Chapter Text
The dreams wouldn’t stop. Randal didn’t know what he did to deserve this or what to do to make it stop, he just wanted life to go back to normal. To live without fear, without disgust. To be able to hang out with his cool older brother again. He wanted to go to the arcade. Gaming at home was fun, especially when done with a loved one, but not as fun as when money was on the line and there’s 5 other people standing behind you waiting for you to lose. But Luther always encouraged him, saw the passion in his eye when he wasted his money on dumb games and even gave him more spare pocket change when Randal would swear he just wanted to play one more time, just because he liked seeing his little brother having fun. Something he wasn’t seeing that much anymore. He missed going shopping with his brother, his outrageous yet elegant way of dressing himself, it was so entertaining to see Luthers artistic process of putting and outfit together in a store in real time. Even during such a simple activity as shopping for clothes, Luthers infinite support for Randal could be felt, as he himself took Randal shopping for new clothes when he came out as a boy. Randal didn’t even have to ask him. He made sure Randal felt comfortable and loved the entire time. He missed it. He missed his brother. He wished he could go up to Luther and tell him how much he wanted to hang out, how much he yearned for the warmth, the brotherly love, the support, simply just the time together. But these days Randal was barely even leaving his room. Only leaving to use the bathroom and to eat meals with the family, an activity which he dreaded doing every single day. During every meal he could feel what was on everyones minds, he could see it on everyones faces but noone dared to say anything. He could feel Luther glancing at him. The usually loud, entertaining, filled with absurdity and bizarre happenings dinners in the Ivory household were replaced with quiet, awkward, filled with glances and throat clearing, meals of a family falling apart. And it was his fault. Randal had noone else to blame but himself. He looked at the faces of the cat men, Nyon always avoiding eye contact nervously, but Nyen staring straight at him. Luther must have talked to them about this, must have told them how it makes him feel that his brother is purposely avoiding him for seemingly no reason. He could tell that Nyen was pissed at him, pissed for treating his master like this. He was surprised he hasn’t been confronted about this.
One day Randal just broke down in his room. Sat on the floor holding one of his dolls and cried, the doll petting his gloved hand gently, while Sebastian sat on the other side of the room, disturbed. Randal still haven’t told him what was happening, he hasn’t told anybody but his dolls, he knew only they could be trusted with holding his terrible secret. So Sebastian was forced to just watch as his master cried quietly or rotted in his room for days.
“Uh.. Randal? Maybe uh… if you’re not feeling too good you should go talk to Luther..” Sebastian suggested quietly all of the sudden.
Randal stopped sobbing and looked up at Sebastian, just staring at him blank faced, making the curly haired boy feel like he shouldn’t have said anything.
“Talk to Luther… yeah maybe I will...” Randal whispered under his breath after a long silence before getting up from the ground walking over to Sebastian and placing the doll he was holding in the boys lap.
“Here you can hold it as a reward for being such a smart clever very intelligent boy” Randal said with a smile as he walked out of the room leaving Sebastian with the doll, which was already trying to gnaw at his fingers.
Randal slowly walked his way over to the living room, suspecting that he was going to find his brother lounging there as per usual. He was right. Not only was he right he was also incredibly lucky to find his brother alone without his cat men. Luther was just sitting alone, relaxing on the couch watching the television cool calm collected as always. He watched him for a moment, standing in the doorway twiddling his thumbs, seriously considering turning and going back to his room.
“I know you’re there Randal” Luthers stated in a monotone voice, not turning his head, making Randal freeze up even more.
“Do you need something?” Luther said this time turning towards Randal, who was still standing motionless in the shadow.
“I suppose you could say that, my dear brother” Randal spoke forcing himself to sound confident, as he swallowed his saliva and it felt like there was a rock passing through his throat.
He finally built up the courage to step into the living room. He approached his brother, looked around nervously before sitting down next to him. Moved a little closer to him, a little further from him, a little closer to him again, shifted around a bit, before laying down and putting his head in his brother lap, making Luther jump a little in surprise before he clenched his shirt around his chest as he could feel his heart melting.
