Chapter Text
PREAMBLE: Four years pass after the events of The Killers of My Father. Fraser partners with Ray Vecchio for the initial two years until, while Fraser is on leave in the far north, Vecchio is recruited by the FBI for a prolonged undercover job as Armando Langoustini, alias "The Bookman", a Vegas-based mobster. Detective Ray Kowalski replaces him at the 27th precinct, pretending to be Ray Vecchio to protect Vecchio's cover. For the next two years Fraser, still in his liaison role with the Canadian consulate, partners with Ray Kowalski, helped and often hindered by detectives Huey and Dewey at the precinct. Inspector Margaret Thatcher replaces Inspector Moffet, and Fraser has a fellow constable at the consulate, Renfield Turnbull. The location of Holloway Muldoon, notorious arms smuggler and (unbeknownst to Fraser) the killer of his mother, remains unknown.
Until now.
ACT 1 SCENE 1
[FRASER AND HIS FATHER'S GHOST ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A SNOW-EDGED, FROZEN LAKE SITTING ON STUMPS, ICE FISHING THROUGH A HOLE WITH DIEFENBAKER SNIFFING ABOUT NEARBY. FRASER SMILES AROUND AT THE WINTRY SCENE.]
FRASER: Ah, for that winter's day when first the frost
Rimes the upturned canoe at the lake's edge.
BOB FRASER: [BEAMING] The cold north wind carries scent of coming snow.
FRASER: On horseback, sun gleams slanting from the east!
[DIEF WHINES, REMEMBERING THE NORTH.]
BOB FRASER: I miss it, son, I miss it terribly.
FRASER: Me, too. [EYEING HIS FATHER] Are you all right?
BOB FRASER: Son, I don't know.
Life's passing strange, but death, aye there's the rub.
And there's no roadmap to it, everything
Comes under scrutiny.
FRASER: What brought this on?
BOB FRASER: God knows. There's something stirring in the air.
FRASER: [FROWNING] I've counted myself happy even in this shell
Of life, no more the king of infinite space,
But lately, I've had such odd dreams.
BOB FRASER: Your mother? [FRASER NODS.]
I'm dead so I don't dream, and I'm not clear
What this strange feeling is. It's similar to
That time when Walter Singlefoot laced my brew
With kininickinick bark and then transformed
Into a twelve foot reptile… I don't know,
It feels as though your mother's very close.
[HE STANDS AND WALKS A LITTLE WAY, LOOKING AROUND.]
KOWALSKI: [SITTING ON THE VACATED STUMP]
Fraser, I hope you're talkin' to a fish.
FRASER: Ah, welcome, Ray. Perhaps you'd like a line?
KOWALSKI: Catch any?
FRASER: No, but ice fishing does take time.
KOWALSKI: Gonna need more than patience – no fish here.
FRASER: You can't be sure of that, Ray.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, I can.
This here's the Chicago city reservoir.
No fish poop, gotta keep the water pure.
FRASER: [LOOKING CAST DOWN] I see.
KOWALSKI: You okay?
FRASER: Well… I'm homesick, Ray.
I just – wait, hang on! [STANDS, WORKING THE REEL.]
KOWALSKI: [SEEING THE TENSION ON THE LINE] Watch it, watch your drag!
FRASER: It's something big! [HE STRAINS TO REEL IT IN.]
KOWALSKI: Okay, okay, I see it!
Lemme help, Fraser. Easy…
[TOGETHER, THEY PULL A DEAD BODY UP THROUGH THE HOLE IN THE ICE.]
BOB FRASER: Nice catch, son.
[DIEF BARKS EXCITEDLY.]
ACT 1 SCENE 2
[MORGUE FOR THE 27TH PRECINCT. THE DEAD MAN IS BEING AUTOPSIED BY MORT, THE PATHOLOGIST.]
MORT: Fish and death, they were always linked for me.
KOWALSKI: [NODS] You catch the fish, it dies, you eat the fish.
MORT: As a boy, you know, I was in a camp.
The man who ran it used to dynamite
The pond. He caught a lot of fish that way.
KOWALSKI: A summer camp?
MORT: No, Auschwitz. [HE SHOWS THE NUMBER TATTOOED ON HIS ARM. THERE'S AN AWKWARD SILENCE, THEN MORT CHANGES THE SUBJECT.] Okay, so,
About this guy. What else is there to know?
FRASER: He was called Williams. Weapons priors, and he
Was known to associate with bad company.
MORT: For sure. [HOLDS UP A BULLET IN FORCEPS] An old Czech rifle, and see here
The bullet's poisoned, from Bulgaria.
KOWALSKI: Probably a deal gone sour, they took him out.
FRASER: Agreed, Ray. Let's see what it's all about.
[THEY GO TO LEAVE, BUT AT THE DOOR RAY TURNS BACK.]
KOWALSKI: Hey, Mort, I'm sorry. Like, I didn't mean...
MORT: Ray, it's okay. I find both life and death
Interesting. But fishing? It's inane.
ACT 1 SCENE 3
[A DARK ALLEY. RAY AND FRASER HAVE COME HERE FOLLOWING A LEAD. THEY FIND A PARKED CAR AND A DEAD MAN FALLS OUT WHEN RAY OPENS THE DOOR.]
KOWALSKI: Whoa, it's a stiff.
[THERE'S A NOISE FROM FURTHER DOWN THE ALLEY.]
Chicago PD! Halt!
[A MAN LOADING A GRENADE LAUNCHER CAN JUST BE SEEN. RAY AND FRASER THROW THEMSELVES BEHIND A DUMPSTER WHICH EXPLODES IN FLAME. THE MAN THEN TURNS, FIRES ANOTHER GRENADE AT A WALL BLOCKING THE FAR END OF THE ALLEY, AND DRIVES OFF THROUGH THE RUBBLE. WHEN THE FLAMES HAVE SUBSIDED RAY AND FRASER EMERGE.]
FRASER AND HIS FATHER, IN TANDEM: Muldoon!
KOWALSKI: Who?
FRASER: He died thirty years ago.
I knew him as a boy – my father's friend.
A famous trapper and a gifted guide.
He carried a badly injured Hungarian
Lepidopterist through storms, 200 miles.
He was a legend, but beneath that front
It transpired he was evil, and had been
Selling endangered species: puma pelt,
Grizzly bear bladder, even fur from wolves!
[DIEF WHINES UNHAPPILY]
Yes, Dief, I know. My father found him out,
Chased him across the north for eighteen months.
BOB FRASER: He broke my trust. That made it personal.
KOWALSKI: Eighteen months? Jeez.
FRASER: He'd used my father's name
To shield him – something Dad couldn't forgive.
Dad chased him into Six Mile Canyon where
Muldoon fell to his death.
KOWALSKI: I don't think so!
Not if he's right here tryin' to fry us both!
FRASER: Apparently he survived.
KOWALSKI: Look, all I know,
Is we got two stiffs and this undead scum
Shootin' the city up with big fuckin' guns!
FRASER: Yes, Ray, well summarized, to the point and clear.
BOB FRASER: That's just the iceberg's tip, Benton, I fear.
ACT 1 SCENE 4
[27TH PRECINCT, A DISCUSSION OF EVIDENCE GATHERED FROM THE BODIES.]
FRANNIE: Your two dead guys, they both got priors for sure.
Receiving stolen goods, for both of 'em.
KOWALSKI: So they were fences?
WELSH: Wow, that's breathtaking,
Your ace deductive powers make my head spin.
[KOWALSKI SNORTS.]
FRASER: [TAPPING A DIARY WITH ALPHANUMERIC APPOINTMENT ENTRIES]
This is a code I'm sure, perhaps the meets?
We know the last's location, so if we
Slot letters in for numbers, then we see…
WELSH: Rucking? No. Trucking.
FRASER: And, using that T,
We then get… Olcort Trucking.
FRANNIE: I know that.
It's an abandoned yard down Wacker Drive.
KOWALSKI: So that must be the next meet? Stakeout time.
[FRASER AND RAY ARE CROUCHED BEHIND RUBBISH IN THE DERELICT TRUCKING YARD.]
KOWALSKI: Rats!
FRASER: Something wrong, Ray?
RAY: [POINTING AT A LARGE RAT SCURRYING IN FRONT OF THEM.]
No, like, actual rats!
FRASER: Ah yes. Dief vehemently dislikes rodents, too.
[DIEF, EYEING A RAT, LIFTS HIS LIP IN A SNARL.
ACROSS THE YARD, THERE'S MOVEMENT.]
KOWALSKI: Showtime. [SHOUTING] Put down your guns!
FBI AGENT: You put down yours!
KOWALSKI: Step out where we can see!
SECOND FBI AGENT: Show us ID!
[BACK AT THE 27TH PRECINCT.]
FBI AGENT: You got no jurisdiction, he's our snitch.
WELSH: It's homicide – it's very much our case.
SECOND FBI AGENT: We don't need flatfoot cops barging on in.
KOWALSKI: This from the guys that brought us Waco, please!
Your snitch is cold meat now, in the deep freeze.
FRASER: Gentlemen, could we possibly discuss
The arms dealer both deceased men went to meet?
FBI AGENT: It's not your case, so keep your noses clear.
WELSH: Punks with grenades here makes it my affair!
SECOND FBI AGENT: Back off! [TO KOWALSKI] And Waco was an act of God!
[THE FBI AGENTS STOMP OUT.]
WELSH: [HIGHLY ANNOYED]
Officially you're off the goddamn case.
But if you want a hobby, well, you know…
KOWALSKI: [CLAPS FRASER ON THE BACK]
Everyone needs a hobby, don't they, Frase!
ACT 1 SCENE 5
[CANADIAN CONSULATE LATER THAT DAY. FRASER, KOWALSKI AND TURNBULL ARE LEANING OVER FRASER'S DESK, WHERE BOB FRASER'S DIARIES ARE SPREAD OUT. DIEF IS CHECKING OUT TURNBULL'S DESK DRAWERS.]
FRASER: My father detailed everything he did,
Cross-referenced both by criminal and by crime.
TURNBULL: The filing's somewhat crude–
BOB FRASER: The man's a fool!
TURNBULL: –but brilliant in its way.
BOB FRASER: He's very smart!
TURNBULL: To find Muldoon, this page must be the key...
[BEHIND HIM, DIEF FINDS A SANDWICH IN TURNBULL's DESK AND STEALS IT.]
FRASER: Hmmm, there are no entries here for three weeks.
KOWALSKI: Was he sick?
FRASER: No… dates from my mother's death.
TURNBULL: [STILL FOCUSED ON THE JOURNALS] That reference then leads to this entry here.
[FRASER TAKES THE JOURNAL FROM HIM AND READS THE ENTRY, WHICH BOB FRASER RECITES FROM MEMORY.]
BOB FRASER: Had I the means, I would have torn the land,
Toppled whole mountains and made rivers run
Back in their courses, all to catch Muldoon.
He left few clues, then suddenly he'd turn up
In the least likely place, where he'd just been.
KOWALSKI: Anything yet?
FRASER: He likes to double back.
[A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER. RAY AND FRASER HAVE BEEN STAKING OUT THE ALLEY WHERE MULDOON USED THE GRENADE LAUNCHER.]
KOWALSKI: You think he doubles back? Don't reckon so.
We've froze our asses off the last two days
And I am doneski, hear? My goddamn nose
Is running like a horse winnin' a race!
[A CAR DRIVES IN AND RAY DUCKS BACK INTO COVER.]
