Work Text:
Pressing her thumb between her eyebrows hard enough to hurt and squeezing the phone in her hand until she could feel its case making indents in her fingers, Caitlyn fought the urge to scream.
For reasons mainly having to do with her boss’s casual and grating sexism, her department’s weekly call was taking more mental energy than she had to spare.
It was difficult under normal circumstances to be circumspect about her job when someone who outranked her was both sexist and a fucking moron, but today, it was proving nearly impossible.
Rolling her shoulders, Caitlyn grit her teeth against the sensation of overly stiff fabric pulling, restricting her movements, and her toes flexed against polished hardwood flooring as she made every attempt to ground herself a bit in her body, in the moment, in some bearable aspect of this experience.
The ridge of the phone pressed into the cartilage of her upper ear as her boss’s voice droned on and Caitlyn fought against the urge to scream, and the urge to throw something, and the urge to rip her too-tight, too-restrictive clothes from her body, and then…
Then, her boss said the horrible, completely unnecessary words Caitlyn had known were coming for the past few weeks of long hours - made longer by his incompetence - and she sucked in a breath, listening to his insipid explanation and the dismay of the other staff on the call. She listened to her marching orders, including ones that would affect her carefully trained staff, to which she managed to say…something affirmative, and then the overly cheerful goodbyes chirped down the line, and Caitlyn was pressing the red button on her phone screen too violently, her movements uncoordinated, and…
She slammed the infernal device down on her desk, gripping the edge of it as she took harsh breaths, conscious of the fact that they were speeding up but unable to do anything to slow down as her thoughts spun and her skin crawled and her ears rang with all the unfairness and the bullshit she was just expected to put up with…
She stood jerkily, looking around the room for something, anything to make this unbearable storm of feelings and sensations and thoughts stop…
Finding nothing, a frustrated cry ripped out of her chest, and she swept out her arm, catching and gripping something colorful and hard with her hand before throwing it to the ground, where it broke with a crashing clatter, flinging brightly colored pieces across the floor of her office in a chaotic, plasticky cascade.
Breathing harshly, the room suddenly too still, Caitlyn stared blankly at the empty space on the shelf and then turned slowly to see the damage she’d done.
Looking down at the destroyed LEGO Artemis Space Launch System she’d excitedly spent nearly eight hours building, hot tears welled up and spilled over, her chest caving in as the realization of what had happened dawned, bringing with it the familiar mix of self-hatred and recrimination.
Sinking to the floor amid the wreckage, Caitlyn sobbed. Her clothes were still too tight and nothing at work was solved, and now…now she’d gone and ruined something she loved.
Caitlyn squeezed her eyes shut, curling into herself, trying to be small enough that she might not cause any more fucking problems.
______
Vi hummed the chorus to a stupid pop song that had been stuck in her head all fucking week as she fished in her pocket for her keys, finding them - and the shiny new key to Caitlyn’s apartment on her keyring - before unlocking the door and stepping inside.
Looking around as she shrugged out of her jacket and hung it on the hook by the door, Vi was surprised to see that there weren’t any lights on.
“Cait?”
Vi frowned as she looked around more - this time looking for Caitlyn to see if she was actually home. She’d been pulling a lot of late shifts at work lately, but it was like two in the morning - she should be home by now.
Even if she’d gone to bed, Caitlyn always left the lamp by the couch on so that Vi didn’t trip over anything if she decided to come over after a shift at the club.
Trying again, Vi called, “Cupcake?”
When she, again, didn’t get an answer, Vi kept her boots on.
She’d mop later.
If there was somebody here who wasn’t supposed to be here, Vi wanted her steel-toed boots on.
She walked through the apartment slowly, flipping on lights when she passed the switches, and didn’t find Caitlyn in the bedroom or her bathroom, and she wasn’t in the kitchen - nobody else was here, either, which was good - she walked toward Caitlyn’s office, and when she didn’t hear talking, she turned the handle of one of the French doors, slowly pushing it open to the sound of a soft sniffle.
“Cait?” Vi asked gently, pushing the door open a little more.
A louder sniff was the only answer, and then when Vi got the door open enough to step in, her foot slipped a little on something hard that crunched.
Weird.
Caitlyn kept her office fucking spotless.
“I’m gonna turn on the light, okay?”