“Oh is my little brother in need of affection? Could it be possible that my little brother missed me a little bit?” Luther beamed, putting one hand on Randal head and petting his hair as he usually does with his cats.
“Maybe he is and maybe he did” Randal whispered, his face feeling hot.
“How are you feeling today Randal?” Luther asked as he kept petting his brothers messy tangled hair.
“Good. I feel good today. That’s why I decided to come out and spend some quality time with my amazing big brother” The younger boy giggled, his mouth curled into an uncomfortable smile as his face was starting to burn.
“Oh Randal I am so glad to hear that, would you like to accompany me in re watching a recording of my favorite Cats performance?” Luther asked with real excitement in his voice as he took the remote into his hands.
Randal replied with only a little head nod, before his older brother pressed the button on the remote that Randal previously thought did nothing and a cassette recording of the musical immediately started playing on the television screen. Was the cassette already in the player. Didn’t matter. All that matter was that Randal could lay in his brother lap, have him play with his hair, listen to him chuckling and humming along to his favorite songs from the musical which was most of them. His whole body shook when he laughed and it made Randal feel like he was trying to sleep on a sail boat. At some point in watching the tape Luther put his lanky hand on his brother shoulder and began caressing it gently. Randal could feel his whole face going red, he turned his face a little pressing his cheek more into his brothers leg, trying to get his hair to cover his face. He felt a little uneasy. It felt like he had a anime high school girl type of crush. But he shouldn’t say that. He shouldn’t be thinking like that about his brother. Luthers voice kept sounding out above Randal and in that moment he knew his brother could never hurt him, he knew his brother loved him and wanted him to be safe and loved and Randal just wanted to be held by him like this forever. He wanted to fall asleep in his brothers lap but he knew what would happen if he did. Or maybe it wouldn’t happen, maybe if he fell asleep with Luther in the room nothing bad would happen to him in the dream realm. Randal considered testing that theory out, he was already dozing off, decided against it as he felt like if he had one of those dreams again and then woke up in his brothers lap he would have to kill himself. Before he realized the musical was already coming to an end, his brother quietly humming along to the Ad-dressing of the Cats, the last song in the musical, Old Deuteromys booming voice bouncing off the walls of the living room. It made Randal happy. It made Randal happy to see his brother enjoying himself, it made him happy to be spending time with his brother, watching his favorite musical with him. Although laying on his side like this for so long was making his shoulder and back hurt. He began lifting himself up slightly, making his brother take his hands off him to his disappointment. He sat on the edge of the couch for a moment staring at the screen before feeling a hand being placed on his shoulder again, squeeze it hard and pulling him back, making him gasp in shock as he was pulled into a hug. That’s unusual.
“I had fun, Randal” Luther whispered into his little brothers hair while hugging him to his chest. A lump started forming in Randals throat.
“I had fun too.. Cats truly gets better and better every time I see it… but I am tired now. Could you uh.. could you tuck me in like you used to?” Randal requested sheepishly. Why did he say that. Is he stupid.
“Hmm… Ok” Luther replied, a gentle warm smile stretching the skin on his face in an unnatural manner. Well unnatural for a normal person, completely normal for Luther.
Only when they were standing in front of his bedroom did Randal realize what he was doing. He was leading his brother to his room, just like in his first dream, where it all started. His brother hasn’t been in his room for such a long time now that the dream implications where the only thing on his mind in that moment but it was okay. He felt safe somewhat. He knew that Sebastian was in there and no matter how much they did not treat him like a being that was on the same level as them he knew that Luther wouldn’t do anything that deplorable in front of him. He also knew that Luther wouldn’t do anything like that at all. Not in the real world at least. They stepped into the room Sebastian was sitting right where Randal left him, just without his doll, must have scurried away.
“Go to bed Seba, don’t you know it’s our bedtime now?” Randal exclaimed with a shitty grin on his face.
Sebastian was more than confused, seeing Luther, the source of his masters mysterious worries standing in their shared room. Even more confused seeing him kneeling down next to Randals coffin, covering him with his blanket, brushing Randals cheek with his thumb and giving him a juicy smooch on the forehead. What was going on now.