KOWALSKI: Chicago PD, put your hands up! Freeze!
[MULDOON PULLS OUT A FLAMETHROWER AND TORCHES NEARBY BUILDINGS. KOWALSKI FIRES BACK AND MULDOON DROPS THE METAL CASE HE WAS HOLDING AND ESCAPES IN THE CAR. FRASER OPENS THE CASE TO FIND SEVERAL CANISTERS BEDDED IN FOAM, WITH WRITING ON THEM.]
KOWALSKI: What are those?
FRASER: Well, the script's Cyrillic, Ray.
My Russian's rusty, but I think it says
"Nerve gas". Oh dear, this one has a small hole.
[PUTS HIS THUMB OVER THE LEAK.]
Could I ask for the gum you're chewing, please?
[FRASER FIXES THE CYLINDER WITH THE CHEWING GUM AND SOME STRING.]
KOWALSKI: Fraser, I'm aggggh! [FLAILING AND SLUMPING AGAINST A WALL]
FRASER: Ray, is there something wrong?
KOWALSKI: The gas, it got me!
FRASER: No, for if it had
You'd vomit [RAY RETCHES], gasp for breath [RAY HYPERVENTILATES], and suffer cramps [RAY CLUTCHES HIS STOMACH].
But mostly, you'd be comatose and dead.
KOWALSKI: [GETTING UP SHEEPISHLY] I ain't been gassed, I just got scared. I'm fine.
FRASER: That's a relief, but look, a footprint tread,
And from it, proof the owner of the boot
Once worked at Hotel California.
KOWALSKI: Fraser, I know that you can track a rat
Across the whole damn Arctic, but there's no
Way to tell what hotel some guy worked at
From a footprint in mud! Nopity nope.
[FRASER SHINES A FLASHLIGHT ON THE PRINT, WHICH HAS A CLEAR "HOTEL CALIFORNIA" LOGO ON THE SOLE.]
KOWALSKI: I'm shuttin' up. Goddamnit, I should know!
ACT 1 SCENE 6
[CANADA, THE FAR NORTH OF THE NORTHWEST TERROTORIES. BUCK FROBISHER IS ON THE PHONE IN A CABIN, HOLDING UP A FAMILIAR METAL CANISTER. BEHIND HIM IN THE CRAMPED SPACE ARE HIS MOUNTIE TROOP.]
BUCK FROBISHER: Oh yes, it's gas all right, powerful stuff.
[HE FARTS LOUDLY AND HIS MEN STAGGER AT THE SMELL.]
It could kill thousands, maybe even more!
TURNBULL: [AT THE CHICAGO CONSULATE WITH INSPECTOR THATCHER LISTENING IN]
Gas, sir? Sorry, did you say you have gas?
BUCK FROBISHER: Indeed. Russian. It poses a serious threat
To Chicago city, and North America.
[HE FARTS AGAIN. THE MOUNTIES REEL AND ONE OF THE YOUNGER ONES FAINTS.]
TURNBULL: Chicago, sir?
BUCK FROBISHER: This stuff is lethal, son!
TURNBULL: Have you consulted a physician, sir?
BUCK FROBISHER: Dumb as a woodpile. Give the phone to your
Senior officer!
THATCHER: [GLARING AT TURNBULL AND SNATCHING THE PHONE]
Inspector Thatcher here.
BUCK FROBISHER: Diethyl-amino-ethoxy-cyano-phosphine.
THATCHER: Oh god!
BUCK FROBISHER: One milligram could kill a man.
THATCHER: A woman, too!
BUCK FROBISHER: About women, I've no clue.
There's a dark mystery here – it bears the mark
Of that scum Holloway Muldoon, but he's
Been dead these thirty years, so that can't be.
THATCHER: He's not dead, and what's more, he's surfaced here.
BUCK FROBISHER: I see, and how did Constable Fraser take that news?
THATCHER: With all his usual grit and keenness. Why?
BUCK FROBISHER: Ah, then he doesn't know. I've an impulse
To travel south to catch Muldoon myself.
[BEHIND, THE MOUNTIES STIFLE A CHEER.]
But, no, my men are green, so I'll stay here.
[HE FARTS AGAIN. SEVERAL MORE MEN COLLAPSE AND THE CABIN DOOR BLOWS OUT.]
ACT 1 SCENE 7
[CHICAGO, THE HOTEL CALIFORNIA. RAY AND FRASER APPREHENDED THE OWNER OF THE BOOTS, BIG TOE BLAKE, WHO ADMITTED HE WAS HIRED TO DRIVE AROUND AN OUT-OF-TOWN ARMS DEALER. BIG TOE CONFIRMED THE DEALER WAS STAYING AT THE HOTEL. RAY AND FRASER ARE NOW KNOCKING ON THE DOOR OF ROOM 2409.]
[RAY VECCHIO, IN AN EXPENSIVE SUIT, MUSTACHED, IN DISGUISE AS ARMANDO LANGOUSTINI, OPENS THE DOOR. HE STARES AT FRASER, STUNNED.]
FRASER: [DELIGHTED] Ray Vecchio!
[VECCHIO IS APPALLED. BEHIND HIM, HOLLOWAY MULDOON APPEARS, LOOKING SUSPICIOUS.]
MULDOON: Who's this Ray Vecchio?
[TURNING ANGRILY TO VECCHIO]
Aren't you Armando Langoustini, from
Vegas, the Iguana family, south-west branch?
VECCHIO: I'm Langoustini, this guy's out to lunch!
FRASER: Oh dear, perhaps I should explain why I–
VECCHIO: Perhaps you should shut up!
MULDOON: No, he should talk.
[HE PULLS A GUN AND FORCES THEM INSIDE. THERE ARE THREE IGUANA MAFIOSI ALSO IN THE ROOM, WHO FRISK RAY AND FRASER AND TAKE RAY KOWALSKI'S GUN, THEN MAKE THEM SIT ON A SOFA.]
MULDOON: [FROWNING AT FRASER] I know you, but where from?
FRASER: Ah, well. I first
Came to Chicago following the trail
Of the killers of my father–
KOWALSKI: [MUTTERING] Not now, Frase.
VECCHIO: Hey, mouthy guy. So who the hell are you?
KOWALSKI: Me?
VECCHIO: Yeah, your name.
KOWALSKI: [THINKING FURIOUSLY] My name's… [HE HANDS OVER HIS DETECTIVE ID] …Ray Vecchio.
MULDOON: [SNATCHING THE ID AND READING IT]
Detective Vecchio, CPD, what's more!
[TURNING ANGRILY ON THE REAL RAY VECCHIO]
You brought cops to a meet?
VECCHIO: They followed you!
MULDOON: Hey, it's your room! And I've seen him before [POINTS AT FRASER]. This set-up smells worse than a wolverine.
VECCHIO: [WAVES GUN AT FRASER AND RAY KOWALSKI]
Yo! Get up, dead guy! Bathroom! You, too! Move!
[LOOKING APPREHENSIVE, FRASER AND RAY ARE USHERED INTO THE BATHROOM BY VECCHIO, WHO CLOSES THE DOOR BEHIND HIM. TWO SHOTS ARE FIRED, AND WE HEAR TWO HEAVY THUMPS LIKE BODIES HITTING THE FLOOR. VECCHIO EMERGES.]
VECCHIO: Wanna play hardball with the Iguanas, hey,
You better have hard balls! [TO MULDOON] Well, you still in?
MULDOON: I'm always in the game. So, okay then.
Back-up location, 9 pm, tonight. [MULDOON LEAVES.]
ONE OF THE IGUANA GOONS: [POINTING TO VECCHIO'S FACE.]
Hey, boss, you got a little blood, just there.
VECCHIO: [MOVING TO AN ORNAMENTAL WALL MIRROR TO DAB AT HIS FACE.] Yeah, yeah. You three, go clean the bodies up.
[THE GOONS GO INTO THE BATHROOM, FROM WHICH MUFFLED THUDS AND BANGS EMERGE AS FRASER AND RAY KNOCK THEM UNCONSCIOUS AND TIE THEM UP. DURING THIS, VECCHIO LOOKS AT HIMSELF IN THE MIRROR AND PEELS OFF HIS FALSE MUSTACHE.]
VECCHIO: So long, Armando Langoustini, bye.
[FRASER AND RAY EMERGE FROM THE BATHROOM, DUSTING OFF THEIR HANDS.]
VECCHIO: [EYEING FRASER]
I been in Vegas undercover a year.
Bodyguards, limos, drivers, the whole shtick.
In classy restaurants they all bow an' scrape
And at home, in my giant palatial house
My butler, Nero, brings me buttermilk.
And all this luxury you just erase
With two small words.
FRASER: [SMILING] It's good to see you, Ray.
VECCHIO: [GRINNING] Yeah, Bennie it's real good to see you, too!
KOWALSKI: [MUTTERING JEALOUSLY] "Bennie"? That's cute!
VECCHIO: You could've gotten us killed!
FRASER: [SHRUGS] Ray, I was pleased to see you. My mistake.
VECCHIO: [TO KOWALSKI] So. I guess you're meant to be me, that right?
KOWALSKI: An' you're a low life, huh? King of the dicks.
VECCHIO: Less lip from you, especially when you look
Like a street corner punk.
KOWALSKI: My outfit's fine!
VECCHIO: For a bag lady! I always dressed slick.
KOWALSKI: You were a style pig, yeah, you got that right.
FRASER: Pardon me, Rays, but what are we to do
With the three tied-up criminals in the bath?
VECCHIO: I'll call the Feds. [USES HIS MOBILE PHONE] Three-seventeen here. Send
A clean-up crew to twenty-four-oh-nine. [CLOSES PHONE]
Okay, they won't be long. It'll take way
Longer to get my rep back.
KOWALSKI: Back like how?
VECCHIO: [INDICATES THE BATHROOM]
Those goons'll get one call each, and from then
My cover's blown. So long, Armando, ciao.
I'll get my old life back, be Vecchio.
KOWALSKI: But that's my life!
VECCHIO: Tough. [TO FRASER] Why're you grinning, Ben?
FRASER: [SMILING, CLAPPING THEM BOTH ON THE SHOULDER]
I knew you two would hit it off, be friends!
[KOWALSKI AND VECCHIO GLARE AT EACH OTHER.]
ACT 1 SCENE 8
[LIEUTENANT WELSH'S OFFICE, 27TH PRECINCT, A MEETING WITH WELSH, FRANNIE, VECCHIO, FRASER, KOWALSKI, HUEY, AND DEWEY.]
VECCHIO: Muldoon's got weapons and a buyer, see?
But then he needs a broker, go-between.
ATF put in agents, he killed them both,
So then the Feds use me, to broker it
Via the mob. That was till Fraser–
HUEY: Blew it.
[DEWEY BLOWS A RASPBERRY. FRASER LOOKS PAINED.]
WELSH: What's with this deal?
VECCHIO: The nerve gas first, but I
Don't know the rest. It's big, scary as hell.
No idea who the buyer is, as well.
WELSH: Oh, that's just great. Okay, so what comes next?
VECCHIO: I can still do the meet. Those goons won't talk
Before tonight, so we got until nine.
WELSH: [CLAPPING HIS HANDS TOGETHER, LOOKING DETERMINED.]
Huey and Dewey, you suss out the site
Set for the meet. Get plans, lay of the land.
Francesca, every detail on Muldoon.
Fraser, the same, but from the consulate's end.