Vi could understand why Caitlyn would want to be alone if she was crying, but she was goddamn well gonna check on her, and she didn’t want to slip on–
The light - which Vi had dimmed as far down as she could - turned on, revealing LEGO shrapnel on the floor, and the empty spot on the shelf where Caitlyn had put her newest set after she’d gotten done assembling it a few weeks ago, right before shit hit the fan at work.
Caitlyn was curled into a little ball at the edge of the blast zone, arms wrapped around her legs and forehead ducked into her knees.
“Oh, Cupcake.”
Vi’s chest fucking hurt as she picked her way across the floor, trying not to crush anything or fall on her ass.
Crouching down when she reached her girlfriend, Vi didn’t hesitate to reach out and set a hand on her slightly sweaty back, but she worried maybe she should have hesitated a moment later, when Caitlyn turned her head away as she sniffled again.
“Hey,” Vi started, trying to keep her voice as soft as possible, “how long you been sittin’ here?”
Caitlyn took a shaky breath, and her voice was muffled as she replied, “I don’t know.”
Vi looked around the office, seeing that Caitlyn’s laptop was still open, and her briefcase was still leaned up against her desk, instead of where Caitlyn put it by the front door every night, which meant that Caitlyn hadn’t done…any of her after-work routine, which probably meant that she also hadn’t eaten dinner.
Rubbing Caitlyn’s back with slow, firm strokes that she hoped wouldn’t tickle her, Vi asked, “Are you hungry?”
A few seconds passed, and Caitlyn nodded, her hair dragging on her knees with the way her head was still turned away.
Breathing in deep, Vi tried again, hoping that she was doing this right - or at least wasn’t making it worse. “Last question for now, I promise,” Vi told the back of Caitlyn’s head, “will you look at me?”
She’d respect it if Caitlyn didn’t want to, but she was just…she was just really fucking concerned.
In the entire time they’d been dating, she’d never seen Caitlyn cry, and so finding her in the fucking dark with prized LEGO pieces all around her was just…it was just new and fucking awful, and she didn’t know how to make it better, and she needed Caitlyn to look at her.
Slowly, Caitlyn’s head turned, but only so her forehead was buried in her knees again.
Okay, progress.
Very carefully, Vi eased herself to the floor to sit, because crouching was starting to hurt her knees and she didn’t know how long they’d be down here.
After she’d been sitting with Caitlyn for a bit, still rubbing her back and listening to her sniffles become less frequent, Vi tried one more time. “Cupcake?”
When Caitlyn spoke, her voice was smaller than Vi had ever heard it. “I don’t…I don’t want you to see me like this.”
Even though she knew the situation was serious, Vi tried a little bit of humor. “I promise I’ve seen worse than a little snot, Cupcake.”
Vi had seen worse than a little snot.
Way worse.
Caitlyn knew that - had known it for a while. Vi had had a few nightmares since they’d started actually staying over, and Vi had been embarrassed as all hell about it, but also filled with stupid, warm, fuzzy feelings when Caitlyn held her while she shook and babbled about the horrible shit she’d seen in her dreams.
She hadn’t ever felt more cared for than when, the day after her first nightmare in Caitlyn’s bed, her girlfriend added a galaxy projector to her bedroom to go with the glow stars.
It didn’t keep Caitlyn up, but it cast enough light for Vi not to wake up terrified in the dark.
And she hoped that Caitlyn would let her see so she could do something, like Caitlyn had done something for her.
A minute later, it seemed like maybe her stupid joke had worked, because Caitlyn slowly turned her head, letting Vi see the tears caught in her eyelashes and her red-flushed face.
She was a little snotty, but still beautiful. Still the person Vi wanted to see on good days and bad days and days in between.
“Hi,” Vi whispered, sliding her hand up to gently tuck a few stray strands of hair behind Caitlyn’s ear.
Caitlyn’s small smile was a little pained-looking, but at least it was a smile.
Still keeping her voice low, Vi told Caitlyn her plan to make this hopefully-not-worse. “So,” she started, “How about you shower while I make us something to eat?”
Caitlyn thought about it for a minute, and her eyes were big and blue and less sharp than they usually were as she processed the plan.
After another minute, in that small voice that made Vi want to wrap her in fucking bubble wrap, Caitlyn just said, “Okay.”
“Okay,” Vi repeated, smiling at her again, and Caitlyn’s answering smile was more than a little heartbreaking.
Before she could think too much about whether it was the exact right thing to do, Vi carefully got her feet under her enough that she could pull Caitlyn into her arms and stand up.
