Work Text:
1.
Someoka’s voice raises over the chatter of the clubroom. “What, Tsunami has a girlfriend?!”
Kazemaru looks up from the magazine, and seems like many of the others spread around the room have stopped on their tracks too. Someoka grabs the phone Handa offers him and studies the screen closely. “Where does it say that?”
“Well, it doesn’t, but..” Handa’s a bit meek, but Kurimatsu pipes in instead. “What else could it be, look how close they are in the photo! And he’s an only child, deyansu!”
Someoka scoffs and pushes the phone back, and Handa shows the photo to other curious people too.
Kazemaru goes to take a peek, too. Handa has a social media page pulled up, with a photo of Tsunami throwing victory signs and a girl doing the same next to him. The comment added to it is just a ramble about summer and surfing, and even though the girl’s grin is similar to Tsunami’s, they otherwise don’t look the same at all.
Kazemaru cocks a brow. “Doesn’t he have a lot of surfing buddies, could she be just a part of the group?”
“No way, there must be more to this! Their hands are almost touching here!” Kurimatsu goes on, with Handa nodding along. Kazemaru thinks they’re just overanalyzing, and by how others are reacting with various stages of confusion, he isn’t the only one thinking so.
Endou comes to take a look, too, and a wide grin spreads on his face. “Wow, looks like they’re having fun! I wish I could go surfing again!”
Shourin scoots closer. “Captain, what do you think? Are they together?”
Endou pauses. “I don’t know, does it matter?”
Kurimatsu looks like he wants to protest but he’s not finding the right words. Handa, a little closer to the neutral middle, scratches his head. “I guess it doesn’t but.. isn’t it an exciting thought?” Endou blinks, confused, so Handa continues. “Having a girlfriend?”
There’s some agreeing muttering around, and despite the wording Kazemaru can’t stop himself from watching Endou’s reaction. There’s rarely been any discussion about relationships and love within the club, especially with the captain around since his mind is usually pipelined too hard on soccer, so Kazemaru can’t admit he’s… intrigued.
Endou thinks for a moment. “Isn’t it like… doing fun stuff together, going out, eating together, right?” A wide grin spreads on his face. “I can do all that with you guys, and we even get to play soccer together!”
Kabeyama spits his drink and others sputter. Someoka bursts out in a laugh.
“B-but, captain!” Kurimatsu squeaks in after gathering himself from the floor, “the dates, and.. hand-holding, deyansu…”
Endou turns to look at the defender and holds his hand out. “We can do that too, if you want!”
Now almost all of the team is laughing, excluding Kurimatsu who’s staring at Endou, who doesn’t seem to find anything odd about it.
“That’s our captain!” Domon chuckles and with that, everyone slowly gets back on getting ready for training. Kazemaru busies himself with gathering his things too, but before that he gives one last look on Endou’s hands, imagining his fingers entwined with his own.
He might have to grab on that offer fast, because he knows despite the team’s reaction, there will be interest in it.
2.
“Truth, I guess…”
“Alright! Have you and Chiikawa kissed yet?”
The embarrassed wail that leaves his classmate gets Kidou to pinch on the bridge of his nose and try to get deeper into his notes.
He has no idea how “truth or dare” was someone’s idea to pass time during a sudden combined lunch and free period, but since it was the self-proclaimed class clown Iwata, guess everything is possible.
Otherwise it would have been almost normal, but since Iwata was a tad too interested in others’ private lives, Kidou opted out of it before he was even asked. Gouenji had the same thought too, as he’s catching up on his studies meanwhile, but there’s a decent group of boys gathered in the back corner - and Endou in it.
Kidou had hoped a little that they could have gone through some training points in their free time, but Endou was easy to pull into social situations and Kidou was consciously trying to let Endou do what he wanted, after realizing he was hogging him a lot lately.
He wonders if anyone has noticed, and the thought makes him a little embarrassed.
So he’s trying his best to focus on writing down some possible changes in their training manual, trying to not listen in on the game, but he fails terribly. Partly because they’re not trying to be very quiet.
