Work Text:
“Karl, please collect the tests.” Edgar hums from his desk, still busy with filtering through last night’s assignments. The raccoon stirs from the pillow he has in the corner of the classroom, right by the door so students can pet him on the way in, and trots lazily towards the students hastily scribbling down the last few sentences of today’s assignment.
Edgar watches Karl impatiently hold out his arms at the first desk, waiting for Lucy to hand in her paper. She attempts to shoo him away with a hand, which is a very bad idea when Karl’s just had a nap. He nips the fingers she’s waving in front of his face grumpily before moving to the next student and collecting their papers instead.
“Ms. Montgomery, I’m going to need your assignment.” Edgar hums busily, throwing her an impatient look over his shoulder.
It’s not always so busy in English literature- in fact, Edgar’s class is known for having a rather peaceful environment. He always has books on the shelf, a few bean bag chairs in that area and a thermos near the window for both tea and coffee (courtesy of his personal budget, of course. Coming from old money makes these things easier than they would have been if he were working with his salary).
“Ugh!” Edgar snaps his head up again when Lucy makes the noise and damn near tosses the sheet at Karl. An unappreciated act- this action makes him hiss at her before scurrying back to Edgar, bow tie askew.
“Ms. Montgomery, where I appreciate my students being passionate about the assignments I give them near exam week, I’ll have to ask you to respect the creature collecting your work because, unlike me, Karl has a track record of least favourite students and you seem to be approaching the bar.” Edgar hums, albeit impatiently.
Karl is a member of staff just as he is- he has his own little ID used to check him in for the day, his name is in the roster of staff and he’s overall agreed to be a great addition to the campus. It’s not uncommon for him to be treated poorly around students when Edgar isn’t around, so he tries to keep him safe when he is.
“This assignment is stupid.” Lucy deadpans, packing her things as the other students begin leaving. “Five stanzas of a poem about anything? Really?”
“Well, I try not to limit my students’ creativity.” Edgar shrugs as Karl moodily climbs onto his shoulder and makes a note to feed him some cookies at lunch later.
He understands Lucy’s temper- she’s a hot headed girl who’s been at the top of her classes for a long period of time, so not being able to get a grip on this one must be a little more than humbling for her.
“While we’re on the topic of the subject,” Edgar begins, flipping through the assignments and counting them. “I have a special assignment for you, Lucy.”
She sniffs, eyeing him doubtfully. “Is it another stupid poem?”
“Why, yes, it is, as you so eloquently put it, a stupid poem.” He smiles a little, handing her a sheet.
She looks at it for a second and scoffs. “A love poem?”
“Love is a topic that many poets have explored in the past.” He explains, sitting at the edge of his desk and stroking Karl’s head. After a pause, Lucy joins him. “Whether it’s the love for one’s country, or nature, or even a person- we, as humans, are obliged to feel it. I feel like this may help you in your slightly…meagre streak in my class these days.”
“You’re telling me I suck and I should find something I like and think about it so I stop being an ass.”
A pregnant pause. “Basically.”
“Fine, whatever.” Lucy snaps, folding up the paper and making a point to toss it into the bottom of her tote bag. “I’ll write your stupid poem.”
“I appreciate it, Ms. Montgomery.” Edgar tells her, sincere in his words. “I understand that not everyone can write well in English literature but you choosing this subject year after year proves you have something you’d like to show the world.”
Lucy does not soften- no, that is nothing like her- but she nods and hops off the table, walking away.
……__……
“Hey there, bestie!” Nikolai’s voice snaps Edgar out of his thoughts and, through the exhaustion of checking the papers, he smiles up at the theatre professor. “Good day?”
“Work…Work has been fine.” Edgar hums, massaging his temple as Nikolai plops down in front of him on the staff room’s table.
Recently, though Edgar will not admit it to many people, life has been a mess. And it’s ridiculous because this should be the greatest week of his life- Ranpo just gave birth to their first child.
And it’s true; those first few days were heavenly with his husband and daughter. And now…things aren’t so good.
Postpartum depression. That’s what he suspects it is. Ranpo spends all day in bed either angry at the world or sobbing his eyes out. He doesn’t eat, doesn’t sleep, doesn’t even talk to Edgar days at a time. Most nights, Edgar sleeps on the couch because Ranpo doesn’t want to see him and it’s gotten so overwhelmingly morbid that he’s begun spilling his thoughts to his unlikely friend, Nikolai.
“And how’s everything at home? The Mr. still grumbling?” He asks, tossing his long, white braid over his shoulder and leaning back in his chair. Today's outfit: a black button up with a white waistcoat and matching pants.
“Oh, he just texted me this morning telling me to come home early so…” Edgar trails off, watching Nikolai whip out a filer and begin working it over his painted black nails.
“Mm…so he’s either going to divorce you or ride you into high heaven.” He mumbles thoughtfully, earning him a smack on the arm.
