Chapter Text
I love you and your mother enough that I’ve tried my best to keep you both away from my crap. It hurt, letting the two of you go. If you ever find a love like that, you cherish it, you hear me, Jensen? You cherish it and you hold onto it, just like I did, unless circumstance forces you to turn it loose. Even then, you fight like hell first before giving it up.
With zero qualms, Jensen had let go of his apartment and moved in with Jared the week before, the day after the poker game. Jared had asked and Jensen had capitulated. Really didn’t make sense for him to continue paying for a place where he didn’t live most of the time.
Walking out their shared bedroom, then down the stairs, Jensen noted all the places where Jared had made room for him. Like the famed picture hung on the stairwell wall, right where the light hit it just right, that Jenna had drawn for Jensen when she was seven, a few days after Jack had died.
Since Jenna was the artist, Jensen loved the picture automatically. He’d always especially loved the detail of Jack being depicted with a golden halo hovering above his head. But the inclusion of Willie in the picture, too, holding hands with both Jenna and Jensen, was why it held the spot of Jensen’s favorite gift of all time that his baby sis had ever given him. The one he was going to make certain stayed in his possession forever and always.
That picture was just one of the many ways that Jensen’s integrated life with Jared was reflected throughout the house. Even if Jared would never know the additional man in that picture was Willie Pelligrino rather than Jack’s doctor.
There was a very big Willie sized secret between them. That Jensen didn’t know quite how to broach without revealing other, pertinent details of who he was and how he’d ended up there. When—if—the truth came out, Jared would immediately recognize that Jensen appearing in his life was no coincidence. Would immediately recognize that Jensen had been lying to him from day one.
Jared didn’t tolerate lies very well at all.
Each day, Jensen thought on how to solve his Mark created problem. He had yet to come up with a decent solution.
And Mark...
That was a whole other world of nastiness that needed to be dealt with. And quickly.
Jensen wasn’t really looking for Jared, however when he heard his muffled voice echoing through the half-shut door of the home library, Jensen pushed into the room. Back to Jensen, Jared was on his cell. He turned when he heard Jensen enter, however, and motioned for Jensen to come all the way in.
“I know,” he said to whoever was on the line. “Just because you only found out now doesn’t mean that you’re telling me anything that I haven’t known for a while.”
Unlike Mark’s home office, this library was done up in a way that left no question as to who dwelled here, who a person was dealing with. It was dark. Like Jared.
A solid cherry bookcase lined the long back wall, filled top-to-bottom with surprising classics by Dickens, Tolstoy, Orwell and Twain, along with various knickknacks, mostly of the disbanded weapon variety. There was also the occasional photo, which included one of Jensen, his mother and his younger siblings as well as one of Jared and Morgan during their happier times. One short wall of the room was a huge picture window overlooking a lake, while the other, which was an inside wall shared with the next room over, a half bath, was just plain, painted drywall.
The dark, brown couch, situated several feet in front of the bookcase, faced the most impressive wall of them all, the other long one, which was made up of a fireplace. The huge, black stone mantel took up the whole wall, with just enough space to the right of it for a cubby full of pre-chopped logs. It was between the fireplace and the small coffee table just in front of the couch where Jared stood as he continued on with a conversation that Jensen had all but tuned out.
“Pileggi, goddamn it, are you listening to me? Are you hearing what I’m saying to you?”
But that name was enough to capture Jensen’s attention. Pileggi was bad news and Jensen had truly thought he was rid of the man, at least for the moment. He met Jared’s eyes, dread coiling in his gut.
Held that intense hazel gaze even as Jared said, “I know exactly who he is.”
Jared knew.
Heart jack hammering in his chest, Jensen realized that he was being faced with a split second decision here. He could run, admitting guilt, which would undoubtedly lead to his death before he could even take two steps. Or he could stay and try to bullshit his way through this.
Jensen approached Jared. Because, despite what it sounded like, he actually wasn’t one hundred percent positive that his cover had been blown.
Maybe, just maybe, it hadn’t been. And that’s what Jensen banked on as he invaded Jared’s personal space. Got right up in his face. His hands settled on Jared’s hips and he guided him backwards. Jared’s knees buckled on meeting the edge of the couch, sending him down into a loose legged sprawl.
Jensen hiked Jared’s right leg up onto the supple leather cushion, then settled in the v of Jared’s open legs. Crawled up Jared’s body, stomach roiling the whole way with nervous agitation.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. I’ve—”
His comment was left unfinished as Jensen slid his thumb up Jared’s still smooth chin, over his bottom lip and into his mouth. Uneasiness made his voice a raspy wobble as he whispered, “Want you.”