It said a lot about how bad Caitlyn must have been feeling that she didn’t protest being carried, bridal style, away from the LEGO disaster and into her bathroom.
Vi flipped on the lowest light as she walked into the bathroom before she set her girlfriend on the counter and then got the shower turned on to a good temperature.
Vi slapped her pant leg a couple times to get the water off her hand, and then moved over to Caitlyn, who was still just sitting exactly where Vi’d set her on the counter, long legs dangling and gently swaying back and forth.
She just looked…wrung out.
Vi didn’t say anything as she stepped close enough to reach for the buttons on Caitlyn’s work shirt, catching her eye and looking meaningfully at her hands on the top button, waiting for Caitlyn’s tiny, tired nod before she started undoing them.
Carefully, Vi helped Caitlyn out of her clothes and into the shower, closing the steamed-up glass door softly behind her as Caitlyn started robotically going through the motions of getting clean.
Deciding that she could take an extra second before she started on food, Vi pulled the lighter out of her pocket and lit the few candles Caitlyn had scattered around her bathroom, and then she grabbed the bath towels off the bar, as well as Caitlyn’s neatly folded pajamas, a clean pair of underwear, and some socks out of the closet, and went and threw everything in the dryer.
She figured she had at least twenty minutes before Caitlyn was done - plenty time to get a good start on food.
______
Caitlyn sighed, tilting her head back into the shower spray and letting the stream of water comb through her hair and pound on her shoulders.
She was done with the business of actually getting clean, but it felt a bit like sanctuary from her problems to stand here under the water.
When she decided that she was feeling slightly more human, and also that she could no longer reasonably hide in the shower while her very thoughtful girlfriend made them food, Caitlyn set her hand on the handle for the temperature control and twisted it to turn off the shower.
After using the squeegee to ensure that she didn’t top off her shit day by leaving any hard water stains she’d have to deal with later on the glass, Caitlyn reached out of the shower to grab a towel, freezing in place when her hand met the dry terry cloth.
Rubbing the material between her fingers, Caitlyn pondered it for only a second before she pulled the warm towel into the shower to dry off.
The warm, soft fabric felt wonderful, and Caitlyn stepped out of the shower, now dry and feeling…a lot of things.
If she weren’t already out of tears, the sight of the slightly lumpy, towel-wrapped bundle on the counter - right where she usually put her pajamas - might have done it.
Sneaking suspicion confirmed as she lifted the edge of the towel, Caitlyn folded it back over to keep its contents warm while she completed the rest of her post-shower routine.
In the warm, flickering light from the few candles scattered around her bathroom, Caitlyn dried her hair, put on moisturizer, and tried to make it look as though she hadn’t absolutely lost the plot a few hours ago. She was still feeling a bit overwhelmed, but, now, mostly, she just felt a little confused and incredibly cared for.
The latter feeling grew stronger as she pulled on warm pajamas and fuzzy socks before taking a deep breath and padding into the kitchen to face the woman who’d now officially seen her at her worst.
______
Vi smiled at the sight of a sleepy, loose-limbed Caitlyn coming into the kitchen.
Her fingers were folded together up near her diaphragm, and Vi could see her fidgeting, but otherwise she didn’t look like she was too spooked.
Vi was glad she hadn’t done something like bailed out the window, or locked herself in her room and gone straight to bed. It wasn’t fun to have other people around during a vulnerable moment - Vi fucking hated having anybody see her having her stupid feelings; she usually just went straight to the private coaching room at the boxing gym and whaled on a heavy bag until she felt less like shit…or until she got too tired to feel anything. But she wanted to be here for Caitlyn.
In her peripheral vision, Vi watched Caitlyn very tentatively ease onto a barstool at the kitchen island and sit there, her hands now fidgeting on top of the counter.
Vi didn’t say jack about Caitlyn being upset or ask her how she was feeling, she just told her, “Food’s almost ready.”
A few minutes later, Vi heaped a bunch of food on a plate and slid it across the counter to her. “You want ketchup?”
Caitlyn didn’t answer her. She just stared blankly at the plate of food, and Vi felt her heart kick into an anxious rhythm, nerves making her feel like she needed to run or shake her hands out or apologize–
“You…”
Vi waited, watching Caitlyn’s eyebrows pull together in confusion.
“There are small utensils on this plate.”
“Didn’t want to make your day worse by giving you the Big Spoon.”
Caitlyn flicked her eyes up for half a second, and then went back to looking at the plate. “You made dinosaur chicken nuggets.”
