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Head Like a Hole

Chapter 38

Notes:

In my mind, Adam's more of a classic rock kind of guy, but I brought this fic into the world on the backs of the bruised grunge, alt-rock vibes, and that's what we're going out on.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Adam was listening to the radio again. He did at least look up as Lucifer rapped his knuckles on the door to get his attention. Static crackled over the airwaves. If Eve’s voice was coming through, Lucifer couldn’t hear it.

“What’s up?” Adam asked, turning back to the broadcast.

“I just got off the line with Commander Lute.”

That had Adam’s head swiveling back around.

“She says she’s sorted things out in heaven, whatever that means, and is returning to hell shortly.”

In a flash, Adam lurched to his feet. “No!” He made a slashing motion with his arm. “No, she can’t—she doesn’t belong here. Tell her to stay the fuck in heaven. Tell her…tell her I don’t want to see her!” His jaw trembled as he spat the next words. “Tell her I’m sick of looking at her dumb cunt face!”

Lucifer just stood in the doorway, letting Adam unleash his little temper tantrum.

“She won’t believe me,” he said calmly. “You’ll have to tell her yourself, and even then, I doubt she’ll believe you. She knows you about as well as I do, I’d wager.”

Adam’s fists clenched. “Send her away, Lucifer. She doesn’t belong down here.”

Lucifer adjusted his bowtie. “She told me to give you a message.”

Adam blinked. “What’s the message?”

“She says…” He paused to recall the exact wording. She’d wanted it delivered very precisely. “What you said to her that night you ask her to stay with you…she’s making good on it.”

Adam’s face paled and a second later turned bright red. “That bitch.”

“So now I’m curious, because it came up before. What did you say to her that night?”

“Well that’s none of your fucking business.”

Lucifer shrugged. “I imagine I’ll be hosting Commander Lute here for the duration of her stay. It is my business…a little bit.”

Adam scratched at his arm, at the back of his head, distractedly looking around the room. “It was just…Sera was breathing down my neck and the paperwork and all this bullshit was piling up and I…I might have said…”

Lucifer leaned forward expectantly.

“I might have said I wanted to just fucking run away, the two of us. Go to the house at Paradise Shores and just…fuck off.” He folded his arms over his chest petulantly. “I didn’t mean it. It was just a stupid thought. And Lute talked me out of it real fast. It was just…it wasn’t anything. Can’t believe she even still remembers that.”

Lucifer nodded, taking that in. “I’m not sure how long it will be safe for her stay here—if heaven will come looking for her—but she’s welcome to stay as long as she wants.”

Adam watched him out of the corner of his eye. “She is?”

“What? You think I’m the jealous type?”

“I-it’s not like that,” Adam hurried to say. “Lute and I aren’t—we’re just…”

“It’s fine, Adam.” Lucifer pushed off from the doorframe and came up to Adam, draping his hands around his hips. “I’m not threatened by what you have with your lieutenant. She cares for you. I care for you. We already have so much in common.”

He leaned his head against Adam’s chest and felt him relax.

“Let Lute decide what she wants,” he said. “She’s a big girl. She can choose for herself.”

Adam nodded and folded his arms around Lucifer.

They stood like that for a long time, Lucifer feeling Adam’s presence and warmth, the part of his soul echoing back to him. It would never let him forget what he had given up for this man. He never wanted to forget.

In the background, the radio crackled.

“H̸̗́̇e̴̫͉̭͔̯̹̿̄̃͋̌͛̔ą̵̡̧̛͚̘̬̰͙͕̦̩̯̪̻̝͑̅͒̿̅̉͝d̴̗̗͙̮̼̥̈̒̾́̐̅̈̓͂́̈ ̸̢̛̤̳̩̙͔̓̃͋͂̓͐̍̊̓̒́̾̚͝ḻ̸̰̗͓͂̇͑̊͊̌i̸̢̢̥͉͓̥̍͑͂̓̀ķ̵̫͓̗̦̲̲̠͚̹͉̦̔͊̾̐̚ͅḝ̸̛͕̝͖̥̜͈̲̓̓͊̊͘͘͜͝ͅ ̷͓͉̥̺̣̔͂͆͂̔̃̍͘̕͝ȧ̸̡̛͇̭͙͔̝̳͈̥̫̔̅̉̍́̚̕͜͠ ̸̧͖̪͍͓̥̦͓̰̩̳̼͎̾͒̾͗͒͌̅̈́͘͜ͅh̷̤͍͓̙͓͔̰̯͈͙̮͐̔̐͗̊o̵̧̜͈̗͙͉͙͋̽͊͝͠͠ḽ̸̫̬͙̑̈́͆͒͒́͊̓͋̀͗̉̂̕e̴͉͕͉͉͓͈̳̣͐̂.̵̛͇̗̞͎̩͕͓̜̳̪̣̈́͌̄̒̐ͅ ”

Both of them turned at the garbled voice singing.

“B̸͓̪͗l̸̓͝ͅa̸̡͍̅̋͠c̶̜̜̃͐k̷̫͂̋̈́ ̴̭̞̠̀â̶̢͖̠s̴̹̖̒̾̿ ̴̮̞̜̓̾̏y̶̎̍͜͠ͅo̶̰̪̍u̷̱̗͔̿̈́̕r̵̭̿̋ ̸̭̊s̷̲͋̃͝o̶̳̠̗͛͠ủ̸̧ͅl̴̩̏.̶̣̒̍͊

Adam pulled away and leaned in closer to the speaker.

