Chapter Text
The walk back to the camp went by smoothly without incident. They were just making their way down to the main clearing when Sharpclaw approached them. ‘Pebblepaw, get yourself to the medicine den - Echosong wants to have a look at that scratch. Miststep, Leafstar would like a word with you privately.’
Huh? Me? Miststep exchanged an uneasy glance with Billystorm as Pebblepaw made for one of the dens near the foot of the rock pile. ‘Did I do something wrong?’ she asked, on edge. The deputy shrugged. ‘I have no idea. All Leafstar said was that she wanted to speak with you. If I were you, I wouldn’t keep her waiting.’
Billystorm whispered in her ear. ‘Take it easy. I know Leafstar well - she’s my mate and the mother of my kits. Whenever she calls for a cat like this, it usually means she isn’t upset with them, and instead would like to discuss something.’It’s not like I can resist - I may as well go along and see what she wants. ‘Okay. Take me to Leafstar.’
Sharpclaw brought her to the same rocky alcove she had met the SkyClan leader in when she first arrived. ‘Good luck,’ he whispered to her as he strode away. Well that’s ominous. Taking a deep breath, she poked her head in.
Leafstar was reclined in her nest in a seated position. They straightened up upon seeing her. ‘Ah, Miststep. There’s no need to be so afraid - you haven’t done anything wrong. Come over here,’ they beckoned, sensing her trepidation. She gulped inwardly as she padded over, unsure of what to expect.
‘I wanted to talk with you about something.’ ‘Hawkpaw,’ she predicted, earning a faint smile from the leader. ‘Yes, Hawkpaw. I’m asking you specifically because I want to know what happened, and I think most other warriors will try and cover for him - his father is Sharpclaw, after all. Ebonyclaw told me he attacked Pebblepaw with unsheathed claws during the training. Is this true?’
‘Yes, it is,’ she replied steadily, meeting the leader’s stare unflinchingly. ‘Hawkpaw had been complaining about being paired with Pebblepaw from the moment we set out, and ran off towards the training clearing - Ebonyclaw chased after him. Then, when Pebblepaw defeated him in a match, he feigned surrender and took the chance to attack Pebblepaw in a fit of rage, screeching something about how she had gotten his brother killed. Ebonyclaw tried to hold him back but he threw him off; I tackled him in midair and shouted for him to calm down - he ran off into the forest afterwards.’
‘I see. I know you’re telling the truth - your version of events correlates perfectly with Ebonyclaw’s.’ Leafstar’s gaze became curious. ‘She also said that when you shouted at him, you mentioned something about having had a similar experience in the past where rage had blinded you.’
‘Indeed.’ Miststep expected them to ask her to elaborate, but instead Leafstar let out a long, thoughtful breath. ‘I’m trying to think of what to do with Hawkpaw,’ they pondered, half to themself. ‘He can’t go unpunished - he did wound another apprentice intentionally, but I don’t think treating him harshly is the correct thing to do either. He’ll only get more and more resentful if I do that, and this will become a recurring issue.’
A thought came to her mind; all the way back from when she was first taken to the Enclave. ‘What if you had them both do all the apprentice duties together for a moon? I don’t think Hawkpaw hates Pebblepaw as much as he hates himself; this will give them a chance to interact and talk their feelings out. I’m willing to oversee them, help out where I can and break apart any potential fights, so none of your warriors have to be spared for this.’
‘Apprentice duties? Yes, I think that would work.’ Leafstar murmured in agreement. ‘I was planning on putting Hawkpaw on them nonetheless, but Pebblepaw did nothing wrong. It seems unfair to put her on them as well.’
‘You would have to ask her, but I don’t think she would mind.’ A warm smile spread across her face as she remembered how shy Pebblepaw had been about Hawkpaw during the conversation in their den. ‘She likes Hawkpaw - yes, like in that sense. I believe she will take any chance she gets to make amends with him.’
‘Very well then. It’s decided. I’ll send a cat to confirm with Pebblepaw, but if all goes well your arrangements will be put into place.’ Leafstar waved their tail, signalling she was free to go, but Miststep remained. ‘There is one more thing I wanted to ask about. May I speak to Hawkpaw? Pebblepaw asked me to speak with him on her behalf.’
She didn’t think they would agree, but once again she was pleasantly surprised. ‘You would probably do a better job than Ebonyclaw or Sharpclaw would. They would be warriors reprimanding an apprentice, while you technically have the same title as him - no offense,’ they added quickly. ‘I think he’s more likely to open up to a relatively unknown cat like yourself rather than a figure of authority. He’s in the apprentices’ den alone - the others have been ignoring him once what he did to Pebblepaw got out. Some company would do him wonders.’
Stunned at how smoothly her conversation with the SkyClan leader had gone, she gave a grateful mew before exiting Leafstar’s cave, returning to the gap in the heap of boulders which her nest was inside. Sure enough as she had been told, Hawkpaw was sitting where he had been last night, facing the wall. She noticed his ears stood up as her pawsteps echoed in the cavern, but otherwise he made no indication that he knew she was there.