“You like dino nuggets.”
“And macaroni and cheese.”
“You like mac and cheese.”
“I know I like dino nuggets and mac and cheese. How in the hell did you even…”
Still anxious about fucking this up, Vi didn’t finish Caitlyn’s sentence or ask what she meant.
Caitlyn shook her head, waving at her and the kitchen and the plate, and then looked up, and her face was halfway to something like pain when she asked, “How did you even know that this was a good thing to make?”
Helpless and so stupid in love with the woman sitting at the counter in her pj’s, looking like she’d been through hell, Vi pulled her phone out of her pocket and held it up, confessing. “I uh…I have a list of your safe foods in my phone.”
Caitlyn’s shocked expression was almost funny. “You what?”
“And, you know, like…stuff you like and don’t like, and your work schedule…”
It was like her girlfriend had turned into a statue.
Vi shoved her phone back in her pocket and awkwardly rubbed the back of her neck as she explained, “I uh…I forget things sometimes - all the boxing didn’t do great for the ol’ memory. And I just…don’t want to forget the important stuff.”
Caitlyn worried her lip with her teeth, still not saying anything, and Vi fought the urge to explain or apologize or make a stupid joke.
Finally, Caitlyn said, very quietly, “Thank you.”
Anxiety finally clearing a little, Vi took a deep breath.
“So, ketchup?”
______
Caitlyn finished her last bite of food, chewing slowly, and before she could gather the dishes to do them, her plate was gone from in front of her.
“Vi. You cooked, I’ll do the dishes,” Caitlyn tried to insist.
“I got it, Cupcake,” Vi assured, and so Caitlyn stayed where she was, watching Vi make quick work of their few dishes.
She was still sort of…processing. She was definitely processing the day and her meltdown overall, but Vi caring for her was a new element that she just wasn’t really sure what to do with.
It was starting to sink in a bit that Vi hadn’t gone running when she’d found Caitlyn in her office with a destroyed LEGO set, and Caitlyn was slowly finding that she was…enjoying this a little.
Frankly, being cared for like this was nice.
Vi hadn’t demanded to know if she was okay, she hadn’t told her she was silly, she hadn’t told her to get it together, she hadn’t done anything but help her through the things that actually did make her feel better.
“What do you think about ice cream and a movie night?” Vi asked, and Caitlyn felt herself frown.
Even if it was nice, she still found herself a little suspicious of why Vi was being so kind about all this.
“You’re being very nice about this,” Caitlyn told her, instead of answering, because, even if this was nice, really, she couldn’t work it out.
She’d expected Vi to take one look at her and head for the hills, if she was being honest with herself.
She hadn’t expected her to stay.
She hadn’t expected anything but predictable disappointment.
They’d been dating for a while, but Caitlyn had been doing her best not to let too much of her disability show. It didn’t usually go very well when people saw her struggle. They didn’t understand it.
But, here Vi was, a witness to the worst meltdown Caitlyn had had in years, and she didn’t seem particularly bothered.
Vi shrugged. “You had a shit day. Is there a reason why I wouldn’t be nice about it?”
Watching Vi’s face for signs of what emotion she might be feeling at the moment, Caitlyn noted her furrowed eyebrows, and the tap of her hands on her thighs.
Confusion. Nerves. Excess energy that Vi always seemed to have in spades. But she didn’t seem to be upset about the blunt statement.
“People usually aren’t very nice about…um…that.”
It was true.
She’d had a meltdown when she was still together with her ex-girlfriend caused primarily by extreme overstimulation at a party after she’d forgotten her headphones, and her ex had called her childish and dramatic when she’d ended up locking herself in the bathroom and then needing several days after the fact to recover.
Vi watched her for a minute, looking like she wanted to say something, and when she finally did, Caitlyn was surprised by what she chose to say.
“We don’t have to talk about it, but I’m here if you want to.”
Fiddling with her fingers, Caitlyn thought about the shame she felt whenever she couldn’t keep herself under control - the shame she often felt about being different, in general - and she thought about how understanding Vi had been, not just today, but from the very first night they’d met.
And she decided that…for once, she did want to talk about it. Even if this was finally too much, finally the thing that made Vi return her new key, walk out the door, and not come back…she wanted to talk about it.
“I um…how much do you know about the–” Caitlyn scratched at her hairline, searching for the right words, “--the emotional regulation difficulties associated with autism?”