[THEY ALL BUSTLE OFF. OUT IN THE BULLPEN, FRANNIE GRABS FRASER.]
FRANNIE: Hey, so your boss…
FRASER: Inspector Thatcher, yes?
FRANNIE: Yeah. So she told me that you're going home.
When were you gonna tell me?
FRASER: [DISCONCERTED] I didn't know.
FRANNIE: Huh. Yeah, she thinks this case'll do her good,
With a promotion, back in Canada.
She plans to take you with her, like the way
Execs take PAs to a new company.
FRASER: I don't… she hasn't said. Francesca, my
Apologies. But this is news to me. [HE BEATS A HASTY RETREAT.]
[BACK IN WELSH'S OFFICE.]
WELSH: Ray–
[BOTH RAYS IN TANDEM] Yeah?
WELSH: Nope, too much. Okay, Vecchio,
You be Ray Vecchio, 'cause you were before. [VECCHIO SMIRKS.]
KOWALSKI: [A LITTLE LOST] What about me?
WELSH: Good point. Okay, you'll be
Stanley Kowalski.
VECCHIO: You what? Ain't that the–
WELSH: [WAVING THEM AWAY]
Yeah, yeah. His dad was a big Brando fan.
Now scram, get busy, you got work to do.
VECCHIO: [STILL SMIRKING, PULLING WELSH ASIDE]
Heh, later, Stanley.
KOWALSKI: [BACKING OUT OF WELSH'S OFFICE] Um, well, I'll just go–
[VECCHIO SHUTS THE DOOR ON HIM.]
ACT 1 SCENE 9
[CANADIAN CONSULATE. FRASER AND INSPECTOR THATCHER ARE IN THATCHER'S OFFICE.]
FRASER: Sir, there's a rumor that we're going home?
THATCHER: If we help capture Holloway Muldoon
And thwart his plans, then that would guarantee
A transfer. By the way, Frobisher talked
Of Muldoon and your mother?
FRASER: Don't you mean
My father? He's the one who tracked Muldoon.
THATCHER: I thought he said your mother, but he's got
Digestive problems, might have been confused.
Oh, constable, do you often think of it?
FRASER: Ah, my digestion?
THATCHER: No, of going home!
FRASER: Yes, sir.
THATCHER: The cafés! Lattes! City air!
I miss Toronto like an old affair.
FRASER: [GRIMACING] I can't say that I do. Home for me is
The north, the snowy wilderness…
THATCHER: [TAKEN ABACK] Oh, I see.
ACT 1 SCENE 10
[27TH PRECINCT, KOWALSKI'S DESK.]
VECCHIO: Jeez, Stanley, how d'you work in all this mess?
KOWALSKI: Your desk was piled up high with crap, back when!
VECCHIO: My piles of crap were organized!
KOWALSKI: Yeah, right.
Well, so's my mess!
VECCHIO: Organize it someplace else!
[KOWALSKI ANGRILY GRABS AN ARMFUL AND THROWS IT ACROSS THE ROOM.]
KOWALSKI: That organized enough?
VECCHIO: What's your damn beef?
You been a pain all day.
KOWALSKI: Well I don't like
How you waltzed in an' took over my life!
VECCHIO: Get over it already!
KOWALSKI: Fuck you, too!
[THEY SCUFFLE UNTIL FRANNIE BREAKS THEM UP.]
FRANNIE: Quit it! Kowalski, leave my brother be.
[POKES VECCHIO IN THE CHEST]
And you! You get testosterone shots down there
In Vegas? Knock it off, the both of you.
[LEFT ALONE, VECCHIO AND KOWALSKI ARE SHEEPISH.]
KOWALSKI: Yeah, look, I'm…
VECCHIO: Eh, forget about it, right?
KOWALSKI: It's just been kinda sudden, I didn't expect…
VECCHIO: Yeah, I remember. Like you died and left
A bunch of stuff undone.
KOWALSKI: How's Vegas been?
VECCHIO: Lonely. That's undercover work, but you know that.
KOWALSKI: Sure do.
VECCHIO: Still, you had Fraser here with you…
[THEY LOOK SIDELONG AT EACH OTHER AND BURST OUT LAUGHING.]
ACT 1 SCENE 11
[FRASER'S APARTMENT, CHICAGO. WITH DIEFENBAKER, HE GOES THROUGH THE CLOSET TO FIND HIS FATHER SITTING ON A TRUNK, ALL HIS THINGS PACKED AND READY TO GO.]
FRASER: Why are you, what…?
BOB FRASER: Finish your sentences, son.
A partial sentence means a scattered mind.
FRASER: You planned to leave, and not even to tell me?
What else have you not said, about Muldoon?
BOB FRASER: Someone's been telling tales.
FRASER: Well, yes they have.
Your diaries and Buck Frobisher. Just hints.
BOB FRASER: I kept some things concealed for your own good.
Muldoon was one – he was pure evil, son.
I trusted him, called him my friend, and let
Him come into our home. He ruined it all.
I was past thought when I caught up to him–
FRASER: At Six Mile Canyon. So he didn't fall?
BOB FRASER: [SHAKES HIS HEAD.]
I pushed him in. Probably why I'm still here.
FRASER: Where are you going now?
BOB FRASER: I've been a coward.
There's something I should have done years ago.
Son, for me and your mother, get Muldoon.
Don't do what I did. This time, get it right.
[DIEFENBAKER WHINES.]
BOB FRASER: [TO DIEF] Look after Benton, boy, and bring him home.
[DIEF BARKS IN AGREEMENT.]
[BOB FRASER KICKS DOWN THE FAR WALL OF THE CABIN WHICH FALLS FLAT IN THE SNOW. HE STRIDES AWAY OVER IT AND ACROSS THE SNOWY PLAIN TOWARD FOREST AND MOUNTAINS.]
[CUT TO A SNOW-FILLED CLEARING IN THE WOODS, IN A REMOTE PART OF NORTHERN CANADA. BOB IS STARING AT A WEATHERED CAIRN GRAVE. HE BRUSHES SNOW AWAY FROM AN OVAL CERAMIC PLAQUE, EXPOSING CAROLINE FRASER'S FACE.]
BOB FRASER: [TO CAROLINE, SIGHING]
I should have come here years ago, I know.
I failed you then, and since. I was afraid
Of what you'd say. Well, now I'm dead, and here
To ask forgiveness. I worry about the boy.
I should have told him. Now he'll learn the truth
About your death all by himself, I fear.
I've not done right by him these many years,
Leaving him with my parents, but I was
More than half mad. Muldoon destroyed me, too,
Even before Gerard. But now we two
Are in the same place, at least so I hope.
You could come to me, Caroline, at last,
Together we could finally get some rest.
ACT 1 SCENE 12
[A SERIES OF VIGNETTES IN THE CARS PARKED OUT BACK OF A MALL WAITING TO AMBUSH HOLLOWAY MULDOON AT THE MEET. FIRST, HUEY AND DEWEY, WITH WELSH IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT.]
DEWEY: Whaddaya call a fish that's got no eyes?
HUEY: Fssshhh!
DEWEY: Bada boom!
WELSH: The hell are you two clowns
Practicing for? To be head injured? Huh?
DEWEY: We got our comedy club, Huey and me.
It's "The One Liner", gonna be a ball.
WELSH: You what? A comedy club? God help us all!
[CUT TO CAR WITH INSPECTOR THATCHER AND RAY KOWALSKI.]
KOWALSKI: You ever think you don't know who you are?
Like, if you weren't around someone, or that
Someone wasn't with you, you wouldn't be
You, or y'know, the you you think you are?
Ever think that sorta thing?
THATCHER: [IRRITABLY] Never.
KOWALSKI: [HUNCHING INTO HIMSELF] Me neither.
[CUT TO FRASER AND RAY VECCHIO, WITH DIEF IN THE BACKSEAT, HIS NOSE BETWEEN THEM.]
VECCHIO: I kinda liked the desert, and for sure
I enjoyed havin' a butler, fancy duds,
But this is what I missed.
FRASER: [SMILING] Like old times, huh?
VECCHIO: Yeah, you remember lockin' us in that vault?
FRASER: The water rose so high, we almost drowned!
VECCHIO: [REMEMBERING, ALARMED]
Yeah, no. I take it back, about missing this.
Forget I said it!
FRASER: Understood.
VECCHIO: Showtime. [STICKS ON HIS FAKE MUSTACHE AND OPENS THE CAR DOOR.]
Wish me luck, Bennie.
FRASER: You don't need it, Ray.
[VECCHIO WAITS BY THE MALL'S LOADING DOCK. MULDOON EMERGES, FLANKED BY A LARGE NUMBER OF TOUGHS. BEFORE VECCHIO CAN ENGAGE WITH HIM, TWO CARS SCREAM TO A HALT AND SEVERAL ATF AND FBI AGENTS JUMP OUT. CHAOS ERUPTS, WITH MULDOON AND HIS MEN SHOOTING WILDLY AND GETTING INTO A STAND-OFF WITH WELSH, HUEY, DEWEY AND THE AGENTS. KOWALSKI SEES MULDOON AND SEVERAL MEN RUNNING UP SOME SERVICE STAIRS, AND CALLS FRASER TO FOLLOW. VECCHIO AND THATCHER GO TOO.]
[AT A LANDING, MULDOON KEEPS GOING UP AND HIS MEN DUCK INTO THE MALL.]
VECCHIO: Damn, they split up. We'll follow these guys here!
[DIEF DASHES AFTER THE TOUGHS AND VECCHIO AND KOWALSKI FOLLOW THEM INSIDE. FRASER AND THATCHER RUN UP THE NEXT FLIGHT OF STAIRS CHASING MULDOON.]
THATCHER: [PAUSING TO CATCH A BREATH] We don't have to go there.
FRASER: Go up the stairs?
THATCHER: No, to Toronto.
FRASER: Noted. So, shall we? [GESTURES AT THE STAIRS. THEY RUN ON.]
[INSIDE THE SERVICE CORRIDORS, KOWALSKI AND VECCHIO EXCHANGE GUNFIRE WITH THE BAD GUYS.]
VECCHIO: Your aim is crap!
KOWALSKI: I need my glasses on. [FUMBLING IN HIS COAT.]
VECCHIO: Forget it, come on, in through here, let's go!
[THEY CHASE THE TOUGHS OUT INTO AN INDOOR FAIRGROUND LEVEL AS PEOPLE SCATTER AND SCREAM. RAY LOCATES HIS GLASSES AND IMMEDIATELY TAKES ONE OF THE TOUGHS DOWN IN AN ORNAMENTAL POOL. SOON, HE AND VECCHIO, WORKING SMOOTHLY AS A TEAM, HAVE DEALT WITH SEVERAL OF MULDOON'S MEN IN THE FAIRGROUND, WITH DIEF'S HELP.]
VECCHIO: Nice shooting.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, you, too. But how the hell
Did we do this with Fraser, hat an' all?
VECCHIO: I'm a Canadian, look, no bullets, ma! [THEY SNORT WITH LAUGHTER AND SHOOT MORE BAD GUYS.]
[MULDOON HIMSELF EMERGES INTO THE FAIRGROUND NEAR A FERRIS WHEEL. HE THROWS A FATHER AND HIS SMALL SON OUT OF A GONDOLA ONTO THE SAND BELOW, AND RIDES UP AND AWAY FROM CAPTURE. FRASER AND THATCHER FOLLOW HIM BUT ARE STUCK IN THE NEXT CAR, SLOWLY ROTATING. MULDOON TRIES TO SHOOT THEM BUT HIS GUN CLICKS USELESSLY.]
