Chapter Text
Snow crunches underneath her feet. Fur lined boots, dark robes, hands stuffed in her sleeves. The trees around her are still flush with life here. It's not much but it's something. Soon, though, the war will spread here. The verrater will come and the winter dead trees will be the same, no matter what spring comes. Soon, the planet of Belka will come to a sad, quiet end. What comes after that? You will likely never know.
"Vic."
Not your name, thinks a distant voice, hundreds and thousands of years in the present. but it's a nice name. It does the job.
"Reid," you say, warm and sad. "You're finally out of house arrest."
Wilfried waves a hand in a gesture you know well. It's so like her but unlike her. There's so much heartbreak in those blue eyes. "I didn't think you'd still be here. You said you wanted to find the ruins."
"I didn't want to go without saying goodbye." And you're going to go, you know, as sure in that you won't come back. There's an itch to your bones, a fear and love to your life that knows no matter what happens, you're not coming back.
You, Victoire Jeremiah, know you will disappear from history.
"Do you really think Al-Hazard is still out there?" Reid doesn't sound doubtful. Rather, her warm voice is laden with grief, exhaustion. War is all you have ever known, but she's had peace long enough to mourn it.
"Not sure." You kick a stone into the air. "The technology sure is. The ambition is still in the blood, for certain. but either way, most of us and ours will not survive these wars or anything else."
"MidChilda and the rest are preparing to approach." Reid looks at the sky. "I heard Klaus' servants talking about it."
"Of course they are." You smile with no teeth. "You should join them, Reid. Leave your mark on history."
Reid looks at you warmly. "I could go with you? There's nothing really left for me now?"
You shake your head at once. She would never forgive herself for it, even if it delayed the inevitable. "You loved those two,so you should see their story to the end. I'll be all right. I-"
You stop and step forward. Your hands tremble, your eyes water with tears, matching the blues of your sister, the only one who saw you and understood you. "I'm sorry, Reid. I really am."
She hugs you with all her strength. "I know, I know, Vic. Promise, you'll go as far as you can, then further. For us. Don't let anyone stop you."
"I will," you promise. "For us, for them. I will. I'll find their secrets. And-"
I'll tear them from the foundation.
I don't understand, whispers a voice that isn't you. What is this, I don't understand. And you turn away from this memory-dream, of the family who loved you, of the paradise you abandoned and you say-
"Hello, my Dora, I didn't think you'd be here right now."
The world is frozen and dead, the arms encirling you frozen in time. You can can see the tears on your sister's eyelashes. You vanished to Al-Hazard, or what you thought was a piece of it, in her arms that day, leaving her to hurry back to the castle alone. You know because the day she died, old and troubled, but carrying the future of your line on into the future, the memories had struck your heart and head like a lightening clap.
Eduan had comforted you then, back when he was still aware you needed comfort. That you could be fragile and scared and make mistakes.
You remembered wondering if she, your descendants, all of them, would learn of this tower. Would they seek it out? Would they hunger to climb? Would they, like you, taste adventure?
You hope not. Your child, your Pandora, will know enough, and that will be painful.
Bam struggles under the weight of the ocean as you dream of days you miss.
Bam has been sleeping for three days.
Lero-ro said this was normal. If her body was going to heal with shinsu, rest was the best medicine. Not to mention, whatever she had done had been incredibly needed time to recover. Shinsu would keep her from dying, he'd added. It clearly had done so so far.
For reasons Khun couldn't translate, his voice had turned oddly sour in those last words. Shinsu kept people safe in its own way, and she survived, it wasn't the worst thing in the world. Knowing she would be all right did slow the anxiety in his heart, though he didn't like feeling it.
It didn't stop Rak from stalking her room (or Khun, but he had nothing to be ashamed of). He didn't trust that Anak girl not to do something stupid outside of class. The second thing he'd done after being put in the light bearer class was leave the spare lighthouse in Bam's room after all.
On Day two of Bam's sleep (they claimed it wasn't a coma, but Khun is pretty sure it was a small coma), there is a knock on her door.
Khun glances at Bam, watches her breathe. Shinsu crawls over her skin, very faint, but enough. Satisfied for now, he goes to the door.
