Work Text:
One of Ruffnut’s many interesting hobbies is stalking her friends. It took her a while to get to Astrid, her roommate, because frankly she is terrifying and sometimes downright mean. But she has been mentioning her boyfriend at least, like, three times a day since the semester started.
Ruffnut has to see him.
She has to know if Astrid is one of those drop-dead gorgeous girls with an ugly boyfriend or if she and her boyfriend are one of those hot couples.
Unfortunately, Astrid is practically allergic to social media. She refuses to download Snapchat and she has zero posts on Instagram. However, she has been tagged in posts on her father’s account, but that was when she was fourteen and not much else. It does lead her to her mother’s account, which is private, but like most middle-aged mothers, she is an avid Facebook user. After a minute or so of scrolling, Ruffnut hits the jackpot.
A picture of Astrid and a guy, arms wrapped around each other as they smile at the camera, a bit teary-eyed. Astrid left for college this morning. We’ll miss her a lot! Thank you, Henry, for helping us pack! ❤️
Henry, Ruffnut assumes, is the guy with his arm around Astrid’s shoulder. Now, he might not be Ruffnut’s type, but damn if Astrid isn’t a lucky girl. Dark tousled hair, bright green eyes, tall — at least six feet — and lean, unless the light is just very flattering.
Just to be sure that this is a boyfriend and not a brother, Ruffnut continues scrolling. More photos of the two of them, some photos of Astrid she will definitely use for blackmail (no matter how scary she is), and then,
A mother-in-law’s dream 😍
Multiple photos of Henry the Definitely Boyfriend; holding up a painting of Astrid and her family, including what Ruffnut assumes is a family dog; hanging up said painting; showing off a cake with the text Happy Birthday Ingrid, Astrid smiling in the background.
This calls for a brother-sister meeting. After checking the time — yep, Astrid should be at the gym for another hour — she pulls up Tuffnut’s contact.
“What?” he answers in lieu of a greeting.
“Come over here now,” she says. “I found The Boyfriend.” She says the last part as if it’s a grand scientific discovery. Considering how curious she and Tuffnut have been since Astrid first mentioned The Boyfriend, it practically is.
Tuffnut barges in fifteen minutes later. Ruffnut has been trying to teach him how to knock for years, emphasizing its importance especially now that she lives with another girl, but his head is too thick to let new information in.
She doesn’t bother scolding him now. Instead, she shoves her phone in his face.
“This is Henry,” she says.
It isn’t a post from Astrid’s mother. While waiting for Tuffnut, she went through her list of friends. There were two Henrys, but one of them is fifty-two and almost bald so she assumed the nineteen-year-old is Astrid’s boyfriend.
From there, she had found an Instagram account, hhhaddock. It’s public; he’s posted as many posts as one with as many as two photos; one of him and a very familiar girl called Astrid, wearing graduation gowns, a shaggy-looking black dog with three legs standing next to him; and a photo of the three of them sleeping on a couch, the dog snuggled up between them.
“He looks like a twig,” Tuffnut scoffs. “I thought Astrid would date some gym bro.”
“Don’t be rude,” says Ruffnut. “It’s called being lean. Also, she has better taste than that.” She opens the unstarted DM between her and Henry, flopping onto her bed. “Anyway, we should get him here.”
Tuffnut throws himself down next to her, making sure to poke her in the ribs as much as possible. “And how would we do that?”
“Like this.”
You
hey
im astrids roommate and i stalked her bc i wanted to find her bf
wanna surprise her???
“What if he takes ages to reply?” Tuffnut asks, just as the three dots signifying that Henry is answering appear at the bottom of the screen.
Ruffnut gives her brother a smug look.
Henry H Haddock
Sure yeah but how do I know that you’re actually her roommate?
Ruffnut sends various photos of her and Astrid together, both selfies and taken by others. Just for fun, she sends a photo of the two of them from a party about a week ago; Astrid twisting her upper body to look at the camera, Ruffnut leaning her elbow on her shoulder, hip cocked, both in dresses so short and tight it’d send an Amish person into a heart attack.
