Chapter Text
A sweet lullaby escapes Astarion’s lips as he soothes his sister to sleep. He tried to distract her from the muffled arguments coming from the other side of the door, but her face contorted with a mixture of confusion and worry. He gently brushed her hair back, petting her blonde locks. They curl down past her chin in beautiful little ringlets.
“Can you cuddle me?” Her sweet voice called to him.
No hesitation has him scooting in close to his sister, embracing her and pulling a head full of golden curls to his chest. She seemed more comfortable now, and he’s grateful for that.
“Don’t worry, I’ll always be here for you.” Astarion cooed at her.
“Happy birthday Starry.” She said, peeking up from under his chin.
“Thank you Sissy.” Astarion had forgotten it was his birthday, but he wasn’t surprised his five year old sister had remembered. She was thoughtful and kind, a lot like their mother, he thinks.
“How many are you now?”
“I’m fourteen.”
“Wow! Fourteen that’s a lot!”
Astarion smiled, laughing. “It’s not that much! I’m not old!”
“You are! You’re old and your hair is white like an old man too!” She giggled.
Astarion let his eyes drift to the pile of clothes on the floor, feeling upset and sad at the sudden mean comment his sister had given him. He couldn’t help what he looked like.
“What’s wrong Starry?” Sissy asked, her small hand reaching up to poke his chin.
“I just don’t like it when people make fun of my hair.”
“Oh, but why?”
“Because it hurts my feelings. I know I look different from everyone else.” Astarion swallowed, trying not to cry. His father told him that was for girls, not boys.
His sister seemed to think about that, going quiet for a few moments. She sat up in the bed, looking down at him. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”
“It’s okay Sissy.” Astarion pulled her back down into his arms.
He heard his father’s muffled aggressive voice in the dining room just outside their room, and tried to eavesdrop on the conversation, but he couldn't quite make it out. His mother’s voice is much softer, less angry. They’ve seemed to calm down for the most part, their argument beginning to quiet.
Astarion pulled the blanket over him and Sissy, and he felt her going limp from finally drifting to sleep. He felt his own eyes grow heavy, and watched the light under the door of their bedroom slowly disappear as he shut his eyelids.
A sudden crash from outside the door jerked him awake, and he felt his heart beating fast in his chest. The yelling moved to right outside the door, and he could hear a struggle taking place. Astarion squeezed his sister to his chest, hoping to shield her ears from whatever was happening. He could hear them moving to the bathroom at the end of the hall, and the struggling grew louder and louder, until it finally stopped with a loud thunk that rumbled the floor.
Sissy stirred awake, her eyes wide with surprise.
“What was that?”
Astarion pulled away from her. “I don’t know. Stay here.”
He felt tiny arms grip him tightly. “No, please don’t leave me Starry.”
Astarion looked down at blue eyes pleading, shaking with nerves and fear.
“Okay, come along but hold my hand please.”
Sissy stood, and latched herself to Astarion. Together, they approached the door and opened it. The hallway was a mess, the single framed picture of Sissy laying broken with glass scattered about.
The floor was wet from a drink that had been thrown, probably alcohol if Astarion knew his father well enough. A quick glance to the left and he spotted one of his father’s work boots laying on the bathroom floor next to a further mess of glass. Astarion lifted his sister, carrying her as well as he could with his small stature, and carefully navigated the shards with his bare feet.
“Why does papa break so much stuff?” Sissy asked, her eyes wide at the mess.
“Because he was mad.” Astarion answered, not sure how else to explain it.
Astarion hopes his father had left in frustration, as he usually did. When the fights got this bad, he would leave for days and return with flowers for his mother. It usually was peaceful for at least a couple days before the cycle would repeat.
A few careful tiptoes around the labyrinth of glass landed them in the kitchen, where their mother sat broken and bruised, her face reddened with tears. Astarion wishes there was something he could do as he watched her weep into her hands, which were stained with blood presumably from the glass. It pained him to see her in this state, and despite his futile attempts at standing up to his father on her behalf, he had a burning desire to see his father receive the same fate.
Carefully setting Sissy on the ground, Astarion approached his mother, and wrapped his arms around her. A head full of curly blonde locks silently appeared beside them, tiny arms wrapped around her waist.
A little face popped up, innocently staring up at them. “It’s okay mummy, you’ll have a better day later!”
“I’m already having a better day now, sweet darling.” Their mother filed her fingers through blonde locks, and pressed a kiss to Sissy’s forehead. She turned her attention to Astarion. “I have something important I need you to do for me, my little love.”
A little bit of pride swelled in Astarion’s chest, and he nodded eagerly. “Whatever you need, mum. I’ll try my best.”
Something in his mother’s eyes scared him as she touched his arm gently, peeking up through glassy eyes. Astarion suddenly felt the swelling pride he felt from his mother needing his help develop into worry and anxiety.
