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It had been three weeks and four days since Kaeya last saw Diluc.
He could tell from the way his burned skin started to slowly morph into a scar, and how his vision slowly stopped waking him every morning with the cold it swept over him.
But just like every morning since then, he chucked the vision out of the window and got ready for the day. It wasn’t like it wasn’t going to come back. It always did.
He really couldn’t explain it, even if he tried. Diluc had left his vision at the hands of the knights before he disappeared, who then gave it to him. Why hadn’t his vision followed him to wherever he had gone?
It would have been nice too, considering the amount of times he’d seen the vision slowly turn gray in the night, and he would panic knowing what that meant. However, it still clung to a small red in the center that pulsed until it filled the vision with deep crimson once more.
But his was…different. He would throw it into trees, cider lake, bury it— it always came back.
Just as he predicted, while he was trying to apply the burn ointment given to him by Barbara he looked away for a few moments. When he looked back at his dresser, the vision laid there as if it had been there all morning.
He threw it again.
Kaeya pulled out a ribbon and put his hair up into a knotty mess. The mirror hanging over his dresser seemed to highlight his deranged look by showing how heavy his eyebags looked, not to mention the sluggish look of the scar on his left eye and on his torso.
He turned from the mirror and reached for his uniform and eye-patch on his bed, and with a small sigh, met his Cryo vision sitting patiently for him.
—
Patrols were normal as usual. People avoided his eye contact and they whispered about what happened to him. About how Diluc had gone missing. About how Kaeya should leave the city.
It made Kaeya sick to know they all thought that what happened was a freak accident, and that his injuries were from said accident for ‘protecting against the formidable dragon, Ursa.’ In reality, he and the knights had arrived after the battle had ended to see Crepus draw his final breath. Yet Crepus would never get the credit he deserved for protecting Mondstadt against the damned dragon.
If Kaeya had just been faster that day. If he had left with Diluc and Crepus. He looked at his vision as he felt coldness suddenly seize him. Cryo had started to crawl up his leg. He sighed.
All he could do was keep moving forward, he couldn't let their words haunt him. What was done was done. He even had the scars from the ‘dragon’ to prove it (he scoffed at himself for that one). He bowed his head and continued his patrol.
—
After ensuring the walls of the city were safe, he would arrive back at headquarters to eat dinner to finish his usual mundane day. It was weird. Everytime he stepped into the building, knowing this was his home now, uneasiness took over his body. He tried not to think of anyone from his past to help with the homesickness. Especially a warm smile and emerald eyes that would always welcome him home.
Archons, he missed her cooking.
He blamed being homesick as to why he would only poke at his food. Showing up for dinner was a pleasantry. After all, he was still a knight and he needed them to know he was.
The only person who seemed to notice, and seemed to care, would eventually tell him to eat.
“You can’t just let yourself decay, Kae,” Jean sighed as she fell into the chair next to him. She had made it her personal duty to ensure that Kaeya didn’t feel like he had been left out after Diluc left the Knights of Favonius. He was glad if he was being honest, after all, no one really talks to him anymore except for her.
Everyone acted weird around him knowing that he might have an idea of why Diluc left. It’s not like if he told them it would change anything. Kaeya could only seethe silently at how the knights had screwed them over.
With a sigh, Kaeya finally started to work on his meal. Jean patted him on the back and flashed him a smile before descending into a small pile of papers in front of her.
Jean was quickly rising the ranks and on the road to becoming another young, yet valuable, member of the knights. It made his heart hurt at the thought. He knew someone who was like that once.
While he finished his dinner, Jean asked him about his vision and his patrols. He’d give her his usual ‘fine’ to which she learned that meant he wouldn’t talk anymore. He was glad at least she understood.
“Hey,” She suddenly paused and looked at him with a stern look in her eyes. “Can I ask you something?”
“…What is it?” Kaeya hesitated. There was nothing stopping that determined look on her face and if she had to look at him like that…it wasn’t good.
She slid a few papers she was scribbling on next to Kaeya’s plate. His eyes widened once he saw the title. Knights of Favonious V. Raginvindr.
“You’re not proposing—“
“That’s exactly what I’m proposing.” She tapped her finger on the title to emphasize her point. “What the knights did was wrong. Varka going along with this is wrong. We all know Eroch that bastard had something to do with it.”
