Chapter Text
The next morning, he woke up to the sound of an alarm.
Mark’s eyebrows furrowed. He was at Hyuck’s wasn’t he? It was the weekend. Why would he have an alarm?
He opened his eyes. It was still dark out. His phone said five am.
Then Mark looked around, realized where he was, and sobbed.
The devastation crashed over him like a tidal wave: he was back. Back in his dorm, back in his too skinny idol frame, back in his old universe. The very next morning after the night he’d left, like he’d never even been gone.
Slamming his face into his pillow, Mark screamed as the tears flowed from his eyes, choking on his own cries, getting his pillow disgusting but who gave a fuck because it was over.
It was over! It was over! His quiet life of happiness was over. Gone. And he had to return to his old life of desperation and daydreams.
The room stayed dark and his world blurred. Hours or seconds could have passed, Mark didn’t know, Mark didn’t care.
He was in his twin bed, no room for his tattoo covered Hyuck behind him. He was alone again.
Alone. No more tattoos from Renjun. No more lunches on campus with Dejun. No more nights out at the bar with Ten and Taeyong. No more talks about his boyfriend with his mom.
No more love from Donghyuck.
Everything was gone.
Choking on another sob, Mark looked at his phone again.
What stupid fucking schedule had he had? Why did he need to get up this early?
Mark gasped and rolled over.
Taeyong was going to the military today.
Taeyong. Taeyong was still here. He was a bit different; different life experiences changed him between universes. But it was still the same Taeyong that practically raised him.
And Ten, the same sassy dancer. Renjun, the true artist. Doyoung, an old brother figure. His mom was still his mom.
And Donghyuck. He’d fallen in love with both Donghyuck’s. But the Donghyuck from this universe was still his first and forever love.
He wasn’t alone. He never had been.
Daydreaming about going back wasn’t going to do anything for him. Daydreaming about what could be instead of making it happen? That’s what made him so miserable in this universe. This time around, he has to do something.
It would never be the same. But his chance of happiness was far from taken away.
Sitting up, fire flowing through his veins, Mark grabbed his phone. He started with a few texts:
He asked Dejun if he wanted to get lunch sometime.
He asked if Renjun would ever show him some of his art.
He told Doyoung was a great role model he was for all of them, especially the dreamies, and how much Mark appreciated him taking care of them all over the years.
He asked his mom when she had time for a phone call. His heart thrummed with anxiety about the very idea of coming out to her, but there was no way he was letting them be distant any longer.
Mark shifted in bed, the corner of his sleep t-shirt lifting up. He choked again, seeing the bare skin on his hip instead of the cobweb tattoo that made him so confident. The tears threatened to start again, but Mark steeled himself.
He texted Johnny and Yuta, asking for tattoo parlor recommendations.
Finally, Mark checked the time again: six am. Almost time for Taeyong to go.
Mark leapt out of bed and made his way to Taeyong’s room, the shape of the dorm quickly returning to his long forgotten memories.
He wasn’t sure exactly what he was going to say to Taeyong. He just knew he would be real, be honest , say the things that had always been in his heart.
Mark knocked three times. Taeyong met him with a sleepy grin and beckoned him inside.
“What are you doing up so early?” Taeyong groggily asked.
“I wanted to wish you goodbye. See you off.”
Taeyong smile was purely affectionate, and he pinched Mark’s cheek like he hadn’t since Mark was fourteen.
“You’re sweet.”
“No. I really wanted to, hyung.”
Sighing, Taeyong started stuffing more clothes into his suitcase.
“Are you nervous?” Mark asked.
“A little. But I’m also kind of excited.” Taeyong sighed again. “It’ll be nice to live differently for a while. Escape the things… that remind me of…” Taeyong looked at Mark before quickly turning his gaze away, awkward. “Things that remind me of memories.”
Melancholy washed over Mark. Knowing what he’d realized back in the old universe, Mark could see how the wreckage of Taeyong and Ten’s relationship was shoved into his face every day.
It must have been painful, considering a lack of love had nothing to do with their end as a couple.
“I’ll be around regular people. With regular problems. I hope I can make friends.”
“I know you will, Taeyong.”
Taeyong didn’t answer for a long time. When he did, his voice was quiet.
“It’s a lonely life, being an idol.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
Taeyong looked very surprised at Mark’s answer.
“Taeyong… before you go… you should tell Ten you still love him.”
Taeyong froze in place. Shock in his eyes turned to searching Mark’s gaze, then a pointed glare at the floor.
“How long have you known?”
“Not long. I was blind before. But recently… I realized. I realized a lot of his things.”
Taeyong’s breaths sped up. How quickly his expressions turned from surprise, to longing, to deep, deep hurt, to just… loneliness.
He would always be lonely without Ten. Just like Mark would always be lonely without Donghyuck.
Finally, he looked back up at Mark. Like as scary as it was, he knew Mark was right.
