Work Text:
Rose POV:
When did Sirius leave? I wish I had noticed. I could have said at least a proper goodbye. Now that I'm thinking about it... No, I don't think I would have been able to. I don’t want to admit it, but I think all three of us know. He’s not coming back. Regulus is not coming back.
Sirius came in around fifteen minutes ago. I’m pretty sure I have never seen him this devastated before. Red, swollen eyes. An empty look. He asked to see me and Barty only. Something about us being the only people with the Mark that he trusted.
I think deep down we knew. We knew exactly what our best friend’s brother was going to say. Regulus hadn’t come home either.
Three days after he went home and never returned. We did our best, all of us, to find him. We tried. It didn’t matter if you were Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw. All that mattered was that our sweet boy Regulus hadn’t appeared in the castle since he got the Mark.
I’m sure that it had to something to do with those damned horcruxes. Oh, the endless nights the three of us had spent discussing what we should do with Narcissa.
He didn’t listen in the end. He never did.
Barty has gone limp. I imagine I have to be looking like him. After all, a part of us is gone.
Because Regulus Arcturus Black is not coming back.
Am I crying? It doesn’t matter. He is worth millions of tears. A few of mine wouldn’t hurt. Barty is not crying, though. Maybe he’s trying to be strong for both of us. We need it.
I look down to him. He looks back. His eyes ask questions....
What are we gonna do?
How are we supposed to continue after this?
Will you help me?
I need you...
Killer POV:
Why were people created with emotions? Empathy? And why can’t we turn it off? I have to find a way. Or... I don’t know what the result will be.
I had never liked Sirius Black that much. Everyone seemed to lessen in his presence. And I knew he wanted that. I mostly avoided him all these years, so as to not get in a fight with him. Reg had asked me to do so.
But now? Seeing him suffer in such a way? I understand. I don’t want to, but I understand. I do not have siblings, but loss is something we all can understand. I need to turn it off. And if it’s not for me, it has to be for Evan.
The sound of those words exiting Sirius’s mouth is still echoing in this room. I’d crumbled. It wasn’t visible, Evan had helped me. But I can’t afford to do that again.
He’s holding me, on my bed, in our dorm, in our school, but still in our own little world. I wish we could stay in here forever. We can’t. I still couldn’t be more grateful.
He won’t last long. He will crumble just like me. But I will be there for him in the same way he is here for me now.
My amazing, precious little rose.
Rose POV:
It burns, damn him.
He who must not be named. Because of course his sign would also torture beside mark forever anyone who dared to have it on their skin.
Barty flinches. He can feel it too.
That sensation, like the blood in your arm’s veins is filled with melting metal. After you’ve felt it a lot of times, it kind of goes numb. That’s what my dad said after my first time. But no. I don’t want it to go numb. I want it to stay there, aching, hurting. It’s the least I could do. There isn’t much more, anyways.
The time they have allowed us to wait for before answering is barely ten minutes.
I can feel the time passing. Yet, neither of us moves.
“I don’t want to go.” Barty speaks for the first time since Sirius walked out.
“We have to.” The words taste bitter. It makes sense.
“I don’t care.” He looks into my eyes. His are dry.
“They will kill us, my love.” I whisper.
“We’re safe here.” He doesn’t believe it either.
“I’m not afraid about us. It’s what he asked us to do. Answer. Always.”
Killer POV:
I want to say no. I want to say it doesn’t matter, because Regulus Arcturus Black is not coming back. He won’t find out. Maybe me and Evan stand a chance. Maybe we could disappear as well. Go abroad. Somewhere to live alone. Isolated. We don’t need anyone else. Only us. Alone. Safe.
Those are pathetic thoughts. Not worthy of being in someone’s mind. Push them aside. But we still could-
Turn. It. Off.
Rose POV:
Barty finally gets up.
“Let’s go.” he says.
“Barty. What are you thinking about?”
He stopped protesting a little too early. That can’t be good. He smiles.
“Revenge won’t come to us just like that, my rose.”
So that’s what it was all about.
"You can't be seriously thinking about getting revenge. It's the Dark Lord we're talking about." His eyes are lit with a fire that can only be described as dangerous.
"We can at least try."
“You’re not thinking clearly, my love. We can’t just attack the Dark Lord himself. At least not while it’s only the two of us.” I try my best to give a sympathetic look without starting to cry again.
“Then we will make a team. A team strong enough to beat him and all of his people.” The determination in Barty’s eyes is not something rare, but still gives me hope.
“We will. But for now we have to answer.”
He lowers his head.
“And I have a feeling this will not be the last time we do so.”
“We just have to take it. I swear it gets better.”
I hug him. The Deatheater meetings are always hostile. At least we can remember each other’s embrace long enough to not despair among those wretched people.
Killer POV:
I wish I didn’t need his hug to feel better. In this world, you either manage to survive on your own or you die. Evan is my last hope though. If I slip away from what I’m supposed to be... For just a second. Just a second...