Vi shook her head. “Not a ton. I know that you have trouble with the uh, overstimulation and stuff, and with being off your routine. And Pow’s got some similar things about too many sounds, or something unexpected happening.”
Nodding, Caitlyn confirmed what Vi had said, but added a bit on. “Due to the way autistics process things, the…well, just the world itself can be very overwhelming. And it can be very challenging to deal with change, or, in this case, just…a conglomeration of a bunch of different things. I, well, I’ve been a bit off my workout routine, and my boss is a sexist, homophobic moron, who informed us that there would be budget cuts and therefore layoffs, which are not actually necessary, but are happening because he’s an idiot who can’t manage the program effectively, and ordinarily if I suspected that it was going to be a rough week, I’d wear my more comfortable work clothing, but all of it is dirty, so I ended up having to wear clothes that make my skin crawl, and I just…I could feel it all spilling over, and I couldn’t stop it.”
Guilt squeezing at her chest from the list of things that she could have - should have - done something about, Caitlyn waited for Vi’s judgement.
Instead, Vi continued to be just as surprising as she had been for the entirety of their relationship.
“I get that.”
“I wasn’t finished,” Caitlyn added, needing Vi to understand just how bad it was, “I couldn’t stop it, and I melted down completely and broke…” Caitlyn swallowed, unable to finish the sentence.
“Your Artemis model?” Vi finished quietly. Kindly.
“...yes.”
Vi nodded slowly, processing, and Caitlyn felt shame creeping back in, making her want to curl in on herself like she had earlier.
She knew better.
She should have done better.
“You had a really fucking rough week and you got overwhelmed,” Vi summed up, leaning back on the counter.
“Yes, but I also was destructive.”
The moment she’d looked down and seen all those LEGO pieces strewn across the floor of her office came back to her, and Caitlyn swallowed hard, trying not to cry.
“I mean…I won’t say it’s a good thing that you were destructive. It sucks, yeah, but that set can be rebuilt. I’m just glad you didn’t get hurt.”
Not really knowing what to say to that - to any of it: Vi’s gentle care, her understanding, her listening, or her easy acceptance of something Caitlyn had a hard time accepting herself, though it had been her reality all her life, Caitlyn took a deep breath and just said, “Ice cream and a movie sounds perfect.”
Vi’s smile made Caitlyn feel lighter than she had all day.
______
Caitlyn woke in the morning to find that Vi had risen before her, and apparently made coffee and what smelled suspiciously like brown sugar cinnamon pop tarts.
Swallowing against her still-scratchy throat, she flipped the covers back and headed for the bathroom to get ready for work.
Dreading wearing another impractical outfit since she hadn’t had a chance to wash her clothes, she decided that perhaps she should pick out her outfit first today, so that she could use the rest of her morning routine to get used to the idea–
Caitlyn blinked at the little counter inside her closet and the clothes folded on top of it.
Vi had done laundry.
There was even an outfit set off to the side - her trousers with the elastic waistband, a soft tank top, the “granny panties” Vi had teased her for when she’d first seen them - and then promptly made her aware that she thought were just as appealing as any of her other underwear - and a soft, tagless bralette were stacked together, and she could see her looser-fitting blazer hanging up, as well.
Mechanically, Caitlyn picked up the little stack and went into the bathroom to take care of everything required to get ready for work.
She was running on less sleep than usual, but other than that, she felt fairly normal. The migraine and aching pit in her chest that haunted her the day after a meltdown were notably absent.
Worried that she might become overwhelmed and leave Vi to find her sobbing - happy, confused tears, this time - in the bathroom, Caitlyn didn’t spend too much time considering why she felt alright this morning.
It took her a predictable twenty minutes to get ready, but a glance at the clock told her that she was running a little later than she’d have liked.
She wouldn’t have any time to start the dreadful task of remedying the disaster she’d caused last night before she left for work. She’d barely have time to eat before she left, if she was to be on time, which seemed like a good idea, given that she didn’t want to end up being a casualty of her boss’s poor management skills.
Walking into the closet to pick out a comfortable pair of slip-on loafers, Caitlyn made quick work of putting those on and also grabbing her blazer before she walked out into the kitchen to find out what the racket she could hear was all about.
And also to thank the woman who had apparently not left in the dead of night after deciding she wanted to be with someone who had fewer issues.
What she found was Vi in her underwear and a loose t-shirt with the sleeves cut out, back muscles flexing as she poured something from a blender.
Clearing her throat lightly, hoping not to startle her, Caitlyn was suddenly anxious to see Vi for the first time in the morning light after such an intense evening.