“I need you to go back to your room, and pack your bags. Only enough clothes that last for 3 days, including the ones you’re wearing. Please do the same for your sister.”
Sissy climbed onto their mother’s lap, twisting her hand into the frizzled blonde hair laid across a torn blouse Astarion knew had that had been his mum’s favorite. It was a simple button up splattered with different flowers, but she only wore it when she was feeling particularly happy. Those days were coming far and few between as of late. Even if she didn’t outright display her unhappiness to them, Astarion didn’t need her to draw him a picture. It was obvious in the dark circles under her eyes, and the subtle way her smile didn’t reach her eyes.
Earlier that day, she had sung to them and danced in the kitchen as she cooked their dinner, twirling Sissy about and tossing her up in the air. Those were his favorite moments, when everything was fine, just the three of them.
He was mad his father had ruined that.
Astarion processed his mother’s words silently, before nodding and doing as he was told. Back through the trail of glass, he made his way into his and Sissy’s shared room, where he fetched his duffel bag. He was happy to be going away for a little while, getting away from his father, so he had a little pep in his step. He wondered if his mother was taking them on a little walking trip like she sometimes did, by the sea for a day or two or to have a little picnic. Those were some of his favorite memories.
Two outfits apiece for him and sissy in the duffel bag thrown over his back, Astarion was back out in the kitchen where he found his mother washing her hands. Now in more direct light from the kitchen, he could make out the busted lip and cuts on her face. There was a significant amount of blood on her arms and hands, the water in the sink tinged a deep red.
Sissy was idly playing with a handmade doll he had sewn for her with his mother a few months prior. His father would be furious to know he had participated in something he considered ‘women’s work’, so his mother promised it would be their little secret. Astarion ruffled Sissy’s hair, before stepping into the kitchen.
“I’m ready! I got everything you asked for.”
His mother dried her hands on the hand towel, before taking down a set of keys from the basket on the table. “Take your sister out to the car. I’ll be there shortly.”
Astarion had never known his mother to drive before, only his father made use of the car. Often they would be left stranded without the car for weeks while his father was out after particularly severe arguments. For him to have left it behind and go somewhere on foot was out of place.
“Pa didn’t take the car?” Astarion inquired, moving to help Sissy get her shoes on.
“Not this time.” His mother answered simply.
There was a feeling of worry in his gut, and he felt a wave of something he couldn’t quite describe at the way his mother had answered him.
“Where are we going?”
“I’m not sure yet, but we will figure it out.”
Sissy rubbed her eyes, yawning deeply. Astarion picked her up, and lugged her to the front door. It was still summer, so the crickets were singing happily through the night air as he carried his dozing sister to the little estate car. The back seat was small, so he tucked her into the far corner behind the passenger seat where she curled up and closed her eyes.
Back in the house, Astarion passed by his mother’s bedroom where she was busy packing things herself. He retrieved his duffel bag from the kitchen floor, and an apple from the counter he had been saving for a special occasion.
Sissy’s doll laid on the floor in the common room, and Astarion stopped to pick it up. It had seemed the threading was starting to come undone on one of the eyes. Determined to mend it, he navigated the hallway once more into his room. Under his bed, a shoe box of sewing supplies lay in waiting. With the box tucked under his arm, he returned to the hallway.
It was particularly dark towards the bathroom, but something caught Astarion’s eye. A pool of red was starting to make itself known, seeping into the light casting in from the adjacent room. His father’s boots were propped up, the bottoms facing towards him. Slowly, he took a few steps towards the bathroom.
“Astarion, it’s time to go.” His mother’s voice called, her hand on his shoulder.
Astarion hesitated, before nodding and turning towards her. She ushered him out of the front door, and stood waiting as he tossed the duffel into the trunk. He settled in the back with Sissy with his sewing supplies while his mother disappeared back into the house, the screen door slamming behind her.
Sissy was sleeping peacefully, curled against the side of the door with her thumb securely in her mouth. Astarion watched her for a few brief moments, before fishing out his needle and thread to fix the doll.
A few pricks of his needle later, his mother rushed from their home, tossing her own bag in the trunk. Quickly in the driver’s seat, she pulled out of the driveway, gravel flying and kicking up from the sudden press of the gas.
“What’s wrong, mum? Why are we in such a hurry?” Astarion pressed his hand against Sissy to prevent her from rocking too much about the backseat.
“Nothing, don't worry. Everything is going to be alright.”
Astarion turned, watching their house disappear in the distance through the back glass of the car. Perhaps it was just his imagination, but he could have sworn he saw an orange glow cresting over the hill as they sped further away.
-
Astarion woke to the weight of someone on top of him, and hands shaking him lightly.
“Starry! Look!” Sissy’s voice called to him in his half-awoken state. He sat up, watching as the sun breached over the ocean. They were parked almost on the beach, only the dunes to block their view.
“I wanna go play in the sand!” Sissy grinned big, hopping a little in excitement.