He doesn't recognize her with her hood down and her bright blonde ponytail. Then he glimpses her red dress. "I didn't think anyone would be here. My teammates haven't paid me much attention so I just..." She stops and scratches her head, by the base of the ponytail. "Sorry, can I come in? I'm Rachel. I, I knew Bam before and -"
So she was the one who approached Bam at the throne, and didn't attack. The one who protested against her teammate's attack. She'd been originally from a different district.
Her small, grateful smile feels familiar, on the tip of his tongue in the worst way. "Thanks for looking after her. Please, I'll only be a few minutes."
Rachel looks at him with no hostility, not a picture of innocence or anything, but a promise of meaning no harm.
It was against the rules for districts to mix, for this very reason. But the rules were already broken. What else was there?
He lets her in.
Inside, she sits next to Bam, brushing her bangs from his forehead with something tender, hands trembling. "Thank you," Rachel starts. "For looking after Bam I mean. I, I know it must have been a lot. We're not very strong."
"You're welcome." It's not normal for people to know each other when they climb. Siblings, spouses, partners, all of them were separated. It was to keep it fair, to prevent betrayals. but the way she touched Bam was real in a way people wouldn't recognize if they weren't in the ten families.
"I was her only friend," Rachel continues, the words tumbling out like she has to tell someone, anyone. "She's always been alone. People just rejected her, but here it's different. I'm glad." She eyes some of the fruit in the offered bowl and wordlessly, Khun offers it. She looks relieved when he does. It's just bananas. Rak can get mad about it later.
"It was hard sometimes." Rachel tucks a lock of Bam's hair away from her face. "I had my own duties and she just had ... that place. A dark and lonely place. There were so many systems sure, places to explore, but only monsters and animals. No friends. Only me."
Did you have anyone else? Khun wonders. He can see it: two outcasts, strugglign to survive in a careless outer tower.
"When I decided to go oup the tower, she ... she didn't fight me." Her eyes cast faraway, and she looks away from Bam to him. "She wished for me to be happy from the bottom of her heart. I guess, I guess this was why."
"I betrayed her," Bam's voice echoes in Khun's mind, so sure.
"I think she thought I'd be angry." Rachel looks at the bandages. Khun has seen them enough times, glimpsed the crisscross of them over her chest and abdomen, all the way over her limbs. It was almost like a mummy's, hiding the scars Khun knows are underneath them.
"Are you?" Khun dares to ask.
And Rachel laughs. The sound is wet. "I was scared. Look at her! A breeze would knock her over."
It looks like one would knock you over too.
"She's determined and fast, and clever but she's not strong. The tower is dangerous. I-" Her voice falters. "It'd have been better if she'd just stayed behind and waited for me. I could have come back for her. I-" She stops, looks down at her lap, her fraying dress and whispers. "Why would she worry about me?"
Honestly, Khun couldn't explain it to her if he tried. "You could wait for her to wake up and ask her."
Rachel shakes her head immediately, almosst too quickly. "No, I, I can't. She's not doing well. Whatever that, that power was, it was too much. If that was just from seeing me, I don't want her to be worse. So, so please look after her!" She looks up at Khun entreatingly. "Tell her it wasn't me, or something. I, I need to climb the tower. She doesn't want to, she'd be happy anywhere and I- if I stay, we'll just depend on each other."
Irritation builds up in his guts. Why would she come here if she was just going to avoid everything and not put it to an end? At least Bam was just scared of the reaction.
"Why climb the tower?" He can't help but ask. "What's in it for you?"
At this, the fear fades. A strange, almost beautiful smile crosses her face. She looks genuinely happy in a way she never could fake. "Bam and I grew up in a cave. There was no sky, not even a fake one. We didn't have days or nights, just times of light and times of darkness. Everything could lurk in that fake night."
Bam, Khun thinks with a lurch in his guts, means night.
"The real night sky is beautiful," she continues, looking at Bam and stroking the messy tangles of her hair. "Lit up by stars and many colors. There's nothing to be afraid of under that sky. There will always be people to love and protect you under it, and the stars are something everyone misses and wants and protects. I want to see the real sky."
"More than you want to be with Bam?"