When she turned, her usual, infectious grin was in place, and Caitlyn could see that she was pouring a smoothie into a travel cup.
“Mornin’, Cupcake,” Vi greeted, setting down the blender and twisting a top on the cup before walking over and setting it with…
Caitlyn blinked, swallowing hard.
Vi had packed her a lunch. And coffee. And apparently a smoothie–
“I know you’re not huge on smoothies, but I figured eggs were a no-go today, and the pop tarts aren’t gonna be enough food, so it’s as plain as I could get it - strawberries and vanilla protein powder.”
“You–” Caitlyn stuttered out, completely lost for words. “I–”
“Everything okay?” Vi asked, walking over and reaching for her, concern creasing her forehead.
Caitlyn shook her head, setting her hands on Vi’s shoulders and holding her still so she could try to explain when Vi’s expression crumpled.
“Everything is lovely, but I’m…I’m very confused.”
Vi looked about as confused as she felt. “About?”
Sighing, Caitlyn stepped in closer and pulled Vi into a hug, snuggling closer when one of Vi’s arms looped comfortably around her waist and a warm hand slid comfortingly up and down her back.
“Are you aware that you’re wonderful?” Caitlyn asked, the words muffled into Vi’s shoulder.
Vi’s laugh shook her, and Caitlyn smiled, burying her face farther in the solid muscle, absorbing Vi’s quiet, solid strength and seemingly endless patience.
She hadn’t left.
She was here.
She wanted to be here.
“Hmm,” Vi hummed, thoughtful, kissing her on the temple, “You’re pretty wonderful, too, you know.”
Caitlyn made a dubious noise, chuckling when Vi gave her a quick, jolting squeeze in answer.
“Alright,” she sighed, regrettably pulling away. “I need to get to work.”
Vi smiled at her, rubbing her upper arms with solid, firm pressure. “Have a good day, Cupcake.”
Caitlyn pressed her lips together, clearing her throat before leaning down and kissing Vi, cradling her beautiful, slightly uneven jaw and trying to communicate with words she didn’t have just how much this all meant to her.
Pulling back, Caitlyn stroked her thumb over the little, inked VI on her cheek. “Thanks to you, I just might.”
______
Vi shut the door behind Caitlyn, flipping the lock and taking a deep breath.
She was glad she’d been able to make her girlfriend’s morning a little easier.
And…now…
Vi walked into the kitchen and grabbed her phone, clicking over to the contact she needed.
He picked up after three rings.
Vi pinned her phone between her ear and her shoulder and grabbed the blender as she turned on the sink. “Hey, I gotta call in a sick day.”
______
Caitlyn slipped her key into the lock, turning it with a sigh before she pushed open the door to her apartment.
She was tired, but today hadn’t been as awful as it could have been.
The lunch bag slung over her arm reminded her of exactly why that was.
When she was feeling a little better, she wanted to do something to properly thank Vi for how thoroughly she’d cared for her. For now…she had an unpleasant task ahead.
Vi was sitting on the couch when she walked in, playing a video game in the same clothes she’d been wearing this morning.
It wasn’t… entirely out of the ordinary, but it was a little odd that Vi had come over so early. Her instructing job at the boxing gym and her bartending job at the club often meant that she was either up incredibly early or out incredibly late.
“Hey,” Vi greeted with a grin, fingers still working the buttons on the controller.
Caitlyn walked past the couch, leaning over the back of it to kiss Vi, who kept her eyes on the screen but leaned a little to the side with puckered lips.
It was, frankly, adorable. And Caitlyn appreciated that Vi always acknowledged her when she got home, even if she wasn’t quite at a stopping point with whatever she was working on.
Moving along toward the kitchen, Caitlyn deposited everything she was holding on the counter to deal with later and went to commune with her coffee maker.
She’d need some extra caffeine for this evening’s activity.
She wasn’t excited about another late night - it really wasn’t helpful to be off her routine - but, she’d weighed the consequences, and she was positive that leaving the disaster in her office was going to be more detrimental to her mental health than a few hours of lost sleep.
In the time it took for the coffee to be ready, Caitlyn managed to wash her face and change into soft, comfortable clothes, pin her hair up out of her face in a claw clip, and retrieve her glasses from her briefcase, since she’d need them for the task ahead.