“We… still haven’t…”
“Boo! Slowpokes!” “I wish I could get a girl like that though…” “I told you, you gotta ask Mie-chan already!”
They go on a few rounds, questions and silly dares circling around, when the turn is again on Iwata. “Endou! Truth or dare?”
Kidou’s body tenses.
“I wanna do truth this time!”
“Yosh! What did you jerk off to last time?”
Kidou’s going to explode .
There’s a beat of silence. Then, Endou speaks. “I haven’t? So, next I’m gonna pick-”
“Wait, waitwaitwait!” Iwata cuts him off, “What do you mean, ‘I haven’t’?”
“I mean… that I haven’t? Jerked off?” Endou says slow and confused, and Kidou still isn’t able to unfreeze himself. Someone snickers and Iwata sounds absolutely baffled. “How? You’re a guy, right?”
Other classmates start piping in. “Full respect to your self-restraint, Endou.” “Iwata, you’re just too horny!”
There’s laughter and Iwata starts arguing with someone, but Kidou notices that Endou has stayed silent.
The classroom door suddenly bangs open and everyone in the room jumps. The class representative storms in. “Your racket can be heard all the way to the staircase! This period was meant for studying !”
The gathered group dissipates fast under her stare, and Kidou has managed to compose himself enough to turn to watch Endou meekly return to his seat next to him.
He’s going to make a light comment about the game, not to judge but slightly side with the class representative, but he stops. There’s still something uncharacteristic in Endou’s expression, something unsure and conflicted, that makes Kidou silently turn back to his notes, even though he knows continuing on them would be impossible.
He wants to ask about it, but he knows he’s even worse than Endou when it comes to speaking about… private matters, so he leaves it for hopefully another day.
3.
“...And the baseball club really saved our asses and lent some space from their storage for us!"
Aki laughs at Endou’s animate explanation of the hassle with misplaced club equipment, as they walk along the streets of Inazuma Town.
It’s the second week of the spring semester, in their second year in high school, and they finally got time in their schedules to hang out. Seems like the new captain of the soccer club already has his hands full.
“Where are you gonna put it afterwards, then? I thought you said something about having to start sharing the space with the gymnastics club?”
Endou groans. “I’ll have to work that mess out after I get the plans for the summer training camp started. Last year was chaos!”
They continue chattering on the way and suddenly, when they arrive at the main street, the area is full of colorfully clothed people and music playing from somewhere in the crowd. There’s dancing and singing, soap bubbles, hand-written signs and slogans.
“What’s happening?” Endou exclaims and Aki steers them to the side, out of the way of a group of school girls with rainbow-colored feather boas.
“Was the Rainbow Pride already this week?” Aki checks her phone for confirmation, while Endou watches the crowd with curiosity. “Rainbow Pride?”
Aki puts her phone away. “An event to celebrate and bring visibility to the LGBT community.”
“Ooh, right, I’ve heard of that.” Endou raises his brows in happy realization. “I think I saw a flier for it at school.”
Aki can’t help but smile at his child-like wonder of new things. But while his charm is still there, he can’t really see him as anything more than a friend; and that’s how she loves him the best.
They decide to go get something to eat, and manage to secure a window spot from the second floor of a pancake restaurant. They get a full view of the event on the main street and they people-watch while eating.
“Aki, you know more about this than me”, Endou asks after eyeing a cute elderly couple with small rainbow flags in their hands, “do all the flags mean something? I lost count of how many different ones I’ve seen.”
“I don’t know too much, but they represent different groups of people. Let’s see…” She pulls up a search and opens a promising-looking site and they both lean in, scrolling through a listing of different flags and explanations. Aki recognizes a few, while Endou looks like he’s stepped fully into an unknown territory, with genuine wonder in his demeanor.
They talk about the color combinations and the complexity of the names and learn about different kinds of people.
Endou suddenly perks up after reading the description of a pink and blue and white flag. “Hey, this sounds kinda like Takehara!”
“Who?” Aki asks and moves Endou’s finger off the screen to see better.