Rachel pauses. It's a moment too long. "I don't know, but I have to do it without her. Or I won't be strong enough to do it alone."
Khun looks at her, then Bam. The latter's face scrunches in her sleep. Rachel stands up abruptly. "I've, I've never seen her use powers like that before. So, just, be careful."
She hurries away and the door slides shut. Khun silently sits for a long moment, watching Bam's face smooth over.
Is this what it's like to have a friend, he thinks, and goes to open the door again for some air.
If it is, Khun isn't sure if he actually wants one.
Being a lightbearer isn't a big surprise, and after thinking about it, Bam being put into a wave controller class isn't either. Whatever that 'fission' did had carved something out of that giant that was visibly healing over, but his arm. Everyone gave him a wide berth.
Khun included. He didn't make a sound or even seem to care, but revenge was a favorite game in the tower.
He does his best not to look at Anak.
Still, a wave controller. With him, they'd be a great team. Though... why would Rak be a spear bearer? He could already use a spear. Why not keep him a fisherman? A reel and hook with a spear would be dangerous. Maybe they thought he was too stupid to know how to hook a catch himself. The thought makes Khun swallow back a smirk.
Lero-ro stops him when the meeting wraps up. Eyeing Anak one more time, Khun gestures for Rak to go on ahead. The big gator huffs, as if he isn't going to go threaten Bam's sleeping form anyway. Anak could possibly kick his ass, but it would buy enough time. for someone to get there
So Khun pretends that Lero-ro does not build up his blood pressure and stops. The man has dropped his too cheerful "potentially customer service but Khun doesn't deal with them often enough" smile, and looks all business.
The first thing he does is hand Khun a piece of paper. Three long codes fill the page with his, Bam and Rak's names. "What's this?"
"An unlimited points code." Lero-ro's mouth smlides into a smirk. "They'll only work at the facilities in the innter tower on this floor, and until you pass to the next floor. From there, the only points you'll have afterwards are any you earn in class."
... Clever. That meant if they slacked off, they'd have no one to blame but themselves when they got to floor three with nothing but the basic materials they'd lose by the end.
... He bet Hansung came up with that. He'd likely expected them to lose before.
"Right." Khun takes it and pockets the papers. "Thanks. Was that all?" He could totally see why he waited for others to not be nearby to give that over.
Lero-ro snorts and hands him another sheaf. "Give this one to Bam. This is the report from the doctor who examined her. When she wakes up, she'll need to follow the instructions here thoroughly for the next month."
Khun fully intends to look over those before letting someone else anywhere near it, let alone Bam who was surprised not to be in pain. Khun family branches had their own private doctors, He'd run off at least two of them for spying on his mother for blackmail and related to his own care.
His sister had killed a third one, but details. The specifics were so irrelevant.
Lero-ro hands him a package that he has to hold, unfortunately. "She will need these as well. Your points will be useable at any facility on this floating castle and there are a few others as well with different products. We don't recommend you going to them on your own, however. The lighthouse coordinates are often fickle if not used by their owner."
"I'll keep that in mind," Khun says thinly. He hopes there's not something else.
Lero-ro snorts. "I'll see you in class."
Khun nods and makes to turn away when Rak stomps back into the room. Khun feels a headache coming on.
"Blue turtle!" Rak shouts. "black turtle has disappeared."
Dread fills his veins.
Temperature moderate. There are no stars in the sky. There is no sun, so it stnads to reason there would be nostars. It still hurts something.
The host knows of stars, the word elevates the heartbeat. She needs to be more careful. No shoes, no armor, the clothes aren't satisfactory.
The air is wet and light.
She is inside of the tower.
Again. Again. She has returned to the tower. Was it before, in the older body, the form that was -
Error. She doesn't recall. it is better for her not to recall.
There was another time she was in the tower. It is better not to recall that either. Some of that time is false. Some of that time was true, heartbreakingly so. She must figure out which it is before she can proceed.
Pain is probalby closer to the truth.
Still. The air is light and wet. She is much lower in the tower than anticiapated.. Too low even.