“Jean you’re—“ He stopped his escalating volume and looked around to make sure no one heard him. Once he was certain, he lowered his voice, “You can’t expect Varka to let you do this. No one will believe you.”
“What about believing us.” Jean bumped his shoulder. “You were an eye witness along with other knights!”
“You could lose your job! All of us could be kicked out of Mond!”
“And I refuse to work for a corrupt government anyway,” Jean crossed her arms. “I’ll never let this slide. This isn’t right. It’s not what Vanessa would have wanted.”
“Vanessa has been dead for centuries!”
“Her spirit still watches over all of us.” Jean placed her hand on Kaeya’s, “Please… it’s the right thing to do.”
He yanked his hand away. “You’re being reckless.”
Jean’s eyes seared his skin as he grabbed his plate, “What about justice? What about Crepus and Di—“
“Don’t.” Kaeya grit his teeth. He could see how Jean’s eyes furrowed further.
“Don’t what Kaeya? Fight for your family?”
He stayed silent.
“I can’t believe you,” Jean looked at him with her lips upturned in disgust, like he was mud mixed with blood staining her boot. She had never looked at him like that before and it made him want to wither away under that gaze. “You’re a coward.”
Kaeya froze. He could imagine that look and phrase from so many faces in his life. His biological father, for not upholding his duty in ‘The Loom of Fate’ and instead confessing everything. Crepus, for fooling him into thinking Kaeya was his son. And Diluc. He’d already seen that face on him, and those words stung worse than burns.
But now it was his best friend, along with the eyes of a few knights nearby.
“Yeah. I guess I am.”
He left for his room.
—
Dear Broth
Dear
Diluc,
I'm sorry. For everything. I should have never come here—or stayed, rather.
You were right. I’m sorry. for everything.
Your bro
— K
—
Kaeya laid his quil on his nightstand and leaned back. It hadn’t hit him yet that he was really doing this.
He was leaving Mondstadt. For good.
It wasn’t like it was never going to happen. After all, he knew the abyss would call to him one day and he would be forced to return to the depths. Now was a better time than ever.
Besides, things would be easier. For everyone.
Kaeya threw his bag out the window and carefully descended down the building. If any of the knights caught him they would drag him back to Varka’s office. Kaeya couldn’t stand looking at Varka at where they stood now, so this was his best bet.
His focus returned when he slipped on a brick and grasped at a jutted out corner. A shaky breath flew out of his mouth. He was safe. He thought so at least until his foot slipped again. Kaeya screwed his eyes closed, preparing for the impact. Instead he was met with grass tickling his face…several feet away from where he jumped out.
That was…odd… to say the least. Before he could question it further, he heard footsteps and quickly got to his feet.
The streets were peaceful. When he walked by houses or establishments he could hear the quiet murmuring of voices or the strum of a song. Kaeya ran his hands along the bricks as he walked by, thinking about what each person must be talking about. A part of him was fooling himself into believing someone might grab his hand and take him in to hear their story. They would laugh and pretend like he was meant to be here. He would only laugh at himself, or the concept at least. Even now in the alley, he had to bite back a scoff.
Eventually, the bricks would end and he’d start tracing his finger along the bricks of another building.
Before he knew it, he found himself in front of the bar that brought back so many memories from his childhood. Crepus allowing them to run around with Jean while he finished up, Diluc and Kaeya attempting to steal wine only to be caught.
He couldn’t figure out how he even got to Angel’s Share. Maybe it was the bustling atmosphere inside that was slightly louder than the rest of the buildings along the street. Kaeya looked at his bag, then back at the door. One drink couldn’t hurt.
More reasons appeared as he opened the door to the bar. When he heard the drunken singing of tavern goers, he thought someone should observe to make sure that no one got into a fight. (He knew Charles had it handled, but it didn’t hurt to have a hand). When he sat at the bar and ordered a drink, he thought he should make sure the wine still tasted fine despite Crepus’s death (it would, after all, Elzer was still around). Finally, as he stared into the last drops of his drink he came to terms with the real reason he went inside. It was the closest way he got to saying goodbye to the winery and the place that raised him.
