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Light wasn't sure when he could pinpoint the exact moment he knew he was in love with L, but by the time he was screaming in the helicopter and holding the Death Note once again he was certain of it.
His first thoughts had not been 'I've won' no, they had been, 'What have I done?!'
Love had changed everything. He'd been empty before and seen nothing but rot and emptiness in the world around him. That all changed one night in December when the hearing had packed up in HQ.
He and L had huddled together in bed (for warmth, as they told themselves at first) and for the first time Light felt his pulse race and his breath catch. Holding L, and being held in return, was interesting. More than that, it was simply everything he never knew he needed.
He had breathed in L's sweet cherry scent and kissed him. After a moment of hesitation L had kissed him back. It didn't feel fake like all the times Light had kissed girls in college. As he ran his hands through that wild hair he was moved to tears by the realness of it all. They kissed, looked into one another's eyes and in the darkness whispered to one another.
L, I know you think I was Kira. If I was… I don't want to be him again. Promise me you will stop that from happening?
I will try, Light-Kun, but I think it will come down to a decision on your part as well…
After that cold night filled with confusion, trepidation and hesitant kisses, Light felt somewhat reborn. He could love. He did love, and investigating Yotsuba by L's side only made him fall deeper.
Which was why regaining his memories hurt so badly.
Kira was cold hearted, manipulative and callous. He would destroy L and laugh over his grave, whereas Light would do anything to protect the precious, awkward person who had thawed his heart.
L had taught him he was capable of love and had shown him there was some hope in the world, no matter how rotten it may be. The loneliness of being the smartest kid in the room and of having no one who understood him vanished when he was with L. The Detective was his equal. Killing him would mean killing a part of himself too.
"What is it, Light-Kun?" L asked softly, large, charcoal-gray eyes fixed on Light's face as his scream died down.
"It's… " Light swallowed thickly, the compulsion to use the Death Note crawling over his skin like thousands of tiny insects and making him shudder. "The monster" Light finally replied, "It's hideous!"
"Yes, it is" L frowned at Light, sensing there was more to Light's reaction than met the eye. "We have proof that Higuchi is Kira. We must keep this safe" L held out one long-fingered hand for the Death Note. "Please give me the Death Note, Light"
"R-right" Light handed over the Death Note and felt a tug deep inside him. "I renounce this hideous thing. I don't want to see it" Light took a deep breath, knowing L could read between the lines.
L knew what he was doing. "I might be its owner now, I don't know" Light added weakly, eyes fixed on that beloved, pale face. "I just… I wasn't expecting this"
L cocked an eyebrow. 'We both know that isn't true. What are you doing, Light?'
"L"
L's eyes widened as Light suddenly grabbed him and pulled him towards him.
"Yes, Light?"
"Next year I want us to work together. Solve cases together and just… be together. Do you think that's possible?"
L examined earnest amber eyes for any trace of a lie. He found the usual veiled secrets but he could see no outright deception.
'Something has changed in you, Light. You were the first Kira. It all makes sense now. You planned for me to investigate Yotsuba to regain this Death Note and yet you are giving it up…'
L was transfixed as Light's eyes, his whole being seemed to change. His face grew soft and L knew in that instant Light's memory had been erased, just like before.
He turned away from Light and spoke into his headpiece. "Bring Higuchi in. I have possession of the notebook"
"The Notebook?" Light frowned, "Let me see"
"No" L handed it to Watari and with a swift nod the old man placed it in his briefcase. "It needs to be examined, Light-Kun and the more people who handle it the more it is contaminated. You said you wanted to start next year working alongside me to solve cases, yes?"
Light nodded his head, a small smile curling his lip as if he somehow knew L had saved him from himself.
"Then please listen to me" L hesitated before reaching for Light's hand and gently squeezing it. "Trust me"
Light's smile was radiant in its innocence as he squeezed L's hand back I'm return. "I do trust you, L. I love you"
L ignored Watari's pointed look and returned his gaze to where the white creature was standing, it's single amber eye fixed on him.
"I love you too, Light. And I am going to keep you safe…"
It was another cold night. L and Light lay side by side, neither talking but finding comfort in their entwined hands.
"Watari is handling the interrogation of the creature Rem and Higuchi" L spoke to the darkness, his eyes wide and searching in the gloom. "There appears to be another notebook hidden away…"
Light glanced at L, his heart thudding in his chest. That sounded like something he would do if he had been Kira.
'If I'd been Kira...' Light felt distinctly uneasy at the thought. His memories were hazy but something deep inside whispered the truth. He had been Kira and L knew it. L was trying to save him.