“One of our club members. Last year there were some rumors going around, saying he shouldn’t be in the guys’ club and how he was really a girl.” Endou leans his cheek on his palm, more serious now. “It wasn’t spreading too far, but I could see the talk was hurting him, so I just told everyone to tell the ones spreading the rumors to piss off or forward them straight to me. I almost got to slap a second-year with God Hand for being an asshole.” Aki chuckles at the mental image.
“Takehara seemed relieved, and the rumors died quickly. I didn’t really think about the contents, other than just that they were painful for him, but…” He taps the phone screen, making it light up again. “This sounds like something similar. Though I wouldn’t really know.”
Aki looks at her friend, and he can see he’s thinking hard about something. “Do you want to ask him about it?”
Endou sighs and a smile returns to his lips. “Nah, not really. He’ll tell me if we get close enough for that, I think.”
“What, just one year in high school and you’ve lost your talent of befriending every living thing?” Aki elbows him gently and Endou laughs. “Give me a break, I’ve been loaded with so much work I get to barely see even you guys!”
Aki understands, and Endou keeps scrolling for a bit longer while Aki finishes her drink.
She notices him looking at the screen intently, brow furrowed in thought, but all Aki can get a glimpse of is a block of text before he moves the page down.
There’s something thoughtful in his expression in the silent moments during the rest of the day, but Aki decides to let him work it out by himself, whatever he’s thinking about.
4.
The cool night breeze feels amazing on Fubuki’s face, but he still pulls his scarf up. The change from the warm and cheerful, but loud and a bit chaotic team reunion to the quiet streets was drastic but not completely unwelcome.
It was always good to meet up with the old Raimon group, spread out to include Inazuma Japan too, but it tended to get quite rowdy as the evening passed on. Being the first to retire for the night wasn’t unusual for him - and he thinks that midnight is a completely acceptable time to go.
More surprising was that Endou had decided to walk him back to where the long-distance visitors were lodging. It was just a walk away, in a familiar route due to them usually picking the same place, but he was almost out of the door when Fubuki was still saying goodbyes.
Despite the small protests, Fubuki was actually happy about the company. It was impossible to get to talk properly to everyone in the big group of people, and Endou had been especially busy with everyone due to their recent news.
So Fubuki stepped outside to the crisp air to Endou, and the autumn stars above them made him feel a bit nostalgic.
“Whew, fresh air feels so good!” Endou breathes out the same thought as they began walking, with no hurry in their stride. Fubuki hums in agreement. “It sure does, even though that izakaya wasn’t even that small for us. Everyone seemed even more energetic than before.”
Endou chuckles, “You don’t say! I kinda wish we broke the news only afterwards. I don’t think I got to hear about anyone’s doings, I got bombarded so hard.” He complains in an exaggerated tone, but the affection underneath makes Fubuki smile.
“I’ll let you off the hook this time, but I don’t think I got to say it yet? Congratulations on making your relationship finally official.”
Endou smiles a little bashfully, “Thanks, Fubuki-”, and then he stops, slowly squinting his eyes.
Fubuki can’t help but let out a little laugh. “So I wasn’t the only one who saw it coming?”
Fubuki wonders if there was someone who didn’t see it coming, after watching the trio literally grow into one set. One time Fudou tried to start a betting pool on who’s going to confess first, but Someoka was quick to snuff the idea out before the three of them heard anything. The memory makes Fubuki smile inside a little; Someoka used to be quite unapologetically against any romance talk in even semi-private spaces.
Still, with time, everyone just went along with it, and some probably even forgot the trio never became a thing in word. And still, every time they gathered to meet every once in a while, Fubuki saw the same gazes, same casual touches between them, and knew that nothing had changed.
Somehow despite all that, the way Endou’s expression is now shifting from questioning to ready to argue and lastly to some kind of resigned, makes Fubuki wonder if Endou himself was the one who hadn’t seen it coming.
