Chapter Text
To her surprise, unlike all the other times she had been close with someone like that, Osha’s mind didn’t wander off somewhere far away when she kissed Qimir.
Usually when she got intimate with someone, – not that it had happened an awful lot in her past – she would kind of zone out, turn off her brain and live as just a body for a while. That was the primary reason she enjoyed kissing and all that followed so much in the first place, the not-thinking, the just-existing. But when her lips met his and he let out a somewhat strangled, almost surprised-sounding noise, whatever he had been doing to quiet her mind flipped off like a switch and Osha felt everything again.
All of the pain and the betrayal and the loss and the utter, torturous sense of directionlessness flooded back like a tidal wave threatening to pull her under and to dull it, she pushed her face against Qimir’s that much harder. She was breaking the resistance of his mouth by sheer determination, moving her tongue between his lips and tasting him. Through the jumble in her mind, she could make out a soft sigh, or even a moan in response but she was too busy deciphering his taste to linger on the sound he’d made.
He tasted like tea. He tasted very human, too, which oddly wasn’t a category she had classed him in since she found out who he was. She found that she liked thinking of him as a human, though. It made him less scary. It made what she was doing feel a little less reckless and debased.
If he was a human, she was merely making a little shortsighted mistake. If he was just human, she wasn’t kissing a dark sider, Sith, Jedi killer who she had no business even breathing the same air as. Then again, who had made those rules? What did she owe these people anyway?! She was not a Jedi. She was a human and he was a human. And she wanted to feel the heat in her body, pooling beneath her navel, shooting down to her most private places in exhilarating waves, not the pain that threatened to unravel her, gnawing at the barriers of her mind. She wanted to be just a body now and so she leaned in closer, kissing him more fiercely to chase that separation between sense and instinct his lips promised.
It worked. And instantly better when she felt his arms easily scoop her up to pull her closer. Finally Qimir had fully responded to her efforts!
She had no concept of time anymore but she thought it must have been two, three kisses until he finally grabbed her and the way his fingernails dug into her skin made her growl and bite his lip. Like a feral thing. Just as she needed to be in that moment. Brash and hungry and untamed. She thought he was grinning against her lips now and that made sense, didn’t it? He had said he’d wanted to unleash her, after all. And he’d wanted her desire. He could have it.
Osha wanted to burst, to forget everything. She wanted to ravage him and be ravaged. She wanted nothing to matter. He scratched her skin, which was when she noticed that he had pushed his hands under her shirt. In reply, she let go of his mouth, bit down on his neck hard and used his yelp of surprise to topple him over and straddle him. For a split second she caught his gaze, eyes wide open and pupils blown out, looking entirely black, but that moment made him look a bit too human for her taste, so she dove back in to assault his neck with kisses and licks and bites and busied her hands with his pants.
She knew he was fast and powerful – but she was rabid and just as fast as of this moment, which was why she had his pants undone too fast for him to even understand what was going on - if the gurgle from his throat and the jolting shudder of his entire body when she took him in hand were any indication.
“Osha,” he breathed and if she didn’t know better, she’d have thought it sounded needy – as if he hadn’t been touched in a long long time.
But he had been hiding among people forever as a potion maker and he obviously didn’t adhere to the Jedi custom of celibacy so she doubted that he did not have intimacy frequently. At the very least, the way he scratched her arms felt like he knew exactly what he was doing.
She didn’t answer him, instead she shoved him back down – for some reason he had bucked off from the bed – and, keeping her hand firmly around his length, she climbed between his legs. She didn’t even think before lowering her head down, taking all of him straight into her mouth.
She had always loved this. The power it gave her. What few times she’d been intimate with someone, she’d been fascinated by the amount of control people were willing to relinquish just for the pleasure of feeling a tongue dance across those sweet forbidden inches of skin. He tasted earthy, salty. Clean. She felt deliciously dirty. She took him deeper, until her throat closed around the tip of him and she had to breathe against the gag reflex. Funnily enough, above her, he sounded like he was choking, too. Osha used her hand to keep him firm in grip. She could kill him now, she thought. He was powerless underneath her.
His hand closed hard around her free arm at his side as if he’d heard her thought. He probably had – or at least followed the change in her energy. He made no move to stop her though. If it was because he did not care to die or because she had started to swirl her tongue around the tip of him, she didn’t know. She didn’t care either. She didn’t care about anything anymore. She didn’t want to think. In order to ensure that, she needed more. And he couldn’t die at her hand, at least not right now. Someday, perhaps, but not tonight.