With Jared fully focused on him, Jensen tugged the phone away from his ear, with no protest, and ended the call on a sigh of relief. He sat the phone on the coffee table, next to the gun and money Jared must’ve placed there earlier before Jensen had entered the room.
After giving Jensen’s thumb a strong suck, Jared pulled back, popping it out of his mouth. “Jensen—”
“Just let me, okay?” Jensen yanked Jared’s shirttail free of his slacks and pushed it up out of the way. “Wanna taste you right now, Jay.”
“Yeah, that’s good and all, and I’m all for it, but first we need to talk—”
“No talking.” Dropped down to his knees in front of the couch, Jensen pressed a kiss to Jared’s bared belly, then went to work on freeing Jared’s cock. Unbuckled his belt. Popped the pant’s button free of its hole. Zipper pulled down, he nuzzled his face against the parts of Jared’s boxer clad erection that he could reach.
Was able to take strength in the knowledge that even if he was in a fucked up situation right now, this was something he knew how to do. Sucking a dick, sucking Jared’s dick, giving Jared pleasure, was easy as breathing.
Sometimes Jared fell asleep after coming. Jensen was hoping and praying he did this time so that he had time to think this through. Could make his escape, if necessary.
“You’ve convinced me, no talking right now. But, Jensen? We will be having that discussion later.” Ass lifted off the couch, Jared slid both his pants and underwear down to the ground and kicked free of them. He took off his suit jacket, too, laying it across the back of the couch, but left his shirt on.
His erection strained up and away from his body and Jensen wrapped a hand around the base, steadying it as he licked clean the drops of precome that had welled out the slit. Lips wrapped around the large head, he tongued just beneath the crown for a moment, the bundle of nerves there, before removing his hand as he inched further down the shaft.
Jared’s cock nudged the back of Jensen’s throat and Jensen swallowed, taking in even more. All the way to the root. Something he knew drove Jared fucking crazy.
“Always so pretty, sweetheart.” Rhythmic, Jared’s hips rolled in a steady fucking motion. “Always so goddamn beautiful when you’re choking on my dick.”
Tears escaped Jensen’s eyes, tracking down his cheeks, just a few that he refused to think on, as he forced himself to stay in place. To hold Jared for as long as he could. He had to pull off eventually, coughing as Jared’s spit covered cock slid free of his lips. Soon as he was ready to take Jared in again, he sank all the way right back down.
But he did it slowly. So very slowly.
And held Jared’s gaze the whole way.
“Fuck,” Jared ground out, filling Jensen’s mouth with hot pulses of come.
Desperately, Jensen swallowed it all down. Didn’t let any go to waste. This may be the last taste of Jared he’d ever get.
Afterwards, Jensen kept Jared in his mouth until he softened. But, as Jensen had hoped, Jared didn’t fall asleep. No, instead he stroked his hands through Jensen’s short hair, over and over.
Hands that could kill. That had killed, on more than one occasion.
Soothing hands.
“At first,” Jared said, “I thought it was weird, that immediate spark of lust I felt when we first met.”
Their talk.
Jensen tried to pull away, but gave up when Jared hauled him into his arms instead. It was where Jensen wanted to be, even in this moment that might be leading up to his death, perplexing in its surprising tenderness.
“Then you know who I am.” Thinking back a couple weeks, to the night he’d killed his uncle’s man and Jared’s questions that had seemed weirdly pointed, like he’d been trying to make Jensen admit something specific, something that Jared already knew, Jensen asked, “Since when?
“The moment I laid eyes on you.” On feeling Jensen tense up, Jared said, “Relax. If I haven’t harmed you by now, then it should be more than obvious that I don’t plan on harming you at all.”
“How can I relax when you just basically admitted to knowing that I was sent here to kill you?”
“Because there’s trust between us, Jensen. Still growing on your part, I think, but it’s there. And more. After all, you’ve had plenty opportunity to take me out, but you’ve never tried once, have you. Have, in fact done the complete opposite.”
“So... you’ve known for months and have just been, what? Fucking with me this whole time? Goddamn entertaining yourself with the knowledge of who I am and that you’ve outsmarted me?”
“At first I didn’t know why you were there at Dani’s, I didn’t know that until later, not until Chad tracked down the guy responsible for sending in that meth head, but I will admit that I did know who you were. Knew then that I was meeting Willie’s son for the first time who I’d seen the proud papa pics of. My pseudo-little brother.” A chuckled rumbled through Jared’s chest. “Who I wanted to bend over the nearest flat surface and fuck senseless.”
“Who was...” Jensen stopped and swallowed down the lump that had taken up residence in his throat. It was time to ask the question that had been plaguing him nonstop, for months now. “Who was my father to you?”