He threw back the rest of his drink. Kaeya was glad that Charles was too busy tending to patrons that he didn’t speak to him. Of course, he knew that Charles kept looking at him when he had the opportunity. Whenever he was about to speak, however, he would be interrupted and the cycle would begin again. It was mildly amusing if Kaeya was being honest. He wondered if he was trying to ask him if he wanted another drink or if he was trying to kick Kaeya out.
Before he could have the opportunity to speak to him again, Kaeya laid a few Mora on the counter as the bard nearby finished his song. The applause was deafening. He didn’t even realize that the bard had pulled out the stool next to him until he bumped his arm into his side.
“Oh! Hello!” The teal bard waved, which caused Kaeya to hesitantly wave back. He had seen the small man (?) before in front of the statue of Barbatos, but when did he start playing in Angel’s Share? Eh, whatever, Angel’s Share wasn’t his business anymore. Besides, he wouldn’t be coming back anyway.
“Wait! Are you leaving?” The bard grabbed Kaeya’s bag. “You forgot this!”
Shit, he would be dead within the first few days if he didn’t have that on his travels. Kaeya cursed at himself for being so air-headed. He gave the bard a half-hearted smile before taking it from his hands, “Thanks.”
“Stay for another drink, would you? I need a drinking buddy.” The bard sighed out the last part as he waved to Charles, who nodded and started pouring some beer.
Kaeya stared hesitantly before taking a seat. He really should get going and be out of Mondstadt before the sun comes up…but this shouldn’t take too long, right?
The bard smiled at him before he motioned to Charles again. Charles seemed to hesitate before he prepared the wine Kaeya drank before. The bard leaned on the bar to face Kaeya, “What’s the bag for anyway?”
Oh no.
“Oh….you know…camping.”
“Camping…when you’re a knight?” The bard lifted an eyebrow looking to the drinks Charles set down. Kaeya tried to hide the badge he forgot to take off.
“K—“ Charles started before he was interrupted by a shout and off again with a defeated look on his face.
Luckily that was distraction enough that the bard couldn’t see the look of panic on Kaeya’s face and the tiny glimmer of frost on his glass.
“Ah well,” he scratched at the back of his neck. “Free time….”
“Mmmhm…” the bard smirked as he sipped on his drink. “Well anyway, Kaeya, can you help a civilian like myself with something before you leave for camping?”
“Sure…?”
“Thank you!” The bard gave him another big smile before it slowly started to slip off. “You see, I’m new to town and I… don’t exactly know how to fit in.”
Kaeya wanted to burst into laughter. Of all knights, he was the worst person to ask. Instead, he nodded. “Well, you already have so many adoring fans. They love you.”
“Yes but do they?” The bard stared deep into his drink. “I’m just a bard who sings for them. They clap for everyone else just the same.”
Now it was Kaeya’s turn to raise his eyebrow. “As someone who’s heard many bards, you are by far the only one I have heard people shout and cheer that much for.”
The bard waved him off, “Eh, but that’s it. They’re just fans. What about friends?”
“You’ll find some. You’re charismatic.”
He laughed, “Thanks! But what if I don’t?”
Kaeya paused. “I guess… go somewhere else.”
“Huh?” The bard looked at him like he had just lost a million Mora. “But if I’ve already built a career for myself here, why would I leave?”
Before Kaeya could answer, the bard continued. “I don’t know. Why not keep trying? Maybe someone will come along. And besides, aren’t there already people that I would have warmed up to? Maybe that would lead somewhere. Besides—“ The bard looked at Charles, “I’m sure Charles and I will be buddies! I’d miss his beautiful face otherwise,” The bard said with a wink.
“I have a girlfriend, Venti,” Charles huffed. “But Ka—“ he was interrupted again, this time he bawled his fists before charging off in the direction of the racket.
And just like last time, Kaeya thanked Charles internally for the distraction. This conversation was getting too close for comfort. He’d never even spoken to this ‘Venti’ person before and he didn’t appreciate where the conversation was going. He’s made up his mind.
“Oh well, I guess we’ll cross that road when we get there.” Venti shrugged before he yawned. “It’s getting late, I think I’ll head out.”
Thank Barbatos. Kaeya had to fight back the urge to sigh in relief.
“Think on what I’ve said though,” Venti placed his hand on Kaeya’s shoulder. “It could come useful in the future. You can leave you drink on my tab.” After a final pat, Venti left.