She let go of him quite suddenly and by the time he noted her absence, she had already stripped out of her clothes so very swiftly and gotten back on the bed, straddling him once again. By the time his eyes flew open, she was already impaled on him, luxuriating in the feel of him being buried inside her to the hilt. She moaned, long and low and uninhibited, and started moving.
She didn’t look at him, though she could feel his eyes on her. She just threw her head back and rode him with a frantic pace, slamming her body down on his with wild abandon. She clawed at his chest, looking for purchase, wanting to hurt him a little, chasing the power to repay what pain he had caused, though in the back of her mind, she knew sleeping with him wasn’t quite as punishing as he deserved. But this wasn’t about him anyway.
He was her enemy. He was the worst thing in the galaxy. He was everything she had been brought up to be wary of, to stay away from. He was everything she had been taught to fear. But who had taught her that? And what was worse, really? Being bad to the bone and wearing that on your sleeve or acting like the good guys and then betraying you in secret?
Osha shook her head, she didn’t want to think, damn it. She picked up her pace. She thought that she was getting close. She wanted so bad to black out, if only for a moment.
When she was almost, almost just there… that was when Qimir finally took control – and she realized that he had just as much power over her as she had over him. And not just physically, which was disconcerting.
Because when he moved, he moved them both, flipped her over, and wedged himself between her legs. And it knocked the air out of her, the way her belly fluttered at the sight of him towering above her. Because she wasn’t scared of him then, she was hungry. His arms were toned and taut, his chest glistened ever so tantalizingly with a soft sheen of sweat, the pale lamp light making him look golden and so, so beautiful.
“Enough,” he commanded, bringing her attention back to his face. “You look at me now.”
For a moment, she didn’t understand. Because she had very much just been looking at him. Very closely.
It took a solid three heartbeats to understand that he had taken note of her not meeting his eyes before and another two heartbeats to figure that he’d felt slighted by it. Or… hurt. Fine. Whatever, she could look at his eyes. They weren’t half bad to look at either. So she fixed her gaze on his and as soon as he’d pushed into her once again, she bucked up to resume her previous speed, snapping her hips up to meet him.
“No,” he growled and pushed her hips right back down, holding her in place, immobile. “Look. At. Me.”
His words came out labored and he pulled out slowly, though not fully. Osha scrunched her forehead together. What was he doing? She wanted to forget herself, to leave the universe for just a damn second, why was he insisting on returning her to the moment?! To him? She clenched her jaw and turned her head away because she suddenly felt naked in a completely different way and she didn’t like it.
“Osha,” he whispered and then did something, tugged at the Force, tugged at her, and her head whipped back around against her will.
Now she had to look at him as he thrust back inside of her. So, so slowly. The invisible hold on her faded in the next instance – but then something replaced it that made it equally as impossible to look away. Something that was wholly Osha’s. Something real.
Qimir hovered over her, eyes locked on hers. With his free hand, he took hold of her thigh and tilted her hip up ever so subtly – it changed the angle, allowed him to push in deeper than before. He filled her completely, bore into her. But more so than his body, it was his gaze that penetrated her down to her very essence. His eyes were so soft. And this was such a shock, it stole Osha’s breath just as he buried himself inside of her once more.
The way he looked at her changed his whole face. It changed her whole sense of the moment. Of reality. Irrevocably. And she only understood this once it was already done.
Before, she had thought of him as violence personified. Violence and evil and temptation. But now he looked like freedom. And deliciously erotic, especially when he let go of her thigh, knowing she would keep herself propped up all by herself, and used one hand to pull his tunic over his head in an effortless motion, discarding his shirt to the ground somewhere. All the while never even missing a beat on his hips snapping back and forth, slow, deep and steady as the sea.
“Do you see me now?” He asked her and pushed even further.
Osha could only nod and shivered when he let his hand trail up her chest, grazing her breasts, up along her neck to cradle her jaw, run his thumb over her lips. His eyes had never left hers. Osha found it harder and harder to breathe. Closing her lips around his thumb softly didn’t help but what did it matter? She was pretty sure she was in the process of dying anyway. Nothing had ever felt like this. Not even the Force. Though that came closest.