She clenches hands taht ware too adjusted to pain. They flinch from it, which is a problem. She has moved through pain, the host. She has lived with pain. It will mean flexibility, openness to fighting but-
Not the same, not enough. It bothers ... her, whoever she may be. In comparison to the host, whoever she may be is different. The pain makes her twinge.
Not enough, she thinks. Not enough of ... something. A feeling, want, something greater than all of them and then some. Or maybe a feeling that once swept up the tower in its glory. Understandable then, that such a tiny vessel did not have it. Itw as too soon. She had awoken too early. But ... why?
There is fear, processing, or perhaps. She pushes, just a little, on the vessel, on beyond the vessel into shinsu itself. The shinsu responds in its way, its willing desire, but that's all. The body, the vessel, hurts.
It's definitely too soon. Then for what reason was she-
"Bam?"
She turns.
Blue hair, familiar, not an enemy. Too small, power in those hands. Eduan, she thinks. A familiar face, brilliant purple-blue eyes like the close terror of a storm, hands warm and-
"Eds," her voice says from a memory far away. For some reason, the boy flinches and she knows, is sure that-
No, you are -
"Memory banks searched," she says. "Vessel's recollection complete. Khun- Aguero Agnis-ssi, correct?"
Lero-ro had found Bam in a few minutes, long enough for them to look through the dorms and find the Black March and Green April still safely free from Anak's grip. She'd been by the door, however, watching with something in her eyes.
Somehow, despite not being able to teleport, or even knowing where anything is, she'd ended up in the wheat field. Khun spots her perched on a well-sized rock. She'd been staring at the shinsu sky. Even in the dark, her eyes glowed.
Only they weren't the gold of wheat or riches. They were an odd pink-violet, a thinner spectrum from that day at the crown game, but still familiar. There's no power this time, no shinsu whispering, yes yes, beloved in his ears. But it's there, like it's waiting for the answer from her outstretched hand.
Like this, she is almost entirely framed in shadow, even though the floors aren't allowed to be so dark you can't see at all. It feels like she, in her tattered hospital wear (the doctor had kindly changed her from her bloody rags) could fade into ash and dust and vanish at any moment.
Lero-ro is only half a meter away. Rak is thankfully willing to guard the weapons (since they are part of his hunting party! in his words) so Khun takes a cautious step forward. She doesn't acknowledge anything, not the wind in her hair, nor the obvious arrival of others. She simply continues to look at the cloudless navy sky like it has all of the answers.
But Bam has none of those answers. Or maybe they don't seem to be coming. "Bam?"
She turns. Those eyes go from pink-violet to a blueish purple. They're so similar to his own, so close to swallowing the pupils, that Khun almost takes an involuntary step back. But he stays because it's not fear from that face, not fear nor trepidation. Just confusion at first, then recognition, which is normal.
Then she says, in a voice so like but so unlike her that it makes his skin crawl, "Eds?"
She sounds wistful, confused, heartbroken, in that simple word, like who she's looking for could never exist in this way anymore.
Then, Bam pauses. The light in those eyes dies. "Memory banks searched," she says. "Vessel's recollection complete. Khun- Aguero Agnis-ssi, correct?"
Her voice is soft, still unfamiliar, but not afraid.
Khun's brain short-circuits. He struggles for a moment, she, or the thing that could be her had said, Eds, then recognized him. By Eds, did she mean ... Eduan?
But she hadn't shown any recognition before ... No, put aside the revulsion and glee that war within you. Looking like him isn't good or bad, just an inevitability with all he's done.
"You're not Bam," Khun murmurs. He has a knife between his fingers, an odd feeling to put towards something, someone as helpless as Bam. "Are you?"
His chest hurts.
It's the comparison to his father that does it, he thinks. Though a part of him swells with euphoria, he'd been funneling money from old items of his father through the black market for years for a casual, easy transition. It's only somewhat worth it. But being a man is one thing. Being his father is another.
But he has to put it down because he is not Khun Eduan. He will be better than him.
"Bam?" she echoes, completely uncomprehending. "That is not my name. Nor is it... Was that the method used to counter the side effects? Insufficient. Noting down." She slowly lowers her hand and looks at him. "You are correct. I am not 'Bam'. Is that the vessel's name?"
