Chapter Text
Shin-ae’s getting tired of hospitals. She’s never been a fan of them, really.
It doesn’t help that her boss is in a hospital bed. To think he just did that to himself and can’t even remember the details-
How many times has she been in this environment after meeting these two brothers?
Oh, they’re not brothers. The discovery from this evening flashes in her mind.
She tries to recollect the events from earlier to connect all the dots.
She saw Kousuke bleeding after the meeting ended. She ran towards Yeong-gi’s position, and called him. With reluctance, she got him to come along. After getting closer to Kousuke again, she tried to bring his attention to her but ended up being pushed. Yeong-gi got into him seconds after, almost beating him up. Kousuke then said:
You knew, didn’t you? That’s why you’re going to Oxford… To claim what is yours by right.
How can so much information be contained in so few words? Even after their conversation started giving glimpses of context, everything was already there.
Rand Hirahara is not Kousuke’s father. Can’t be because their blood types don’t match.
And Yeong-gi is going away to England.
She couldn’t fully grasp the meaning of the first sentence. She didn’t know what it was like to discover such shocking news…
Can you imagine, after your whole life being told someone is your parent, finding out they’re not? She can’t even grasp such a thing… Shin-ae could really sympathize with Kousuke's pain.
And the news seems to have shaken not only her boss… Yeong-gi's by her side on the chairs of the hospital hallway. Haven’t said a word since they arrived.
She stands by his side, trying to be there for him.
And then she remembers the next sentence…
He’s going away. Again.
She feels her throat closing just to think about it.
It’s suffocating.
She runs towards a more open place without realizing it, her legs taking her. It’s cold outside.
Stupid Shin-ae. For once, can’t you be there for him without making this about yourself?
She doesn’t need to turn her back to feel he has followed her and it’s now by her side. She feels even more stupid for making him worried like this.
“Don’t worry, I’m alright. I just needed some fresh air,” she explains herself while wiping her tears.
“You don’t have to lie to me, Yoo.” It doesn’t help he knows she’s lying.
This makes it even worse. Because she's really trying to hold on. For him.
But everything is meaningless. It hasn’t been long since he was released, yet he’s already going away again.
Going away without not calling her by her name.
Without them having spent much time together.
They haven't even gone to the movies, for christ’s sake.
That's why she breaks. Because, at that moment, all she wanted was to hold on to the lie.
To go to the movies with him like a normal girl. Not to a hospital.
She can’t even really grasp what’d be like, as she has never been into romantic shit. Yet, she can’t help but think it’d be nice.
They’d maybe discuss what’s the best popcorn combo and what movie to see.
They’d see a popular one - and love or hate it. It wouldn’t mind, because at least they’d have done it together.
Yet, that’s all gone. Something she never had and never will. Because he’s going away to the other side of the planet.
And she’s happy for him! She is! How can she not be? It’s England they’re talking about.
It’s just that… She just… feels so small in the spectral of everything.
She wasn’t able to get him out of prison, when she was the cause in the first place. Couldn’t even go to prison to see him, because he didn’t allow her.
And now she can’t even be there for him, when his whole world had just been shaken upside down.
She stops, takes a deep breath. I’ll stop crying, she commands herself.
Shin-ae feels a touch in her right arm. She turns, not ready yet.
Before being able to see his face, he’s all around her. Embracing her.
She hugs him back. A minute or two passes with them like this when she takes the courage to say:
“I’m sorry…”
They separate. They look at each other, finally.
“Don’t be,” he replies, wiping her tears. With this, she allows herself to calm down.
Shin-ae uses her dress sleeves to help wipe the rest of her tears. They’re still pretty close, with Yeong-gi’s eyes locked on her face.
A funny thought comes to her mind. “This was not how I pictured today would go,” she says, lighter. He smiles along, softly.
“Yeah, me neither.”
Beat.
“How are you?” she asks.
“I’m okay.”
“With the news, I mean…”
He takes a deep breath and avoids her eyes for the first time. He goes to the rail of the balcony to gain time. She follows along.
“I don’t know,” he begins. “It… just doesn’t make sense.”
She nods her head. “Yeah, it doesn’t…”
Another beat.
Yeong-gi looks at Shin-ae before he says: “By the way, I was going to tell you myself. Today, in the movies.”
He doesn’t need him to say what it’s about for her to know it’s about Oxford.
“It’s okay,” she says.
“It’s not, Yoo,” he replies.
“It is,” she means it. “Oxford’s… a pretty big deal. I’m happy for you.” More than she can feel now, but she is.
“Please don’t say that,” he urges.
Shin-ae looks at Yeong-gi, who’s with an angry expression so out of the blue. She doesn’t understand why.
“It’s true,” now she’s convinced about her feelings.
“That doesn’t help me,” he says, looking anywhere but her.
She then notices he’s squeezing his own hands, out of… angriness? Frustration? Like as if she can’t understand him even if he’d draw for her.
But- why “that doesn’t help him”? What is he trying to say?
Now she’s the one angry.
“What do you mean? Are you being forced to go so far?” That must be the reason, right?
“What?! No, that’s not it Yoo…”
For you to leave me again.
“Aren’t you happy?”
“I am. I’m finally doing something right.” A knife in her heart would hurt less. “But that’s not what I meant.”
Why are you doing this to me?
“So then what?!” she screams. It’s not like she wants to but she’s just- “I’m trying my best to be supportive of you. I want to see you happy and- and accomplish everything you want. That’s all I ever wished for, ever since we became friends.” Her voice is starting to break, and her vision feels blurred but she continues. “Of course I’m happy for you. Now you’re finally out of prison! That was my fault. But now you’re free to run away for it all. And to go to Oxford! How couldn’t I be happy?”
“Shin-ae.”
This makes her stop.
It sounds soft when he says it. As if he wasn’t used to the word.
She, too, had forgotten the feeling of him calling her like that.
Shin-ae looks at Yeong-gi in a bit of a shock, trying to find the signals that confirms she heard right. That it wasn’t just something only in her head.
And then she sees his beautiful green eyes, looking at her with love. He touches her to wipe her tears.
She even forgets what they were talking about. For a second, the rest of that day ran away from her mind.
Instead, all she could feel was the answer. The one she was looking for months now and didn’t know.
That’s what I feel for you. That’s why this hurts so bad.
And a part of Shin-ae knows she’s being the wrong one here by confessing this right when his world is falling apart and he’s going away.
She knows it but-
I can’t let you go without you knowing.
She kisses his lips for a second, out of impulse. A peck.
The look Yeong-gi gives her is something she’s never seen before from him. It’s so intense she’s not sure about anything anymore.
“I-” she starts, without being able to finish.
Shin-ae feels his hands on her waist. He’s the one to close the gap between them this time.
Their lips touch each other slowly at first, getting used to the sensation. It feels so good she doesn’t want it to stop.
She holds him closer by his neck. That was how it was meant to be, right?
They break for a second to get air, breathing too close to one another, not wanting to let go.
The night noises surrounds them quietly, before-
“How can I go now?” Yeong-gi asks, like a whisper, to no one really. But she gets what he means.
“Because you should,” she says. “I’ll be right here.”
They both know it’s the truth. They both know that’s it.
That’s why he doesn’t say he’ll come back. Neither does she make a promise she can’t keep.
But at least they have each other here on this rooftop.
“We always find ourselves on rooftops, don’t we?” she asks as an inside joke, after a moment of their silence. But it comes out easily. She doesn’t think she ever felt like this before: so desolated, yet so complete at the same time.
This feels right.
For now, that’s what she holds to. To him, in this moment right now.
She’ll think about the heartbreak tomorrow, once it comes… again.