Slowly but steady, Qimir went faster, keeping time with his breath. Osha was losing herself in his eyes, in this strange new world she now inhabited, so it surprised her when he suddenly gathered her up, still inside of her, and knelt so she ended up sitting on him, both of them upright. They were nose to nose then, both a little bit cross-eyed, still looking at each other, and they moved as if they were one and the same body.
“Touch me,” he whispered. “Please.”
Osha only closed her eyes to kiss him, simply because she couldn’t fight the sudden urge, and then she put both of her hands on his back as his grabbed her rear, pulling her onto him harder. She was not going to last now.
She had only just started to touch his thunder-bolt-shaped scar when he shuddered beneath her, inside her, letting out one last pathetic mewl as he came apart. She followed right after him a second later when Qimir bit down hard on her neck, desperate, like a dying animal.
Osha got her wish: she left the universe, left everything for a moment of complete release. Complete freedom . All she still felt was his skin against hers, like a tether to all that mattered. At the height of it, she knew she would never be the same. At the height of it, she knew something had became a reality in her soul that would remain there forever. Though that knowledge would need some time to fully settle and take root. For the moment, it was all a little bit too much.
Every hair on her body still stood up, even as they had detangled themselves from one another and both ended up on their backs, taking deep, steadying breaths. Osha waited for the galaxy to shift back into place again, as if what had just happened had been nothing but a weird dream. But everything remained brand new.
Well. Not every-everything.
“This doesn’t mean I’ll be you acolyte,” Osha stated just as soon as she trusted her voice.
The universe might have shifted on its axis, but she was still herself, and who she was, was stubborn to a fault. Qimir merely gave a breathy chuckle in return.
“I’m sure there’s a rule against this anyway,” Osha added, a little peeved at his reaction. “You can’t be the master of someone you’ve slept with.”
Qimir laughed fully now. “There are no rules for us, Osha.”
“I won’t be your pupil,” she insisted and turned her head to him the same exact moment he did, too.
“How about my equal, then? Who still has a little bit to learn.”
“I won’t obey your commands,” she promised.
“Well, if I recall correctly you just did, at least a couple of times,” he reminded her, a smug, tilted smirk blossoming on his face that made him look like the dim witted civilian he had pretended to be when they had first met. “You liked it then.”
“Qimir,” she warned him.
“The power of two,” he said softly, as if to appease her. “No rules. No one is forcing us to be master and pupil. – Just don’t betray me.”
“If you don’t betray me,” she said, not fully knowing what she was agreeing to, but also no longer willing to resist that strange new reality she found herself in. And the strange, strange comfort that came with it.
There was something so peaceful in that moment. That stillness he’d conjured up into her mind earlier, now felt like a part of her. She couldn’t forget the way he’d looked at her.
Do you see me now , he had asked.
Yes. She had. She had seen all of him – and whatever he was, he was hers now. And she was his. And there, in the stillness after their tryst, she decided she was alright with that.
It was an odd feeling, belonging to someone. She hadn’t felt that in such a long time. Not since Mae… and even then, it hadn’t felt like this. Mae had always remained somewhat of a mystery, even to Osha. Her other half, her second of one. She still could never truly know Mae, they were so different at their core.
But Qimir… he was like her. They wanted the same things. He went about it in ways she didn’t like but she couldn’t really blame him for wanting them. All he wanted was everything and that was what she wanted too. All she wanted was to not be alone. And he wanted that too. And now they’d want those things together. Whatever that meant going forward.
Osha was sure it would all become very scary in the morning. And very dangerous at any time after that. It might as well kill them both. But for now, it was the only true thing she knew.
As if he had heard her – or felt her feelings – Qimir gathered her up in his arms, put her head on his chest and there it was, under her ear, that heartbeat. Strong and real, a little bit irregular, but human. So human.
“Do you feel that?” He muttered and she nodded, cheek tingling from the little bit of his chest hair tickling it. “I’m going as deep as you can, Osha. I’ll love you completely. That’s all it really is.”
“The power of two?”
“The power of two,” he confirmed.
Desire.
Temptation. Corruption. The dark side.
That’s what this was, wasn’t it? That’s what they’d say if they knew. That this was abandon, it was madness, it was evil . And maybe it was. Maybe it truly was.
But for Osha, right now, it felt like daylight.