Pouring some milk into her coffee and then dumping the whole concoction over the ice she’d put in a leak-proof drinking vessel, Caitlyn looked around the kitchen and found that there wasn’t anything else to do. There wasn’t any reason to put off her task.
Squaring her jaw, Caitlyn nodded at her handful of provisions, and turned to walk past the couch, kissing Vi on the cheek this time. “I’m going to disappear for a few hours. Maybe we can have dinner when I take a break, if you haven’t eaten?”
Vi nodded, slightly distracted, and Caitlyn rolled her eyes fondly, yelping quietly when Vi apparently decided she only needed one hand for the controller and reached the other back to cup her jaw and pull her in for a proper kiss.
“Sounds perfect, Cupcake,” Vi told her when she pulled back a few very intense moments later.
Over as quickly as it had begun, Caitlyn had to use the back of the couch to steady herself a bit before she could continue on her way.
How she’d gotten so incredibly lucky, she truly wasn’t sure.
They hadn’t quite said it yet, but…given some time to think on the subject during downtime at work today, Caitlyn had realized that the debate she’d been having for a few months that she really did want to tell Vi how she felt.
And, given Vi’s kindness last night and this morning, Caitlyn was actually starting to believe that Vi might not run if she knew the truth.
Pushing aside that thought so that she doesn’t do something silly like return immediately to the couch and blurt it out before Vi even had the chance to pause her game, Caitlyn shakes her head at herself and sets her hand firmly on the door handle, turning decisively and pushing the door open.
She’d accepted a long time ago that her actions - her failures, in this case - had consequences, and there wasn’t anything to do now than to face it head o–
Caitlyn froze in the doorway to her office, coffee in one hand and the door handle still under the other.
The floor of her office was exactly how she liked it - absolutely spotless.
Her desk was tidied.
And…
And that was her newly acquired NASA Artemis Space Launch System, sitting, fully-assembled, in the spot she’d designated for it right when she’d gotten the promotional email for the preorder.
Her office wasn’t…this wasn’t…last night she’d…
Vi was still in the clothes she’d been wearing this morning.
Caitlyn stood stock still in the doorway, trying to sort through the emotions that were tumbling and clattering through her chest.
Surprisingly, the shame that walked with her through everything like a persistent, very old friend wasn’t the loudest one at the moment.
She was mostly confused, honestly. With more cognitive function available today, she was aware of the fact that she’d felt confused since Vi had come into her office last night and been so sweet to her.
That, she had sorted through enough today to understand that it was a result of Vi’s natural compassion and empathy. She’d been upset, Vi had been compelled to comfort her.
But, this…?
An eight (or more likely nine, given Vi’s lack of familiarity with the sets) hour project and a day off for…for her?
Caitlyn didn’t understand it.
It made her chest warm and it filled her with a strong urge to burst into tears, but she didn’t understand it.
______
Vi’d muted her game just after her girlfriend had come over to give her a kiss before heading to her office.
She’d heard Caitlyn turn the handle of the door to her office, and then…then it had kind of been dead fucking silent in the apartment since.
Vi kept playing her stupid video game just to have something to focus on, to try to keep herself from having a goddamn panic attack, but her fingers were starting to shake and be so stupid uncoordinated–
Behind her, Caitlyn’s voice was quiet and curious. “You…you rebuilt my Artemis model.”
Vi did pause the game, now, and put her controller on the coffee table as Caitlyn rounded the end of the couch enough to look at her but stay standing.
“Yeah, I uh..I did.” Vi cleared her throat, wiping her sweaty palms on her shins.
Caitlyn stared at her, gears visibly turning. “That set is almost four thousand pieces.”
Grinning at that, Vi nodded. “It sure is.”
It had taken her fucking forever to put it together. She’d actually been worried that Caitlyn would get home before she could get done.
But, luckily for Vi, her girlfriend was a workaholic, so she’d had enough time to finish the damn thing, vacuum and mop, and grab a protein shake before she sat her ass on the couch to play video games and be anxious while she waited for Caitlyn to get back.
She was still holding her coffee and her glasses in one hand like she’d forgotten about them, and Caitlyn’s eyebrows pulled together, creasing her forehead. “Why?”
“Why what?”
Caitlyn frowned at her, gesturing with the hand not holding her coffee, and Vi picked up on what she’d meant.
She should have anyway, but she’d blame it on hours of reading tiny font and all the goddamn head trauma.
Fingers nervously tapping on her knees, Vi swallowed. “...do I need a reason to try to help you feel a little better?”