“Gute Nacht, Randal, sweet dreams” Luther whispered, brushing his brothers hair out of his face.
“Goodnighttt, dear brother” Randal grinned even wider, as he closed his eyes.
Luther was not sure why his brother was all soft and cute that particular day but he didn’t mind, one could even say he adored it. He adored every day his brother spent being cute and fuzzy instead of an aggressive menace. He got up from the musty carpeted floor and closed the lid of Randals coffin.
“Go to sleep Sebastian, haven’t you heard it’s bedtime?” Luther asked rhetorically in a stern tone before exiting the room.
Randal could hear the door close and he sighed quietly. Maybe if he kept forcing himself to be brave and to spend time with his brother despite the horrors, everything could just go back to normal on it’s own. Maybe if he gets up tomorrow and goes to hang out with his brother again the dreams will stop because his relationship with his brother will be so normal and healthy. Maybe they could watch something that Randal likes tomorrow, some anime, Luther isn’t the biggest fan of anime but maybe he could do it for his sick little brother. Maybe they could play some games. Randal drifted off into sleep feeling hopeful.
This time was interesting. Randal wasn’t at home or at his school but in a forest, damp mulch underneath his shoes and foliage so dense he could not see the sky. It was dark. In the darkness he spotted a lonesome bright orange spot, looking to be a campfire. He started walking towards it carefully placing each step, trying to not slip or trip on a root. As he got closer he noticed there was a whole campsite set up around the fire with chairs and a tent and as he got even closer he noticed a person sitting on one of the chairs near the fire.
“Good evening Randal, beautiful night we’re having isn’t it” Luthers voice sounded muffled and distant even tho Randal was standing right in front of him.
“Good evening brother, what’s happening?” Randal asked, no fear in his voice just pure confusion at the unusual dream setting.
“We’re camping. Can’t you see? Come take a seat” Luthers voice peaked and cut out and got extremely loud at random moments.
Randal walked over to the chair standing next to Luthers and sat down, looking into the fire burning as his brother began speaking again.
“I couldn’t help but notice you’ve began acting extremely strange around me as of recent Randal, that’s why I took you on this camping trip so you could be honest with me and yourself without any modern commodities to distract you.. Now do you have something to confess?” Luther asked, his voice booming through the forest so loud it was making Randals ears ring as he thought of an appropriate answer.
“I.. I guess I don’t know, I wish I could say something but im scared you’re gonna be disgusted with me” Randal said twiddling his thumbs.
He hoped that maybe if he vented his thoughts to dream Luther it would make him feel better, more lighter on the soul.
“Oh Randal… You’re my little brother, I would never be disgusted with you telling me your feelings…” Luther replied quietly as he put his hand on Randals shoulder making him flinch away slightly before leaning into his brother touch.
“Heh.. I’m afraid you don’t know what you’re talking about but fine..” Randal laughed nervously before sighing, bracing himself.
“Well let’s just say I am.. Infatuated… with a certain someone, but I feel like they would reject me and really hurt our friendship if I were to bare my soul to them” He tip toed around the fact that the certain someone which he was talking about was sitting right next to him.
“Why would I ever by disgusted with you over such a thing, Randal? Young love is one of the most beautiful things out there, you have nothing to be ashamed of” Luther spoke his voice finally seeming normal like how it usually sounds outside of Randals dreams instead of all distorted and unnecessarily loud.
Randal just smiled, his face feeling a little warm, maybe from sitting by the fire maybe from his brothers sweet words maybe a little bit of both. Either way it was a nice feeling.
“Why would you think that person would reject you? Such a charming young man?” He remarked, a Luther version of a cheeky grin appearing on his face as he spoke, signified by the characteristic look of leather getting stretched and wrinkled.
“Aw shucks.. Well thank you big brother but I’m afraid I’m not really that persons type… and they see me as a uh.. friend… more than anything, I feel like me suddenly telling them I’m in love with them would ruin everything, our friendship is so perfect…” Randal responded still awkwardly dancing around the actual topic of the conversation.