“Guess I’ve been the obvious one again…” Endou laughs softly and briefly. It’s not sad, but… There’s something almost melancholic to it, something Fubuki can’t place. Before he decides to not ask about it, Endou speaks again, now more serious. “Hey Fubuki, can I ask you something?”
Fubuki doesn’t hesitate. “Of course.”
They’ve come to a stop next to an empty park, and Fubuki leans on the railing. Endou stays in place, eyes wandering somewhere in the grout of the walkway.
“What… What was it that made me look like I was in love?”
It’s weird, to see the confident and boisterous keeper so… fragile. The sudden shift from the get-together, his laughter and cheerfulness, in contrast to how he was standing in the cold spotlight of a streetlight, in doubt of himself.
With the years passing, Endou had gotten better with not carrying his heart in his sleeve, but either he had gotten even better real fast, or this was something he’s learned to keep close for a long time. And even though Fubuki might be the one who others let in on their secrets and feelings most often, it wasn’t because he would pry on them. So he pushes all the questions out of his mind, and focuses on the memories that Endou’s question brings up.
“The most noticeable thing for me was just… how you always were there for Gouenji and Kidou. When they wanted to share their success, when they needed a shoulder to lean onto. You were there before most of us even noticed anything, and the same went the other way around, too.” Fubuki tries to catch Endou’s eyes. “You were always there for everyone on the team, but… the way you always went that extra mile for them, without the need for words. I personally think that’s one of the greatest forms of love.”
Endou looks back at Fubuki briefly before slumping his shoulders and moving to rest on the railing next to him. “Huh, never thought it’d be as simple as that…” he mutters, not disappointed but more like he got something to think about.
Fubuki smiles, a little sly. “That’s of course not all of it, I think everyone would tell you something different.”
Endou’s laugh is dry, but he seems a lot steadier now. “If that’s the case, I might have to arrange a round of interviews for that.” He turns his eyes to the sky, but instead of following the gaze, Fubuki watches the same feeling of something being a little off returning to his friend’s expression. He feels his own smile falter.
“Still something on your mind?” He asks softly, trying to not sound demanding. He knows that Endou knows he never requires an answer, but it’s still a relief when Endou seems to accept the offer.
“It’s… nothing much really, but…” He struggles to find the words, and Fubuki waits. “...Were you afraid of things changing, when you and Someoka got together? Uh, I guess going long distance was a big change, but… You know. At first.”
Fubuki notices his pattern of avoiding speaking about his feelings by making it a question instead, still revealing what he’s thinking about. Fubuki now also has a hunch what’s the main worry in Endou’s mind.
Endou is one of the very few people who knows Fubuki and Someoka have been dating for a few years. Fubuki himself didn’t care much about making it public, but he understood Someoka’s constant anxiety over social pressure and would rather do what’s comfortable for him. He’d gotten better about it, even with the recent distance between them due to a path to an international soccer career overseas, and he had even talked about them revealing their relationship lately - most likely encouraged by the news of the leader trio of the old team.
Fubuki has never heard the full story of how Endou first learned about them, though. Either he found out by accident, which would explain Someoka going super strict about covering their tracks, or Someoka trusted his captain with the information due to him never making a fuss about romance or relationships. It was most likely a mixture of both. But Fubuki didn’t mind, quite the opposite; it was nice to see Someoka relax with him when there was someone else around.
Something between that Endou in his memory, supporting but a little nonchalant, feels related to the current, unsure Endou, but Fubuki can’t quite connect the dots.
“I can’t imagine anyone who wouldn’t be afraid”, Fubuki replies carefully and looks at the stars. “I think I wasn’t too afraid, but only because Someoka was absolutely terrified . You know how he can be, he was sure he’d somehow ruin everything just by calling us boyfriends.
“We ended up talking about things a lot more, and that helped us to figure out what we want to be together. I think that does count as a change?”
“Right. Not all change is bad.” Endou’s breath is visible against the streetlight and he rubs his fingers together.