Rose POV:
Barty tenses up again and pulls away. I suppose he got what he needed. It’s a pity I will never get enough of him. Or maybe not. That way we can stay together longer.
“We have to change clothes. Where did you put the robes after last time?” Perhaps talking about something else, something casual, what we are doing will seem to be closer to what normal people do. Without the plotting. Without all that death.
“They’re in the closet, on the box on the top shelf.”
Ah, yes. Our plan to have the robes for one week in one’s dorm and the next in the other’s. Figured it would be easier to not get caught that way. I’m not sure the house elves would say anything if they found out, though. Better not risk it.
I go and get the clothes. They’re dusty, the last meeting was a month ago or so.
I try not to gaze over Barty’s body while he changes, but it’s practically impossible. I get closer and hug him once more.
Killer POV:
Under any other circumstances, he would be on my bed right now. Oh, the things I would do...
Get. It. Together.
Now is not the time. Later, if he’s up for it.
Will I be up for it? You never know...
But the way his body feels on mine... That sensation is not leaving anytime soon. Perfect. Like we were made to touch each other. To be one.
Get. It. Together.
You have a plan to make.
Why am I even thinking about sex at this hour? My best friend was basically just confirmed to be dead. The mind has weird ways.
Like how I found myself dressed just now. My hands moved on my own maybe. Or Evan did it. Who cares.
Rose POV:
He seems lost in thought. My fallen angel. He always loved that nickname.
“Should I tell Dorcas we’re going out?” He almost jumps.
“I don’t think it’s necessary.”
“Oh come on, she’ll get worried if we leave without a word.”
“Fine.”
He walks towards the door and I follow. I can’t help but sigh as I close it behind me.
We walk down the corridor to the common room, where Dorcas is sitting with that Gryffindor girl, Mary. Did she sneak her in? I wouldn’t be surprised.
“Cas, we’re leaving. We’ll be back in a few hours at most.” She nods and gives us a sad look.
Out of... almost everyone in this school that is not actively participating in our meetings, she’s the only one to know where we’re going to, dressed like that. She knows we don’t have choice.
Barty has started getting impatient.
We don’t speak as we exit the school grounds and sneak towards Hogsmeade, so we can apparate without getting caught. I don’t know how that works, but apparently, because of a spell He put on our wands, magic outside of school cannot be detected. Others should be happy to have that. For us... it will be harder for the Ministry to find us if we do something wrong and piss him off.
From Evan Rosier’s diary, three months later:
I think it started the day Sirius came in our dorm to tell us Reg hadn’t come back. We still don’t know where he is. The meetings are becoming more and more frequent. It’s like they are all mocking us. Not mentioning Regulus anymore. It’s like the Prince of the Noble House Black, once so promising to continue the Deatheater legacy, has been erased from existence. The Dark Lord is instead focusing on Bellatrix now. He seems so eager to change favourites. Narcissa isn’t that active and I pray something doesn’t happen to Bella (the irony) because I believe me and Barty are the next favourites in line.
Barty is not doing well. I can see it in his eyes. Something has changed. He’s not the same anymore. He’s trying to hide it, but I always notice. How he can stare out the window for hours. How his words are becoming harsher. His eyes- it’s not unusual for them to have something almost manic inside. It’s because of Reg. I know it. He pretends not to care, but deeply, he cares too much. Or maybe he doesn’t care at all indeed. I don’t know which is worse. I still love him, there is no question in that and there will never be one, but I wish we could just go back to what we were before all this mess.
From Bartemius Crouch Jr’s diary, same date:
I hate to even look at him. My rose. Once I was so eager to, but now he’s just another promise I will never be able to keep. He seeks solace in a dark place, solace I can never, and never will be able to give him. He asks for too much. There is one possiblity I have thought through many times. He sees himself in me. In that case, we are doomed, both of us. I know I will not survive this war. For it is war that we are talking about. I can feel it, smell it in the air even, in the meetings. The dread. The need to kill. I try to not succumb to it, but it’s the way I was taught I’m supposed to be. Maybe I can free him from it before it all happens- I can make it painless for my rose.
Dorcas POV:
They keep sneaking out. I can’t cover for them anymore. I agreed at first, but it is becoming harder and harder, to know the abusive place they are going to and still not say a thing. I miss Reg. He was better at this thing than me.
Barty and Evan... once so obviously in love... they’re drifting apart, and it’s inevitable. They should be united in such times but... Last time they fought it lasted two weeks.
If it didn’t begin with Regulus, it began with those wretched diaries. Damn the Dark Lord and his devilish inventions. Evan once explained how they work. Every Deatheater in the Hogwarts compounds had to write in them twice a week with some special ink. The words were then destroyed and transferred to a book in the Malfoy Manor, where He can read what they write at any time.
They are evil, the diaries. They make you pour your soul in them. There’s a spell on my precious friends. Something to brainwash them against one another.
I have been taking classes with Professor McGonagall in secret. She trains me, and a couple of other students. I think our little team might be the strongest students here. Good. That will be useful.