—
Kaeya left the bar soon after, turning the handle enough so there was only a silent clack as he left into the night.
The bag on his shoulder felt heavier after his conversation with Venti. But this was the right thing. Everyone would be more at peace. There would be room for someone to fill his spot.
He kept telling himself that as he approached the whispering woods. Instead of stepping into the woods, he stopped. Leaving a hole in the knights is just like what his brother did. A hole that Kaeya was forced to attempt to fill.
It didn’t matter. It wasn’t his problem. Kaeya steeled himself and tried to get himself to step forward.
His feet stayed still.
Kaeya ripped his feet from the dirt to reveal icicles attached to the bottom of his boots.
He tried again. Once again, his feet did not move.
“Are you serious!?” He yelled at the ice. It was starting to grow over his boots and up his ankle.
“Let. Me—“ He grit his teeth and tried with all his might to pull his feet up. “Go!”
He didn’t budge. Kaeya let out a frustrated groan as he threw his bag to the ground.
“Just let me leave! Please!” Kaeya balled up his fists before unclasping his vision from his waist. “Stop keeping me here!”
The vision, as if it had a mind of its own, responded by coating his hands in a thin layer of frost.
“DAMN IT!” He chucked his vision across the path. “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE— NONE OF IT—“ He couldn’t stop his hot tears from escaping his eye. “EVERYTHING—“ His voice cracked. “IT’S…It’s….”
Kaeya fell to his knees. When the ice hesitantly started to creep up his legs, he let it. “It’s… my fault. All of it.”
The ice responded by growing further. “I’m just a— a pawn… I’ve been nothing more…” He looked at his hands. The hands that his father held when he told him he was their last hope. To be a shadow. Especially to a red-haired boy who once tugged on his hand to make him follow him everywhere. “Is that all I’m good for..?”
Silence enveloped him. Kaeya stared into the mud, allowing ice to coat his skin. It wasn’t until he felt the cold on his neck that he looked up to find the city of Mondstadt sleeping under the cloudless night sky.
“What am I doing here?” He asked the darkness.
He thought of Diluc’s warm smile. Crepus’s hearty laugh. Adelinde’s embrace.
Then he thought of Diluc’s cold expression as he turned his back on Kaeya, Adelinde’s broken sobs in the dead of night. Crepus…
“It… should have been me…” Kaeya held his head in his cold hands. “Why… why wasn’t it me?”
There was no response from the darkness.
Wind brushed the leaves and wiped a few tears from his eyes. A muffled sound tore through the dark.
Kaeya sat up and strained his ears. Another gush of wind blew against him— away from the woods. The sound echoed again. It was a scream.
Kaeya ripped himself up from the ground, the ice no longer fought him. He whirled his head around, listening for where it came from.
Up on the cliff, the scream sounded again, accompanied by a mitachurl roar. To his horror, he saw a little girl slowly approaching the edge.
He propelled himself forward and vaulted over the hills leading to the edge.
Before he could reach the bottom, the girl fell.
Without thinking he slammed his hands on the ground. Ice shot out of the dirt, creating a small incline of ice. The girl fell onto the ice and slid to where Kaeya was able to catch her.
“Are you okay?” He immediately looked her over for any bleeding.
The toddler wrapped her arms around him and sobbed. Kaeya gently rubbed circles in her back as he tried to move them away from the mitachurl’s glade.
After a few moments of Kaeya trying to calm her, she released him from her death grip, “I—I was so sc—scar—ed..! Tha—Thank you—u Mr. Knight ..!”
She didn’t give him any time before she wrapped her arms around him again.
The tears and ‘thank you’s were never ending as he carried the little girl home. She clung to him and he promised that he wouldn’t let her go.
When they got back to the city, he noticed a woman looking around frantically as she talked to Marjorie.
As they got closer, she looked in their direction and charged their way, “Stella! Oh thank the gods you’re okay!”
“M—Mommy!” The toddler began to cry again as her mother scooped her up into her arms. She was immediately smothered by kisses.
“Thank you so much! I don’t know what I would have done if she…” the mother wiped her eyes with her free hand, “I’m internally in your debt, thank you sir.”
