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You'll be in my heart

Chapter 19: do you care

Summary:

tw- more suicidal thoughts!!! with some eating disorder sprinkled in

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

--Reigen pov---

 

My apartment is dark. How fitting. I flick on the lights. It’s still dark, either the lightbulbs are dead or they shut off my power. I thought I had paid all the bills. I even skipped meals to make sure I had enough. I check my fridge. The light doesn’t even turn on. And it’s no colder than my apartment. They shut off my power. Luckily though, I didn’t have much food in the fridge to begin with. My stomach growls at the lack of food. As if it isn’t used to this by now. It should know that the only dinner it’s gonna get is a good night's rest.

 

But sleep never comes. Serizawa keeps flashing in my mind.

 

He had hated me all that time. But had kept it so well hidden. To the point where I even thought he could’ve loved me. But that’s impossible. I can’t be loved.

 

I wonder how Mob is. She hasn’t been around lately. It had occurred to me a few days ago that she had suddenly stopped coming around. She hasn’t answered any texts either. But I know she’s okay. I’ve seen her out and about with friends. I suppose she’s just moved on from me. Left me behind in an old chapter of her life. Good for her, really, I’m happy for her. I do still miss her. I’m all alone now. I thought I atleast still had Serizawa with me, that he would stay. But now there’s no one. I hope she’s happy at least. I hope she remembers me fondly. Although, knowing how Serizawa had felt about me the whole time. I wouldn’t be surprised if she hated me too.

 

After all, didn’t I manipulate and use her for years. Honestly this is something she should’ve done a long time ago. I was just awful to her. I might’ve been the worst thing that ever happened to her. If we had never met, I’m sure nothing would change in her life, she’d just be overall happier, not having been used by a lowlife nobody. And to think that I wished I was her father, when she wanted nothing more than to be rid of me. Maybe I should’ve done it myself. Rid the world of me. I wouldn’t get in anyone's way, I wouldn’t take up space better used by other people. It’d be better if I wasn’t here.

 

When did my pillow get wet.

 

This is stupid. I wish I could just sleep. It’s hard to ignore my stomach grumbling, but even if I did feel like I deserved to eat, I can’t afford it. I spent most of my money paying bills, all for naught apparently. Since they shut off my power anyway.

 

I sigh.

 

I wish I had someone.

 

I wish someone cared.

Notes:

rip this is more a fic about reigens issues than it is about him and mob being adorable father and daughter, it'll get back to that........eventually.

I'm in a bit of a rut with this fic, hard to think of how to conclude this "arc", so sorry for slow updates, thanks for reading