“Shut up, he’s hardly even recovered from the birth yet.” Nikolai is one of the few people who knows of the news.
Another worry Ranpo has had is that he’s been presenting as a cisgender man for the longest time to the point that, when the rumour began spreading that they were having a child, most people- including the staff- assumed they were adopting.
And having to go off testosterone for hormone issues with the birth, Ranpo’s depression has hit an all time low. He feels he is ugly and will say it to Edgar’s face despite him assuring him that he’s gorgeous (which is true).
“Okay, okay, so maybe he just wants you around.” He amends, tipping his head forward. “Ooh, or maybe he’s lost his mind due to the hormones and wants to kill you like in that one movie.”
“I’m not asking which one it is.” Edgar politely informs him, gathering up his files and leaning back in his chair. When Nikolai spots a sleeping Karl on his lap, he coos and begins stroking his fur.
“Why, hey there wittle man…” Ah, the baby talk. Oh, how Karl hates the baby talks.
The raccoon hisses as Nikolai pets him and promptly turns around to face the other way. Edgar chuckles at Nikolai pout.
“See, this is why I don’t have a pet.” He sniffs, rolling his eyes. “One creature in my home being mean to me when I try to show love is more than enough.”
At that moment, Fyodor enters the staff room and they hastily hush their bout of laughter, avoiding his suspicious gaze.
……__……
When Edgar enters their home, the lights are all still shut off, meaning Ranpo hasn’t gotten up from bed yet. He purses his lips in worry, looking around the space before hurrying up the stairs. Karl hops off his shoulder halfway, scurrying to his food bowl with a small squeak.
Outside their door, he pauses, takes a breath and steps inside. Ranpo does not stir, but his chest rises and falls underneath the sheets. His eyes aren’t shut either.
When Edgar approaches, he looks up at him and then goes back to staring at the space.
“May I touch you, my darling?” Edgar asks, eager to scoop him into his arms and kiss every tear streak until they’ve gone dry.
Ranpo doesn’t meet his eyes this time. He shakes his head.
Edgar pretends it doesn’t hurt when he denies him. “Alright. Is there…a reason you called me home?”
A pause. A shrug.
“Okay, I’m going to go check in on our little gem.” Edgar says, gently walking out of the room towards Minori’s nursery.
The little girl’s room has been decorated by Poe and Ranpo themselves. He remembers spending hours late at night flipping through catalogues and bookmarking the pages they liked most. And then Ranpo would fall asleep, still smiling about something they did or said and it felt like everything- life and the world, itself- was perfect.
And…it’s not.
Edgar wipes his dry eyes and peeks into the crib to find wide green eyes looking back at him. He laughs in surprise. “Why, hello there.”
Minori kicks her feet as she’s picked up, dressed in a light brown onesie and smelling like baby powder, meaning she’s already been changed.
“What are you doing up at this time, my little trouble maker?” Edgar chuckles, kissing her cheek. Minori makes a small noise- really, she makes about a thousand because this girl is barely three weeks old and just loves pondering on life’s most challenging conundrums at three in the morning.
Tucking her head into his shoulder, Edgar walks into their room. Ranpo’s eyes move to him, then widen in alarm.
“Is she hungry?” He asks, beginning to untie his robe but Edgar raises a hand.
“No, no, don’t worry. I just caught her rolling around in her crib.” Ranpo visibly relaxes, then goes numb once more as he lays down. Edgar purses his lips. “She’s getting so big, isn’t she? Our little raven.”
Ranpo nods absently, turning around so he’s not facing Edgar. Oh, okay. Today isn’t a talking day either.
He misses talking days. He misses falling back onto the bed and laying Minori between them and cooing whenever she yawns or does anything, really. He misses talking about an article Edgar’s been working on or Ranpo’s own students and which one of them they think is doing best this semester. He misses kissing him, not just the long, sweeter ones, but just kissing him at all- his forehead, his cheeks, his hands.
He misses them.
“Uhm…you know Lucy, right? The red haired girl in our classes?” Ranpo doesn’t reply, but he doesn’t wait for him to. “Well, she’s been struggling with literature for a moment, so I assigned her the assignment I got that brought us together all those years ago. The love poems.”
When Edgar was an exchange student here, he suffered the opposite problem that Lucy has- he was so inspired that he was all over the place. Until, of course, his professor assigned him a specific genre: a love poem. He was meant to write about different things every week and submit them until, one day, his heart burst and he stuffed the one he wrote about Ranpo (the longest one) in his locker and bolted off.
He knew it was him instantly, he’s been told. Just by his handwriting.
He smiles to himself as he sets Minori down. There was a time he needed to go back to America on trips to visit his father and the little tradition they kept was that he was to send Ranpo a poem- be it about the stars or what he was feeling or sometimes even one he’d written before- but he was to send them straight to him, even if they arrived a month after they were sent.
It was their little tradition.
Karl comes skittering into the room and hops onto the bed. Ever the overprotective companion, he sticks close to Minori, bushy tail wrapping around himself as the little girl shoots him a gummy smile. Adorable.