Taeyong swallowed thickly and nodded. “Okay. Okay Mark. I’ll tell him.” He stared right into Mark’s eyes. “But you… if I do that, you have to tell Donghyuck that you accept him.”
Mark didn’t even think before answering. “I’m not going to tell him I accept him. I’m going to tell him that I love him.”
Taeyong’s lips parted and he took in a slow breath.
Simultaneously, Mark exhaled. Taeyong knew what Mark meant. He knew. Of course he did.
“Oh Mark.” Taeyong quickly pulled him into a hug, squeezing him tight. He sniffled, and Mark felt himself sniffle too. “I didn’t think you’d ever… but god I’m so happy…”
“Me either, hyung. Me either.”
“Proud of you,” Taeyong whispered.
“Proud of us,” Mark answered.
They sat quietly in that hug for a long time, until the first days of the sun starting poking through Taeyong’s windows.
Taeyong pulled away, finally, his eyes still shining. He patted Mark’s shoulders.
“We’re going to be okay. Aren’t we?”
Mark, for the first time that morning, managed a smile. “Of course we are.”
~~~~~~~~~
After Taeyong left the dorm, leaving him with another hug and relieved smiles on their lips, Mark decided it was time.
He’d done everything else to bring the other universe into this one.
Now, he just needed Donghyuck.
Nerves flared in his stomach as he knocked on Donghyuck’s door.
“It’s open,” Hyuck answered, and Mark pushed his way inside.
Seeing Donghyuck’s face again, Mark immediately relaxed. It’s him. Even if he doesn’t know they were boyfriends, even if this Donghyuck isn’t quite the same… it’s still Donghyuck. His childhood best friend, the boy he grew up with, his first and forever love.
Donghyuck was sat up in bed, phone in hand, casual. Mark quickly flopped on top of him.
Donghyuck stiffened under his touch. “H-hey Mark.”
Oh. Yeah. This Donghyuck wasn’t used to Mark’s touches. That hadn’t been normal for them in a long time.
Pushing down his sadness, Mark sat up and moved to the other side of the bed. Was this even a good idea?
“Can’t believe Taeyong hyung is gone…”
“I know,” Donghyuck answered with a sigh. “What are we going to do?”
“He said we’re all going to be okay.”
Donghyuck quirked a suspicious eyebrow. “Did he now?”
“Yeah.”
Mark sighed. God, fuck, he couldn’t bear not to touch him so Mark crawled back to Donghyuck’s side of the bed, laying his head in Hyuck’s lap.
No matter what happened in the other universe, this was still a major confession. Mark was still anxious, avoiding Donghyuck’s eyes.
Funnily enough, the only thing that could cure Donghyuck related anxiety was Donghyuck himself: his warmth, his presence, the feel of his form against Mark’s cheek.
Donghyuck tensed again. His next exhale was shaky. Mark didn’t see it, but he felt Donghyuck’s arm reach up as if to run his fingers through Mark’s hair, before snatching it away with a sigh.
Mark wanted so bad to just grab that hand and squeeze it and give it a little kiss and put it back on his head.
Not now. Not yet. Maybe, later.
“I love you,” Mark mumbled. Ripping the band aid.
Donghyuck was quiet a little too long for friends. “Love you too, dude.” His chuckle was awkward and a little sad.
Mark turned around, head still on Donghyuck’s lap, and looked up at him. “No. Donghyuck, I love you.”
The emotions on Donghyuck’s face passed so rapidly Mark couldn’t possibly read them.
Finally, he whipped his head away, desperate to avoid Mark’s gaze.
“Mark, what are you-“
“Donghyuck, I-“
“If this is you’re idea of a prank, it’s really not funny-“ His voice trembled. “It’s really mean, Mark-“ He sniffled and the pitch of his voice climbed higher.
“No!”
Mark sat up and cupped Donghyuck’s cheeks in his hands. Tears pooled in Hyuck’s eyes, seconds from slipping down his face. “Donghyuck, I’m being serious. I’m… I’m in love with you.”
Finally… Donghyuck’s expression went blank. Completely, totally, blank.
“You’re it for me. My first and forever love. Endgame. I… I loved you from the moment I first met you, and I have ever since. Always. And… I’m not sorry about it. I’m only sorry that it took me so long to say.”
Donghyuck searched. He searched Mark’s face, just like he had the first time Mark said I love you back when they were kids. Searching for the real meaning, the real truth.
Mark’s heart ached for how hardened this Donghyuck was. This Donghyuck was terrified to believe him.
Donghyuck’s breathing picked up and he backed away, looking down at the tousled sheets.
“Mark… Mark… I spent my entire youth forcing myself to see you as my brother.” Donghyuck looked up at him. “I… I thought we had an understanding, you know? That you didn’t approve of my…. lifestyle, my feelings…. but that we were still friends. So we just didn’t talk about it. What happened?” He swallowed. “I loved you, I love you too, but those years fucking broke me… I’ve only just started to heal.”
Mark felt his heart drop down to his stomach, thrumming so hard he could barely hear anything over the sound of its beating.