Henry H Haddock
Ok I believe you
Thanks for that last pic btw I’m saving that
But I’m cropping you out
Ruffnut cackles.
You
oh i LIKE you haddock
now lets get to business
why havent u come here b4???
Henry H Haddock
Astrid didn’t want to kick you out of the dorm so there’s never been a very good time
And I’m too far away for a day trip
You
astrid didn’t want to kick me out??????
i didn’t know she was nice
Henry H Haddock
She’s mean to everyone, you’d know if she actually disliked you
You
well ofc i can sleep someone else if she wants some boyfriend action ;))
Henry H Haddock
Oh
Thanks lol
You
anywho i think i have the PERFECT opportunity for u my friend
(we’re friends now)
do u have any classes on friday?
Henry H Haddock
One at 9 but I can be there by Friday night or maybe late afternoon if I really push it
You
FANTASTIC
there’s a frat party that night and astrid has agreed to go
Henry H Haddock
What time should I be there?
You
attaboy
meet us at 9
i’ll send u the location
Henry H Haddock
I’ll see you there then
And Astrid
You
yeah i’ll put her in her sluttiest little outfit just for u ;)
He types out an answer, stops, types again, stops again, longer this time.
Tuffnut snorts. “You broke him.”
Henry H Haddock
Thanks
Ruffnut snickers.
Tuffnut sits up, kicking Ruffnut’s side, spine, head, and legs in the process. “Why did I have to come over here if you did all the talking yourself?”
“Because you, dear brother, are going to help me make this plan work. We need to keep her from seeing him before she’s supposed to an excuse to be there to pick him up, and I need you to kick Snotlout out so I can sleep in your dorm.”
“Ugh,” Tuffnut groans, but that’s all the protest she receives. Planning is not his strong suit, especially when it doesn’t involve anyone nearly dying; he prefers to be the one doing the almost dying, or the almost killing.
—
“Why do I have to wear something nice?” Astrid asks for the fourth time. “It’s not even a special party.”
Ruffnut sighs and says, for the fourth time, “Because I’m going to wear something nice and I don’t want to be the only one. I thought girls were supposed to support girls.”
Which has been Astrid’s first clue that something is up. Ruffnut does not ‘wear something nice’ to a frat party. Even though ‘something nice’ is, to Ruffnut, what others consider…provocative. When Ruffnut goes to a frat party she is there to get drunk and see where the alcohol leads her, not to look nice.
And tonight, Astrid has the same plans. But of course she didn’t account for Ruffnut Thorston.
“Here,” says Ruffnut, and picks up a skirt. It’s a relatively short, tight skirt that Astrid had planned on wearing if she and Hiccup ever managed to get their (and Ruffnut’s) schedules to line up.
“Fine,” says Astrid, “if it’ll make you shut up.”
After a couple minutes of bickering, Ruffnut convinces Astrid to wear a low cut baby blue tank top. They leave after a few minutes of Ruffnut trying (and failing) to convince her to not wear a bra. Tuffnut appears in the hallway just as Astrid is locking the door.
“Why do girls have to take so long getting ready?” he groans.
“Because we like to look nice, unlike most guys, like you,” says Ruffnut, gesturing to her brother’s general appearance.
The walk to the frat is short, though Astrid wishes she had brought a jacket. As they near the frat, Ruffnut, unnaturally loudly even for her, says,
“Alright, here we are! Astrid, can you put my phone in your purse?”
“Sure,” she says, taking Ruffnut’s phone.
The bushes rustle and she glances over her shoulder, then turns back to Ruffnut. Then she realizes who she just saw. Turns around. Nearly drops her purse, shoves it at Ruffnut, and throws her arms around Hiccup’s neck. His laugh comes breathy and hot against her neck, his arms wrapping tightly around her waist.
“Oh my God, you’re here,” she breathes, forehead pressed against his shoulder, breathing him in. “How did you— What—“ She turns without letting go of him. Now that she has him here, in her arms, she can’t bear the thought of not touching him. “Ruff, did you do this?”