“Oh, Mushitarou was asking about you. He said the snacks in your classroom are starting to go bad, so I should take them home. I’ve left them in the kitchen.”
When Ranpo still doesn’t speak to him, Edgar curls into himself a little. Karl notices his anxiety and crawls onto his lap.
At least he’s still here to keep him company.
……__……
“Lou, move over.” Lucy says as she enters their room. Louisa hurriedly moves her things to the side before Lucy hops onto her bed.
She’s working on an article for the paper because of course she is- ever since her first article in the paper became an instant hit, she’s gotten a permanent seat on the board of editors for it.
Right now, she’s wearing one of her many, many beige hoodies and her barely shoulder length hair is up in a ponytail. She smiles bashfully at Lucy. “Hey…”
“Hiya. Do you know who I hate?” Lucy’s smile falls but she recovers instantly, nodding to urge her to continue. “Professor Poe.”
Now, Louisa’s eyes widen. “What.”
“Kidding, kidding, I don't hate him. I would never hate the professor you love so much.” Lucy grins, teasingly poking her cheek as Louisa blushes, covering her face.
“How many times must I tell you I’m a lesbian?” She whispers in that quiet voice of hers, cheeks red.
“Yeah, yeah, you’re just easy to make fun of.” Lucy sighs, resting her head against her shoulder. “But what I was saying was that the professor gave me this annoying ass assignment. A love poem.”
Louisa chokes on her own saliva. “Really?”
“Yeah. Like, what am I supposed to do? Gush about dandelions and everglade air freshener?” She sees the expression in Louisa’s face shift and smiles. “There’s the genius prodigy. Come on, what’s the big idea?”
“Oh, nothing, nothing. I was just thinking that love is something that’s everywhere, right? So if you want me to help you, we could go on a walk tomorrow and uh…look at things we love?”
Lucy stares at her for a long time. “You’re so lame, Lou.”
Louisa sighs at that and turns back to her notes, but there’s still a hint of pink dusted across her cheeks.
Honestly, she feels bad. She’s pissed at her professor, not at her best friend. Gah, she should save taking out her frustrations on someone for Atsushi.
“You know what? Let's do it.” Lucy decides, taking her hand. “Let’s go on a walk tomorrow.”
Louisa looks up again and her smile is…really, really pretty.
……__……
The next day, Lucy is at Professor Poe’s class first thing in the morning. The first reason is to ask him about details on the type poem because of the rush she was in yesterday. The second is that Louisa woke up early today, despite their classes being late, to get an early leg up on the day they had planned, so she thought she’d make things easier for her as well.
Approaching the classroom, she hears a voice.
“Darling, please…Yes, I know it’s difficult.” It’s him- their professor. She’s never heard him sound so…upset. “Okay, okay, I’ll try to talk to him but I’ve already taken so many days off…it’s not about the money, Ranpo! It’s about my job!…no, no, that’s not what I’m saying just please- don’t- don't hang up-”
Lucy flinches as she hears a slam and pokes her head around the classroom’s door frame.
Whenever she sees Professor Poe, he’s always going on about some annoying metaphor he likes or presiding over a word choice an author made. He’s either always shying away from the other teachers or confident in his element in a classroom.
He’s never…like this.
He’s never slumped in his chair with his face buried in his hands. His shoulders are never shaking as if he’s…crying. He’s gently never pushing Karl away when he tries to climb onto his lap.
Karl looks back and spots Lucy just as she gently pulls the door in front of her and knocks.
After a moment, it opens again and her professor looks like he knows she saw him. He plasters a smile on his face, but it doesn’t hide his reddened eyes, the bags underneath them or the tear streaks on his face.
“May I help you, Ms. Montgomery?” He says it so kindly that she almost cries.
“Uhm…I needed to ask for the details of the poem. Like…stanzas and stuff.” She mumbles awkwardly. His face snaps in recognition.
“Oh, of course, of course, please come in.” He says, beckoning her inside. “I’m so sorry about that, I’ve just been very busy lately so it didn’t come to mind.”
Lucy watches him as she bends down to write something on a scrap of paper before handing it to her. He looks tired. “Are you okay, sir?”
That question looks like it frightens him, then he relaxes with a sigh. “Oh you know, adult things. It’s nothing you need to worry about. Now, please do come to me if anything else bothers you and I’ll see you during my period.”
Before she can push on, Lucy is being guided through the door. She turns back once more. “Um…have a good day, Professor.”
His smile is genuinely grateful. “You too, Ms. Montgomery.”
……__……
“Howdy there, bestie.” Nikolai joins him when he’s on his way home, Karl growling a little as he approaches. It’s about to rain soon. “All good? You look tired.”
“Yes, sorry, todays just been...” Edgar swallows deeply, running a hand through his hair as he searches for an appropriate but equally uncouth way to say it. “Shit.”