FRASER: You're out of bullets, Muldoon, there's no escape!
MULDOON: I still have this, Benton! [BRANDISHES A CANISTER OF NERVE GAS.]
FRASER: You know my name?
MULDOON: It clicked. You're like your father, and what's more,
He never caught me, and no more will you!
FRASER: I won't give up!
MULDOON: [BUSILY FASHIONING A BOMB OUT OF THE NERVE GAS CANISTER AND WIRING IT TO THE GONDOLA.]
I'll kill you. That'll make
Two of your family I'll have shot. Oho!
I see your father didn't tell you. That's
Negligent parenting, that is. And you know,
Your mother was a very pretty woman.
But when I shot her dead she fell right down
Like a big sack of potatoes, on the ground.
[FRASER STANDS IN HIS CAR, SHOCKED AND SPEECHLESS.]
MULDOON: Right, you've got sixty seconds!
[HE ARMS THE BOMB AS THE RIDE NEARS A BALCONY THEN LEAPS OFF AND RUNS AWAY, FINDING ONE OF HIS REMAINING MEN.]
MULDOON: Give me that!
[HE SNATCHES THE THUG'S GUN, THEN HEADS BACK TO THE FAIRGROUND. MEANWHILE, FRASER AND THATCHER COORDINATE WHILE HANGING UPSIDE DOWN AFTER CLAMBERING INTO MULDOON'S CAR, AND DISARM THE BOMB IN THE NICK OF TIME.]
VECCHIO: Bennie, look out!
[VECCHIO HAS SEEN THAT WHILE FRASER IS STILL UPSIDE DOWN AND VULNERABLE, MULDOON HAS RUN BACK AND IS AIMING THE GUN AT HIM. VECCHIO FIRES AND DISTRACTS MULDOON, WHO SHOOTS HIM THEN ESCAPES OUT A BACK DOOR WITH HIS REMAINING MEN.]
FRASER: Ray! No!
[VECCHIO IS UNCONSCIOUS. KOWALSKI SKIDS OVER AND PUTS PRESSURE ON HIS WOUND.]
KOWALSKI: Crap, Vecchio!
Hang on, you dumbass, don't you dare check out!
[DIEF NOSES VECCHIO, AND WHINES.]
ACT 1 SCENE 13
[RAY VECCHIO'S HOSPITAL ROOM. VECCHIO APPEARS TO BE ASLEEP. FRASER STANDS BESIDE THE BED, LOOKING DOWN. BOB FRASER MATERIALIZES ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BED.]
BOB FRASER: So you found out.
FRASER: Why didn't you tell me, Dad?
BOB FRASER: I was so full of rage, and you were small.
I wanted to protect you. Later on
The longer I left it, the harder it was to tell.
I was ashamed of myself too, I think…
FRASER: For pushing him? He gunned my mother down.
I would have done the same.
BOB FRASER: I hope not, son.
I hope you never have to make that choice.
VECCHIO: Still talkin' to yourself?
FRASER: Ray, you're awake.
You saved my life again, I'm in your debt.
VECCHIO: [GRINS WEAKLY] Just like old times.
FRASER: Unfortunately, yes.
VECCHIO: It's just a flesh wound, Bennie. Ha! I been
Waiting to say that line for half my life.
Not as much fun as I'd imagined, though.
FRASER: Francesca said the bullet's still inside,
Too risky to remove. I'll get a nurse.
VECCHIO. Hey, Ben, the Mounties. They still get their man?
FRASER: Yes, certainly we try.
VECCHIO: Go get him, then.
ACT 1 SCENE 14
[IN THE HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM, FRASER CLOSES A CELLPHONE. RAY KOWALSKI IS LEANING ON THE WALL BESIDE HIM.]
FRASER: Turnbull. He says that Frobisher has grilled
Muldoon's associates and when he's down here
He uses a small airport, Trumble Field.
KOWALSKI: So, we still partners, Fraser?
FRASER: Yes indeed.
Ah, I mean, that's if you'll still have me, Ray.
KOWALSKI: 'Course I will. C'mon, we got a plane to catch.
[AT THE AIRFIELD. MULDOON IS IN THE PILOT'S SEAT OF A PLANE WITH SEVERAL OF HIS MEN ON BOARD, READYING FOR TAKE-OFF.]
MULDOON: [INTO RADIO] Whiskey tango bravo one-niner, we
Request taxiing clearance for runway three.
[THE PLANE BEGINS TO MOVE, BUT BEFORE IT PICKS UP SPEED THERE'S A CLANG FROM OUTSIDE.]
MULDOON: The hell was that?
CO-PILOT: Old plane, just metal fatigue.
[OUTSIDE, FRASER AND RAY ARE LYING ON THE WING, CLINGING TO THE FRONT EDGE. THE PLANE PICKS UP SPEED UNTIL THEY'RE AIRBORNE.]
KOWALSKI: [SHOUTING INTO THE SLIPSTREAM]
There's some drawbacks to bein' your partner, Frase!
FRASER: [SHOUTS BACK]
Such as? Do let me know, Ray, I'm all ears!
[THE PLANE RECEDES, CLIMBING HIGHER INTO THE SKY WITH RAY AND FRASER ON THE WING.]
ACT 2 SCENE 1
[27TH PRECINCT, CHICAGO. WELSH IS ADDRESSING THE ASSEMBLED OFFICERS.]
WELSH: No leaves from now, we're two officers down.
Muldoon must have them, so we need to know
Where he's gone, where he plans to do this deal.
Get out there, work your snitches, ears to the ground.
FRANNIE: Yeah, this is Fraser and Kowalski, right?
So no one gets no sleep, you're on the job
Twenty-eight hours a day, eight days a week!
Rubber hose time! Get your informants
Sweatin' between the ears!
[THE OFFICERS ALL HURRY OFF.]
WELSH: How's Vecchio doing?
FRANNIE: They moved him out of the intensive wing
But he's still got a slug inside of him.
WELSH: Hey, it's a golden bullet, he's in luck.
FRANNIE: Bullets ain't lucky, nor made outta gold.
WELSH: He can retire now, with full benefits
And pension – it's his ticket out, for sure.
FRANNIE: He's always been a cop, what would he do?
WELSH: He's a smart guy, he'll work out something new.
You know those clowns Huey and Dewey got themselves
A comedy club?
VECCHIO: [WHO HAS DISCHARGED HIMSELF EARLY AND IS PROPPED AGAINST THE WALL, LOOKING ILL.]
They what? Oh holy jeez,
They're funny as a handgun made of cheese.
ACT 2 SCENE 2
[FRASER AND RAY HAVE SOMEHOW PULLED THEMSELVES INSIDE THE CARGO BAY OF MULDOON'S PLANE.]
KOWALSKI: [DELIGHTED] Hey, Fraser, we're not dead!
[THEY TURN TO FIND MULDOON AND A POSSE OF HIS MEN ALL WITH GUNS POINTED AT THEM.]
KOWALSKI: [CAST DOWN] Nope, we are dead!
MULDOON: You're as annoying as your father was.
[TO HIS MEN] Tie them up, then just throw them out when we're
Over the ice field, that'll finish this. [HE RETURNS TO THE COCKPIT.]
KOWALSKI: Frase, what's an ice field?
FRASER: It's a field of ice.
BOB FRASER: [APPEARING BEHIND THE THUGS AS MULDOON'S MEN TIE THEIR HANDS BEHIND THEM.]
Your Yank misses the obvious, son.
FRASER: Sometimes.
KOWALSKI: Sometimes? Like, when it's cold as fuck?
CHIEF THUG: Shut up! [THE THUGS KNOCK THEM TO THE DECK, THEN LEAVE THE CARGO HOLD.]
[RAY AND FRASER HAVE MANAGED TO RIGHT THEMSELVES AND ARE LEANING AGAINST THE FUSELAGE.]
KOWALSKI: We're in a heap of trouble, ain't we, Frase?
BOB FRASER: The Yank's not doing too well. Throw him a bone.
FRASER: Yes, Ray, in serious trouble.
BOB FRASER: Benton, look.
It's clear your skills with people need some work.
Not that I can afford to talk, of course!
Out on the trail with just the dogs and Buck
Farting, there was no chance–
FRASER: Be quiet!
KOWALSKI: Huh?
FRASER: Just… we should lower our voices so Muldoon's
Men aren't alerted.
KOWALSKI: Oh, sure, Fraser. Right! [RAISES HIS EYEBROWS AND PRESSES HIS LIPS FIRMLY TOGETHER.]
[FRASER HAS NOW WORKED HIS HANDS OUT OF THE ROPES.]
KOWALSKI: [WHISPERING EXCITEDLY] Do me!
FRASER: Not yet. Your chewing gum please, Ray.
[FRASER PUTS HIS HAND BEFORE RAY'S MOUTH AND RAY ROLLS HIS EYES AND SPITS IT OUT.]
FRASER: [FIDDLING WITH A LOOSE WIRE FROM THE FUSELAGE.]
I'll use this as an earplug to wiretap
The plane's binary radio data stream.
KOWALSKI: The who what now? No, Frase, don't stick that gum
In your damn ear, you don't know where it's been!
FRASER: [SMILING FONDLY AT RAY]
It's been in your mouth, Ray, and you should know
I have no fear of that.
KOWALSKI: You're flirting? Here?
Right when the bad guys plan to kill us both?
FRASER: Carpe diem, Ray. There's no better time!
[HE LEANS OVER AND KISSES RAY ON THE MOUTH.]
KOWALSKI: [DAZED] I ain't sure I got all your meaning, Frase.
I oughta grasp it with another kiss.
FRASER: All in good time, but first, let me try this.
[HE ATTACHES THE WIRE TO THE WAD OF GUM AND PUTS IT IN HIS EAR. WE HEAR A MODEM CHATTERING AND FRASER'S EYES UNFOCUS WHILE HIS EYELID TWITCHES ALONG WITH THE DATA FLOW. AFTER A MOMENT HE REMOVES THE GUM.]
KOWALSKI: [SARCASTIC] Did your craft project work? Got any news?
FRASER: Muldoon is setting up a rendezvous.
KOWALSKI: How could a wire and chewing gum tell you that?
BOB FRASER: Newfangled nonsense. When you're out hunting
A wetted finger in the wind's the thing!
FRASER: The reasons don't need explanation, Ray,
Not at this juncture. What's important is
The meet's at seventy North, one twenty-five West.
If memory serves me right, that's Franklin Bay.
KOWALSKI: No, what's important is that we'll soon be
Chucked out a plane, onto a damn ice field!
FRASER: No need to be afraid, Ray, as I'm sure
Inspector Thatcher's mobilizing her
Many resources, to come to our aid.
ACT 2 SCENE 3
[CANADIAN CONSULATE, CHICAGO.]
THATCHER: [STERNLY] I won't brook any argument on this.
You're coming, Turnbull. Fraser needs our help!
TURNBULL: But sir, I've never been higher than ten
Stories above the ground! I'll take a train.
THATCHER: You will do no such thing. And anyway
There are no trains in the Arctic, metal wheels
Freeze to the icy tracks. We've tickets for
The world's best airline.
TURNBULL: Qantas?
THATCHER: Treasonous fool!
TURNBULL: [SULLENLY] It never crashed.
THATCHER: Unpatriotic pap!
Be quiet and go get Diefenbaker's crate.