Astarion looked around the otherwise empty car. “Where’s mum?”
“She said she was getting us some ice cream for breakfast!”
Sure enough, his mother returns a short while later with two heaping cups of ice cream, opening the door while carefully juggling them. She hands one covered in chocolate sauce to Astarion, and he accepts it excitedly. Sissy made a high pitched squealing noise, digging her spoon into the frozen treat with a messy grin.
His mother sat in the driver’s seat, and turned to them with a smile. Astarion shoveled a few piles of sugary delight into his mouth, and paused to look at her.
“None for you, mum?”
“I’m fine, little darling.”
Astarion felt a little guilty, looking at his treat. “Want a bite of mine?”
His mother smiled, leaning into the back seat. “Sure.”
Astarion loaded some onto his spoon and carefully directed it to her mouth. She quickly grabbed his hand, and flung the spoon backwards, the ice cream landing square on his nose.
“Mummy got you!” Sissy giggled.
The chorus of laughter filling the car felt warm, and right. Astarion felt happy, like this is where he belonged.
“Once you finish your ice cream, I’ll take you both to play at the beach.” Astarion’s mother promised.
“Can I build a big sandcastle?” Sissy responded eagerly.
“As big as you want, fit for a princess.”
Their mother crawled into the back seat with them, and pulled him and Sissy close to her. she smelled of salty air and fresh linen. Her sweater tickled his nose, but he didn’t care much as he nuzzled in close to her.
“I want you both to know I love you very much, and whatever happens, that will never change.” His mother squeezed them. “Sometimes in this world, you meet people who aren’t very nice. As you both well know, your Pa wasn’t very nice a lot of the time.”
Sissy had her hair twisted in their mother’s hair, and popped her thumb out. “But why? Why was papa not nice?”
“Some people are very angry, and take out their frustrations on others.”
“But that’s mean! Why would they do that?”
“It is mean, little darling. Some people were treated badly and they don’t know how to deal with it, except to pass their pain along to others. I want you both to know he won’t be able to hurt us anymore.”
Sissy moved into her lap, curious. “Where did he go?”
“You know how sometimes your papa would leave and not come back for a while? Sort of like that, but he won't be back at all now.”
Astarion listened intently, taking in her words. The relief was instant, warming him much the same way the sun had been doing that morning. His dreams of it being just the three of them was finally coming true, and he felt giddiness swell up in his chest.
“My babies, something I both want you to remember, and keep with you always. While I hope it never happens, you may meet lots of people who aren’t nice to you. They might try to make you feel bad, or doubt yourself. No matter what any of them do to you, I hope you stay true to yourself. You aren’t a product of your abuser.”
Sissy, twisting her fingers in their mother’s hair, furrowed her brow. “What’s an abuser?”
His mother thought about that, seeming to try and find the words.
Astarion spoke up. “It’s when someone treats you badly.”
Their mother nodded. “Yes, precisely.”
Sissy was quiet for a moment, before a grin spread across her face again. “Okay. So can we build a sandcastle now?”
Their mother chuckled. “I believe we can.”
Astarion began to plan for their sand castle, and imagined it as tall as Sissy. They could even dig a moat around it, and use a piece of driftwood as the drawbridge. The sun was fully visible now, rays of light filling their car and warming his body. His ice cream tasted sweet and cold on his tongue, a stark contrast to the comfortably warm interior of the car. Astarion quite liked the feeling of the sun, and if it weren’t for his easily burnt skin, he would probably spend more time basking in it.
-
They had never made it to the beach, and the past several hours had been a little of a blur to Astarion. He faintly remembers his mother being dragged away by police officers, and several others holding him and Sissy back as they both cried out for her. They were both confused and scared, and he could not hear anything the police were saying to him over the roar of his rapid heart in his ears.
The back of the car they were seated in wasn’t warm like the car was that morning, and there was no sweet ice cream on his tongue. The leather seats were cold, and he and Sissy had been handed some sort of bar to eat by a stranger claiming to want to help them.
Astarion didn’t want their help, he wanted his mother. He wanted his dream of the three of them building a sandcastle back. He wanted the warm salty air, the ice cream, and the snuggling back. Sissy was attached to his waist, having not said a word in sometime. She clinged to the doll he had mended for her, which he thankfully had stowed in his jacket pocket when they were separated from their mother.
A sweet lullaby escapes Astarion’s lips as he soothes his sister to sleep. He tried to distract her from the discussions coming from the front seat of the car, but her face contorted with a mixture of confusion and worry. He gently brushed her hair back, petting her blonde locks. They curl down past her chin in beautiful little ringlets.
“Can you cuddle me?” Her sweet voice called to him.
No hesitation has him scooting in close to his sister, embracing her and pulling a head full of golden curls to his chest. She seemed more comfortable now, and he’s grateful for that.
“Don’t worry, I’ll always be here for you.” Astarion cooed at her.