"Light. I once told you that the best liars often tell the truth. I still believe you were the first Kira. And I believe you, whilst acting as Kira, orchestrated the Yotsuba investigation. I… I didn't plan to fall in love with you, and as such I am compromised. You once asked me to keep you safe from becoming Kira and I intend to do my best. I believe the only way I can do that is to ask you to leave Japan entirely. Come with me to my home in Britain. Work with me there"
Light felt shell-shocked and took a few moments to work through what L had just said. He'd only ever known Japan so the thought of leaving his home, his family…
"It's a big ask, but I know it is the only chance we have" L added sadly, "Please consider it"
"I will" Light inched closer and wrapped his arms around L, "Can we talk more about it tomorrow?"
"Yes" L closed his eyes and soaked up the feeling of Light's hands softly stroking along his arm. The choice he had given him wasn't easy but he had to have faith Light would make the right decision. He held his silence until Light's soft snores reached his ears.
'Tomorrow I will speak to Rem myself and go over the rules in the Death Note because even though Light has rejected it I still fear his life is at risk'
Unsurprisingly, L didn't get much sleep that night. When he did manage to doze off around four am it was to a dream of Light sneering down at him as he died…
L stared up at the gaunt, white being and willed himself to hold his nerve.
He'd read through the Death Note and knew enough to be intimidated by the creature looming over him. As a Shinigami she was capable of ending his life with a single look and a stroke of a pen.
"Rem-San. I would like to discuss something with you" L began levelly, "About Misa Amane and Light Yagami"
At the mention of Misa L could detect a faint pulse of panic in the Shinigami. There were feelings there, perhaps ones he could exploit if he was careful.
"I am aware Light Yagami was the first Kira and Misa Amane the second. However, we have the opportunity to rule a line under what has happened. Higuchi is in custody and neither Light nor Misa have their memories. I propose we work together to protect the ones we love"
Rem tried and failed to hide her astonishment. She knew the Detective was a remarkably clever human but she hadn't expected him to be able to discern her feelings for Misa.
"What are you suggesting, Lawliet?" Rem asked softly, mindful of the others in the room.
"I would like you to assist Watari in locating the other Death Note and bring it to me. I will give both Notebooks back to you and the other Shinigami. Higuchi will be prosecuted as Kira and Light and Misa will remain innocent as they are now. The only other alternative is death and I think there has been enough of that"
Rem considered the Detective's words and wondered how Ryuk would feel about this plan. She found it acceptable because it kept Misa safe but Ryuk might not.
His only concern was his entertainment and without Light that would be sorely lacking. However, since Light had given up the Death Note and Lawliet intended to do the same, their lives would not be his to take.
"I will speak to the other Shinigami and bring the other notebook back to you if you promise Misa Amane will not be prosecuted"
L bowed his head, his heart beating quickly. Rem was agreeing with him!
"I swear. If I am lying you will write my name down anyway, won't you, Shinigami-San?"
"I would not hesitate, even if it were to lead to my own demise"
L let out a soft sigh and pondered on love.
It was clearly a vastly powerful emotion if it could make him throw a case and wish to protect a murderer, and a Shinigami to sacrifice their own life…
One year later
Fireworks exploded in the sky above them and bells rang triumphantly to herald in the new year.
L and Light stood together under a starry English sky, and L curled his fingers around Light's wrist (the wrist adorned with a watch L had bought Light after L had destroyed his old one) as if to remind himself that this was real.
Light chose life. He chose him.
"Happy new year, L" Light's smooth voice murmured close to his ear. L closed his eyes at the delicious press of lips against his cheek. "I love you"
"Happy new year, Light" L whispered back, "I love you too"
Light wrapped an arm around L's waist and drew him close. "Can you remember last year when we captured Higuchi and you asked me to come here with you?"
'How could I ever forget that?' L kept his thoughts to himself and simply nodded his head.
"That was the start of my life. Thank you for having faith in me…" a shadow crossed Light's eyes and L knew he wanted to say something else.
Perhaps a 'thank you for saving me from myself' that Light's pride would prevent him from saying. Not that it mattered. Light had made the right choice and that was reason enough to be thankful.
Perhaps they had once been destined to die young and to hunt each other down like a cat and mouse. Kira and L were sworn enemies but love had intervened.
"Thank you for making the right choice" L tucked against Light and breathed in the scent of amber and sandalwood. 'My Light'
"Happy new year!" A happy student cried as she waved at the couple on the balcony.
L and Light shared a small smile. It would be a happy new year for them.
It would be a happy new life too…