Those are the wrong words. She observes the way his face pales, so chalky and alarmed. This is a person not aware of the grand design of things. It is much. much later than anticipated, this awakening. Or is it the right time? Magic on its own moves the way it wills, so -
"What year is it?" she murmurs.
The boy continues to stare at her. He looks like Eduan, thin but strong shoulders, eyes so blue and purple, lightning when it strikes, but the face is a bit rounder. A descendant then, not a sibling or long lost cousin.
She'd known, in the ancient past ,that Eduan had wanted a family, a large one. One that loved and cared for each other, and protected their own. On some part, he must have succeeded.
"Who are you?" His tone shifts, aggressive, angry. Protective perhaps. A true companion in the sense of the word. "What have you done with Bam?!"
Bam. The vessel. He cares about the vessel. So then, perhaps -
Perhaps they could correct course, change paths because if it is not the vessel Bam is her, Bam is Dora and that's-
"She is sleeping," she finally says. "My, my name is Pan."
That's not entirely correct, but it is correct enough. Because she is not who was supposed to arrive, who was meant to rise here. That is certain. She is -
A jumble of questions and answers, a sobbing cry piercing the air of the 43rd floor, endless darkness around hands too cmall to grasp it.
"I am her shield," she continues and yes, yes that is right. That is what she is and who she belongs to. She is Dora's shield. They are one yet many. "I am, I am for the vessel to keep moving forward. Together we will, we must-"
Change the status quo, shatter everything, being vengeance, make them remember everything they took when they started and they stopped, show them they will not have nor deserve absolution-
"Find hope," she finishes. "Hope that was taken from us."
A second chance, a promise of hate is all they are, but that was too much for one human to bear, let alone one monster.
"Taken from you, huh?" The knife slowly slides away. It is not trust, Pan thinks, because trust implies safety and this boy seems to believe he is not safe.
Smart of him.
"If you're to protect Bam," he says slowly. He doesn't get closer, even though he may want to. "What took you so long to appear?"
That is a good question to ask, as is how they woke up in the first place. Checking the stress levels, the vessel (it is too soon to call her Dora, and Bam is not hers) has been under significant stress for a long time. Quintessence comes from a fear of death, awakens as a reflext to protect the user from the end of war.
Was the vessel simply not in enough near-death situations outside? Was there something it feared more than the possibility of dying? Could you die if you had never lived?
Philosophical, not an answer to his query. Redirect.
"I do not know," she admits because it is not a lie. "I was not supposed to awaken like this, I suspect. I'm not even certain I am meant to be awake."
His mouth twists into a doubtful frown. He relaxes a little. "How so?"
"I am a collection fo memories," she says, willing to explain because to reward that curiosity is a boon. "I should not have developed a ... personality, perhaps, a consciousness. Think of me as a book, a needed encyclopedia. that's all. That I am awake in such a manner, speaking with you means something has gone wrong in this vessel. In the formation."
She wonders what inflection her voice took on to make him look so briefly unsettled. Whatever his theories are, he doesn't volunteer them, so Pan continues. "I must assume you are of Khun Eduan's line, yes?"
The mistrust grows again. "You know that, but she doesn't."
"Tabula rasa," she replies absently. "She does not need to know of him to know of you. I suppose there is no need for me to ask what has become of him and the others then, if your response is so negative."
The point, Pan knows, was there was a choice, a need to know if the wish was worth pursuing. If it had to be fulfilled.
Mama and papa wanted it, of course, but that was because they were hurting, and they could be wrong. It didn't mean it was the only way. But it probably was, and she wanted to be a good daughter, to be loved.
... The vessel didn't have that thought? Maybe she'd never experienced it. That was disappointing to think about, but very likely.
The boy watches her and slowly, she eases herself to sit down. "I won't bring her harm," she says. "Please sit with me. There's so much we don't know. Please tell me a little and I'll answer you what I can."
Information, Pan knows, is a weapon in many ways.
'Pan' is unsettling.
In the way she talks, in the way she looks, in the way she stands. She's uncanny in the hospital gown, multicolored eyes soft in the lack of light. She doesn't seem to understand being upset or scared. She doesn't seem to understand much of anything, but none of it fazes her. As if, unlike Bam, she doesn't know doubt.