He had an argument with Ranpo because he didn’t want him working today but he’s already taken so many offs and…things just escalated. He’s been upset all day and he knows Ranpo won’t even look at him today.
“You wanna go out somewhere to get a drink tonight? Me and Sig go every weekend to this super cool open roof bar thingy.” Nikolai offers with a smile as Fyodor approaches them with an umbrella.
Honestly, he could definitely use a break.
“I’ll talk to him.” He says, forcing a smile.
Fyodor looks up at his own husband in deadpan. “We’re never having children.”
……__……
“Ranpo? Darling?” Edgar calls as soon as he enters their room, poking his head in.
He’s up today, at least. His husband doesn’t look up from where he’s feeding Minori. A smile breaks over his face and he goes to see her properly…then stops because Ranpo is still feeding her.
“Darling…may I…please speak to you?” Edgar begins, swallowing deeply. No reply. He sits down at the edge of the bed anyways, knotting his hands together. “Um…I understand I upset you today, my petal. I hope you know I’m sorry for being so brash. And I understand you’re not going to forgive me so easily. So, since you need space and I need some fresh air too, I’m going out with a few friends.”
“What friends?” It’s the first thing Ranpo’s said to him that doesn’t sound angry.
“Oh, you know. Professor Gogol asked me to join him and Sigma this evening…and Mushitarou said he’d come too from there and a few more of the staff vouched...” He explains, weighing his words carefully. “Just a few of us.”
“Since when do you talk to Nikolai?” Ranpo asks, a little impatient as he adjusts his robe when Minori’s done feeding.
“Oh, we’ve been friends for a while now and he checks in on me to make sure I’m okay every now and then…” He stops at Ranpo’s hardened gaze.
“Why wouldn’t you be okay?” He says coldly. It stops Edgar’s heart for a full minute.
“Well…because with our little miracle in…and you closing me out lately, I’ve just been really, really lonely and Karl is great fun but it gets…upsetting with no one to talk to.”
“You think I haven’t been lonely sitting in this stupid house all day?” Ranpo snaps and he flinches.
This stupid house. Not their home. Stupid. House.
“I can’t do this right now.” Edgar decides, standing up and running a hand through his hair to stop himself from crying. “I need space and so do you, my darling.”
“You’re gonna leave me alone with a kid?” Ranpo asks. This time, Edgar turns and glares.
“Our kid, Ranpo.” For the first time in weeks, Ranpo looks like he realised what he just said. His eyes widen for just a moment. “Minori is our kid. And if you don’t want to take care of her, fine. We changed the venue to Nikolai’s place anyway, so I’ll take her with me.”
“Ed, come on.” Ranpo scoffs, holding her closer. “You’re not actually gonna leave, are you?”
“Ranpo.” Edgar sighs, wiping the tears as soon as Ranpo sees them. “I’ve given you every piece of my soul. I’ve given you my wealth and my time and the best years of my life. And I feel like you don’t appreciate that. I feel like you don’t appreciate me or our home or anything. I know this period has been hard for you, but it’s been hard for me too. And I know my pain isn’t as valid as yours, but it’s still there.”
Edgar pauses and takes a breath.
“The years I have spent with you are the best I’ve had, my precious Ranpo. But I’m tired.” He says, wiping his eyes again. “And I am a human being.”
And that’s all he says until he’s ready to leave, Minori in his arms and Ranpo rooted on the spot as if in horror.
……__……
“We’re having kids.” Fyodor decides when it’s his turn to hold Minori. She blinks up at him, then smiles and a few “aww”s go around the room.
Edgar watches him hold her for a moment, still slumped on Nikolai’s shoulder. He pats his back comfortingly every now and then, taking a few sips from his glass.
Now, he leans down to whisper. “Bestie?”
Edgar wipes his eyes. “Hm?”
“You good down here?” Nikolai cups a hand over his mouth, watching Minori as well. “Or do we need another drink?”
He hiccups. “Another please.”
Mushitarou scoffs next to them, nursing his own glass. “You’re not getting another. You look pissed off your ass as is, you need water.”
“But my marriage is over…” Edgar sniffs, sobbing again. “I deserve another glass.”
“Your marriage isn’t over, your dramatic thespian in the skin of a writer.” He mutters, picking at his nails. “Ranpo loves you and is going through hormonal bullshit right now and that really affects people a lot-”
“So I’m-”
A hand claps over his mouth so hard, he flinches. “And you are nowhere in the wrong here because what you said is completely valid and he needs to realise that no amount of autism flowing through his veins will ever make him treating you the way he did okay. He is an adult who needs to cope with his emotions without hurting people.”
“Damn, he’s smart.” Nikolai notes with a thoughtful frown. “You should go to him for advice more often, bestie.”
“Oh, he tries to, but my own husband is something of a catalyst for disaster.” He hums with a small smile, swirling his glass.
Edgar sniffs, watching Sigma cradle Minori in her arms for not even a moment before passing her to Kunikida. “How am I supposed to talk to him again?”