The two made their way home. Kaeya watched as the mother held her child close and how the little girl laid her head on her mother’s shoulder. He watched as she opened her sleeping eyes and gave Kaeya one final wave goodbye. He smiled and waved back.
Kaeya looked up to the sky and breathed in the night air. Another breeze blew by, gently ruffling the loose hairs around his face.
…Was leaving really a good idea?
His father had left. Crepus was gone, and so was Diluc. He didn’t need to stay for anyone anymore.
“Kaeya you bastard!”
Said man jumped out of his skin. He looked to the gates to find Jean storming towards him with a cloaked woman in tow.
“Jean?!”
“Don’t you fucking start it!” Jean pointed an accusatory finger at his chest as her face grew red. “I was worried sick! You left and didn’t say a fucking word and I was forced to drag this poor woman here to help look for you—you—“ she burst into tears. “You fucking jerk! You can’t leave me like that!”
Kaeya was stunned. He hesitantly held out a hand to Jean. She dragged his hand over her shoulder as she held him in a tight embrace. Kaeya patted her back as she continued to cry. This was foreign to him, after all, Jean was such a strong person. He never saw her breakdown like this.
Before he could question it further, Jean straightened up and wiped her eyes. “There’s someone who’s come to see you. I’ll…I’ll just head back to the barracks.”
“Jean, wait.” He quickly grabbed her sleeve. “I…I thought about what you said.”
“I’m sor—“
“No. I am.” Kaeya held her hand with his own. “You’re right. They need to be held accountable.”
Her anger and sadness seemed to dissipate at those words. “We’ll work on it. We got this.” She offered him a handshake, which he quickly returned.
Jean threw him her fearless smile before heading back. He could still hear her sniffles echoing down the street.
His attention turned to the lady still standing by the gates. He watched as she took a few hesitant steps forward. Finally she pulled back her hood, and Kaeya’s heart dropped.
Standing in the dim moonlight of the city, in all her glory, was Adelinde. Her emerald eyes swam with tears as a small smile filled her smile lines. Kaeya couldn’t keep back his sobs as he ran to her embrace.
They stood still for a while, sobbing in each other’s arms. Kaeya muttered about how much he missed her, and Adelinde hushed him while she combed her fingers through his hair.
After they separated, Adelinde lightly slapped Kaeya’s shoulder. “She’s right you know, you gave me quite the scare!”
Kaeya gave her a small smile, “Sorry Addie…”
She put her hands on her hips as she raised an eyebrow at the knight, “You better be.” Her serious demeanor quickly melted away as a more gentle one took its place. “Do you want to go home?”
He froze. “Home?”
“You can… if you want.” She tried to retain eye contact with him, but he saw how she fiddled with her hands.
If this were a few days ago, or even this morning, he would jump on the opportunity. But now he thought of that little girl. He thought of Jean and Adelinde. He thought of Charles and Barbara. He thought of the people of Mondstadt and the generations to come.
He was their knight and he would do anything to protect them.
“I think… I’m going to stay here for a while.” He finally answered.
Adelinde smiled as she cupped his face in her hands. Her thumb gently brushed his cheeks and the scar by his eye. Kaeya leaned in to her touch. “Good. I’m glad.”
Kaeya smiled.
“Would you mind walking me to the tavern though? I’m getting older and I can’t make it back to the winery tonight.” She looked wearily at the man in front of her, which made Kaeya sheepishly look away.
“I’m sorry…” He offered her his arm. “M’lady.”
“Thank you Sir Kaeya!” She smiled as she looped her arm with his and gave his arm a pat. “Now, tell me what you’ve been up to!”
And so he did.
Their walk was long, and they talked about all sorts of things and topics. She told him about the winery, and he told her about the city. They discussed the new maids at Dawn Winery, how there was a new librarian at Favonious Headquarters, how Adelinde’s food was the best (she laughed at that one and called Kaeya a bit spoiled.) It wasn’t until they began to hear the birds chirping that they decided to part ways.
When he was on his way to the barracks, and when he looked up at the stars slowly disappearing into the light, and smelled the dandelions on the breeze, he promised himself he would never leave Mondstadt. His people. His home.
On the rooftops, a bard grazed the strings of his lyre, the notes rising and falling with the wind, his braids glowing in the night breeze. If someone were to look closely, they would see a smile on his face before he disappeared with the wind.