“Thank my expert stalking skills,” says Ruffnut smugly.
“I also helped!” Tuffnut says.
“Thank you both!” Astrid says, surprising both hersef and the twins by hugging them. “Seriously, oh my God, thank you!”
“What she said,” says Hiccup as Astrid plasters herself to his side again. One of his hands strokes her back, looping her hair around his fingers.
The moment is interrupted by Snotlout blurting, “Hiccup?”
Hiccup’s hand stills. “Snotlout?”
Tuffnut looks between the two of them. “Wait, is Astrid’s boyfriend Snot’s cousin? Are you the inventor of Snotlout?”
“Uh, yeah,” says Hiccup. “You’re friends with my cousin?” he asks Astrid.
“I didn’t know Snotlout was your cousin!” says Astrid. “You always call your cousin—well, him, ‘my cousin.’ I’ve mentioned him before.”
He holds up his hands as if to defend himself (or calm down a wild animal). “You always say ‘my friends’ or ‘one of my friends.’ I didn’t even know Ruffnut was your roommate until she told me.”
Astrid sighs. “Fine. Well, meet my friends; Ruffnut, her brother Tuffnut, and your cousin Snotlout.”
“Hi,” Hiccup says, waving. What a dork.
“Alright, now that everyone’s introduced and re-introduced, let’s go inside,” says Tuffnut. “I demand a drink!”
Once they’re inside the house and in the kitchen, where drinks are being poured, Ruffnut leans closer to Astrod, whispering,
“He’s cute!”
Astrid glares. “Hands off, Ruff.”
Grinning gleefully, Ruffnut sing-sings, “Oh, jealous! I love that you’re jealous. You are officially ten times more fun, Hofferson.”
Astrid elbows her ribs and turns to pour herself a drink. Ruffnut slaps her ass in response, laughing at Astrid’s yelp, and wanders into the living room. Because he is a traitor, Hiccup just laughs and kisses the top of her head, instead of defending his girlfriend’s honor like a good boyfriend.
—
Around noon the following day, Ruffnut stumbles into her and Astrid’s dorm room. Clothes are strewn on the floor and on her bed, Astrid’s own bed a mess of twisted sheets, duvet half-way off the bed.
In it are two very naked people. Unfortunately, Ruffnut doesn’t get a look of Hiccup the Boyfriend’s butt (which looked very nice in his jeans), as the duvet manages to cover most of him. It’s Astrid, closest to the wall, who is most exposed, which, boring, Ruffnut has seen all that before!
She pokes Astrid’s shoulder as many times as it takes her to wake up. Astrid looks around groggily before spotting Ruffnut and, realizing her nudity, pulls her covers up to cover herself.
“I’ve seen all that before,” says Ruffnut, rolling her eyes. ”I figured you’d be up and running by now. ”You’re usually at the gym by now.”
Astrid glances meaningfully at Hiccup. ”You thought I’d be at the gym at 7AM with my boyfriend here?”
”He looks fit enough,” says Ruffnut, shrugging.
“Shut up, Ruff,” groans Astrid and pulls her duvet over her head
Rolling her eyes, Ruffnut grabs all the stuff she’ll need for the rest of the day. As she reaches for the door, ready to slip out quietly, Astrid appears from underneath the duvet to sit up, pulling the covers up with her to cover her chest.
“Thanks, Ruff,” she says.
“No problemo,” says Ruffnut. “Anything for another girlfriend, am I right?” She winks, tilting her head toward the still sleeping Boyfriend.
Astrid throws a pillow at her (which she catches expertly with minimal yelping). “Don’t expect another thank you. And I mean it this time.”
“Sure you do.” Ruffnut throws the pillow back, nearly hitting Hiccup if not for Astrid catching it beforehand. “Have fun!” she sing-songs as she leaves, waving over her shoulder.
—
You
ur welcome
Henry H Haddock
Thanks