“You won’t. He will have to come to you now.” Mushitarou hums. “You’ve laid down your points and defence and now it’s his turn to either counter or apologise.”
“Damn. My husband just kinda listens to me when I tell him to do something.” Nikolai shrugs, patting Edgar’s back again. “And I listen to him…so we’re pretty compatible.”
“Nonsense. I tell my husband to shut up and he will even if it kills him.” Mushitarou says, idly picking at his nails again before scowling down at Edgar. “Get up, you insolent child.”
“Noo…” Edgar sniffs, leaning on Mushitarou now. It’s also at that moment that he’s handed Minori.
Mushitarou blinks at Minori. Minori blinks at Mushitarou.
“Look at what a crybaby your father is, little bell. Now, make sure you don’t end up that way, alright?” He says, delicately stroking her head.
Edgar shoots him a dirty look.
……__……
He tiptoes through their apartment later that night- and by later, he means nine p.m. because that’s more than enough socialising for him. Surprisingly, Minori was having the time of her life and actually cried when he tried to take her away from the others.
Edgar kisses her forehead as they enter their bedroom, his nerves rising as he pushes the door open.
Ranpo isn’t in bed.
He frowns, puzzled as he looks around before setting Minori down on the bed. And then picking her up and rushing to her room to place her in her crib because she might roll over too much and die.
And Ranpo isn’t in the bathroom either. Or in the kitchen. Or even in Karl’s little room.
He panics, hyperventilating as he dials his phone. Did he leave the house? If so, why so suddenly.
Relief floods his senses when Ranpo picks up his phone. “Ranpo, where are you? I- I’ve checked everywhere, my love, I didn’t-”
“I’m at my dad’s place, Ed.” The words are matter of fact, but not curt- even a little doubtful.
“Oh.” Edgar looks towards the staircase. “Minori…”
“I’ll be back tomorrow. There’s enough milk for her in the fridge.” A pregnant pause as Edgar feels his heart sink.
“My love-”
“Bye.” Ranpo hangs up on him before he can continue.
It is then that Edgar finally allows himself to slowly, just slowly sink onto the floor and bury his head in his hands.
It must be easy to say your marriage isn’t in danger when you’re happy- when you’re allowed to touch them, when you can look at them and smile, when they look at you with something that isn’t…indifference.
Edgar decides that he won’t be going to work tomorrow. And this time, for himself.
……__……
So…maybe he didn’t sleep. Maybe, instead he cried like a baby and watched his favourite romantic comedies with takeout pesto pasta (Karl gets dibs on the olive bread).
Except he couldn’t relax because all his favourites are the ones he watched with Ranpo. It was back when they were young and happy and oblivious to everything except each other- and Ranpo would lay against him and try to deduce the plot with what he was seeing because his English is rather weak.
Edgar purses his lips as he takes Minori’s bottle out of the warmer, fresh rays of morning light hitting his eyes before he shields his face.
Upstairs, Karl is nestled next to the hysterical little girl, half heartedly tugging at her sleeves as she wails. She misses Ranpo.
Edgar shushes her gently as he picks her up and pats her back. Minori’s been crying all night to the point Edgar just gave up and built a pillow wall around her and let her sleep next to him while he sobbed his heart out over Becky choosing her career over Luke and him reuniting with her months later as a client.
Minori’s own tears finally stop whe Edgar holds the bottle’s nozzle up to her mouth and feeds her, pacing around the room.
He jolts as he gets a call on his phone. Karl skitters over and presses the answer button, and then the speaker.
“Hello?” Edgar calls, hoping that maybe it’s Ranpo coming home.
“Professor? It’s Lucy.”
He sighs, then straightens up, sitting at the edge of the bed. “Yes, Ms. Montgomery? I'm sorry I’m not at the campus today, but I’m…busy. Everything okay?”
“Yes, uh, I was just…coming into class to hand in my poem…and I didn’t see you.” She mumbles, doubtful. He can tell she’s thinking back to yesterday, when she found him alone in his office.
“Oh, my apologies, I’m just under the weather today.” He lies easily, a skill he obtained one summer when he was nineteen and writing for a tabloid magazine. “You can submit it to me tomorrow, if you’d prefer not to hand it to the sub.”
“Yeah…I’ll do that.” A beat of silence. Another. And then Lucy seems to decide something. “Professor Poe?”
“Yes, Ms. Montgomery?”
“If you’re feeling under the weather, then I have an assignment for you.” She says with a sudden inspiration to her voice.
Edgar allows him a smile. “Do you?”
“Yes. You have to write a love poem. Because…no matter how shit life is right now, there’s always something you love.” Lucy sounds confident in her words now. Whether it’s the love for one’s country, or nature, or even a person- we, as humans, are obliged to feel it, alright?”
He laughs. “Alright.”
“Great. And…” She lowers her voice. “I know things aren’t the best right now, professor, so I hope you know the class misses you.”
