That does sound kind of like something I miiiiight have done. But in my defense, I was just trying to have a fun vacation! I was stressed after ditching my hometown, okay? I needed to blow off a teensy-weensy bit of steam! Is that a crime? Is it against the law for me to be happy!?"
Unfortunately, Katarina seemed unsympathetic to her plight. "I was sent to Demacia," she said evenly, "with two targets. King Jarvan the third, and the young terrorist his court had hired to test security. A terrorist recommended to his service by the Crownguard family, no less." Her eyes glinted with the fire of her mission. "When the guards find you and the king dead in the same room, they'll assume that you fought and killed each other. They might even wonder if the noble Crownguards had arranged for the killing in a move to gain power. The mistrust your deaths will sow between two of Demacia's most powerful families will be useful for Noxus to take advantage of."
Wow. That was a pretty neat plan! Jinx might've loved it if her death wasn't a part of it. "You really know your stuff about politics around here. Noxus has eyes everywhere, huh?"
The distant crow cawed again.
"It does," Katarina confirmed.
"Weeeeell," Jinx drawled slowly, making a sour face and scratching the back of her neck, "I wasn't kidding about having a gal waiting for me. And if she thinks I assassinated the damn king, she's gonna be pissed! Royally pissed! Murderously pissed! She might run me through with her big, shiny sword, or make me sleep on the couch, or say that she won't kiss me any more!"
"You won't care," Katarina pointed out bluntly. "You'll be dead."
"Oh, I'll be more than dead!" Jinx jammed her thumb against her chest. "I'll be double-dead! There won't be an unbloodied chunk of corpse left of me once she's through with kicking my ass!"
"For a fake girlfriend, you seem to care very much about Miss Crownguard's opinion of you."
Jinx bristled.
Maybe she should've been more concerned about how this knifey Noxian knew so damn much, but... For some reason, the word fake coming from Katarina's mouth made Jinx feel so angry that she honestly didn't care how Katarina knew.
"Fuck you," she spat, then added in a snarl, "nosy, Noxian know-it-all! You wish you had somethin' as awesome and hot and smoochy as me and Blondie's game!"
"I've hit a nerve," Katarina replied as that annoyingly amused expression popped back up on her stupid face. "You're a worthy adversary, and I'd love to give you the honor of dying honestly. Are there any last words you'd like me to send back to your... game partner?"
"Yeah, I've got some words!" Jinx snuck a hand to the chomper belt on her waist. "Come back as a ghost, and tell Blondie I'll be home in time for dinner!"
Jinx snapped off a grenade, pulled the pin, and threw it into the air.
She had a split-second to watch Katarina's eyes go wide before the grenade burst. In a split second, a thick cloud of blue dust onscured everything in sight.
Jinx hadn't actually brought any lethal weapons to her palace raid. Her gun was set to stun, and her bombs were all smokers and painters. Lux had been adamant about Jinx not killing any guards, as that would most likely be somewhat upsetting to Prince Jarvan.
Lethal or not, the smoke cover would give Jinx time to make a move on her foe.
Jinx sighed as the guards below shouted in alarm, noticing her lurid smoke. It would've been nice to maintain her sneakiness so that she could finish her raid after taking care of Stabby Kat, but Jinx didn't doubt what the knife lady said about being a damn good assassin. She knew she'd be kicking herself later if Katarina got past her to kill the king, especially she was blamed for it!
Also, she reeeeeally didn't want Lux to be mad at her, or sad about her king croaking. As much as it sucked to take the side of the monarchy rather than supporting a fellow criminal, Jinx would do it this once, for Lux's sake. And for her own sake too, since Stabby Kat had her heart set on knifing her head off. But this was mainly for Lux.
Ew... Is this how Vi feels when she locks up Trenchers to make Tophat happy? Ugh, don't think about that, don't think about that, don't think about that!
Anyhow, Jinx supposed that the most foolproof way to cover her ass was to be... yuck... responsible, and alert the guards to the presence of a threat.
Two blades raced through the smoke. Jinx hissed when the tip of the first blade nicked her cheek, then she jumped to dodge the second. Following the patterns of swirling dust left in the wake of Katarina's strokes, Jinx estimated her foe's position, then POUNCED!
She slammed solidly into the Noxian, who gasped at the impact. Before Katarina could strike again, Jinx dropped her own weapons to grab and restrain her foe's hands. Together, the pair fell, rolled, and tumbled past the gargoyles...
... right over the edge of the boundary wall.
"GUARDS! NOXIAN!" Jinx hollered. Then, scrunching her eyes shut, she prepared to hit the stone-tiled ground.
Damn it. This was going to hurt.