“I̶̼͗'̴̰̈́ḍ̴̃ ̵̙̚r̸̜̐ä̷́͜t̸̲́h̸̬̊ḙ̸̈r̶͖͝ ̶̼̌d̵̹̔i̵̙͠ē̶͎ ̶̮̎t̵̙̓h̶͙̆a̷̘̽ñ̸̫ ̸̲͐ǵ̶̱ï̸͚v̴̝̾e̶͉̚ ̸̯̌ẏ̸̤o̴̻̎u̸̧͌ ̶̱̀c̶̼͒ö̷̜́n̸̘̓t̸̯͒r̷͎̉o̶͈̓l̸̨͌.̵̛̤

It was definitely a woman’s voice, but so tinny it was almost unrecognizable.

Almost.

The worst of the static gave way, and the distorted voice roared:

 

“Head like a hole,
Black as your soul.
I'd rather die than give you control.”

 

Lucifer opened his mouth, and Adam made a soft hushing sound.

 

“Bow down before the one your serve.
You're going to get what you deserve."


Lucifer watched the radio with rapt attention, tensing. Could she break through? Or was this just the toothless echoes from the nowhere place she’d carved out for herself?

 

“Bow down before the one your serve.
You're going to get what you deserve."


“She wants me to know she’s still out there,” Adam said, answering Lucifer’s unspoken question. He leaned his forehead against the radio, even as the music continued to play. “I hear you, Eve,” he said into the speaker, with the defeated sigh of someone who knew they weren’t being heard.

Lucifer came up behind him and gently placed a hand on his arm. “You don’t have to do this to yourself, you know,” he said gently. “You don’t have to forgive her.”

“It’s not about that.” Adam turned from the radio with a sigh. “Honestly, I’m not sure I even want to forgive her. She set out to hurt me and…and she did.” He studied the carpet intently. “God, she did.”

Lucifer didn’t say anything as Adam wrestled with his thoughts.

“And then she dragged you and Lute into it. And that’s unforgiveable. But…”

Lucifer titled his head.

“But it’s not what she’s been punished for all this time.” He shifted his weight. “I tried to kill your daughter, remember?”

“I remember,” Lucifer said flatly.

“But you still helped me with this fucking curse thing anyway. Why?”

“Because you didn’t deserve it.”

“Right. And that’s…that’s how I feel about Eve.” Adam shot a look to the radio. “I don’t know. I’m having a hard time explaining it. I don’t really understand it. It’s just a feeling I have. I don’t want her to hurt the way she’s been hurting. Not for something that wasn’t her fault.” His voice dropped even lower. “Not for something that was even really wrong in the first place.”

Lucifer let them both have a few moments to process that.

Then he spoke. “You said you find this station by tuning into the one with all the screaming?”

Adam gave him a curious look.

“I have an idea that might be worth trying,” Lucifer said. “What song would you play for Eve, if you could?”

 


 

Adam came to get him as the sun went down. “It’s starting,” he said. “The screaming.”

Lucifer set down the duck he’d been working on—old habits die hard, but he truly felt he was on the edge of a creative breakthrough for the first time in years. That could wait, though. He followed Adam into the living room, where the radio was already on. There weren’t any screams he could hear, however. Just the gentle sound of a chiming clock over the airwaves.

“It always starts like that,” Adam said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

He plopped down into the chair. Lucifer took his now-usual spot on Adam’s lap.

The chimes rang again, and then there was a sound like a mild inhale.

“Good evening, gentle listeners.”

Lucifer’s teeth were on edge hearing that voice.

“This is your host, the impeccable Alastor the radio demon, and my do we have a special treat today.”

That mooch, that…insufferable asshole. One of these days, Lucifer was going to choke the smugness out of his voice. If Charlie wasn’t so fond of him, he’d have done it a lot sooner. Why was Eve’s voice coming in so close to his radio station? What did he want with Charlie, exactly?

“We had our very first caller today,” the radio demon continued with a sinister chuckle, almost as if he could read Lucifer’s thoughts. “Yes, indeed, a caller putting in a request for a song of all things.”

Adam looked to Lucifer. “You called in?”

“I have the number for the hotel,” Lucifer said, focusing on the radio. He made a note to go down to the hotel in person and deliver the same ultimatum he’d given Adam: Touch Charlie and kiss your ass goodbye. Very soon.

“Now,” Alastor said, “normally we don’t play such vulgar music as rock and/or roll on this station, but since this listener went through all the trouble to track down our number, I suppose I can make an exception. So without further ado, this particular song goes out to Eve, the mother of humanity.”

The chords of an electric guitar rang out on the airwaves, and Lucifer curled himself tighter in Adam’s lap.

 

“Everybody's got their problems.
Everybody says the same thing to you.
It's just a matter how you solve them,
But what else are we supposed to do?”

 

“This is the right song?” Lucifer looked to Adam for confirmation.

Adam nodded. “‘The Hell Song,’” he replied with a little chuckle.

 

“I feel I've come to realize
How fast life can be compromised.
Step back to see what's going on.
I can't believe this happened to you.”

“You think you’re going to reach her this way?” Lucifer leaned his cheek against Adam’s shoulder, running his fingers idly through Adam’s wings.

“Don’t know,” he said. “But I’m going to try.”

 

“Why do things that matter the most
Never end up being what we chose?
Now that I find no way so bad,
I don't think I knew what I had.”

 

Notes:

Songs in order of appearance:

"Head Like a Hole," by Nine Inch Nails
"The Hell Song," by Sum 41

 

Thanks you all for joining me on another bizarre journey. This one has been a wild ride for me. Writing this thing kept me sane this summer, you have no idea. Thank you all for leaving comments and kudos, and for generally just giving this fic a chance.

~Your friendly neighborhood anon, VW