“I appreciate the concern, Ms. Montgomery.” Edgar smiles again, looking down at Minori. She’s started falling asleep in his arms. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you.”
……__……
It’s been a good few months since Edgar’s had the chance to work on any personal projects, what with Minori on the way and Ranpo’s recent…mannerisms. Soon, his rule of writing at least one paragraph a day to keep his creativity flowing moved to every other day, then a week and now…
Now, he’s run out of inspiration so, naturally, he’s looking through his old works in hopes of a spark of sorts.
The three of them are in the upstairs attic looking through old boxes- well, he’s looking through the boxes while Minori is sitting in her cot, emerald eyes wide as they watch him curiously and Karl is nestled on her lap, his weight rocking it gently.
“This, my little raven,” Edgar hums, monologuing to the one month and the raccoon. He picks up a small green box and shows it to the pair of them. “Is a compilation of my letters and poems to Ranpo since we were sixteen. Thoughts?”
Minori blinks.
“Why yes, Minori, I am a lovesick fool, as Mushitarou so elegantly put it.” He hums, pushing his hair off of his face and lifting the lid.
Inside are two folders- one of letters and the other of his poems. The paper of them is yellowing, he notes from outside the transparent plastic of it. Still inside the box are miscellaneous items- one of those popsicle sticks with jokes written on them that Ranpo sent him from Japan when they were simply pen pals, paper rings Edgar made for him when they started seeing each and…oh.
Edgar picks up the two medals- second and first place…from the day they met. It was a huge test that Ranpo was selected for all the way from Japan- something about analytical reasoning that Edgar can’t quite remember but was so rage filled about. The first place medal still has a few miscellaneous doodles on the back.
He hears footsteps climb up the attic stairs and swallows deeply. Ranpo’s home.
Minori coos when he enters the room, holding her hands up to reach out for him. Ranpo quietly takes her, leaving Karl in the cot. Neither of them speak.
The first letter Edgar finds when he opens the file is the first one he sent after visiting Japan for the first time.
He chuckles as he reads through the text. In the letter, he’s recounting the dango they had at a place near Ranpo’s house, the night they spent on the roof of it and watching the stars in their sleeping bags and their first kiss- the one they had right before Edgar had to rush to catch his flight.
Attached is a small polaroid photo. It’s of the two of them at the dango stall waving at the camera. He never noticed that Ranpo doodled little rings on their fingers.
“What are you doing?” Ranpo- the one behind him- asks him now, his voice hard.
Edgar silently hands him the polaroid, reaching for another letter. This one is much older, but not their first. It’s only a paragraph long and the tone is distant. This is from when Edgar’s parents practically forced him to continue writing to Ranpo, just in case they became friends.
The next one is from Ranpo. It’s not long, of course, since he was never one for words, but it’s…nice. This is from the summer when Edgar was twenty and Ranpo was eighteen. He’s talking about all the things he can do if he were, potentially, American now that he’s eighteen- a whole page of him talking about “stupid american cars” and such.
He decides to hand that one to his husband too.
The next few letters blend into one another- complaining and yearning and talking about everything and nothing. Some of them have photos attached to them. One of them is a picture of Ranpo in one of Edgar’s old hoodies, another one is a picture of Karl, still a baby raccoon, and Edgar giving the camera a thumbs up, another is a picture of Ranpo’s college dorm.
They go on and on until Edgar’s heart feels like it’s melting. It’s been more than ten years since they’ve met. It’s been more than ten years since he’s loved him. And Edgar, he’s lucky. He got to marry the most intelligent and beautiful person he’s ever met.
He hastily wipes his tears with a laugh when he finds a small stack of photos from his third or fourth trip to Japan. They were nineteen and Edgar’s parents sent him to Japan to learn to work on his own. They worked at a cafe that year, Ranpo working at the host stand.
“Do you remember the summer when we were nineteen?” He says, looking at a photo of him Ranpo took from the top bunk in their dorm room. “And you used to hide all your candy from Karl by stuffing it in your apron? Oh, and we used to set up little picnics in that shitty “balcony” we had but the both of us never fit so one of us would have to sit inside.”
“Why are you up here?” Ranpo asks him instead of answering. He sighs softly, dipping his head forward.
“Well, Lucy from my class called me today since I wasn’t there. She noticed I was down yesterday when she came in to collect her assignment so she…sort of gave me an assignment of my own. To write a love poem.” He laughs again, wiping his damp eyes. “And I didn’t know how to start so I came upstairs to look for some inspiration.”
“You shouldn’t be up here with Minori.” Ranpo relies coldly. “It’s dusty.”
Edgar swallows deeply once more. “I see. I’m sorry.”
Ranpo leaves the attic before he can push on.
He sighs and picks up the photos again. Once upon a time, things weren’t so…complicated. They were teenagers and sworn enemies then developing crushes, adults and falling in love faster than they could catch up. Then, they were getting married and now…they’ve had a kid together.