“More father to me than my own ever was and there for me when JD couldn’t be.”
Ripped free of Jared’s grasp and on the other side of the couch, Jensen asked, “Then why did you kill him?”
“Did I?” After posing the question, Jared stood and pulled on his boxer briefs. “Do you truly believe that I killed him, Jensen? Or that I had him killed?”
No, Jensen didn’t. Hadn’t thought that for months. Not since that conversation with a shit faced Chad. “No.”
“But I do know who did, though,” Jared said, sitting back down, right next to Jensen. Without meaning to, Jensen found himself gravitating towards Jared, like he always did now. “And you do, too. Same person who’s tried to take us out two times now. Or, I should say, the two times that you know about.”
Jensen huffed in shocked disbelief. “There’ve been more attempts?”
“One every few weeks.”
“So, what you’re saying, is that night at Dani’s—”
“I’m saying that I wasn’t supposed to walk away from it and neither were you. I’m saying that you weren’t supposed to walk away from that restaurant and neither was I.”
“My uncle.” But it didn’t make sense. None of it did. “Why? Why all this? Why lie to me about you killing my father? Why ask me to infiltrate Defenestrates for revenge?”
Broad shoulders shrugged in a motion that Jensen felt rather than saw since his eyes were lasered on the black marble floor as his mind whirled, taking everything in, tried to solve this unsolvable puzzle. “I don’t know for sure. I don’t know Mark or how his brain works well enough to answer. I do know, however, that he was the one to kill you father, just so that he could take Willie’s place. Willie had grown suspicious his last few weeks that Mark was about to make such a move.”
“But why not just leave me ignorant in Texas and kill me there, if all he wanted was my death to begin with?”
“Far as I can figure? Probably because he found it amusing bringing you into the very life that Willie had tried so hard to keep you out of. Setting you, Willie’s bio son, on a mission to kill me, his unofficially adopted one. All the while, he entertained himself by trying to kill the both of us. Just like playing a fucking game to him. And I should never have—I’ve made mistakes in how I’ve handled this, bringing you in even further when I knew it was the last thing Willie would have ever wanted. But, what’s done is done and...” Jared stopped, cleared his throat. “Mark hated your father and he hates you just because of who you are, just because you’re your father’s son. You’re the crown prince. You’re a threat.”
“Okay,” Jensen said. “I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it. What I don’t get is you. How do you fit into all this?”
“Me? Well, I’m the biggest threat of all.” Catching Jensen’s chin between his forefinger and thumb, Jared turned Jensen’s head towards him. Forced Jensen to look into his eyes and hold contact long after he would’ve looked away. “I was as much Willie’s confidant as he was mine. He told me things that he’d never dared tell another soul.”
“Things like how he had a secret son.”
“That, among other things.” Jared let Jensen go, though Jensen remained in the same position, exactly as he had been, facing Jared. Staring at him. “Things that would have Mark on the run if I ever opened my mouth as others would be gunning for him on principal alone. Including most of his own people.”
Only two sins were enough to disgust the underworld in whole, homosexuality and turning state’s evidence. One was an issue to be dealt with within each faction. The other? It possessed the power to universally unite everyone against a common enemy for fear of the ripple effect once a bird started singing a pretty song with too many words. “He’s flipped.”
A nod confirmed Jensen’s suspicion. “Pileggi is an unreliable piece of shit when it comes to deciding one way or the other if he’s going to be on the side of the law or on my payroll, but the information he provides is always gold. Willie clued me in that Mark was maybe up to some shady shit, but it was Pileggi who came through with the verification, just like he’s done a million times with a million other things in the recent past since he’s started taking my money.”
Like Riley Thomas’s location, no doubt...
Like the whereabouts, eventually, if not already shared, of Jared’s friend who’d singlehandedly brought down the Morgan Family...
Like how he’d approached Jensen, how he’d hounded him, how he’d tested him...
Like Jensen’s identity, which Jared had already known...
And like who’d truly executed Willie Pelligrino.
“I’m going to kill him,” Jensen said after a few, long seconds of silence.
“And I’ll be there right by your side when you do,” Jared promised.
Leaning forward, Jensen breathed in Jared’s air for a moment. Then he pressed their lips together in a kiss that sealed their deal. Made it into an unbreakable vow.
Jensen was in it deep now. In too deep to ever back out. And it was Mark’s underestimation of him, his ignorance on just how far Jensen was willing to go in retaliation for his father, that would one day be the cause of his death.
All in, son. You’ve gotta be willing to go all in or you tell our family to fuck off the day they knock on your door. You tell them to fuck off and you stay out the life. Stay far, far away from it. There is no halfway in this. Halfway is just a goddamn pipe dream.