TURNBULL: But he needs quarantine–
THATCHER: [IMPATIENT] He's labeled freight.
This is a crisis! Move, or we'll be late!
ACT 2 SCENE 4
[27TH PRECINCT, CHICAGO. RAY VECCHIO, HUEY, AND DEWEY HAVE AN INFORMANT IN AN INTERVIEW ROOM.]
VECCHIO: You know Armando Langoustini, right?
INFORMANT: The Bookman? Yeah, of course. My line of work
That's someone you look up to. I heard talk
He'd kill you for a parking spot, y'know?
VECCHIO: What would you say if some punk made him mad?
INFORMANT: [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
I'd say that guy was dumb as rocks, an' dead!
[VECCHIO TAKES OUT A DRIVER'S LICENCE SHOWING HE'S LANGOUSTINI AND SLAPS IT ON THE TABLE. THE INFORMANT LOOKS UP AT HIM IN DREAD.]
INFORMANT: That's you? Y-you're the Bookman? Holy crap!
Okay, okay, I'll talk!
VECCHIO: [WITH A COLD STARE] Muldoon's buyer's name.
INFORMANT: I'm bad with names. [VECCHIO LOOKS MENACING] Wait, wait, he had a code,
One seven, F-O-C, seventy-six.
[A LITTLE LATER, AT VECCHIO'S DESK, 27TH PRECINCT.]
WELSH: It's not a date or time, airline or train,
We're getting nowhere fast, let's start again.
FRANNIE: Move 'em around, like for a telegram?
WELSH: An anagram, you mean, but it's not words.
VECCHIO: Hang on, take out the FOC, you get–
HUEY: One seven seven six? Like a hotel room?
VECCHIO: No, look, it's seventeen seventy-six, date of
The War of Independence. FOC
Is "Fathers of the Confederation". Huh!
It's the Bolt brothers, coupla fascist jerks.
WELSH: We dealt with them before – they're doing life.
VECCHIO: I guess we maybe didn't get them all.
Might be more brothers, or some other kin.
Let's check their visitors at the Federal Pen.
ACT 2 SCENE 5
[ON MULDOON'S PLANE SOME TIME LATER, OVER THE NORTHWEST TERRITORIES. TWO OF MULDOON'S MEN HAVE COME BACK INTO THE CARGO HOLD, AND LOOM LARGE AND THREATENING.]
KOWALSKI: I'll take 'em on, Fraser, just let me try!
FRASER: No, Ray, calm down.
KOWALSKI: Goddamnit! So okay,
Don't sweat it, Fraser, I'll do it your way
FRASER: All right.
KOWALSKI: Hey, henchmen, thank you kindly for
Puttin' down your guns an' turning yourselves in
So me an' Fraser here can cuff you up.
[MULDOON'S MEN SNORT AND LOOK UNIMPRESSED.]
KOWALSKI: Plan B. My arms are tied, so more like fins
I'll dolphin boy 'em, they'll go down like pins.
[HE HURLS HIS TORSO AT THE MEN, WHO LOOK BAFFLED AND PISSED, AND KNOCK HIM AWAY WITHOUT DIFFICULTY.]
MAIN HENCHMAN: Is he always this nuts?
[BEHIND HIM, BOB FRASER TRIES TO PUNCH THE HENCHMAN BUT HIS FIST GOES RIGHT THROUGH THE GUY'S HEAD.]
FRASER: [LOOKING THOUGHTFUL] Well, he can be
Impulsive. What I think he meant was this–
[FRASER AND KOWALSKI SIMULTANEOUSLY HEADBUTT THE TWO TOUGHS, WHO COLLAPSE. THEY QUICKLY PUSH THEM FORWARD THROUGH THE CONNECTING DOOR, THEN BARRICADE IT WITH HEAVY CRATES.]
KOWALSKI: Fraser, that ain't gonna hold them very long.
[WAVES THE GUN HE TOOK FROM ONE OF THE TOUGHS.]
What's that they say 'bout firing guns on planes?
FRASER: A bullet hole depressurizes the hold,
Think of a ball sucked into a garden hose.
Unlikely, though, because we're flying low.
KOWALSKI: [LOOKS FREAKED OUT NONETHELESS. HE STASHES THE GUN IN A POCKET.]
Okay, you got a plan?
FRASER: I do: we jump.
KOWALSKI: Outta the plane?
FRASER: They'll shoot us if we don't.
BOB FRASER: Shooting's not bad – there are worse ways to go.
[FRASER PULLS COLD WEATHER GEAR OUT OF A LOCKER AND GETS RAY TO PUT IT ON WHILE HE DONS SOME HIMSELF.]
KOWALSKI: [ALL BUNDLED UP] Pass me the parachute.
FRASER: [OPENS THE CARGO BAY DOOR.] Well, that's the thing.
There are none, but the snow here's bottomless,
It's just like jumping into candyfloss.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, nope. Reckon I'll take my chances here.
MULDOON: [SHOUTING FROM THE FRONT CABIN AS HIS MEN BASH THE DOOR IN] Benton, you're both dead meat!
FRASER: [POINTING OUT THE OPEN CARGO DOOR] Turtles! Look, Ray!
[RAY AUTOMATICALLY TURNS TO LOOK AND FRASER PUSHES HIM OUT, THEN JUMPS. MULDOON AND HIS MEN BURST INTO THE CARGO HOLD AND PEER OUT THE OPEN DOOR.]
MULDOON: Yeah, they're both done for in that ice and snow.
Good riddance! Shut this door; on with the show.
ACT 2 SCENE 6
[27TH PRECINCT, CHICAGO.]
CYRUS BOLT [COUSIN TO THE BOLT BROTHERS]:
I got my second amendment rights, and you
Nancy boys don't know squat, ain't got a clue!
WELSH: Well-regulated militia, secure free state and all,
Right to bear arms, yadda yadda, we know the drill.
BOLT: So what, you pissants drag me in here 'cause
I got a couple guns?
VECCHIO: Handguns in scores,
Crates of assault rifles, grenade launchers, and
Close to five hundred goddamn flamethrowers!
BOLT: So I'm a sportsman!
VECCHIO: Nothing sporting about
Flamethrowers, or a shitload of grenades.
BOLT: I'm an arms dealer, got a militia, too.
WELSH: A bunch of whack-jobs crashing through the woods
With automatic weapons? Oh for sure,
Just what the founding fathers wrote that for.
[BOLT IS OVERCOME WITH RAGE AND IS WRESTLED AWAY TO THE CELLS YELLING THREATS.]
WELSH: You know, Vecchio, perps sometimes get lost
In the judicial system for days or more.
VECCHIO: [CHEERFULLY] Yeah, it's a shocking human tragedy, sir.
ACT 2 SCENE 7
KOWALSKI: [STRUGGLING THROUGH DEEP SNOW]
Fraser I can't do this! Healthy for me
Is coffee with no Smarties. I ain't fit!
I'm city fit, but not for snowshoes, see?
FRASER: We have to keep on going, Ray, I fear.
BOB FRASER: Press on, and track the weasel to his lair!
FRASER: Taking the shortest, most direct route there
We'll get to Muldoon's rendezvous in two days.
KOWALSKI: Hang on, hang on, Two days? Two fucking days?
We got no food, and where we gonna sleep?
FRASER: We can survive two days, and, as you know
I always carry pemmican, just in case.
BOB FRASER: His snowshoe technique's got a ways to go.
FRASER: [ENCOURAGINGLY]
Weight forward, heels up, and onward through the snow.
KOWALSKI: [THROUGH GRITTED TEETH]
I swear I'll shoot you if you say heigh-ho!
ACT 2 SCENE 8
[INSPECTOR THATCHER AND TURNBULL, TRAVELING BY DOG SLED, ARRIVE AT BOB FROBISHER'S NORTHWEST TERRITORIES DETACHMENT CABIN.]
TURNBULL: What a trip, sir!
THATCHER: [CLAMBERING OUT STIFFLY] Worst four days of my life.
FROBISHER: [BURNING FOOD ON A WOOD STOVE]
Meg Thatcher, just in time! Have some moose hock
In boar tongue, topped with gorgonzola cheese.
THATCHER: Tempting, but no. Where are your snowmobiles?
FROBISHER: Those things need gas.
TURNBULL: I thought you had gas, sir?
FROBISHER: Yes, but why waste it when a team of dogs
Can run on tallow!
[DIEFENBAKER BARKS HUNGRILY.]
FROBISHER: [TO HIS TROOP] Get Dief some tallow, men!
TURNBULL: [RUBBING HIS HANDS TOGETHER IN ANTICIPATION] I've half a mind for the old feed bag myself.
THATCHER: You certainly do have half a mind, Turnbull.
FROBISHER: [PASSING TURNBULL SOMETHING IN FLAMES] Well done or burnt?
THATCHER: [POINTEDLY IGNORING TURNBULL SLAPPING OUT HIS BURNING MITTENS] I need a good hot bath.
FROBISHER: [CHEERFULLY] There's no baths here, I never felt the need.
You could just roll around out in the snow.
THATCHER: I really couldn't. [PULLING TURNBULL AWAY FROM HIS EXTRA WELL DONE MOOSE HOCK] Constable, let's go!
ACT 2 SCENE 9
[NORTHWEST TERRITORIES WILDERNESS, A CAMPSITE AT THE FOOT OF A MOUNTAIN.]
KOWALSKI: Fraser, d'you ever feel, um, lost, you know?
FRASER: No. A quick look at stars or sun solves that.
KOWALSKI: Not where you are, but who you are, I meant.
FRASER: [THOUGHTFUL] When I first reached Chicago, I felt like
I was an alien, from another world.
KOWALSKI: Which you are, Fraser.
FRASER: Yes, Ray, which I am.
It was all new, exciting, frightening.
I was an urban explorer.
KOWALSKI: [DROWSILY, WRAPPED IN A SLEEPING BAG.]
Sounds like an SUV.
FRASER: On stakeout once with Huey and Dewey, I
Narrated Franklin's North-West Passage quest,
Only to find them sleeping… Ray? Are you…?
[RAY SNORES.]
BOB FRASER: The Yank won't make it over the mountain, son.
You might have to abandon him in the snow.
FRASER: [ANGRILY] Do you even listen to the things you say?
BOB FRASER: Sorry, son, it's Muldoon, he tears at me.
I can't eat, sleep, or think, until he's caught.
FRASER: You're dead, Dad. That's why you can't sleep or eat.
You're also oddly pale, positively wan.
BOB FRASER: Trick of the Northern Lights. Get some rest, son.
ACT 2 SCENE 10
[27TH PRECINCT, WHERE ASSISTANT STATES ATTORNEY STELLA KOWALSKI, RAY'S EX-WIFE, HAS COME WITH A RELEASE ORDER FOR CYRUS BOLT.]
BOLT: No one locks Cyrus Bolt in jail an' lives!
VECCHIO: [SHRUGGING] Big building in a big city, there's mistakes.
BOLT: You pissant turd, I'll roast your–
STELLA: [QUELLINGLY] Mr. Bolt!
WELSH: What is this massive deal you're cooking up?
BOLT: More than your weakling pipsqueak minds can grasp! [HE STOMPS OUT]
WELSH: Total surveillance now, by day and night.
DEWEY: Okay, I got the days.
HUEY: [STRIKING A DISCO POSE, ARMS POINTING DIAGONALLY UP AND DOWN] I got the nights!
[EVERYONE LEAVES BUT VECCHIO AND STELLA.]