But he thinks she's telling the truth: she has no interest in hurting Bam. Lero=ro isn't far away, probably getting a doctor or spying for information or something. Nosy fucking rankers, after all.
Keeping her here is the smartest decision. He thinks of Rachel's concerned expression, the desperation in her voice.
So he climbs the rock. It's not hard, despite his lack of experience with rock climbing. "How did you get here?" he asks, feeling he's owed an answer.
"I wanted to be," she answers at once, like that's an answer. "Shinsu, mana, any of it, can do anything with the right push. Even things we shouldn't let it do. I wanted air, to see my surroundings, so I went to the closest place in the memory banks." She swings her feet a little, a bit careless, and eerily calm. Pan's eyes rest on scarred toes, messy fingernails. "What year is it?"
Khun recites it from the calendar Jahad's Empire has used since they'd conquered. Her little shoulders sag a bit.
"It has been a long time," she muses. "For them. For mama and papa too I suppose. No wonder it ended up this way. Over ten thousand years..."
Khun carefully forces his expression netural. "Wht do you mean?"
Pan looks at the starless sky. "Stars do not degrade," she says. "And neither do spells. Both implode one day, burning themselves out. If enough power is in them, enough of a wish, you could rewrite the world. But... the motivation can change, the genuine wish that carries them. It can degrade with the caster. There was a spell placed on the vessel, and it's taken so long for it to get to a place where it may be seen and fulfilled. So now that things are moving, it's possible the intent has warped. I don't know if that would be a good or bad thing anymore.I know that it is a likely outcome in a place like this. Your ... Your Bam maybe needs some way to protect herself from further pain. So I am here, until she can bear it, and even if she may never be able to. That is my guess. Or the spell didn't work as intended, and I was created anyway."
A split personality disorder? Or a second identity, a shield, born from deep set trauma. Or simply from life. Khun admits to himself he doesn't know much about it, but it's about as reasonable as anything else right now. He can't even touch the possibility of spells and magic. There were sacrifices involved and his family didn't keep any of the materials around for some reason.
"This is such a light floor, though very wet." She says the words with wonder. This wasn't wrong. Floor two sometimes made his skin crawl. "Where are we?"
"The floor of tests, Hansung Yu's floor."
She pauses. "The blonde man. He ... hmm... that is not mine. He made you upset." She rubs her eyes as he nods. Pan's mouth twists. "Accessibility limited, for the best."
"How old are you, really?" he can't help but ask. She mentioned ten thousand years, and that didn't mean anything to some, it was a time before recorded history in the tower, where it all began. Bam couldn't possibly be that old and survive.
Her lips quirk like she could smile. ""We" are young, the vessel included." She yawns. "I will not be here much longer. I think the vessel isn't as recovered as I assumed." She lets out a sigh."Will you take care of her? You do not have to, but I don't know when I will wake up again. Everything was explosive the first time after all." she rubs her eyes. "My memory of you is very light, but you don't have to worry. She will not betray you."
Those eyes look into him like she sees everything, all of what he is, and all of what he could be and those eyes do not find him wanting. They simply find him and that is enough.
"You're rather nosy, aren't you?"
To his surprise, Pan laughs and then closes her eyes. "Perhaps. But that is for the best, if her, if my Dora isn't frightened anymore ... if she is..." She sways and rests her head against his shoulder.
"You won't break her," she says, before he can pull away. "She is stronger than this. She must know it before her world ends. Before..."
Her breathing drops into a slow, easy cadence, trailing off before the end of her sentence. The electrical tingle of power that had surrounded her vanishes into nothingness, leaving just a girl sleeping aginst his shoulder.
He can't see the boy he saw at all.
The kernel of jealousy fades at the memory of Pan's confused look. Slowly, Khun reaches over and scoops her up.
Pan isn't lying. He's sure of this. She doesn't seem to know how. But she knows, she knows something. She knows more than of Eduan. She knows more than even he could guess.
No one owuld refer to Eduan formally after such an informal nickname. She's related to him, or someone who knew of him, and he's not going to be allowed to forget him. It's bad enough, whatever it is, for Bam to not remember.