“Also, if I can say”, Fubuki continues and now Endou turns to look at him. “Just a tip from a friend’s perspective: Try to take some space for yourself, too. I know you’re ready to go to the world’s end for them, as well as they would for you, but remember that you matter as much in the relationship as them.” He smiles gently and finally the captain’s smile is warming up, too. “It’s sometimes hard when there’s just the two of us, I can only imagine what it's like for you all.”
Endou smirks, “It’s a workout, but I’ll try to keep that in mind.” Then he stands up and straightens himself, his usual confidence back in his smile. “Sorry for going kinda deep, but thanks, Fubuki. I think I really needed that.”
The striker gets up too. “Don’t mention it, and thanks for trusting me with this. I’m always willing to listen.”
They continue on their way again and their conversation turns lighter, Fubuki talking about how Someoka has been lately, and them both chatting on the international league and about Fubuki’s upcoming plans to visit Italy.
He promises Endou to send Someoka his greetings, and they separate at the corner of the rental apartment complex.
Fubuki watches his friend disappear into the dark night, and he stays outside for a moment longer by himself.
Something about their chat stays unsettled somewhere in the back of his mind, but as with many others, he leaves it be. Fubuki is sure Endou will be able to figure it out, alone or with the help of his partners.
So he takes out his phone and starts typing a message to the contact on the top of the list.
Hi <3 Are you done training for today? I’m back at apt, can I call?
5.
“I’m back”, Gouenji calls as he closes the front door behind his back. He pockets the keyring with all the three different apartment keys and leaves his shoes next to a chaotic pile of sneakers and sandals.
There’s a mumbled call back from inside the apartment, and he finds Endou sprawled on his small coach, face against the cushions. Gouenji can’t help the small smile. “That rough?”
Endou just grumbles somewhere deep in the couch.
Gouenji just hums and puts the takeout bags on the living room table. He was the only one pitied by the workplace gods, as Kidou was working way too late that night, and Endou’s day was apparently such a mess he barely had any breaks or even time to eat. Good thing he had the time to shoot a few (barely readable) texts, so Gouenji knew to stop by their usual place on the way to Endou’s apartment.
“Do you want to talk or eat first?” Gouenji asks as he checks Endou’s nearly empty fridge for drinks.
“Eat”, he barely hears the reply, “an’ then something else to think about.”
Oh. So it was that bad.
The blonde returns to the living space and nudges the leg hanging halfway off the couch with his knee. Endou groans but slowly gets up to make room, and leans against Gouenji’s side as soon as he settles down.
“Well survived”, he gives a small praise and presses a kiss on Endou’s cheek. A hint of a blush immediately colors Endou’s face and Gouenji gets a small peck back before the brunette buries his face into the crook of his neck and sighs contently.
Alright, maybe some cuddling before food, then.
They sit in place, Endou still how he settled in, and Gouenji with one arm now draped over the other, fingers idly in Endou’s hair.
After a while, before Endou’s breathing slows down too much, Gouenji shifts himself up a bit in fear of not getting his partner awake anymore if he falls asleep properly. Endou stirs and lifts his head up. “Oh. Right, food.”
They eat in comfortable silence and Gouenji cleans the table after, before sitting back on the coach where Endou has already curled back up in a cocoon of blankets. “Anything specific you want to do?”
Endou shakes his head like a dog after a bath. “Let’s just hang out. You could put on one of your movies?”
“Sure, but you get to complain about the plot just twice this time.”
The corners of Endou’s mouth curve a little upwards. He will surely use both opportunities, and Gouenji chuckles at that.
Endou doesn’t share the same taste Gouenji has for more psychological films, or international classics, but maybe it would work the best for now. He might want to just have some background noise to fall asleep to, and Gouenji gets to focus on the movie without having to constantly explain what’s supposedly happening on the screen.
He gets the remote and the moment he settles against the cushions, Endou is back and snuggling up to his side.
Gouenji picks something he hasn’t yet seen from his account on a rental video site and they settle comfortably against each other.
The movie is a surreal one, a story about an amnesiac woman. The translation doesn’t seem to be the best, Gouenji ponders as he has more trouble with following the dream-like narrative than he usually has. And looks like Endou isn’t even trying to follow the story; he keeps switching between the screen, checking his phone, and just dozing off with his face buried into Gouenji’s shirt.