VECCHIO: [TURNING ON THE CHARM] Ray Vecchio, the real one. And your name?
STELLA: Stella Kowalski, Ray.
VECCHIO: Kowalski? Huh…
STELLA: I'm his ex-wife. Divorced.
VECCHIO: Don't take this wrong,
But that's the best news that I've heard all day.
[THEY SMILE AT EACH OTHER.]
ACT 2 SCENE 11
[NORTHWEST TERRITORIES WILDERNESS, AT THE FOOT OF A MOUNTAIN.]
KOWALSKI: [VERY TIRED] I gotta take a nap, Frase. Half an hour.
FRASER: Yes, Ray, right after we climb that. [INDICATES THE MOUNTAIN.]
KOWALSKI: Oh, fuck!
[ON THE MOUNTAIN, CLIMBING A STEEP FACE.]
KOWALSKI: Fraser, I can't!
FRASER: Relax, don't look down.
KOWALSKI: Nooo!
FRASER: One hand after the other, you'll be fine.
KOWALSKI: I really can't! [HE FALLS, BUT THE HARNESS AND ROPE PULL HIM UP SHORT AS FRASER CATCHES HIM.] Ow, Fraser, jeez, my balls!
FRASER: Sorry, Ray. Grab this icepick, on we climb.
ACT 2 SCENE 12
[CHICAGO, AN OUTLYING SMALL AIRFIELD. CYRUS BOLT BOARDS A PLANE AS HUEY AND DEWEY DRIVE UP IN THEIR CAR.]
DEWEY: Lost him, goddamnit.
HUEY: Got his number, though. [NOTING THE PLANE'S REGISTRATION.]
[27TH PRECINCT, WELSH'S OFFICE.]
WELSH: [ON THE PHONE TO BUCK FROBISHER'S CABIN.]
Inspector Thatcher?
FROBISHER: In hot water!
WELSH: What?
FROBISHER: Taking a bath. No idea we'd a tub!
Had to blindfold young Turnbull to hold her soap.
WELSH: [BAFFLED PAUSE]
…We tracked down Bolt, the contact for Muldoon.
He's Tuktoyaktuk bound, on a small plane.
Don't know the rendezvous – you'll pass it on?
FROBISHER: As soon as the Inspector's pretty head
Emerges from her bath – consider it done!
ACT 2 SCENE 13
[FRASER AND KOWALSKI ARE STILL ON THE MOUNTAIN, HALFWAY UP A CLIFF WITH EVENING APPROACHING. FRASER HAS RIGGED A HAMMOCK, HANGING OVER THE ENDLESS DROP, AND IS MANEUVERING RAY INTO IT.]
KOWALSKI: [DELIRIOUS WITH COLD AND EXHAUSTION]
Whee, Fraser, it's like when I was a kid
On a swing set! Whee!
FRASER: Ray, come on now, here,
Put your legs in the sleeping bag for me.
BOB FRASER: It's hypothermia, he's off with the fae.
FRASER: Maybe, but you're not helping any, Dad.
KOWALSKI: Hey, Fraser, buddy, anything you say,
Chicky chicky, calamari, hallowed be the day!
BOB FRASER: Oh dear, I don't know if he'll make it, son.
FRASER: [GRITTING HIS TEETH]
He's tougher than he looks. Leave us alone.
ACT 2 SCENE 14
[BUCK FROBISHER'S CABIN, NORTHWEST TERRITORIES. INSPECTOR THATCHER IS WEDGED INTO A BED WITH FROBISHER AND TURNBULL FOR WARMTH, AND IS ON THE PHONE.]
WELSH: [FROM CHICAGO]
Bolt's plane dropped off the radar, never reached
Tuktoyaktuk. Reports are that he's gone
To Franklin Bay.
THATCHER: Do you know how much land
Franklin Bay covers? It's almost fifty K!
WELSH: Sorry – but that's the best that we can do.
Good luck, Inspector, the rest's up to you.
THATCHER: Never fear, Welsh, we're the RCMP.
We'll get the bastards, just you wait and see.
ACT 2 SCENE 15
[BACK ON THE MOUNTAIN WITH FRASER AND KOWALSKI. FRASER NOW HAS A HALF-FROZEN RAY TIED TO HIS BACK AS HE CLIMBS THE LAST STRETCH TO THE SUMMIT.]
BOB FRASER: One time your mother and I were getting supplies
From Resolute, when a blizzard pinned us down.
I didn't think we'd make it, but we still
Looked better than the Yank does.
FRASER: [GRUNTING WITH EFFORT] Yeah, thanks, Dad
Helpful as ever.
KOWALSKI: Fraser, you okay?
You're talkin' to yourself. You might have that
Hyderophobia thing.
FRASER: [WITH DIFFICULTY] Unlikely, Ray.
KOWALSKI: You gotta push on, Frase, through cold an' pain.
There's red ships an' there's green ships but there ain't
No ships like partnerships, hear what I say?
FRASER: I hear you, Ray. Thanks for the encouragement.
ACT 2 SCENE 16
[OUTSIDE FROBISHER'S CABIN IN THE NORTHWEST TERRITORIES. THE MOUNTIES ARE ALL ON DOG SLEDS AND FROBISHER IS ON A HORSE.]
FROBISHER: [STRIKING A DRAMATIC POSE] To Franklin Bay!
[THEY ALL TAKE OFF WITH MUCH SHOUTING OF "MUSH!" AND DOGS YIPPING. INSPECTOR THATCHER IS IN A SLED BEING MUSHED BY TURNBULL.]
THATCHER: Turnbull, get us underway!
Do you know what you're doing, with this sled?
TURNBULL: No worries, sir, the men gave me a crash course!
THATCHER: [HOLDING ON GRIMLY]
A crash course, wonderful. Just don't hit the horse!
ACT 2 SCENE 17
[FRASER HAS REACHED THE CREST OF THE MOUNTAIN, UNTIED RAY AND MASSAGED HIS LEGS UNTIL HE CAN WALK AGAIN. RAY IS STANDING ON THE SUMMIT, A BIT HIGH.]
KOWALSKI: I never climbed a mountain before, Frase, it's cool!
BOB FRASER: He didn't climb up this one – man's a fool!
FRASER: [POINTEDLY IGNORING HIS FATHER'S GHOST]
It's very cool indeed, but we can't stay.
KOWALSKI: Gimme a moment of triumph, Frase!
FRASER: [INDULGENTLY] Okay.
[HE STANDS WITH RAY, BEAMING OUT AT THE INCREDIBLE VIEW. RAY SUDDENLY TURNS AND KISSES HIM, THEN PULLS BACK, RUEFUL.]
KOWALSKI: Whoa, Frase, my knees got weak a second there.
Which, with the drop, ain't such a great idea.
We gotta find someplace that's got a bed
So I can kiss you proper an' not be dead.
FRASER: Hold that thought, Ray, we've got a ways to go
Right down the mountain, far as you can see.
KOWALSKI: Down? Down is fine, 'cause we got gravity
Givin' us a hand.
FRASER: It's much more dangerous, Ray.
Where mountains are concerned, down's the worst way.
[RAY HEADS DOWN THE PRECIPITOUS SNOWY SLOPE REGARDLESS, STILL ATTACHED TO FRASER BY THE ROPE. SOON THEY'RE BOTH SKIDDING, SLIDING AND FALLING, ALL THE WAY TO THE MOUNTAIN'S FOOT, WHERE THEY LAND IN MORE THICK SNOW.]
KOWALSKI: Told you, down's easy!
FRASER: [DUSTING SNOW OFF HIMSELF, PEERING UP AT THEIR TRAIL DOWN THE SLOPE.]
At least we missed the rocks,
And somehow failed to start an avalanche.
[HE CHECKS THE CRATE OF EQUIPMENT HE'S BEEN TOTING SINCE MULDOON'S PLANE. MIRACULOUSLY, IT'S INTACT.]
KOWALSKI: On we go, we got criminals to catch!
[HE GOES TO STAMP OFF THROUGH THE SNOW BUT IS STOPPED BY THE CONNECTING ROPE.]
FRASER: Muldoon wanted to drop us here, the ice field.
It's full of cracks, crevasses, masked by snow.
It's like a minefield, so we'll have to go–
KOWALSKI: A minefield? Mines? An' snow? That's just not fair!
[HE RUNS, PANICKED, PULLING FRASER WITH HIM, UNTIL THEY BOTH FALL INTO A CREVASSE AND DISAPPEAR. A MOMENT LATER THEY'RE WEDGED HIP TO HIP THIRTY FEET DEEP, FACING EACH OTHER, CAUGHT IN A NARROWING OF THE CREVASSE WHICH DROPS AWAY BELOW THEM INTO THE DEPTHS.]
KOWALSKI: I think we're stuck, Frase, in this damn cravat.
FRASER: Crevasse, and yes, Ray, we most certainly are.
KOWALSKI: So do your Mountie Inuit thing. Get us out!
FRASER: I wish I could. Now, Ray, give me your gun.
KOWALSKI: Don't despair, Frase, it hasn't come to that!
FRASER: Indeed not, Ray, I'll make a marker flag.
[RAY HANDS OVER THE GUN AND FRASER INSERTS A RED BANDANA INTO THE MUZZLE. HE FIRES IT, SHOOTING THE BANDANA UP AND ONTO THE SNOWFIELD.]
KOWALSKI: Okay, Fraser, I gotta use the fact
That we're, like, pressed together all intimate
To steal another kiss.
[THEY KISS FOR A LONG MOMENT, THEN RAY PULLS BACK.]
So what now, huh?
FRASER: Well, now we wait, and hope that we're in luck,
To see if, in this trackless wilderness
Someone will pass and see the handkerchief,
And be equipped to rescue us.
KOWALSKI: No shit.
And if, instead, no one comes by?
FRASER: We die.
ACT 2 SCENE 18
[27TH PRECINCT, CHICAGO.]
VECCHIO: Wish we knew what was goin' on up north.
They could be stuck inside a block of ice
For all we've heard! …Not that I care at all.
STELLA: I'm sure you do care, Ray. What's more I think
You've got a generous heart.
VECCHIO: [PLEASED] Reckon I do?
Well thank you, Stella, you seem real nice too.
[FRANNIE AND WELSH HAVE BROKEN OUT THE HARD LIQUOR TO COPE.]
FRANNIE: [ROLLING HER EYES] Oh, please!
WELSH: [DRINKING] Yeah, you two, just go get a room!
ACT 2 SCENE 19
[INSIDE THE CREVASSE, NORTHWEST TERRITORIES.]
KOWALSKI: Y'know, Fraser, the main regret I got
Is that I never did a big adventure, right?
FRASER: You don't view being in the Arctic stuck
In a crevasse adventurous enough?
KOWALSKI: No, like discoverin' where the Nile comes from
Or findin' King Tut's tomb, that sorta stuff.
Like in the Boys Adventure comics I had.
FRASER: Ah, so like Franklin's voyage, to locate
The Northwest Passage to the Beaufort Sea.
KOWALSKI: Franklin? Who's he?
FRASER: In eighteen forty-five,
Sir John Franklin started off with two ships
Called Erebus and Terror, and their crews.
They wanted to explore a passage through
The ice and islands clear from Hudson Bay
West to the Beaufort Sea.
KOWALSKI: What happened, Frase?
FRASER: They never made it. Last seen in Peel Sound
July the 26th.
KOWALSKI: No one found them?
