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Dorcas had Pandora’s phone in her hand. She was very obviously Instagram stalking Marlene. It was not her proudest moment, all her emotions ran rampant as she watched her ex flourish.
Marlene was happy it seemed. She was out with her friends at the club. Dorcas remembered that she had never liked those big crowds but it seemed she did now.
She was so happy without her and it tore Dorcas apart. Here Dorcas was at Pandora’s apartment, crying into her best friend’s arms. The difference was stark.
Dorcas watched Marlene kiss some other girl on James’s story. How could it be? How could Marlene just be over her, how was that fair? It wasn’t fucking fair, Dorcas decided.
She felt another wave of tears hit her, cringing at how pathetic she sounded. Why couldn’t Marlene just be sad too? It wasn’t fair, god it wasn’t fair .
Pandora hummed softly and sat next to Dorcas. She took the phone away gently, sighing as Dorcas clinged to it like a lifeline. She wrapped her arm around the sobbing Dorcas and handed her the bowl of chips.
Dorcas didn't take them, instead reaching for the wine bottle and taking a swig directly from the bottle. Pandora laughed softly and tried to take it away but Dorcas wasn’t willing to give it up.
She just wanted to get wasted and forget that Marlene had dumped her that morning. Forget that Marlene didn’t care about her. She didn’t want to remember anything.
She wished there was a spell that could just wipe away all her emotions and her entire relationship with Marlene. She wished she could just be memory charmed, forget all about Marlene. She wished she didn’t have to go through all this pain.
More than anything, Dorcas just wished for a sign that maybe Marlene gave a shit. She just wanted to know that it had any effect. She didn’t need to look at Marlene’s Instagram again to know that she didn’t.
Dorcas would never admit that she checked her phone every five minutes throughout the night. She knew Marlene was out getting wasted.
She couldn’t help but want her to drunk-text her. Marlene was always honest when she was out of it. She wanted to know that Marlene had messed up, that she was still in love with her. Dorcas needed to know how Marlene truly felt.
Unlucky, or lucky in Pandora's opinion, Dorcas received no texts that night. She couldn’t do anything but hurt .
She woke up with a hangover and a numb feeling in her heart. The girl she’d been in love with for the last three years was gone without a trace.
Dorcas didn’t have an apartment. She had to go back and move out soon but god Dorcas didn’t think she could face Marlene. Pandora offered to help her go back and Dorcas accepted, she couldn’t face Marlene alone.
She truly could not face her period , but she had to. It had to have been a joke, right? Malrene didn’t explain anything. She threw three years out the window on a whim.
There was no real, true explanation and no reason. It left Dorcas lost to the wind. What could she say? How would she fix this?
Dorcas paused, could she even fix it? She didn’t know.
Pandora’s voice was soft as she spoke, “Cas?” she called from the doorway.
Dorcas looked up pitifully and couldn’t bring herself to take another step. How could she when she lost her light?
In all her darkest points of life, she had Marlene. She had a smile and a hug and a reason to keep going. What was she supposed to do now? She didn’t know.
There was too much Dorcas did not know. She was a fact based individual and made her decisions based on what she knew. She was useless here.
She did not know what Marlene was thinking. She did not even know why Marlene had left her.
All Dorcas knew was that Marlene was not coming back and Dorcas would have to live without her. That was made clear by the avid lack of care about Dorcas that Marlene exhibited the night before.
If she could go sleep with other girls, she was over Dorcas already. How long had Marlene planned to break up with her? Dorcas wondered.
It was pitiful.