“I see… I suppose you could wait and see if your feelings fizzle out on their own and you can go back to being normal friends with them again and if the burning fire of passion still persists in your heart after some time has passed you could try confessing to them, if you two really are such good friends this shouldn’t put a strain on the friendship…” Luther assured, rubbing Randals shoulder while smiling at him.
“Hm… Maybe you’re right.. Thank you Luther” Randal smiled at his brother, his face feeling all warm and insides all fuzzy.
He pondered his brothers words for a moment. After a moment of silence, Luther took his hand off Randals shoulder, got up from his chair which now when Randal looked at it seemed comically small, like the moment Luther got his ass up it shrank, picked up a bucket of water which seemingly appeared out of nowhere right next to Luthers tiny chair and he poured it out onto the fire before clapping his hands loudly.
“Well Randal, I suppose it’s time for bed” He said, his voice unnaturally cheerful.
Randal stared up at his brothers dark silhouette for a second, right after that looking around, looking for something, he’s not exactly sure what. An escape route, a weapon, an excuse, salvation maybe. He knew the ugly part of his dream was fast approaching. He got up from his chair slowly, at the same time Luther walked up to the tent and unzipped it’s opening. Randal kept staring at him, his eyes following his brothers every movement.
“Go in the tent” Luther muttered, his tone sounding quiet yet assertive.
Luther held the opening of the tent open, while staring Randal down with his big empty eyes. Randal was frozen in place. It was going to happen again it all was going to happen again. Maybe this time he could try running away, maybe he would be able to lose Luther in the dark woods, but he was afraid that if his brother did manage to catch him he wouldn’t be so nice anymore and would make it hurt on purpose. The thought of his brother being angry with him while raping him sent a shiver up Randals spine, his vision going slightly blurry for a second. A lone droplet of sweat rolled off his forehead as he could see Luther slowly losing his patience.
“Come on Randal, don’t make me repeat myself” Luther said more sternly as he gestured at the opening of the tent.
“Luther I want to go home” Randal whispered, his voice weak and quivering.
Luther sighed and stepped towards Randal, grabbing him by the shoulder and lightly pushing him towards the tent. Randal couldn’t ignore his brothers order any longer, if he kept resisting a scuffle would break out and it wouldn’t end well for him. He stepped into the tent transitioning from standing to crouching down as the ceiling of the camping tent was shorter than him, while his older brother kept pushing him further in. They were both crammed inside as Luther zipped up the entrance behind them. Randal could just barely make out his brothers face in the darkness, he was moving closer, his breath grazing Randals face as there were mere centimeters between them. It’s starting. Luther kept getting closer and closer before connecting their lips, immediately sliding his long snakey tongue into his little brothers mouth, making him shudder in disgust. Randals eyes remained open, he stared at his brothers cold blank face as his tongue kept pushing deeper into his mouth. There was no point in fighting, this would happen every time Randal went to sleep anyway and fighting wouldn’t change anything. All he could do was wait for something from the real world to wake him up while his brother violates him in his dreams. He could feel Luthers long slender decorated with rings fingers slip under his shirt. He shuddered and the skin on his stomach twitched as his big brothers cold hands made contact with it, but he didn’t move, just staring off into Luthers empty eyes as his tongue pushed so far into his mouth it made him gag. Luther pulled away quickly still holding his hands on Randals stomach.
“I’m sorry” Luther whispered and kissed the corner of his young brothers mouth “Please lay down” He said brushing a strand of Randals hair behind his ear.
Randal gulped quietly the action physically hurting his throat before slowly laying down as Luther quickly got on top of him and started unbuttoning his shirt. Randal didn’t have the will or the energy to fight him, he just laid there motionless, staring off into the ceiling of the tent as his small breasts were exposed. Even tho he wasn’t looking at him he could feel Luthers eyes drilling into his slim pale body, so pale it was still pretty visible even in the darkness. As he stared off into space he could hear the sound of his brother unbuckling his belt, the sound turning Randals mouth into a disgusted frown as he knew what it implied. Luther leaned down, cupped Randals cheek with his hand and placed a couple of gentle loving kisses on his brother face as his other hand undid the boys fly. Randal involuntarily pressed his legs together as his pants were removed before Luther forcibly spread them squeezing Randals thighs making him wince in pain.