Bam doesn't stir as he hops down from the rock. Lero-ro regards him with a raised eyebrow.
Khun doesn't mean to bristle, truly, but this man knows how to get under someone's skin. "What is it?"
Lero-ro merely regards him. Then he nods. "Come with me. What happened?"
"No idea." There's no point in lying. He'll look through is lighthouse's recording logs anyway."
Lero-ro lets out a hum.
Bam lets out a soft noise and stirs as they arrive back on the floating island.
She opens thankfully gold eyes and meets his gaze. There's nothing like before, only concern, warniness and confusion.
"Khun-ssi?"
"Yeah," he says, glad his voice doesn't crack. "Welcome back, Bam."
Something happened while she was asleep.
Bam has no idea what, but she knows that something did.
Khun looks at her like she might up and vanish and Rak threatens to eat her if she is too reckless.
Her memories of the Crown Game are a jumble of adrenaline and fear, a knowledge of something deep in her stomach that she can't unsee.
Rachel is here. She knows that for a fact.
Judging byt the fact that she woke up at all and with Khun and not alone or something, it was very possible that Rachel was avoiding her. Or maybe they were separated. People weren't supposed to know each other here after all.
Some of Bam hopes that it's the latter. The former makes her stomach twist in something too ugly to be kind, like relief.
Still, she won't push it. Khun doesn't seem interested in talking about it, and they had passed so...
The other two are in class now. Their positions were starting on time, but their missing teacher (late teacher, they said) meant their classes were running late So they'd start later. It wasn't too much of a worry for Bam, Khun had said, because they had passed and were taking the classes to seem fair.
It didn't feel fair to have two less days than everyone else for a position that was supposedly so difficult to fill. But maybe she's dumb and doesn't know about fair.
She wanders the island. It was at the request of the docotr, as part of her testing. She had to exercise every day and eat snacks every day and it would help the healing process along. She finds all sorts of places, other classes, various rooms, stores that Khun had promised they could go to together, as her current clothes were a bloody mess. Khun had looked at her funny for walking around in the gown, so maybe that wasn't normal attire after all.
At one point, as Bam slowly turns herself around (admittedly, she'd gotten a little lost), and begins heading back, she'd glimpsed Hansung Yu. He is carrying a large gold and black box and doesn't notice her at first. She watches, trying to puzzle out what he was doing.
Then he sees her.
The first time, he was just another test proctor. A sneaky one, who seemed too clever to say things outright. But now, for some reason, seeing him makes her stomach turn.
He smiles a little. Not a lot. Not cruelly. Not with malice at all, but like he's found a fun game to play. Rachel would wear it when she heard something interesting, but she'd try to hide the excitement, temper it because ladies were delicate.
"Hello, Bam-ssi," he says. "It's good to see you up and about." He must notice her expression but says nothing about it.
At once, Bam bows, because it's only right. "Ah, thank you very much. I'm sorry to have inconvenienced anyone."
He pauses. "That was a very quick apology, wasn't it?"
"... Should I not be?"
"I'm afraid I wouldn't know." His smile sharpens. "The culture I'm from limits their need for apologies, only correction."
Bam, despite herself, persk up. "What do you do if you're wrong?"
"You ensure you are right the next time. Apologies, in my home, took too many precious seconds and minutes you could spend living some other way." he seems more and more delighted the more he talks, like the idea of spinning a tale is fun.
The trouble is, Bam can't tell if he's lying or not. "I see..."
"The way you need to go is back the way I came," he adds, which is not very helpful. She knows that already.
Still. "Thank you very much." Bam bows and makes to exit, but as she passes him, he says,
"Are you really satisfied with this outcome, Bam-ssi?"
Bam slows her pace and turns to look at him. "Hansung-ssi?"
"Are you satisfied with your place here?" he gestures. "You could skip class all you wanted, ignore your lessons, everything. Are you content with that?"
The words stab her in the wstomach, and she swallows hot tears. She knows that their teacher is delayed, and that's not her fault, but still. It's a familiar frustration, a feeling of being not enough for the light.
"No," she says. "Not really."
That cold smile - and this was the gaem all along, she thinks - softens a little. "May I make a suggestion?"
Through the dread, Bam turns to listen anyway.