Caitlyn frowned harder. “That wasn’t your mess to clean up.”
Vi’s anxiety spiked to the fucking ceiling as she realized something. “I uh…I’m sorry, did I fuck up by putting it back together? …shit, I wasn’t even thinking that you might really want to do that yourself–”
Caitlyn shook her head, and the hand squeezing the shit out of Vi’s lungs eased up a little.
“No, no, that’s not what I meant, I…well, I’d have been upset if it was a new set.”
Vi chuckled at that. Caitlyn would probably actually consider murder if someone unboxed and built a brand new set she’d been looking forward to for months.
Continuing, Caitlyn told her, “But I was honestly dreading redoing all the work and just…having an hours-long reminder of how I…I lost the plot. But I was going to do it, in any case. I can take care of myself.”
Her angular face was set - determined - and Vi knew she’d had to be guarded like that her whole life, knew she’d had to be independent and that no one really understood that she might need a few different things, and she knew how fucking hard it was to argue with Caitlyn about letting her fucking take care of her for once, but Vi didn’t want to argue tonight.
She was tired of not telling her the full truth. Tired of holding back, tired of biting back the words she wanted to say when Caitlyn was sleepy and beautiful in the morning, or when she was moving her lips while she read an article on her computer, or when she brought a coffee to the gym just because she’d been in the area and wanted to drop by.
“...I like taking care of you, though.”
Caitlyn’s eyebrows flew up her forehead, and her eyes were so wide that Vi wondered if maybe she was the shittiest girlfriend ever, if Caitlyn was that shocked that she wanted to take care of her.
“Why?”
Vi’s heart hurt a little at the confusion in the question. At the reasons it was there.
Like she usually did with Caitlyn, because the goddamn rocket scientist who’d decided she actually wanted her around like honesty, Vi went for the truth. “You go through a lot of shit I can’t help with, but, you know. I can read an instruction manual and rebuild a Lego set. If…if there’s something I can do for you, I want to do it.”
Caitlyn was still staring at her, and Vi took a deep breath, looking at her messy bun and the coffee she’d forgotten she was holding, and the one fuzzy sock that was falling down around her ankle, and it didn’t take as much courage as she’d expected to tell her, “I love you.”
Her girlfriend just kept staring, looking so perfect it actually kind of hurt. “And I uh…I want to be here. For you. Like um. Like you’re here for me.”
Caitlyn’s mouth opened and closed softly a few times, and her perfect eyebrows crinkled, and then she asked, quiet, tentative, “You love me?”
Helpless like she had been the fucking moment Caitlyn’s gorgeous blue eyes had met hers under the pulsing club lights, Vi nodded. “Yeah, uh– Yeah, I do. I’m kind of stupid in love with you.”
“Yeah?” Caitlyn asked again, tears starting to shimmer along her eyelids, and Vi sniffed, her own eyes welling up at the sight.
She chuckled, the sound a little watery. “Yeah, Cupcake. Head over heels. Whole bit.”
Finally, finally the confusion cleared fully off Caitlyn’s face, and she rushed forward, setting her coffee on the coffee table with a clunk before climbing straight into her lap and peppering her lips and face with salty kisses as they both laughed and cried and held each other tight.
“I...” Caitlyn started, pulling back with a sniffle, “I love you, Violet.”
Vi's heart felt like it was going to burst out of her ribcage hearing the words she’d wanted to say for so long and had hoped so much that Caitlyn wanted to say, too.
Caitlyn leaned forward again, kissing her slow and sweet before ducking down and resting her forehead against her gear tattoo. “I never knew a person could be so wonderful before I met you.”
Vi wrapped her arms tighter around her girlfriend and swallowed against the solid lump in her throat.
“Thank you,” Caitlyn whispered, and Vi knew that she meant more than just the LEGO set.
Vi kissed her forehead, pretty goddamn thankful herself that she’d met the incredible woman she got to wrap up in her arms like this all those months ago on her night off.
______
Caitlyn woke to sunlight streaming in through her window, blinding her a little, and a solid weight around her waist, holding her close, and as she was pulled toward wakefulness, she felt…she felt loved. Completely.
Vi was still asleep, but she was here - she wanted to be here - and she was warm, and wonderful, and Caitlyn truly couldn’t believe how lucky she was that they’d found each other.
They were an unlikely pairing, maybe, but as Vi shifted, pulling her closer with a sleepy mumble, Caitlyn thought that maybe “unlikely” might just be another word for “perfect.”