The main characters settle down for the night and Endou yawns too. Gouenji has been idly petting his shoulder with the hand resting over his frame, but the movement comes slowly to a stop as he watches the characters get in the same bed and start kissing. Time for a sex scene, then.
Gouenji doesn’t really mind sex in movies. It’s usually used relatively well in regard to the plot within the genres he watches the most. Of course some scenes are more fitting than others, others done well and the rest not so much, but they’re usually just scenes like every other to him.
But… in this movie, the main characters are both women.
And Gouenji has learned that in his little gay heart, there is a little corner that is very vulnerable to sex scenes with not just a man and a woman.
He watches the screen, how they share intense kisses and touches, and Gouenji can’t help but imagine himself in the situation; not with the women, but with…
They haven’t gone all the way yet, but Gouenji can feel the phantom touches all over his body, caressing his hot skin, with lips and teeth grazing the sweet spots.
Gouenji swallows hard. He needs a distraction. He glances at Endou, but to his surprise, Gouenji finds him also watching the movie. As far as the blonde knows, Endou’s never been bothered by or interested much in the spicier scenes whenever they’ve had movie nights, so it’s surprising to see him this focused on the screen.
From this angle, Endou also seems weirdly serious. It’s an odd combination, and maybe because they’re still pretty much facing the same way, it’s hard to read what’s going on in Endou’s head. Though Gouenji’s not too sure about his own, either.
Or… he does know one thing he’s thinking about.
Endou is pretty tired though, but on the other hand, he’s pretty awake right now … And Gouenji thinks, why not try?
He gently grabs a hold of Endou’s shoulder and kisses the top of his head, and when the brunette looks up, he kisses his forehead too.
Endou lets out a small, surprised noise, but almost comes forward for the kiss on the lips and he’s not the one to break it off after a while.
The tiny couch isn’t really made for this, but Gouenji manages to flip Endou on his back, so he’s somewhat hovering over him, as he continues kissing Endou’s jaw and the side of his neck.
Endou’s skin is getting flushed and he wraps his arms around Gouenji’s middle. The blonde takes a moment to notice the hold on him is surprisingly heavy, steady - almost rigid . He stops and looks at Endou, and the way Endpu looks at him makes his daze clear out immediately. Shit, did I do something wrong?
He doesn’t look distressed, but the tense, contemplating expression is a stark contrast to his usual look. It’s almost like a shell, or a cover, and Gouenji has rarely seen him so unreadable.
He tries to make some space between them, but Endou’s hold doesn’t let him move much. “Are you alright?” His voice stays steady just barely.
Endou nods a little, and Gouenji watches his eyes roam for a moment - they stay on his lips, around his jaw or neck, then wander lower for a second-
And when he meets Gouenji’s gaze, some of that tenseness has melted into something soft and calm. “Yeah”, he speaks quietly, “but could you just… hold me?”
Gouenji nods, relieved, and a little disappointed. He hates feeling the latter.
“Of course”, he adds, and lies down with him - it’s a bit of a struggle again, but they manage to settle down in a tight hug, Endou’s hold almost desperate. Gouenji strokes his hair in a slow motion and Endou snuggles against his neck, breathing out contently.
Gouenji can’t deny he enjoys this a lot, too. Their shared warmth is comforting and Endou’s hair smells nice, a cocktail of shampoos he and Kidou have bought for him. Gouenji feels like he could doze off for a bit.
Based on the warm breathing against his neck slowing down, Endou is already asleep. He must’ve really been tired, then.
Maybe things are better this way, for now, Gouenji decides as he sighs and closes his eyes too.
1
Endou presses a soft kiss on the back of Gouenji’s neck, which gets the blonde to sigh content and settle against him.
The evening light filters in through the thin curtains, painting the room in a golden hue. Endou loves the way it makes Gouenji’s hair to almost glow, and how it sheens in perfect harmony with Kidou’s tone of skin. He can’t see the latter currently, as they’re lying backs towards each other with Kidou at the other end of the bed, but he’ll in his usual way join their cuddles after taking a moment for himself.