“Don’t move Randal, I don’t want to hurt you” Luthers voice echoed in Randals ears.
If he didn’t want to hurt him this wouldn’t be happening. If he really didn’t want to hurt him he would get off of Randal right now or he wouldn’t even be getting on top of him in the first place. But then again maybe he thought this was what’s best for his little brother. It made Randal think. What would really happen if he confessed his feelings to the real Luther. His real actual big brother. How would Luther react. With disgust perhaps. Maybe he would throw Randal out of the house and what would Randal do then. He’s not a normal teenage boy, the only place he belongs is in his home, with his dolls, with the ghosts, with the pets. With his brother. What if Luther reciprocated his feelings. Would they fuck. That would make Luther a pedophile. Would he wait for Randal to turn 18. Would it hurt. Would it be as scary, painful and uncomfortable as this. As he continued thinking through all the options of what could happen if he confessed his real feelings, he could feel the dream Luther peeling the underwear off his body and then immediately pushing his finger inside making Randal wince and inhale sharply. He continued trying to distract himself with his thoughts, gritting his teeth and tensing up his jaw, as Luther painfully moved his finger in and out of his uncomfortably tight pussy. He would like to have sex with Luther in real life, it didn’t matter to him that would technically make his brother a bad person. He wanted his brother to want him. He wanted it to be cute and romantic like in anime. If he confessed to Luther he wanted him to kiss him, slowly at first before getting rougher. He wanted Luther to pull him closer with his strong large hands and hold him gently as if he was just a fragile porcelain doll. He wanted Luther to be slow and careful, mindful of how young and inexperienced his little brother is. His thoughts were suddenly interrupted with the feeling of sudden emptiness from Luther pulling his fingers out of Randal probably deciding that he was now wet enough from fantasizing about his brother loving him. Randals eyes widened and he held his breath as he could feel Luther aligning the tip of his cock with his entrance before slowly starting to push it in. It was painful and it felt disgusting. Randal felt nauseous and he began to worry if he was going to throw up. He shut his eyes tightly trying to ignore the sensation, trying to think about something else, anything to distract himself or to forget that this was happening, but he simply couldn’t.
“Luther, Luther it hurts it hurts, please…” He managed to choke out desperately.
“I know, I’m sorry, I’m gonna be done soon I promise” Luther coo'd quietly, as he took Randal hand in his, interlocking their fingers together.
Randal squeezed Luthers hand, gritting his teeth even harder, trying desperately not to scream in pain as his brother began slowly moving his hips.
“We’re in the woods, noone will hear you, you can let it out” Luther whispered, probably having heard Randals struggling to keep his voice down.
Randal already knew he could scream. They were in a dream after all. Nobody would hear him or save him even if they weren’t in the woods. Although remembering that it was just a dream did make him feel slightly better, right before he cried out in pain from a particularly rough thrust. He squeezed Luthers hand harder. He broke out in cold sweat, his stomach hurting, feeling like he could genuinely throw up on himself out of pain right in his moment, drowning himself in puke, putting an end to his suffering, before he felt his brothers breath right against his ear.
“Randal… Look at me” Luther whispered suddenly, making the young boy flinch away.
He opened his eyes slowly and turned his gaze from the tents roof to his brothers face, which was intensely staring him down, ambiguous dream lighting reflecting off his eyes like they were two glass buttons. Randal could barely make out his face in the darkness, but from what he could see it was strange. Almost blank as usual, mouth like a long slit across his face and two hollow fake eyes staring into everything that’s in front of them but it still looked different. More intense. Stabbing pain in Randals stomach becoming too unbearable to ignore.
“I know you are in love with me Randal” Luther spoke in a quiet, calm tone,squeezing his brothers hand slightly while he continued staring into his face.
Randals stared wide eyed at his brother, feeling his eyes tearing up. It felt like there was a brick stuck in his throat. He didn’t need to hear this. Not right now not ever. It felt like his confession was being taken from him, like even more of his control was getting stripped away in that moment. It felt so horribly real it made his heart ache, he couldn’t help but imagine Luther saying those exact words to him in real life with a look of disgust on his face. Tears started rolling down his face and pained moans began escaping his mouth as his brother moved inside him, faster and faster. He turned his head to the side, not wanting to look at Luther anymore, not wanting to look at anything anymore, just wanting this to be all over soon, sobbing into the blanket laid out on the tents floor.