FRASER: Many have searched for Franklin's reaching hand,
His resting place, but we don't know where he
And his companions met their final end.
KOWALSKI: I want to find that reaching out hand, Frase!
If we get outta this alive, that is.
FRASER: A quest in the wild frozen north has risks.
It could well be the hand of death, you know.
KOWALSKI: Well, I faced death before, that's nothin' new.
FRASER: How did you handle it, Ray, what did you do?
KOWALSKI: I sang – ABBA, mostly, which kinda ruined the mood.
FRASER: Then we should sing now, Ray!
KOWALSKI: What, SOS?
FRASER: [SHAKES HIS HEAD, THEN STARTS SINGING]
"Ah, for just one time I would take the Northwest Passage"
[BOB FRASER MATERIALIZES IN THE CREVASSE AND SINGS ALONG WITH FRASER]
"To find the hand of Franklin reaching for the Beaufort Sea."
[UP TOP ON THE ICE FIELD, THE RED BANDANA BLOWS INTO THE FACE OF A BEARDED, MOUNTAINOUS TRAPPER DRESSED IN FURS. BELOW, FRASER AND BOB ARE STILL SINGING.]
"Tracing one warm line through a land so wide and savage,
And make a Northwest Passage to the sea!"
[THE MAN MOUNTAIN SUDDENLY APPEARS, UPSIDE DOWN, ABOVE FRASER AND RAY, SINGING THE NEXT LINE. HE GRINS AT FRASER.]
FRASER: Delmar!
DELMAR: Benton! How are things goin' with you?
FRASER: Oh, a bit stuck.
DELMAR: Good meetin' you. Last time
Was, what, grade four?
FRASER: At least – it's been a while.
DELMAR: I loved grade four! So then, you boys want out?
Or are you okay stayin' where you are?
KOWALSKI: Out, out!
FRASER: Indeed. We'd be obliged, Delmar.
[WHILE DELMAR HOOKS THEM UP TO ROPE HARNESSES, RAY MUTTERS TO FRASER.]
KOWALSKI: Fourth grade?
FRASER: Yes, Ray. He was held back a bit.
[AFTER BEING DRAGGED UP ONTO THE SURFACE AGAIN, THEY HUDDLE AGAINST THE DRIVING WIND AND SNOW.]
DELMAR: Well, nice to see ya, but I gotta go.
Just too damn crowded hereabouts, y'know.
I'm headed further north.
FRASER: Crowded? Up here?
[KOWALSKI IS KNOCKED DOWN BY THE WIND AND CLAMBERS BACK UP AGAIN.]
DELMAR: Hunters in Project Valley, buncha guys
With heavy armaments over by Diamond Head,
And up on Mount Sublime there's a whole team
Of soccer players eatin' each other–
KOWALSKI: What's that?
DELMAR: There's a whole team of Argentinian players–
KOWALSKI: No, no, the heavy weaponry guys, that bit.
DELMAR: Snowmobiles, decked in black, they got the works!
It's way too busy 'round here, so I'll be off.
Good seein' you Benton!
FRASER: Same to you, Delmar!
[DELMAR TROMPS OFF INTO THE SNOW. AFTER SEVERAL PACES HE TURNS AND CALLS BACK.]
DELMAR: Oh and a troop of Mounties at King's Creek! [HE WAVES AND VANISHES INTO THE STORM.]
BOB FRASER: King's Creek, son! Hurry now, we have to go!
KOWALSKI: [STARING AFTER DELMAR] They all like that up here?
FRASER: All like what, Ray?
KOWALSKI: Like Grizzly Adams, kinda squirrely?
FRASER: Well, it's unpopulated, but mostly, yeah.
But now we have to get to King's Creek, Ray,
And give the meet's coordinates to Buck.
KOWALSKI: A change of plans? How're we gettin' there?
[FRASER RAPIDLY TURNS THE SUPPLY CRATE THEY'VE BEEN TOTING INTO A SLED AND THEY HURTLE DOWN THE SNOWY MOUNTAIN FOOTHILLS, NARROWLY AVOIDING SMASHING INTO TREES, UNTIL THEY CRASH INTO THE MOUNTIE CAMP, HURTLE THROUGH TWO TENTS AND COME TO A STOP AT BUCK FROBISHER'S CAMPFIRE WHERE BUCK IS ROASTING SOMETHING OVER THE FLAMES.]
BUCK: Just in time, men! Fancy some grilled moose hock?
ACT 3 SCENE 1
[A LITTLE LATER THAT NIGHT, BUCK FROBISHER'S CAMP. FRASER AND BUCK SIT AT THE FIRE.]
FRASER: Delicious meal, sir, really hit the spot.
FROBISHER: Nothing like moose charred on an open fire!
FRASER: We'll reach the rendezvous tomorrow noon.
FROBISHER: [NODS ASSENT] Is he around here, by the way?
FRASER: What, Bolt?
FROBISHER: Your father, Benton.
FRASER: Ah… no. Um, you know
He never told me about my mother, sir.
FROBISHER: You're saying he was flawed? Or that he failed
You and your mother? He was mad with grief.
He did his best.
FRASER: He tried to kill Muldoon.
FROBISHER: Muldoon laughed in his face, shot her and laughed.
Don't be too hard, try standing in his shoes.
[RAY EMERGES FROM A TENT AND COMES OVER.]
KOWALSKI: Hey Fraser, Mr. Buck, sir, I ain't sure
About us crashin' this rendezvous, you know?
They got forty armed men and we got a few
Mounties. I mean the odds, they kind of blow.
FROBISHER: Excellent challenge, son! And now I'll go
Sort out the dogs, give them bones, some tallow.
[HE GETS UP, FARTS LOUDLY AND WAGS A FINGER AT DIEFENBAKER.]
Manners, Dief you rascal! Hounds these days, good Lord!
[HE STRIDES OFF. DIEF BARKS AFTER HIM, ANNOYED, THEN FOLLOWS, DRAWN BY THE LURE OF FOOD. RAY SITS DOWN WITH FRASER AT THE FIRE. AFTER SOME TIME STARING INTO THE FLAMES, HE SPEAKS.]
KOWALSKI: So I guess once we're done with this you'll be
Partnerin' up with Vecchio again.
An' I mean, like, that's fine. He's a good guy.
You two were partners for a bunch of years…
FRASER: Well, Ray, my father and Buck Frobisher
Were partners twenty years. Their territory
Covered a thousand miles. They didn't see
Each other for weeks or sometimes even months.
And yet they always knew they were a team.
KOWALSKI: [BAFFLED] I don't see what that has–
[INSPECTOR THATCHER STRIDES PAST.]
THATCHER: Fraser, with me!
FRASER: Ray, duty calls. [HE GETS UP AND FOLLOWS HER.]
KOWALSKI: [SADLY, TO THE FIRE] Yeah Frase, it always does.
ACT 3 SCENE 2
[AT THE EDGE OF THE CAMP INSPECTOR THATCHER IS STARING AT THE EXPANSE OF SNOW, WHILE FRASER WAITS POLITELY.]
THATCHER: You know, Fraser, I look out over this
Cold, empty, barren, icy wilderness,
Where any mistake could be the last you make,
Silence for countless miles and only yourself
For company, and I can't think of a place
I dislike more. [SIGHS] But clearly this is where
You're meant to be.
FRASER: Yes, sir, I think it is.
THATCHER: Then this might be farewell, if we survive.
FRASER: I'm sorry to hear that, sir. I hope you thrive
Down in Toronto, and they appreciate
Your many talents.
THATCHER: [WRYLY] Don't lay it on too thick.
And one last thing, don't let your chance go by
With your friend Ray Kowalski. Seize the day!
FRASER: I may… already have seized it, actually.
THATCHER: [CLAPS HIM ON THE SHOULDER AS THEY TURN TO WALK BACK.]
Well, good for you, for nobody should be
Alone up here in this wild territory.
We're Mounties and we always get our man,
So see you do!
FRASER: [SMILING, LOOKING DOWN] Indeed, sir, that's my plan.
ACT 3 SCENE 3
[THE FOLLOWING MORNING, MOUNTIE CAMP, NORTHWEST TERRITORIES.]
FROBISHER: [GIVING A ROUSING SPEECH TO HIS HANDFUL OF MOUNTIES, AND RAY.]
Today is the eleventh of March, and those
Of us who live through it without being shot
Like, in the head or otherwise somehow slain
Will hold this glorious day in memory
And will be excited by the date: eleventh March!
We happy few, we band of brothers bright,
Our names will be like as to household names!
Those who can't be here due to being asleep
Or in some other place, will feel themselves
Crappy, because they could not join the fight
On this day, March the eleventh!
[ALL LOOK MOVED OR DETERMINED, EXCEPT FOR RAY, WHO'S BEEN ROLLING HIS EYES. TURNBULL IS OPENLY WEEPING.]
Now, move out!
[BEFORE GETTING ONTO THE BACK OF RAY'S SLED, FRASER TIES A MESSAGE TO DIEF'S COLLAR AND SENDS HIM OFF.]
FRASER: [TO BUCK] I've sent for reinforcements.
FROBISHER: Yes, good man.
[THE TROOP SETS OFF WITH MUCH YIPPING AND SHOUTING, THE DOG SLEDS FOLLOWING BUCK'S HORSE. WE THEN SEE DIEFENBAKER AS HE LEAPS THROUGH THE SNOW, RUNNING QUICKLY THE OTHER WAY. BOB FRASER WATCHES THEM GO.]
BOB FRASER: We're going to get him, Caroline, I vow,
Benton will get him dead to rights somehow.
ACT 3 SCENE 4
[27TH PRECINCT, CHICAGO. WELSH AND FRANNIE ARE PACING NERVOUSLY TO AND FRO.]
STELLA: [TO THEM] You'll make me dizzy.
VECCHIO: [FLIRTATIOUSLY] Like you're making me!
FRANNIE: It's the not knowing that's the worst, for sure,
It drives me crazy that we've had no word.
WELSH: Knowing those two, they're up to some damn crap
Climbing a mountain peak, in a crevasse,
Hurtling down slopes, or freezin' their fool asses
Off on a frozen lake tryin' to read a map!
FRANNIE: Yeah, like I said, not knowing's the hardest part.
ACT 3 SCENE 5
[NORTHWEST TERRITORIES, OUT ON A FROZEN LAKE. FRASER AND RAY ARE READING A MAP, WITH THE MOUNTIES STANDING NEARBY.]
KOWALSKI: You sure this is the place? There's nothing here.
FRASER: Seventy North, one twenty-five West, are the
Coordinates I heard – that's where we are.
[A DEEP, CRACKING RUMBLE COMES FROM UNDER THEIR FEET.]
KOWALSKI: The fuck was that!
FRASER: Just the ice cracking, Ray.
KOWALSKI: The what?
FRASER: This isn't a lake, Ray, it's a fjord,
And open to the sea. That noise and jolt
Was from deep tides that undermine the ice.
KOWALSKI: We should get the hell off it Fraser, quick!
FRASER: The ice is very thick, Ray, there's no risk
Of falling through it, so don't be alarmed.
KOWALSKI: Why can't these bastards do their weapons deal
In a nice civilized city where it's warm!
[CUT TO A MOUNTIE DETACHMENT CABIN. DIEF SKIDS TO A STOP AND JUMPS UP, SCRABBLING AT THE DOOR AND BARKING. A RED-COATED CONSTABLE WELCOMES HIM AND TAKES THE NOTE FROM HIS COLLAR.]