Oh my god.
Was he too late?
Had his past self ruined everything?
He took a deep breath. In, then out. When he spoke again, he was far quieter.
“I was so scared to be open about my own feelings that I didn’t even realize yours. I swear. That’s how I spent my youth too, trying not to love you the way I did, thinking of us as brotherly or friendly love even though I knew that wasn’t what was in my heart.”
“You… Mark. You really had no idea? You had no idea that I was gay?”
Slowly, Mark shook his head. “I didn’t. I was so ashamed of my own queerness, so afraid of people finding out, that I couldn’t even look around and realize I wasn’t alone.”
"I hurt you," he continued. "I didn't ever mean to but I hurt you." Mark raised his gaze to meet Donghyuck's eyes. He was shaking now. "Is it too late?"
Donghyuck gasped a little. Mark watched his fingers grasp at the sheets, the rest of his body frozen tight. Until, he released, and looked back at Mark.
"No. No, Mark, of course it's not too late. We'll have to take things slow... and be very careful with each other. But Mark. We have to try. We have to. No matter what you or I went through in the past, I couldn't help but love you. And I still can't help but love you. Now that I know I have your love back... how could I possibly let that go?"
Finally, still with some tears in his eyes, Donghyuck began to smile. It was small, a little scared and a lot hopeful all at once, but there was a certain happiness in it Mark had never seen on Donghyuck before.
Mark knew he was meeting Donghyuck with the same look on his face.
Suddenly, and Mark wasn't sure who started it, they closed the distance between them. Mark held his Donghyuck tight, so tight to him, squeezing his warm frame with all the strength in his body. Donghyuck held him back, hot breath tickling the peach fuzz on his ear. Pressing their chests together so hard it was like they were trying to become one person.
"Mark." Donghyuck pulled away, panting. The smile on his lips reached far past his eyes, taking over his whole face. "Mark, you really love me? You really do?"
"Yeah," Mark breathed out, matching Donghyuck's grin. "Yeah, I love you. Always have."
"Me too." Donghyuck nodded fast, voice breathy. "Me too. I love you too."
He played with the hair by Mark's cheeks, tucking dye damaged locks behind Mark's ear, caressing his jaw and the corners of his eyes, like he was seeing him for the very first time.
"And... and you wanna be with me?"
"I wanna be yours," Mark answered.
"Oh my god... if my twelve year old self could see me now, I..." Donghyuck trailed off into his memories. Mark thought of his own memories, of how his inner child was healed by his first kiss with Donghyuck in the other universe. His heart swelled even more to think of Donghyuck feeling the same.
The memory made Mark smile. It made Mark want to feel it again. "Can I kiss you?"
"Mark. Mark? You... you wanna kiss me?"
Mark giggled. "Yeah. Yeah. I wanna kiss you really badly."
"I wanna kiss you too."
Mark watched a still shocked Donghyuck's eyes flicker down to Mark's lips one, two, three, times before finally leaning in. Mark met him halfway.
Holy shit, holy fuck, oh my god.
This was the best first kiss of all.
Maybe it was all the angst, the build up, the years of longing and pining and yearning and aching and lamenting and craving and dreaming. Maybe it was the familiarity, his childhood love with the same kissing style as other universe Donghyuck. Either way, maybe a bit of both, it was magic. Pure and utter magic. Far better than anything a movie could come up with.
They pulled away, breathing heavy, foreheads resting together. They couldn't kiss for too long because it was almost too much for either to handle.
Donghyuck patted around the bed. Finding Mark's hand, his wrapped his around it, squeezing. An awkward hand holding form, but the desperation to just touch made it perfect.
"I'm sorry," Donghyuck whispered.
"No. No, what are you even sorry about? I'm the one who should be sorry."
"Mark, I acted crazy. I shut you out and let strangers in. God, I slept with way too many men-"
"I know, Hyuck. I don't care. I understand. You didn't know how I felt. I made sure of that."
"I was just. Just trying to distract. Anything to not think of you that way. Fuck... so many American military guys. I just... they spoke like you, Mark. They sounded a little bit like you. I know I was searching for you in every man I was ever with you."
"But I'm Canadian."
Slowly, Donghyuck smiled again. "That's why you're perfect, Mark Lee."
Mark flushed and smiled, a bit of the other universe's Hyuck and his flirty bants coming through. Mark knew, though that the only way he could counter was to quiet him with a kiss.
So he pulled Donghyuck by the collar of his shirt and pressed their mouths together, soft lips against lips, soft hands against arms and waists, shy but gaining confidence with every sigh, every touch.
That's how they spent that day, just the two of them, holed up together in a little dorm room the men in their mid twenties had long outgrown, releasing the love they'd held onto since they were just kids. Mark could mourn the old universe, but he brought what made it so good back with him. Being open, being himself, letting himself love and be loved, especially by the man he loved the most.
They couldn't help but love each other.
But they wanted to, too.