Endou himself is pleasantly tired, but not too tired to enjoy the closeness to the fullest. He stretches his legs and shifts his hips more comfortably, and he goes to rest his head against Gouenji’s own - but the other also moves right at the same moment, turning and making them face each other, and Endou catches the blonde’s eyes roaming around his body.
His gaze stops low for a moment, and Endou wonders if he can see his half of an erection under the thin sheet.
Gouenji lifts his eyes to meet Endou’s and there is a glint of worry in them.
“Endou, there’s something I need to ask”, Gouenji says softly and Endou frowns a little. There’s no urgency or accusation in his words, and it feels deeply personal instead. He doesn’t reply, but he doesn’t need to. Gouenji knows he can always ask anything.
“I’ve just been thinking… about how you rarely get to finish. You say you’re fine, and insist on focusing on me and Kidou, but…” Gouenji’s words falter a bit, like he has been overthinking again and still loses confidence in his trail of thought. Endou watches his eyes wander. “I don’t want to doubt you, I trust you’d say if it was bothering you. But… it still sometimes feels like I’m- or we, I don’t know, are neglecting you in some way.”
Gouenji touches Endou’s arm and catches his eyes again. “Is there some way we can make this better for you?”
Endou breathes out, almost like in relief- the guilt looming right behind his partner’s words makes his heart sting, but he was almost preparing for something more serious. “Sorry if I’ve made you guys worry”, he says softly and pushes a few loose strands of hair off Gouenji’s face. “I really mean it when I say I’m fine, I don’t really care about getting off so I’d rather focus on you two.”
“What do you mean by that?” The mattress creaks as Kidou pops into the corner of his eye, propped up on his elbows. The concern in his eyes could easily be seen as something more strict, but Endou knows what’s behind the sharpness.
Endou rolls to lie on his back so he can see both of his partners, and Gouenji raises his head to lean on his hand. “Hmm, I’ve been thinking about it for some time, but it’s hard to put into words…”
Talking has never really been his strong suit. He knows how to motivate others, how to comfort and give encouragement; but when it comes to expressing himself, he’s grateful his partners know it takes a bit of extra mental struggle to get the right words out. They’re all a little like that, in their own ways.
And there’s that tiny nag deep in his mind, wondering if he should share his feelings at all. Would they just be a burden? What if voicing them out ultimately changes their relationship, in an irreparable way?
It’s usually a quiet voice and easy to ignore. But he can’t pretend it’s not there , despite his loves patiently watching, giving him all the time he needs.
So Endou takes the best approach he knows: straight to the point. “Dumb question: What do your orgasms feel like?”
Gouenji blinks. “What does it… feel like?”
In turn, Endou gives them time to process. In a way he enjoys the reactions to his sudden question - how Gouenji’s brows slowly rise higher when his expression shifts from surprise to thoughtful, and how Kidou’s blush grows from his ears to cheeks and nose, the same way when he has trouble processing his feelings into coherent sentences.
Gouenji is the first to finish whatever trail his thoughts went through. “...Okay, dumb question, dumb answer. I’d say it’s like fireworks?”
Endou raises his brows in turn, but Gouenji doesn’t elaborate. Fireworks? That’s something he wouldn’t have imagined as a possible answer.
Kidou’s cheeks keep the pink tint as he finally clears his throat. “I was going to go with something more like… a hot wave over my body, and something warm squeezing my mind, but… each to their own, I guess.”
Both of their answers sound amazing, in their own ways. Endou chuckles, “No wonder you guys make such good faces when you come!”
Kidou sputters and now it’s Gouenji’s turn to get red on his face.
“W-what’s this about, Endou? How’s yours, then?”
The laughter leaves Endou and he sighs, a smile still on his lips but eyes up in the ceiling. Imagining the stars beyond is something that always helps the words come to him. “It’s… actually nothing special.”
Endou can feel the silence of his partners is more serious and attentive now.