[BACK ON THE FROZEN FJORD, BOB FRASER APPEARS BESIDE BUCK FROBISHER.]
BOB FRASER: Buck.
FROBISHER: There you are, Bob. Looking a little pale.
BOB FRASER: I'm dead.
FROBISHER: Hard to believe. We'll get Muldoon
For Caroline, I promise, and for you.
BOB FRASER: Uh oh, here's trouble!
[FROBISHER WHIRLS AND SEES A LINE OF SNOWMOBILES RIDDEN BY BLACK-UNIFORMED MILITIA FAST APPROACHING.]
FROBISHER: [SHOUTS AND POINTS] Great Scott men, form up!
Husband your ammunition! Shoot to kill!
Aim true, make every shot count! Fire at will!
[THE MOUNTIES FORM TWO ROWS, RIFLES RAISED, THE ONES IN FRONT KNEELING. RAY AND FRASER ARE A LITTLE WAY AWAY IN THE CENTER OF THE FJORD. THE ICE HEAVES AGAIN WITH LOUDER CRACKING AND GROANING.]
KOWALSKI: [GETS UP AFTER BEING KNOCKED OFF HIS FEET]
That can't be normal!
TURNBULL: In a frozen fjord,
Plates of thick ice slide over each other and rub–
[THE ICE UNDER KOWALSKI AND FRASER HEAVES AND CRACKS INTO FLOES, BREAKING AWAY AS A DARK TOWER PUSHES UP THROUGH IT WITH KOWALSKI AND FRASER RIDING ON IT.]
FRASER: Actually, no. This is a nuclear sub.
[HE PEERS AT THE MARKINGS ON THE CONNING TOWER]
A Russian delta-class, I do believe.
It seems this is the reason Cyrus Bolt
Rendezvoused here, not in the city's hub.
KOWALSKI: But why'd Bolt want a nuclear submarine?
FRASER: To take over the planet, Ray. I mean
Bolt is your standard megalomaniac,
Impulsive, lacking judgment, too much spleen,
Full of crazed plans, which Muldoon's making fact.
[FRASER OPENS A DOOR IN THE CONNING TOWER AND HE AND KOWALSKI DUCK INSIDE THE SUB. MEANWHILE, THE SMALL BAND OF MOUNTIES ARMED ONLY WITH HUNTING RIFLES HAVE TAKEN REFUGE BEHIND THE SUBMARINE'S METAL SUPERSTRUCTURE WHILE CYRUS BOLT'S MILITIA CIRCLE THEM ON SNOWMOBILES FIRING BURSTS FROM AUTOMATIC WEAPONS.]
THATCHER: [SHOUTING WHILE FIRING] Do we have enough ammunition, Buck?
FROBISHER: [DUCKING AS BULLETS PING OFF THE SUBMARINE] No, no, inevitably we'll run out quite soon,
Firefights like this can't be sustained for long.
TURNBULL: I'm far too young to die here on the ice! [FIRES WILDLY]
I could be kissing babies, making nice
In a political career. If we escape
I'm going to run for office and be safe!
FROBISHER: Maintain a stiff upper lip and calm down, son!
The sleds are piled with moose hock so we can
Brain these louts with it when our ammo's done.
THATCHER: We're going to need those reinforcements soon!
FROBISHER: Ah, in the nick of time, look, here they come!
[NUMEROUS MOUNTIES IN RED JACKETS SKYDIVE OUT OF PLANES AND FLOAT DOWN BEHIND THE MILITIA LINES ON CHUTES MADE FROM CANADIAN FLAGS. DIEFENBAKER HAS HIS OWN CHUTE.]
FROBISHER: They're the Air Mounties, it's the latest thing!
[THE AIR MOUNTIES NOW GREATLY OUTNUMBER CYRUS BOLT'S MILITIA AND THE MILITIA ARE TRAPPED BETWEEN THEM AND FROBISHER'S TROOP. THE MILITIA DROP THEIR ASSAULT RIFLES BUT BOLT HIMSELF NEEDS TO BE RESTRAINED BY THE EXTREMELY POLITE MOUNTIES.]
AIR MOUNTIE: Excuse me, sir, but please proffer your wrists
So we can cuff you. Sir, I must insist!
BOLT: I won't surrender, never! Useless scum!
Keep fighting, cowards! Now too late I see
You can't train Idaho potato grubbers to be
Pillars of a national army of Liberation!
[HE'S WRESTLED TO THE GROUND, YELLING ABUSE, AND IMMOBILIZED.]
[INSIDE THE NUCLEAR SUBMARINE, FRASER AND RAY FIGHT THEIR WAY THROUGH THE PASSAGEWAYS, DEALING WITH ALL THE CREW UNTIL THEY REACH THE CONTROL ROOM.]
FRASER: That's Muldoon, fleeing up the conning tower!
KOWALSKI: Go catch him, while I tie up these last goons!
[MULDOON'S BOOTS DISAPPEAR ABOVE AND FRASER CLAMBERS UP AFTER HIM, TO FIND THAT HE'S JUMPED DOWN ONTO AN ABANDONED SNOWMOBILE AND HAS DRIVEN OFF ACROSS THE FROZEN FJORD. FRASER LEAPS DOWN ONTO THE BACK OF BUCK FROBISHER'S HORSE AS KOWALSKI APPEARS FROM THE TOWER.]
FRASER: Wish me luck, Ray!
KOWALSKI: Not like you need it, Frase!
[FRASER GALLOPS OFF AFTER MULDOON, WIELDING A LASSO. AFTER A FRANTIC CHASE HE MANAGES TO ROPE MULDOON AND DRAG HIM OFF THE SNOWMOBILE.]
MULDOON: Benton damn Fraser! You've Bob's DNA
For sheer determination. And you're just
As much a fool as him.
FRASER: This is the end
Of your murderous career, Muldoon. You're done!
[MULDOON STRUGGLES AWAY DESPITE BEING LASSOED AND FALLS INTO AN ABANDONED MINE SHAFT. THE ROPE DRAGS FRASER IN AFTER HIM AND THEY CRASH DOWN THROUGH SEVERAL ROTTING LEVELS TO LAND IN A TUNNEL FAR BELOW, GUNS SCATTERED.]
MULDOON: [FREES HIMSELF FROM THE ROPE, THEN SEES THAT FRASER IS STILL WITH HIM]
You don't quit, do you? Always get your man.
FRASER: I never give up, ever.
MULDOON: A character flaw.
I'll have to kill you now with my bare hands.
BOB FRASER: [BEHIND BENTON]
Stop there – you'll do no more killing, Muldoon.
Remember Six Mile Canyon, twenty-nine
Long years ago?
MULDOON: Bob Fraser? But you're dead!
BOB FRASER: As dead as you. [SHOOTS AT MULDOON BUT MISSES.]
MULDOON: Damn it, this can't be true!
FRASER: How come he sees you, Dad?
BOB FRASER: I want him to.
I need him dead so much the gun works, too.
Muldoon, you cross a Mountie and he'll hunt
You to the grave, and then beyond as well.
At last, Muldoon, I'm sending you to hell!
[HE RAISES THE GUN AGAIN, AT POINT BLANK RANGE.]
FRASER: This was wrong twenty-nine years ago
Dad, and it's still wrong now. Don't do it, please.
BOB FRASER: But why else am I here if not for this?
FRASER: Maybe it's your second chance to get it right.
Give me the gun.
BOB FRASER: [SLUMPS, HANDS THE GUN OVER.] Tell me you'll bring him in.
FRASER: [TRAINING THE GUN ON MULDOON] I promise, Dad. This is the end for him.
BOB FRASER: One last thing that I need to do.
FRASER: What's that?
[BOB PUNCHES MULDOON IN THE JAW, AND MULDOON FALLS, DAZED. FRASER CUFFS HIM.]
BOB FRASER: [CRADLING HIS FIST] Why does anyone ever do that? Lord, it hurts!
FRASER: You're fading, Dad, I can see right through you.
BOB FRASER: I've captured my last man, solved my last crime.
FRASER: Oh, but I'd thought that you were with me like…
A permanent fixture.
BOB FRASER: [KINDLY] Nothing's permanent.
[FURTHER DOWN THE TUNNEL, IN A SHAFT OF LIGHT FROM THE SURFACE, BENTON'S MOTHER CAROLINE APPEARS, DRESSED IN THICK FURS. SHE COMES UP TO BOB, THEN TURNS TO BENTON, SMILES, AND TENDERLY BRUSHES BACK HIS HAIR.]
FRASER: [CLOSE TO TEARS] Mum!
[CAROLINE TAKES BOB'S HAND AND LEADS HIM AWAY. SHE LOOKS BACK AND SMILES AGAIN, THEN THEY FADE AND ARE GONE.]
ACT 3 SCENE 6
[NORTHWEST TERRITORIES. FRASER IS FINISHING HARNESSING A DOG SLED TEAM WITH DIEFENBAKER IN THE LEAD. DRESSED VERY WARMLY, RAY KOWALSKI IS TUCKED INTO THE SLED.
TOGETHER, FRASER AND RAY NARRATE THE LAST OF THE STORY.]
FRASER: So life went on. Huey and Dewey got
Their comedy club, Lieutenant Welsh stayed at
The 27th, riding herd on his staff
to clear their cases.
KOWALSKI: Turnbull ran for office,
But got knocked over by his campaign bus.
The Ice Queen, Thatcher? Rumors say that she's
Overseas doin' secret government work.
Hey, Frase, I didn't know Canada even had spies,
Thought you were all too nice?
FRASER: Indeed we are
But that doesn't preclude clandestine work.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, well I guess you're living proof of that!
Where were we? Oh yeah, Frannie had tons of kids
And wouldn't name the dads so chalk those up
To immaculate conceptions, natch?
FRASER: Indeed.
Ray Vecchio, my old partner, fell in love
With your ex, Stella–
KOWALSKI: I still can't believe
She chose the style pig! Guess she's kind of a
Slick dresser too, but bowling? Jesus, Frase.
They're gonna run a bowling alley, and
In Florida? Just, color me amazed.
FRASER: And so to us, Ray, to complete our tale.
Finally the killers of my parents came
To justice, but we chose not to return
To the metropolis that never was my home.
KOWALSKI: Well, it was mine, Frase, but I figured out
Through all of this, that home is where you are.
FRASER: That's touching, Ray, and if we weren't about
To launch ourselves into the great unknown
I'd demonstrate my feelings in a more
Pleasurable way.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, no, it took an age
To get all bundled up in Arctic gear
So I'll just take a rain check till we reach
Our camp, then you can peel me like a grape!
[FRASER LEANS DOWN AND THEY KISS.]
FRASER: [STRAIGHTENING, TAKING THE REINS]
Yes, Ray and I stayed on here in the north
Where I feel most at home, and Buck was kind
And gave us our own dog team, tallow and tack.
He wished us godspeed, as we leave to track
Franklin's last voyage through ice and snow-locked land.
KOWALSKI: A big adventure, right? An' if we find
Franklin's old metaphysical, reachin'-out hand
We'll let you know. Mush, Fraser!
FRASER: Team, let's go!
[EXCITEDLY, DIEF AND THE HUSKIES LEAP AWAY, THE SLED PICKING UP SPEED UNTIL RAY AND FRASER VANISH THROUGH SNOWY MOUNTAINS, INTO THE SUNSET.]
the end
Endnote: The wreck of the Erebus was finally found in 2014, and that of the Terror in 2016.