“I love you too Randal, this is what people do when they love eachother” Luther spoke and Randal could hear that he was smiling just from the tone of his voice.
Randal couldn’t breathe, each heaving breath only coming after a fight with his esophagus.
“Luther… Please… Hurts…” He pleaded, his voice raspy, every word feeling painful as it left his mouth.
The speed at which Luther was thrusting into him only increased, the pain making Randals throat close up, his whole face feeling congested from the lack of oxygen. Luther gently rubbed the top of Randals hand with his thumb and placed a loving kiss on his little brothers pale tear stained face before letting go off his hand, leaning down and pushing his hands under Randals body, wrapping his arms around him, hugging him tightly and pressing his face to his younger brothers small chest, Luthers soft, chestnut hair rubbing against his skin. At this point all that Randal could think about how much he wanted to die. He didn’t want Luther to spend time with him anymore, he didn’t want Luther to talk to him anymore, he didn’t want Luther to tell him he loves him anymore, he wanted Luther to wrap his hands around Randals throat and squeeze until the lights in his eyes go out. He could feel his brothers warm labored breath on his skin. The air in the crammed tent felt hot, heavy, humid and with Luther now squishing him in his arms it was incredibly hard for Randal to take a single breath. It truly felt like as if he was suffocating. Like his lungs were about to collapse on themselves. Like he was stuck under a pile of rubble unable to free himself. Every few seconds he managed to get in a gasping breath before going right back to opening and closing his mouth idly like a fish out of water, desperately trying to get any air to pass through his throat. As Luthers movements became faster his grip on Randals body became tighter. It felt like his ribs were being crushed. His brain didn’t know which pain to focus on. He thought that if he weren’t in a dream world he would have definitely passed out by now. Randal began coughing, from the back of his throat, saliva sputtering out of his mouth as his face began to feel numb.
Randal closed his eyes and for a moment it actually felt like he was dying. He felt cold and light like there wasn’t anything under him or above him. He felt relief for a moment. Fresh air filled his lungs. He could finally breathe again. His eyes were closed yet he could see a bright light falling on his eyelids illuminating the blood vessels inside of them. If he were to open his eyes he would probably go blind. After a few second spent in pure peaceful bliss he started feeling heavy again. Darkness engulfed his body and a couple of rough coughs began clawing their way out of his windpipe. He reached up and threw the lid off his coffin before sitting up quickly, clenching his throat as he dry heaved and gagged. Even tho it was over he could still feel his ribs aching as if they were bruised. Not even mentioning the discomfort in his lower regions. Finally Randal managed to catch his breath, his throat felt sore and raw and a small wet stained has formed on his blanket from his spit dripping out of his gaping mouth. He sat there silently for a minute, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. He could feel Sebastian staring at him, probably in shock, from across the room. He didn’t want to acknowledge him for now. His gloved hands were shaking, his whole face was wet. He didn’t know if he could do this much longer. He didn’t know if he could just kept going to sleep, having these dreams, waking up exhausted and distressed. He didn’t know if he could keep hiding from Luther, how much longer he could be scared of his own older brother. How much longer he could pretend that he didn’t like him. But he had to. Not even considering Luthers reaction, just thinking about having to confess to Luther made Randal want to end his shit. He sighed deeply. He didn’t like admitting that to himself but he was scared. Very much so. He felt so lost.
“Sebastian, come here buddy” His voice was raspy but he spoke in a tone similar to what a child would sound like calling over their dog. Sebastian flinched slightly at his master speaking up so suddenly after what seemed like a violet panic attack to him, but he did walk over to him slowly, stepped into his coffin and sat down beside him, nervous about what Randal could possible want from him after all that. Randal simply scooted over to him, wrapped his arms around Sebastians lanky frame and pressed his face into his flat chest. One could maybe even call this a hug. Randal Ivory was a very strange young man.