“I’m not saying it feels bad or anything, but… it’s just a release of pressure and relief, and then I’m done? I don’t know if this makes any sense.” Endou ponders and fidgets with the edge of the sheet. “You guys seem to enjoy yours a lot, so I just figured I’d rather use the time on building you up? Instead of you needing to make me finish, which would kinda end in a flop for me… Uh, I’m not saying I don’t like it, or appreciate it! I do! And I guess you wouldn’t do it either if you didn’t want to, but… er…”
Endou can feel an embarrassed blush creeping on his cheeks as he trails off, with the point now lost somewhere in the ramble.
He can feel eyes on him, patiently waiting if he’s going to continue on. So Endou grabs another thought to go through.
“I, um, learned one time that there are people who feel differently about sex than most do. Like some people don’t want to have it at all. For a while I felt I was like that, I think it was because it just… didn’t seem like I’d enjoy sex? I thought you had to be in love for it and I had never felt love like that.
“Then we… we happened, and I didn’t really think about it at first? Maybe I just assumed you guys could have sex if you wanted, and we would do everything else all together. But then the opportunity of trying it out with you two didn’t feel bad at all, and despite it being a damn mess, it was one of the best times I’ve ever had!”
Endou smiles wide at the memory, and by the groan and snort he hears from his sides, they recalled that same night as well.
It was utter chaos. None of them knew what they were doing, some overly cautious and others too eager, but…
“That was so much fun”, Endou can’t stop smiling as he relives the night in his mind. “It makes me happy that I enjoy having sex with you two. I dunno how differently you feel it, but I think it couldn’t be more perfect for me, so it doesn’t bother me if I don’t feel like I’m supposed to.”
Endou pauses. The familiar, quiet worry tinges in his chest, and he lets it come out. He does trust his partners, with his life and everything he has, but he won’t be pretending the worry doesn’t exist. So he needs to ask.
“...Will it bother you two?”
Endou doesn’t need to look either way, as he can feel both his partners scoot closer. “Of course not”, Kidou is the first to voice his thoughts out, and he grabs a hold of Endou’s arm. “As long as you’re okay with yourself.”
The softness in the scarlet eyes chases the worry away, and Endou thinks his own smile is a bit more heartful again.
Gouenji crawls so close Endou can feel his warmth, and shifts to meet his eyes in turn. “You ask that, after putting up with all of our whims and boundaries?” He jokes, making Endou snort all too knowingly. “Looks like it’s my turn to be the hypocrite tonight!”
“A question?” Kidou gets both of their attention. He’s still holding onto Endou’s arm, stroking it with his thumb, and Endou has to fight the urge to go in for a kiss. He listens instead. “You still do get aroused, right? And you’re fine with that?”
Endou blinks, confused. “Yeah?”
Kidou looks at him like he does when Endou tries to tell him a joke even if he forgot the punchline somewhere on the way.
“...What am I missing?”
Kidou sighs. “Usually arousal tends to lead to the need to orgasm.”
“Oh.” Endou mulls over it for a moment. “I don’t think it does for me? It just feels nice by itself. Like I’m warm and cozy and loved.” This time he reaches to steal a little peck off Kidou’s lips before settling down closer, head against the arms leaning against the mattress. After a second of surprise, a smile curves on Kidou’s face too and he places another kiss on Endou’s forehead. He lies back down too and rests his chin on the top of the keeper’s head.
Gouenji joins them too, almost draping himself over Endou’s upper body. He nudges his head on the crook of Endou’s neck, making him let out a small, content noise. It’s like his partners know exactly what he likes the most. Not a surprise, after being physically close for a while and mentally for even longer, but it still sometimes amazes him how they settle in the right places so effortlessly.
“As I said,” Endou sighs happily, “this is perfect.”
“We should talk more about this”, he barely hears Kidou over the sleep weighing on his mind, and Endou snuggles closer to his partner. “Yeah yeah, let’s do that later.”
He gently squeezes both hands entwined with his own and lets his senses drift in the warmth of the loves of his life.