This is everything he’s been dreaming up for his whole life. And…he’s miserable. So fucking miserable. They were supposed to get over everything together, and now…Ranpo hates him. His husband and the love of his life hates him.
“Edgar.” He jolts as he hastily tries to brush away his tears, then realises. He’s been talking out loud. He hastily stands up, but ends up dropping the box on the ground.
The contents of it go spilling out- the photos and the letter files too. He hastily tries to pick them up, but ends up kicking the folder and sends the letters flying across the room.
He panics, hastily trying to pick them up. One of them gets stuck in the floorboards and he picks it up, only for it to tear in half.
And now he’s crying and hyperventilating and trying to pick them up.
And everything is shit and ruined and his marriage is over. And the boy he loved thinks he’s a complete age of his time and doesn’t smile at him anymore and he wishes they were kids again so he could at least kiss him just once and-
“Eddie-”
“I’m sorry.” Edgar sobs, burying his face in his hands. “I’m so sorry, just don’t….d-don’t leave me-”
There’s a hand in his hair, his ear is pressed into something soft and warm. “Eddie, please breathe, okay?”
His hands are shaking when a smaller, softer one takes it. “I can’t.”
“You can. Just…listen to my heartbeat and close your eyes, okay?” Edgar obeys, breathing heavily and listening for that quiet thump he looks for whenever he panics.
But it’s faster today.
His teary eyes look up at Ranpo. He’s been crying too but he looks so…afraid.
“Darling?” Edgar lifts a hand to cup Ranpo’s cheek. “Are you okay?”
His lips tremble for a moment before he swallows deeply. “I don’t hate you, Ed. I could never…god…”
“Eddie…Eddie I’m so, so sorry…” Ranpo sniffs, wiping his eyes. “I…have so much to explain…but I need you to calm down, okay?”
“You’re…not leaving me?”
“Never.” Ranpo sobs a little, shaking his head as he wipes his damp cheeks. “I could never leave you…”
He keeps breathing, keeps feeling Ranpo’s chest rise and fall with his rapid breaths. Slowly, his jaw stops clenching, nails relaxing where they were digging into Ranpo’s arms.
A hand runs over his back. “Relax, Eddie.”
It takes a few minutes for him to father himself, shifting from deeper breaths to focusing on Ranpo’s own until he finally feels human again. Edgar sighs softly, wiping his eyes as he sits up.
Ranpo still looks affected, hands knotted on his lap as he anxiously scans his face. After looking at all their own photos, the bags under his eyes and the way his cheeks are sunken are so much more…prominent.
“What’s going, Ranpo?”
“Okay…okay…” Ranpo wipes his eyes, then rests his face in his hands. “Since having Minori, I’ve just been in a shit place and you know that. And I got so…tired of feeling like shit that I stopped talking at all. Every time we talked, it felt…so empty and I thought if I kept being annoying you wouldn’t want to stay with me…so I shut up.”
“You should’ve said-”
“I should’ve. But I don’t know- I wasn’t thinking right. My head’s been all fuzzy and when you…got mad at me yesterday, it was like some switch went off.” He sniffs, wrapping his arms around himself. “I talked to Yosano and she said it’s probably because I’ve been off testosterone for so long and now, since my body isn’t supplying any of the necessary hormones for Minori, I’m just…empty.”
“I know I should’ve said there was something wrong but I don’t know why my stupid brain didn’t think of it.” Ranpo’s crying again. “And I come home after being the most shit husband ever and you’re writing me a poem.”
Edgar wipes his eyes with a sniff. “I was watching romcoms all night so I thought…the poem might be able to save our marriage.”
Ranpo looks genuinely shaken by this. “Our marriage…I guess it’s unsalvageable now, huh?”
The taller man places his hand over Ranpo’s. “Do you remember the fight we had when we were eighteen? The first one?”
“When your parents said seeing me was a bad idea because you don’t want to handle autism bullshit your whole life?” Ranpo laughs, leaning against his shoulder. He hasn’t done that in so long. “Why? Are you wishing you listened to them?”
“No, but you got very upset, remember? So upset that you sent me a text message in the middle of the night saying that, if my parents think you’re too stupid to function on your own, then we shouldn’t see each other.”
“Sounds about right.” He says bitterly.
“And remember how I booked the first flight available and showed up at your doorstep only twelve hours later?” Edgar pulls Ranpo into his side, digging softly as he inhales his scent- caramel and something sharper. “If I travelled halfway around the world in one night to see you when we were just dating, what makes you think I’d up and leave you now?”
Ranpo sobs, pulling Edgar down into his arms. He smiles, wrapping his arms around him too and burying his head in his shoulder. Like he used to. Like he still can.
“I was so worried about you, my love.” He whispers, shutting his eyes.
“I’m a piece of shit, Eddie.” Ranpo sobs, tears staining his shirt. “You deserve someone who d-doesn’t treat you like I did..
