Chapter Text
SFW:
⋆ To be honest, I feel like even in a relationship Alfred's the type to be a whole ass brain rot. On purpose too though, he just thinks it's funny to walk up to someone and immediately go, “Skibidi toilet rizz 😼” and watch them lose their mind too.
⋆ Also thinks it's funny to have you talk in brain rot. He would literally latch onto you and cry fake tears just to communicate in brain rot with him. I'm 100% certain he has a personal diary that he uses to help you understand brain rot language. Oh, you don't like that?? Too bad, Arthur and Matthew have already ‘hell-nah’d’ outta there. Sorry dude.
⋆ Alright jokes aside I think depending he'd be an absolute sweetheart. Sure, maybe not Francis level kind of sweet but he has his own charms after living so long― even if his idea of flirting is as bad as Arthur's.
⋆ I think if he starts developing a crush on someone (you) he's the type to immediately go, “OH FUCK I HAVE A CRUSH!” 😭 He's just the type to find it hard to believe he could ever love someone but then oopsy daisy, here comes this cute stranger―damn it, the superhero guideline did not warn him about this.
⋆ I think before a relationship he tries to convince himself that the feelings he has is strictly platonic, because he's never felt this way before, so surely that means it's definitely platonic, right? Right?
⋆ If he somehow manages to believe that he is, in fact, in love, lucky you! He is 100% going to be as dramatic as possible with his confession so you have three options: 1) a rainy day where he shows up at your door soaked to the bone to play the part, 2) a rescue attempt when you're most definitely not in danger and which he takes it as a perfect opportunity to call you the ‘hero’s partner’ or 3) randomly confesses over a dinner or some shit.
⋆ Dating Alfred will be the death of you if you're an introvert or perhaps some sort of spiritual awakening (in a good way.) I think he'd be hella clueless about boundaries and stuff and would be so clingy as all hell. You'll have to sit him down and explain some stuff to him, especially about the calling every hour because it's sweet but he should focus on his work too for his own sanity.
⋆ As mentioned he definitely is the type to be ‘clingy’―but to be fair, he only does it just to make sure you're safe, and if in the instance you're a human and not a personification.
⋆ He definitely sends TikTok videos and says ‘us <3’. If you don't respond immediately he's going to break down your door and demand you do if you love him. (No, I'm not so sure how that happened either. He's a superhuman cough.)
⋆ I think he's a sucker for PDA if you let him. He just wants to hug you or hold your hand. Maybe not so much kisses, that's for closed doors, but everything else is on the table. He will hug the shit out of you.
⋆ We all know he's a damn bragger but now he's even more insufferable. Why? Well, duh, you don't actually think the Alfred F. Jones wouldn't brag about his partner, do you?? Heaven help the man (or country) that asks about you because he is going to yap their ears off. Think of a parent showing off baby pictures of their kids―yeah, he's like that. I'm certain everyone in the world meetings knows more about you than you yourself so when the time comes for introductions it's just a “Oh, you're (Name)! Yeah, no, America doesn't shut the fuck up about you 😃”
⋆ Alfred is the type of partner to ask you at like 3 in the morning if you love him because you accidentally pushed him away in your sleep and now he's on the verge of tears so please assure him you do.
⋆ He also asks you the “would you still love me as a worm” questions. Blame that on England.
⋆ I think his love language is probably gift giving. He's so extravagant and dramatic so he'd probably show up at your door with a teddy bear that's too big to carry. Cost?? Pft, doesn't matter, you're getting more gifts every damn day because he loves you.
⋆ Alfred is a supportive as shit boyfriend. He may not understand some of the stuff you're into but he's definitely gonna do his best to support you.
⋆ If you're into anime, chances are he's gonna go barging into Japan's house and (force) beg him to help him get a cute gift for you. Alfred is gonna show up at your house with random figures and go, “Hey babe, isn't this that one character you like, what's-his-name?”
“That's Armin from Attack On Titan.”
“Isn't he the one with red eyes??”
“Uh. That's Kurapika.”
“Like Pikachu?”
“....yeah.”
NSFW:
⋆ You know those mangas that have the questionable MCs with the most boring ass fucking personality and should be burned alive and somehow has incredible stamina? That's Alfred, but hotter and sweeter and I definitely won't attempt to stab him because he's so much better than those scum of the earth I hope they die boring ass bitches.
⋆ Yeah anyways he definitely has stamina to last for days 🤔 personally I think most of the personifications have inhumane stamina though some like England would have what would be considered old man stamina―just depends I suppose. But yeah he's definitely made you bedridden when you fuck 👍
⋆ I think Alfred's the type to be into roleplaying for some reason. Especially superhero fantasies where he as the super awesome hero comes to save you and you fall in love with him and then you two fuck. Honestly any scenario where he can swoop you off your feet is enough to get him all hot and bothered. I don't know why either.
⋆ 100% has a thigh kink too. Oh yeah, boobs and ass are hot but thighs are just as good and Alfred makes sure to remind you of that by the bites and hickeys left behind on your thighs. It seriously doesn't matter, he is going for your thighs above all else. If you're the type to wear shorts or skirts, you may just as well have no choice but to wear longer clothing because he will leave marks for days.
⋆ I also think he might be into manhandling too. Do you see how this fucker flaunts his strength? He definitely gets hard when he can bully you into any position he wants (as long as it doesn't hurt you) and just go wild on you.
⋆ Cowgirl is his favorite position and yes I am saying this for a cowboy reference and no I don't regret it. He likes a position where he could just see how adorable your fucked out position looks 💁
⋆ Oh, he definitely has a praise kink too come to think of it. Alfred F. Jones drinks up any sort of praise so if you praise him while he's blowing your back out then you're in for a long night.
⋆ I think he'd be a top mainly but sometimes on occasion he'd let you be in charge just to tease you about it. He thinks it's cute.
⋆ Me also thinks he likes giving and receiving head. Watching you go down on his dick is awesome but when he can go down on you is even more awesome because he absolutely loves your moans. I'm certain there's neighbor complaints about how loud you two are.
⋆ Big dick Al― dies.