‘Hi, Hawkpaw.’ She shuffled over to where he was; he didn’t turn to face her as she took a seat on the floor next to him.
‘You’re to be doing all the apprentice duties for the next moon,’ Miststep informed him. ‘Me and Pebblepaw are going to be helping you.’
Hawkpaw drew his fangs back. ‘Just my luck,’ he hissed. ‘I have to be paired together with that rotten piece of crowfood again. If any cat thinks sticking me in a den together with her for a moon is going to cause my hatred of her to wane, they thought wrong.’
‘Why do you treat her like this? She mentioned something about your brother?’ The apprentice gnashed his teeth. ‘Since she brought it up, I may as well tell you. Long story short, yes, I hate her because of what happened during the fire in the Twolegplace. Me and my father were trying to pull every cat we could out of the inferno. I thought Pebblepaw was in more danger, so I saved her first, but by the time we freed Duskpaw he was too badly burned and died a few sunrises later. Pebblepaw is why my brother is dead, and I’ll never forgive her for it!’
Miststep sighed. I guess I have to bring up my past then. ‘I know what you feel like, Hawk-’ ‘No, you don’t,’ he snarled. ‘You’ll never understand what I went through - you’re nothing but an outsider who’s led a soft life and decided they wanted to play warrior all of a sudden. I don’t even know why Leafstar let you in here. You don’t know what it’s like to feel loss.’
Rage boiled within her stomach at the accusation. You have no idea what I’ve been through. She would have liked nothing more than to grab the apprentice by the throat and choke the life out of them, but she restrained herself, instead letting out her frustration in a more controlled manner. ‘I don’t know what it’s like to feel loss?’ she repeated, her voice so soft that it resembled the squeaking of a mouse, yet carrying with it a deadly edge that caused the tom to stare at her; for the first time, Hawkpaw showed genuine fear, shrinking away as she loomed over him, her violet gaze sharp as flint.
‘You have a mother and a father - luxuries that I have been deprived of since I was a kitten. You have a mentor who cares about you a lot - mine was crushed by a landslide the sunrise before.’ Hawkpaw tripped over himself as he scrambled away, terror shining in his eyes as she backed him up against the smooth surfaces of the cavern, bringing her face down to his, her teeth bared. ‘I have watched countless cats die before me in horrific fashion. You, a pampered apprentice who has known the shelter of their Clan for all their life, dare talk to me about the meaning of loss?!’ She stamped her paw on the ground for added effect.
That was the last straw on Hawkpaw as he began to cry, the sound of his bawling echoing around the stone walls. Miststep’s gaze softened. He’s still an apprentice after all. No need to frighten him any more than necessary.
‘I’m sorry Hawkpaw, I didn’t mean to scare you that badly.’ ‘N-No, y-you’re right,’ he sobbed. ‘I-I am nothing but a useless apprentice. D-Duskpaw wouldn’t have died if I was a true warrior like you are.’
Miststep rolled her eyes. ‘I’m about the furthest thing you can get from a true warrior,’ she muttered. The apprentice looked over, intrigue shining through their tear-streaked gaze. This is risky, but I think it’ll help him trust me. ‘Do you promise to not tell anyone what I’m about to tell you?’ she asked. He gave a subdued nod in response. It’s not the end of the world if he tells it to Leafstar either. ‘Okay.’ She took a deep breath.
‘I murdered a cat when there was no need to. In cold blood.’
Hawkpaw’s expression was one of disbelief.‘You? Murder? B-But you seem so nice! You and Pebblepaw have gotten along really well!’ ‘Believe me, I wasn’t always like this,’ she replied heavily, wincing as she recalled her first moons as an apprentice under Tawnypelt. I was a mess back then. ‘My parents were killed by the Clan leaders in front of me, and since then I swore vengeance on them and all their warriors, even though I see now that those under them are largely unwilling subordinates, I was too blinded by hatred to recognise that back then. During a battle, I had driven an enemy warrior to the edge of the ravine. He begged for me to pull him up, and I bashed his paw with a rock until he fell.’
The SkyClan cat drew in a breath. Miststep put her tail around him. ‘Appearances can be deceptive. You can’t judge a cat for who they truly are for what they choose to show you; neither can you base a cat’s worth on one action alone. I hope you understand these things now.’
‘Got it.’ Hawkpaw brushed against her lightly. She had half a mind to bring up Pebblepaw, but she decided against it. I’m impressed with myself for getting this far - no reason to push my luck now. A low rumble rose through the cave - his face flushed with heat as he realised it had been from his belly. Miststep smiled; there was no mockery behind the expression. ‘I’ll get you some prey and water. You must be half-starved after running all that way to the training field and back.’
‘Thank you, Miststep!’ No problem, she answered wordlessly as she exited the den, heading down towards the prey-pile. Anything to stop a promising young cat from making the same mistakes I did.