“But I love you, Ranpo. And no amount of…difficulty will ever make the years we spent together fade away.” He assures him as Ranpo peeks up at him, eyes sparking with tears. Edgar wipes them away with a thumb. “We’re okay, Ranpo.”
“We are?” He sniffs. “I think I deserve some kind of punishment actually.”
“You’ve been suffering a while now, that’s more than enough-”
Karl comes bolting into the attic and squeals loudly.
They realise it at the same time. “Minori.”
Ranpo is running first, Edgar following close behind him as they bolt down the stairs and into Minori’s nursery. Her cries are growing louder.
God, has she fallen off the crib? Did her bottle drop on her head? Is she in any pain at all?
Ranpo stops at the doorway, much to Edgar’s confusion. He peeks around him. “What-”
Oh. Apparently, Minori has flipped herself over on her stomach…and cannot get back up. Ranpo walks over and flips her over. She immediately stops crying, her fist in her mouth as she laughs up at them.
“She is…so stupid.” Ranpo gasps, covering his mouth as the realisation hits him.
“She’s a month old, my petal.” Edgar counters, raising a brow. “I’m sorry she’s not up to your intellect as of yet.”
“Well, she better keep up! I’m not gonna keep explaining things to a little creature.” Ranpo huffs, poking the tip of her nose. She giggles again. “Actually, I might.”
Edgar leans into Ranpo’s side a little. Ranpo leans against him, picking up Minori.
They’re fine. For now, they’re fine.
……__……
“Ah, Ms. Montgomery.” Edgar hums as she approaches him right before lunch, hands behind her back and cheeks tinted red. “I suppose you want feedback about that poem?”
“Uh, yeah, if it’s okay to ask for it without people around…”
Edgar nods and gestures to the chair in front of his desk. She takes a seat awkwardly. “I noticed that you started off with talking about sunlight a lot. “As the rays of it bend and break around the grass” as you said.”
“Mhm…” She’s not meeting his eyes. He smiles knowingly before pressing on.
“And then you segwayed into talking about someone in particular’s smile. Any reason for that or…do you simply like smiles?” He receives an unimpressed look at his unconvincing causality.
“I’m in love with my best friend who happens to be your favourite student. That’s why I wrote it.” She frowns, eyes narrowed. “Is that a problem?”
“Ms. Montgomery, I am a married man with a husband and you know that due to that very student’s article.” Edgar sighs, but smiles. “It feels like, however, that you enjoyed this assignment. Am I right?”
A pause. “Maybe.”
“In that case, that is all that I can ask you about while maintaining our professional student-teacher relationship. You may carry on with your day and consider this assignment of yours a certified A .” He hums, jotting it down on his register.
“Whatever.” She rolls her eyes, but it’s evident that she’s fighting a smile. “What did Louisa get?”
“An A, actually.” Her smile grows.
“Alrighty then, I have some bragging rights to maintain, see ya, professor.” She gets up to dash off then pauses in realisation. “Uhm…the assignment I gave you…did you…?”
“I did not, actually.” Edgar smiles softly. “But it helped quite a lot. Thank you so much for the concern, Ms. Montgomery.”
She smiles, nods and dashes off.
Not a minute later, Ranpo comes running in. “There he is!”
“I’ve been here this whole time.” Edgar laughs as Ranpo all but leaps into his arms and presses kisses all over his face. “Hello to you too.”
“Hi.” He grins, plopping a paper bag on Edgar’s desk. Oh dear.
“You…made lunch again.” He grits as Karl joins them on the desk, bow tie askew in his hurry. “Wonderful.”
“Don’t worry, this one is a lot better than yesterday’s.” He hums, opening the bag. Inside is one of his sickly sweet Nutella-banana-kitkat sandwiches (now, with extra kitkats)…and a foil wrapped plain croissant.
Edgar chuckles. “Is this for me?”
“Mhm.” He hums, busily unwrapping his sandwich.
“Knock knock.” They turn to the door where Nikolai is leaning into the office with that eager smile on his face. “Just making sure everything’s A-okay with my bestie!”
“It is, Nikolai. Don’t worry.” Edgar smiles. Upon hearing the news they were okay, Nikolai was the first to congratulate Edgar on “not fucking up” their marriage. “Why don’t you join us?”
“Oh no, no, my Fedya’s waiting in the staff room for me.” Nikolai says airily, blowing a kiss at them. “Toodles!”
“What a weirdo. I’d never think you’d be friends with someone so…happy.” Ranpo hums thoughtfully, chewing his sandwich.
“I find that we bind over our love for theatre.” Edgar replies, kissing his cheek. “I’m going to run to get some coffee, okay?”
“Ooh, I’m coming too.” Ranpo inhales his sandwich in a single bite and takes Edgar’s hands first to tug him to the door. Karl hops onto his shoulder last minute and digs his little claws into his shoulder, an action he’s used to now.
Edgar smiles. For now. In this period of his life. He is okay.
Both of them are.